A/N: So this is a songfic that I think I'll add more to over time, but it'll be when I find songs that I can envision fitting these guys. These are songs that revolve around Raven in a relationship with Robin. The stories will not always be in Raven's POV, like the first one, for instance or be correct with the original cartoon show or they may even be AU. I do not own Teen Titans or the characters, sadly. They belong to DC Comics. I also don't own the beautiful song used in this chapter, as that it The Fray's incredible creation.
P.S. I have already posted this story but had to take it down because it was being weird. However, I've been able to repost it. So, yay!
Thx!
AMM
Song: How to Save a Life by the Fray
Raven manages to conceal that Trigon is coming, misleading everyone by telling them, even Robin her secret lover, that it's just Slade being Slade, picking on whoever interests him. Trigon comes and Robin looks back on Raven's odd behavior, knowing things would've ended differently had she just told him.
~Robin's POV~
Why couldn't she have just told me? After everything we've been through, everything we've done. After all we learned about each other, after what we've come to mean each other.
Step one you say we need to talk
I tried to talk to her. I knew something was off. She's never pushed me away like she did that night. Normally we'd go somewhere more private and she'd talk to me, knowing I wouldn't judge or tell the others without her permission. She's never walked away from me since that first night we spent together, where the tension we've always felt between us just became too much to ignore any more.
He (she) smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
I thought she might try to talk to me, that it'd be like it normally was when one of us saw the other was struggling but she surprised me by walking away, revealing nothing when she looked at me. Those violet eyes that I've learned to search for and read gave away nothing.
You begin to wonder why you came
Maybe I should've left her be. I could've let her go deal with whatever it'd been that had been bothering her. But that's not how our relationship works. We don't ignore each other, especially when it's clear that the other is struggling.
Where did I go wrong?
Would the outcome have been different if I'd ignored her obvious body language that she wanted to be alone? If I had followed her, would I be holding her right now? Would she be snuggling into my chest in the adorable way she always did?
I lost a friend
Just remembering she's gone now brings tears to my eyes. Picturing her in any way shakes the stone facade I've been trying to keep for the team. Smelling the incense she always had burning, seeing her teapot or tea leaves, catching the whiff of her vanilla and lavender scent on my pillow, in my sheets, nearly brings me to my knees. I keep hoping I'll wake from this nightmare and find her running her fingers through my hair to soothe me, already being awake, having sensed my overwhelming fear and waking to find and get rid of the cause, soothing me in a way only she ever could.
And I would have stayed up with you all night
I would've held her, assured her that she wouldn't be alone if she had just let me in. I don't doubt she trusted me, but she was always the type to keep her feeling locked up and to not tell anyone how she felt for fear of burdening them. I would've done anything to quell her fears. Hold her, run my hands up and down her back in the way I know she loved. I would have pulled her close to my chest and made quiet, unhurried love to her until she knew to the core of her being that I would always be there for her, that I will always love her, that she wasn't alone. I would've done anything for her. I tried doing everything for her. I guess it wasn't enough.
Let him (her) know that you know best
I know her. I know she would've insisted that there's nothing any of us could do to help her. She would've denied that nothing could stop what was coming, had she told me. But I would've gently argued with her to at least hope that everything would end up okay.
'Cause after all you do know best
I know what it feels like to feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I know what it feels like when it's like the world is ending, crashing and burning all around you.
Try to slip past his defense
She tried to hide that something was off, as if I wouldn't notice. Did she think I didn't know her enough to know something was off? She was acting strange, secretive.
Had I known how to save a life
If I'd known, I wouldn't be crying myself to sleep, constantly dreaming of her, repeatedly finding myself at her room, the door sliding open to grant me access but I can't bring myself to enter. If I'd known, I wouldn't see her lying dead on the ground every time I close my eyes. It's all I see in the dark, when there's nothing else to occupy my mind with and my mind wanders to her. She'd been so kind that morning, attempting to make breakfast, buying pizza, agreeing to go shopping and play stank ball. I knew something was off but I never imagined it would lead to my team being short a member, that it would end up causing a huge chunk of my heart to be ripped out and stomped on.
It's the same nightmare every night that causes me to shoot upright and reach for her side of the bed only to find it empty. But it's not just a nightmare. It's a memory. A recent, heart stopping, gut wrenching, ice-filling my veins memory. I knew that even though we'd manage to stop Trigon, ultimately being forced to kill him with the unexpected help of Slade, the battle wasn't over until she was found. She was the whole reason we'd started this journey in the first place. She had gone missing in the early morning and shortly after, everything went to hell. Literally.
My eyes scan the battlefield but I see nothing but red and black, singed buildings and cars, fires still burning brightly, but no violet. I run into the most secure building, the one that had been beside Trigon throughout the fight, the one he tried to stay in front of, as if to keep us from getting to it. Either to protect what it held, or to keep it away from us.
