Chapter 1 - Stolen Dreams
Plot: They promised each other forever. They promised each other that their love with withstand the war, the pressure, the burdens of leadership, and the inevitable power imbalance between them. They promised each other that their love would outburn the stars themselves. But in war, nothing is a guarantee, and that is something Anika and Fives know all too well.
Author's Note: A guest on ao3 suggested this fic, and... well, it's not the kind of thing I normally write, but I had so much fun with it. I hope y'all enjoy the romance and angst and found family. :D
There are five chapters, and I'll be updating every Wednesday. ^-^
Also, this is for the 501st Bingo square of "ghosts". :)
~ Amina Gila
"... Wow."
Anika can't help the small smile that plays on her lips at the sheer awe and reverence in Fives' voice. "Cool, huh?" she agrees, nudging his shoulder, mindful of the fact that they're in public, as they stand in one of the many doorways of the Room of One Thousand Fountains in the Jedi Temple. When she first came here, she'd been overwhelmed by it, by the greenery here. It seemed like something out of a fantasy, not a real place that could exist somewhere in the galaxy.
Fives whistles quietly. "I know you said it was... beautiful, but this is..."
"A lot?" she supplies when he trails off, linking her arm with his. Through the Force, she can tell that no one else is around in their immediate vicinity, and anyway, Jedi are allowed to platonically touch people. No one needs to know that she's holding Fives' arm because she wants to be close to him.
"Mm," he agrees, his head turning all around as he tries to take in the sights of this place. "Thanks for bringing me here."
"Yeah," she answers dryly, "Just don't go blabbing to Jesse and the boys. They'll be jealous."
"Well," he deadpans, "I don't know. I think we could all fit in here reasonably well without overcrowding the Jedi here."
Anika laughs. "True, but I'd probably be banned from the Temple. Now, c'mon. Let me show you my favorite spot here."
It's by one of the water fountains, tucked in a small alcove under the shade of a large tree with enormous leaves. Anika isn't certain what species it is, but it's very old. She can feel its ancientness when she touches its bark, the steadfastness of its life.
Fives leans back against the tree, not seeming too out of place in his armor despite being in the Jedi Temple. She settles next to him, resting her head on his shoulder, secure in the knowledge that they're alone and in private.
They've officially been together for half a year now, though their friendship started growing much deeper in the aftermath of the Citadel, after Echo died. Fives was struggling and grieving, and Anika helped him, stood by him, held him, talked to him. She supported him, and somewhere during the way, Fives went from being just a friend to being her confidante. He's Rex's right hand, and Rex is hers. The three of them are almost inseparable now, especially with – with Ahsoka gone.
At first, when they both realized how much they'd come to care for each other, they'd talked about it, agreeing to wait until after the war when they could be equals to act on their mutual feelings. But then, there was a mission, a bad one, and Fives nearly died. It shook them deeply, a harsh reminder that nothing is a guarantee in war. Though they don't talk about it, they know that it's not unlikely for one of them to die before it ends.
They... talked about it, because they had been all too conscious about the power imbalance between them, with Anika being Fives' General, and him just being a random ARC trooper – even if he is practically Rex's second now. They'd finally agreed that while on the fronts, Fives will follow her lead, and while together, she'll follow his. It's... a tricky arrangement, but they make it work.
"What do you think we'll do when the war ends?" Fives asks finally, resting his head against hers and threading their fingers together. It's not the first time he's brought it up, the question of what will happen to the clones after the war. For as much as they look forward to it, they also dread it, because there's so much uncertainty. The clones were created for the war, so they won't be needed the same way when it ends. It's terrifying, the unknown of it all.
"I don't know," Anika answers, closing her eyes and listening to the rushing water, letting the calmness of it wash over her, soothing her. "I want to leave the Order. Maybe. It depends on... what the Senate decides. Maybe we can go somewhere remote and buy a house."
"That... sounds nice," he admits, voice barely above a whisper. "Just us and a house and nothing around for miles."
She snuggles closer to him, ignoring the way the plastoid of his armor digs painfully into her shoulder. "We'll need somewhere for the boys to stay when they come," she adds, letting herself get swept up in the dream of a possible future, one where the war is over and they're both happy. "Maybe some extra bedrooms in the house."
"We can build them a mansion," Fives says, a little gleefully, "They can live there. We can get a house. Rex would be traumatized if he had a room in our house. I don't think he's too fond of his brother and sister getting together."
