On we go...

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Chapter 5:

Talking to Spike on the phone again, Buffy let him know that she would be staying in Los Angeles for a few days and then return together with Angel because he wanted to meet him.

Spike seemed a bit wary of Angel's intentions but he agreed, trusting Buffy's judgment of his mental state.

By the end of the week Fred had finally done all the tests she could think of, deeming Angel to be fit and healthy enough to travel around, so he and Buffy jumped into her car to drive up to San Francisco. Angel was quiet on the way. Learning that his team didn't really exist anymore pulled another rug from beneath his feet and he confessed to Buffy that he felt like he was floating in thin air, not knowing where to land. Not knowing where he should go from here.

She promised to be there for him and that he was welcome to stay for as long as he needed. She also told him about Faith and that she was the one watching over him all these years, so he definitely had a confidant in her, too. That seemed to comfort him a bit.

Traveling through the sunny midday, with Angel in the backseat of Buffy's newspaper-covered car, they arrived at her home by nightfall. "Do you mind waiting here for a moment?" Buffy asked Angel as they got out of the car. "It's just that… Will knows that you're coming but I want to prepare him a bit more. He's very sensitive for everything supernatural."

"Of course." Angel agreed readily. "You'll have to invite me in anyway."

"Thanks." said Buffy, squeezing his hand with a quick smile before walking up the steps to the front door. She turned the key and opened the door carefully, taking a quick look around inside. "Hey, I'm back." she said and Spike immediately appeared from the kitchen area.

"Hi, just wanted to call you again." he said and pulled her in for a quick kiss and a hug. The two of them were just so visible in the doorway for Angel who patiently waited down on the driveway. "You driving makes me nervous."

Buffy chuckled, elbowing his ribs. "Is Will still awake?"

"Told him to play in his room until you come and get him." Spike emphasized, using their code for potential danger. They nodded at each other and then simultaneously turned around to Angel, who jerked into motion, coming closer towards them.

Because her hand rested against his stomach, Buffy felt how Spike took a deep breath and she saw Angel doing the same. They took in each other's scent. Testing how feral the monster in them was. Spike had an arm around her, but since he wasn't tensing up and Angel wasn't turning away again they must be satisfied that there was no imminent danger.

Angel made it to their doorstep, hands in the pockets of his jeans, looking somewhat like a schoolboy as he was obviously avoiding to notice their linked arms. "Spike." he said as civilly as he could muster.

"Angel." Spike nodded in greeting and stepped aside.

"Come in." added Buffy.

Something shifted in the air as the invisible barrier lowered and allowed the vampire to enter their home. Spike and Buffy watched as Angel took his first glance around, slowly clocking all those little things that suggested that there was indeed a child living here.

Little shoes at the door, a few toy cars and books by the coffee table and some family pictures on the mantelpiece.

"Do you want a pint of red?" Spike asked after a while. "I went and bought some types you like. We have a guy here, selling blood to vamps who behave." he explained.

Angel turned his wandering gaze towards Spike and stayed there. Really looking at him for the first time. "Yeah," he said a little delayed. "Alright."

Buffy untangled from Spike as he moved to go to the kitchen again. "I guess you two must have a lot to talk about. I'll check on Will, leave you to it." she said to Spike, who nodded. Before she disappeared down the hallway, she turned around again, fixing both vampires with a stern glare. "No fighting, boys, you hear me! I don't want to have to explain your twisted relationship to Will."

"No fighting." repeated Angel reassuringly.

"We'll be good." added Spike with a grin.

Buffy nodded with another warning glance and then turned to look in on her son.

Angel shifted closer to lean against the kitchen island, watching Spike pour two glasses of dark-red blood. Nothing has changed from his point of view. Spike was a vampire. Like he always was. They were drinking blood together, like they always did. Just not straight from the vein, but from tame tall glasses that were surely reserved to hold only this type of liquid. It was nothing new.

But then Angel only had to tear his eyes away from the blood and into Spike's face and he saw all the changes. The hair being the most prominent one.

Oh, how he had made fun of his peroxide helmet all their unlives. Now with the slight curls of hazel-brown he looked young and old at the same time. Young, because that was the Spike he knew so long ago, before he embraced the monster within him. But old, because Angel could see some wrinkles on his face that the older vampire would never have. Just slight ones on his forehead and little crinkles around his eyes from smiling. From leading a happy life. Proof that he used to be truly alive for the last ten years so the wrinkles could develop. Proof that Spike was human while Angel way lying in a bed in Los Angeles, frozen in time.

