Demons check under their beds for Uzumaki
-/\/-
Team Seven arrived at the gate when the sun was already halfway past noon. They'd still get a good few hours of travel before they'd need to stop for the night.
"Now, Tazuna-san." Kakashi began, eyeing the man. "I'll just casually remind you that we are here to protect you from bandits only. Of course, you wouldn't be stupid enough to put my cute little genins in some bigger danger, right?" Before the man could speak, Kakashi cut in again. "You wouldn't know about any ninja after you or someone with a grudge enough to maybe try something dastardly?" His voice was perfectly even, happy even. A stark contrast to the threatening aura surrounding him.
Tazuna began to sweat. Heavily.
"You've seen what an angry Kunoichi is like. And I can guarantee that if because of you any of my cute baby ninjas got hurt… I'd make all her threats look like a kindergarten make-belief." All of this was said in a completely non-threatening tone. A casual delivery that would fit more discussing the weather than promising pain beyond imagination.
"Maybe… Uh… Can I…" A screech was heard across the village, followed by another explosion. One of the nearby shinobi wanted to run toward it, but another one leaned over to whisper that this was Hokage-approved. "I think I need to go talk with the Hokage some more."
"Good. Otherwise, I might've brought out the sausage wreath and my dogs." Kakashi's tone never changed but Tazuna ran away very fast, probably to change his pants before going over to renegotiate the deal.
"Kakashi-sensei… what was that about?"
"Oh, nothing. He must've remembered some details about the mission. See you tomorrow my cute little genins."
Before they went their own way, Team Seven watched as a very determined Tenten marched through the streets toward them. She stepped in front of Naruto, grabbed him by his jacket, and pulled him into a kiss. "We're dating now." She announced to everyone around. "Anyone's got a problem?"
Someone was about to say something, but their friend grabbed them and pulled them away.
"Uh… What?"
"I am not going to let them mess around with my sealing partner. And since you're not leaving until tomorrow, we can get the seal done today. And then experiment a bit with it." She offered, making Naruto break out of his stupor. Sealing!
The two dashed away, chanting "Seal! Seal! Seal!"
Sakura looked at Sasuke. Sasuke looked at Kakashi. Kakashi looked into the distance.
"Eternal Rival!" The distance stared back at Kakashi. And it was very green.
"Gah! Gai!" The jonin realized that somehow, Maito Gai appeared in front of him.
"What youthful news I've heard! Two of our genins are getting married soon! We've gotta celebrate it with yet another challenge!"
"Yes, Gai-Sensei!" A… smaller Gai look-alike materialized next to the jonins. "Such a powerful display of youth!" He looked around and spotted Sakura. "You! The epitome of Youthful Perfection! I am Konoha's Beautiful Green Wild Beast, Rock Lee. Please, be my girlfriend and later marry me!"
Sakura screeched in panic, placed Sasuke in front of her, and rushed away.
"Gai… I have a mission tomorrow…" Kakashi tried to wiggle out of any challenges.
"But we must celebrate! I challenge you to who can drink more toast! Should I lose, I shall run around all of Konoha on my hands. And if I fail, I shall-"
"Fine…" The silver-haired shinobi felt that the headache he was getting now couldn't possibly be worse than any hangover from drinking with Gai…
-One night of drinking later-
Team Seven gathered back in front of the gate.
"Well, it turns out that the mission is still only C-Ranked. While having a criminal after you is an increase in risk, since that Gato guy doesn't have any ninjas on his rooster it's safe to assume he'll just send his men to harass us. So… we do get better pay but it's still a C-Rank. Any questions?" Kakashi sighed.
"Uh… Sensei… why do you have a giant bag of ice on your head?" Sakura asked.
"Any questions related to the mission?" He corrected himself.
"Hn. Why do you have a giant bag of ice on your head and will it affect you on the road?" Sasuke decided to ask.
"I can assure you my hangover will not affect me on the mission. I'm just enjoying the cold."
The genins deadpanned.
"At least he was on time…" Sakura sighed.
"Huh… you're right." Naruto realized. "Are we sure this is Kakashi?"
