AN: Ok, I was so not going to write a continuation of the Chicago P.D and Chicago Med season finales a year ago but here it is. I started this a few days after the season finales aired (9 and 7) and then I didn't have time to finish it before the new seasons aired and now even those are finished. Since it's very different from what the writers came up with, I didn't know whether to post or not at first but here we go. I did pick up the storyline with the new Chief and Chapman to some extent. Oh, and I am keeping Miller as Deputy Superintendent because I really like her.
Chicago PD
Scars
OOOOOO
"Scars. Everybody's got them. They might be physical or mental or both but they all have one thing in common; they hurt like hell."
Chapter One
Is this the end?
When Sergeant Hank Voight staggered and fell - after taking a bullet to the upper corner of his chest - the pain that had followed had been excruciating. However, it was nothing compared to what grief was doing to him now as he stared down the slack and bloodied face of his dead CI; Anna Avalos.
He was pumped up on adrenaline and fueled by a rage he hadn't allowed himself to feel in a very long time and that were probably the only two reasons he was still standing.
He had failed his CI, his team and even himself. To him it didn't matter whether or not they struck gold out there in the field. Bringing Los Temidos to justice was a good thing - hell, it would make headlines on the news - but it didn't bring Anna back. She had a little boy for heaven's sake and acting the way he had he'd just made sure the kid would grow up as an orphan. It was his fault; he pushed her over the edge.
Hank was tired, filled with self-reproach, a sense of loss and – strangely - a feeling of loneliness. He remembered telling Erin a long time ago that he had switched something off inside so that he could continue policing the way he felt it had to be done. He had said the same thing to Hailey years later. However, what he hadn't said to anyone was that he was afraid to open that door to the back of his mind where he'd stored all the terrible things that he had left raw and unprocessed. He had it all bottled up inside. Everything from the shooting of his father and the murder of his son to his CI's rising anxiety and panic as her shaky fingers closed around the trigger as she was finally pushed over the edge, leading to him being shot and to her own demise.
"Sergeant?" a voice called kindly.
He felt a hand on his naked shoulder.
"Hank?" Maggie called, trying to break through the sea of up roaring emotions that rushed through his mind. "Come on now. Why don't you come over here with me?" she tried.
He froze, previous events resurfacing in his mind, taking him back to the intersection. "Anna, I can fix this. Come with me."
"That bullet needs to come out before it does any more damage," Maggie reasoned as she gently tried to steer him towards a gurney.
"You and me till the end." His own words echoed in his head.
He swallowed; his mouth dry. He wasn't ready to leave her – not yet.
"Who was she?" the nurse asked carefully.
"My responsibility," he whispered sadly, his voice filled with remorse.
"I am sorry, Hank. But we need to have a look at your gunshot wound," she eyed it carefully, noting thankfully that the medical strip was still holding firm against the pressure of the blood flow.
He nodded absentmindedly as he gently ran his hand over Anna's jet-black hair one last time.
OOOOOO
Watching from a slight distance Jay and Hailey remained silent; each of them lost in their own thoughts and raw emotions.
Hailey felt revulsion but she wasn't sure whom she blamed the most; herself or her sergeant. She had told him she couldn't do it one more time. She had been close to her breaking point the last time something like this had happened; when she'd been caught up in that Roy Walton mess. Her eyes clouded over as her mind took her back to a darker place; a place she had tried desperately to forget for over a year. Back to that semi-dark garage where Voight had cornered Walton, torturing him in order to get information about their missing friend and colleague; Kim Burgess.
She shuddered as she recalled the look in Voight's brown eyes, he had shut down all his emotions except anger and it became painfully clear to her that Roy Walton wasn't going to survive the night. Now, Walton had shot Kim Burgess, point blank, his intent clear – to murder her. However, it didn't make it okay for Voight to kill Walton to rectify his actions. It was crossing the line and you could only cross the line so many times before there was no going back; before the lines got blurred. The irony of it all was that Voight had cautioned her about it several times; telling her that she should leave things to him to sort out so the rest had a clean slate.
Hailey didn't need him to shield her; at least that's what she thought. After all, she was the one who'd gotten Darius Walker killed, getting revenge on him for taking the life of her CI. She hadn't been afraid to bend the rules a little bit to make sure the 'right' guys ended up behind bars. However, this time, seeing the behavior practiced by someone else, by someone she respected; realizing to what extent he was prepared to go made her skin crawl and bile rise in her throat. She had tried to diffuse the situation - to save them all - only to be forced to kill Walton to save Voight. She hadn't slept for weeks after that and she couldn't keep her food down for days, her emotions were raw and her nerves frayed. She could tell no one - that was the deal - and it nearly killed her to keep it all bottled up. She did it to save her family; to keep Intelligence together.
The team had become like a family to her and Jay had become so much more along the way. It may be a dysfunctional family but a family nevertheless and she never intended to sever the bonds she had formed over the last couple of years. However, the days when she'd looked up to her sergeant, the days she had been convinced he was untouchable - even unbreakable - were gone. When she looked at him now, seeing him from a distance, she saw a human with wounds not only to the body but to the soul. She knew he'd paid dearly over the years; losing his wife, his son and Al - one of his best friends - and several good CIs. Even though he had been staggering at times, maybe even fallen, he'd always gotten back on his feet – this time however, she wasn't so sure.
Unaware, but not unable to guess what was on his wife's mind, Jay Halstead had his own share of the burden. Working with Voight was a blessing and a curse all at once. The man never did anything half-way. He was like Superman, bouncing back from whatever was thrown at him. However, as Jay looked at the man now, he didn't see the confident, cool and calm-under-pressure sergeant he was used to seeing. He saw a broken man, a man who seemed to have aged ten years in ten seconds, a man who'd finally reached his limit.
