So, RT is doing the fan-content what now?
[S2] Radar Love & Armor Change
The modified military jeep was now in front of Red base. Most Reds were looking down at it from the roof. Sarge and Hanby worked on the Warthog as Flores lay on the wet grass beside it.
Fong: ALRIGHT! Whatdowegot?
Grif: …
Fong: …
Simmons: … What was that?
Fong: what was what?
Simmons: Y-yo-... Nevermind…
A silent pause stayed until 5 seconds later.
Patterson: Is it-
Grif: Is it just me-
Patterson: Oh, okay then.
Grif: Or does this jeep seem like really bad luck?
Simmons: Yeah. You know, now that you mention it, it does seem like every time we get into the damn thing it breaks, or goes crazy and tries to kill one of us.
Patterson: I-ii was wondering why only you three were called into action.
Simmons: Umm, guarding the base?
Patterson: Aren't we like 10-minus-1... 9,9 guys, And the warthog's like a four-seater now, right?
Simmons: Turns out, Grif isn't the only one who can occupy more than 2 seats.
Fong: Oh, Simmons' fighting back!
Grif: Oh shit. Wait, Hey fuck you man!
Wine: Hey…! Fuck I can't find a good counter, good for you Skinny Dick…!
Donut walked right beside Simmons.
Donut: Maybe we should try exchanging the jeep for a few motorcycles. No wait, wait! A big tank like the Blues have. That thing never seems to have any problems at all.
Patterson: Didn't that tank blow up, wait, didn't you blow it up?
Fong: So Wine, how's the new armor going for you?
Wine donned with the armor of Hanby, a dark shade of red; Wine. Was now irritated.
Wine: Oh fuck off, Chingus!
Fong: Hey, not my fault you lost a bet with Hanby! Besides, That color totally fits you, matches the name to Wine, with the color Wine. I mean you almost missed the name match? L-like a Death Ray, but instead of killing people, It just scans price tags!-
Grif: -Who names their kid; Death?-
Fong: O—or like me without the yellow, and was using something analogous to it!
Simmons: Are you still going on about that?
Fong: YES!
Wine: (muttered) Yeah, Like that's gonna make me feel fucking better.
Grif: Why did you even bet with him in the first place? Like seriously, bet him you won't get blown up with the Warthog? It was a landmine that wasn't even properly covered up, and you stepped on it.
Simmons: Speaking of which, what did Hanby do to the armor anyways, I don't see him wearing it?
Wine: Hey Fuckby!
Hanby's head popped out of the Warthog's engines. Now with his armor colored in a brighter shade of red; Candy.
Hanby: Yeah whut?
Wine: The fuck did you do to my armor?
Hanby: You mean MY armor.
Wine: You know what I mean bitch, where is it?
There was a 3 second brief pause till Hanby answered.
Hanby: …I broke it down.
Wine: What!?
Hanby: Yeah, It really didn't fit well with me so I just broke it down, used it for a better aim, yaknow?
Wine: Are you fucking kidding me! Y-you didn't even just bother to give it back to me?!
Hanby: Too late, Didn't give a fock, That design looked shit; like seriously it felt like i poured bleach on me fuckin' eyes man.
Wine: You FA-
The Warthog's "HONK" Was louder than before.
Wine: -OT!
Sarge: Woops, Gotta turn that a little bit higher!
Hanby: Besides, That Armor looks good on ya!
Grif: Even Hanby agrees… You should give up, And hey, maybe there was a real reason why you're here.
Wine: B-but you don't get it, I-i, I was born to be-...
Simmons: Yeah yeah, You were part of a super-soldier project, they messed up, you have half the DNA of a pig and now cut to present day your here, with us-...
Donut: -The greatest team that ever lived!
Patterson: "Greatest" Is a bit loose, putting it lightly.
Wine: Not the fucking point! I was like born into that thing, they honored me with the armor, they-.
Wine proceeds to mumble into incoherence as Fong grunted.
Fong: Great, Wine wearing the color wine is now whining like a little pig, better pour some wine before he finishes.
Fong walks away. While Wine mumbles like a maniac.
Donut: Oooh, Pour me some too!
Meanwhile, with the Blues of Blood Gulch. Church stood tall beside the sparking remains of Sheila the tank engi- tank, j-just tank.
Church: Alright, that's the deal, Mister Robot. You fix our tank, we'll let you go free.
