It was late in the day before Carver felt that it was safe to leave Adara's side and that she wouldn't die the moment he took his eyes off of her, despite Oliver's efforts. Jacen and Nolan raised their heads as he left the commander's bedchamber, but neither one had a smartass comment. Even Nolan could be serious when the situation warranted it, and he had enough sense besides to recognize when Carver was more in a mood to deck him than to tolerate his teasing.

"The seneschal thought it'd be best to have some of her own men on guard for a while," Jacen said by way of explanation.

"She's in no place to argue about it. Not yet, anyway," Carver said with a shrug, trying not to look relieved. Lily was firmly locked away, and it seemed unlikely that any more assassins were currently lurking in the Keep, but they had seen the consequences of letting their guard down. Adara could fuss about it when she was strong enough to string more than five words together.

Carver hesitated. He wanted to say something along the lines of 'you better not let anyone through that door' but knew rationally that it wasn't necessary. He nodded to his fellow Grey Wardens instead before making his way to the chapel.

Nathaniel leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, ignoring Jowan who paced back and forth in front of the chapel door. Of course Jowan was here. Where else would the twitchy little twerp be? Carver made a more or less valiant attempt to keep the exasperation off his face at the sight of him. Jowan had helped keep Adara alive today. That earned him a tiny bit of civility, he supposed begrudgingly, even if the mage was still irritating as shit.

"She's fine," Carver said in response to the question on both men's faces when they saw him approach. "All things considered."

"I can't believe this is happening. Lily…" Jowan said very quietly, almost to himself.

"She was less stabby as a Chantry sister, was she?" Carver sniped uncharitably.

"Hawke," Nathaniel warned.

One hand on the dagger at his belt, Nathaniel slowly opened the chapel door. Carver could see over his shoulder that Lily was sitting on the front pew, quiet but for some sniffling. She looked up when she heard the door open. She was still covered in Adara's blood with a large smear of it dried across one cheek.

After confirming that she was unarmed, Nathaniel gestured for the other men to enter. Nathaniel took a seat at the pew across the aisle from Lily. Carver chose to stand, hoping a bit meanly that his imposing presence made her uncomfortable. Jowan lurked near the door like a frightened shadow. Lily's eyes immediately found him anyway, and he flinched. "Lily," Nathaniel began, his voice solemn but even. "I don't believe I need to explain the severity of your crime to you. Or what the punishment could be."

"No, ser," Lily said softly. "I-I know what I've done. I shouldn't have—" she made a little choked sound, clearly trying to stop herself from sobbing again. "Is she… did I…"

"Commander Surana is alive," Nathaniel said.

Warring expressions crossed Lily's face: relief, guilt, but also a flicker of disappointment. "I never wanted to hurt anyone," she said.

"Could have fooled me," Carver said darkly.

Nathaniel gave him a look before turning his attention back to Lily. "Then why did you? If you have any explanation, now is the time to give it."

Lily nodded. She was silent for a long time. Carver wanted to shake her until she talked, though he could tell by her distressed expression that she was attempting to organize her thoughts. "I thought it was another test," she said eventually.

Nathaniel frowned. "What sort of test?"

Lily swallowed hard. "The Veil is thin at Aeonar," she whispered. "Things from across the Veil push day and night to cross over, never stopping for a moment. The mages never last very long, but I… I'm not a mage. Demons can't take me so easily, but they still try. And the templars let them. Every time I am tested, I hope it will be enough for them to let me go free."

Carver was unimpressed. "If you're trying to say that you thought this whole thing was a demonic hallucination, I don't believe you."

"No," Lily said quickly. "No, I-I knew this was different. Real. I just thought…" She looked down at her lap. "I thought maybe it was one final test, to prove that I can be strong for the Maker. That's what Ser Harrith told me it could be."

"Who is Harrith?" Nathaniel prompted.

"He met us on the road from Amaranthine," Lily said. "Ser Rolf knew him."

"And Rolf was the escort sent with you from Aeonar? What did he tell you?"

"Ser Rolf only said was that I was free now. I didn't believe him. Then Harrith killed him and told me he deserved it, that Rolf had taken me from Aeonar against the will of the Knight-Commander. The Knight-Commander thought I must have tricked him, and I would be given to a demon when Harrith took me back. I was scared," Lily said, her voice dropping so low that the men had to strain to hear her. "But he said he could help me. If I proved my devotion to the Maker and that I was uncorrupted, he would tell Knight-Commander Brynn that I was innocent. I only had to prove it first."

