Hi guys! hope everyone who's sticking around is enjoying the story thus far :) hoping to make this a pretty long fic, slow burn for sure. also, decided to start including lyrics/quotes prior to chapters that have inspired the writing (because, if you didn't know, the title of this fic is from taylor swift)
"I thought so many things and never said a single one aloud. I choked on such longing I couldn't spit it out."-Yves Olade, Beloved
Chapter 6
"Okay, so," I began, realizing I now had very limited time to convey the plan to her. "I'm going to go and pretend to be searching for your friends. From what I can feel right now, they're fighting in the hangar-" I saw fear register in Rey's face, "-but they're okay. They're almost hiding. I'll actually be redirecting the troops, making them search as far away from your friends as possible. I need you to convince the guards that come by to let you pass, and you're going to take the lift down three flights, okay? Then you're going to walk forward until you see a hallway that turns left. Then, keep following that and use the Force to reach your friends-they'll be in that direction, I think. When you find them, you should be able to find a hatch you can climb up out of. Then, you and your friends will have to get back to their ship. I'll meet you there as soon as you tell me you're near there, okay?" I was talking fast, and I could feel Rey's worry, but she looked very determined as she took in my words.
"Okay, okay," Rey nodded. "Keep the bond open, please?" She asked, and I felt a pang of guilt. Good thing I was excellent at keeping my thoughts compartmentalized.
"Okay," I agreed. "I have to go, now." I put my helmet back on and walked towards her door. I looked back as the door opened. She looked so fragile in her sleeping robe, her brown hair a bit mussed, but her face was totally business-like as she nodded at me, confirming that she was ready.
"I'll see you later, Solo," she tugged one side of her mouth up in a smile. I couldn't help but smile back.
"See you later, sweetheart," I promised. Then I was heading for the lift myself.
I stomped through the halls until I reached Hux in the main control room, where he was barking orders at the grey-and-blue-suited people who were sitting in front of Holos and data pads, frantically following his orders. Just by flicking through Hux's mind, which he was typically very good at keeping shielded, I could see that Rey's friends had escaped into the north halls, just as I had predicted. By the looks of it, it was Finn, Chewie, that scum whizzbang pilot Poe Dameron-wait, no, he wasn't scum-C3PO, and the droid I had been on the hunt for a little over a year ago-BB-8, I think it was called.
"Hux, what is the meaning of this?" I demanded. The ginger glared my way and curled his lips into a sneer.
"Kind enough of you to join, Kylo Ren, these Resistance maggots practically crashed into the ship about five minutes ago," he snarled.
"And are the stormtroopers looking for them? What about my Knights, have they captured them?" I got closer to Hux, towering over him from a few feet away.
"No, they haven't found them yet," Hux informed me. "You, there, you fool," he was calling to some man who, I guess, wasn't working fast enough. "I told you to close the board rooms off, we need to keep them in the main halls!" Was this harshness what Rey saw in me every time I wore this mask? A venomous hiss whispered in my ear. Of course it is.
I shook my head-I needed to focus.
"I can feel them" I told Hux. "They're circumventing and moving south of the ship." Hux looked at me dubiously.
"We saw them go North." He crossed his arms in front of him.
"And I'm telling you, Armitage, I feel them moving south." I curled a finger deeper into my palm, and I watched as he began to choke slightly.
"Fine," he spat out. "Start closing the south chambers off, redirect the troops there," he demanded the room. I watched as the colony began to fulfil his call to action.
It was a beat of a moment before I could sense something in the atmosphere-Rey's panic. I clenched my jaw and reached out, finding that she was under the main floor, where I had told her to go, but she was seeing something that made her panic.
Ben! She called.
A quartet of stormtroopers had stayed behind while the rest went to the south end of the ship to hunt, and had stumbled right into the Resistance team.
"General Hux, we've found the Rebels!" Hux's commlink was suddenly beeping loud and clear.
"Excellent," Hux nodded. "I'm on my way-keep them where they are." He began to march past me, but before he took his seething eyes off of my helmet, he muttered something at me. "You said they were headed south." I was grateful that Hux would probably put my lie down to his low opinion of me, not an act of betrayal to the First Order.
After that lanky bastard was out of the room, I waited for a few seconds before I began to follow. I was not planning on the troops actually capturing them. I started to plan what this mission would look like now: they'd probably be taken to the prison brig, and I'd have to go get them out, and somehow get them to the ship. Why did my plans never work out like they were supposed to?
