AN: this is a major rewrite of The Pickpocket. Same concept, but hopefully much better executed.

Chapter 1 — Somebody Else's Problem

Mermaid Quay, Cardiff

10, 20, 25, 35, 37 quid. I love Saturdays. 65 deg, sunny, and tourists. Wipe down these wallets with a moist towelette, plop em in one of the envelopes I keep in my backpack without actually touching it and voila, ready for deposit, also pretty much fingerprint free.

Living on my own isn't so bad really. It's definitely better than foster care. I've a nice set up in an unused storage room in the basement of a shop. Pay the caretaker a few quid a week to look the other way. He even covered the door with a shelf. I bet no one even remembers it's there. I come and go through the window.

I've got power, it stays warm enough, and I've got a bunch of blankets. Cozy. And all mine. Sometimes I do wonder why no one notices me coming and going, but I am pretty invisible, which definitely helps when picking pockets. Well, that and I just have a real knack for it.

It's like time slows down so I can be super fast, and my marks always seem to move just the way I need them too. Super fast, super invisible and super lucky, that's me. It's really exhausting though. I could get so much more if I didn't have to keep taking breaks. I can only get 2 or 3 before I get so tired I feel nauseous. Sucks.

A distracted looking businessman catches my eye. He's chatting away on his phone. Time for one more grab before dropping these off.

Huh, one of those old school police boxes is sitting in the Plaza. It wasn't there yesterday. No one is paying any attention to it. That's weird, tourists are always taking pictures of everything and poking their noses everywhere, but this definitely out of place box is being ignored.

I've dropped the wallets so I guess I might as well check out the box. The Box. That's what I'm going to call it. Give it some gravitas. It's not just a box, it's The Box. It just feels important enough for a grand name somehow. I don't want to look like a tourist though, so I've got to fly casual, like I'm just strolling past coincidentally.

But, someone else is headed in the same direction, a black man, 20's?, jeans, coat with some fur around the collar. I stop to tie my shoe. He's definitely headed straight for The Box. Change in plan. I keep walking, more slowly now, and watch him walk up to The Box and knock on the door.

A tall white guy, handsome I guess, wearing a blue tee-shirt, opens the door and lets him in after a brief conversation. Weirder and weirder. Two people will definitely fit; It's probably 5ft by 5ft. But… why? Maybe it's over a manhole and they're headed into a secret base. That'd be cool. Shit disguise for the entry though. And why did it just suddenly appear?

I know I should leave it alone, or at least watch from a distance. It would be safer, but I really want to see it up close. Really want to. Suspiciously want to? Maybe, but still… I can do this, just slide on up and sit against the back like I've been looking for a place to chill.

As I lean against it, I flinch. I felt something like an electric shock, but like in my brain. I didn't really hurt exactly, just shocking… hahaha. Leaning against it again it just feels a little tingly and warm. I rest my ear against the side, but I can't hear anything. So, two guys being silent inside a 5x5 blue police box?

Or it really is the entrance to a secret base.

"Should take another twenty four hours, which means we've got time to kill." Shit. Someone's left the box, sounds northern. How can I sneak away without being noticed? Just stand quietly and slowly move directly away from the box. I'm not here. You can't see me. Invisible.

"That old lady's staring" sounds like the Fur Collar Guy. Just keep moving away.

"Probably wondering what four people could do inside a small wooden box." and that's likely Handsome dude.

"What are you captain of, the Innuendo Squad?" Fur Collar Guy again. The what squad? "Wait, the Tardis, we can't just leave it. Doesn't it get noticed?" He continues. Tardis? Is that what The Box is actually called?

"Yeah, what's with the police box? Why does it look like that?" Blue Shirt is talking to someone else now. I'm starting to get far enough away that they're harder to hear. Good.

"It's a cloaking device." A woman. Okay, so there really were at least four people in there.

"It's called a chameleon circuit. The Tardis is meant to disguise itself wherever it lands, like if this was Ancient Rome, it'd be a statue on a plinth or something. But I landed in the 1960s, it disguised itself as a police box, and the circuit got stuck." And we're back to the Northerner.

So the Tardis is a ship. I can't, I can't quite wrap my mind around all this. A 5x5 ship that four people just walked out of. And that once landed in the 1960's and could go to Ancient Rome! Nope. Brain imploding. No way this thing can time travel. That's impossible right? Holy shit! A tiny time machine. I've got to get somewhere safe to keep an eye on these guys. I wonder if they're aliens.

I manage to catch Fur Collar say, "But that's what I meant. There's no police boxes anymore, so doesn't it get noticed?"

Northerner replies, "Ricky, … the human race… mysterious blue box slap bang in … do they do? Walk past it. Now, stop your nagging." Northerner was getting louder at the end of that. Are they moving in my direction now? Can't turn around to look, too obvious. Just keep going. I'll be able to get around a corner soon. Then I can run.

