Chapter 13. All This Time

Wakanda

He heard the giggling before he opened his eyes. It was bad enough they didn't respect the privacy of his home but to wake him up early as well on his rest day was irritating at best. He opened his eyes and they scattered, running out of his hut while calling him White Wolf. He sat up and heard Shuri's voice outside gently chastising the three boys. Quietly he rose from the bed and smoothed the red robe he was wearing before bending his head to exit the hut. He looked around and felt the peacefulness of the village before he approached Shuri. She greeted him cheerfully, calling him Sergeant Barnes. He insisted she call him Bucky and she bowed her head in acknowledgement. When she asked him how he was feeling he replied that he felt good, then he fixed his gaze intently on her.

"Thank you for everything you've done for me," he said quietly.

She smiled then told him they still had much to learn. He gazed at the serenity of the lake near his hut for a moment then turned away from it and followed her. In the five and a half months he had been there he had worked as a goat farmer, learned to make goat cheese, had helped with the harvesting of crops, all while still having sessions with Shuri on modern history and technology. In many ways it had been a surreal existence, balancing the old ways of living with the realities of modern society. But it had been peaceful and calm. The villagers accepted him and every once in a while he would play with the children, especially when they brought a soccer ball out, as he didn't need both of his arms for that. They went to a modern structure in the heart of the village where a computer terminal was set up. Bucky sat before it, with Shuri at his side.

"Before we start I have a question," he said calmly. "How exactly did you undo the HYDRA programming? Unlike the other treatments I have no memories of you trying anything. Which means either you took a big chance and did it in one try or you tried it on someone else first. Which was it?"

"Neither, really, Sergeant Barnes," replied the young woman. "If you must know I recreated your brain in a digital format. I copied every aspect of it and created a holographic version of it. Then I created an algorithm to feed into your recreated brain that would remove the trigger words and render them incapable of affecting you. I would enter the calculations and then enter the trigger words and see what the digital copy of your brain did in response. I wanted to remove the effect of the words but not remove the core of your own personality, the good man that was still in you, the protector."

"How many times did you have to adjust the algorithm to achieve success?" he asked. "As brilliant as you are I can't believe it worked the first time."

"It didn't," she admitted. "It took many tries." She hesitated for a moment wondering if she should tell him then remembered her promise to be truthful to him. "There were 387 attempts over the 4 months, 2 weeks and 6 days you stayed in full cryostasis. We were close several times and almost decided to apply the algorithm to your brain but not all problems were evident at first. Some problems took days to become known and we had to start from the beginning again."

"So the final treatment on me, on my brain, was a one shot attempt," he stated. "Even though you tested it on the holographic version of my brain you didn't really know for sure it would work on the real brain, the physical one."

He looked steadily at her, with no judgement or emotion evident on his handsome face. "I wouldn't have tried it if I wasn't 100% sure it would work," she replied confidently. "There were no short cuts taken, no long shot theories; everything was tested and retested multiple times before we were confident that it would work. May I ask why you are asking this now, and not five and a half months ago when you came out of cryostasis for the last time?"

"I didn't think of it then," smiled Bucky. "But here, in this village, I have more time and inclination to think and reflect. Remembering what I do of the scientific process it struck me that you needed a way to test your treatment without the possibility of damaging this broken white boy any further."

Shuri grimaced and coloured slightly. "I apologize for using that term," she said. "It was flippantly said as I was attempting to save the life of another American when you were here."

"But I was a broken white boy," insisted Bucky. "Did you know Lacey's first book was called Confessions of a Broken White Girl? It seemed fitting that you thought I was broken. I felt like Humpty Dumpty when I first came here, unsure if all the King's horses and all the King's men could ever put me back together again."

"It was a challenge," stated Shuri. "Never had I or any of our scientists faced such a task before. Which made it all the more imperative that we get it right. The stakes of your recovery are high, Sergeant Barnes."

"How so?" he asked, puzzled.

"What do you know of child soldiers?" she asked. "You may have come across the term in your studies."

