I got a message the other day asking if I could write a sequel to 'You Know Who You Are' from Sharon's POV. I had actually been thinking about it since I wrote the first one, so the prompt helped me get it out of my brain. Most of it is obviously different from the original one, but the end dialogue is the same. I tried playing with it a bit, but it ended up not flowing the same way, so from "My love, come back to bed…" it's the same conversation. I did change some things that I wasn't too happy with in the original story, so it's been edited on the other chapter as well. Hopefully this did Sharon's thoughts justice! Reviews give me life, so please send them!
While I don't own them, I've decided that they're on an extended lease until my brain stops coming up with random things to write about.
The moment Mark Hickman stepped foot into her murder room, Sharon knew that whatever came out of his mouth next was going to be nothing but trouble.
"Andy. Still cheating on your girlfriends? How many you juggling now? You got both hands full?"
The look on Andy's face said it all and she wanted nothing more than to run and stand by his side to reassure him that what Hickman said was nothing but empty words that didn't matter to her. But all she could do was stand in her spot while Hickman continued. Unfortunately, this was one of those moments where she needed to be The Captain instead of his girlfriend, and she hoped that he'd pick up on everything her eyes were telling him. Everything she couldn't say out loud.
"Ignore him."
"I'm sorry."
"We're okay."
That needed to be enough. God, she hoped it was enough. She needs him to know that he is enough.
After Hickman left, things were still tense for everyone, and the work that needed to be done took precedence over everything. All she could do was give him the smile that she saves just for him, praying that he understands. Yes, this was turning out to be one of those times where she really hated having to be The Captain instead his girlfriend.
Hoping for any reprieve from the mess that is this entire case, she was looking to grab Andy and escape to the roof for a bit. Find a corner where no one could see them and kiss him senseless all while reminding him how much she loves him and how happy she is to be his. But there was no break and there wasn't a single moment she could steal for them. When she needed to get his attention for something work related, she opted for walking over to his desk instead of calling out his name. While they spoke, she scratched the short hairs on the back of his neck knowing full well what it does to him. He smiled at her, then turned his face into her hand placing a chaste kiss into her palm as a 'thank you' for knowing exactly what he needed. To her it was just another way to show him that she's okay - that they're okay. She'd do it again, and again, and again until he got it.
"Andy, don't get up. I'm glad to see that your charm hasn't withered with age."
That one stung him and Sharon knew it. She could read him better than anyone and the facade he was putting up was failing miserably. Sherry Hickman's words couldn't have been further from the truth though. She didn't know that Andy wakes up fifteen minutes earlier than Sharon, whether they're at his place or hers, just so he can have their coffee ready the moment she wakes up, and giving them the chance to relax in bed together before starting their day. Nor could she have known that Andy once woke up ridiculously early on the first Saturday they'd had off in ages just to get her car to his mechanic to give it a once over all because he heard a noise he didn't like and he didn't want her driving in something that wasn't safe. It turned out to be nothing but a few rocks stuck in the tire treads, but the car had never run better after he had his guy go over every square inch of it. Sherry couldn't have known that he did the same thing with Rusty's car the following week. She didn't know about the cups of coffee or tea, or even her favorite pastry from Marchetti's, that randomly appear on her desk just when she needs them the most. She'd also never know about the single rose in her favorite shade of lilac that magically appeared on Sharon's laptop accompanied by the note left beside it - My beautiful girl, I wanted to get enough flowers to let you know just how much I love you, but your office isn't big enough. Instead, let this single rose represent my heart. Just one. Just for you. All my love, Andy. And she'd never know that he did it on a random Tuesday just because the color reminded him of her. No, Sherry couldn't have known that Andy's charm didn't wither with age. It had simply gotten better and Sharon was the lucky one that he shared it with.
