Three days had passed since the incident at the frozen pond, and everyone was finally beginning to show signs of a promising recovery after the scare on the ice. The warm house smelled of simmering vegetable soup, hot chocolate, hot cider and peanut butter toast as Hank focused on helping his young son regain his strength after being sick with the flu. It didn't take too long for Cole to feel better after his nausea mercifully let up, but even so the little boy was restricted to the livingroom where Hank could continue to keep an eye on him and ensure that he was resting well, eating and keeping hydrated. Meanwhile, Connor's self-healing program had remedied his unusual core temperature changes after he replenished his depleted Thirium reserves while he lingered in the garage.
Cole was keeping himself busy with his missed homework while sitting on the pulled-out bed from the couch, unaware of anything else happening in the house. Sumo was curled up right beside him and watching over the little boy while Hank took the old sheets and comforter from the bed into the laundry room for a thorough wash after being used for three days straight. Despite being tired himself Hank couldn't bear the idea of his son getting sick a second time because of lingering bacteria in the used bedding.
Just as the man placed everything down in the washing machine and turned it on to begin the wash cycle, he heard a strange, muffled voice through the door connecting the laundry room to the garage. It sounded like someone was either in the middle of a physical struggle or an argument, but Hank could only hear one voice speaking and not two. Since the only person inside the garage at the moment should've been Connor, the senior detective had no idea who Connor was potentially talking to.
"What the fuck is going on there?"
Opening the interior door leading to the garage Hank peered inside the dim space and caught sight Connor laying on his cot and twitching in his sleep. He had never seen Connor look so human while sleeping since androids either slept while standing up or remained perfectly still while laying down. To see Connor actively lolling his head back and forth against his pillow and to see his arms aimlessly flailing about made the android seem more human than Hank was comfortable with admitting.
"S-Stop... Please." Connor whimpered as he fought back against an unseen foe in his sleep. His L.E.D. was a glaring red and pulsing erratically along with his racing heartbeat. "D-Don't... H-Hank!"
"I'm right here." Hank responded almost arrogantly as he stood in the doorway and watched Connor's invisible struggle. "What's wrong with you?"
Connor didn't respond to the questions as he remained lost in his bizarre nightmare. There was no denying that he was enduring a nightmare based on the way he was acting and speaking while seemingly still asleep.
"Don't hurt him!" The deviant android called out in a hoarse yet desperate voice. As he tossed and turned on the cot Connor became entangled in the blanket and seemed to be growing increasingly panicked by the second. "Hank! No! L-Look out..."
"Look out? Look out for what?" Approaching the cot Hank looked down at Connor and gave him an incredibly confused stare as he put his hand on Connor's shoulder. The heat radiating from Connor's shoulder and into Hank's palm was enough to make the senior detective fear that Connor was suffering from another error. "Connor, wake up, damn it!"
The sound of Hank's commanding voice prompted Connor to snap his eyes open and bolt upright in his cot in a near panic. Panting for his breath and trembling all over Connor struggled to gain his bearings and process everything that he had just gone through in a single dream. Turning his attention to his shoulder Connor eyed Hank's hand and then let his gaze trail up along Hank's arm and toward Hank's very confused face.
"...Ha- Lieutenant?" Correcting himself Connor seemed to be genuinely surprised to see Hank standing beside his cot. "Is... Is something wrong?"
"You tell me. You were freaking out, screamin' my name and it feels like you're about to burst into flame." Moving his hand from Connor's shoulder to his forehead Hank tried to check and determine if the android was overheating again, but Connor flinched and ducked away from his hand. "Easy! I just want to see if you're glitching or overheating or something."
"I-I'm all right." Lying between his breaths Connor scooted back and away from Hank as he tried to nonchalantly cover the red glaring L.E.D. in his right temple. "I was enduring an unexpected... bug in my rest mode."
"What kind of bug makes you panic and scream? Hm?"
"It... My rest cycle allows my memorybank to back-up all important memories for future reference." The explanation seemed unnecessarily complicated, but Connor just wanted to get Hank to back off for a moment and leave him alone. "Those memories can be compared to that of a human dreaming, and in my case the chosen memories were of an unpleasant variety. I inadvertently had a very strong reaction to what I had seen."
"Bad dream, huh?"
"Yes. I believe it's what you'd refer to as a nightmare."
"A nightmare about me." Hank sharply noted as he watched the reactions on Connor's face and body language very closely. He knew that the android wouldn't be able to lie to him about anything, despite having strange behaviors that seemed to emulate genuine emotions from time to time. "What was I doing to you? Throwing you around or punching you, something like that?"