"You alright, mate?"

Spike ripped him from his thoughts and Angel blinked, accepting the glass that Spike was holding out for him. "Yeah." he hurried to say and quickly took a big, calming gulp.

"It's alright. You can keep staring." Spike told him unworried. "I still do it, too. Each morning in the mirror." He snorted, shaking his head to himself. "I haven't had a reflection for so long, I forgot what color my eyes were."

They drank in silence for a moment. Angel continued to steal long glances at his former ally while Spike politely acted like he wasn't noticing.

"Did you miss it?" Angel finally asked.

"Being human? Yeah, I did. So much more than I thought I would." said Spike, but Angel shook his head.

"No, being a vampire." he declared. "Now, that you're back… did you miss any part of it?"

Spike thought about this for a beat before he answered. "I haven't been back with the undead for long but... I missed the certainty that I could look out for Buffy in ways I couldn't as a human. We were the perfect team… still are, but while I was mortal and there was an attack, I got knocked around a lot more. Didn't stop me from fighting." He chuckled. "She gets pretty angry when I get hurt, but I bloody well can't let her get out there on her own all the time."

"Right." Angel nodded with approval. "Good to know that you're looking out for her."

"Of course I do." Spike sneered. "I love her, believe it or not. We're looking out for each other."

"I believe you." said Angel firmly, gazing up at him, unblinking. And after a pause he added, "I know for the longest time I thought you didn't even know or care what love is. I still didn't think you did when I first woke up, but… it's been ten years… obviously… and you're still with her. You've been a vampire and you've been human with her and… what I realized is that you're really the one understanding love better than I do." He paused again, taking a breath full of regret. "You made it work."

Spike stared at Angel as he finished his speech. "Bloody hell." he muttered. "I can't believe this finally made it through your thick skull." Angel glared at him disapprovingly and Spike grinned. "Ta', mate." he said then, clapping Angel's shoulder in a friendly manner. "I do appreciate you saying this."

They finished their pints of blood and Spike rinsed out the glasses in the sink. "So, we're good then?" Angel wanted to know. "Even though I'm the reason you're back with the undead?"

"We're good." Spike nodded. "I can't blame you for this sodding Shanshu nonsense. Can't even pick the right vampire for their prophecy."

"You deserved it." said Angel. "You were right about that all along. You fought for your soul."

"Yeah, but you wanted it more." argued Spike. "I didn't ask for this. Don't get me wrong," he said, lifting his hands. "I loved being human, I loved living and, being perfectly honest, I want nothing more than to be human again, but… this was supposed to be your destiny. I was fine with my fate. I knew I deserve nothing more than to live by her side for a time and even that was asking for bloody much. But you wanted this for so much longer."

"Maybe that was the problem. I wanted it too much." considered Angel. "How are you coping with being a vampire again?"

Spike shrugged, purposefully nonchalant. "S'alright. I know nothing has changed between Buffy and me. I'm more worried about Will."

"Your son." Angel had to vocalize this fact again and Spike couldn't hold back the warm smile that spread over his face.

"Yeah." he said. "Will said he isn't scared, but he hasn't seen me with my vamp face on yet."

"Buffy couldn't stop talking about him on the way here." Angel remarked softly. "She seemed so proud. Such a natural mother."

"She is." smiled Spike lovingly. "And Will is just the best kid. He knows that all this scary stuff is real, but he is brave and intelligent and… and just kind." Spike swallowed, dispelling his emotions with a humorless laugh. "Never thought someone like him could come from me. Didn't think bloody anything could ever come from me."

"Oh, I've seen a picture." Angel said with a smirk. "Seems all he's got from you is your looks, the rest is clearly Buffy's doing."

It was silent for the second it took Spike to decide if he should be offended, but then the vampires both laughed out loud. It didn't go unnoticed by the other inhabitants of the house.

A door suddenly opened down the hallway and Will excitedly sprinted into the living room where he froze on the spot once he laid eyes on Angel.

"Daddy—"

"Hey, pal, shouldn't you stay with-" Spike started and got interrupted by Buffy who came after their son.

