JENNIE

I really should take the stairs. It's healthier for my body and for my head. Tzuyu quickly walks toward the elevator, waving her phone. I barely keep my groan inside.

"Hold the elevator, please. Did you see? They arrested the mayor," she says.

I have to hold the door for her because now we're having a conversation, even though it's one-sided, and it would be rude for me to not at least try to be cordial. I wave a copy of The Kansas City Star that Wayne slipped me. "I'm going to read it as soon as I get to my office."

"This is unbelievable. Blackmail, secret dealings, bribes. And members of two prominent Kansas City families were taken into custody yesterday," Tzuyu says.

So much for the juicy read. Tzuyu's puking out all the details, and my mind is racing with questions. "Sounds like a lot went down." As exciting as this news is, I'm dying to know about her day yesterday with Lisa's family. "Say, how was your Thanksgiving?"

For a moment, I don't think she's going to answer because she's so engrossed in the story.

"What? Oh, Thanksgiving. It was fine. How about you?" Her lackadaisical answer gives me hope that maybe Nayeon's right, and Lisa and Tzuyu aren't serious. She's hardly paying attention to me.

Her features are pinched in alarm as she scans the article on her phone.

"Mine was low-key." I bolt as soon as the doors open. "Have a nice day." I don't wait to walk with her, and she's so engrossed in the article she doesn't seem to care.

April is a different story. She jumps up and hands me my coffee, even though my hands are full. "Have you seen the news?"

"Somebody said something to me in the elevator. I'm about to dig into it now, so don't ruin it for me." I tip my coffee cup in a silent thank you and plop down in my chair. My work emails can wait. I read the front page of the paper while my computer boots up.

Sterling Moore was arrested for bribery, money laundering, criminal conspiracy, and extortion.

Holy shit! Aubrey and Reginald Park were also arrested for criminal conspiracy, extortion, and a ton of other offenses. I recognize some of the names of other people listed, but I don't know any of them. Sterling used to work for the Parks and wrote bids illegally obtained through bribes to a city-council member who directed the contracts. That was how the Parks' fledgling construction company was so successful.

The Parks and their crooked city-council member helped Sterling get elected in exchange for his silence. Seamus is listed at the end of the article for setting the fire that burned down a warehouse with paperwork Sterling was secretly storing as leverage, just like Lisa and I thought. Seamus was nothing more than a thug hired to burn evidence. When he realized how much time he would serve, he sent Bruno Raymond to threaten Sterling. I guess that's why Sterling put the squeeze on me.

Thankfully, the paper doesn't say anything about the judge Bruno assaulted. Too many people already know I'm involved. I wouldn't be able to handle it if my name were printed in connection with this story.

I look at the clock. It's too early to call Nayeon, so I copy the link to the article and text her. Wow. What a bizarre start to my day.

Black Friday just took on a whole new meaning in my world.

Court starts in fifteen minutes, where I will once again run into Tzuyu. I hope today goes quickly and smoothly. I can't stare at her all day while I'm deciding whether I want Lisa for myself, if the offer is still on the table. That will make court, elevator rides, and social gatherings extremely awkward. I don't want to be guilty of breaking up any couple. That's never been my thing.

April peeks her head in my office. "Can we please talk about the mayor?"

I shake my head. "I don't have any more information than you do. Besides, I have to get ready for court." I'll hear soon enough from reliable sources. I slip into my robe and remember to wipe off my lipstick before I leave my office.

The morning is tense because nobody wants to be here. Most people want to be shopping, recovering from food comas, or spending time with their families. Even my mind is reeling from the breaking news. I'm sure Nayeon has read everything and will probably fill me in on specifics. News travels fast, especially about a public figure.

As expected, Tzuyu shows up with her client and enters a not-guilty plea. I study her closely to find out what Lisa likes about her. She's attractive, thin, and young. No older than thirty. We have the same color hair, but hers is longer. I consider myself graceful, but she's not. She walks too fast. The clip-clip-clip of her heels in my courtroom reminds me of a highly energetic poodle prancing around. I stifle my smirk at the image. When she leaves my courtroom, I sigh with relief and continue going down the docket until we break for lunch.

"Samuel, can I see you in my office, please?" I ask as I pass through my outer office.

He follows me into my office. "Yes, Judge?" He's particularly pale today, making the dark circles under his eyes seem more pronounced. He's fantastic at research but lacks confidence for a courtroom.

"See if you can find me a copy of Sterling Moore's arrest warrant. And Samuel? Please be discreet." I say. He nods, tight-lipped and leaves my office looking determined. I pick up my phone to find two texts from my parents and eight from Nayeon.

