Disclaimer: I own nothing except my imagination.
Kim stood nervously in front of Adam, shuffling her feet together and trying to keep her eyes locked on his. The pain was clear in them and she couldn't fault him for having the doubts she could also see swirling in his chocolate brown orbs.
"I know that you're wondering why and I haven't been honest with you since we started dating, I guess." She had always refused to talk about anything emotional since Nathan and with Adam now in front of her she realized that she hadn't been fair to him.
"We aren't dating, those were your words remember."
"I do and I realize now that it was unfair to you. I've been hiding behind these walls that I've built thinking that your feelings would never be hurt but that's exactly what I've done." Adam watched as she sunk her top teeth in the corner of her bottom lip nervously.
"How do I know that you won't keep hiding behind those walls? I can see it in your eyes that something or someone hurt you in the past but I can't just be a good lay when you need to scratch an itch."
"That's not what you are Adam and you're right about the hurting part but I owe you the truth of what really happened and I realize that you don't owe me anything other than slamming this door in my face and never want to see me again and I would deserve every bit of it if you did." Her skin was humming with nerves as she waited for his decision.
"I want to be able to trust you Kim, with all my heart but what happened today at my pop's, I don't know if I can."
"I understand Adam." Her eyes were burning with unshed tears as she turned to leave knowing that she was the only person to blame for the position she was in right now.
"But I'm willing to listen." His fingers wrapped gently around her wrist to prevent her from walking away. "I don't want there to be lies between us Kim and if you're willing to trust me with this, now, I'm willing to listen and try to understand." He could see it in her eyes that there was pain so deeply rooted in her heart that fear was all that was left.
"We don't have to do this here if you don't want to." She shifted uncomfortably again.
"Here is good how about you come in?"
"Sure." Her steps were tentative, unsure.
"Do you want some coffee or maybe tea?"
"Pour me what you're having?" She could see his glass of bourbon from where she was standing.
"Sure, I'll be right back."
Kim stood nervously next to Adam's couch, fearful of sitting as her mind was flooded with memories of a particular night where they had both been increasingly drunk and horny and Adam had fucked her in every corner of that room where she had no doubt that the neighbours had heard them even if it had been the middle of the night.
"Here." She jumped at his intrusion into her thoughts. "It was a memorable night." He knew exactly what she was thinking about from the blush on her cheeks.
"I'm sorry." She accepted the glass that he gave her. "I didn't mean to." She watched him sit down before taking a long pull of her glass.
"Don't ever apologize for that Kim."
She nodded as he took a seat and took a mouthful of his own drink.
"I can't stop myself." She sat nervously next to him and emptied her glass.
"Good thing I brought the whole bottle." He chuckled and winked at her, trying to get her to relax some as he poured her another one.
"Yeah, I'm probably going to need that." She emptied her glass in one shot and he poured her another one. "I'm nervous I'm sorry." She babbled.
"You don't have to be nervous with me Kim." His use of her name like this only served to heighten her senses because she knew that every word he said he meant because that was the man Adam was. Honest and true.
"Can't help it. I've never trusted anyone else with this piece of me and even if you say that you'll listen and that you'll try to understand but I don't know if I deserve that from you."
"How about you just let me decide?" He had noticed the way she clung to the box she had in her hands and knew that whatever she was afraid to tell him was under the lid and he wanted her to be able to share it on her terms.
"Everything that I've refused to share with you is in here. It's the whole and only reason that I've never wanted anything serious." Her fingers were shaking as she slid it in front of him on his coffee table.
"It's going to be okay." He slid his hand over hers and gave it a squeeze to which she nodded.
Adam was filled with nerves as the box sat in front of him. It was filled with the answers to the questions he had been asking himself for months now and those answers suddenly scared him. Kim was sitting next to him with both hands wrapped around her glass of bourbon half full with equal nerves. He heard her inhale softly as he finally lifted the lid and placed it on the side. His fingers found the picture at the very top and found a grinning Kim with a blonde man's body wrapped tightly around hers with an equally wide and familiar smile. Placing it into the overturned lid, the next picture he found had him take a shaky breath in and his eyes found Kim's.
"His name was Nathan and we were high school sweethearts." He watched as she downed her glass again, watching the liquid run down her throat and burn lightly. He didn't say anything only read the caption behind the picture and the formal invitation.
Kimberly Burgess + Nathan Upton
Invite you to celebrate our marriage!