Rey wasn't with them, though, which I was grateful for. If Hux saw her, he'd know something was up-after all, I wouldn't let the gem of the Resistance out of my grips so easily, would I? She was still directly under them, peering up through the iron grates.
I was nearly there-they were just around the corner. But something made me stop in my tracks.
What?!
"I don't want you to win," I heard Hux seethe. "I just need Kylo Ren to lose." So Hux was the traitor?! I knew we had a traitor in our midst, but figured it was some low-level rat. Not that Hux wasn't a rat, of course.
"I knew it!" I heard Poe Dameron exclaim.
"You did not-" another male voice, I presumed Finn.
"Yes, I did," Poe affirmed, sounding triumphant.
"Shut up!" Hux demanded. "Now, shoot me in the leg. You can't escape with me unharmed."
"What?" Poe again.
"You heard me, go ahead, shoot me. Just a graze on the calf will be fine." Hux took in a steady breath.
I heard the blaster go off, followed by Hux's yelp of pain.
"I said to graze it, you idiot!" He bit out.
"Yeah, well," it was Finn now. "I saw my chance and I took it." Huh. I think I might like this ex-stormtrooper.
I heard Hux fall to the floor, and took a few steps back as the crew prepared to march my way.
Rey, I called frantically. Come out now! She needed to prepare them to cooperate with me.
She answered by pushing the grate up, with the tips of her callused fingers, as hard as she could.
"What was that?" I heard Chewie ask in Shyriiwook.
"Who is it?" Finn called.
"It's me, it's me!" Rey called, keeping her voice a bit low, though.
"Rey!" They all called in unison, even the droids. I heard the slide of iron on iron, and heard some shuffling and beeping as they pulled her up.
"Oh my god, are you okay?" Finn asked, and through her mind I felt him pull her into a tight hug. I felt jealousy rise in me sharply.
"Where is that Supreme Leader?"
"Are you heart, Miss Rey?"
"Did he touch you? What's happened? Finn got your call!" Their voices and beeping was overlapping, until I could only decipher which voices were human and which were not.
"Guys, I'm fine, seriously, I'm okay," Rey was assuring them, and I could hear her smile.
"We thought you were dead," Finn told her, and the note of pain in his voice only fed the green beast that was threatening to unleash itself within me.
"I'm fine, I'm okay, I've actually got some pretty big news," she was telling them.
"Like what?" Poe asked.
"I need you to be open-minded," she cautioned them. "I need you to remember how powerful the Force can be. I need you to trust me, okay?" I took in a deep breath.
"Geez, Rey," Poe puffed. "What's going on? What's happened?" I felt Rey reach out to me via the bond.
Are you ready? She asked, sounding more confident than I could tell she felt.
Ready as I'll ever be, I replied, with total honesty.
"Okay," she breathed out. "You can come out, now." I slowly walked around the corner, and looked through my helmet to see Rey's eyes, looking at me with so much hope and caution it would be funny if it weren't given the current circumstances.
But then I looked around her and met five sets of eyes that were looking at me with confusion, anger, fear, and, for the droids, absolutely nothing but I could sense their apprehension.
Then Finn pointed the blaster at my chest.
"No! Don't!" I smacked Finn's hand, but it only moved his hands down for a second, before coming back up into position, aiming at Ben's chest.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Poe spat out.
"He's on my side, guys, please, trust me," I was pleading.
"Rey, what kind of control does he have you under?" Finn stole a quick, concerned glance at me from the corner of his eye.
"None, we've talked-"
"You have a lot of nerve showing up face-to-face, boy," Chewie growled.
"Master Ben, what a surprise to-" C3PO began, polite as ever.
"Shut it, Threepio!" Poe demanded.
"Rey, what has he done to you?" Finn asked me. "You lunatic, what have you done to her?" He was addressing Ben now.
The voices and beeping, internal and external, were reaching a crescendo I couldn't bear.
"Enough!" I grumbled, and marched the few steps over to stand right in front of the blaster Finn was holding up, between my friends and Ben.
"Rey, get out of the way!" Ben suddenly called behind me.
"How dare you address her!" Chewie roared.
"Everyone, shut it!" I yelled. Everyone was looking at me now, with varying degrees of confusion and fear and rage.