"You weren't doing anything to me."
The levelness of Connor's voice and the way he refused to blink confirmed that the android was telling the truth. "Then why were you freaking out and screaming? That's not normal unless you had a nightmare of a seriously fucked up nature."
"Because... My nightmare revolved around something unfortunate happening to you. Something I couldn't prevent." As he confessed the truth Connor felt as if he was tempting fate by even mentioning the events of the alternate timeline. That was the last thing he wanted to do under any circumstances. "It was very upsetting."
"And what was that?"
Flashes of Hank's murder still danced before Connor's eyes even as he tried to block out the memories. "Please, I'd rather not discuss it."
"Well, why not? It's just a nightmare, right?"
"...Yes, but even so, it's a very unpleasant topic of discussion."
"Then let me ask you this;" challenging the android's claims Hank's detective instincts went off and he picked up on an interesting detail that Connor seemed to be purposely omitting. "you said that your dreams revolve around your memories. So how can you have a bad memory about me when nothing really bad has happened to me since we first met?"
"I..." Trailing off Connor looked away from Hank as if ashamed of himself as he kept his secret to himself. Letting Hank know of the murder would confirm that Connor was attempting to alter the future and had already succeeded by preventing Cole's own untimely death. "I cannot tell you that."
"I think you should." Needing to know why Connor was so freaked out kept pushing Hank to push Connor into talking about what he had dreamed. "After all, you're having pretty fucked up nightmares about me and I deserve to know why."
"If I tell you, it'll only upset you and give you all the more reason to... dislike me."
Hank scoffed at the arguably juvenile comment and did his best to not laugh. "I didn't know we were in the middle of a popularity contest right here."
"Please just respect my request to not discuss something that I do not wish to discuss." Connor asked in what he felt was as pathetic a tone as he could ever manage. The deviant lowered his hand from his L.E.D. as he returned his focus to Hank and hoped for leniency in their current situation. "What I had dreamt of has no consequences on what's happening right now."
"Then what's the harm in discussing it?"
"This is the only thing that I'll ask of you since you took me in to your home; please, do not ask me to discuss something that I don't wish to discuss."
"All right, fine. Don't tell me about it." Annoyed by the way Connor was behaving Hank decided to let the matter drop since he wanted to focus more on Cole in that moment anyway. "I hired someone to install the insulation in the garage today. Go into the livingroom so you don't get in their way."
"...Very well." Connor freed himself from the blanket twisted around his lower body and then wrapped it around his shoulders as he rose from the cot. Despite radiating a nasty heat from his own body the deviant was trembling as if he were cold or terrified. "I'll stay out of the way."
"Keep Cole some company while I finish cleaning the house." Hank tagged on as he followed Connor out of the garage and back into the laundry room. "He's working on his math homework again and might need your help."
"I could clean-"
"No. I don't know what the hell's going on with you right now, and I don't want you handling any bleach or shit like that."
"...I understand." Embarrassed by his behavior and apparent appearance Connor just bowed his head as he passed through the side door and entered the main house as he was instructed. It was barely past noon and Connor felt as if he had ruined the entire day for everyone due to his prolonged rest mode giving him an unexpected nightmare. "I won't interfere with anything."
"Good." In a huff Hank proceeded to clean up the kitchen while Connor listened to his simple instructions. "I don't want to have to deal with shitty work because someone got in the way."
Pushing through his personal worries Connor trudged into the livingroom and sat down on the edge of the pulled out bed where Cole was already sitting. The moment the deviant was beside the first grader, Cole's eyes lit up and the little boy addressed Connor with renewed energy.
"Hi, Connor!" Cole coughed twice into his hand before speaking again. "Are you still sick?"
"I'm recovering. I see that you are as well." Connor replied softly as he tilted his head and looked at the homework sitting on Cole's lap. "It seems you're working on your addition and subtraction again. Do you still require help?"
"Nope. I can do it by myself now."
Connor felt a strange warmth spread through his chest at hearing such an upbeat and optimistic answer. Unsure of what he was feeling Connor just decided to enjoy the moment rather than analyze it. It was rare to feel anything beyond fear or anxiety while traversing the new timeline, and Connor wanted to take advantage of it as much as possible.
"Dad says I can go back to school in a couple days." Cole confirmed as he finished his last few math problems and put the worksheet in his folder for safekeeping. He didn't want to lose his work before he had the chance to turn it in. "Then we're going to play hockey in the backyard. Will you play with us?"