"I mean…"
"Hn. Obviously, it's him." Sasuke groaned (internally, because showing emotions is for losers). "He's reading his book, which has a dedication on the cover. If someone else has it, they'd need to kill Sensei first, and in that case good for them and I hope they'll teach us something useful."
Kakashi faked crying. "I mean so little to my cute little genins?"
"Can we please go now?" Tazuna begged. It wasn't even eight and he was reaching the weekly limit of weirdness. He wanted to drink some more, but he was very much afraid he'd need it later on much more than right now.
A few hours on the road and Kakashi was still holding a bag of ice. Frankly, Sakura was starting to get worried. Naruto was busy scribbling something on a scroll or another and Sasuke seemed to just brood while he walked.
Seeing as the ice finally melted, the jonin turned to Naruto.
"Say, do you perchance have any exploding tags ready?" Kakashi almost regret asking when he saw this flicker in Naruto's eyes that would probably make the Hokage curl into a ball while whispering about tentacles again.
"Yatta! I've just finished this." He proudly showed the scroll he was working on. "It will send out a blast of chakra that will overcharge any material near it to also explode." With a swift swipe of a kunai, a tag fell out of the scroll. "Wanna test it out?"
"Does it have a fuse?"
"Yeah, or impact trigger!" The blond proudly declared. Tenten explained to him the basics of exploding tag triggers when they worked on their super-seal.
"Charge it and set the impact trigger, then give it to me." Kakashi knew better than to try and be the one to power any creation of Naruto. They made Sharingan look like a soldier pill.
After Naruto handed it to him, Kakashi carefully wrapped it around the handle of a kunai and idly tossed it at a random puddle in the middle of the road. Then, he grabbed his genin and the client and leaped away when the kunai transformed into an orb of energy that grew and grew until it reached about four meters in radius. From his position a good distance away, the jonin had a prime seat to watch two men appear out of the puddle, glowing yellow. They let out one last scream before everything in front of the group became white.
A burst of hot air hit them, but otherwise, they were unharmed.
The road, trees, grass, birds, and everything else that wasn't inside the initial radius were turned into charcoal and ash. Kakashi saw the ash in the shape of a bird get scattered by the wind that picked up now that the temperatures were slowly stabilizing.
There was also a hole in the place where the seal initially detonated. There was not even dust.
"K-Kakashi-sensei? Sensei? Were… Oh my flames, were there humans there!?" Sakura started to panic.
"Yes. It would appear that Gato hired some missing-nin after all. If I saw correctly, they were the demon brothers. A pair of missing-nin from Kirigakure."
"T-They died!" She screamed.
"Yes. I was surprised by the efficiency. I actually planned to only smoke them out, but it seems that it was… more effective than expected. Good job Naruto." He made sure to NOT show any sort of fear. But frankly, even he wasn't sure if he would be able to avoid this attack if he was unaware of it.
"Yeah… I kinda didn't expect it to be used on someone with chakra…" Naruto rubbed the back of his head, avoiding eye contact. "Or rather, I kinda didn't know that when the chakra released by the seal overcharges someone, it duplicates the effect on a smaller scale. Well, not really."
"What. Was. That." Sasuke demanded, staring at the blond in a mixture of awe, fear, and dislike.
"Well, so you know how everyone has chakra? Basically, the seal was supposed to supercharge everything in the radius of the initial blast to use as the fuel of the explosion, since the more distributed the initial blast, the better the damage. Except… if a human is caught in the initial blast, their chakra kind off… synchronizes with the one from the seal. And they… boom too." Naruto shrugged
Sakura took several steps back and Sasuke followed her. Tazuna was still shaking off the effects of the explosion and was thus unaware of what was being said. All he heard was ringing in his ear. Bless him, he was spared the existential terror of learning that a mere genin had the ability to turn anyone into a living bomb if he wanted.
"When you say boom…" Kakashi, frankly, didn't want to know the answer. But if he was to explain this to the Hokage, he needed to know a bit more details. If only to save the old man from a heart attack.
"Well… the seal was supposed to supercharge all things in the radius into bombs by overloading it with chakra by an equal amount, but it was also supposed to… match? Well, since there was chakra in the seal and it had to somehow also destroy the seal, I had to make it…" Naruto paused. "What's the word for making something have properties of something?"
