Chapter 4 - Deeper Than Love
Author's Note: There's only one chapter left. :')
But I am planning a sequel that takes place during ROTS, so if any of y'all have any ideas/suggestions for it, feel free to let me know! :D
~ Amina Gila
Anika goes to meditate while they're still enroute, slipping into the Force and letting its soothing Light wash over her. And then, she reaches for Fives. She doesn't know how to do it, exactly, but she knows he's out there somewhere, and she so badly wants to talk to him again before they go after Echo.
If soulmates were real, Fives would be hers. They fit together in a way she never has with anyone else. They were completely in sync, working together seamlessly though they'd only known each other for a couple years. Even she and Obi-Wan had taken longer to fit together. With Fives gone, it's as though a part of her is empty, missing, constantly calling out for her missing half. This, she thinks, a little miserably, must be what it's like to lose a soulmate.
Even doing what she knows Fives would have wanted is only a cover, a mask for the grief and pain. It's easier, knowing she isn't alone, grieving with the boys, but there's still – she knew Fives in ways none of the boys did, so it probably makes sense that a part of her grief is one that they can't fully understand, something that's deeper.
Or maybe it's just that she's always felt things so much more intensely than most.
She drifts a little further, and then, there's a slight tug, and she's lying on her back, on the mats in the training room on her Star Destroyer. Fives is on top of her, pinning her down, a devious smirk on his lips. "You figured it out," he says, a little amused.
Anika shifts underneath him, testing the strength of his grip. In answer, he only tightens his hold on her hand, keeping them firmly pressed against the floor above her head. "Why are we here?" she questions. She and Fives have been here many times, and she definitely doesn't mind being this close to him.
"Mm. It's a memory," he answers, dipping his head to brush his lips on her cheek. "Remember when we pulled that stunt and annoyed Rex enough to challenge us to a one-on-one spar, no weapons, no tricks, no Force?"
She huffs out a breath, relaxing on the floor. "Ah." Actually, she remembers that vividly. They'd done something a little bit stupid and reckless, and after chewing them out for being so careless, Rex had challenged the two to have a one-on-one spar with each other. Not like they'd minded, of course, still testing out their feelings for one another, no matter how much they might have just agreed to wait.
In retrospect, maybe Rex had been a little annoyed that they kept eyeing each other, so he'd forced them together in the probable hopes of making them less stupid.
Did it work?
She honestly has no idea.
All she does remember, quite clearly, is that they'd very nearly kissed in front of an audience.
"Ah," Fives mimics, obviously trying not to laugh.
Anika wriggles under him, attempting to free her hands, but short of shoving him off her, it doesn't seem as though it'll be too successful. Whatever. It's not like she has any objections to having Fives pressed so close. "How is this possible?" she queries, because she's still wondering. Even if this is really his spirit, not just a dream or her imagination, it doesn't say how. It shouldn't be possible; it's against everything she's been taught as a Jedi.
"You are the Jedi here," he teases. "How should I know?"
"And you are the one haunting me," she deadpans.
Fives snorts. "Point." He lets go of her wrists, grabbing her hips and flipping them over so she's on top of him, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Maybe the Force really, really likes me," he suggests, quirking an eyebrow. "I mean, I'm it's son-in-law, or something, right? Maybe that makes us both very special."
Longing stabs through her like a vibroblade, longing for Fives' unique brand of sarcasm and humor. Hearing it here, knowing she'll only ever hear it in her dreams, it's gutting. Some days, she can't quite even fathom what all she's lost. Some days, it still doesn't seem possible to her, that she'll wake up without Fives curled around her, to a world where their forever is naught but dush and ash.
"I'm not a goddess," she states very firmly.
"Maybe you are," Fives says seriously, and a half-laugh, half-sob escapes her as she drops her head onto his chest and just breathes.
"Force, I've missed you."
His hand cards through her hair, a familiar gesture of comfort that nearly brings tears to her eyes. "And I've missed you." His voice is soft, quiet. "It kills me to see you in pain." He lifts her head, gently, and her gaze blurs with tears when she meets his brown-gold eyes. "You'll be okay," he says, but it sounds more like a plea than a promise. "You're strong, Anika, and you're not alone. You'll be okay."
There's a quiet intensity in his gaze, and she finds that she can't look away. "I can't promise that," she answers, very softly.
Fives' fingertips skate across her face, very gently, as if he's memorizing her features all over again. "I know you," he replies with the casual confidence that she's missed so much. "You'll find a way, for Eyayah."
"That's not fair." She's not sulking, not quite, but it's a near thing, even she has to admit that. Because she knows that he's right. For all that she wants to be weak and grieve for what she's lost, she'll find a way to be strong for their daughter, for the family who they have left. That's just who she is.
A knowing look is in his eyes, as if he read her mind – and who knows? Maybe he did. It's not as though she knows how this whole spirit thing works. "I'll always find a way to push you in the right direction," he promises, "Even if you don't want to go. I won't let you get lost in your head, even for me. Especially for me. Rex needs you. Echo needs you. Now go, cyar'ika, take care of them for me."