Anika snorts at that, until his words fully register. "Sister?" she echoes, feeling emotions well up. She's always been one of the clones. She fits in among them in a way no other Jedi ever has, and she's aware of that. She just – she didn't exactly expect this open of an acceptance. It was always unnamed, unlabeled, and she's been content with that, because at least she has a place where she fits in, finally, after so long of being alone and different.
"Well, of course," he answers cheerfully. "You're his vod." A heartbeat. "Not mine though."
She makes a face. "I hope not."
They sit there in silence for a few more minutes, letting the peacefulness linger before Anika breaks the quiet. "Have – have you ever thought about children?" she asks softly.
Fives is quiet, turning to stare at the water fountain. "I don't know if I even can have children," he answers, subdued, and in the Force, she can feel the tinge of regret echoing into the Force, a wistful longing, "But... if I can, I would, yeah." He glances at her with a crooked smile. "I think we need to give Rex plenty of nieces and nephews to keep him busy. Maybe they'll be as chaotic as Rex claims we both are. Imagine the look on his face." He quirks an eyebrow, and Anika giggles, reaching up absently to finger the simple, gold necklace around her neck.
She keeps it hidden, of course, since Jedi aren't supposed to own possessions, but... she wears it all the time, a symbol of her bond with Fives. He got it for her a few months ago, though she has no idea how he afforded the thing, since clones aren't paid, and they don't get much credits worth speaking of. She never asked, and he's never told, but she adores it. It's simple, plain – a thin gold chain with the number '5' dangling from it.
Since Fives is, technically, property of the Republic, he can't marry or anything of that nature, since he isn't a citizen. But, like Anika told him at the beginning, "on Tatooine, slaves weren't allowed to marry, since they were property. That didn't stop them from creating rituals and customs to celebrate promises made to each other."
Fives... had been thoughtful afterwards, and it was a few weeks later when he got her the necklace. "It's not much," he's said, a bit bashfully, "But... I thought about what you said, and I... we talked about a forever."
She'd... cried. Just a little. "I want a forever," she'd admitted as he clasped it around her neck. She hasn't taken it off since.
"I want children," Anika confesses, turning her face into his shoulder. "I – my mom was... she was amazing, even though she was the only parent I had, and I – I want to be a mother, too." Until Obi-Wan, she never had a father. "If we had children, I know I'd never need to worry about them not being cared for."
"Never," Fives vows fervently, carding his hand through her long, blonde hair, winding the strands around his fingers. "If – I – I would like to name our oldest child Eyayah." Anika feels a wave of emotion wash over her at the word. It's Mando'a for 'echo', a tribute to his fallen brother.
"Of course," she agrees instantly. "He – I think he would have liked that." She thinks Echo would have done the same for Fives, if their roles had been reversed. Most of the clones don't form the kind of attachment to each other that Fives and Echo had. They were quite co-dependent, and even though she knows how hard it's been for Fives since – since the Citadel mission, since they lost Echo, she still thinks there was a beauty to their relationship, to their closeness. She's never had that with anyone before.
Fives hums, and she feels the deep twinge of grief inside him. It never really goes away – even now, so much time later, he still grieves sometimes as if his brother just died yesterday. She can't take that pain from him and nor would she want to, because Echo was – he was real, and it's only right for them to mourn him. She can't take Fives' pain, but she can help him through it, make sure he knows he's not alone.
She doesn't offer any platitudes, lifting her head from his shoulder, and leaning closer, closing the gap between them, kissing him lightly, gently. He deepens the kiss, pulling her closer to him before breaking away, pressing their foreheads together. He doesn't say anything and nor does she. There's nothing to say.
Probably even years from now, after the war is over, and they've started the family they're dreaming up, Anika knows they'll still have moments like this where Fives grieves his fallen brother, and she holds him through the pain.
She wouldn't have it any other way.
**w**
The blaster bolt brings her world to a crashing end, and even though they're not alone, nothing could have stopped her horrified scream.
"Fives!"
At her side, Rex is just as shocked, frantically calling Fives' name as he crumples to the ground, but all Anika can think is he's going to die. The Force had been in a turmoil, her sleep restless for days, but she hadn't understood, she hadn't seen anything until this moment.
Commander Fox shoots the ray shield generator that had been keeping them trapped, and with a strangled half-sob, she drops to her knees next to Fives, Rex on his other side, half pulling him into his arms. "Call for help!" yells Rex, panicking. "We need a medic!"
But it's no use. She knows it. He knows it.
"Rex," Fives gasps out, locking eyes with his brother before glancing at her. "Anika. This – It's bigger than any of us... Than anything I could have imagined. I never meant to... I only wanted to do my duty."
"I was framed because I know the truth. The truth about a plot, a massive deception!"