"What's the plan?" the Woman asks.

"We're going to go meet a pickpocket." Northerner replies.

Oh shit. Great. He's definitely referring to me. Maybe I can lose him. I start running as fast as I can, desperately looking for an escape route, but every possible one I see, I just know he's going to catch me. And now I'm getting nauseous. Great. Now of all times. And now my nose is bleeding, fun.

I'm so nauseous I end up stumbling and Northerner gets close enough to make a grab for my collar. Unfortunately he's not stupid enough to go for the backpack. I try to slip away. I imagine him letting go, and me just disappearing, but he doesn't. My knee and palms hit the ground hard, and he's still holding my collar.

Pulling me to my feet, and turning me around so we are face to well… not really face, more like chest. Anyways, tall Northerner's got a huge and just a little bit creepy grin, "Hello." He says with a little wave. He's got a hand on my shoulder now, instead of a grip on my collar. Progress I guess. "I'm the Doctor."

"Just the Doctor?" I manage to get out as I try to wipe the blood from my face.

"Yep." He replies.

Handsome dude pulls a handkerchief from his pocket and hands it to me, introducing himself "I'm Jack. Jack Harkness. Pleasure to meet you…" This gets him a look from the Doctor. "What? I'm just introducing myself." Jack says smirking. That was weird.

"Is this the girl we saw on the scanner?" Asks the Woman as she catches up, Ricky is a little further behind, out of breath. "Yep." the Doctor replies smiling, looking excited, rocking back onto his heels. Wait what? They were scanning me? From inside the Tardis thing I guess.

"You were scanning me? Why?" I ask. I can do this. I can manage to not throw up. Just concentrate.

"Was passing the time waiting for Mickey here to arrive. Thought I'd run some scans. Noticed some small time distortions in the area. Not big enough to be a problem really, but unusual. And you came up."

"Me? How? What are you talking about?"

"You're creating the time distortions."

"Me? You're mad."

"Yep, but I'm right." He says, flashing his crazy grin again

He inclines his head towards the Woman, "This is Rose, the idiot over there is Micky, and Jack's already introduced himself. So who are…"

He pauses, taking a closer look at me. Eye's widening, he lets go and takes a step back. I manage to take a knee and aim away from everyone as I empty my stomach. Jack puts his arm across my back holding me steady and the Doctor has a hold of the side of my neck, thumb against my cheek. He tilts my head up and waves a noisy pen light or something in my face. I open my mouth to tell him to get lost but he sticks something in my mouth. It melts almost instantly.

"That should help with the headache and nausea." He says, slowly rubbing circles on my cheek with his thumb. I catch myself leaning into the contact a little before abruptly standing up. "Thanks." I mumble.

"So, who are you then?" He asks softly, hand dropping to his side. I shrug, "I'm nobody." He straightens up, crossing his arms, giving me a very unamused look. I look up and just glare at him for a bit.

Eventually I concede the staring contest. Not because he's won though. I just, well, whatever, "I'm Sep, Sep Fields." I stick my hand out to shake his. "So very nice to be chased down and tackled by you, Doctor."

"Oi! I didn't tackle you, you tripped." He says, and instead of shaking my hand, he just grabs it and starts walking, dragging me along. Feels weird. Don't think I've ever walked along holding hands with anyone before. I try to tug my hand loose, but he won't let go.

"Alright then Sep, how about some lunch?" I look up and see him grinning like a maniac again. Who is this guy? Jack laughs and pats my back, and I can see he's grabbed my bag. Rose and Mickey are just behind us, whispering, probably about me.

We walk in silence for a while. Good thing too, I need to try to figure these guys out. The Tardis has got to be a time machine, making them time travelers. This Doctor guy says I'm creating 'time distortions' whatever that means. He's definitely the leader of the group. And if he's a time traveler he probably knows what he's talking about, but… how could I be doing that? I'm just a stupid street kid. It doesn't make any sense.

Still, he's an interesting guy. Oddly charismatic for all his huge ears and creepy grin. And whatever he gave me worked great. I already feel 100%. It didn't even taste bad.

Mickey, or maybe Rickey interrupted my thoughts, "What are you doing out here by yourself anyway? How old are you, 10?"

"Nice one Rickey. I'm 13 I'll have you know."

"It's Mickey." He says before shouldering past me, which gives me the perfect opportunity to see who he really is. I slip my hand into his back pocket as he passes by, and yes! He turns his hips slightly and at just at the right moment for me to make a clean getaway.

But I don't even get the wallet into my pocket before the Doctor has let go of my hand, and grabbed hold of my shoulders, turning me to face him.

"Don't do that." He tells me.

"I wasn't going to keep it." I shrug.

