The original idea for Kafka Fortunata and Be Careful What You Wish For.

Kofuku/Daikoku is what people perceive. In reality, it's more or less their canon relationship.


Achievements in Ignorance – Kofuku Edition


Summary: Ebisu is done dealing with Kofuku. He persuades the other gods to make her plague another country. The unfortunate country ends up being Great Britain. Eight-shot.

Tags: No Bashing, Dumbledore Is Honestly Confused, Voldemort Is So Screwed, Petunia Dursley Is So Done, Severus Snape Is So Done, Minerva McGonagall Needs A Drink, Dreadful Duo, Trouble Trio, Queer Quartet, Dolores Umbridge Is Screwed, Adopted Harry Potter


Kicked Out

"This… You're really that mad at me, Ebi-chan?"

Kofuku pouted. She knew that Ebisu was entirely justified in the motion he raised. But it wasn't like she could stop attracting misfortune. It was in the job description of a binbougami!

Oh well. She'd miss Yato-chan, and Daikoku would too, even if he didn't admit it. But for now, she had a vacation to plan and she was going to enjoy every bit of it.

Ebisu had offered to cover everything anyway.

… … …

Albus Dumbledore

Albus Dumbledore paused in his paperwork. He had a feeling that everything was going to be all right, but also not. Fawkes was currently absent, so he was alone. Minerva had gone to bed early, so he figured it could wait till the morning. Popping another lemon drop, he continued to wonder which atrocious robe he would wear tomorrow.

… … …

Godric's Hollow

Lily and James Potter waved goodbye to the nice couple. They had been planning to move for a while now, and the Potters were looking for a good house to move into. It was a lucky coincidence.

The woman had made plans to make stuffed toys for the baby as soon as she heard Lily was pregnant. Her husband knitted a baby blanket for her. Lily was touched by the sentiment.

It had been a tearful goodbye, as they had gotten to know each other well over the course of the half-year since they met. It was unfortunate that they wouldn't meet each other for a while. They were going into hiding soon. And it was best if the Death Eaters never found out about them.

… … …

New Neighbours

Privet Drive welcomed a new Mister and Missus Number Seven on October 31, 1980. None of the neighbours complained since the old Missus was a woman who kept a lot of cats.

The woman was all right, but her cats were everywhere. More cats were in the neighbourhood than people, which was simply unacceptable.

Mister Number Seven was an odd man who loved the garden. His Missus was the one who went out to work. But everyone agreed that he made excellent cookies, so no one complained.

… … …

Petunia Dursley

Petunia Dursley had never been more grateful for Mr. Silverluck. While she felt a bit of guilt at dumping her nephew to the man, she knew he was better suited for that home. Thanks to him taking in her sister's spawn, they avoided tainting her home with his… freakishness.

In hindsight, she should've known her sister's charisma would pass on to her son, and Mrs. Silverluck would cultivate it. She wistfully recalled her childhood with her sister. At least her son was of her blood.

Their friendship charging the blood wards was the sole reason she allowed the boy in her house. (It definitely wasn't the tiny part of her that wanted to see Lily's eyes.)

… … …

Acceptance Letter

Minerva McGonagall felt relieved when she saw Mr. Potter's admittance letter. She had hoped he would go to a different home, and it seemed Petunia Dursley agreed with her.

The residents of Privet Drive Number 7 were good people, that had been her opinion 10 years ago. And it was for this reason she did not inform Albus Dumbledore of the change in his residence.

… … …

Neville's Decision

"Is this your toad?"

Neville took one look at Trevor and tearfully hugged the boy. He had worried about losing his friend, and the bushy-haired witch who offered to help never returned.

The boy patted his back comfortingly. Then he invited him to join in his compartment. Neville accepted immediately and decided he would go to the same House as this boy. Even if it was Hufflepuff.

… … …

The Sorting Hat

My, my. You are a rather difficult one to sort, are you not, Mister Potter? Well, worry not, for I shall sort you into the House best suited to you.

Salazar would love your creative mind and fight even Rowena over you. Though, your brand of resourcefulness is quite… unconventional. I've only seen that type in Lovegoods.

Godric would praise your courage, and your skills with the sword would instantly win him over. Unfortunately, Hogwarts no longer offers a swordsmanship course, but you can find a training room on the fourth floor's west wing.

Rowena would cultivate your wit, and train you in the art of riddles and wordplay. It would serve you well when crafting spells. But your insight would not be appreciated by others, I'm afraid.

So Hufflepuff remains. And yet you hold the most traits she admires. Loyal friends are hard to come by, and your charisma would be better used there than in Slytherin. Her house will give you excellent aid as you continue to grow your mischievous endeavours.

Enjoy your stay, Mister Potter, and off you go, to HUFFLEPUFF!

… … …

"Swish and Flick"

"Swish and flick, students, remember to swish and flick!"

"Wingardium Leviosa!"

All around the room, objects and students began to float. Only Harry Potter remained standing on the ground. Unfazed, he led them to the ground and stopped the spell.

"Well, that was unexpected," he said, "but I still prefer songs. They're more effective and powerful."

"Nevertheless, Mister Potter," Filius Flitwick smiled, "10 points for being the first to cast the spell and another 10 for handling an unexpected situation calmly. Do try to manage your output, it affects the performance of all spells greatly."

