Random drabble that wouldn't leave my brain after watching the Hindsight 5 episode story arc. Andy's past crept up, left, and no one said anything about it. That wasn't fair, and we deserved to see vulnerable Andy. Also, in my head, Sharon's a hopeless romantic that fell for Andy fast, and that she's loved him far longer than they let us believe. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

They're not mine, but my insomnia begs to differ.

He couldn't sleep. Everything from the past few days kept replaying in his mind over and over again. The case was tough for everyone, but the personal battle he had fought off in the middle of it made it even tougher. He got through it though. He faked his way through it was more like it. But he can't seem to get out from under the dark cloud looming over him, and he can't tell the person sleeping next to him just how hard it was. How troubled he still is. He's not purposely hiding anything from her. He'd never do that. His hesitance is more out of fear from what she might say. Or, even worse, what she might do. And the thought of losing her is the most frightening thing in the world.

He knew he'd eventually wake her with all of his tossing and turning, so he quietly made his way out of bed and out to the balcony to replay the worst parts of the past few days, and continue getting lost in the loop of guilt and shame that refuses to leave him alone.

"Andy. Still cheating on your girlfriends? How many you juggling now? You got both hands full?"

The conversation they had with their eyes while Hickman continued on his rant should've helped…

"Ignore him."

"I'm sorry."

"We're okay."

…but it wasn't enough. Not for Andy. Not in that moment. She tried to reassure him by giving him that 'just for him smile' after Hickman left, and it eased him a bit, but it didn't stop the string of Hickman's words from echoing through his mind. She tried again a little later in the day. She broke her own "Nothing in the office, especially during a case." rule by gently scratching her fingernails to the back of his neck for a bit, and he loved her so much for it, but even that didn't help. It couldn't erase the fact that at one point in his life, every word of what Hickman said was true.

"Andy, don't get up. I'm glad to see your charm hasn't withered with age."

He knew Sharon heard that, too. The Hickmans seem to be the gifts that keep on giving and, unintentionally, hellbent on ruining the best thing that's ever happened to him. After the interview with Sherry, Andy excused himself to head straight to the restroom to splash some water on his face. His reflection wasn't him. Except it was. It wasn't his present self staring back. It was that smug bastard from years past that Mark and Sherry decided to bring up. Smirking at him. Confirming what he's known all along. "She's too good for an asshole like you, and you'll never be good enough. She doesn't love you." "Yeah, tell me something I don't know, you lousy piece of shit," he said while throwing the paper towel at the mirror before walking out. What he didn't expect to see was the smile that was waiting for him as he opened the door. The kiss that went along with it made it even better. That was twice that she'd broken her own rule, so it had to mean something, right? It didn't matter though. He still heard that smug-ass bastard laughing at him as they walked down the hall. "I still don't believe she loves you!" He'll call his sponsor later. The thread he's hanging by is getting weaker by the second.

They'd had a few more rule-breaking moments. One really shouldn't have happened, but it was subtle. He didn't even realized he'd done it until it was over. He'd bent down to kiss the top of her head as he was getting out of the tactical van. He was grateful that she let him, probably picking up on how bad he needed it, but he knew that she wouldn't let him off the hook all that easy. The smack on the arm when they'd gotten back to the PAB told him he was in trouble, but the caress on his cheek with the backs of her fingers right after she hit him told him he was already forgiven. Ok, so she'd let him off easy. That didn't mean he deserved it…or her.

Then there was that moment in her office. The way she melted into him when they hugged, the look of pure adoration as she looked at him, and the playing with his tie. He knew it was one of her favorite things to do, but he never understood why, nor did she ever offer an explanation anytime he asked. He smiled as he thought back on just how long she'd been doing it.

It started about three years ago when they were just friends. She swore it was because it was always crooked. "Maybe if you made sure it was on correctly, I wouldn't have to keep fixing it." He questioned her, but he knew it was easier if he let her have her way. He chalked it up to her overwhelming need to have everything neat. Even on days when he triple checked to make sure it was perfect, she'd still end up with his tie in her hands. It got worse (or better depending who you ask) when they "weren't dating." She lingered longer. Stared at him longer. Held on a little tighter. Blushed a little brighter. He asked her again what the deal with his ties was, but all she could give him was a shoulder shrug and a side smile. "Will you just give me the chance to fix your tie, Andy?" She didn't need to know that he was willing to give her the world if she asked.

He's still willing to give her the world. He's just not sure if she'll accept it, or if she's ready to let go of his tie for good. He'd just gotten used to her tying them for him in the mornings they woke up together, too. Maybe she should take the NFL job after all. He's not worth sticking around for.

The flipping back and forth through all the memories was, for lack of a better word, stupid, and it was giving him an even bigger headache than he already had. So was the self deprecation. The overthinking was getting him nowhere and he was going to put himself in an even more foul mood. He's convinced himself that she's getting ready to kick his sorry ass to the curb, but not once has she indicated that's where she's headed. She's done nothing but show him that she's okay. That they're more than okay, but why can't he accept it? Why won't his brain believe it? This is all on him, and he knows it.

