JENNIE

I send Nayeon the first selfie of me and LISA. I have several cute ones, but I don't want to be that person who clogs her friends' text threads with sickeningly sweet kissy photos. I managed to wait three whole weeks before giving in. Nayeon calls right away.

"I'm so excited you and Lisa are officially dating."

"I know, I know. It's about time, right?"

"Are you going to spend Christmas together? I know your parents are coming to town, but will they meet her?"

She's asking too many questions, and I can't keep up, so I laugh.

"Wait, wait. You've already shipped us. Baby steps on meeting the family."

"What did you get her for Christmas?"

"I found a nice antique watch for her collection. I found one online I think she'll love." It was pricey but worth it. "What did you get Orlando?" Nayeon doesn't know that Orlando called me a few days ago and asked if I thought Nayeon would marry him. I played it cool, but inside I was squealing with delight. My relationship with Lisa is softening every part of me, and I'm emotional about everything, it seems. I told him yes and even gave him advice on the cut and size of the diamond. He's going to propose Christmas Eve after the kids go to bed.

"I got O a sound system for his car. Sounds lame, but what do you get a guy who has everything? He buys anything he wants."

"Listen to yourself. You're just as difficult," I say. Nayeon gave me a painting from a local artist when she visited me a few months ago. I sent her a case of wine she loves. I'm going to have to make my gifts more kid-friendly if she marries him. I sent the family fun things from Kansas City, including books, board games, and some local candy.

"What do you think Lisa's going to get you?"

I'm not used to gifts. I'm uncomfortable receiving them unless they're from Nayeon. "I don't know." We haven't really talked about it, but she did ask for an evening before my parents visit. They're flying in on Christmas Eve and leaving two days later. They want to see my place and get caught up. I'm sure they'll want to know about the job and if I like it. I still haven't fully embraced it, but I'm getting more comfortable with my responsibility. "Maybe sex toys."

She laughs. "Sounds romantic."

I'm embarrassed to tell her how romantic Lisa and I are.

We're doing all the things I used to roll my eyes at when I saw how cutesy people were with each other. "I really don't know." As much as I love toys and lingerie, I hope she goes with something more personal. "What about O? What do you think he's going to get you?" I try hard to keep the excitement out of my voice.

"I don't know. Maybe a trip somewhere? I mentioned wanting to go to Fiji, so maybe he'll surprise me with one."

I'm thankful we aren't on FaceTime, or she'd realize that I know something and try to pump me for information. Certain things I don't mind giving up, but I haven't even told Lisa about Orlando's gift. It's not that I don't trust her. I just don't want her to let anything slip. "Good luck. I'll give you a call on Christmas. I need to go. We're going to decorate Lisa's tree."

"It's a week before Christmas. Why did she wait so long?"

"Because we've been too busy fucking. Her nephews finally pushed her to get it done." Every time we get together, we end up naked. I'm headed there right after work. I told her to get started without me in case we needed together time.

"I'm forever jealous of you. Go. Have fun, be safe, and I'll call you for Christmas."

"I love you. You be safe, too." I disconnect the call and look at the clock. I have only a few minutes before I can leave. I'm not a clock watcher, but since agreeing to a relationship with Lisa, I'm counting down the days, hours, and minutes until I see her again.

And I'm checking my phone for messages on breaks. I feel better knowing she's doing the same. We agreed to keep our relationship away from the courthouse for obvious reasons. At five, I turn off my computer and walk out of the office. "Have a good night," I say to April on my way out. This is the first time I'm leaving before her.

The look on her face is priceless.

"You too, Judge."

I need to get my clerks something for the holidays, even though I know nothing about them. Generic gifts are easy, but I want to try a little harder. A happy clerk is a helpful clerk. I send Lisa a quick text and tell her I'm going home to change clothes first. She tells me she has a surprise for dinner. I promise to be there sooner than later.

She greets me at the door and kisses me hard. "I've missed you." I love the feel of her arms around my waist as she pulls me close. "I missed you more." Really? Did I just say that?