"Listen, Ben has not hurt me," I was enunciating very clearly so everyone would have no chance to misunderstand me. "And he's not here to hurt you. He's here to help us get off this ship. And he's going to come with us." Every living creature's eyes looked at me in angry confusion.
"Rey, no!" Poe groaned.
"What?" barked Chewie.
"Rey, I don't know what that scum has told you, or what he's done to you, but he's not our ally-he's going to get us killed." Finn was telling me, but still pointing the blaster at my head (where Ben's chest was behind me).
"He hasn't done anything to me, if anything, I've done something to him," I had my arms out in front of me, placating. "I've sort of...convinced him to join me. We're bonded, in a way, I don't know how to explain it." I knew I was going to start rambling if I continued down that path, so I redirected myself. "Anyways, that's not the point. The point is that we need to get off of this ship, and he's going to help us, okay?"
"No." A chorus rang around me.
Rey, Ben called to me. We need to get moving. Now. I nodded.
"Guys, no time to argue, we have got to go," I was urging them.
"Yeah, just so that sadist can take us straight to the torture chambers!" Poe quipped.
"Fine," I growled. "I'm going to the ship, with Ben, and if you want to avoid certain torment, I'd suggest you follow." Their eyes all looked doubtful and shocked as I turned on my heels and looked at Ben.
"Okay," I told him. "Let's go." He only nodded once and led me down the hall.
"Rey, this is such a bad idea!" Finn was right on my heels, stage-whispering at me.
"Rey, if he's got you under some sort of spell or something," Poe was right on my flank. "Just blink twice, we'll keep you safe." I rolled my eyes.
"Guys, I'm not being controlled," I groaned. "Just shut it and follow us. Or I'll make you shut it." I never threatened anyone with the Force, and I didn't seriously mean it, but a quick glance both ways behind me and I could see the shock and dismay on their faces. The droids and Chewie were following closely behind them, looking alert like this was any other mission.
Wow, Ben chuckled at me. Feisty today, aren't we?
"I'm just not in the mood to be meddled with," I muttered under my breath, knowing he'd hear me.
Before I knew it, we were approaching the main hangar. There was a swarm of stormtroopers on the other side of the Hanger, facing away from us, being given some sort of pep talk it looked like. They were probably being given orders of where to go to hunt us now, presuming they'd figured out I'd escaped and that Hux and the quartet of stormtroopers was incapable of incapacitating us, for some reason that was because of us.
Ben put his gloved hand behind him, low, to signal for us to file behind him and crouch down. We did so, C3PO even bending slightly.
Our major problem was that two stormtroopers were standing guard of the Millennium Falcon's loading ramp. Because of the angle of the ship's entrance, they didn't see us, thankfully. I didn't know what Ben's plan was and he now had his mind on lockdown. Irritating, as I had specifically asked him not to do so. Old habits die hard, I guess.
"When I motion, I need you all to duck behind those transportation crates over there, okay?" He asked in a low voice that I could barely hear, as he motioned to a small pile of glossy black crates about thirty feet away. I could hear Finn rustle behind me, and I turned to relay the orders. My friends didn't respond, but I could feel their unease at this entire situation.
I didn't know what he was waiting for, but suddenly the stormtroopers in front of the falcon were slowly falling to the floor, like someone was putting them down gently. That was Ben's doing-I could feel it.
Ben flicked his fingers up into his palm, and that was the signal I knew he meant. I crouched down as low as I could without crawling on the floor, and scurried over to cowl behind the boxes. I guess Chewie had maybe moved C3PO, because I didn't hear the tell-tale sign of his mechanic shuffling. I kept my sights on the entrance to the Falcon, seeing just beyond it, at the entrance to the hangar itself, was veiled in a light blue glow. We'd have to figure out how to get that down or else we wouldn't be able to leave. I made a mental note to ensure that once we got on that ship, we shot at the main control room just above the hangar, overlooking it from the left wall.
Suddenly, Ben was creeping his way in front of me to crouch down. Whatever those stormtroopers were huddled over there for, it sure was taking a long time and must've been engrossing.
They're doing an informal interrogation, Ben let me know. They've known there's been a spy in the ranks, but they don't realize it's Hux yet. They still think it's a troop. I nodded. Honestly, let them talk-the sight of the ship was tantalizing and I was filled with anxiety at finally getting aboard it, with everyone safe and in one piece.