"Will, I told you to wait for me." Buffy walked up to stand behind Will, whose eyes had widened with terror. She laid a hand upon his shoulder, leaning down to him. "What's wrong, baby?"

Will's eyes shifted from Angel to Spike. "Daddy," he whispered breathlessly. "His shadow is black."

"My what?" Angel wanted to know quietly. He didn't dare moving at all, sensing that the kid was obviously scared of him.

"Your shadow." Spike explained. "Didn't Buffy tell you? Will can… see auras of some kind. 'Shadows' is how he describes it. Apparently, all supernaturals have one; the good ones usually white or brightly colored," He smiled absently for a second. "Buffy's always glowing in his eyes. But, uh, the darker the shadow, uhm…" he trailed off, realizing what he was saying.

"The more dangerous." ended Angel matter-of-factly.

Buffy stroked her son's arms reassuringly. "It's okay, Will. Angel's one of the good guys, I promise."

"B-But," Will stuttered, looking with uncertainty into his mother's eyes. "You said if I see black I should run away."

"I know…" murmured Buffy, struggling for a way to explain. Looking for help, she glanced at Spike.

"Hey, come here, cub." said Spike, bending down a little and stretching his arms in Will's direction. Quickly, and without looking at Angel again, Will ran over and let himself be picked up by his dad. "Right. Here we go." mumbled Spike, easily adjusting him on his arm. Will was keeping his head down, too scared to look up. "Y'know, it's absolutely right what your mum said; you should always hide when you see the shadow's dark. You said my shadow is red now. Dark-red. Right?"

Will nodded timidly and Spike gently lifted his head with two fingers under his chin. "But you also said my shadow is weak. Smaller than you normally see them." Another timid nod. "And how is it with our friend? Is it bigger or small like mine? You can tell us honestly, Will, we won't be mad at you."

From the safe arms of his father, Will sheepishly dared to take another fleeting glance at Angel, who tried his best to look innocent. Then Will looked back at Spike. "It's very dark, Daddy, but it's weak. Like yours."

"Right." Spike smiled, ruffling through Will's hair. "Good job. Now, listen, he's really alright. He's got a soul, like me, okay? He actually has his longer than me. Remember the books?"

"Yeah." Will nodded, getting a bit more confident as Spike reminded him of the earliest of his stories.

"Are you okay to get back down?" The boy nodded and Spike put him to the ground again, cradling his head tenderly against his stomach as Will now looked up at Angel with interest. "Go on," said Spike. "You can say hello if you want."

Will shuffled his feet for a bit before taking a breath of confidence and going over to Angel. "Hello." he said, looking up with blue eyes behind his shaggy hazel-colored hair. "I'm Will."

Angel smiled, bending down to his height. "Hi, Will, I'm Angel. I already heard so much about you."

"Mommy and Daddy told me about you, too." said Will.

"Did they?"

"Yeah, they said you're not evil anymore. You helped fight the monsters and you loved Mommy before."

"Uh…" Angel muttered embarrassed. "Wow, they really have told you much, haven't they?" He glanced towards Spike and Buffy but before they could explain, Will had already continued.

"No, I know that from Daddy's books."

"Which books?" asked Angel.

"Oh, I can show you!" Will exclaimed with a spark in his eyes before dashing away to his room to fetch said books. He returned soon with the first few that featured Angel and the family relocated to the sofa, listening to Will excitedly retelling Buffy's whole Slayer story, that he knew by heart, to a stunned Angel. At least the bits Spike managed to rewrite and retell for children. But they were true nonetheless.

They also talked about Willow, Xander and Giles, the original Scoobies, and about Dawn. Will had lost his fear and sat beside Angel while animatedly turning pages and showing him the pictures in his favorite adventure books.

"Oh, great, look at me here." mocked Angel, pointing to a page. "Why am I not surprised you made me look like a square-headed idiot?"

"I've got nothing to do with the drawings." Spike defended himself with a grin. "They come from a nice lady at the publishing company… who penciled after my descriptions."

"Ha! So it is your fault I look like that." Angel remarked.

"That's just how you look, mate. Your hair goes straight up and you've got a massive forehead. How is that my fault?"

