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This isn't how her life was supposed to go. Never in a million years did she imagine doing this. The idea of motherhood was simply an idea, a dream that always felt close enough to be real. But always just far away enough to be out of her grasp.

Until now.

She didn't want to be a mother, not really. How can she be something, someone that she has never experienced? Her mom was a mom to her at one point in her life, does she wish they had a different relationship? Of course, but that is only a wish, a dream. And Olivia stopped dreaming long ago.

Her eyes close tightly at the contraction.

The pain is unlike anything she has ever felt before. Yet, it's not the soul-crushing pain she has already experienced with life, which gives her a moment of pause.

Childbirth is one of the most excoriating pains that a woman will endure, to bring life into this world, yet the pain while horrendous, reminds her that she is alive.

If she could undo the previous pain and scars that have damaged her body and soul, by childbirth.

She would.

Her insides are being ripped open, she feels her daughter kicking, screaming, protesting her departure. She smiles sadly. She understands her pain, who would want to be born into this world, where there is nothing but pain and sadness?

"I'm so sorry, Hope." Olivia cries as she rubs her belly soothingly.

"You're doing good, sweetie." Her midwife whispers in her ear as she holds her.

Olivia opted for a waterbirth, wanting to give birth at her home. There's something about the water that brings peace and clarity. The washing of her sins, her past.

Also, she avoids large crowds at hospitals. Her luck, someone could recognize her, and her daughter's life will be in jeopardy.

"I did this to her." Olivia shakes her head, wiping her tears.

"You are doing the best you can. That's all we can do in life. Is do the best we can. We aren't perfect, but you are trying to be the best version of yourself not for her, but you." Isla whispers climbing into the water with Olivia hugging her

She doesn't know much of Olivia's past, she is a woman with few words, but when she speaks. She speaks with clarity and women who understand the ways of the world. It's not her place to judge or cast blame. Many women have come to her, without a partner, a husband, or a mom. Whatever they need her to be, she will be.

"I don't think I can do this." Olivia turns in the tub facing Isa "I need him."

Isa cradles her cheek "You can do this. You've been doing this. Where are you, friends?"

She knows Carolyn's group by heart, one of them is always at the doctor's appointment with her. Supporting her.

"I didn't tell them."

"Why not?" she frowns

"I thought I could do this on my own."

Isa smiles. Carolyn is stubborn "Well of course you can do it on your own, but your friends or should I say your family has been with you every step, they have been with you at every doctor's appointment."

"I know… I'm just a burden."

Isa shakes her head, her long black dreads and copper skin shining under the LED lights. She refuses to allow Olivia to continue further. "No ma'am. That is family. You can't stop them from coming when you choose. That is not how it works."

Olivia shakes her head, in agreement. "I just thought I could do this."

"And you can, but you need support. You have people who love you, why run away?"

Olivia wipes her tears "Because I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"Of them leaving me. That they will become so important to me that I can't imagine life without them…it's happened to me…too many times…and I don't want that for Hope."

"Hope isn't afraid of that. You are."

Olivia stares at Isa's large brown eye. She's shocked. She's right. She knows it. All this work she's put in therapy, and she's still a mess.

"I'm scared…" Olivia whispers, her eye closing at the painful contraction "I'm scared."

Isa smiles "Good, I would be scared of you if you weren't."

Olivia laughs.

"Now, what are you going to do to ease your anxiety?"

"I'm going to call my family."

Isa smiles proudly "That's my girl." She gets up from the tube, to grab Olivia's phone.

/

"Why didn't you tell me!" Alice yells.

"Shut up, Al! you are causing Car to be stressed." Shane yells as she massages Olivia's back with a tennis ball. Her black tank top and cargo shorts, soaking wet, but she doesn't mind. When it comes to her friends, they are her family, they are all she knows and has, and the thought of not supporting them goes against every belief she has.

Shane will sleep with countless women and has lost count of how many relationships have ended because of her being unfaithful. While the thought of committing to one person is wonderful, it is rather hard for her to execute fully, but for her friends…there is no problem. She is with them whenever they need her for as long as they need her.

Alice walks out of the room needing time to cool off. "My mom had a lot of kids, and I had to learn this trick." Shane responds with a sheepish smile as she applies pressure to Olivia's back

Olivia smiles "I didn't know that."