"You look beautiful." She closes the door and leads me to the fireplace to warm my hands. "I didn't get far with the decorations. What do you think of my nephews coming over tonight to help?"

She looks so hopeful I can't say no. "I guess that would be all right." If Nayeon can do it, so can I. Besides, we can always send them home if they get to be too much. She kisses me.

"Thank you so much. They're super sweet and well-behaved."

I smile through the anxiety building in my stomach. "I'm sure they are. I'm not worried."

I dig through the boxes of decorations while she calls her brother. I would have tossed a lot of the homemade decorations I pull out but find it endearing that Lisa has them for whatever reason. I should get a tree next year. Right now, I have a few decorations up, but no tree. A wreath's on the door, and Lisa insisted on putting lighted garland strands up the staircase. They give the place a nice holiday feel.

"Okay. They'll be here in ten minutes. I'm going to order pizza for them, but I'll order something else for us." She walks over to me. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

The old me would simply walk out if I didn't want to be a part of something, but I'm really trying with Lisa, and she knows that it's a struggle sometime. "Surprisingly, I am. I'm not going to lie. I had a moment of panic, but I'm okay meeting your nephews. If it was your entire family, I'd freak out."

She kisses me until I'm soft in her arms. "You're going to meet my brother tonight because he can't just drop off the kids. He'll want to meet the woman who tamed his older sister, but only him."

"How do I look?"

Lisa exhales and touches her heart. "More beautiful every day, and I don't know how that's possible because you were perfect yesterday."

I playfully push her away. "Suck-up."

She pulls me back to her and waits until I relax against her. "It's true. I'm in deep." She shrugs as though it's a casual statement, but it means everything.

I don't know how to process what she's telling me, or if I'm even taking it the right way. I flash her a small smile and alleviate the heaviness of the moment with sexual humor, my one and only defense. "Not yet."

She throws her head back and laughs. "Maybe not at this moment, but soon. What can I get you to eat?"

I lift an eyebrow at her.

"What would you like for dinner besides me?"

"We can eat pizza with the kids. I don't mind." I can't remember the last time I had pizza. Not that I'm on a health kick, but I'm trying to not gain holiday weight. My clothes fit me perfectly, and Lisa likes me the way I am right now—curvy and flexible.

"Great. What would you like?"

"Buffalo chicken. Or chicken Alfredo," I say.

"Placing the order now."

She types the choices into her phone, and the moment she hits the order button, the door bursts open, startling me. I place my hand on my heart in alarm. Two dark-haired, bright-eyed boys barrel into the house, screaming for Lisa.

"Boys." She growls and crouches to their level. They attack her from both sides and squeal when she scoops them up and drops them on the couch, roaring like a monster or a dinosaur. Her playfulness makes me smile.

"I'm so sorry they didn't knock. Hi. I'm Brock, Lisa's brother. You must be Jennie. It's so good to meet you." He's handsome, with a chiseled jaw and the same steel-gray eyes as Lisa. His hair is shorter than Lisa's but just as thick.

"Hi, Brock. It's nice to meet you, too. Lisa's talked so much about you."

"Boys, come here and meet Aunt Lisa's girlfriend."

They scurry over to me, dropping their coats in the process, and stand at attention in front of Brock.

"Hi. What's your name?" The taller boy, Connor, thrusts out his hand for a shake.

He's adorable and looks so much like Lisa that I want to squeeze him. I take his little hand in mine and give it a firm shake.

"I'm Jennie. It's nice to meet you. You must be Connor."

"How did you know that?" He tilts his head at me, totally perplexed at how I could possibly already know his name.

His little brother takes a step closer and holds out his hand, too.

"I'm Chandler."

I detect a slight lisp and fall in love with him immediately. "Hi, Chandler. It's nice to meet you, too. I know your names because your aunt told me them before you came over. Did you know we're eating pizza for dinner tonight?" Both boys whoop with delight.

Who have I become? Even Lisa lifts an eyebrow at me.

"Okay. I'll get them at seven forty-five. It's a school night."

Brock gives me a quick wave and pats Lisa on the cheek. She abruptly swats his hand away.