Buffy, who sat next to Spike with her feet curled up, chuckled in amusement but didn't barge into their little squabble. Angel had relaxed around them and wasn't constantly giving them those long looks of jealousy mixed with sadness. Even now that Spike had an arm around her and squeezed her to him, Angel was completely focused on Spike alone and the arguments he made.

As they went on to the more recent volumes of the Slayer adventure series that had more of the ensouled Spike, or William the Bloody as he continued to call his character, in them, Will suddenly went quiet and turned to Angel with a serious look on his face. "Can I ask you something?" he said.

Angel exchanged a quick glance with Buffy and Spike, sensing a big question of the existential kind coming up, but they seemed as clueless about Will's intention as he was. "Of course you can." he then assured the kid with a smile.

Will chewed on his bottom lip, thinking on how to phrase his question, but then he came out with it and there was no stopping him. "Mommy said that you were asleep for a very long time and that's why Daddy could be human because there was supposed to be only one vampire with a soul. So when you woke up again, Daddy turned back into a vampire. But… he's sad now and he can't play outside with me anymore, so…"

"Uhm, Will-" Spike tried to interrupt while Buffy jerked to sit up straight, but it was too late.

"Can you go back to sleep again soon so Daddy can play with me?"

"William!" Buffy exclaimed and Will instantly shrunk in his seat. He was only addressed by his full name when he really screwed something up. With wide eyes he looked at his parents while Angel's face fell, unable to hold on to his carefully built wall of steady emotions.

"W-What?" stuttered Will.

"It's okay, he didn't mean it like that." Angel said simultaneously.

"It's not okay!" argued Buffy with real anger. "Will, listen to me, you can't say something like that to anyone! Angel wasn't just asleep; he couldn't wake up when he wanted to. This was done to him, like… like a sickness." she explained seriously. "You can't just wish him back to this, no matter how much you want someone else back! Do you understand?"

Eyes still widened and watery, Will nodded firmly. His jaw pressed together so he wouldn't cry.

"Will, you know I love you all the same, right? I'm still your dad and I always will be." Spike reminded him a little more carefully.

"I know." whispered Will, nodding again quickly.

"I think you should apologize to Angel now." Spike added sternly.

Will sheepishly glanced up at Angel, guilty and embarrassed that he was told off in front of him. "I'm sorry." he mumbled quickly.

"It's alright, kid." Angel said softly.

Buffy sighed, calming down. "I'm sorry, too, Will. I didn't mean to yell. I should've explained it all better. It's not your fault."

"I'm sorry, Mommy." Will mumbled anyway.

"It's okay, baby. It's alright. Come here." Will scrambled from his place next to Angel and into Buffy's outstretched arms. She hugged him tight before letting go again and brushing the hair from his forehead. "Why don't you go and get ready for bed now. It's late anyway. I'll come check on you and we can talk again, alright?"

"Okay." said Will lowly.

"Tell Angel good night, cub." said Spike.

"Night, Angel." Will muttered quickly, before letting Buffy steer him back to his room with a gentle push.

"Good night, Will." said Angel a little delayed again, lost in thoughts.

Will stopped once more, turning back to Spike. "Will you still be awake when I wake up, Daddy?"

"'Course, cub." Spike smile tenderly. "We'll always see each other in the morning. No matter what. Go on. I'll check on you, too, before you fall asleep. Promise." Will nodded and walked on. Spike exchanged a look with Buffy who followed her son and she mouthed an apology towards Angel, which he took with an unconcerned shake of his head.

"Sorry about that." Spike said to Angel once Buffy and Will were out of earshot.

"It's alright." Angel mumbled again, not looking Spike in the eyes. "He didn't really know what he was talking about. He's a good kid."

"Yeah… he is."

"You and Buffy did good."

"Thanks." said Spike earnestly. He couldn't help but feel a little proud for finally getting some real praise from the person he once considered to be a mentor.

Angel's gaze wandered through the room once more, seemingly just so he didn't have to show Spike the pain in his eyes. "You've built a good life for yourself."

Spike tilted his head, sighing inwardly as he recognized Angel's true feelings. "Yeah, thanks to you. Look, I'm sorry for how all of this-"

"It's fine, Spike." Angel interrupted, finally facing him. "This is how it should be. You made the best out of being alive. I would've done the same… if Buffy would've still wanted me." he added quietly.