Jay involuntarily went down the memory lane, remembering his first year with Voight. He had been shocked by his raw methods. He'd tried to talk to Antonio about it but he'd said to learn from him and - considering the differences between Voight's and Dawson's methods and personality types - that was the last thing he'd expected to hear.
Over the years Jay had come to respect Voight and when he didn't like what his sergeant was doing, he voiced his opinion and stood up for it. There had been moments when he had seriously doubted his superior's methods. There had been times when he'd lost faith in him but in the end, he'd always come around. Like he had told Voight once; he was good for the city. At one point he'd been surprised at the length he had been ready to go in order to save his boss and how much of his own beliefs he had been ready to sacrifice for him. Maybe he had been naïve when he'd thought he would be able to save the man from himself a couple of months ago but he so desperately wanted to try. He couldn't allow Agent North to bring his boss down.
Jay knew that if Voight was removed, the intelligence unit would either be disbanded or rearranged and that what they had - Kim, Adam, Kevin, Hailey and him – would be lost. Jay considered them his family and that was something he would fight for till the bitter end to keep intact. However, right now, he wasn't sure Voight would be able to pull himself together and throw himself back in the game. He shook his head suddenly and turned to Upton.
"We had Escano right up until the end," he said, his voice low. "Why did it go down like this?"
Hailey closed her eyes and sighed. She was tired, emotionally drained and spent. It was her bullets that killed the woman on the bed before them, nothing was going to change that. "It was a good shoot," she whispered.
Jay sneaked his arm around her shoulders. "Of course, it was. Don't let anyone tell you anything else," he assured her softly.
She grimaced ever so slightly.
He eyed her with concern. "Hey. How is your head? Are you sure you are alright?"
She was just about to reply when there was a commotion in the trauma bay. They turned their heads as Voight stumbled and Maggie gently reached out to support him. Despite their differences in opinion from time to time with their superior officer, the two younger detectives rushed forward to steady their boss, having his back, just like they always had. It was a natural instinct, they didn't think about it, they just acted.
"We've got you, sarge," Jay reassured him as he glanced from Voight to Hailey.
She nodded and gently slipped her hand around the older man's bicep, steadying him.
"I am sorry," Voight whispered.
Jay was unsure whether he was still talking to Anna or if he was apologizing to him and Hailey. "Sarge, you need to follow Maggie's orders now and do as she say so they can treat you," he reasoned.
"Doesn't matter," he replied dejectedly.
Ethan Choi, who'd just gotten back from his father's funeral, rushed into the room. "Maggie, what's going-" he trailed off as he realized whom was standing next to her; parts of the elite team from CPD. 'Like they hadn't had enough excitement while dealing with the various teams of the Chicago police department lately', he thought with a sigh. However, one look at a dejected and bloodied chief of the intelligence unit sparked him back into doctor mode.
"Sergeant Voight," he began and was rudely interrupted as the rest of the team burst into the room.
"Holy crap," Atwater mumbled as he stopped just inside the room.
"Damn, sarge!" Ruzek called worriedly, trying to get a grip of the situation.
Burgess remained silent for a moment, studying her boss, trying to assess his condition. If anything, he looked heartbroken and angry all at once and there was something else written all over his face - something she'd rarely seen - hopelessness.
"Sarge, are you alright?" Kevin asked carefully, ready to step in and support the smaller man too.
"Shit," Adam muttered as he noticed Anna on the bed next to them and took a step back.
"Anything?" Voight managed through clenched teeth, trying to deflect the unwanted attention from himself and back to their case. 'They should know better than this. Hadn't he taught them to always focus on the case?'
"We've got them, sarge," Kevin reassured him. "Los Temidos is going to unravel in front of us."
"We found one hell of a load of dope," Adam filled in. "Enough to supply half the city for weeks."
Choi, who had studied his patient since his arrival only a minute ago, didn't like what he was seeing. While Voight - by some miracle or sheer stubbornness - still stood upright, the man did have a bullet lodged beneath his collar bone somewhere. Ethan didn't know where it had attached itself, for all he knew it might shift position and follow the flow of blood into his patient's heart at any second.
"Okay, I really need you all to hang back," he ordered in a voice that left little room for discussion. Then he grabbed the usually gruff sergeant by his arms and tried to make eye contact with the man as he all but pushed him toward the bed. "Sir? You need to lie down."
Maggie and the two orderlies nodded at him to let him know they'd follow his lead.
Voight resigned and did as he was told although he was still emotionally numb from losing his CI. He didn't really care about what happened to him at the moment.
"Pulse is rapid and thready," Maggie reported seriously. "Heartbeat is erratic."
Choi nodded darkly, he knew there was no exit wound so this wasn't a through and through. Voight didn't seem to have any trouble using his arm so the bullet hadn't caused any damage to nerves and tendons but the amount of blood he'd lost was somewhat disturbing. "I need and x-ray, stat," he hollered as Marcel slipped into the room.
The surgeon made a quick visual assessment, noticing that the patient was awfully pale and getting paler for every second. He threw a hasty glance at the x-ray for confirmation. "Bone fragments," he said. The bullet is lodged in the second rib."
"The patient's movements have most likely caused the fragments to damage an artery."
Voight suddenly gasped then set his jaw, clenching his teeth.
"Shortness of breath," Maggie reported.
"The fragments are sharp, they are cutting into the lung," Choi called.
Marcel pursed his lips into a thin line. "No time to waste. Call up to the surgical floor, have them prep a room, tell them we're coming!"
OOOOOO
To be continued
