"Where is *********? Is he skipping tonight?" Jacob carefully holds the space hamster while Ken installs a complex setup of multicolored tunnel tubing. That is one spoiled rodent.

"He messaged me earlier confirming he'll be back. I should send him a text just in case. He's not familiar with galactic time zones" Shepard draws out his omnitool. A moment passes then a monolithic black krogan appears behind Shepard, freighting the commander.

"JESUS! Don't scare me like that. Why are you in your krogan body?" Shepard asks.

"I like how it feels. More masculine and powerful" I flex my undeveloped muscles.

Grunt's interest is piqued "why's that? Oddly enough, you're weaker as a krogan."

Zaheed asks "how the bloody hell would you know?"

I answer "for fun we spared. It's because of two reasons. First, I'm not used to moving around as a korgan and second, when I transform into another race, I have the baseline. This body has never undergone any physical movement that would have built up these muscles. If I want to get stronger, I'll have to work out all over again and I'm most used to a human body." I sit down between my Cerberus clan brother and Garrus, who is distracted by something obviously important on his omnitool. The combined weight breaks Shepard's couch. "Sorry I'll fix it."

"We can worry about it later. How was the tournament?" Shepard offers me chips from a large bowl. My large reptilian mitts grab a handful, which is close to half the bowl. "Sorry I forgot. We got to the semifinals somehow and I had a lot of fun. This was in my human body. Afterwards I changed. It can be interesting seeing how others treat you when you're someone else. Life as a krogan is different. People are intimated. The racial discrimination is subtle. Was it because I'm a korgan or black. Oh hey Jacob, what is up my nig-"

"NO!" Jacob's palm insulates the little critter from the deafening shouts.

"Let me say it. I can turn into a black man if you want."

"Don't even cross that line." Jacob warns.

"Fine. Jeez I manumit your ancestors after I won the civil war, and this is the thanks I get? No good deed goes unpunished. The matrix really detests people with high vibes. What did you guys do while I was gone?"

"We helped Jack out with her problems." Shepard said.

I ask "which ones? She has a lot. I'm trying to get her to work on them."

Zaheed answers "that little fire pistol found that blasted hell hole she grew up in and we did what he had to."

Grunt comments "what she went through, I'm not sure a krogan would survive."

Garrus mutters "spirits bless her."

"You'd be very shocked at what you can survive if you have to. Dang! I missed her loyalty mission as well? That leaves Thane and Legion and who else?"

"Legion?" Shepard asks.

"Let me finish my train of thought please. Hmm… I think that's it, assuming we don't do the DLC missions."

"So, we wait now for the collectors to make a move?" Jacob taps the plastic cage.

"Pretty much. Despite my immortal timespan, it feels a little too long for the collectors to not made their move yet. What iy has been a couple months right Shepard?"

Garrus comments "War is a marathon not a sprint. They'll make their move when it's advantageous for them."

"Still my gut is telling me something is off. Oh well that is future *********'s problem. You doing alright G? You look tense."

"My mother's health is declining. This disease goes up and down. Oh, by the way, those methods to lower inflammation helped her a bit. Thanks for that. Right now, I'm talking to my family." I feel bad for Garrus. If I could cure her I would.

Jacob returns the little fluffball to his remodeled home. "Hopefully she'll turn around. Miracles happen everyday."

Ken asks "Is there really nothing to do now?"

"Yeah, it feels weird. Well did you get the ship upgrades Shepard?"

"I got everyone I could think of, and ones suggested to me. The Illusive Man doesn't like the bill, but what is he going to do?"

"The money he saves having me as a roommate will cover it."

The commander titters " As hilarious as that is, he requested that I ask you to stop."

"Fine. I had my fun. Where's Mordin? He wants to research how my abilities affect element zero and the mass effect."

"That reminds us, could you make a ton of it for us? It would be a huge help." Zaheed asks. I get the sense he's not asking for the betterment of the whole.

