Chapter Twenty-Five
Dean woke to warm sunlight on his eyes, and a glass of water on his bedside table when he opened them. He didn't move for a moment. His mind was muddled. He slowly sat up and saw the curtain open, and Cas sitting on his bed, staring at him nervously. Dean stared back, brushing his lips with his fingers, piecing together what happened.
'Did you - did we -?'
Cas bit his lip and nodded.
'Oh,' said Dean. 'Do you regret it?'
Cas hesitated, then smiled and shook his head.
Dean grinned. 'Okay, well - um - do you want to - to be together?'
Cas nodded enthusiastically.
Dean's heart soared. 'In that case, there's some stuff we gotta talk about. Can you come over here?'
Cas obliged, sitting at the edge of Dean's bed, facing him.
Dean reached out and stroked one of Cas's hands. 'I - If we're gonna do this, I need you to know that I'm not ready to come out yet,' Dean told him. 'I don't want you to think it's anything to do with you, I mean, you're awesome, I'm just…'
'Not ready,' Cas finished.
Dean nodded. 'Yeah. I get if that's not something you want to deal with, I know there are people who don't want to feel like a secret-'
'It's all right,' Cas interrupted. 'I understand.'
'Really?'
'Of course,' Cas said gently.
Dean sighed, relieved. 'It's not like I don't plan on doing it ever, just - just not yet.'
'It's okay,' Cas said, then hesitated. 'Could I tell Charlie?'
Dean chuckled. 'Yeah, of course you can.'
Cas squeezed his hand. They were both silent for a moment, awkwardly trying to think of something to say.
'Do you think we could - we could kiss again?' Dean asked, blushing.
Cas wrinkled his nose. 'Not until you brush your teeth,' he said, and Dean laughed loudly.
'Yeah, that's fair.'
Dean took a big gulp of his water and squeezed Cas's hand again, before getting out of bed and stretching widely.
A shower and a vigorous teeth-cleaning later, Dean was back in their room with fresh clothes on. He turned to Cas, who was looking nervous again.
'You don't have to if you don't want to,' Dean said.
Cas shook his head. 'I do want to,' he mumbled. 'You just make me nervous.'
Dean chuckled. 'Yeah, same here, dude.'
Cas took a deep breath, and a step forward.
Dean put his hands on Cas's waist, holding him once again. This time, Cas rested his arms around Dean's neck. After a beat, their shaking breaths hovering between them, Dean closed the gap and brushed his lips to Cas's, encouraging Cas closer.
Cas sunk into him, running his hands through Dean's hair.
Dean almost felt as though he was dreaming again. Feeling Cas's tentative tongue darting between his lips sent shocks through him, leaving him weak at the knees.
Cas pulled away, his hands sliding down from Dean's neck to his chest. 'I've wanted to kiss you for a long time,' he mumbled.
Dean grabbed Cas's hands and kissed them. 'Me too.'
'How long?' Cas asked curiously.
Dean blushed, embarrassed. 'Pretty much since your first week here.'
Cas laughed in disbelief and hugged Dean. 'It was spirit week for me,' he admitted. 'I found it endearing how much you enjoyed dressing up.'
Dean breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of Cas's hair. 'Was it that black shirt that was a little too small for me?' he teased, and it was Cas's turn to be embarrassed.
'It was a nice outfit,' Cas mumbled.
Dean lightly kissed him again. 'I'm hungry, you want something to eat?'
Cas nodded and followed Dean downstairs. After weeks of avoiding meal times, it was a little awkward when Cas sat down for breakfast with everyone else, but Mary just smiled at him, and they all gladly accepted him back at the table.
Dean couldn't stop smiling all day. Mary asked him about it a few times, but he brushed her off, telling her he was just in a good mood.
Cas also returned to his usual seat beside Dean in homeroom, looking sheepish.
'I'm sorry I ditched you,' he said quietly.
'Don't worry about it,' Jo said.
'You're forgiven,' Crowley added.