"There's a sinister plot in the works against the Jedi. I have proof of it."
"Organic chips, built into our genetic code to make us do whatever someone wants, even kill the Jedi."
"I don't know to what extent. But I know he orchestrated much of this."
"The Chancellor? He couldn't do what you're claiming, Fives."
"He is! I swear to you, Anika. You have no idea..."
"Brother," Rex chokes out, sounding on the verge of tears, shaking Fives as his breathing becomes more and more irregular, his presence in the Force beginning to flicker and wane. "Fives, stay with me."
"Fives, please," Anika whispers, her voice cracking. She doesn't care about their audience as she slips her hand into his, squeezing it tightly as if she can somehow keep him here with them as her heart begins to shatter into a million pieces. No. Nonono. This can't be happening. Force please not Fives not Fives. They had a promise. They had a dream –
"The mission," he rasps out, choking on an inhale, his vision going distant as he slips away. "The nightmares... They're finally over."
"Fives? Don't go! Stay with me." Rex shakes him slightly, but it's – it's too late.
"Fives, stay with me," Anika calls frantically, tightening her grip so much it must be painful – if he could even feel it anymore. She can feel it as his body goes limp in Rex's arms, his Force presence flickering and winking out entirely, and she feels gutted, sucking in a shuttering breath as the pain crashes into her with the force of a Star Destroyer.
"Fives! Come on, Fives," Rex begs, begging his brother to come back, begging this not to be real. "Fives!"
She's not sure if it's her own pain, the knowledge that Fives did this for them, because he found something he shouldn't have and was framed for it, the knowledge that all their dreams for the future and gone and broken, or the deep, aching grief from Rex which sends her spiraling, ripping a sob from her as she breaks down and cries. She can feel too much in this moment, as she has since it all started, and it's only now that it all sinks in, the way she'd felt Fives's shock and numb realization when he'd been shot, his desperation to make them listen, the pain he'd fought through as he tried to impart his final words to them, a warning for the future.
Listen to me, he'd said, but he – it had all seemed so surreal and impossible, and Anika hadn't wanted to accept it. But Fives died to tell them what he thought he found, and – and –
In the Force, Rex is a mess of pain and grief and shock, and Anika shifts closer, touching his hand and pressing closer to Fives's body. It doesn't seem real or possible or – but it is. It is real, and she doesn't know how she can live in a world where Fives is dead, and yes, they always knew it was a real possibility, but not like this never like this.
A hole has been ripped inside her, the sparkling link of starlight, the weakest of Force bonds between her and Fives missing. Broken. Gone. It aches and hurts, crying out for someone who will never be on the other end of it again.
Not Fives.
Please.
But no matter how much she sobs or how far she shatters, Fives will never be there to touch her on the shoulder in comfort or solidarity. He'll never be there to try and cheer her up when she's struggling. He'll never be there to hold her when she's exhausted or afraid or lonely. He'll never whisper to her at night about the plans for when the war is over. He'll never profess his undying love to her – or she to him.
Fives is gone.
He's gone, and he's not coming back.
He's gone, and their hopes – her hopes for a better, happier future are gone with him, the one bright light she had clung to in her darkest hours.
He's gone, and she...
... And she is alone.
**w**
Fives is gone, but the world keeps turning anyway.
It's so unfair, she thinks bitterly, that everything can keep on existing as if her universe wasn't thrown off kilter. It feels like something should be more different. She doesn't know how long it is that she and Rex grieve before they finally pull themselves away, letting Fives' body be taken. They go back to the Star Destroyer in a daze, not speaking, hardly even responding, and she thinks that the only reason she isn't spiraling is because Rex is at her side, a steady, supportive presence. The same is probably true for him as well.
She pulls Rex to her quarters without a word spoken between them, freezing in place when they actually enter, because – this is the place she and Fives spent so much time. They laughed together, cried together, mourned together, dreamed together in these walls. Almost all of their memories were made in these walls, and they feel like his just as much as they feel like hers, and she can't –
A sob bubbles out, and the tears she thought she'd finished shedding already rise up again, blurring her vision, flowing unchecked down her face.
Rex's hand is gentle on her arm as he guides her from the room, leading her to his office instead and she sinks down onto the edge of his desk, trying desperately to get herself back under control. It's hard, impossible really, when it feels like her heart has been ground into dust. Fives – Fives –
It doesn't seem real, and she's acutely aware of the way her body is trembling despite her best efforts. This was – this was never supposed to happen. They had a dream, a promise, and why?
Why did this have to happen? Why did he have to die? Why did –
(Is this to be her fate, holding the people she loves in her arms as they die while she's helpless to stop it? What good is her power if she can't save anyone?