Fives has never played fair and, she supposes, she doesn't know why she thought this would be any different. She resurfaces from her meditative trance with a half-smile on her face, grief aching in her heart, and a final whisper of tell Rex I said hi.
Rex is watching her when she opens her eyes, rising from the floor. Well, he's the only one who's watching her openly, but she can tell that all of them are quite fascinated by her. Probably, she's the first Jedi they've ever seen. "Is… everything alright?" Rex asks, obviously choosing his words carefully.
She wonders what he – and the others – can see on her face. "Yeah," she replies, "I'm fine. We'll be fine." And then, after a brief hesitation, and more quietly, "He said to tell you hi."
Rex looks away, a flare of grief echoing into the Force. He doesn't answer, not as though there's anything to answer.
They arrive on Skako Minor, to a world that's entirely new and different, though that's not an uncommon experience. No matter how many places Anika sees, each one still manages to be unique to her. Almost immediately, they encounter the natives, the Poletecs, as well as the flying reptiles that they apparently worship.
"We need to talk to them," Anika tells the Bad Batch after one of the creatures lands on the Marauder – they're two seconds from shooting on it for that offense alone, which she gets, because their ship is their home, and she's protective of her ships, too, but they don't need to start hostilities.
And then, another creature dives in, picking her up in its claws.
The last thing she hears is Rex's panicked scream of "Anika!" before she's whisked away into the clouds. But, of course, the Bad Batch and Rex follow her, and they arrive in the village of the Poletecs. With Tech translating for both sides, the natives agree to lead them to the capital of Purkoll though they do not want to help them further.
But that's good enough. Some help is better than no help.
And they're now one step closer to finding Echo.
Or at least Anika hoped so until Tech reports that he's lost Echo's signal. "It is possible there's a latency issue with the frequency caused by all these atmospheric disturbances," he suggests.
"Or maybe," Hunter interjects, "They sent the signal to lure us into a trap. And maybe your friend's actually dead. Well, I can't be the only one thinking of that."
They – Rex and the Bad Batch – nearly come to blows over it, and Anika interrupts, sending Hunter and his men to scout while she talks to Rex alone. She can understand his pain, his grief, his guilt. She feels it, too, and she knows, and he knows that Echo is alive because Fives' spirit told them so. But she also understands why the Bad Batch don't have the same confidence, especially when they don't know how Anika and Rex know.
"They're not wrong," she admits, staring after the retreating figures, "But… we have to be prepared for the possibility that something could go wrong and we… could lose him."
Raw grief flashes across Rex's face, but he nods, stoically. "I know, vod, and I – if something happens, I'll deal with it."
They break into the tower, and it goes sideways from the start. It was supposed to be stealth, but the Bad Batch – okay, to be fair, Wrecker is the one who charged out first – attacked the droids. They make their way through the halls, dodging droid patrols when they can and taking them out when they can't, and finally, finally, they make it to the room where Echo is being held.
She wants to go in there with Rex, but the droids are closing in, and it's best for her to be out there with the clones, protecting and defending them while Rex and Tech get Echo out. As the droids continue to advance, they fall back into the room where Echo is. Hunter and Crosshair get to work on sealing the doors while she turns to check on Echo's condition. She nearly gasps aloud when she sees him, starved so much she can see his ribs. His legs are mechanical, his right arm is mechanical, a scomp sticking out of where a hand should be. He has numerous other implants on his body, on his chest and head, pieces that allow his limbs to provide feedback to his brain.
It – he looks like something out of a horror film.
Anika and Fives saw one, once, just out of curiosity, and because Padme had suggested it to them with a smirked comment of "I doubt you'll find it too scary though, with everything you've seen." And she was right. It was… well, it was horror, but it didn't scare them. Instead, they'd spent the whole film critiquing it and making fun of it. That had been more enjoyable than watching the stupid protagonist walk into one bad situation after another for absolutely no reason – except to terrify the audience or maybe make them cry over his sheer stupidity.
They'd laughed about it afterwards, laughed until they nearly cried. It was one of the last times they had any fun together, much less actually laughed, so carefree and light, only days before they shipped off Coruscant to Cato Neimoidia. It all fell apart from there.
Echo is – he looks awful, and Anika is filled with a violent, protective rage on his behalf. He should never have gone through this.
The droids keep coming, though, so she doesn't have time to think about it. They retreat to the cooling vent, escaping from the narrow pipe only because Tech thought to record the call of the flying reptiles. The creatures carry them from the Separatist outpost in Purkoll back to the natives' village. Anika feels a little bad about that, about dragging them into the war, but… well, this is war, and they couldn't leave Echo behind either.
They lay an ambush for the droid forces when they arrive, settling into position to wait for the right moment. Anika lets Rex and Hunter lead, as she often does, but she doesn't miss the lingering, worried look Rex throws at her as she, Crosshair, and Echo turn to climb onto the edge of cliff overlooking the village where they'll be safer.