I wasn't ready, but Ben was motioning for us to move again. Another hundred or so feet to the ship's entrance. Nothing to hide us. I knew we'd be easy to see now, with no cover. I reached down reflexively to my hip, to grab my sabre or my staff, but felt despair at feeling nothing there other than black fabric.
Wait! I called to Ben, stopping everyone from lurching forward as I stayed still.
What? Ben asked impatiently. He didn't turn to look at me, staying focused on the task at hand. I let the question ring in my head. Oh, right. Here. His hand slipped into his cloak and then out, extending the sabre back to me.
Thanks, I told him. He just shook his head slightly, as if to say, 'no problem.'
I then moved past him and began the sprint to the Falcon, as indiscreet as I could manage. The blasting came anyways.
I could hear several feet and BB-8's rolling behind me, but I didn't look back.
"Stop her!"
"The Rebel scum!"
"Alert the Supreme Leader!"
So many voices, some muffled by helmets and some not, were yelling our way. I heard the electric charge of blasters, and immediately threw my hand out to redirect them. They hit a TIE fighter and a mini explosion sounded behind the huddle of stormtroopers, as some of them began charging us. I pushed them back as well, not registering that they were knocking over other First Order members and equipment.
"You don't have to," I suddenly heard Ben's voice. "I'm already here." Was he going to tell them he was coming with us? Was this some sort of heroic last stand on his behalf?
I reached the dock before everyone else, hiding myself just behind the door way, peering back out to redirect blaster hits away from my friends. Finn, Poe, BB-8, and then Chewie hoisting C3PO at his side all flew past me.
I looked out frantically for Ben, and saw him standing, his back to the troops, looking at our ship, his hand extended as if he was going to do something to it. What the hell? I thought. Ben, come on!
I could hear the commotion inside the ship: Chewie and Poe in the cockpit, bringing the Falcon to life as the engine roared awake. BB-8 and C3PO conversing quickly just inside the lobby area. Finn had grabbed a blaster and joined opposite me, on the other side of the doorway, blasting at troops as my mind was now slightly occupied.
"Rey, we gotta go, come on!" Finn yelled at me over a blast from his gun.
"No, no," I retorted. "We have to wait for Ben!"
"By the looks of it, he's not coming." I had to admit, the way Ben was standing there, hand out as if to move us with the Force, behind his helmet, I felt worry stab me in the pit of my stomach.
"He is!" I yelled, flicking my hand to push a few stormtroopers across the hangar. "You need to tell Poe to shoot at the control room!"
"He already knows, he's waiting for us to get inside!"
"We have to wait for Ben!" I was placating again.
Ben! I mentally shouted at him. We've got to go now!
Ben was only looking at the ship. Maybe at me, I couldn't really tell as he was behind the mask. Then I felt it-his side of the bond opened, ever so slightly, so I could take a peek at his thoughts.
He wasn't planning on coming with us. He was staying. Letting me go.
No.
No!
"No!" I yelled. "Please, no!" He remained in his same position. I could see it all now: he was going to stay, say he couldn't control the ship because I was shielding it, that I had become too strong training by his side.
Ben, please, I was begging. Don't do this.
It's okay, he sounded calm. It's better this way.
No! Ben, more pleading. It will be better together. When you're with me. Please, it'll work itself out, just get on the ship, now!
Rey, he was trying to calm me down. It's going to be fine. Trust me. I couldn't help but just feel totally confused, my mind not really forming cohesive thoughts, just emotions of confusion and betrayal.
Meet me on Exegol, he called. As soon as you get back to your base, leave for Exegol. I'll see you there, okay? Exegol? What? Was that a planet? Why did I have to meet him there? Was he putting himself in self-exile?
Ben, I don't understand, I called, exasperated. I wanted nothing more in the world at this moment than for him to run for me, join me on this ship, let me defend him.
Trust me, Rey, he called. And then the ship was moving.
I jolted forward, then stumbled back, as the boarding dock started lifting up into the ship. I just stared in front of me, wide-eyed, as I caught one last glimpse of Ben in his Kylo Ren outfit, frozen in his stance. But then Finn grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back, bringing me onto the proper floor of the ship.
I was of no help. I just sat on the floor in an awkward position, listening to the chaos around me, feeling the ship move up, heard the loud dud of an explosion-I presumed it was the control room-and then the groan of the blue shield as it fell. I was still reaching out for Ben with my mind as I felt us jolt forward into hyperspace. I couldn't reach him.