'Besides, you are allowed more friends than just us,' Jo teased, and Cas grinned.
'Thank you,' Cas mumbled.
None of the track team seemed to mind that he had moved back to their table, and Kelly waved at him from across the room.
Jo kicked Dean under the table, giving him a meaningful look, but Dean just shrugged.
Cas had track practice that day, but despite the cold January weather, Dean waited for him, shivering on the bleachers. It was worth it just to see Cas jog over to him, red-cheeked and windswept.
Dean grinned at him. 'You wanna go for dinner?' he asked.
Cas nodded enthusiastically and hurried inside to shower.
Dean wandered into the locker room, where it was warmer, and waited for Cas to wash himself off.
'Ready?' he said, when Cas emerged, dressed but hair still slightly damp.
Cas smiled and shouldered his bag, walking with Dean out to the Impala.
As they left, Dean looked around furtively, and held Cas's hand through the parking lot once he was sure no one was around.
Before starting up the car, Dean send Mary a message that he and Cas were going out, then drove them both to their favourite diner.
Dean unbuckled, but Cas put a hand on his leg before he got out.
'What's up?'
Cas blushed. 'I want to kiss you before we go in,' he mumbled.
Dean's heart fluttered. 'Okay,' he said.
Cas leaned over and kissed him deeply, cupping his cheek, and sighed as they pulled apart. 'Now i'm ready for dinner,' he said.
They dawdled during dinner, spending as much time as possible together, just the two of them, before they had to return home where they had to be more careful.
In the relative privacy of their bedroom, Cas brought his laptop over to Dean's bed, while Dean studied at his desk, and they stole kisses whenever they thought everyone was downstairs.
It became routine, studying as much as possible on Dean's side of the room, watching a movie on Cas's laptop, cuddled up together under the blankets of Dean's bed, then Cas reluctantly going back to his bed to sleep.
Dean's heart ached every time Cas slid out of his bed, taking his warmth with him, but he couldn't risk oversleeping and Mary coming in to wake them up, catching them wrapped in each others' arms. Cas never complained, and for that, Dean was grateful.
School was worse, not being able to touch each other at all, but for sneakily grazing each others' legs under the table at lunch.
February arrived with curtains of freezing rain, but Cas didn't stop training, and neither did the rest of the team, so Dean didn't stop waiting for him, though he took to lounging around in the locker room, catching glimpses of Cas through the door, rather than getting soaked through watching from the bleachers.
One afternoon, after practice, Cas ran to the front door, trying to avoid getting wet again. Dean followed him in, but didn't notice he'd come to a dead stop just inside the doorway, and walked right into him.
'Jeez, Cas, warn a guy when you do that,' he said, closing the door behind him. He looked up and saw what had made Cas stop in his tracks.
A woman with fiery red hair was standing in front of them, with Mary behind her. She looked nervous and fiddled with the cuffs of the sleeves on her green jacket.
Cas just stared in disbelief.
'Cas?' Dean said.
Cas took a step towards her, and Dean noticed he'd started shaking.
'Anna?' he asked finally, his voice coming out as barely more than a whisper.
She smiled. 'Hey,' she said.
Cas continued to stare for a moment, then stepped over to her and enveloped her in a tight hug, bursting into tears.
Dean looked over to Mary, who also had welled up. 'Anna, as in…?'
Mary nodded. 'I found her.'
Cas pulled away from her, still choked up, but kept hold of her shoulders, as though worried she would disappear if he let go.
Anna was the first to speak. 'I - I'm sorry I didn't come to see you sooner,' she said. 'I saw you online, but I - I thought you would be mad at me…'
Cas shook his head. 'Of course I'm not mad at you,' he said, leading her over to the couch to sit down. 'We were so happy for you when you got adopted. I mean, we were jealous, of course, but we were happy for you.'
Anna sniffed and smiled again, her eyes not once leaving Cas's face. 'You got so big,' she said, and Cas laughed.
'He used to be so small,' she told Dean and Mary.