When Amy came back into the murder room from their interview with Sherry without Andy, Sharon immediately knew something was off again. Amy mentioned something about him needing a moment alone and going to wash his hands, and wasn't surprised in the least when her captain excused herself in order to go find him. A lot was being thrown at him personally and the difficulty of this case wasn't helping. Sharon hasn't seen him this unsure of himself in a long time and, quite frankly, she was worried. Leaning against the opposite wall from the restroom door, she would wait however long she needed just to make sure he knew she was there for him in every sense. She giggled at the startled look on his face when he first saw her, then smiled when she noticed the tension leave his body the moment she extended her hand towards his. She also felt him instantly melt and breathe what she was sure was a sigh of relief into her when she kissed him. Sure, she broke a rule, but it was hers to break. Making Andy feel better, feel loved, was way more important than the rules anyway, and she did it without having to say a single word. It's why she refused to let go of his hand as they began to walk back to the murder room and didn't let go until they were back at his desk.
They had a limited amount of time before heading out to the funeral for the young woman and her son, and Sharon knew that was going to be a mission in and of itself. So she took a moment to sit and gather her thoughts about how to make sure none of her people got hurt. Except she couldn't concentrate on the rollout at all. The moment she glanced over at Andy sitting at his desk, she knew he wasn't okay. It was his body, it was his face, it was his voice, but it wasn't her Andy. Her focus was split, which was something she rarely let happen. But the potential for Lieutenant Flynn making a mistake when he'd just been allowed back out in the field was there and the thought of losing her Andy because of it had her on edge. They needed to sit and talk, really talk, but this case was never ending and the exhaustion was starting to get to everyone. Sharon and Andy would have to wait. The Captain and her lieutenant had a job to do.
She knew he didn't mean to do it while in the tactical van, but kissing her on the top of her head as he got up was like second nature to him. It was just a thing he did whenever they were together. It started one day while they were out running errands. Rarely was she ever in heels outside of work, so their height difference was significant. It made him laugh when he realized how well she "fit" under him. "See, just another reason why we're so good together. You are the perfect height for me to just lean down and kiss the top of your head whenever I want. You have so much damn hair, I bet you won't even feel it." Except she did. Every kiss, every touch, every time he was near her, her body reacted to it. To him. And the tactical van was no different. It took everything in her to not yell out that she loves him as he left. Once again, The Captain had to win this round. She got him back for it though. The second they were back in the murder room she found him standing next to his desk reading over something he had just received and totally unaware that she was walking towards him. Taking advantage of his complete oblivion, she did what she always does when he's been a pain - she smacked him across the arm with the back of her hand. He smirked at her, knowing exactly what it was for, and knowing full well he deserved it. But then she smiled at him as she caressed his cheek with the backs of her fingers to let him know that he was forgiven. She decided that he deserved the reprieve with everything he was already struggling with.
When he came to her office, she knew he was there for more than just giving an update on the case. It was more than just needing that brief time alone together. It was more than just needing a hug - that connection. He needed her and she was more than willing to give him what he was asking for. She understood what it took for him to ask for that moment, especially with all that this case meant to the division and the entire LAPD, but there was more that he wasn't saying. He was hiding something from her, of that she was sure. She could tell by the look in his eyes. They were dark and distant, and if she were being completely honest with herself, she was scared because she felt like she was losing him to a force bigger than them. When she grabbed his tie, she hoped it would give him what he needed in order to open up to her, but he didn't. And when they were interrupted by her phone ringing, he walked away looking just as lost as when he came in.
"I don't like the way the past keeps popping up all the time and having to explain it to people." The moment Rusty said it, she instantly thought of Andy. Except Andy wasn't explaining anything. He wasn't saying much at all. "Tell me about it." Was all she said to Rusty in response. There really wasn't much else to say. The gravity of whatever Andy was struggling was starting to weigh her down, too, and the present was taking a huge hit from things that happened a lifetime ago, and that really no longer matter.
The thing that Andy seems to have forgotten is that she knows exactly who he was. Was being the key word. She's known him for over twenty-five years, spending over fifteen of them yelling at him for everything under the sun. She knows his secrets and how he can still struggle. She's the only person that really paid attention as he changed to be a better man, a better officer, a better father, and a better friend. He's one of the best people she knows, and she trusts and loves him more than even she understands. Seeing who he is now, knowing just how hard he's worked and continues to work to never be that guy ever again, is exactly why she fell in love with him. She has no intention on leaving him. On giving up on them. But has she reassured him enough? He's got to know how much she loves him, right?
