William caught himself singing as he prepared for the morning. He thought that was occurring with an alarming frequency. He often found himself singing or humming as he went about his day. However, he decided alarming frequency did not mean it was a cause for alarm. Why should he not rejoice? Elizabeth was his wife and the first week of married life had been exceptionally satisfying. They need not even be in the same room but the very knowledge they were inhabiting the same house brought him greater joy than he could have ever realized. A house that was theirs together, Stillmeadow. This morning had been the first time he had woken up beside his wife in what he felt was his true home. He felt singing was not only perfectly acceptable but necessary.
As the last notes rang in the air, the door to his dressing room burst open. "I am eighteen years old, William! Eighteen! It is too much." Elizabeth clutched something white in her fist and shook it at him, only to huff and move over to look out the window over the expansive estate.
"No! That is even worse." She paced, mumbling to herself, before finally stopping inches away from William. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest. "Tell me everything will be well."
"Of course, everything will be well. I will not allow anything to distress you." He ran his hands up and down her back to soothe her before tipping her face up with his finger. "Whatever is the matter?"
She shook her fist, still clutching the white object, at him again. "This! Do you know what this means?"
"I do not even know what that is."
Elizabeth stepped back and with an expression of disgust placed the lace cap on her head. "I am a matron. I am supposed to wear this and assume my duties as mistress of the house. So, I will remind you again that I am eighteen and not equipped to be matron of a house such as Stillmeadow, and then there is the house in London. I will have to run those households and all that that entails, but then I shall also have to be a good tradesman's wife and entertain your colleagues. Will the staff even respect me? And what of the wives of your colleagues, and the wives of your society connections. How am I to manage it all?"
"Elizabeth, I have no doubts about your capabilities-"
"Capabilities, ha! I may be capable of making jam with the cook or drying herbs in the stillroom, but I know precious little about running a house.
"What kind of jam?"
"What kind of jam? That is all you have to say?"
"Well, I do think it is the most interesting as I have not had my breakfast yet. I quite like blackberry, but I am not fond of currant at all." William wrinkled his nose before kissing the tip of Elizabeth's.
"No currants, noted. Now what shall you do about the other things I said."
William took her hand and led her back into their sitting room. He stopped in front of the fireplace where a low firing was burning. "You are familiar with the phrase baptism by fire. We, as individuals and as a couple, will be experiencing so many new things. Many of them will be difficult or challenging. We will have much to learn and we will make mistakes. But there will be other experiences that will be wonderful and rewarding. I imagine there will be a fair amount of overlap as well. We just need to remember that we are not alone. I will never let you falter when I am in any position to help you. I trust you, my wife. You are the woman who learned Greek at your father's knee and the woman who brought my father to his. You are intelligent and fierce, but you wield these attributes with compassion and grace. There is nothing you cannot do. And remember, fire has its uses. For example..."
He plucked the cap off Elizabeth's head and deftly threw it in the fire. They both watched as it burned away. He nodded as the last bit turned to ash. "Wherever did you get that, by the way?"
"My aunt Phillips gave me quite a stack of them. She said all married ladies wear them." She noted William's frown. "She meant well."
"God save us from well-intentioned matrons."
"No, do not say that. She is correct, every married woman I know wears one. Both our mothers, our aunts, Lady Lucas, Mrs. Long, your cousin Anne. I have never seen a single one of them without a cap."
"Did you see any of them as an eighteen-year-old newlywed?"
"No, of course not."
"Other than your mother, have you ever seen a single one of them in the privacy of their own home with no guests?"
"You know I have not, by virtue of my very presence they had guests."
"So, you do not know if they do not wear a cap. For all you know, my aunt Catherine lets her hair hang loose to her knees when not in company."
"Is her hair really that long? What? You got to ask your question about jam," Elizabeth said when William raised an eyebrow at her question.
"I do not know. That is the point. We do not know what happens when they are alone, whether it be with their husbands or their thoughts. Regardless of what others do, you may do what you like. If you would like to cast them all to the fire you may do so."
"Thank you, William." She walked to the window and again looked out over gardens and the now bare lavender fields in the distance. "You have calmed me, but it is all so daunting. I pray your father lives a long and healthy life. I have no desire to add Pemberley and Darcy House to my management responsibilities." William wisely remained silent about the Darcy holdings in Bath and near Edinburgh. There was also the small Darcy property in France, which had not been visited in almost a decade but had been maintained be faithful retainers during the ongoing political strife.
Elizabeth misunderstood the amused look on William's face. "Oh, that sounds rather self-serving, doesn't it? Especially given that your father would not otherwise be remembered in my prayers at all."
"Not at all, you know my feelings when it comes to my father. Despite our recent truce, for lack of a better word, I have no desire to live at Pemberly any time soon." He came up, hugging her from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. They both just stood a moment, enjoying the view.
"What is Pemberley like?" Elizabeth asked.
"At one time I thought Pemberley was perfect, but my memories are those of a child. It had spectacular trees to climb. There were ponds and streams for fishing and swimming. My cousins and I were scolded every summer for eating too many plums and not leaving enough for the cook. You could run and play to your heart's content. There were horses to ride and dogs to play with. The night sky was glorious, I would often fall asleep under those constellations we once spoke of at Netherfield Park. It was paradise but every paradise has a viper.
"The memories shift and now it holds heartbreak more than anything else. It is where my family fractured. Come spring, it will be difficult to be in that house and walk those lands and be reminded of all the pain that occurred there. But that pain is in many ways responsible for my greatest joy. How else would I have found my way to you?" He turned his face into Elizabeth's neck and breathed in her scent before he continued.
"Our eldest will inherit that estate one day and I cannot help but feel it would be nothing but a cruel burden. Meanwhile, Stillmeadow will be the real heart of our family, the home built out of love and warmth…how can I go back there?"
"The home built out of love and warmth." Elizabeth repeated. "A home, not a house. We will build that within these walls. If we can do it here, we can do it at Pemberley when the time comes. I am convinced that we can be happy no matter where we are. Our family will never be defined by where we live. That is the thinking of your father and grandfather and all those other Darcys who came before you. As to the memories that linger, we shall just have to ensure that newer, more favorable memories replace them." She turned around to face him.
"We were only there a week, but would you say you have fond memories of our London townhouse? "
William grinned widely. "I do at that. I may never be able to walk into my new office without blushing. See, you are blushing just thinking of it."
"That is not what I meant, and you know it. However, to that end, I ask you do you think the experiences and memories we forge together—"
"Whatever they may be," William interrupted and kissed her soundly.
"Whatever they may be, yes. Do you think what we forge together will be strong enough to eclipse the past? I do not think we can erase it and nor should we, but it will not best you. I hope you have not forgotten so readily the words you just said to me. We just need to remember that we are not alone. I will never let you falter when I am in any position to help you. I will be with you, William. We can make Pemberley a home again."
"Eighteen-year-old matrons are so wise." He kissed her again. "I shall now look forward to making memories with you that will dispel the past at Pemberley. However, my more pressing concerns are making memories just for us right now." He took her hand and led her down to breakfast, thus commencing their first day as the Darcys of Stillmeadow.
~~~Fin~~~
Author's Update: Folks in my PMs are asking for an epilogue. I'll try to post one later this week.
JLC, 07/23/2024