He lets go of one shoulder to tip my chin up so we're looking each other in the eye. It feels weird and uncomfortable, like he's searching for something inside me. "Hmmm." He mumbles, He turns my chin from side to side looking me over, then pulls out his pen light thing and buzzes it around my head. He's let go of my shoulder so I try to back away, but he just tightens his grip on my head.

"Still human."

"Always have been…" I'm done with these guys. Time to retreat and watch from a distance. I imagine him loosening his hold and turning away to talk to Jack but he doesn't. Instead he grabs my shoulder again and I hear him say, "Stop." but it's really weird, like it's a whole orchestra saying 'stop', so layered and odd and hard to ignore.

"Don't do, that, again." He says, but I still don't understand. I didn't DO anything. I don't feel very good again. Is that anti-nausea stuff wearing off already?

He lets go of my head, takes Mickey's wallet out of my hand and returns it. Meanwhile, I'm just standing here, breathing heavily. My stomach hurts and I'm tired and I just want to go home. I want to be alone.

"Go on and get a table, we'll be right there." I hear the Doctor say through the fuzz that seems to have surrounded my brain. I guess we've made it to the restaurant.

He walks me over to a bench in front of the building and tells me to sit. I feel a hand on my temple again, and I'm scared but I don't understand why, not really. I just want to get away and curl up in my blankets back where I'm safe.

"Shhhh, shhhhh. You're safe. I'm going to hurt you. You're safe. Relax… Good. Now breathe with me. In… Out… In… Out…" I try to breathe, but I just end up pulling my knees into my chest. I'm not crying, definitely not. A few seconds later the Doctor sits down next to me and starts rubbing my back.

"You're not human. I don't know what you are yet, but you're not human, at least not entirely." He say softly, still rubbing my back. "What you are is a very strong telepath." What? No. I don't know what people are thinking. I just want him to go away so I can go home. "I can help you, if you'll let me."

"But I don't… I didn't DO anything."

"People do what you want them to, don't they?"

I nod, and sort of shrug at the same time. People do what I hope they're going to do, I guess.

"That's you. You're making them do what you want. Controlling them. It won't work on me and I will stop you if you try it again." He says, somehow both threateningly and oddly gently.

"But I don't… I…"

"I know. Just try not to do whatever it is that you don't do right before people do what you want them to."

"I don't… I… I just want to go home."

"Hmmm. Let's have lunch first. You're scrawny." He says poking me in the arm. Wiping the tears from my face, I look up at him. He's mad. Completely mad. Only explanation.

He sighs, again. "Come on. Let's go. I'm feeling peckish."

Just before we go inside he stops and turns to me. "It's going to be okay. You're not alone anymore." Ha. Whatever. Alone is better. No matter how interesting the Doctor is, or how much I'd like to know what he's talking about, alone is… safer.

We've been at the restaurant for a while now. I'm gorging myself on a stack of chips as big as my head. Only stopping to nibble on a bit of chicken strip when the Doctor waves one in my face with the command to take a bite.

They've been telling each other stories about their travels. It sounds like Mickey doesn't travel with them. And Jack has had some adventures without Rose or the Doctor. Crazy adventures! These guys are definitely not boring.

"I swear, six feet tall and with big tusks." Jack exclaims.

"You're lying through your teeth!" protests the Doctor.

"I'd have gone bonkers! That's the word - bonkers!" Adds Rose.

"I mean, it turns out the white things are tusks and I mean tusks! And it's woken, and it's not happy." Jack continues.

"How could you not know it was there?" asks the Doctor.

"And we're standing there, fifteen of us, naked." Jack explains.

"Naked?!" Interjects Rose.

"And I'm like, oh, no, no, it's got nothing to do with me. And then it roars, and we are running. Oh my God, we are running! And Brakovich falls, so I turn to him and I say,"

"I knew we should've turned left!" Mickey steals the punchline.

"That's my line!"

"I don't believe you. I don't believe a word you say ever. That is so brilliant. Did you ever get your clothes back?" Rose asks Jack.

I watch the doctor grab a paper from a man at the next table.

Jack, oblivious, continues, "No, I just picked him up, went right for the ship, full throttle. Didn't stop until I hit the spacelanes. I was shaking. It was unbelievable. It freaked me out, and by the time I got fifteen light years away I realized I'm like this."

Turning the paper towards us, the Doctor says, "And I was having such a nice day." I don't understand what he's getting at, it's just a picture of the Mayor and yet another article about the nuclear power station that's being built.

Rose nudges me. "She's an alien. A Slitheen from Raxa… Raxacor… Wait a minute! Raxa…"

"Raxacoricofallapatorius." The Doctor says.

"Raxacorico…"

"... fallapatorius." the Doctor finishes.