On the heels of closing the biggest case in LAPD history, there was a celebration to be had. One of Provenza's weddings - with everyone hoping it would be his last. She hated how Andy kept repeating, "Which is why Provenza does it so often!" but his weird sense of humor was his way of diluting the tension. Well, that and making fun of her for how sappy she gets at weddings. She'd let him have his fun if it meant seeing him laugh.
Maybe it was the case finally being closed and them having the next five days off that did it. Or maybe it was the way they were finally able to be Sharon and Andy after days of being disconnected from each other. But Andy seemed less tense and it allowed Sharon to let go of the breath she'd been holding since Hickman walked into the murder room. He wasn't completely relaxed, but some of the light had come back to his eyes and at this point, she'd take what she could get until they were able to sit and talk.
The one thing she did notice was just how much he needed to touch her. Not in an overtly sexual way - although, she definitely wouldn't mind that as it's been way too damn long because of this case. No, it was a little more, dare she say, needy. It was grabbing a hold of her hand and holding it a little tighter. It was putting his arm around her and drawing her in closer if he felt her drifting too far. It was holding her as close as he possibly could when he whispered, "I don't deserve you." as they slow danced during the mini reception. That confused her and threw her off so much, it took her a second to respond. "Then take me home so I can show you that you do." The boldness of her words shocked him so much, all he could do was stare at her in awe. But when he saw the look in her eyes, accompanied by one of the most mischievous grins she's ever given him, he all but flung her over his shoulder to carry her out of the room. He wouldn't need to be told twice. They said their goodbyes, wished Louie and Patrice a lifetime of happiness, and made it back to the condo in record time.
Sharon woke up cold. Sure, part of it was the fact that she only had on his dress shirt instead of her pajamas. Stealing his shirts to wear to bed instead of her pajamas was her new favorite habit. His, too. But she was also cold because her personal foot warmer was no longer next to her. She was thoroughly convinced that his last name should've been 'Furnace' instead of 'Flynn' because of how hot he ran at night. She teased him the morning after their first night together because of it. "I'm glad we threw the blankets off the bed. Who needs them when I have you?" He followed it by telling her that he needed to be that hot because of her damn icicle toes. "Your feet being that cold should be illegal, Sharon!" They continued to tease each other. They laughed, they kissed, and spent the rest of the morning getting lost in each other the same way they did the night before. She had gotten so used to her personal foot warmer she started having trouble sleeping when they weren't together. So when she woke up without him next to her, and feeling the coldness of his side of the bed, she got worried. He rarely, if ever, woke up in the middle of the night, and he never, ever got out of bed. It didn't matter that it was three-thirty in the morning. Sharon was now determined to find him so that they could talk and work through whatever this mess was…together.
Sharon was somewhat relieved when she saw him sitting on the balcony, but the sight of him sitting there, shoulders hunched with his head in his hands broke her heart. At least he was still there. He didn't run from her. From them. He didn't move when she opened up the balcony door, and barely acknowledged her when she gently scraped her nails on the back of his neck. "My love, come back to bed. It's three-thirty in the morning."
"I'm sorry. I can't sleep, so I came to sit out here. Did I wake you?"
"My feet got cold, and when I went to look for my personal foot warmer, you weren't there." She shrugged and smiled as she sat down next to him, laying her chin on his shoulder. When he didn't complain about her cold feet, or even say a word about her silly joke, it made her worry even more than she already was. This wasn't like him.
"Being a foot warmer seems to be the only thing I'm good for these days," he said with a shrug.
Something wasn't right. They talked about things that bothered them. They worked through everything together. Even if it hurts. Especially when it hurts. "Honey, please talk to me. I know something's been weighing you down and you are really bothered by it," she said while tangling her fingers in his. But that didn't last long. He released her hand and instantly shot up out of the chair, acting as if her touch burned him. "Andy, please don't shut me out…and please don't break my heart." The last sentence was barely a whisper. She doesn't even think he heard her.