"Children kidnapped, drugged and forced to be foot soldiers in a conflict," he replied. "You mean they are brainwashed?"

"Not in the same way as you but yes," she said. "Treated with violence and cruelty then injected with all manner of drugs they learn only to kill and abuse others. For many, when they are finally rescued they remember nothing else and struggle to return to a normal life, even if they are reunited with family. It was hoped that what we developed to treat you could be used to treat them; to remove the violent memories and restore the good memories they had before they were kidnapped. So far, the results have been promising."

Bucky let out a long slow breath and looked at Shuri. "So what you are learning about me is helping children?" he asked.

"Most definitely," she said firmly. "Is there anything else you would like to ask me or discuss?"

"What about the nightmares?" he asked. "I still have them."

"Yes, I know," she replied sadly. "Unfortunately there was little we could do to mitigate all of them. They originate mostly in the amygdala and are connected to PTSD, which you do suffer from. I personally suspect it is your own conscience that generates the nightmares as you still haven't forgiven yourself for what the Winter Soldier did. Even though Bucky Barnes was helpless to stop the soldier you still feel guilt for his actions."

He looked away for a moment considering her words then nodded and turned to the computer. "What am I learning about today?" he asked.

"American history, from 2000 to the present year," she said. "Shall we begin?"

She sat with him directing him to online resources on 21st century history. As he looked at the various entries he remembered some of them from the perspective of the Winter Soldier, for he had been the Fist of HYDRA, shaping history to their benefit. It distressed him at times, especially when there was a loss of life involved but before he could return to normal life he needed to know what had happened in the world. After several hours of it Shuri touched his arm.

"I think that is enough for today, Sergeant Barnes," she said. "Perhaps it is time for you to do something more enjoyable, like call Miss Williams and your son. It has been several days since you last spoke with them. Is everything alright?"

"Yes ... and no," he said, frowning slightly. "I've had an increasing fear that we will never be able to see each other. We both talk about it when we are together and look forward to it but there is a sense of inevitability that seems to foreshadow that it will never come to pass. It troubles me and I'm having a hard time keeping positive on the calls."

"How long have you felt this way?" asked Shuri, concerned.

"I first noticed it a couple of weeks ago and it keeps getting stronger and stronger," he answered. "You don't think the treatment has stopped working, do you? I'm not regressing?"

"I don't think so," she said. "Are your nightmares related to it?"

"They're my usual HYDRA nightmares," he replied. "Nothing out of the ordinary. When I'm working here I don't feel it. It's usually when I talk to Lacey."

"Would you object to me observing a video call with Miss Williams?" asked Shuri. "I will have a kimoyo bead monitoring your brain activity to see if it shows up."

He nodded his assent and they went back to his hut to retrieve the tablet. He sat on the bench outside and Shuri activated one of her kimoyo beads to monitor Bucky while he made the call. Lacey answered quickly and she smiled.

"Hi, Bucky," she said warmly. "It's been a few days. Everything okay?"

"Just been really busy," he replied. "I have a few new baby goats that are taking up my time. I've been studying more with Shuri. How are you and Tommy?"

She called to Tommy and while she waited she smiled. "Really good," she said. "I've started on my third book ... the writing part finally."

Tommy's face appeared in the screen. "Hi Dad!" he said. "Guess what? I lifted a straw bale today."

"The whole bale?" asked Bucky.

"No, just one end of it," explained Lacey. "Only about six inches and he put it down right away. Clint got straw bales in today and Tommy thought he would help. As soon as Clint saw him he told him to drop it."

Bucky shifted, unsettled by this development. "Tommy, have you been lifting other heavy things?" he asked, frowning slightly.

He looked at his mother and she tilted her head. "Yeah," admitted the boy. "I picked a dead tree up and I rolled some big rocks."

"That's too dangerous," replied Bucky. "Lacey, you need to watch him better."

"Excuse me?" asked Lacey. "I'm watching him all the time but he's almost three and there are times when I have to do other things. He hasn't tried to do anything overtly dangerous."