O'mally: Your Freedom is a myth!
Caboose: (whispering to the other Blues) Wait, I thought the plan was to trick him into fixing the tank and then Church will take over his body again when he is done.
Tucker: Yeah, but you don't tell the person you're tricking what's going on Caboose.
Nogla: So just gaslighting?
Barrus: No, just lying… J-just normal lying.
Jon: So if we're the ones being tricked, then you would not tell us what is really going on?!
Tucker: Why would we trick you?
Caboose: Oh, We think you know.
Lopez: ¿Dónde voy a ir? Mis amigos querían matarme.
[Where will I go? Even my friends have tried to kill me.]
Church: Okay, I'm gonna take that as a yes
Barrus: That was a very long yes-.
Church: -and let you get busy with the tank fixing.
Lopez: No tengo hogar.
[I have no home.]
Scott: I heard a NO, Somebody grab a taser!
Lopez: [Sorrows in Spanish]
Back in Red Base, Grif sat at the now unflipped Warthog with the group gathered around it. The yel-Orange armored fatman with a sniper rifle on hand, looked through Blue Base like a telescope.
Grif: Aw crap. Hey, uh, they got a guy fixing their tank.
Fong: Oh man, does that mean we gotta blow it up again?
The Ambered man Fong sat on the grass, took a sip on a glass of wine (with his helmet still on I might say) and grasped a grenade.
Sarge: Impossible! Our Intelligence clearly states-
Donut: We have intelligence?
Patterson: Who the fuck is our Intelligence?
Sarge: -that the only soldiers in this canyon with mechanical training are that dead Freelancer and Lopez. Oh wait a minute!
Hanby: Ohoooh, shiit.
Grif: What about that Sky guy?
Fong: Sky guy?
Grif: Yeah the Sky-Blue guy, , Saw him with a toolbox once.
Fong: … Huh, Shoot'em first!
Sarge: Deniably not, Intelligence has spoken that-
Patterson: Seriously Who the fuck is our Intillegence?
Sarge: -The private you mentioned, has had their mechanic role seized years ago!
Fong: … How long was he Private?
Grif: Real depressing if it's 5 years.
Patterson: Why 5 Specifically?
Sarge: Can it you 3.
Simmons: Sarge, Hanby, are you two thinking what I'm thinking? Lopez runs away, the jeep starts driving itself, and suddenly there's a new guy on the Blue Team?
Sarge: Yes, Simmons, We are. Quite obviously, the Blue Team has constructed some kind of diabolical mind control ray beam, that they used on Lopez and now he has to do their evil Blue bidding!
Grif hopped off the Warthog.
Grif: Or, since he's a robot, maybe they just reprogrammed him.
Hanby: Yeah, the mind-control beam's stupid, but I could come up with something that would make him return to his original programming.
Sarge: That's a great idea! Creating a frequency that can short circuit or blow up the mind control ray, returning Lopez back to his normal state, and rip the throats of the closest Blue in his vicinity! Hahah, Sarge, how do you do it?
Donut: Or maybe that Blue guy who got killed by the tank came back as a ghost, and now he's possessing Lopez's body. That could also explain why Sarge went nuts when we had the prisoner. The Blue ghost probably possessed him too. And the jeep going nuts was probably just a weird set of coincidences while the guy learned how to use Lopez's body.
Everyone looked at Donut with a very long brief pause.
Hanby: You sounded like a Senile Detective right there.
Patterson: I'm choosing the ray beam.
Simmons: Yeah, I think I like the ray beam idea better.
Fong: You made so much context that it was all out of context at the same time.
Grif: Yeah-heh, rookie, your idea sounds a little dumb.
Dotoooot- Back to the Blues, The transparent A-Ghost of Church looked at Lopez, the now cobalt heavy mechanic banging the tank with a comically large wrench. Behind Church was Tucker, Caboose, and Barrus. The middle of which was hopping like a mad rabbit (guess it's mating season eh?).
Caboose: Hurry hurry hurry, fix the tank! So that I can say hello to Sheila.
O'Malley: And start killing everyone!
Tucker: You mean all the Reds, right?
Caboose: Of Course!
O'Malley: For Starters…
Scott: Can you kill the orange one first? That fatass has always been bugging me.
Church: Come on, how much longer, Lopez?
Lopez: En un minuto.
[In a minute.]
Church: Can't wait for a minute bud-.