'So we heard,' Dean grinned.
'I missed you so much,' Cas whispered, his hands clasped in his lap.
'I missed you too,' Anna said, reaching out to muss his hair. 'Oh! I have something for you.' She got back up and went to the kitchen, returning with her bag and sitting back down. She pulled out a thick book and handed it to Cas. 'I've got our family photo album, so I made you a copy.'
Cas took it and rested it on his lap, gently running a hand over the cover. After a moment, he hesitantly opened it.
The first photo in the album was a family picture, and Cas breathed in sharply.
'This is the one,' he said, running a finger over the plastic film. 'I didn't know you had a copy of this.'
'We all did,' Anna smiled.
Cas looked up at Dean. 'This is the one I had at my last home,' he explained, tilting the book so Dean could look at it.
Dean leaned over the arm of the couch. In the picture, two people sat in chairs with three young children standing in front of them. The woman had fiery red hair, just like Anna's, and the man was tall, with dark hair and square glasses. Anna stood in front of their mother, her hair in pigtails over her shoulders, being squeezed tightly by one of her mother's arms. Cas stood in front of their father, wearing a blue sweater that was slightly too big for him, and his father's hand rested on his shoulder. Another boy stood between them, his arms around both Anna and Cas. All five of them had huge smiles on their faces.
'Wow, you really were small,' said Dean, and Cas chuckled.
'Do you remember when this was taken?' Anna asked.
Cas sighed and shook his head.
'It was Gabriel's birthday, that's why he looks so goofy,' Anna told him. 'He got a skateboard that day.' She turned the page to a picture of Gabriel in a cast, waving at the camera with one of the crutches he was holding. 'And then he broke his leg on it,' she laughed.
The flipped through the pages together, through baby pictures, birthdays and Christmases.
'I hope you don't mind, but I added some more,' Anna said. 'From when I had that camera in the group home.'
Cas looked surprised and turned the page. Confronted by a picture of himself curled up in Gabriel's arms, listening to him reading a story, Cas froze.
'Where is Gabriel anyway?' Anna asked.
Cas closed his eyes. 'I don't know,' he said.
Anna's expression dropped. 'Oh.'
'I haven't heard from him in a long time,' Cas admitted. 'He got into gambling, and then when he got his fund, he disappeared. I think he might be in Vegas, but…'
Anna reached out and rubbed Cas's knee, but Cas pulled away.
He closed the album and held it close to his chest. 'I'm going to put this upstairs,' he mumbled, getting up from the couch and retreating upstairs.
'I'll make us some drinks,' Mary said, leaving for the kitchen.
'He's okay,' Dean reassured Anna, 'he just needs a minute.'
'Yeah, we used to call that Cas quiet time,' Anna said, nodding. 'He's always been sensitive. Easily overwhelmed. The kids at school were mean to him. They thought he was weird, he couldn't make eye contact or he would stare too much.'
Dean smiled. 'Yeah, he still does that, it's pretty cute.'
Anna blinked and Dean blushed.
'You know, everyone thinks so,' he added hastily.
'Sure,' said Anna.
Mary came in and passed them both a cup of coffee.
'I'm Dean, by the way,' Dean said.
'I figured as much,' she said, with a smile that reminded him of Cas.
'Mom, where's Sam?'
'Oh, he went to Garth's after school.'
'Your little brother, right?' Anna said.
'Yeah.'
Anna sighed. 'I miss having a big brother sometimes. Gabriel was great after our parents died. He took care of us. It was rough on all of us, but for Cas especially. He used to be terrible with all the moving around, and sometimes Gabriel was the only one that could soothe him.'
Dean grimaced.
'I wish I knew what happened to him.'
'Yeah, so does Cas.'
Anna took a sip of her coffee. 'For the longest time, Cas didn't understand that they weren't coming back,' she told them, her voice cracking. 'I couldn't take him asking where they were and when they were coming back, but Gabriel was always so patient with him. He would sit with Cas for hours, just talking to him and letting him cry. He never got tired of it, even when Cas was at his worst.'