"Yup," Shane answers pushing back her long straight black hair, her deep voice dropping in octave as she recalls her family trauma. "I was the oldest, my mom was a druggie…and she lost custody of all my brothers and sisters…five of us."

Olivia turns around to stare at Shane "Where are they?"

Shane shrugs "I don't know…I tried looking for them…when I was in the States, but we were separated as kids, they got adopted out, closed adoption."

"And what about you?"

Shane smiles sadly, her hair falling on her face to hide her pain. "no one wanted me…I was too old to be reformed, and yet young enough to be stuck in a system that had no use for me."

Olivia wraps her wet arms around Shane. "I'm so sorry, Shane."

"Hey!" Shane pulls her back "I didn't tell you this to make you sad or pity me."

"I know…it's just…"

"I'm good. I gained a family." Shane answers honestly.

"Me too." Olivia smiles "My mom and dad didn't want me either…my mom had me to control my dad, and my dad grew to resent me…my name is Olivia."

"What?" Shane smiles confused.

A contraction hits Olivia, she squeezes Shane's hand tightly "My real name is Olivia Pope…I just wanted you to know me…because you're my family too." She bites her lip to stop from moaning in pain, the contractions were speeding up and becoming more frequent.

"I know," Shane whispers gently with a sweet smile.

The painful contraction melts away, and all Olivia can do is stare at Shane in shock.

She knows.

How does she know? Of course, she does, she's from America, but…she's never. "you never said a word."

"Of course not, I'm not Alice."

Olivia laughs but the smile fades and she becomes serious.

Shane could destroy her, blackmail her, and demand the most outrageous things, yet all she wants is their friendship.

"I don't understand…"

"What's not to understand, Car? We are family, and we don't turn our back on our family. I knew you had your reasons for hiding, and once I found out you were pregnant, I very much understood your desire to protect the one you love."

Olivia smiles sadly "I wanted to tell you guys, but…I was scared…I'm still scared."

Shane nods her head "I know…you are giving birth to someone with immense power, but more than that, you are giving birth to your child. You are just protecting the person you love."

"I love you too, Shane. If the world knew about me here, then your life would be over as well…because of your connection to me."

Shane shrugs her shoulder "You're worth it. And I love you too. I do like your name as Olivia…that fits you."

"I don't miss Olivia though," Olivia answers honestly.

"Why not?"

"Olivia didn't have anything. She had a fancy office, and meet many famous people, but everything was transactional…she would go home to no one, no friends, no family, no one. People loved her, but she wasn't sure what to make of their love, and to the few who did love her she abused their love for her…so no. I don't miss Olivia Pope." Her eyes water but she won't cry.

/

"Oh," Olivia moans rubbing her stomach.

"Oh, that looks painful, did it hurt?" Alice asked sarcastically from the corner of the room, hiding behind the column.

"I hate you." Olivia smiles, only Alice could be so annoying and adorable.

Alice walks over to Olivia, pouting.

"How long are you going to punish me?"

"I don't know…" she flicks the water at Olivia "until I feel ready."

"Well, I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were best friends?"

"We are best friends." Olivia moves over to the edge of the pool. "Alice, I love you so much. You are lightning in a bottle. You make me laugh, you make me angry, you challenge me on the most mundane things, and I love that about you. Because despite all the obstacles I put in place to block you, you still managed to enter my heart." She touches Alice's hand.

"Then why not tell me?"

Olivia sighs "Alice, I just thought I could do this on my own…but…there are things, that I can't tell you…because it is for our safety…and you have a big mouth."

"Hey!" Alice yells dropping Olivia's hand "I do not!"

"You do, you blog and gossip about celebrities. It's your job to find the news, and it's my job to keep the news away from you."

"Well…it's not like I would do something to harm you or baby Hope…I mean common! What kind of person do you think I am?"

"A great person, but a person that I don't want to give drugs to if I know they are an addict."

"I- what the fuck! I don't know whether to be insulted or pleased by your description. But I'm going to lead towards offend!"

"Al-I love you. Please know that I am sorry. I am sorry for what I have done and what I will do. But know that you are one of the most important people in my life, and you have opened my heart in ways, I never knew."