Cunningham: Hey guys, I'm back.
Barrus: Oh my God!
Tucker: Jesus christ.
Church turned around to face Cunningham, the Cobalt Ghost was now in surprise at the sight.
Church: What the fuck dude? Clean your ass up!
Cunningham, with his once light color of blue; Olympic, was now covered in blood and gore, entrails hang around his shoulders like a scarf, and old broken blue helmet was now replaced with a bland white one, which was also covered in blood.
Cunningham: What?
Scott: The hell happened to you?
The original Olympic looked around himself, realizing his gory mess of armor.
Cunningham: Oh, right… The delivery guy gave me the wrong helmet and…
Church: So you fucking killed him?
Cunningham: … Anger issueees?
Jon: You look like my normal Saturday evening.
Barrus: What?
Delirious What Counter: 2
Cunningham: Look, it was in the heat of the moment, okay?
Tucker: And by the heat of the moment you'd thought of just butchering the guy?
Cunningham: Yeah, kinda' lost my cool…
Church: … Riiiiighhhtttt… Just, j-just clean yourself up.
Cunningham: Ye-yeah, Oh right before I could get cleaned up, Before the delivery guy… uhhh, died, he mentioned some agent, named; 407…?
Church: An agent huh?
Barrus: Just agent, no mentioning that they're Freelancers?
Cunningham: Nope, just agent and numbers.
Nogla: Maybe it's a codename!
Church: Agreeing with the dumbass aside, for now we should take care with the Reds, and you; (motioned to Cunningham) Go already, You smell like shit, that rolled down the dumpster and set on fire.
Cunningham: But, you can't smell-
Church: I can feel it!
Cunningham: Alright, alright.
Tucker: Looks like we got another mystery on our hands.
Scott: Yeah… Another mystery…
As the bloody Olympic blue walked and left, his footsteps, messy with stains of drenched blood. A specific light colored blue, nobody noticed him fidgetted his magnum, luckily nobody noticed … The Cobalt Brown Robot jumped.
Lopez: Completo.
The Tank started.
Church: Finally.
Sheila: Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank.
Nogla: Oh wow, she can actually talk.
Jon: Yep, Still sounds like a beautiful shell ready to hit a pile of flesh.
Caboose: Sheila! You're fixed! You're fixed!
Sheila: Hello, Private Caboose. It is good to see you again. Thank you for repairing me.
Tucker: He didn't fix you. Our robot did it.
O'Malley: Don't cock block me!
Tucker: Dude, come on.
Scott: Yeah, our robot over here. (gestured to Lopez)
O'Malley: Stop it!
Sheila: Robot? I wasn't aware that our squad was outfitted with a robot.
Lopez and Sheila slowly make eye contact, Cue some romantic harps or somethin'.
Caboose: I don't like where this is going.
Barrus: I kinda like where this is going.
Jon: Where is this going?
Nogla: This is going.
Sheila: Hello there. My name is Sheila. The M808V Main Battle Tank.
Lopez: Y yo soy López, el Pesado.
[And I am Lopez, the heavy.]
Sheila: Lopez, what a nice name for such a nice soldier. You have such excellent motor skills.
Scott: Oh shit, She's a flirt!
Caboose: Umm, yes! Well, Lopez has to go now. He was just here to help me fix you and now he has to go AWAY.
Barrus: Oh come on Caboose, don't be a hopeless romantic.
O'Malley: I will wear your entrails, Like that blood soaked one did to the delivery boy!
Tucker: Dude, this is getting weird. Church, will you take your fucking body back?
Church: Roger that.
Church entered Lopez (I feel like there's an innuendo here.)
Lopez: No! Heauegerkergerk!
[No! Heauegerkergerk!]
Lopez sparked.
Jon: Wait, why was that captioned?
Tucker: What?
Delirious What Counter: 3
Scott: You okay in there, Church? Church, hey what's going on? Does Tucker need to flip your switch again?
Tucker: Say "Hrgk!" If yes, read the bible in Japanese if yes.
Church reappeared beside Tucker.
Church: What the-? That wasn't me. What the hell's going on here?
Tex: Well, buenos dias, cockbites. Guess who's back?
Tex returns, from the body of Lopez the Heavy.
Rate this heavily, This is the only chapter I might have put heart into it gahdamn, hopefully I can put heart into the next chapters as well,
Anyways; Good luck