Spike leaned forward on the couch across from Angel. "I think she still loves you, you know…"

"Maybe. But not like she loves you." confessed Angel. "She never loved me like she loves you."

The vampires remained in a moment of thoughtful silence. Then Spike nodded. "Would you like me to show you the basement?" Angel furrowed his brows. "If you still want to stay, I mean, that's where you could sleep. The house isn't quite vampire friendly yet, except for the bedroom, so…" he trailed off. "It's nice down there. It has a comfy bed."

Spike stood and walked towards a door, unlocked it with a key from his pocket and Angel followed him down the stairs that lay behind it. The basement was done up to service as a nice living space. There was a desk and chair, lamps, rugs and a single bed. Weapons and wooden stakes hung against one wall, which was probably the reason for the lock on the door.

"I use it sometimes when I'm writing." said Spike. "Bit of peace and quiet."

"It's nice." nodded Angel.

Spike fumbled with his key chain, loosened the one for the basement and gave it to Angel. "Here, you can have mine for as long as you stay. Always lock up behind you. Even when you're in. Will is too bloody curious for his own good sometimes and we don't want an accident with a crossbow."

"No. Of course not." said Angel, pocketing the key. "Thanks. I'll be fine. I won't bother you any longer."

Spike watched him pensively, gauging his mood. "Right." he said. "If you want to you could come out on patrol with me tonight. I think Buffy will stay in with Will this time, so it's my turn. Fighting is so much more fun when you're a vamp."

"I don't know." Angel pondered.

"Come on, it'll be like old times. Just that we'll fight the monsters instead of hunting innocents." suggested Spike with a wolfish grin. "Tell you what, I'll go and check on Will. Have to talk to him again about all of this. But if you meet me upstairs in about an hour, you can come with me."

Angel shrugged, a look of longing in his eyes. "Well, I guess, it's been a while for both of us since we last had a good prowl."

Spike grinned. "That's what I wanted to hear, mate."


A bit later, Spike sneaked into the master bedroom, crawling onto the bed and encircling Buffy, who was already under the covers, tightly in his arms. She snuggled her back closer to his chest and he kissed the side of her head, sighing deeply.

"Will's asleep?" she asked tiredly.

"Yeah. Took a while, but he's out like a light now. He was worried that you're still upset with him."

"Oh, god." Buffy groaned. "I'm a horrible mother."

"Bollocks, of course you're not." argued Spike and soothed her with another kiss.

"I told him about the connection between you and Angel. About the prophecy. I shouldn't have done that and I shouldn't have yelled."

"You had to explain it somehow." said Spike. "I wouldn't have known what else to say, either. And I was upset with him, too, for saying those things to Angel. You were right to tell him off." Spike stroked his cool fingers softly along her bare arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake. "But he knows that you love him and that you're not mad at him anymore."

"Thanks." she mumbled, turning around to wrap her arms around his waist and be able to look into his eyes. "And what about our house guest? Is Angel ready to get the hell away from us?"

Spike smiled in jest. "Nah, sadly not yet. I think I talked him down, though… from wherever his mind went. He's making himself comfortable in the basement now."

Buffy nuzzled her head closer to Spike's chest and sighed contently. "Oh… what would I be without you?"

"Unsatisfied." Spike purred close to her ear and Buffy shook with quiet laughter.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" she asked then. "Angel, I mean."

"Sure, pet. He's been around for a while, I think he had to deal with worse than an eight-year-old telling him he wished he was dead."

Buffy poked his ribs hard. "Don't talk like that."

"Sorry." murmured Spike. "Actually, I thought about taking Captain Forehead out on patrol tonight. Taking the edge off. Blowing off steam, you know?"

"A boy's night out." concluded Buffy. "Yeah… maybe that'll be good for him. And also you wouldn't go out patrolling alone for the first time in ten years."

"Hey, I got along fine on my own before, you were just always too worried."

"I don't want anything happen to you. Is that so bad?"

He tilted her face up to gave her mouth a soft, long kiss. "Not at all, pet. But you don't have to worry anymore. I'll take care of Angel and his moody blues. Trust me, when we get back he'll be back to his old self again. Broody with a little less gloom." promised Spike.


In case you wonder why I'm so civil towards Angel, that's just my way of fixing a character I really don't like, haha! :)