Alice hugs Olivia "I love you too."

"But I still want to know you."

"You know me, better than I know myself. But you can call me Olivia."

/

He stares at his phone.

That's all he's done in the past 24 hours since she called him.

She's alive.

She's okay, wherever she is in the world, she's safe. He wipes the lone tear that escaped, allowing himself this moment to unravel.

He's been worried about her, and despite his every objection he still thinks about her. Forever engraved in his mind, she will always be there.

"You coming to bed?" Angela asked from the closed door

As though caught, he wipes his tear quickly, and fixes his stance. "I'll be out in a minute."

Angela stares at the door before walking away.

/

"I'm hungry."

"Alice, you are eating, how can you be hungry?" Ryan answers as they munch on chips, beer, and sandwiches.

"Because I am, fatty!"

Ryan rolls his eyes "We'll it isn't going nowhere, so slow down.

/

"Ryan" Olivia smiles at him.

He always manages to bring a smile out of her. Whether she was sad or mad, she could count on him, just like Alice is the one that makes her laugh, and Shane is the one who makes her the calmest.

"Hey, you don't have to explain." he immediately responds, moving to sit down next to her in the tub.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm not Alice." Ryan laughs

"But I owe you an apology."

"You, do and I thank you. But I get it. Us being black, we are so used to handling everything especially black women. The world's most prized possession but also the most unappreciated. Unfortunately, not many know just how beautiful and rare black women are"

"Wow."

That's a first, for Olivia.

She's been called every name in the book because of the color of her skin, but to be called 'the world's most prized possession.' she's flattered that someone sees the suffrage of black women all over the world.

"My mom went through hell raising me as a single parent. Struggling to make rent and buy school supplies. Forget about Christmas and the holidays. But somehow, she performed miracles every year. No help, no thank you. Just her being the amazing woman she is. You are doing what every mom does, just trying to survive."

"Your mom is incredible." Olivia smiles softly listening to Ryan talk about his mother.

"She is." Ryan answers proudly "She lost a lot of family, for accepting and loving me unconditionally. Black people can forgive just about

everything- adultery, pedophile, but homosexuality...now that is an abomination."

Olivia chuckles, while she does not have many memories spent with her family, one thing she remembered was her grandmother shaming two black men for walking hand in hand down the street.

"The pastors can cheat with women in the congregation, but homosexuality is unforgivable. That is the ultimate sin." Olivia responds rolling her eyes at the hypocrisy.

She wasn't raised in church. Nor is she a religious person. Not in the way many are. She believes in Jesus and God, but she doesn't go to church. She can't imagine this amazing person sending people to eternal damnation because they love someone that they are not supposed to.

Once in a while, on those rare days. She will find herself praying. She prayed mostly for Fitz. She laughs at it now, but she did. She prayed that he won the election, prayed that he became everything he was destined to be, and a few times prayed that she could be a part of his world. Not in the shadows or hidden from the history books.

But openly. Proudly.

To walk beside him. Hand in hand, they face the world; together.

"My mother is my best friend," Ryan answers bringing Olivia back from her reverie

"I wish my mom was my friend." Olivia smiles sadly "Or that she wanted me. Loved me even."

Ryan grabs Olivia's hand. The different shades of brown complement each other as they lace their hands together.

"I hated watching my mom struggle to make a living."

"I can imagine."

"You won't have to struggle. I'll make sure to take care of you and Hope." Ryan smiles so sweetly that Olivia is unable to contain the tears that flow freely down her face.

"Really?" she's shocked. It's not uncommon for men to want to take care of her, to save her. But there was always a reason. Edison, Jake, and even Fitz. They all got something out of taking care of her. But here is Ryan completely untethered to her, yet he is tying the rope to bind them.

"I make great money, with my computer software and company. I send money home to my mom every month and I'll make sure to do the same for you as well."

Olivia pulls Ryan in, squeezing him tightly into her swollen chest. "You don't have to do that."

"I know I don't but...I don't want you thinking you have to go through this alone... While I am not trying to take the father's place...I will be whatever you and Hope need. If Hope wants to go to the 'father and daughter dance' at school. I'll take her. 'Donuts for Dad' I'll be there. I just want you to know that Hope, will never be without and you will never be left."