I answer Nayeon's right away.

J: I've asked my clerk to grab the arrest warrant. I'll let you know if I learn anything more.

N: Well, I was wrong about one thing. It wasn't the mob, just really greedy rich people. I still can't believe it. So that means you're good.

N: If they hurt you now, it would only make them more guilty. You're in the clear. She follows it up with touchdown emojis and smiley faces.

J: Hopefully. I really want my life back.

N: Any decision on Lisa yet?

J: Nope.

N: More emojis, but they aren't the nice ones. Don't let Tzuyu win.

J: She's not worth such a wonderfully passionate person. Come on.

N: Roll into the holidays with a beautiful butch on your arm.

J: Ha-ha. I'll keep you posted.

I put down the phone and check my emails and thumb through the mail. The Christmas party invites are starting to stack up, but honestly, I'm too depressed to confirm. What happens if I run into Lisa? Or Tzuyu? Or both? I could always invite my Tinder date, Ashleigh. Crap. I never texted her after I kicked her out. I groan and drop my heads into my hands. Every part of my life is crap.

Being a judge was supposed to be this amazing opportunity, and the only people I've made connections with are now behind bars. Not technically. I'm sure the Parks and the mayor all made bail. I wish Samuel would hurry up.

"I got it." Samuel bursts into my office without knocking. I raise my eyebrow, and a flush creeps past the white collar of his shirt as he realizes his mistake.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to just barge in," he says.

I make him sweat for a few moments before I nod. "What did you find out?" It takes all my self-restraint not to snatch the folder out of his hand.

"Here you go." He extends the folder.

I thank him for his discretion. When he shuts the door, I flip open the folder and read Sterling's arrest warrant. It's more detailed than the news article, but I don't gain any more knowledge. I sit back in my chair and allow myself to feel. Eloise Moore and the children must be struggling with the news. Maybe his wife knew of his wrongdoings, and maybe she didn't. Everybody in this new world of mine has revealed themselves to be corrupt or selfish. The only constant has been Lisa.

--

Drinking wine alone isn't a sign of loneliness, right? But stalking somebody on social media is. I scroll through Lisa's sporadic online presence and wonder what she's doing this weekend.

I haven't seen any photos of her and Tzuyu anywhere, so that gives me hope. Most of her feed is just photos of her with the firefighters she works with. That adorable smirk and those gray eyes are cracking the walls inside me. I close out social media on my tablet.

I should be sleeping because this has been the week from hell, but I can't settle down. I'm restless. Fuck this. I need to expel energy. I put on wool pants and a sweater, touch up my makeup, and grab my coat. Even though the weather's questionable, I walk down to The Phoenix.

"Judge. Where have you been?"

I smile at the familiarity of the small jazz bar and Tony. I feel free tonight. "Working hard, Tony."

"Let me buy you that drink," he says.

"Save it for the other girls."

The place is packed, and the only seat is at the bar. Tony points to it and leans closer because the music is so loud. "There's an empty spot just for you."

I nod and weave my way through the crowd. This is what I need. Attention without having to have a conversation. I order a glass of chardonnay and get as comfortable as I can on a barstool.

The band plays here frequently, and I've seen them two or three times before. The first thirty minutes are fun. Music, people-watching, and a second glass of wine. Loneliness doesn't hit until after the band breaks for intermission. I realize everyone is chatting around me, and I'm not included. I'm smackdab into the middle of conversations happening around me, without me, and I feel empty.

I wave for my bill and head home feeling sadder than when I left.

The cold whips inside my coat and chills me to the bone. While the music was good and a glass of wine is always appreciated, tonight was a dud, or maybe it's me. I draw a hot bath and make some mint tea. Once I'm naked and submerged, I take a deep breath and let the tears fall. Maybe it's stress, maybe it's loneliness, or maybe it's because I've turned into the person I always wanted to be, and I don't like her anymore.

--

There's always a rush once December starts. A steady flow of criminals who steal during the holidays because they find more money in pockets, businesses, or red metal tins, as bell ringers lean into the paths of pedestrians and ask for donations. People are friendlier and wish others happy holidays, but stress pinches their features, and I wonder what problems they have.

"More invitations. Do you need me to RSVP to any of them?"

April hands me a stack of about six.

"No, thank you. I'll figure something out." I'm not going to any of the social gatherings because people will only seek me out to gossip about the mayor and the city council and the Parks.

I know how this world works. I'm just thankful I didn't get sucked down their hole of favors and bribes. I'm glad I threw the book at Seamus Williams. I can't imagine the problems I would have now had I not given him the maximum sentence.