"Okay… since it's just an element I only need the number of protons and I can make it here and now."

Jacob turns and lectures me "Scientists do not know for sure. The nature of element zero makes it difficult to study. It is believed to have an atomic number above 150. Although some theorize it could be a different species of a lighter element."

I scrunch my turtle face "A different species? What are you talking about?"

"Didn't you go to school?" Shepard asks me.

"Hey hey, early 2000's education. That tells you how bad it was. What do you mean by species?"

Garrus notices I have no idea what we're discussing and elucidates "When the citadel government began mining on other planets closer to the galactic center, they found differences in elements that could not be accounted for by traditional isotopes. We call them species because they have the same number of protons but something else at their core. It is like neutrons but different, that can give them new properties. They are very rare, and research is incredibly limited."

"There's alternative elements?!" I forgot how it feels to be this surprised. "Oh, I have got to study that!" The scientist in me is reawakening.

"Must be very exciting for you, especially since you didn't have element zero in your time. It must feel like a medieval man walking into a city with electricity."

"It does. I rarely go into future universes. It's hard to get a job when you don't have a valid form of ID. That's why I tend to fantasy universes, plus I can use my powers to amaze the locals who will either revere me or start a fight."

"You paint quite a picture. Hey *********, we know you don't like talking about universes incredibly similar to our own, but we are curious" Shepard trails.

"Yes?" '_'

"Are there any universes where I'm the president of earth?" Shepard asks.

"Is there one where I date a super model?" Garrus asks.

"Not sure but in the game, it's possible for Shepard and you to date" I savor the awkwardness I create.

"I should mention Shepard was a woman" can't be too mean.

Zaheed utters "you mean this one isn't?" The spectre shoots him an angry scowl.

"Hehe, nice try. I don't like humans like that" Garrus said.

I throw my hand up and project my memory of sexy brunette Shepard talking with Garrus.

"This is the game? The graphics look really old" Jacob said.

"I look fantastic and dashing as always" the haughty archangel said.

"What is that weird thing at the bottom?" Shepard asks.

"It is the dialogue wheel. It is how you interact with the characters. Different choices leading to different outcomes" I explain.

"...I had reach. She had flexibility" Video game Garrus said.

"I remember this story. It happened before you came aboard *********" Shepard said. My eyes are glued on Garrus. He looks at me curiously before returning his attention to my memory display. The boys gather around. It's weird Ken only makes sexist remarks when Gabby is near. No female Shepard has a nice tatas or anything from him. I whisper to Jacob "another you is hitting that up somewhere." No reaction.

"What I thought you liked brunettes. Didn't you date Miri?" I ask.

"We started dating again. Now that she can have kids, we are trying again. It's been challenging. Miranda is a good woman, but it's been a years since we broke up and we both changed. It's like does the counter go back to zero. Where exactly are we?" He said.

"The rule is for every year you've been apart, subtract one month for how long the relationship was. When you get into centuries apart, then the counter resets."

Ken adds "That's actually really good advice. You both still know everything about each other so there's no point in resetting, but time drifted you apart. Wait I think something is happening."

"Why don't we skip to the tie breaker. We can test your reach and my flexibility" SheShepard sexily curls her lip. My God, Garrus is blushing so hard.

"Oh I didn't hmm… I didn't know you had a thing for men with scars" Videogame Garrus said. All the guys are laughing hysterically at the rosy cheek turian.

"You are so smooth" Shepard joins in on the fun. I shut down the display.

Garrus attempts to regain his composure "... Shepard…. Do you have a sister?"

"Didn't have a thing for humans huh?" I laugh with the utmost joy and a huge wide smile.

"If you think this is crazy, wait till you see this. People loved this" I throw up the various Garrus calibrating memes and fan videos. This makes him cringe. HEHEHEHA!

"Oh spirits. Did your people not have anything better to do?' Garrus buries his face into his hands. I slap the back of his armor.

"Nope! I and everyone else take extreme satisfaction in busting archangel's balls.