A/N: I only own the OC.
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We all went to hang out on the beach after breakfast. The guys went down to set up a tent for us as Candace and I got ready. I walked out in my bikini and cover up and felt really fat next to her. She had a baby and still looked in great shape. I ate a carrot and gained 5 lbs.
"You ok today?" she asked me and I sighed.
"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore." I admitted.
"Is is Dexter?" she asked me and I shrugged.
"I told him I wouldn't sleep with him again until I was ready... honestly I just don't feel pretty anymore... and he kept asking yesterday so I told him I would if I could be in control for one night. I didn't think that he would do it because it's Dexter... he likes control. It's who he is... but he told me this morning that I could be in control tonight." I told her and she nodded. I had been friends with Candace long enough to know that Johnny was the same way. He wanted to be in control in the bedroom... it's gotta be a guy/ alpha male thing.
"Do you not want to sleep with him?" she asked me.
"I do, but you and I both know that the only other relationship I have ever had was Dave... who never let me be in control. Hell, I had never ridden a dick until Dexter. Dave never let me be on top." I said and she chuckled at that.
"You are nervous?" she asked me and I nodded.
"I know that we have slept together... I know he's good in bed. I know that I like when we fuck, but I'm not confident now. I don't know what happened." I admitted and she hugged me.
"Just tell him what you want... and how you want it. He wants to make this work and make sure you know he needs you. Tell him what you want and that's how you can control it tonight." she said and I nodded. She wasn't wrong... but with my limited experience... I wasn't even sure what I wanted.
We finally went outside and Dexter kissed my temple when we walked up.
"You ok?" he asked me and I nodded. I should be so comfortable around him, but I wasn't. I was panicking on the inside. I didn't want to lose him, but I knew that he deserved a better more experienced person than me.
Dexter POV
Candace and Jodi went to look for shells as Johnny and I sat there.
"You ok, man?" Johnny asked me and I nodded.
"Yeah, she just seems quiet today." I said and he shrugged as he opened another beer.
"Did you guys have another fight?" he asked me and I shook my head no.
"No, in fact I told her she could be in control tonight. I want her to know that I love and trust her." I said and he nodded.
"You do know you're only her second relationship right?" he asked me and I looked at him strange.
"Yeah, she's only ever dated you and Dave... and you saw how Dave turned out. They were together for years, he proposed, and then left her. She doesn't have much to go on here. She had guys throwing themselves at her when I first met her, but she was focused on the business until her dad pushed her to Dave." he said and I had no idea.
"No, I thought she dated, lived, and did things... I guess like I did after we stopped talking when we were younger. I hadn't seen her since she was 15 when I saw her again the night you told me to start." I admitted and he nodded.
"You need to ask her about her life then... her dad shipped her off to all girl's schools after her mother died. She hasn't experienced a lot of stuff, Dex. She doesn't know. She probably said she wanted to be in control just to put off whatever she was nervous about... or she didn't think you would actually do it." he said and I sighed. I realized that while we had picked up where we left off... we never addressed what happened while we were absent in each others lives. I looked over at her and Candace and fuck, I loved her... but I guess maybe I didn't take the time to get to know the Jodi now.
"Thanks." I mumbled and I felt kind of stupid. They came back and sat down. I handed her a beer and watched her as she talked to Johnny and Candace. She was beautiful, funny, and apparently dealing with a lot more than I took the time to realize.
Jodi POV
My anxiety rose as the day went on. Candace and Johnny were about to leave, and I wanted to scream take me with them. I didn't know why. Dexter was loving, he had never hurt me, but fuck, I didn't know what do do. They left and Dexter took my hand as we walked back inside. The clouds were beginning to gather as I walked outside to sit. He handed me a beer and sat down next to me.
"What is it, Princess?" he asked me and I looked over at him. I shrugged as I took a sip of my beer.
"Is it me?" he asked me and I looked at him surprised.
"No, it's... me. I promise it's me. You are amazing, Dexter, but maybe we shouldn't do this because of me." I admitted. I was naive, sheltered, stupid, and inexperienced in more than just the bedroom. I didn't want to bring those issues to him. He had already dealt with enough women's problems.
"Jodi, no... I want you... all of you... no matter what." he rambled off as he sat up to look at me.
"Dexter, I'm... Dave was my only other relationship... and it didn't go well obviously. I have these stupid notions that true love exist, fairy tales happen, and everything should be like Hallmark movies even if I know they aren't. It's me, and you deserve someone better than me." I said as I stood up. He quickly stood up and took my hands.
"I don't care about your experience, and I promise you that I can be that prince charming you talk about... but please don't leave me. I was miserable for the last month with out you. I know that maybe I still think of us as those idiot kids when were teenagers making out at Dad's party, but I wouldn't take it back that I was your first kiss. I wouldn't take it back that I had my stupid moments before I met you, and I would never take back how happy you make me. I know that it's a lot, but whatever you are nervous about we can work through. We don't have to have sex tonight. We don't even have to sleep in the same bed if you don't feel comfortable, but I want you to know that if you leave me again I can't deal with it. I don't need anyone in my life, Jodi, but I want you there." he said and I was surprised because that was more emotion than he had shown even when we talked that night at my house when he told me about his ex-wife.
I did love Dexter with everything I had, but I felt stupid. I really did.
"Dexter... you want someone better than me." I finally said and he dropped to his knees while holding my hands.
"Poppet... there is no one better than you... not to me. I don't deserve you. I have done stupid things, bad things, and regretful things... but you are and never will be one of them." he admitted to me. He held my hands and placed his forehead against my lower stomach.
"Please..." he begged as I saw a tear roll down his cheek. I didn't want to see him upset, and I felt horrible that I was the one upsetting him.
"Dexter... just be gentle with me. I have already been hurt, and I don't know how much more I can take." I finally admitted. He placed a kiss to my stomach and stood up.
"I will treat you like the princess you are, but please don't scare me like that." he said and I nodded as he pressed his lips to mine. I really did feel love from Dexter, and now I just hoped that I was good enough for him.