Bucky gave out a sharp breath. "All it takes is one slip and he could be trapped," snapped Bucky. "Then who would get him out of trouble? You?"

"Yeah, me," replied Lacey, her voice rising. "I'm the parent who's raising him! My whole life is watching over him, keeping him safe. You're sitting in the cheap seats and telling me how to raise my son?"

Bucky was stunned and his face became red. "You're right," he said angrily. "I'm not there. I'm aware of that every moment that I'm here and you're there. It eats me up inside that I haven't been there for you and Tommy. All I've been is the sperm donor and that doesn't give me much right to criticize does it? I'll make it easy for you. You won't have to put up with me interfering any more. Goodbye."

He broke the connection, dropped the tablet, looked at Shuri then ran. "Sergeant Barnes ... Bucky," she called but he was already gone into the distance.

Sitting back Shuri looked at her kimoyo bead that had been monitoring Bucky's functions. There was something going on and it had affected him emotionally to the point where he turned away from Lacey and Tommy. She brought up Lacey on her communication bead and saw she was crying.

"Shuri, what's wrong with Bucky?" asked Lacey. "We just had a fight over the video call and I think he just broke up with me."

"I was here, monitoring him," admitted Shuri. "He told me he has been troubled by fears that your relationship will never go past these video calls. After the call he ran away. Whatever it is, it's real and it has affected him emotionally."

"It's not a failure of the treatment, is it?" she asked.

"No, there was no indication of that," replied Shuri. "Let me do some more investigating on this end and I will contact you when I find out something. It will be okay."

Shuri ended the call and then brought up monitoring software asking it where Sergeant Barnes was. It reported that he was approximately five miles away and was stationary at the moment. She debated about whether to take a flyer to him or to wait and chose to wait, spending the time analyzing the readings she had taken. An hour later she saw him approaching from a pathway and stood up. He hesitated briefly then kept walking towards her.

"I thought you would be gone," he said quietly. "I messed that up, didn't I?"

"She was crying when I spoke to her after," said Shuri. "Was it your intention to end the relationship?"

"No, but she's probably better off without me," he answered. "What good have I been if I can't be with her?"

"You believe that, don't you?" asked Shuri. "You truly believe that you will never see her in person again. Never know your son or be there for him." She looked intently at him then brought up the data of his video call. "This fear that you feel is coming from the same place as your nightmares but it is deeper than I believed. It's almost as if you are reacting to stimuli that isn't there, at least not there in a measurable sense."

"So, I'm imagining it," he stated.

"No, I don't think you are," replied Shuri. "Your senses were greatly increased by the super soldier treatment that you underwent. Not just the physical senses but your intuitive ones as well. They are so sensitive that they register that something will happen well before it does. I think you're experiencing premonitions of a coming event but just the feeling of it, not the event itself."

"Something that will keep me from Lacey and Tommy?" he asked. "Only death will do that. Do you think I've been experiencing premonitions of my death, my actual death?"

Shuri took a deep breath and spread her hands in surrender. "I don't know," she replied. "Perhaps if you think on it with this perspective you may find some answers. Whatever it is, it has caused you to fear it."

She took her leave of him and he watched her walk away for some time before he picked up the tablet and entered his hut. He considered calling Lacey back but decided against it, wanting to wrestle with and control the fear first. The following day Lacey called him. After the third pulse of the incoming video call he answered it and felt ashamed when he saw the misery on her face.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"What's going on?" she asked. "Something has you on edge. That wasn't you that was speaking to me that way."

"I've been experiencing an impending sense of doom," said Bucky. "I don't know how else to explain it. Shuri thinks my intuitive senses are on high alert from something that hasn't happened yet. Whatever it is it's made me afraid, mostly that I'll never be with you and Tommy."

"Can it be treated? I still believe we'll be together someday, for what it's worth."

He smiled slightly. "It's something I have to work out on my own," he replied. "It means a lot that you still want me, especially after what I said yesterday. Don't give up on me, please."