"...If your dad allows it, yes. I'll play hockey with you."
"I bet you'll be a super cool goalie!" Coughing again Cole sank back against the couch cushion behind him and then caught his breath. He hadn't needed to use his inhaler since his first asthma attack, and with any luck he wouldn't have to use it again for a long time. "Do you have a favorite sport?"
"No. Androids don't have a favorite of anything in particular." Connor stated in a rather blank tone as he attempted to appear more android than deviant to keep Hank from asking any further uncomfortable questions. "We can excel at specific activities due to repetition or special software, not because we enjoy them and have obtained skill through practice."
Two knocks at the front door drew Connor's attention from Cole and to the unexpected visitor at the door. Leaving his blanket behind on the recliner Connor did his best to appear as mindessly android as possible as he answered the door on Hank's behalf. Peering through the front window Connor spotted a work van parked along the street and realized that the workman Hank had hired to insulate the garage had arrived.
Opening the door Connor greeted the workman and froze as he realized that it was an android who had arrived to do the physical work. "...Hello, I'll inform Lieutenant Anderson of your arrival."
"Thank you." The android, a typical 'NC-200' model named Zander, acknowledged Connor with an expected emotionless tone. Zander had no idea that Connor was a deviant and didn't react to Connor's deviancy in any capacity. "I will begin gathering my tools necessary for the work that has been requested to be completed."
Closing the door behind himself Connor felt an odd sense of existential dread. He didn't want to interact with the android out of fear of accidentally causing Zander to deviate before it was safe for him to do so. However, it felt wrong to just ignore a fellow android because of his own personal dilemma with accepting his full responsibility as both a detective and as one of the deciding factors in the success of the inevitable deviant Revolution.
"Lieutenant?" Approaching Hank warily Connor let the busy man know of the arrival of his requested construction crew. "The android to install the insulation has just arrived. They are gathering their supplies."
"An android?" Hank dried off his hands and tossed the hand towel over his shoulder after he finished washing the dishes. "Didn't expect that one. All right, I'll handle it. You take Sumo outside so he doesn't get in the way of anything being done either."
"...Of course." Patting the side of his leg Connor called out to Sumo and soon heard the large dog jump down from Cole's bed and trot down the hallway and into the kitchen. The lovable oaf was excited to go outside with Connor for the first time in a few days after being so ill. "Let's go outside, boy. We don't want to be an intrusion."
Without needing any coaxing Sumo passed right through the backdoor the second it was opened and didn't wait for Connor to follow after him. Excited to see the fresh snow again Sumo proceeded to roll around in the white fluff and wagged his tail hard enough to send large flakes of snow into the air like they were caught in a fan.
"I'm glad you enjoy the snow."
Connor noted as he remained outside the backdoor and stared up at the dark snow clouds building overhead. The mounting cold made Connor shudder and regret not taking the blanket with him outside to try to keep warm.
"I'm beginning to truly loathe it. Every time I've been out in the cold something terrible has happened."
Being nearly frozen to death by Amanda within his own Mind Palace depicting the Zen Garden was the first horrendous memory that revolved around the cold. That had initially happened during Connor's very first winter during the deviant Revolution. The second winter revolved around Hank's murder in the original timeline and Connor holding the man's dying body in his arms while trying to celebrate the Revolution's one year anniversary. It was now his third winter, and Connor had to rescue Cole from drowning and freezing to death in the water of an icy cold pond just a few days prior.
"I'm aware that bad things will happen to me regardless of the time of the year or what I choose to do, but the pattern of winter seemingly revolving around despair and suffering is something that I wish would end."
Closing his eyes Connor pressed his palm to his forehead as he breathed deep and slow. He was feeling anxious again and was struggling to find a means of coping with his extreme emotions with his coin to channel his tic. The recent nightmare only made his anxiety worse since he was unable to talk about what he had experienced without causing any additional problems between Hank and himself.
The horrendous visions of watching Hank bleeding to death in his arms and feeling his final breath escape his body was as real in Connor's nightmare as it had been in the waking world. The deviant android had managed to not think about that life changing moment after venturing into the alternate timeline and preventing Cole's premature death, but his system forcing him to replay those memories during his rest mode had caused him extreme anxiety with no outlet to channel it.
"I'm not sure how much longer I can pretend to be something that I'm not. Repressing my emotions and acting as if I don't feel it every time Hank insults me or dismisses me only makes the pain feel worse."