Mary nodded sympathetically. 'I can't imagine how hard that must have been for all of you.'
Dean glanced up the stairs. 'I'm gonna go check on him,' he said, and climbed up the stairs.
He found Cas on his bed, one hand holding his tan coat to his chest, the other gripping the bedclothes tightly. He was rocking back and forth and humming quietly to himself.
Dean knelt in front of him. 'Hey,' he said softly.
Cas closed his eyes, his humming becoming small whimpers.
'It's okay, I'm here,' Dean murmured.
Cas didn't open his eyes, but he let go of his bedclothes and reached out for Dean's hand, squeezing it tightly.
After a minute, Cas lifted his coat and held it over his face. He took a few shuddering breaths before dropping it back into his lap. He opened his eyes again, staring down.
'Do you wanna talk about it?' Dean asked.
Cas shook his head, still rocking back and forth, though at a slower pace. His lips moved but the only sound that came out was a low groan.
'You can't talk?' Dean asked and Cas shook his head again. 'Okay, I think I know what can help.' Dean reached into Cas's bag. 'Here.' He gently eased Cas's sunglasses and headphones on.
It seemed to help. Cas's grip on his hand eased, and his humming turned into quiet sobbing and tears dripped from underneath his sunglasses. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Dean, burying his head in Dean's shoulder.
Dean rubbed his back until he pushed off the headphones.
'Seeing Anna… all these horrible memories came rushing back to me,' he croaked. 'It's not her fault, she was just there for a lot of them.'
'I get it,' Dean said. His legs started to cramp, but he didn't move until Cas let go. 'Do you want some water?'
Cas nodded, wiping his face.
Dean went downstairs, where Anna and Mary looked at him expectantly.
'He just got a little overwhelmed,' Dean explained. 'Just needs some water and he'll feel better.'
Anna nodded, and Dean noticed her hands clasped tightly in her lap.
When Dean returned, Cas had taken off his sunglasses, and his eyes were red and puffy. He gratefully accepted the glass of water, and Dean sat down beside him, an arm around his waist.
'Is she upset?' he asked.
'No, of course not,' Dean reassured him. 'She's just worried about you, that's all.'
Cas took a sip of his water, took a deep breath, then stood up, laying his coat neatly on the bed behind him. He went into his closet and pulled out the old green letterman jacket.
He went back downstairs, Dean close behind him. Dean was unable to stop himself from resting his hand on Cas's shoulder, and just hoped no one would notice.
'Hey,' Anna said, smiling at him.
Cas sat down beside her. 'Thank you for the album, Anna,' he said.
'You're welcome.'
Then she noticed the jacket. 'Is that…?'
Cas nodded and handed it to her. 'Gabriel gave it to me, so I kept it safe.'
Anna lifted it up to look at it, her eyes glistening, then cuddled it to her chest.
'You can keep it, if you like,' Cas said.
'Really? Are you sure?'
Cas smiled. 'Yes. I have my own now,' he said, a note of pride in his voice.
Anna wiped a tear from her cheek.
Cas fiddled with the cuffs of his sleeves, glancing up at her nervously. 'Anna?' he said tentatively. 'Where are we from?'
Anna raised her eyebrows, shocked.
'You don't remember?'
Cas shook his head. 'I remember the house. I remember the big tree in the back yard, with the swing. But I don't remember where.'
Anna hesitantly placed a hand on Cas's knee. 'We're from Wichita,' she said. 'We had a big house near the park. Dad would take us there on the weekends, and fly out to New York for work during the week.'
Cas nodded. 'I think I remember that,' he said.
'Are you staying for dinner, Anna?' Mary asked, bringing them some snacks from the kitchen.
'Oh - um - I don't want to be a bother,' Anna said.
'Not at all, Sam's out for the night, so we have a spare spot at the dinner table anyway. No pressure, though,' Mary added.
'When are you going home?' Cas asked.