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but the words didn't come out. Everything was right there in his head, but he couldn't form a coherent thought to save his life, and it was making everything worse. The moment he looked at her, his heart sank. She looked scared and heart broken, and the last thing he ever wants to do is break her heart. "I'm…I'm just…" Why was this so damn hard? This shouldn't be this hard. "I'm afraid that one day you're gonna wake up and realize that I'm the worst thing that's ever happened to you."
"The worst thing that's ever happened to me? Andy, why would you say that? Where is this coming from?" She asked as she got up to stand in front of him. It was then, when she saw one tear slowly streaming down his face, that she figured out exactly what was bothering him. "Is this about the things that Mark and Sherry brought up?" The look he gave her said it all. "Oh, Andy," she sighed. "You have to know that those things don't matter to me."
"But they should matter to you, Sharon! Every damn word they said is true! Maybe that guy is who I really am. I look in the mirror, and he's there. I close my eyes, and he's there. All I hear is him telling me that I don't deserve you. That I'll never be good enough for you and that you don't love me. The more I hear it, the more I believe it. He won't leave my head and I just want him to go away. I don't want to lose you over this. I can't lose you." He tried walking away from her again, but she was quick to grab a hold of his arm, absolutely refusing to let go. When he tried to turn away from her, she held on to his cheeks so tight, he felt just how hard she was trembling.
"Why are you believing a ghost instead of the person that's standing right in front of you?" It was a simple enough question. "He is, most certainly, NOT who you really are! I've met that guy. I promise you, he is nothing compared to the wonderful and beautiful man that I have completely fallen in love with. It's you that I allow into my home and around my children. It's you that I've happily brought into my bed, and it's you who has my heart. Not him. You know who you are. Do not let him win," she said before drawing him in for a kiss. When she pulled back, she made sure that he was looking directly at her again. "You want him gone? Tell him…tell him that your girlfriend carries a gun, and she has no problem using it." That got him to give her his goofy smile that she loves more than anything. The smile that she hasn't seen for a few days. "There's my Andy. Welcome back, handsome. I've missed you."
"I'm sorry for not coming to you sooner. I guess I wanted to see if I could work through this on my own. Not my brightest idea, huh?" She smiled and shook her head before letting him continue. "I love you so damn much, it actually scares me. Others left and tossed me out on my ass to figure things out on my own, and still refuse to believe that I've changed. Then there's you. You know it all, you've seen it all, and you were still willing to take a chance on me. On us. You stayed. So a part of me will always question why. Why me?"
"Because you let me play with your ties," she smirked. "And if you haven't figured it out by now, you are the love of my life, Andrew Flynn."
He heard her. For the first time in days, he finally heard her. Every doubt, every worry, every question he had about himself and their relationship was gone. "You are something else, you know that? Thank you, for loving me. For taking a chance on us."
"Loving you is easy, Andy. You've had my whole heart for the past three years and there is no one in this world that I trust more than you to keep it safe. I promise you, I'm not going anywhere," she said while pulling him back inside. "Well, except back to bed. Ready to sleep?"
"With you next to me, definitely. Just keep your damn icicle toes away from me!" As they settled back into bed, Andy reflected on the past few days, and their conversation. He hated that he doubted her, doubted them. But hearing her call him the love of her life was exactly what he needed to send that smug bastard staring back at him away for good. Her threatening to shoot him made it even better. "Just one thing."
"Hmm?"
"You said three years, but we've only been together for eight months."
"I did? Huh, imagine that," she said while snuggling against him. "Sleep, Andy. You're thinking too loudly. Goodnight, my love."
"Goodnight, babe." Then it hit him. Three years. The ties. She'd been telling him all along. "The love of you life, huh?" He mumbled in the back of her hair.
"The love of my life," she said while wrapping his arm around her. "And don't you ever, ever forget it."