April buzzes me.

"Yes?"

"There's a Tzuyu Chou here to see you," she says.

My heart drops, then leaps into my throat. She knows about my history with Lisa. Why else would she be here at my office?

I take a deep breath. "Please send her in." I stand, ready for any confrontation that's about to take place.

"Judge Kim, how are you?" Tzuyu sits after shaking my hand.

"I'm well. How are you, Tzuyu?"

"I'm okay. Just trying to get some shopping done before everything gets bananas."

"I try to do most of mine online. I never know what nights I have to work late and don't want to scramble last minute," I say.

Why is she here? She's relaxed, almost comfortable in front of me.

Might as well cut to the chase. "What can I do for you today?"

"This might sound completely inappropriate, but I don't want it to get in the way of our professionalism." She waves her forefinger back and forth between us.

"Okay." I sit straighter and rest my hands on my desk. My stomach clenches hard and quivers as I wait for whatever ugliness is about happen.

"I recently started dating Katie Farrell. I understand you're a mentor of sorts to her. I didn't want you to feel blindsided if you saw us at a social function or around the courthouse."

I tilt my head at her and blink. Does this mean Tzuyu and Lisa aren't dating anymore? "That's wonderful. Katie is a great girl."

Katie, the law student whom I met my first day at my new place, has the bones to be a good lawyer. With my recommendation, she applied for a judicial internship that starts in January. Samuel's moving to a position at the Johnson County Courthouse after the first of the year, so that frees up a desk. She'll learn so much more with hands-on training. I'm looking forward to working with her. I get why Tzuyu is concerned.

"Oh, she is." She smiles at some private thought. "Are you sure it won't be awkward for you?"

"Of course not."

She makes a big production of being relieved. "That makes me so happy. I invited her to several of the holiday parties and I didn't want you to feel like I was stealing away someone you've been grooming."

"I appreciate the heads-up, but that's what these events are for. We're supposed to make connections with professionally like-minded people." My second revelation almost feels bigger than the first. Everyone I've met since becoming a judge may have been corrupt, but I'm not. I can help people like Katie and Tzuyu make names for themselves.

"Exactly! I knew you'd understand, but she refused to go to any of the parties until I cleared it with you."

"That sounds serious."

Tzuyu smiles, and I get a glimpse of what attracted Lisa to her.

"It is. When it's right, it's right, you know?"

"I do. Thanks for stopping by."

She stands and shakes my hand again. "Thanks, Judge. See you in court."

I watch her walk away and hammer down the emotions that are brimming inside me. I feel a little ridiculous that Tzuyu Chou helped me see what I was missing. I look at my calendar to ensure I can get away and pick up my phone.

J: Meet me tomorrow. Same time, same place.

I can't wear the dress. It's sixty degrees colder now. I opt for a long-sleeve taupe sweater dress and high black boots. I pile my hair on top my head in a messy bun and apply light makeup and thick lipstick. I order a car and grab my winter coat to wait for my ride downstairs. I'm beyond nervous. I slide into the town car when it arrives.

"How are you doing this afternoon, Ms. Kim?"

I've had this driver before. He's professional and courteous.

"I'm doing well. How are you?" I normally don't make small talk with the drivers, but today it doesn't bother me.

"Getting ready for the holidays."

"I love how festive Kansas City is during the season." I mean it. Kansas City is cozy, festive, and generous with holiday cheer. It's hard not to be in a good mood when you see a simple thing like a group of people wearing Santa hats walk by or the twinkle of lights on Christmas trees.

"I do as well. My children are down at Crown Center skating right now," he says.

"I don't enjoy the cold that much, but the skaters are always fun to watch." Nayeon and I used to eat dinner and drink wine across from the rink while chatting about the upcoming holidays and whose experiences were going to be the worst. She won the last two years, but I had a steady run of seven years straight.

The car pulls into the lot. "Do you need a return trip?" he asks.

I don't know what to say. I don't know if I will be only a few minutes or hours. "I don't think so. I'll be sure to call the service if I do. Thank you for asking."

He nods at me in the rearview mirror and pulls up to the side entrance. "Have a nice time."

I take a moment to straighten my dress before I climb the stairs.

I'm early, but only ten minutes. What if she's here? What if she doesn't show up at all?

"Good afternoon." The attendant watches as I slip a fifty into the donation box. She thanks me with a smile, and I walk to the room that changed my life. I'm the only one in the Italian Baroque room, so I get comfortable on the bench and wait.

I don't hear her approach, and her voice startles me.

