Bart Simpson converts to Scientology:
Note: Nelson Muntz is a Swiftie in this story, but that is not the reason this story exists.
Premise: Bart Simpson, jealous of Lisa being a Buddhist decided to pick out a religion of his own
Bart, after another lousy church session without Lisa, is jealous of Lisa and decided to join another religion. Given how he knew his mother would not approve of his decisions, he told only his dad. He said "Hey Homer, is it okay if I never go to church again", and Homer told him "whatever, go worship donuts if you want."
Bart was on a skateboard the next day and he found this man and woman standing together handing out questionnaire pamphlets. Bart filled out the questionnaire and feels horrible. They slowly told Bart about L Ron Hubbard, whom they claimed was the most perfect human being ever to live. Marge was upset that he was taking the struggling family fund and yelled at him "Don't go to any more auditing sessions mister, I'm not paying for them." Homer was indifferent and fell for Bart's lie that he was donating the money to pig farms that feed pigs donuts.
Bart tricked the Scientology authorities into telling him about OT3 early by pointing out that Abe Simpson was L Ron Hubbard's first cousin. Bart's reaction to when he heard about Xenu was "Cool, space aliens are real". Bart did not understand he wasn't supposed to say that part out loud, yet he would do so. Bart then got home and told Lisa about how Scientology is much more fun than Buddhism. He said "Instead of a prince who impoverished himself, my religion has space aliens." Bart then continued "Ever heard the story of Xenu. He was an interstellar despot who nuked volcanoes full of frozen aliens."
Lisa then told him "You know that L Ron Hubbard was a failed science fiction writer who only wrote that story so he could make a movie. The movie was never made". Bart then said, "They told me that what he said was true, and I am glad that I now know aliens are real". The conversation continued like that until Scientology officials showed up at the Simpson house and told Bart that he needed to pay 100 million dollars or that he would be kicked out of Scientology. Marge said "Homer, we don't have that kind of money, You are not John Travolta." Bart is dragged kicking and screaming by his mother away from the Scientology people. The Scientology people got distracted when they found out that Battlefield Earth was playing in a nearby theater. Bart then said "I still believe in aliens", and then puts on a Chewbacca costume.
Epilogue:
Meanwhile, Kang and Kodos were twirling around in space in their spaceship. They had just gone back in time after Kang had told Kodos "Nelson Muntz, a prominent Rigellian who wore a human suit on Earth, guy is really obsessed with this Earth Girl named Taylor Swift. Kodos said, "Her music is awful and the best music on Earth is made by cicadas, not people." Kodos shifted the ship, against Kang's will, to a time before Taylor Swift was born, but massively overshot it by 75 million years.
Outside their flying saucer, there were DC8s in space all lined up going towards Earth. They try to destroy the planes but it is of no use and they are quickly captured by Xenu's soldiers and frozen. Their last thoughts were "at least it beats having to hear Taylor Swift". Their bodies were thrown into the volcanoes of Hawaii, which had formed improbably early, before they were nuked.