14 September 2019/ 3PM
The courtyard at Glessner House
1800 S. Prairie Ave.
Dinner and Dancing will follow
RSVP 14 September 2018
"Upton?"
"Hailey's older brother." Her eyes filled with tears again. "He was only a year older than us."
"Was?" He looked back inside the box and his fingers involuntarily started shaking as he picked up the next thing and, in that moment, he realized the worst thing and everything became intensely clearer. Someone hadn't hurt Kim but instead life had delivered the ultimate blow and had taken the love of her life away from her and taken her heart with it. "I'm sorry." He surprised even himself when the emotion caught in his throat. All the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place when he thought of Kim's close bond with Hailey that ran deeper than simply being partners inside the CPD to Hailey's words of wisdom when Kim had run out after he told her that he loved her. "I don't have enough words to tell you how sorry I am for pushing so hard, for trying to make you feel what you weren't ready to feel."
"You couldn't have known." Her eyes refused to look into his to see the pity she knew he felt. "I thought that if I pushed my feelings down enough that I wouldn't feel that crushing pain I still feel when I think of him." When her eyes finally met his, they were filled with tears that were threatening to fall but she rather than see pity she saw understanding in his.
"It's okay." He stopped a tear with his thumb as it slipped down her cheek Kim leaning against it with her eyes closed.
"I'm afraid I'll forget him." She was suddenly racked with tears and her body shook as Adam slid closer to catch her and wrap his arms around her body, allowing her to finally let some of her bottled up emotions out. They sat there for as long as Kim needed Adam simply being a steady force with the love he had for her. When her breathing suddenly started to steady, Adam shifted to be able to see her, cupping both cheeks with his hands, a soft smile on his lips.
"He'll always be in your heart Kim and yours is the biggest one I've ever seen and your love for him will always make you remember." He leaned in slowly and pressed his lips lightly against hers before pulling away to see her nod with tears falling from her eyes. "Tell me more about him?" She closed her eyes as another set of single tears fell as Adam caught them with his thumb. Taking a deep breath she opened them again, nodded and for the next hours, Adam pulled Kim between his legs on the couch, her back to his chest as she shared her memories from inside the box with him.
The box now laid on the coffee table with the lid closed once more and Adam was slowly running his fingers through Kim's hair in a soothing motion as they sat quietly in his living room.
"Adam?" The hum of his answer vibrated against her back. "About before." She trailed off.
"It doesn't matter Kim, I'll wait for you for as long as you need."
"That's not exactly fair."
"Life if a lot of things Kim, fair isn't one of them." He kissed the top of her head. "My feelings won't change, if anything they are stronger than they were earlier today but I'll wait for as long as it takes because you're worth doing it. All I'm asking is one little thing." He smiled easily while she couldn't see him.
"What?"
"Go on a date with me." Her laugh was spontaneous and light.
"We've been on plenty dates Adam." She wiggled out of his arms to face him.
"Not proper dates. Let me take you out to dinner, there's this place close to the North Side that I love. Have you ever heard of Shaw's Crab House?"
"I've always wanted to go there but never had the time I guess."
"How about I take you there the next time we're both off?"
"Off. I'm not sure I know what that means."
"A busy FTO like you, I could only be so lucky to get some time with you." He smiled. She was in demand in the 21st and she was always the one Platt sent with new hotheaded officers.
"Look who's talking hot shot detective from Intelligence. Voight keeps you guys super busy all the time." She rolled her eyes playfully.
"We'll figure something out." He pushed a strand of hair fallen in her eyes and rubbed his thumb against her cheek. "So it's a yes?"
"Yes." She chuckled as she pushed herself higher against him. "I think I should maybe go."
"You don't have to." He asked hopefully. "Stay a little bit longer." Having her in his arms felt different now that the dark cloud hanging over Kim's heart had lifted, even if it was just a little bit. He could feel her different, lighter and he didn't want to let go of that just yet.
"Just a bit." She agreed with a smile. She turned around and settled herself into him as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, keeping her close to his chest with her cheek lying against it. They stayed like that, legs intertwined and chest against chest until Adam realized that she has fallen asleep against him. Not wanting to wake her he pulled the throw hanging on his couch and laid it over them as he kissed the top of her head.
"I love you." It was barely a whisper, a sigh really but Adam decided that he would no longer deny himself those feelings in the dark using his patience with Kim until she was ready to return that love. He closed his eyes and dreamed of a time where that would come true.