"Never," said Lacey. "You're stuck with me. I love you, Bucky."

"I love you, too," he smiled. "Give Tommy a hug for me. Tell him I love him."

"I will," said Lacey.

They spoke of other things for several more minutes then ended the conversation. Bucky slept better that night and on the following morning he got up with a purpose. There were bags of animal feed that were arriving at the goat paddock. He would load them onto the cart for transport to the village. He put his singlet on, then one of his work shirts, buttoning it up with his right hand. Pulling on his work pants he tucked his shirt in then zipped his pants up. Then he covered his shoulder unit up with the shawl. He ate some breakfast then made the mile walk to the paddock. A couple of the village boys were already there and as he began loading the feed onto the cart they asked him questions. He answered them as best he could while he tossed the bags into the cart with his one arm.

"Ukumkani," said one of them, jumping down from the tree where he had been perched.

Bucky looked in the direction the boy pointed and saw King T'Challa, General Okoye and two of the King's Guard, one of them carrying a case. He watched as they approached him and the man with the case put it on top of the feed bags on the cart, opened it and stepped back. Bucky approached it and saw a prosthetic arm, gunmetal black with a gold design on it. T'Challa watched, his demeanour apologetic and Bucky knew that he was being asked to defend Wakanda. When he asked where the fight was the King said it was on it's way. Bucky nodded and pulled the shawl off exposing the shoulder insert. T'Challa picked up the arm, approached him, and Bucky watched as the socket portion of the insert opened in readiness for the attachment of the arm. It clasped on firmly and instantly he could feel it's presence. Looking at the hand he flexed it open then closed it into a fist. He looked at the King impassively.

"Let's go," he said and began walking away from the paddock.

"Is there anything you need from your hut?" asked T'Challa.

At first he was going to say no then he hesitated. "My tablet," he replied. "My clothes, although they aren't suitable for fighting."

"We have a uniform for you," said T'Challa. "Something to honour your past." Bucky gave him a look of alarm. "Your good past."

After picking up Bucky's things he accompanied T'Challa and Okoye back to the capital. On the way T'Challa told him what he knew.

"An extraterrestrial attacked New York," he said. "Iron Man and a sorcerer with an infinity stone were taken into space and haven't been heard from since. Shortly after another extraterrestrial attacked a being called Vision, who carries the Mind Stone. He was injured but was rescued by your friends Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, and Natasha Romanoff. They are on their way here for Shuri to find a way to remove and destroy the Mind Stone so that it cannot be used by the being who wishes to have its power, Thanos. We expect him to attack us to prevent the Mind Stone from being destroyed."

Bucky smirked. "End of the world stuff," he said. "At least it's a fight worth fighting."

"That's the spirit," said T'Challa. "Thank you for answering the call."

"If we don't succeed?" asked Bucky.

"Thanos will kill half of all beings in existence according to someone who had an encounter with him in space," said T'Challa, looking grimly at him. "High stakes."

They arrived at the palace and Bucky was shown to his previous quarters where a uniform was laid on the bed. It was modern but he saw it had the colours of his Howling Commandos sniper uniform, a navy jacket with the left arm cut out, black pants and boots. As he took his work clothes off and began to dress in the uniform he realized he was using the prosthetic arm without even thinking of it. He looked at it again and the part of him that was interested in technology was impressed. It was much lighter than the HYDRA arm and although it was distinctive in appearance he found himself liking it much more than he expected. A knock on the door drew his attention and he opened it to Ayo.

"Sergeant Barnes," she said crisply. "Our visitors have just landed."

He followed her outside to where T'Challa was greeting Steve and several others. The blond woman who he recognized as Natasha had just asked how they were looking. The young King was describing his force then glanced back to see Bucky coming and gestured towards him. He smiled broadly at Steve, truly happy to see him and they hugged each other. While Steve, Bruce, Wanda, Natasha, and T'Challa went to the medical centre to find out what Shuri could do with Vision, Bucky stayed outside with the others. He nodded at Sam, who nodded back then a man in a metal flying suit looked at him.