"General…" There are so many unspoken things in that one word, and she can hear them all, the be careful, the be safe that he isn't going to say with so many people watching.
"We'll be fine," she promises. 'We' meaning both her and the baby, and her and the clones. They'll all be fine – she can feel it. Besides, they've got Fives watching over them from the other side, so what could go wrong?
The battle begins, a fierce fight that can only have one victor, and she would rather die than let any of the clones here fall. But then, it's not just her life on the line anymore, so she's being forced to get used to them taking a shot for her, for her and Eyayah, no matter how much it hurts.
It's going well until the walkers show up. She watches with no small amount of concern as the Poletecs – and the clones, too – start being overwhelmed. "Rex, we've gotta take out these walkers," she calls into her comm, lightsaber hilt clasped tightly in her prosthetic. "I'll take one. You take the other."
"Don't worry, General. The boys and I can handle it," he replies, a tinge of amusement in his voice.
Anika backs up, bracing herself to make a running leap forward. "Still showing off, huh, General?" Echo asks, teasingly.
She smirks at him, a feeling of levity flickering for a moment amidst the seriousness and chaos. "You know me, Echo," she answers, leaping forwards and falling down, directly onto the droid. She stabs into it, dashing across its surface and sliding down the slide, using the blade to slow her fall, catching herself on one of the cannons. She slices off the end, dropping on the leg right below before jumping and flipping to the second.
It's like a dance, in a sense, the movements muscle memory and skill, the Force feeding her information, increasing her awareness in a way that no clone or even many Jedi can ever match. She's used to this, to the battle, to the fight, her mind laser-focused on the outcome and what she has to achieve. It's easy to cut off one of the legs, to sense through the Force that Wrecker is in danger, flipping backwards and shoving outward at the same time, sending the massive body tipping over, crashing into the second and saving Wrecker.
They collapse onto the ground with a crash, and the remaining droid forces turn tail and fly away, retreating.
It's over.
They won.
They stay long enough to help the Poletecs settle and thank them for their aid before leaving Skako Minor, and the memories, far behind.
You did good, darling, Fives whispers in her ear, and she could swear that she feels his pride, his joy, his relief. For her safety and for Echo's freedom. He might not be here, but he still has seen his brother freed, and she cannot begin to imagine what it must mean to him.
It's not until they've made the jump to hyperspace that the question comes.
Echo is looking between her and Rex, brow furrowed, and she can almost feel the Force tense as he asks, "Where's Fives?"
They both freeze, and it's not until this moment that Anika realizes they'll have to explain it to him, all of it. They'll have to tell him what happened to his brother, his twin, his everything. Stars. She's not ready for this.
"I –" Rex's voice falters, and he steps closer, as if he can somehow shield Echo from the truth. "Echo, I'm so sorry."
Anika can sense the way Hunter stills, the way Crosshair looks up sharply, the way Wrecker goes abnormally quiet, the way Tech just… stops. Hunter motions, and by unspoken agreement, the four of them slip away towards the cockpit, far enough to give them the illusion of privacy though there's no doubt that they can still hear every word.
Echo's expression just… shatters, grief flaring sharply into the Force. "What… happened?" he asks quietly.
Anika is hit by the overwhelming urge to wrap her arms around him, to try and soothe him, though she can no more protect him from the pain than Rex can. Still, that doesn't mean she won't suffer along with him, as if she just lost Fives all over again. The grief in her is still a living thing most days, eating at her, even if the war is a good distraction from her own feelings of loss.
She took care of Fives after Echo, and now, she can repay Fives for everything he did for her, by taking care of Echo now that Fives is gone.
(Will it ever stop hurting? Will she ever be able to say his name without an accompanying feeling of loss? Will she be able to look back on their happy memories and feel happy instead of the bittersweetness of regret, loss, and love that she feels now?)
"We – there was… Fives stumbled onto a… conspiracy against us and against the Jedi. He was silenced," Rex explains. It goes without saying that Echo will be brought up to date on the situation with the Operation as soon as he's been stabilized. He deserves to know, to help them continue Fives' legacy.
Echo lets out a shaky breath, closing his eyes.
"I'm sorry," Anika whispers, moving closer. She desperately wants to touch his shoulder in reassurance, let him know that she's there for him, but she doesn't know how welcome it would be. She and Echo were… friends, but they weren't that close. It wasn't until after that she became closer with the clones.
"It's not your fault, General," he answers, his voice unsteady.
It is, she wants to say, but doesn't, you don't know how much. If – I could have –
It's not your fault, Fives whispers in her mind, and she swallows hard, meeting Rex's tormented eyes, seeing the same feelings of guilt and self-blame in him that she herself feels. It's easy to blame themselves, no matter how true it is that there's nothing they could have done. These things happen.
That doesn't mean it's easy for them to accept it.
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