Ben, I called, feeling a tear roll down my cheek. Please.
"Supreme Leader!" Ushar, one of my Knights of Ren, was calling for me. I pretended to fumble back just a smidge, wanting to look like I was wiped from exertion.
The crowd was around me now, the closest bodies being my Knights, then the stormtroopers, some other higher-level Order members interspersed throughout.
"Are you okay, sir?"
"What happened?"
"We found Hux-he's awake now but he's been shot!"
The whirl of voices was deafening, but all I was focusing on was Rey's call.
Ben, I heard her faint plea. Please. I could feel the way her heart ached, the way her hands still curled awkwardly, as if they were still reaching for me. I wanted to comfort her, but knew she'd not forgive me now. She had bared her soul to me, willing me to go with her, and, like a fool, I rejected that. I knew my plan was smart, and necessary, but I still had to berate myself for being such an idiot when it came to protecting Rey. I felt this need-no, it was stronger than a need-to be near her, to keep her safe, to support her in every way I could. I was starved for her attention, for her Light presence, and here I was, putting my head above my heart, as always.
Focus, you idiot, I hissed at myself. If I was going to manage to be on Exegol tomorrow, I needed to get those plans in order now.
"I'm fine," I grunted, putting all of my frustrations with myself into my words. "The girl managed to shield the ship. She's gotten too strong at my side, it was difficult to stop her." I cringed inwardly at admitting to my fallacies, but powered through it, for Rey's sake.
"Supreme Leader," it was Vicrul now. "We are sorry for failing you in this moment." my Knights all kneeled before me now, heads bowed.
"Get up!" I snapped. "Everyone, back to your duties now-I need to consort with you all, in the board room." I pointed to the group of the high-level Order executives, dressed in their usual dull blue and grey, and watched as they shifted uncomfortably. They were worried I was going to take them in that room and kill them slowly for this security breech. Maybe I should, just to show prove the point of how angry I was supposed to be.
No. I couldn't do that now-I had to better than that. For Rey. It was going to be hard enough to forgive me, if that was even possible-I had to stop racking up bodies.
I watched as the rest of the hangar scurried away, going back to their jobs, now under pressure due to their inability to keep the Resistance team from escaping. More shouts and orders rang throughout the mega-sized room.
"Hux," I turned to Cardo, as he was now standing. "He's the traitor. He helped them escape."
"Sir?" he asked, seeming dubious.
"Did I stutter, Cardo?" I growled.
"No, sir, we'll dispose of him." I nodded once.
I watched with more than a hint of satisfaction as Hux was shot through the chest with a blaster, thrown back onto thr ground like a child's doll. I then ordered my executives and my Knights to the board room, where I gave a very threatening speech to them about how they were all on thin ice, and that this wouldn't be the last 'discussion' that was had on the matter of the 'Resistance scum' escaping. I even lightly strangled a couple of people, just to prove the point, but felt an odd sensation when I did so. Remorse, I think. What had Rey managed to do to me?
Then I told them that we needed to head straight to Exegol-we had planning to do so for a while, but now I informed them it was the opportune time. Palpatine was ready and the Resistance had managed to figure out how to get there without the Wayfinder (which, they hadn't, but now that Rey knew the name of the planet I hoped they would figure out how to get there). No one question my motives or my plan, as they thought of me as some deity-like figure with unquestionable power, even though I had just pretended to fail to keep the Falcon on our bay. I had to shrug to myself. None of this lack of critical thinking or blind faith would matter in a matter of hours. If I still planned on staying Kylo Ren, of course this would be a major issue, but I was too determined to become Ben Solo.
I knew the Resistance getting to Exegol would not be easy. With the Wayfinder destroyed now, I did have a hint of worry that they wouldn't even find make it. I also knew that Exegol was essentially a rock surrounded by a massive fleet of Empire and First Order ships, with Palpatine in the bowels. The fight would not be even, nor would they even be able to survive it, most likely, but what mattered most was that Palpatine was executed. That Rey survived. That this would be all over.
I stayed in the board room, overseeing all orders to get to Exegol. The energy on the ship was thrilling, and frantic, as everyone was now on edge, worried how I might retaliate. I was actually focusing my thoughts on going over my plan: get to my own ship, get myself down on Exegol, let the fighting ring above me while I reunited with Rey and we went for Palpatine. Of course, the Order believed I was going to be standing at Palpatine's side as he murdered Rey. In theory, it should work out just fine. Nothing ever worked in theory, though, did it?