… … …

Potions with Potter

"Potter! What potion can you make with powdered asphodel and an infusion of wormwood?"

"An extremely potent sleeping draught, sir. In the right proportions and concentrations, they can become an excellent poison to kill someone without their knowledge. When used to drug tea made of the lily varieties, the potion becomes undetectable by any means!"

Snape would have mentioned that the draught was known as the Draught of Living Death, but he was disturbed by the other parts. Why would he make a lethal poison or use it to drug tea?

"Where would you look if I told you to find a bezoar?"

"Presumably a goat's stomach, sir, but I find ones from minotaurs work better. Oh, and one found in a dragon's stomach is quite lethal."

Gritting his teeth, he continued, "What is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?"

"They're the same plant, sir, also known as aconite. They make for excellent poisons, and gifts for werewolves you hate."

Feeling a growing headache coming on, he flicked his wand to make instructions appear on the board. He didn't bother telling them to write Potter's answers. They were definitely not something a child should know, and not even proven knowledge, except the last one.

… … …

Troll Slayer

"Potter!" exclaimed Minerva. "What are you doing outside of your common room?!"

When she heard the crash, Minerva hurried to the source of the sound. But when they arrived at the girls' loo, Potter, Longbottom, and Granger were standing in its wrecked interior with the corpse of the troll. To say she was shocked was an understatement!

"You're late, Professors," drawled Potter in a manner not unlike the Malfoys, "The troll nearly turned Hermione into a bloody mess. How often do students die in magical schools, by the way?"

Minerva really needed that drink now. The Granger girl stared at Potter, dumbfounded at how naturally he made horrifying statements and questions. And Longbottom was failing spectacularly in his attempts to comfort the girl.

Bloody hell, just what did he learn in that house?

… … …

Visit to 4 Privet Drive

"Why did you give him to someone else, Petunia? And how did you circumvent the conditions for the wards to hold?"

Petunia sighed as she sipped her tea. They were lucky Vernon was out, and that she had mellowed out from all her dealings with her nephew. She contemplated how best to spill the tea, and decided on going with brutal honesty.

"I hate magic. I hated it even more 10 years ago when he was dumped on my doorstep without even a warning. I would have been the worst person to give him to, and we both knew that, Albus Dumbledore. So I decided to give him to a couple who wanted a child but had none."

Sighing at the memory, she continued, "It was the best thing I did in my situation, and both sides were happy. He befriended my Dudley, and from there, friendship bloomed, which was enough for your wards. I'll admit, I've mellowed out since then, since I had to deal with him."

Shuddering at all the memories of the trouble he stirred up, she grinned madly at the elderly wizard.

"Now you've to deal with him for 10 months. Without my Dudders to hold him back, he'll be a whole other mess to deal with!"

… … …

Spiteful Petunia

Albus regretted visiting Petunia Dursley. The woman had sent a letter to Potter informing him of his parentage and now he was demanding Albus return his heirloom.

"Well, are you giving it back or not? Because I'm totally suing you if you don't."

… … …

Hermione and House-Elves

"And you're happy with serving wizards? Really?"

The house-elf nodded enthusiastically. She was about to protest against slavery when she saw the house elves, but Harry stopped her. Hermione resolved to find all the books on magical beings she could find, and learn more about them.

… … …

Changeling Boy

Firenze watched the unicorn foal nuzzle the changeling boy in gratitude. The foal was not meant to live past this evening but because of the boy who was taken in by a faerie of fate, its fate changed. Whether that was a change for good or for bad, only time would tell.

"Harry Potter. The stars have told us of your coming to these lands. For saving this foal, you have our gratitude. Know that you are always welcome in our lands, provided your company means no harm."

… … …

Quirinus Quirrell

When Quirinus passed through the flames of Severus's test, a wand pressed against his nape. Although he was surprised that someone was waiting in an ambush for him, it was nothing compared to his disbelief at the person's identity.

"Hello, Professor Quirrell. I've been expecting you. Why don't you introduce me to your friend?"

… … …

Missing Teacher

"I regret to inform you that Professor Quirrell mysteriously disappeared last night and that the teaching position for Defense Against the Dark Arts will once more be open."

Murmurs broke out in the Great Hall. Everyone hated the smell of garlic permeating the classroom, and relief was what most felt about his disappearance. It did open the discussion as to their next teacher.

… … …

End of the First Year

Their first year passed peacefully, with only the troll incident and Quirinus Quirrell's disappearance as the only mishaps. The stone was still safe, and Hufflepuff secured victory by a large margin thanks to Potter. Slytherin came second, a few thousand points after first place, then Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor.

...

On the Hogwarts Express, an emerald-eyed boy turned a red stone in his hand.


Every year, Harry, Kofuku, or Daikoku will get a souvenir from each HP book. This year, it's the eponymous Philosopher's Stone. Off the record, Kofuku gets the Mirror of Erised. Harry gifts it to her, along with the stone. Harry sends the bigger mirror first (by mail), giving her the smaller stone in person.

As for the Deathly Hallows, he'll get them, just in an unconventional way. Probably through Kofuku. Because that's what the fic's theme is all about. Kofuku's achievements in ignorance. The achievements in this chapter are: killing Voldie (through the remaining bad luck in the house), giving Harry Potter a happy life (because Petunia found an easy way out), and getting two magical artefacts through her adopted son/apprentice.