"By murdering the woman who stopped the Blight?" Carver scoffed but with marginally less anger than he had anticipated. Lily wasn't right in the head after what sounded like years of mental torture, and someone had taken advantage of an opportunity. He was more pissed off at the archer than the arrow.

"Magic exists to serve man and never to rule over him," Lily recited, still not meeting anyone's gaze. "Since it was my partially fault that she was freed from the Circle in the first place, I could undo my mistake. Make sure she didn't have power over anyone. So she couldn't hurt anyone."

That did piss him off, but Nathaniel preempted whatever Carver was going to say by shooting him another warning look.

"I didn't want to. I don't want to hurt anyone." Lily's eyes were filled with tears again.

"She never even let me squish spiders," Jowan put in unexpectedly. He seemed surprised when everyone looked at him, as if he wasn't aware he had spoken aloud.

"Adara's death was to be my penance. It didn't feel right, not even after the blood magic, but… nothing ever feels right anymore," Lily said with resignation.

"What blood magic?" Carver asked sharply, beating Nathaniel to the question.

Lily looked at her trembling bloodstained hands. "I felt her in my head. I had the knife at her throat, but when she told me to stop… I had to listen. I was so close to ending all of this, one way or another." Her voice was mournful, but it was difficult to say with certainty what she was mourning.

Carver and Nathaniel exchanged concerned glances. When Carver turned to look at him, Jowan wouldn't meet his eyes, but that in and of itself wasn't unusual. She's not a blood mage, Carver wanted to shout at Lily.

Nathaniel's brow was still creased in a frown, but he waved a hand dismissively. "That is something for later discussion, perhaps. Where is Harrith now?"

"I-I don't know," Lily said, looking up with wide eyes. "He said he would be back for me, but that was a lie, wasn't it?"

"Have we really hit another dead end?" Carver complained.

"Not just yet," Nathaniel said. "The name is familiar. I'll ask Mother Leanna if she's heard of him. Knight-Commander Brynn at Aeonar may also be willing to assist once he hears about the murder of one of his men."

"Right. I'm sure they'll be really eager to cooperate," Carver grumbled.

Jowan surprised him by speaking up. "I know him," the mage said quietly. "He was a templar in Redcliffe when I was there. I never spoke to him, but I know he had some dealings with the Mages' Collective."

"He's certainly done an about-face since then," Carver muttered.

Nathaniel sighed. "Right then. My scouts will keep looking, but I'll get in touch with Zevran's people, let him know we have a lead worth seeking out." He rubbed his eyes with his fingertips before rising from his seat. "I appreciate your honesty, Sister Lily. The seneschal's men will be here in a moment to move you to the dungeon until the commander decides what to do with you."

"I know she'll kill me," Lily whispered to herself. "When she was in my head, she was so angry." It made Carver's stomach twist sharply to hear her saying things like that, and he wanted to shake her until she shut up. Adara wasn't a blood mage.

"Jowan," Lily said as the men moved to leave. "…I should have gone with you."

Jowan froze in the doorway. After a moment, he bowed his head. "I never should have—" His voice cracked. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I… I love you. Always. I never lied about that."

Carver was not in the mood for any of this, and he gave Jowan a little nudge to get him to stop blocking the damn door. "Put it in a poem or something," he grumbled.

Jowan pushed back against him long enough to meet Lily's eyes. Carver didn't know what Jowan could possibly see in those crazed eyes set in a bloodstained face, but whatever he saw was enough to make the mage's face draw with pain. Jowan left the chapel without another word, taking off down the corridor nearly at a sprint.

Guards entered the chapel to take Lily, Nathaniel hurried off to follow his leads, and Carver was left standing there directionless. He couldn't get Lily's voice out of his head: I felt her in my head, when she told me stop, I had to listen. He took a deep breath and tried to force away the little prickle of alarm. Lily was out of her mind, and he wouldn't let a very unstable madwoman shake his faith in his commander. Well, Adara was a lot more than just his commander, and he trusted her. That realization struck him hard: he had never imagined he could trust any mage that wasn't his father or his sisters.

Vivian would laugh herself sick if she knew.