"Get out of here." She closes the door before I can hear what he whispers to her. She blushes. I'll ask her about it later. "Okay. Who wants to decorate the tree?"

More cheers and laughter from the boys. I sit on the couch and watch them. Lisa is so good at giving both of them attention, and the love between all of them is obvious. I wonder if Nayeon felt this way in the beginning with Orlando and his children.

"Why don't you ask Jennie if she wants to join us?" Lisa pokes Chandler in the stomach, and he giggles and walks over to me. "Do you want to help us?"

He holds out his tiny hand so trustingly, and I make a weirdly emotional sound and quickly clear my throat.

"Definitely." I take his hand as though it's a precious gift. He leads me to Lisa, and I sit with them on the floor as they sort through ornaments and lights.

"Do you remember when we made these?" Lisa holds up a snowflake made of yarn and popsicle sticks. The boys nod enthusiastically and dig in the box looking for more. "We made these this summer at camp."

"You went to camp with them?"

"Art with Aunts." She shrugs. "It was only for an afternoon."

She winks at me, so I don't know if she's telling the truth.

"It's great that you're so involved with them."

When the doorbell rings, the boys jump up and cheer. Who knew kids were this excited about pizza?

"One cheese pizza, one pepperoni, and one chicken Alfredo."

At Lisa's nod, the pizza-delivery person hands the small pizzas to the boys.

"Go put the pizzas on the table and show Jennie where the plates are." She pays for them, while I follow them into the kitchen.

"And wash your hands before you eat."

We all wash our hands and sit down to eat. I'm surprised when the boys pray with Lisa, and I wait until they're done to fill plates.

"Who wants cheese?"

Both boys raise their hands. I dole out slices of gooey cheese pizza. I should've never worn a cashmere sweater to eat pizza or hang with kids.

"Aunt Lisa, do you love her?"

Chandler giggles at Connor's question. I freeze and stare at my pizza, afraid to look at her but curious about the answer. Lisa knows I'm a flight risk, but so far, I've handled everything with grace. Our eyes meet across the table. She smiles at me but answers Connor.

"I do love Jennie. I think she's smart, beautiful, and very loving. Do you know what she does for a living?"

"Does she work with you?" Connor asks.

"No. Better. She's a judge, which means she puts bad people in jail so they can't hurt anybody anymore or steal anything anymore. She's very powerful, and I'm thankful she's looking out for all of us."

"Wow." Connor looks at me with amazement etched on his tiny, perfect face. Lisa makes me sound better than I am, but she's not wrong.

The two boys sitting on either side of me are the reasons I got into law. I wanted to stand up for people who didn't have a voice or whose voices weren't heard. I was thinking adults at the time, but now I'm doing it for anyone who needs to be heard. I get why Lisa is so fierce about them. Thirty minutes into this new relationship, and I would throw the book at anyone who hurt them.

"It's a pretty important job," I say, completely bypassing Lisa's confession. We'll talk about that later.

After ten more minutes of pizza, Lisa rounds them up to wash hands again and start stringing the lights. It's already seven, and we both know that once the boys leave, very little decorating will get done. I sit on the couch and watch them wrap the tree with colored lights, heavy on the bottom half, and hang both handmade ornaments and shatterproof decorative balls. Twenty minutes in, Chandler makes his way over to me and curls up on my lap. "Are you tired?" I ask.

He nods and leans his head against me. That can't be comfortable, so I adjust him so that he's more in the crook of my arm. It's hard to believe this little boy will one day be as tall as his dad, or even taller. I watch his little fingers play with my bracelet and my ring. When the doorbell rings, he sinks lower into me.

"Daddy's here," Lisa says.

"Hey, boys. Grab your coats and say good-bye," Brock says.

Brock commands attention like Lisa does. It must be a family trait. He smiles at us on the couch, and Chandler reluctantly crawls off me to put on his coat. Lisa hands him the rest of the cheese pizza.

"It was nice meeting you, Jennie," Brock says. He turns to the boys. "Tell Aunt Lisa and Jennie bye."