I run through the building, shouting her name when I see white. In a heap on the floor is a pile of white fabric, covering a sprawled body, lilac hair peeking out from the top, a grey hand splayed beside the figures head, blood seeping through multiple areas of the cape. I run for her, seeing nothing else, not caring about anything else, just her. I reach her and roll her over and a cry wrenches from my throat. Her eyes are closed, mouth closed, blood trickling from her nose and ears. I collapse to my knees and pull her limp form into my chest. I don't bother checking for a pulse, knowing I won't find one.
Tears seep from my eyes, wetting my mask as I hold the form of my lifeless lover to my chest, burying my face in her neck, inhaling the smoky smell that tries to hide her lavender and vanilla scent. I briefly pull her away and press my lips to her, a zap transferring between us and my mind fills with memories of her.
Almost as if a mental note was left attached to her lips, I can hear her voice begin to rasp through my head. "Richard," she wheezes, as if she's saying it as she fights to keep breathing. "I'm so sorry I never told you what was happening. I hated running from you, withholding my feelings from you when we worked so hard to stop doing that with each other. This is why I began crying that last night we made love. All I could think about was that it had been our last time and remembering how every moment had been magical. Every moment with you always has been.
"I knew this day was coming. Not just my father breaking free, using me to destroy the world, but the day where either one of us would die and leave the other behind, broken and destroyed to carry on. I tried to fight it, tried to hope beyond hope that you would find me and save me, hold me in your arms again and promise me things will be alright even though I knew realistically they won't be. I'm not going to make it.
"I know you're nearby, love, I can feel you, our bond is strong enough on my side but I know the power of my father have muted it for you so you can't find me. Trigon, now having no use for me, has beaten me and stripped me of most of my powers so I can't heal myself enough to hold out for you. He said it's to teach me a lesson for trying to halt the inevitable but I had to buy you time. I fought as much as I could, as hard as I could, but it doesn't seem to have been enough and I'm sorry for that.
"I love you." A sob breaks past my lips as I rest my forehead against her cool one, her chakra gem digging into the skin above my eyebrow. "I know I didn't say it much and it's not because I didn't want to. I just felt like it was never enough, that there were so many things I could do to show it, that my actions would speak louder than my words, but I know that since my heart raced every time you said those words to me, I'd say them back one more time to you. I love you. I'll miss you, but don't let the grief swallow you whole. Keep fighting. Keep being the man I fell in love with. If not for yourself, for the team, then for me. As my dying wish. Please, Richard, do it for me. Stay strong for the others, protect our city, be the hero everyone knows and needs you to be. Mourn me if you must for a little while, that's okay, but you must move on.
"I love you," her voice whispers once more and then fades out as I assume she dies.
"No!" I cry out, crushing her to me once more. "No, no, no, no! Please! Please come back to me! Don't leave me!" I shout before quieting. "Please, I can't go on without you. How am I supposed to be the man I was with you if you're not here?" I whisper into her neck.
"Robin?" I hear from behind me. I come back to reality, realizing I'm not alone. "Is she-"
"She's dead. Trigon killed her," I grit through my teeth before sliding an arm under her knees, making sure to have as much of her bloody form covered by her white cape as I could before standing with her dangling from my arms. I turn and my team all gasp at the sight of our fallen member. "She tried to buy us time with Trigon after he'd stripped her of her powers," I say quietly before walking past them and out of the building, into the growing sunlight as the dark clouds begin to disperse, the flames begin to die out, and people begin to move again. No one notices us as I climb quietly into the T-Car, holding her dead body in my lap until we reach the destroyed tower. I don't hesitate taking her to the med lab, though I know there's nothing I can do.
Cyborg had insisted on trying to resuscitate her but it had done no good. She'd been dead too long. Despite how beat up we all were and how much of a mess the tower was, we cleaned her up, put her in a casket she'd had prearranged, something we all did in case of something like this, and had a small, proper funeral. I was the last to leave her grave and go out to it daily, taking fresh bouquets of gladiolus flowers, purple anemones, and orchids every few days. I sit beside her grave for hours at a time, just wanting to be next to her, wishing I could hold her once again. And I know, one day I will. One day, my Raven and I will be together again.
A/N: Okay, this was a lot sadder than I originally planned for it to be. I mean, I knew what I wanted to happen, but I found myself typing really sad things. I even teared up when I was reading through it for spelling and grammar mistakes (though I most likely missed a billion of them). I also did purposely refrain from really using any names even though I think it became obvious who I was referring to when I started talking about purple hair and eyes….whoops! Oh well, not changing it now. Hope you liked it!
Thx!
AMM