Once we were a considerable amount of hours from Exegol, I decided to retire to my chambers for a handful of those hours to attempt to sleep and hydrate-I had a strenuous couple of days ahead of me. I shed my cape, boots and helmet when I entered my room, running a hand through my shaggy black hair.
I did think about how the Resistance would probably execute me if I managed to make it off of Exegol alongside Rey. I wondered if I'd get a trial. This was probable, but the evidence was stacked against me-I'd be sentenced to die, for sure. I even wondered, morbidly, if Rey would want that.
Yes, a voice hissed in my hear. She wants you dead and rotting. It might have been easy to believe this if it weren't for the way she had begged me to join her on the Falcon. She did not want me dead, I knew at least this much. She may not want me around, or even on the same planet as her, but she wanted me alive. That much I knew for certain.
I could picture a future with Rey, though. Stupidly, because it could never be reality for me. But I let my mind wander anyways.
A home on some peaceful planet. Maybe back on Naboo, which had managed to stay neutral in the war. I could live with her in the same palace my grandparents had lived in. We could still spar with each other for old times' sake, maybe look for some Kyber crystal mines so Rey could make her own sabre. Maybe I could make a new one. Or maybe I'd never be allowed near any form of weaponry ever again.
I laid on my back in bed, my arms at my side, thinking of what a future with Rey could be like. Rey, with a pink nose and frosted cheeks on Hoth. A rather disturbing image of her in the palace on Mustafar. Her squeeling with delight at the ewoks on Endor. Rey holding my hand as we walked on the cobblestone streets of the palace grounds on Naboo. Rey laughing at my jokes. Yes, in the future, I could make jokes. Rey running her hands through my hair, staring into my eyes as we talked about nothing of importance. Rey meditating in the sunlight in the mornings. Rey accepting me in her life, Rey kissing me with adoration, Rey spending each night and each morning by my side.
They were delightful visions of grandeur, but I had to shake my head. They were just my imagination running free. If I even managed to survive on Exegol, we'd leave and I'd become a prisoner, only to be given the death penalty pretty much immediately. Or, if the Resistance had mercy, maybe I'd just be sent to exile or be a prisoner forever. Rey wouldn't be able to visit me. She probably wouldn't want to. I'd have to hold on to my memories of her dimpled grins and sparkly grey eyes forever, just to hold on to my sanity. I was so starved for Rey, I felt it in my soul. My entire life, no one had understood me. But Rey did. Without question or doubt, Rey knew me as I'd always wanted to be known. I could handle the rest of my life without her as long as I knew she would still be in this galaxy, finally at a peace she deserved. That I wished I could give her. I wondered if that would be enough.
I fell into a restless sleep, only for a couple of hours, until I woke and set my sights on the day ahead: I was going to see Rey. We were going to kill Palpatine. This would all be over.
Easier said than done.
The flight from the Supremacy back to Ajan Kloss was difficult. I sat on the floor, letting my tailbone become numb and my thighs cramp. Finn attempted to talk to me, but I just stared at the dusty floor. Even C3PO came around to try to get me out of my stupor, but it didn't work. He told them I was experiencing shock; maybe I was, but I was really just trying to piece together everything that had just been happened.
Ben had not come with me. He let me go. Let us go. He told me to meet him on Exegol. To trust him.
Of course I would. I had to.
When we landed on Ajan Kloss, I got up and walked stiffly to greet those that waited on us. I was surrounded by a mass of humanity, all wondering if I was okay and if I needed to go to the infirmary and asking the others how the mission had gone. I let the others give them the run down. I stood, letting people hug me and ask me questions, only giving vague nods or shakes of my head in response.
Then, when Poe turned his attention away from them and to me, I snapped back into consciousness. I looked at him squarely, not asking, but demanding. Informing, I supposed.
"We have to go to Exegol," I stated. "All of us-the entire Resistance has to get to Exegol, and now." Poe quirked his eyebrows.
"That's the plan," he said slowly. "Did you learn anything about how to get there?" He asked, interested.
"No, not exactly, but we need to get there. Ben told me to meet him there. All of us." At the mention of Ben's name, Poe rolled his eyes dramatically.