Both boys hug me first and then race over to Lisa, who picks them both up and kisses them until they struggle to get down.

"Thanks for your help tonight with the tree."

I stand when Lisa shuts the door and it's just the two of us.

"The tree looks pretty sad."

Lisa surveys their work and points to it. "I think it looks great. We can add another strand of lights on top here, maybe a few ornaments up high, and it'll be perfect."

"They kept looking under it for presents," I say.

"Yeah. I learned a long time ago not to put any presents under it until Christmas Eve. Last year I had to rewrap several that weren't even theirs." She pulls out the last strand of lights. "Will you help me so we can even it out?"

"Definitely." I'll have to work around the elephant in the room until she's done with decorations, but a discussion is in order. It takes us only about twenty minutes of quiet concentration before we finish.

Lisa stacks the empty boxes and slides them into another room.

"This tree could have been decorated weeks ago if only we'd taken thirty minutes to do it," she says. She pulls me into her arms and rests her head on the top of mine. "I think it looks better."

"It actually does."

"What did you think of the boys?"

"Your brother is handsome and strong," I say, teasing her.

Her mouth drops open, and she playfully tickles me. I laugh and push her away. She pulls me back to her. "I'm talking about the boys. It was okay that they were here, right?"

I kiss her softly. "They're adorable, and I might be in love with them already."

"Speaking of love," she says. She turns me so that I'm facing her and wraps my arms around her waist before she reaches up to cup my face. "I hope I didn't shock you earlier with what I said."

"What did you say?" I cock my head and furrow my brow as if I'm straining to recall words that we both know I heard perfectly clear.

"I said I love you. Well, I didn't say the words, but it's true. I know you aren't ready to hear them yet, but the holidays always get me so emotional. I know we're taking things slow, but the boys asked, and I don't lie to them."

I mull over her words and find that I love being loved. Lisa completes me emotionally and sexually. What I feel for her is love on a level I never knew existed, but I don't know how to tell her without completely losing it. I move my hands from around her waist and lock my fingers behind her neck. "You know this has been a difficult six months for me for so many reasons."

"You don't have to say anything," she says.

I put my fingertip up to her lips. "The judge is speaking. That means you aren't allowed to interrupt."

"Or I'll be in contempt?" She tilts her head playfully and smirks as though she'd just said the cleverest thing.

I roll my eyes. "I can put you jail."

"Will you handcuff me?"

"Would you let me?"

She laughs. "Yes."

"I'll file that away for later. What I'm trying to say is that it was a nice thing to hear." My voice grows softer as I search for the confidence to say what needs to be said. "I know I'm not easy and not good at this yet, but I love you, and I want this relationship to work." I look down because I'm too emotional and don't want to cry. She tilts my chin up. "You love me?"

I nod and bite my bottom lip. She's never seen me cry before, and I really want to be strong at this moment. "I do."

Her kiss is tender and full of emotion. I deepen it because words are one way to express emotions, but I'm used to physically expressing myself, and kissing is one of my new favorite ways.

"I love you, too. And I'll try not to say it all the time because I know that gets annoying, but know that you have my heart." She places my hand over her heart and holds it there with hers.

"Lock the door. We don't want anybody busting in right now."

I pull her down for a kiss that I hope conveys my message.

"Yes, Judge Kim."

"Oh, I like it when you call me Judge Kim." I get a flash of us role-playing a courtroom scene. "I find the defendant guilty of breaking and entering, theft, and the crime of being too damn sexy. How do you plead?"

That sexy smile of hers flashes across her face. "Guilty to being too damn sexy, but the other charges? Breaking and entering? Theft? Not guilty, your Honor."

I run my nails over short hair. "I'm throwing the book at you."

"What did I break, enter, and steal?"

She pulls me closer and runs her fingertip over my lips as she waits for my answer. She wants to kiss me. She always wants to kiss me. It's funny how I used to not like it because it led to emotions I didn't want to feel, and now I kiss her as often as I can. I brush my lips over hers before I answer.

"My heart."