"You can't save everyone, Anika," Fives had murmured in her ear one night as he brushed her hair back from her face, after she'd confessed to him how much she feels like a failure because of how many men they lost on their last mission. "We admire you, because you try, but we would never resent you for failing. You're not a goddess, cyar'ika – though it might be a better world if you were –" he'd chuckled lightly at the joke, and it had made her crack a smile, "– And you care about the boys as no other Jedi does. You don't have to be anything you don't want to be. That prophecy you told me about? I say it's osik. It means nothing. You control your own destiny. You, An'ika, are a force of nature. No prophecy determines your future."
She had listened to him quietly, because Fives, for all of his lightheartedness, can be equally serious and thoughtful when the occasion calls for it. It had been hard to accept his words, instead of immediately dismissing them, when they went against everything she'd believed, but she tried, because Fives cares about her for her. No one else has ever done that.)
Fives didn't die in war. She could have accepted that, if it had happened. What guts her most is that he died senselessly, at the hands of a fellow clone. Perhaps when she recollects herself, she'll confront Fox about his behavior. But right now – right now, she just needs time to pull her broken pieces together. She needs time to help Rex through the grief that is drowning him alive, a grief that she shares.
She touches her necklace absently, trying to draw strength from the metal around her neck, a physical, unshakable symbol of the love that she and Fives shared, and trying to breathe through the pain that's eating at her.
Force. He can't be – can't be gone. It doesn't even seem real, or possible, no matter that she held his body as it cooled, no matter that she felt their bond, though weak, shatter.
It could be minutes or hours that she leans there, on the edge of Rex's desk while he sits in his chair, staring blankly. They don't talk or even move, but the fact that they're both there is a huge comfort, because at least they're not alone in their grief. Fives was so, so important to both of them, and the pain of his loss will be felt... for the rest of their lives. Not unlike how losing Echo affected Rex and Fives to this day.
Anika looks up when the door opens, and she would be surprised if she was capable of feeling anything. It's Cody who steps inside, expression grave, sorrow etched onto his features. "I heard," he says quietly, and the door closes behind him as he moves closer. "I came as soon as I could."
Rex makes a quiet, wounded noise, and Anika feels the desperate urge to hug him, but that's never really been their thing. They're close, very close, but... they don't really hug. They'll touch each other, sure, but not... that.
She sniffles, scrubbing at her face as if it can wipe away the undoubtedly visible traces of tears, and when she looks up, Cody is in front of her. There's sympathy in his brown eyes as he touches her shoulder, a flicker of indecision on his face for a moment before he leans forward and kisses her forehead. "I'm so sorry, vod," he whispers, wrapping his arms around her tightly. "I know how much he meant to you."
It was never a secret among the clones, though they were all very careful to keep it from others, that Anika and Fives are – were... close. Too close according to regulations that none of them cared about.
Vod, Cody said, and Anika closes her eyes, tears prickling at them. Fives had told her, offhandedly, how Rex considered her a sister, and she just – she never realized, somehow, that all the clones see her that way, even Cody.
She thought she'd be alone forever after Fives – after –
But... she's beginning to realize now how untrue that is. She has Rex and Cody and her boys. Rex and Cody mourn Fives as deeply as she does, no doubt, even if differently, since he was their brother, but they still grieve him. She'll always love Fives, and always long for him, but... she isn't alone in this. It will have to be enough.
And then, Cody pulls away from her, going to Rex and wrapping him in a crushing embrace, whispering words of comfort and rubbing his back, holding him while he falls apart. Anika hesitates for only a moment before circling the desk, pressing herself close to the two, to the two brothers she never fully realized she had until now, as they grieve for a man who had meant the world to all of them.
Final Notes: If you want to join our Discord to receive updates or just hang out, here's the invite link, and please delete the spaces! :) discord . gg / nqSxuz2
You can find us on tumblr at fanfictasia (which is our more serious blog which does have controversial posts on it; I won't be offended if you choose to block it, promise), and disastertriowriting (which is our fun blog with crack posts or incorrect SW quotes; we also advertise our SW gift exchanges on there)
And! We have a YT channel for tributes! Please delete the spaces in the link. :D youtube channel / UC_g1M5rSCxJUzQCRS29B6pA
Finally, if you're interested, you can submit a SW gift fic request via the following form (delete the spaces): forms . gle / rmXWtRomMMaULuPa6
NEW: We've just opened a SW Anakin-clones fic request form as well. :) (delete the spaces): forms . gle / SC5gBdwhXpTNJidr7