Sasuke, who so far tried to make sense of what Naruto said, decided that for the sanity of everyone else, he should just take Sakura and the client away from the conversation.
"..." Kakashi tried to figure out what the blond meant, but he had no answer. This… what was this even?
"Well, the seal was made to make all chakra in the radius have the properties of the seal too, so it could also explode itself."
"And… it didn't differentiate between its own chakra and any foreign chakra?" The realization dawned on Kakashi.
"Yeah… I kinda forgot to make it only work on the chakra that's already in the seal. Well, not forgot because I triple-checked it, but I didn't actually think that there might be different chakra in the radius."
"No other chakra… in the explosion?" Kakashi… no. He was not paid enough to figure out Naruto's thought process.
"In my defense, I never got a chance to test offensive seals on people so how was I supposed to know that if someone was caught in the blast their own chakra would turn every cell of their body into a miniature exploding tag and detonate them instantly?" Naruto asked.
Kakashi paled to the point that the jonin was convinced this was a heart attack.
He stashed that knowledge in the deeper part of his mind and decided that he will just write the report after a bottle of sake. Or a crate.
"Let's just… let's go."
The pair caught up to the rest of the group and they traveled toward the wave.
=/\/=
As soon as thick mist surrounded them, Kakashi knew that this day was going to get worse. He was pretty sure that Naruto's earlier show would leave the air dry and thus make mist forming naturally a rather unlikely event.
"Sakura, Sasuke, protect the bridge builder. Naruto…" He paused. Did he have the mental capacity to deal with this now? "Duck!" He shouted, dodging a giant spinning cleaver blade that sailed through the air.
The genin managed to dodge the attack, but the scroll he was working on wasn't so lucky. The cut seal created a localized blast that broke the top half of the blade.
"What the-" A deep, harsh voice spoke from inside the mist.
"Naruto! Are you okay?" Kakashi lifted his headband to reveal a Sharingan eye.
"Yeah! But my latest seal was destroyed…" He whined.
"Worry about it when we're not being attacked by a missing-nin." Sasuke scolded him.
"A fuinjutsu amateur?" The missing-nin mocked. "Unlucky day for you. Even if by accident, you broke my sword." A blur dashed through the battlefield and grabbed the sword. It disappeared before any of the genin could see the ninja better. "So I'm gonna use your blood to repair it."
"Zabuza, the Demon of the Hidden Mist." The jonin spoke.
"Copy Ninja Kakashi." Their opponent acknowledged.
"Wind Release: Great Breakthrough!" Kakashi wasn't the best at wind transformation, but he chose to remove the mist before it became a problem.
Zabuza clicked his tongue. He prepared to re-cast the jutsu but Kakashi charged him with a rain of shuriken.
Mid-jutsu, the missing-nin changed and instead created a group of water clones that charged at Kakashi while he avoided the projectiles. Zabuza dashed at Naruto, who quickly unrolled another scroll and pushed chakra into it.
"My fire is stronger than yours so fuck you no jutsu!" Naruto shouted and a torrent of flames spewed out, forcing Zabuza to dodge.
The flames continued for a while until they stopped. Now Naruto stood in front of a lava pool formed from the road.
"Huh. Not bad kid." For a genin, the kid was genuinely decent and didn't hesitate to go for the kill. And it definitely was a certain-kill technique if it hit. Melting ground like that with just residual heat?
He turned and tried to attack the bridge-builder but Kakashi intercepted him with a flying kick that sent both of them into the water.
When they emerged, Zabuza held Kakashi inside a water prison.
"That… was fast," Sasuke commented.
"Well, yeah. Normal shinobi fights are short." Zabuza shrugged and created a water clone. "You, orange guy. What's your name? I wanna know who I'm about to kill."
"I'm Uzumaki Naruto and I'm going to kill you and save sensei."
"Did you say Uzumaki?" The missing-nin repeated, going slightly pale.
"Yeah."
"And you use seals as your main fighting method?"
"Well, duh. Everyone in my clan used seals, no?"