"Look," he seemed to be levelling with me. I hated when he did that. "I get it, the man let us escape or whatever, and I trusted you. But we can't trust him to lead all of us to an unknown planet, straight to Palpatine, Rey. You do see how that is totally reckless and stupid, right?" He had a point. It did very much look like a trap, but I knew Ben was not planning anything malicious. He needed all of us there for a reason.
"I do see that, but you have to trust me," I was getting frustrated that we weren't already on our way. "Ben needs our help, and we have to show up there. I think he's planning on ending the war there."
"Oh, cool, by getting the entirety of his enemy in one place so he can eliminate us swiftly?" Poe was being sarcastic. "Sounds great, let me rally the troops." I clenched my hands into fists.
"Poe, I'm being serious."
"I know you are," Poe shot back. "That's what makes this even more disturbing." I huffed through my nose, flaring my nostrils.
"Fine." I spat out. "I'm going to go. It's up to you, General, if you all follow or not." I turned to walk away, but not before I saw anger flash into his eyes.
"Woah, woah," he was stomping behind me now. "You can't just leave and go there on your own, you know. I won't allow it."
"Then you'll have to kill me," I stated, matter-of-factly. It was true-I'd rather die than not help Ben in this obvious moment of need.
"Rey, you're being dramatic."
"And you," I pointed out. "Are being difficult."
"You don't even know how to get to Exegol." Poe said smugly. I stopped walking. Damn, he had me there. I didn't have a Wayfinder. Good thing I had a plethora of maps on my ship. R2 had to be wrong-it must be marked somewhere in the galaxy.
"I'll figure it out," I shrugged. I continued walking to the landing areas, where my-well, it wasn't really mine, but I used it the most-ship was waiting. There had to be something in there that would lead me to Exegol. We were running out of time.
"Rey," Poe called. "You can't really be doing this, I mean, come on. Think about Finn. Think about the rest of the Resistance. We need you." He was sort of begging, but Poe's version of begging was very casual.
"I know," I told him, truthfully. "And I am. But Ben needs me, and he's our new hope for winning this thing. I have to believe in him." I shrugged, letting the truth pour out of me now.
"Rey, we don't know what his plans are," Poe was getting irritated now, pulling his brows together. "I know you think that because you're Force buddies or whatever, you know him well, but I'm telling you," he continued. "A monster like that is not to be trusted. He's toying with you, Rey."
"He's not a monster," I growled. "He's a man, and he's a changed man at that." I could see my ship now.
"Rey, please don't do this. Don't be this stupid."
"I'm not being stupid," I called back to him. "You are." Childish, but it was true. There was a tick of time before I could practically feel Poe's temper pop.
"Fine!" He spat out. "Fine! I'll get the team together. We'll figure out how to get to Exegol." I was suddenly very full of hope.
"Oh, Poe," I turned to him, a grateful smile on my face. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I started to go towards him to give him a hug, but he put a hand in front of him, stopping me.
"I'll tell you this, now, though," he warned. "If this is a trap, or if that Kylo Ren son of a bitch is lying, I will be putting all of the blame on you. You will basically become a traitor." I swallowed at that idea. But my faith in Ben did not waver.
"I understand," I nodded. "I think we need to prepare for battle. A major one. But I do not think it's a trap." Poe took in this information, and I think he was grateful I could offer more information on the matter. I didn't know for sure, but I had a feeling-and with the Force, most things were based on simply feeling.
"Alright," he nodded now. "Okay. Come on, let's go back. Let's figure this out."
"Thank you, Poe," I whispered. "I won't let you down."
"You better not," he affirmed. "Or else I'll personally speak at your trial. Or Force-ghost hunt your ass forever." I chuckled.
"I'm pretty sure only Force-sensitives can do that." I told him.
"Well," he shrugged as we started to walk back to the main camp. "I'll figure it out." I laughed. We walked by silently, hurriedly, and I felt so much weight on my shoulders-my promise to Poe and, therefore, to the rest of the Resistance; my belief in Ben; my allegiance to Luke, Leia, Han, all sensing these occurrences from somewhere in the great beyond-and it would have felt crushing, if it weren't for the total faith I felt in my dyad. Ben was not toying with me, as Poe had assumed. Ben was helping me, standing side by side with the Resistance, and I knew I would do anything if it meant I could show him just how much trust I had in him now.