'I got a hotel in town, my flight's in a couple days.' Anna rubbed the back of his hand. 'I'll stay for dinner, if you're sure it's all right.'
'Of course,' Mary beamed, 'are you vegetarian or anything?'
Anna shook her head. 'Anything is fine.'
Mary went back to the kitchen to start cooking.
'She seems really nice,' Anna said.
Cas nodded. 'This is the best place I've been,' he told her. 'They're so nice to me. My school as well, they don't treat me like the sad orphan boy there.'
'That's amazing, Cas,' Anna said, holding his hands.
'And Dean's a - a great roommate,' Cas said.
Anna smirked. 'Roommate. Right.'
As Mary cooked, Cas and Dean went to the kitchen to help her set the table, while Anna hovered awkwardly in the doorway.
John arrived home from work and spotted her standing there.
'Hey, who's this?' he asked.
'I'm Anna,' she told him. 'I'm Cas's sister.'
'No way, that's awesome!' John said enthusiastically. 'I'd shake your hand, but I'm covered in motor oil,' he asked, stepping past her to scrub his hands in the sink.
'John owns his own garage, he's a mechanic,' Cas explained.
'The best,' Dean added proudly.
'Grub's up,' said Mary, placing bowls of spaghetti, with garlic bread.
Anna sat between Cas and Dean at the table.
'What's your family like, Anna?' Cas asked tentatively.
Anna swallowed her mouthful.
'Well, my dad - you don't mind if I call them Mom and Dad, do you?'
Cas shook his head. 'Not at all. You can have more than one family in your life, I think.'
Anna smiled. 'Okay then. My dad's a church deacon, and my mom's an elementary school principal. They thought she couldn't have kids, so they adopted me, but then she got pregnant and had a little boy a few years ago.'
'You have a baby brother?' Cas said quietly.
'Yeah, another one,' she said. 'You want to see them?'
Cas nodded and she pulled out her phone to show him the pictures she had of them all.
'They look kind,' Cas said.
'They are.'
Once they finished dinner, Anna insisted on doing the dishes, but called herself a cab not long after.
'I should get going,' she said.
'Will you come back tomorrow?' Cas asked, his eyes wide and unsure.
'Of course I will,' she said, hugging him. 'Even when I go home, I'll keep in touch, I promise.' She pulled away, then put her hands on his cheeks. 'You're not so little anymore, but you're still my brother, Castiel, and I love you.'
Cas's face scrunched, his lip wobbling. 'I love you too, Anna.'
The cab pulled up outside and sounded the horn. Anna gave Cas one last squeeze. 'I'll see you tomorrow, okay?'
Cas nodded. He watched her through the window as she walked over to the cab, and stood in the same spot long after the cab had pulled off and driven out of sight.
Eventually, Mary came up to him and rubbed his arm. Cas turned to her, tears still in his eyes, then fell into her arms. John came over and hugged both of them.
'Thank you,' Cas said to Mary, his voice muffled by her shoulder.
'Oh, you're welcome, honey,' said Mary, choking up.
Cas stood there a while longer, allowing himself to be comforted by John and Mary, then retreated to their room.
Dean followed him a few minutes later, with a couple of bowls of ice cream. Cas was already sitting on Dean's bed, in his pajamas with his laptop.
'Movie night?' Dean said, passing him a bowl, and Cas nodded. 'Cool, get something fired up while I get ready.' Dean changed into his own pajamas in the bathroom, then climbed into the bed beside Cas.
They finished their ice cream, and curled up under the blankets together. Once the movie was finished, Cas closed the laptop and put it on the floor, but it wasn't long before he began to doze off. He sighed, and made to go to his own bed, but Dean held on to him.
'Stay,' he murmured.
'Are you sure?' Cas asked.
'Yeah.'
Maybe Mary would catch them, maybe she wouldn't, but in that moment, Dean wanted Cas close more than he was afraid of being found out. And even if they were, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
Welcome back everyone! Thanks to EmilyAnnMcGarrett-Winchester for the review! See you next time :)