"Fuck." Zabuza now was faced with an impossible choice. To kill the vermin before it can lay eggs or run and save his life, risking that they will be reborn. What if they left one specifically to bring back the rest of them? They imprisoned the shinigami in four different ways already… "Sorry, you must die even harder now." Burn the plague, pardon the wording.
"Nuh-uh. Let go of our sensei!"
Normally, Kakashi might've shouted something along the lines of 'Leave me and save yourself', but… they had Naruto and he could see that the boy already had several seals ready.
Naruto bit his thumb and smeared blood over the edge of a scroll he was holding, then held it between his hands. He went through a series of hand seals that none of the shinobi ever witnessed before.
"Naruto style: Ultra combo delivery prank jutsu!" In a burst of smoke, in place of one Naruto, there were now three, with the right one holding a Fuma shuriken. The other two were empty-handed.
"Where is the scroll?" Sakura pointed out.
"Wouldn't you like to know, flower girl?" One of the Naruto's grinned. The middle one grabbed the right one by the hands and jumped up. The left one made a ramp of sorts from his hands and boosted the jumper, who in turn threw the right Naruto at Zabuza. The flying Naruto went a safe distance away from any of the clones' or the original's blades and sent the shuriken flying at Zabuza. He let go of the prison to jump away, letting Kakashi escape.
The shuriken sailed high until the clone on the land grabbed it and threw it back at Zabuza. This time, when it's gotten close, there was a puff of smoke to reveal that the shuriken was a transformed scroll. The scroll unrolled mid-air.
"Naruto style: S.T.A.B seal jutsu!" Naruto called from the land.
In a flash, the water, the air, and everything in the cube surrounding the seal just… stopped.
There was no movement whatsoever. The scroll, the droplets of water in the air, the edge of the sword that was caught (Zabuza having wisely jumped out at the last second). Every atom in the zone just stood in place.
Then, the seal flashed and vanished from the paper, restarting the movement. In an instant, the affected area turned to ice and cold, rapidly sucking heat from everywhere around it. The lake froze everywhere in a blink and clouds gathered above them.
It.
Was.
Snowing.
Zabuza looked around, looked at Naruto, looked around again, and shook his head.
"You know what, I accept our benevolent Uzumaki overlords. Screw this, I'm out." He looked at Naruto again. The genin was holding another scroll in his hands. "Hey!" Panicking a bit, Zabuza tossed his sword at the boy. "Take it and just leave me alone!" He dashed away as fast as he could. In the middle of a jump, an ice mirror formed, grabbing him and pulling him inside. There was no trace of him after that.
"That was… weird," Naruto commented.
"What. Was. That?" Tazuna was shaking from the cold, having been dressed for hot Hi No Kuni summer.
"Huh? That was my S.T.A.B. Seal." Naruto smiled. "Pretty cool, huh? It makes all the movement in the area just stop. No more moving of any kind."
"Uh… And does it restore the movement afterward?"
"Ah! I knew I forgot something. No. It just makes the movement of everything in the radius a nice round zero and holds it at it while it is active."
Sakura, the most scientifically oriented out of Team Seven, realized the full implication of this.
"Shouldn't it then be stop seal? Why stab?" Tazuna's brain simply ignored how he witnessed a boy not that much older than his grandson break the laws of physics. With a paddle. And physics thanked him. The bridge-builder downed an entire bottle of alcohol in one gulp.
"Not stab. S.T.A.B. Seal." Naruto corrected. "Super Turbo Absolute Breaks Seal." He explained.
"Because it breaks physics!?" Sakura screamed, unable to keep it in any longer. Then, she fainted.
"No. Like breaks in a car. It stops things. Try to keep up."
"Well, at least we can safely walk over the water since the ice reaches all the way to the bottom…" Sasuke tested the ground.
"And the snow will cover our tracks. Good thinking Sasuke!" Kakashi was consciously ignoring the revelation. This was entirely natural snow and ice. Naruto didn't just expose physics to a heavy BDSM session.
"Hey, Old Man! Is there a ramen stand nearby?"
"My… daughter… I'm sure she can make you some."
"Yatta! Let's go!" The blond cheered and dashed through the snowy lake.