"Colonel James Rhodes," he said. "Also known as War Machine."

"Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes," replied Bucky. "Call me Bucky. You were on the other side in Leipzig."

"Well, time has a way of changing a man's mind," said Rhodes. "You're no longer the Winter Soldier?"

"No, I'll never kill another human," said Bucky. "These guys that are coming? I won't hesitate."

"Glad to hear it," said Rhodes.

Sam pointed up to the sky and they watched a series of glowing lights approach. He signalled to Steve that something was coming. The glowing light hit the protective shield over the city and exploded, preventing whatever it was from landing. They watched as many more spacecraft burned through the atmosphere to land outside the dome protecting the city. Within minutes they were on their way to the edge of the dome where thousands of Wakandan warriors had already assembled. As their group joined them Bucky watched as T'Challa, Steve, and Natasha approached two aliens standing outside the crackling protective shield. They saw one of the aliens give a signal and the spacecraft expanded. When Steve returned to his side Bucky asked if the other side had surrendered. Steve replied cryptically but Bucky got the gist of it.

Thousands of creatures jumped from the spacecraft and ran towards the shield. No one had ever seen their like before and they watched with uneasy fascination as the creatures threw themselves at the shield. Many of the monstrous beings died trying to get through the shield before several were successful. The successful multi-armed creatures with mouths of jagged teeth roared their pleasure at breaking through and began charging the assembled forces. Bucky took short bursts with his machine gun before grimacing and opening fire completely. It was noticed that more creatures were circling around the perimeter and T'Challa made the decision to open the barrier to keep them from getting to where Vision was being treated. As the creatures poured in everyone was surrounded by the nightmare beings, fighting desperately to keep from being overrun. Bucky's machine gun was knocked from his hands just as he was knocked to the ground. Grabbing a knife from his thigh sheath he stabbed the creature sending it flying backwards. Everyone was swarmed by the terrifying beings, overwhelmed by the sheer numbers. Suddenly a beam of energy broke from the sky sending the creatures tumbling away. An axe trailing lightning broke from the beam and sliced through the creatures freeing many of the Wakandan force. When the energy beam cleared the axe returned to the hand of Thor who was accompanied by a walking raccoon and a walking tree creature.

The god roared for Thanos and ran towards the opening in the dome, levitating up into the air and gathering the power of lightning in his axe before redirecting it down into the ground, destroying hundreds of the alien beings in an instant. Still, they kept coming through the hole in the barrier. The raccoon creature yelled as he fired his weapon at them. His roars attracted Bucky's attention as he noticed several of the larger creatures bearing down on the much smaller raccoon. Picking him up by the collar he turned in a circle, firing his weapon as the raccoon fired his. When they had both killed their fill Bucky dropped him and the raccoon looked up at him, asking how much the gun was but Bucky replied it wasn't for sale. Then he asked about the arm and Bucky stared him down before moving on.

From outside the dome another disturbance was tearing through the forest beyond. Great wheeled machines dove into the ground, undercutting the dome and entering inside. So devastating were they that the only one who could handle them was Wanda who had left the medical centre to join the fight. Once she was there an attack was made on Vision inside the medical centre and he came out fighting as best he could. For a few moments everyone thought they had a chance then Cap called everyone to his position as they all noticed a change in the wind. Bucky, who was far out on the field began running towards the trees and fired his weapon at a giant of a man who must have been Thanos. He just pushed Bucky aside as if he was nothing. He watched painfully from the ground as everyone tried to stop Thanos and failed. When Thanos plucked the Mind Stone from Vision's head and felt its power rush through him Bucky tried once more to get up but he couldn't. Thor's axe suddenly came through the air and pierced Thanos' heart but it didn't stop him from snapping his fingers before disappearing into a portal. Only then could Bucky rise, along with the others. He felt strange and called out to Steve before seeing his prosthetic arm turn to dust, the processing moving up towards the rest of his body. His last thought was "It's happening," then he was no more.