Sitting down on the ground beside the backdoor Connor pulled his legs up his chest and rested his forehead against his knees as he wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt to keep warm and feel grounded. The deviant android was trying hard to not cry and let out his pent-up emotions or nervously rock back and forth where he sat. He couldn't risk Hank discovering his current breakdown and addressing it with a condescending and apathetic attitude.
As Connor let out a deep breath he felt a second warm breath on his cheek seconds before Sumo nuzzled his nose under Connor's arm to get to his face. Lifting his head upward Connor was met with a sloppy kiss on the cheek from the lovable dog and suddenly felt a little better knowing that his emotions weren't always going to be used against him.
"...Thanks, boy."
Wrapping his arms around Sumo instead Connor held onto the warm dog in a comforting embrace as he endured the cold for a few minutes longer. He knew an android would be able to finish the garage much sooner than a human, and that he'd be able to return to the house and escape the cold again.
"Why is that you and Cole can see me as I am, but Hank is in complete denial? It took him a few days in the alternate timeline for him to see something in me that I didn't see in myself. What's different now? What's changed?"
Sumo just grumbled as he leaned heavily against Connor's chest and wagged his tail slowly in a joyous rhythm.
"I guess... It's me. I'm what's different in this timeline."
Such a strange sense of self-discovery was enough to make Connor's anxiety momentarily spike. It was as if the deviant android felt like he finally found the last piece to a very large puzzle that he had been trying to solve for weeks.
"My deviancy existing before meeting Hank and being unable to prove to him that I'm worthy of being a detective has altered his perception of who I am. He still has Cole in his life and has someone else to focus his full attention toward, and therefore everything I say and do as a... caretaker... means nothing to him."
That was a strange identity for Connor to admit to adopting. He had never seen himself as anything but a detective. While Markus and Simon were both caretakers before deviating in their own lives Connor just couldn't see himself accepting such a monotonous existence.
"I'm not sure how much longer I can bear to be this facade that I've manufactured. It feels like I'm living a lie and that my purpose is now meaningless."
Just getting through the passing days leading to the inevitable deviant Revolution seemed to be more torturous than answering to Amanda at CyberLife. Being aware of everything that he was saying, doing and enduring was far worse than being a mindless, voiceless puppet on a string in Amanda's grip.
"I need to focus on something other than what I'm currently going through; a new goal to attain before it's time to leave the house."
Connor's fingertips reached for his red glowing L.E.D. in his right temple and traced over the crimson light with a sense of determination. His memories of the past timeline were safely stored within his modified L.E.D. and were unaffected by the changes he had implemented. Through those memories of a lifetime where Hank was still alive and Connor's friend, the lost deviant could find a sense of solace and comfort as he struggled to find his footing in the new life that he had brought upon himself.
"I know what I must do and why I must do it, but waiting for my opportunity to come has affected me in a way I couldn't have possible preconstructed."
Snow began to fall from the sky again as the afternoon slowly turned to evening. By the time a fresh layer of inch thick snow had fallen Hank opened the backdoor and called out to Connor to return to the house at last.
"All right, the android's gone." The senior detective confirmed as he held out a towel to dry off Sumo's damp fur. "You two can come back inside."
Standing up slowly Connor let go of Sumo and followed the Saint Bernard inside the house through the backdoor. Without any prompting Connor walked into the laundry room to remove his own cold and damp uniform to place in the dryer before entering the garage to remain for the night while Hank dried off Sumo's fur. Just as Connor reached his cot to lay down the deviant detective felt a strong hand on his bare shoulder.
"What're you doing?" The confused man asked as he passed Connor a dry white t-shirt and gray sweatpants to change into. Seeing Connor turning to face him with a blank stare was a little eerie. "Cole wants to watch 'Star Trek' and he's insisting that you join us."
"...I was unaware that I was permitted to go into the livingroom."
"Why in the fuck not? You've been in there countless times before."
"You asked that I remain out of the way."
"For fuck- We've been over this." The senior detective was losing his patience when it came to Connor's seeming naivety. "Stop assuming that I want you to spend your time collecting dust in the garage when I'm not actively telling you to do something else!"
Slipping on the t-shirt and sweatpants Connor gave Hank a truly lost look. "What... am I to do when I'm in between your requests?"