'You'll do that for us?" Olivia cries. The more she wipes her tears away, the faster they return. She's not sure if Ryan wants children, better yet raising a child might interfere with his relationship.

"What about-"

"Don't worry about him. This is about you and Hope."

"I can't believe you would do that?"

Ryan rubs Olivia's back soothingly "I have you."

Olivia pulls back and cups Ryan's smooth face "And I have you."

They embrace tightly for what felt like forever.

"I'm Olivia," she whispers in his ear.

"It's nice to meet you, Olivia."

"Thank you for everything. Thank you for being willing to sacrifice your happiness for us."

"You make me happy. It's not a sacrifice."

"But it feels like one."

"It's not."

Kissing Ryan's hands she smiles warmly at him "I love you, Ryan."

"I love you, too Olivia."

/

'One'

She exhales

'Two'

She inhales.

She's been in labor for the past ten hours. Her insides are scathing out of her skin. She feels sick, nauseous, and miserable. The worst feeling, she had ever felt. And she can feel her daughter fighting to stay inside her cocoon where she is safe and warm.

"I can't do this." Olivia sobs loudly

"You can do this; we are here baby," Alice responds by wiping her face with a towel.

Shane is behind her, supporting Olivia as she falls back.

"NO!" Olivia yells the contraction hitting her as she feels her cervix spread.

"Call him!" Olivia sobs "Tell him 'I'm sorry'" she cries and cries "I'm sorry" she repeats again and again.

"You can tell him that once we get Hope," Ryan answers.

"No..." Olivia shakes her head attempting to stand up. Under the misconception that shaking her head will somehow magically stop her contractions and the birthing process entirely.

But she's trapped. Her legs can't move.

"Olivia; we are past that point. If you wanted him to know you would have told him. "Her midwife speaks up. Reminding her of her plan.

"I changed my mind!" Olivia attempts to push up again "Fitz, needs to be here." Olivia cries as she feels the magnitude of what is about to happen.

"He deserves to be here! Fitz deserves to be here!" Olivia screams at the contraction.

Exhausted and sweating profusely, she turns to face Alice weakly

"Call him...please," Olivia begs.

Alice retrieves Olivia's special phone and dials the only number on it.

She pants rapidly. Her fist clenches as she waits for him to answer and save her.

'Save me' Olivia pleads

Alice turns to face Olivia, her face pale and sad "he didn't answer baby."

Olivia falls back distraught. Sapped

'He's left me.'

"I got you." Shane rubs her hair "We have you." Ryan answers

"We got you, baby," Alice answer sweetly

/

"Olivia, you have to push"

"I'm tired." Olivia whimpers and she is tired. Mentally. Emotionally enervated

"Hope is ready to come out, but you have to push!"

"It hurts!" Olivia screams as she pushes unconsciously

"There you go! Keep pushing! Hope is ready!"

Screaming at the top of her lungs, Olivia pushes with all her strength and might.

In the chaos, there is a moment of liberation and clarity. Time stops moving and she stops breathing. It's beautiful. Peaceful even. This must be what Heaven feels like. The suffering of life and to be rewarded with eternal joy.

They say life flashes before your eyes as you die.

Olivia can confirm that it is true.

She was dying.

Until she heard her cry.

'Hope" Olivia whispers with a smile as she hears her daughter wailing.

/

Hope is protesting at being brought into this world. But she stops sobbing the second she is placed on her mommy's chest.

Her heart beating in sync with her mother's.

Everyone leaves for a minute, to give Olivia time to process what just happened.

Cradled in her mom's bosom, Hope opens her eyes to finally look at the only person she knows and loves.

Kissing the crown of her daughter's head, Olivia smiles proudly.

It's amazing. The sensation and wave of emotions flowing through her are abundant, but resolute in meaning. They all start with Hope.

Her dissatisfaction and discontent with the nature of her relationship with Fitz, splendidly dissipate into nothingness.

His importance is now insignificant. The overwhelming consumption that plagued her all those years, is gone.

Fitz is now eradicated.

Holding Hope's entire hand on her finger, "It's just you and me now, Hope."