"They say he killed a man."

I turn to look at her. Unguarded gray eyes gaze at me with longing and hope. I freeze because I don't know how to navigate my feelings as my heart twists and turns.

"I wish I could remember what I said," I remark.

She sits next to me. "I'm pretty sure I was blabbing on and on trying to impress you with what little knowledge I have about art. How are you?"

It's so hard to not lean into her strength at a time when I feel extremely vulnerable. "I'm okay. Scared, nervous, but okay."

"Don't be. It's me. You know me."

Her energy is exciting. I take a deep breath. "Do you want to look at some art?"

"Is this our first date?" she asks but doesn't wait for my answer.

"If not, can it be?" She bites her bottom lip as she waits for me to make the call.

"It's a perfect first date."

She holds out her hand. "Shall we?"

I melt the moment I feel her skin against mine. Her fingers are warm, and she pulls me close.

"Let me hold your coat. Do you think we should check them?"

I shake my head. "I don't mind holding it." Aside from the last coat-check experience that I'd rather forget, I need something to squeeze as I process what's happening. This date has the potential for so much more. "I believe you said your favorite wing was the Impressionist hall."

"That was before I saw the early American rural-settlement displays." She winks at me. "I highly recommend it, but we'll do that another day."

I notice she isn't packing, and even though I need a fantastic night of her sexual prowess, it's a fresh start between us. I can wait.

I know we'll have plenty of time for sex. "There's a photography exhibit if you're interested." She's so damn charming and cute.

"That sounds amazing." I like how she links our fingers together and rubs her thumb along my forefinger as we casually stroll through the museum as though we've been a couple for a long time. I feel her strength and excitement in the gentle way she holds my hand. "When I was in high school, I loved photography. I used to go on road trips with my best friend, and we'd take photos of the countryside or cityscapes. It was fun."

"Ah, a little morsel of info about Jennie Bear's past," she says.

My jaw drops open. "What? How do you know about my nickname?"

"First of all, it's adorable, and I hope I can call you that from time to time. Nayeon and I had a chat the weekend she came into town."

She stiffens after she says the words. I place my palm on her bicep. "I'm fine, and it's not going to happen again."

"No, it won't."

Her voice has conviction, and I smile at her fierceness. "Let the past be the past. I don't think I'll have any issues with Sterling or the Parks."

"Does this happen with judges? I mean, are threats a thing?"

"Sometimes. Maybe not to this extent, but there are threats."

I stop again and face her. "I promise I'll always be careful. Lesson learned, trust me. Most of the time being a judge is very boring."

She touches my face gently. "Then why do you do it?"

"For the prestige and the sexy robe," I say.

"You joke, but I completely believe you. Besides, you look very beautiful today."

I want to be shy, but she empowers me. I see the hunger in her eyes and lick my lips. I miss the way she tastes and how she sometimes scrapes her teeth along my bottom lip. "I wanted to wear my red dress, but it's a little cold."

"I'm glad you didn't, because it would be too much to resist."

She kisses my temple. "But thank you for wanting to. It's my favorite dress. Although the one you wore at the retirement party made my knees weak, too."

I'm overwhelmed with a desire to please Lisa—to look good for her, to give her what she wants. And only her. I see the looks that people give me. As much as I like attention, I want it only from Lisa. "I have a few things that you might like more."

She shakes her head. "Never. That dress is the start of everything perfect in my life."

Heat spreads across my cheeks, down my neck, and settles between my thighs. My heart races at the possibilities with this woman.

She looks at her watch. "It's almost time to eat. Would you like to have dinner?"

Food is the furthest thing from my mind, but a nice glass of wine to settle my nerves sounds lovely. "I'd love to. What do you like besides Thai?" It occurs to me that I know so very little about Lisa's likes and dislikes outside the bedroom.

"We can do something simple like Chaz," she says.

"I haven't been there in ages. That sounds perfect." I roll my eyes at my cheesy response. All the emotions I've hidden from myself and others push to the surface. I get mushy over things like how she ensures I enter the room first or how she slows her step so I'm not struggling to keep up.

"Did you drive here?" she asks.

"No. I had a car service drop me off."

"Perfect. I can drive us." She helps me with my coat, and in the elevator down to the parking structure under the museum, she kisses me the way I want to be kissed. My back is pressed against the wall, and even though it's uncomfortable, I've never wanted anything more than her lips on mine. Her tongue delves into my mouth and dances with mine in a rhythm we know so well. It's intimate, and I moan at how much I need her, how much I've missed her.

"Let's go back to my place." I'm already breathless, and my heart flutters.