A/N: true story.
"It's pretty simple, Commander: you'll be helping at an elementary school in Lanikai. It might be art or music class, might be PE in the yard, might be homework hour, or just a regular ed classroom… that'll be up to the principal."
"I'm not exactly good with kids, governor. That's more Danny's area of expertise."
"Good. Maybe the detective will have some advice you can follow. It could do you some good to listen to him." Denning raised an eyebrow knowingly. "Like when he tells you to stay on this side of the No Trespassing fence, for instance, or warns you about driving off the road."
Steve winced. Denning, on the other hand, seemed amused.
"It should be a piece of cake, commander. You won't even be in charge- you're just helping out."
…
Steve stared forlornly at the drab, concrete elementary school tucked under the leaning kukui trees and backed by the sharp ridge of the mountains at the edge of Lanikai. Danny had dropped him off moments before and now he stood alone in the parking lot, uneasy about the assignment and wondering if running away could be a viable alternative to serving his punishment. Working with children was really Danny's area of expertise. Steve understood what the governor wanted him to learn from this experience, but he had absolutely no idea what to expect or how to handle insubordinate 6-year-olds. He assumed that pushups and running laps were out of the question.
"You've played with Charlie plenty of times," Danny told him a few minutes earlier while Steve sat in the car, reluctant to get out. "This will just be more of that. And, for a bonus, I notice your arm is out of the sling."
"Still sore, though," Steve had said, rubbing it thoughtfully.
"You'll manage."
"But your kids actually obey you," Steve protested. "What do I do when these kids don't?"
"That's up to the teacher. I'm sure they have very clear discipline procedures and expectations in place. Just do whatever the teacher tells you, and let the teacher handle any situations that come up. Also," he tapped Steve's good arm to get his attention, "my kids do not obey me ALL the time. They just happen to be on their best behavior for you."
That only made Steve feel marginally better.
…
Steve reported to the main office, filled out some forms, and was directed down the hall to a kindergarten classroom. Once in the classroom, the time passed quickly. After math and reading lessons, the class moved to the carpet where they sat in a circle, reviewed some Hawaiian words with a clapping game, and then launched into a song.
Na manu o ka lewa
Na pua o ka honua…
Steve looked around the circle at the kids who were singing while the energetic teacher named 'Mr. K' led them through the hand gestures. Steve's butt hurt from the tiny, plastic seat that didn't quite fit his six-foot frame, and his legs were cramped, but Steve ignored the aches and pains and forced a smile onto his face. It wasn't quite as bad as sniper training or SERE school… but almost.
You'll just be helping out, Denning had said. Help-ing. So why did Steve feel so help-less? The discomfort of lying motionless in a sniper's nest for hours was nothing compared to the uncomfortable embarrassment of trying to perform a complicated song and dance without trampling any of these miniature humans underfoot.
Just smile and pretend you know what you're doing, Danny told him. You'll be fine. So Steve pretended. He mimed the words (there was no way in H-E-double-hockey-sticks that he would sing) and tried his best to follow along with the hand gestures as the tiny hands around him nimbly flew through the movements.
Then the screams broke out.
…
It took Steve a moment to realize what had happened. His first instinct was to grab his weapon, but his hand swiped the empty air by his hip where his holster should have been. As the shrill yells rose around him, he looked around in panic, trying to determine the source.
Then he saw it.
A large, multi-legged insect skittered across the floor, crawled onto one boy's shoe, and then took flight when the boy tried to shake it off. Air-born, it sprouted wings as twenty kids shrieked and scattered.
Chaos ensued.
Mr. K called for order.
No one listened.
The insect landed in the middle of the reading rug, parting children like Moses at the Red Sea. Steve armed himself with a book and waded through the crowd toward the insect. Unfortunately, a quick-thinking boy got there first.
Stomp!
Grinning, the boy crouched down to admire his handiwork.
Sensing the danger was over, the screams died down and the other children now flocked to see the thing of terror.
Steve looked above the crowd and found Mr. K grinning and gesturing with a thumb's up. Piece of cake, the man mouthed, as though it happened all the time.
Steve snorted. Yeah right.
"It's twitching!" With a shrill scream somewhere in the range of a dog whistle, a tiny girl with braids pointed at the smushed remains of the insect. "It's still moving!"
Whether the insect was still actually moving or not, Steve never knew. Another boy- Kaleo?- got to it first. Pulling off his little shoe, he proceeded to beat the bug into a pulp with gleeful vengeance.
Whack, whack, whack, whack, whack-
Mr. K stepped forward. "Kal, buddy, I'm pretty sure it's dead."
-whack, whack, whack.
There wasn't much left when Kaleo picked up his shoe.
Mr. K swooped in next to him with a tissue, scooped up the mush, and carried the remains off to the trash. As he hurried away, the kids once again gathered to admired the small, shiny spot on the floor where the bug had met its demise.
"Hey Mr. K?"
"Mr. K, come back!"
A dark-haired girl with braids crouched down and pointed at something on the tiles. "Mr. K- you missed a leg." She bent close, her nose nearly touching the floor, and then jumped back. "It's still twitching, too."
A chorus of eww's and yuck!'s broke out in agreement with this statement.
Mr. K grabbed another tissue. "Okay, Leilani. Want to show me where it is?"
Little Leilani bent down. Stretching out a tiny hand, she picked up the insect leg.
"Here," said Mr. K and held out the tissue. "Just put it here, Leilani."
Leilani looked at the tissue. She looked at Mr. K. She looked at the insect leg.
Then she put it in her mouth.
…
"She did what?!"
"She put it in her mouth, Danny."
"And did she swallow it?"
"Yes. She ate the insect leg."
"Why would you do that? Why would anyone do that?!"
"People all over the world eat insects, Danny. In some places, it's an important food, rich in protein…"
"Great, I'm glad she's going to survive the zombie apocalypse, but this isn't a third world country. This is freakin' Hawaii! Fruit trees everywhere! Kahlua pork, Acai bowls, coconut and pineapple everything… Of all the things to eat, why an insect?"
"I dunno. Maybe she was just curious. Maybe it looked tasty. Maybe her brain isn't developed yet- I mean, she's only, what- 5 years old? Or 6?" But it still troubled Steve. If this was maturity at 6 years old, how much hope should he have for the future of society?
"So what happened after that?" Danny pressed.
"You mean before or after the school director walked in with a group of visitors?"
Danny's eyes widened and his face fell comically flat. "Oh."
"Yeah."
"So does this mean you're through with community service?"
"Denning won't let me off that easy." Slouching in the seat, Steve watched the school recede in the mirror behind them. "He said he'd find something different for tomorrow."