He was still lost in thought, trying to figure out what to do about the mess in his head, when he felt the scrape of her nails on his neck. "My love, come back to bed. It's three-thirty in the morning."

"I'm sorry. I can't sleep, so I came to sit out here. Did I wake you?"

"My feet got cold, and when I went to look for my personal foot warmer, you weren't there." She shrugged and smiled as she sat down next to him, laying her chin on his shoulder. When he didn't complain about her cold feet, or even say a word about her silly joke, it made her worry even more than she already was. This wasn't like him.

"Being a foot warmer seems to be the only thing I'm good for these days," he said with a shrug.

Something wasn't right. They talked about things that bothered them. They worked through everything together. Even if it hurts. Especially when it hurts. "Honey, please talk to me. I know something's been weighing you down and you are really bothered by it," she said while tangling her fingers in his. But that didn't last long. He released her hand and instantly shot up out of the chair, acting as if her touch burned him. "Andy, please don't shut me out…and please don't break my heart." The last sentence was barely a whisper. She doesn't even think he heard her.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but the words didn't come out. Everything was right there in his head, but he couldn't form a coherent thought to save his life, and it was making everything worse. The moment he looked at her, his heart sank. She looked scared and heart broken, and the last thing he ever wants to do is break her heart. "I'm…I'm just…" Why was this so damn hard? This shouldn't be this hard. "I'm afraid that one day you're gonna wake up and realize that I'm the worst thing that's ever happened to you."

"The worst thing that's ever happened to me? Andy, why would you say that? Where is this coming from?" She asked as she got up to stand in front of him. It was then, when she saw one tear slowly streaming down his face, that she figured out exactly what was bothering him. "Is this about the things that Mark and Sherry brought up?" The look he gave her said it all. "Oh, Andy," she sighed. "You have to know that those things don't matter to me."

"But they should matter to you, Sharon! Every damn word they said is true! Maybe that guy is who I really am. I look in the mirror, and he's there. I close my eyes, and he's there. All I hear is him telling me that I don't deserve you. That I'll never be good enough for you and that you don't love me. The more I hear it, the more I believe it. He won't leave my head and I just want him to go away. I don't want to lose you over this. I can't lose you." He tried walking away from her again, but she was quick to grab a hold of his arm, absolutely refusing to let go. When he tried to turn away from her, she held on to his cheeks so tight, he felt just how hard she was trembling.

"Why are you believing a ghost instead of the person that's standing right in front of you?" It was a simple enough question. "He is, most certainly, NOT who you really are! I've met that guy. I promise you, he is nothing compared to the wonderful and beautiful man that I have completely fallen in love with. It's you that I allow into my home and around my children. It's you that I've happily brought into my bed, and it's you who has my heart. Not him. You know who you are. Do not let him win," she said before drawing him in for a kiss. When she pulled back, she made sure that he was looking directly at her again. "You want him gone? Tell him…tell him that your girlfriend carries a gun, and she has no problem using it." That got him to give her his goofy smile that she loves more than anything. The smile that she hasn't seen for a few days. "There's my Andy. Welcome back, handsome. I've missed you."

"I'm sorry for not coming to you sooner. I guess I wanted to see if I could work through this on my own. Not my brightest idea, huh?" She smiled and shook her head before letting him continue. "I love you so damn much, it actually scares me. Others left and tossed me out on my ass to figure things out on my own, and still refuse to believe that I've changed. Then there's you. You know it all, you've seen it all, and you were still willing to take a chance on me. On us. You stayed. So a part of me will always question why. Why me?"

"Because you let me play with your ties," she smirked. "And if you haven't figured it out by now, you are the love of my life, Andrew Flynn."

He heard her. For the first time in days, he finally heard her. Every doubt, every worry, every question he had about himself and their relationship was gone. "You are something else, you know that? Thank you, for loving me. For taking a chance on us."

"Loving you is easy, Andy. You've had my whole heart for the past three years and there is no one in this world that I trust more than you to keep it safe. I promise you, I'm not going anywhere," she said while pulling him back inside. "Well, except back to bed. Ready to sleep?"

"With you next to me, definitely. Just keep your damn icicle toes away from me!" As they settled back into bed, Andy reflected on the past few days, and their conversation. He hated that he doubted her, doubted them. But hearing her call him the love of her life was exactly what he needed to send that smug bastard staring back at him away for good. Her threatening to shoot him made it even better. "Just one thing."

"Hmm?"

"You said three years, but we've only been together for eight months."

"I did? Huh, imagine that," she said while snuggling against him. "Sleep, Andy. You're thinking too loudly. Goodnight, my love."

"Goodnight, babe." Then it hit him. Three years. The ties. She'd been telling him all along. "The love of you life, huh?" He mumbled in the back of her hair.

"The love of my life," she said while wrapping his arm around her. "And don't you ever, ever forget it."