AN: So, while I was rewatching the show, some of the episodes would spark little ficlets or missing scenes or whatever you want to call it – one-shots of various length, but none really long enough to post as a separate story, so I decided to put them all together in one. Each chapter will be a standalone fic focused on one particular episode, not really related to each other except for the fact that they all take place in my CSI 'verse ;) I'm posting in the order I wrote them, so they won't be in chronological order, but each chapter will be named after the episode in question, so I hope it's clear enough for anyone who's curious about the context!
Thanks to AM0616/unc-annie for the beta help!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything relating to CSI
Bite Me
The door closes behind her with a soft click, and Sara leans back against the cool wood for a moment.
She used to love coming home, the feeling of finally being in her own space after a long day or a tough case. Her own private escape from the too-bright lights and too-loud sounds of this artificial city, invading her senses at all hours of the day and night.
It's been weeks since she spent more than a few hours in her apartment, though, and now it just feels… empty.
She drops the take-out box and Styrofoam cup from Frank's on the counter before going into the bedroom and rummaging around for something more comfortable to wear. There's not much – most of her clothes have slowly migrated to Grissom's place over the last few months, and what's left is in the hamper, but she manages to find a pair of tattered basketball shorts and a tank top that are a big improvement over the jeans she wore to work. The hamper's overflowing, and she throws everything into the washer before returning to the kitchen and her breakfast.
The avocado toast feels like it grows in her mouth as she chews, and she only manages to swallow down a few bites before throwing the rest in the trash. She knows she should eat more, but one almost-missed breakfast isn't the end of the world. As she waits for the laundry to finish, she straightens up around the apartment, wipes away the layer of dust that has accumulated on all surfaces, and vacuums.
She moves the clean clothes to the dryer before going into the bedroom and pulling the blackout curtains closed over the window, where the morning sun is almost blinding. She knows she's not going to be able to sleep, but she still feels like she should at least try.
Of course, she's still awake forty-five minutes later, when her phone starts vibrating on the bedside table. Her heart rate picks up at the name on the display, like it always does, but she still hesitates before picking up. Maybe she should let him think she's asleep.
But she's always been weak when it comes to him, so she clicks to accept the call before it goes to voicemail. "Hello?"
"Where are you?"
Even with his earlier words echoing in her mind, the sound of his voice over the line has a calming effect. "Home," she says.
The line's quiet for a moment. "Why?" He sounds so bewildered; she almost blurts out an apology and promises she'll be over soon. But…
"I just thought you might want some space to… you know, breathe."
"Why would you think that?" he asks, as if it's completely out of left field.
"Come on, Gil, don't…"
"No," he interrupts her. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
He's starting to sound frustrated, which ignites the initial feelings of incredulity and hurt his words caused earlier. "I don't want to suffocate you," she snaps.
This time, the quality of his silence tells her he's putting the pieces together, and how can she even tell that over the phone?
"Sara, that wasn't…" He sighs, and she can almost see him pinching the bridge of his nose. "I was just making an observation about the case, it wasn't any kind of reference to you or our relationship, honey."
She wants to believe him, but years of putting herself out there with nothing to show for it but rejection after rejection makes it hard. This thing between them is still so new, she doesn't know how to trust it won't disappear like sand between her fingers if she pushes too hard, asks for too much, says the wrong thing. "Right."
Another sigh. "I'm sorry. I promise, I wasn't talking about you. You could never suffocate me. If anything, being with you, it's like being able to breathe freely for the first time in… so long. OK?"
She sniffs a little, blinking back a few tears. "OK." There's a knock on the door and she frowns. "Hang on, someone's at the door."
She checks the peephole, like she always does, and has to smile at the sight of him, a duffel bag slung over one shoulder, a brown paper bag in one hand and a drink carrier in the other.
"You were already outside?" she asks when she's opened the door, charmed in spite of herself, and he shrugs.
"You weren't at my place, so I figured you were probably here. And then I realized I should make sure, so I called when I left the bakery." He shifts the bag a little and rocks back on the balls of his feet. "Can I come in?"
The hesitation in his voice is the final nail in the coffin of her already weak resolve, and she steps aside to let him pass. He drops the duffel on the couch and puts the bag and drinks on the kitchen island before turning to face her.