"Just- I don't know! Make sure Cole's doing okay and doesn't need help with anything!" Hank didn't like Connor just doing as he saw fit, but he didn't like the idea of ordering someone around all day long either. "If something needs to be cleaned, then clean it. If it's time for breakfast, lunch or dinner and I'm not already making something, then make something. As long as you're not out getting into trouble or leaving Cole by himself, I don't care what you do. Get it?"
"I'll... remember that."
"Good. Now, come on." Hank looked about the newly insulated garage and could already feel a more comfortable temperature in the isolated room. It was easily twenty degrees warmer and well above freezing since that year's early snowfall. "It's the first time in days that Cole's been feeling well enough to watch a movie without falling asleep during the opening credits."
"Very well." Following after Hank back into the kitchen Connor looked at Sumo eating his freshly poured kibble and then stared at the empty stovetop. "Have you made something for dinner?"
"Yeah. Re-warmed chicken soup and toast."
"Would Cole like to try to eat some popcorn? As long as there isn't too much butter or cheese it shouldn't upset his stomach during his recovery."
Hank nodded with approval as he entered the livingroom to ask Cole about the enticing snack. "Let's find out. Cole?" Looking at his young son wearing fresh pajamas and sitting on the remade couch after the bed was put away, Hank decided to test Cole's appetite. "Would you like some popcorn to go with the movie?"
"Uh... Maybe?" It seemed Cole was also unsure of whether or not his stomach could handle such a simple snack. "A little bit."
"Cool. I'll go make us a small bowl of popcorn to share and I'll get ya' some juice."
"Okay."
Connor stood back by the kitchen doorway and performed a biometric scan over Cole out a protective instinct he had developed toward the little boy. There was no sign of fever and by all account Cole was well on his way to a full recovery. Cole's temperature was normal, his vital signs were normal and his complexsion was a much healthier shade than it had been previously.
"Sit beside me!" Cole invited Connor over as he sat right in the middle of the couch. "I want you to watch this too!"
"...Very well." The invitation was enough to make Connor's consistently red L.E.D. return to yellow as he took a seat beside Cole on the couch and settled in to watch the already cued movie. The sound and smell of the popping popcorn in the microwave gave the house an oddly comforting atmosphere that helped Connor feel all the more at ease. "How do you feel?"
"Better. Do you feel better too?"
"I do. I'm... slightly cold after being outside, but other than that, I am well."
Hank overheard the comment as entered the livingroom with the bowl of popcorn and an apple juice box in his hands. "Then wrap up." He casually stated as he grabbed Connor's blanket from the recliner and tossed it over to the android to use. "I'm not dealing with you getting all weird and glitchy again because of the cold."
Connor had caught the blanket with one hand and happily wrapped it around himself and shared it with Cole while Hank took the recliner for himself. "...Thank you."
"Okay, so, we're all comfortable, everyone has their snack and everyone's ready for the movie, right?" Hank asked as he placed the bowl of popcorn down on the coffee table within Cole's reach and then handed his son a juice box. "I want to press 'play' and I don't plan on looking away once the movie starts. I haven't seen this in years and I want to see if it's still as cheesy as I remember."
"Cheesy?" Cole asked innocently as he popped his straw into his juice box and stared at the warm popcorn in front of him. "What's that mean?"
"It means a movie has a story, characters or even special effects that aren't quite as good as everyone hoped it'd be. It's not a bad thing," the proud father explained as he took a handful of popcorn and placed it in his mouth. "but it is still noticeable to anyone who catches on."
"Does the movie have spaceships in it?"
"Yup. There's a few spaceships here and there."
"Cool! Start the movie!"
"You got it, bud."
Connor just silently sat back against the couch and stared at the television screen without actually watching the movie. He was aware of what was playing on the screen and of the dialogue being exchanged between the characters, but at the moment the deviant's full focus was on finding a way to adapt, survive and endure the remaining years of living the life of an apparently obedient machine and family caretaker while hiding his deviancy from those who'd never understand him.
Even with Cole's consistent kindness and empathy shown toward him to help Connor feel seen as he truly was - a living and feeling person - Connor knew that it wouldn't be enough to survive the remaining three years without losing his emotional composure. He'd need to find his own way to repress his emotions and disguise his attitude until it was safe to truly open up and be himself at long last among the people he could actually trust.
It was a dangerous road for the lone deviant to trek as Connor attempted to put on a mask of a mindless machine, yet it was a journey that he'd have to take if he was to find the life that he longed for waiting for him at the end of his chosen path. Through his dreams and even his nightmares Connor would be able to remember his true self and never become entirely lost within himself.
-next chapter-