"Raxacoricofallapatorius. That's it! I did it!" Rose says, finally getting it right. The Doctor smiles, Jack pats her on the back, and Mickey looks a little awkward. Feels like he's a bit of an add on and the Doctor, Rose and Jack are the friends.

"So, you want to go meet an alien?" The Doctor asks me.

"Of course!" I'll put up with a lot to see an actual alien.

"Just don't…"

"I get it, don't do whatever it is that I do that I don't know that I'm doing that makes people do things that I want them to do. Easy. Clear as mud." I say, rolling my eyes.

"Fantastic!" He says, grabbing my hand, again. What is it with him and holding hands. Apparently we're just going to walk up to City Hall and have a chat with the Mayor.

"So what's the deal with the Mayor? How do you know her?"

The Doctor looks over at me, "Her and her family tried to destroy the earth not too long ago. Had to blow up Downing Street to stop them."

"What! That was you?"

"Yup."

"So the Tardis, it travels in time and space?"

"How'd you figure that one then?"

"I was listening when you guys first left the Tardis. You said it camouflaged itself when you landed in the 60's and that you could have been in Ancient Rome. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out." I explain, making Jack laugh.

"Tardis, stands for Time And Relative Dimension in Space. She's my ship." The Doctor confirms.

"How are we even going to get in to talk to the Mayor? You can't just stroll up for a chat, can you?"

"With this." The Doctor says pulling something out of his pocket that looks like a leather badge holder and handing it to me. I open it but it's just a blank piece of paper.

"Psychic paper." he explains, not-explains.

As I'm wondering what psychic paper could be, the words "What is psychic paper?" appear. "Woah. How? What?" I say as I look up at the Doctor.

"Fantastic!" he replies, his huge and slightly creepy grin back.

"That's so cool." I say as I go to put it in my pocket. It's the kind of thing that would be REALLY useful to have. But he manages to snatch it back before I can. I'm definitely getting my hands on that later.

"According to intelligence, the target is the last surviving member of the Slitheen family, a criminal sect from the planet Raxacoricofallapatorius, masquerading as a human being, zipped inside a skin suit." Jack says as we enter City Hall.

"She's wearing a disguise? A skin suit? Gross. What does she actually look like? Is she a lizard? Something with a bunch of tentacles? An insect?" I ask.

"More like a huge green gerber baby with claws, very big claws." Rose explains.

Jack looks over at us. "Done?" I shrug. "Okay, plan of attack, we assume a basic fifty seven fifty six strategy, covering all available exits on the ground floor. Doctor, you go face to face. That'll designate Exit One, I'll cover Exit Two with Sep. Rose, Exit Three. Mickey Smith, you take Exit Four. Have you got that?"

"Excuse me. Who's in charge?" the Doctor asks.

"Sorry. Awaiting orders, sir." Jack replies, standing at attention.

"Right, here's the plan," he pauses, looks at me like he's considering whether I should go with him instead. "Like he said. Nice plan. Anything else?" I guess he figures he can track me down if I run. Or he's worried meeting the alien could be dangerous?

Jack pulls out his phone, "Present arms."

"Ready." "Ready.", "Ready.", "Ready.", "Speed dial?", "Yup.", "Ready.", "Check." They go around. It seems they've done this before.

"See you in hell." Jack says as he makes eye contact with me and heads off.

"Slitheen heading north." I hear the Doctor say over the phone. Along with "On my way." from Rose and "Oh my God." from Mickey before Jack answers, "Over and out."

Jack and I are sprinting down a hallway. "Watch out!" I call out just before a tea trolley moves into our path. Jack manages to leap over it, while I slip around the side. This is fun. As we exit the building I can see the Mayor running away, fiddling with something.

"Who's on exit four?" asks Jack.

Rose answers, "That was Mickey!"

"Here I am."

The Doctor says, "Mickey the idiot." making me snort.

"Oh, be fair. She's not exactly going to outrun us, is she?" Rose says as the Mayor disappears.

"She's got a teleport! That's cheating! Now we're never going to get her." Jack complains but Rose smiles, saying, "Oh, the Doctor's very good at teleports."

I'm laughing my ass off watching the Doctor and the Mayor play a strange game of tag. She runs away, teleports, the doctor teleports her closer and facing towards us, she turns around, runs away and teleports, and the Doctor teleports her back again. She's like Grover. This is near…THIS IS FAAAAAAAR!

"I could do this all day." The Doctor says. He's using the penlight thing again. Seems more like a magic wand really. I definitely need one of my own. Psychic paper and a magic wand, I'd be unstoppable.

"This is persecution. Why can't you leave me alone? What did I ever do to you?" the Mayor complains, coming to a stop in front of us, out of breath.

"You tried to kill me and destroy this entire planet."

"Apart from that."

Aliens, teleports, magic wands, time machines, who are these people?