"I really am sorry," he says when their eyes meet. "I had no idea you would take what I said personally, it really wasn't more than an observation of the case and… humanity in general. I guess I've seen what people claiming to love each other can do to one another too many times."
"So, if I said something like that, you wouldn't jump to conclusions?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.
He frowns. "OK, point taken. I just… that's so far from what we have, from how I feel when I'm with you, it didn't even cross my mind that you might think…" He trails off, offering a half-smile.
"You can't just… words mean something, they hurt, you…"
"I know," he cuts her off, taking a step closer and raising a hand, as if he wants to reach for her, but then he pulls back. "I know. I'm so sorry. May I…"
He's actually asking her permission to touch her, she realizes. Numbly, she nods, and he closes the distance between them, raising one hand to her face, his thumb grazing her cheek, the other coming to rest against her side, his palm warm against her skin even through the thin fabric.
"I'm not… very good at all of this," he says after a moment, letting out a dry chuckle. "I know I don't have to tell you that. I'm probably going to put my foot in my mouth again. Probably more than once. But if I do – when I do – I want you to tell me. Yell at me if you want, just… talk to me. Don't shut me out. Because I can promise I won't have any idea I'm pissing you off."
His self-deprecation tugs her mouth into a small smile. "OK."
"Can I stay?"
"Of course." The eagerness in her own voice makes her frown. "But you don't have to. We don't have to spend every minute together when we're not working."
His hand slides around to the small of her back and he pulls her closer, placing a soft but chaste kiss against her lips. "I know that. If you want some time alone, I can leave, but if you just think that's what I want, it's not. In fact, I…" He pauses, hesitates for a moment, but then continues, voice a little sheepish. "I can't sleep very well without you anymore."
The admission makes her feel warm all over, and she lets herself lean against him. "I don't need time alone," she mumbles into his shirt. "I always want you here, it's just… sometimes it scares me how much I…"
She trails off, knowing she doesn't have to explain, because they have the same fears. They're both independent, have prided themselves on not needing anyone else for so long, and actually turning two separate lives into a shared one… she knew from the beginning there were bound to be hurdles. She supposes it's a miracle it took this long to get to the first one.
"I know, me too," he whispers into her hair, and she relaxes as his arms wrap around her. Sliding her own arms around his waist, she nudges her nose against his throat and breathes him in for a second.
"What's in the bag?" she asks after a long moment.
"A change of clothes, so I don't have to go home before work."
She pulls back to be able to smirk at him. "I figured that out. I meant the food."
"Oh!" He lets her go to move over to the kitchen island, pulling out fresh bagels along with several small tubs of cream cheese, a Styrofoam box that he pops open to reveal scrambled eggs, two steaming cups and two with what looks like orange juice. "I knew you wouldn't have any food, or at least nothing edible, so I picked up breakfast. Hungry?"
In response, her stomach rumbles. "Actually, yeah. I grabbed an avocado toast at Frank's on the way home, but it wasn't very… appetizing in the end."
"Well, come on." He finds cutlery and pushes the scrambled eggs towards her. "I got your favorite."
The smile on her face is a response to the fact that he knows her favorite scrambled eggs as much as to the fact that he got them just for her, since she knows he doesn't like bell peppers.
"Thank you."
He just smiles at her, spreading veggie cream cheese on one of the cranberry bagels before handing it to her, and they eat in silence for a while. She surprises herself by finishing all of the scrambled eggs and a bagel and a half before pushing the second half away.
"Full?"
"Mmm, so full." She leans back, swallowing the last of her coffee.
"Good." He puts away the remaining food and throws away the trash before rounding the kitchen island and stopping behind her, wrapping his arms around her.
"Hey." She leans against him, hearing and feeling a deep breath leave his body.
"Hey." His mouth brushes against her temple and she lets her eyes slide closed. "You know I love you."
It's not the first time he's said it, but the words always make her tingle all over. "I know. I love you. I'm sorry I… overreacted."
He shakes his head. "No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have… you know I don't always have a filter when I'm working a scene."
It makes her laugh. "I do know that."
"Just promise you'll talk to me next time."
"I promise."
"Good. Bed?"
"Yes, please."
With his arm around her and the steady beat of his heart under her cheek, she's asleep within minutes.
