Prologue

Divine Council, Cursed Words

It had been eons since a grand council of the gods had been called. The Axolotl knew it wasn't a question of who wouldn't show up after so long, but who would. The Great Mother stood literally rooted to her place, a great tree who limbs and roots of life extended to into the eternities. At her feet spread the perfectly white, cosmic disc that served as the table for the multiverse's Divine Council.

Great chairs of light ringed the table, waiting to be filled. Axolotl hovered their own seat, watching the two supplicant parties with great interest. They stood on opposite sides of the table, separated as it were by the vastness of existence itself, but the hatred in their eyes bridged the vast distance in a moment.

Aside from Axolotl and the Great Mother, the Winter Warrior sat on throne, tinkering away with a new toy design. Throughout the multiverse, he went by many names, but the ones the Earthlings before the council would know best were Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, Santa Claus. He would make sure to give both parties their say in the debate ahead.

Axolotl took a moment to reflect. Over the eons, how many gods had passed out of memory? How many had been imprisoned or killed? How many no longer cared? Worlds came and went, the bright, vibrant, beautiful lives that covered them were but a flash in the pan before the impossibly long and complex lives of deities. Knowing that, it was understandable that nearly none of the remaining gods bothered to come and hear the declarations of war from these supplicants.

Just how many creations had the Origin forgotten here? That was perhaps the better question.

"Oh ho! On time!" A large, slightly bluish time giant roared as he stepped out of time and space. He threw himself into his seat and heaved a sigh. "So, we've come to this day, have we? I knew it was inescapable ever since that invader made a mess of the canon timeline!"

Time Lord pointed dramatically at the group nearest Axolotl. It was a small delegation. At their head was a man dressed in tattered, black robes with too many pockets. His clothes rustled on an unfelt breeze. Power radiated from him as he gripped his snake and dragon inlaid sword. His eyes shone crimson red. They darted once to Time Lord before a small smile curled the Accursed's lips.

A Tscheapwhetzar.

He was flanked by a few interesting figures. One was King Andrias, now wearing a fully restored body, no longer sustained by machinery, but own flesh, blood, and bone. The old newt was powerful and full of guile. He was joined by a smug figure Axolotl did not recognize. A seemingly young man with shock-white hair and bemused look on his face. He held a lute in his hands. And finally, they were accompanied by a small, blue alien with four arms, spines down his back, antennas, and large, black eyes. Now there was a face Axolotl had not seen in a very long time. A troublemaker from an adjacent universe and one that connected to so many worlds, dimensions, and stories adjacent to this multiverse.

The way these things worked was enough to make anyone's head spin who wasn't a god.

The Tscheapwhetzar answered Time Lord snarkily, "It's nice to see that you manage to pull yourself back together in the future."

The time giant frowned and remarked, "I do not find that amusing, nor do I appreciate that you gave my destroyer amnesty."

Before the Tscheapwhetzar could reply, the second party sneered, "That's just one version of Bill Cipher. The real lord of chaos is gone and scattered across all timelines, only to be found before his untimely demise."

All eyes turned to the speaker. He was a young man, dressed in a snappy black and yellow pinstripe suit. He spun a glossy cane in his hands, wore a lopsided top hat, and had a monocle affixed before one eye, turning it bright, ghastly yellow. A sneering smirk curled his lips and he had bad razor rash fending off a fledgling neck beard.

The man was flanked by a shuffling, rotting zombie and a tall guy dressed in horribly inappropriate Native American robes, rusted armor, and an overlarge, bird-mask helmet. The Tscheapwhetzar's eyes flashed when he saw the bird-masked man.

"Hello there, Mark. Glad to see you return home. All your slimy, worming ways have finally paid off."

"Another consequence of your ill-advised interfering," the snappily dressed poser drawled.

"Don't worry, I'll deal with you soon enough," the Tscheapwhetzar promised.

"This is a space of peace and negotiation," the Mother Tree rumbled, shaking even the firmament with her words. "There will be no violence here. Any violence will result in your immediate expulsion."

"No worries, Mother Tree, I will not cause you any problems here," the yellow-eye man replied.

Axolotl calmly observed him. William Cryptic. A human who had long ago shed his real identity and humanity to pursue his obsession with the king of the Nightmare Realm, Bill Cipher. It was sad to see how Bill's corrosive touch could still reach through time and space to transform those who might have been good, or at worst mildly annoying and offensive, into monsters.

But Cryptic did have a point. This meeting would not be happening with these specific supplicants if it wasn't for the Tscheapwhetzar's selfish invasion.

"I don't think anyone else will come," the Three Stone Deity, the Guardian, said. Their youthful voice colored with sadness and longing. "Mother Tree, we can begin this meeting."

The great tree's leaves rustled, signifying the Mother's agreement. "Winter Warrior, please read out the names of our supplicants and their quality before this council."

Santa Claus stowed away his toys and project with a burst of speed and magic, a twinkle in his eye, before producing two scrolls. He rolled them out along the length of the table. He tapped his nose and gave it a wiggle, magicking the scrolls to bunch and contract, bringing the names of each supplicant right before him. He fixed his small glasses atop his cherry nose.

"Andrias, the one-time king of Amphibia. He is on the Naughty List. However, it should be noted that he has dedicated himself to restoring his world and repairing all the evils he's done. He stood up to his wicked father and helped the girls of prophecy save the planet. I would completely forgive him, but he did impersonate me and ruin a Christmas Day parade, so he unfortunately has more work to do."

The giant, blue newt had the good graces to appear sheepish and blush under his beard. He crossed his arms awkwardly behind his back and rocked on his heels.

"Stitch, Experiment 626, a full reformed alien who has been working hard to take care of his family," Santa read. "On the Good List and deserves all the presents."

"When does Stitch get his chainsaw-mounted surfboard?" the alien asked.

"Moving on," Santa said hurriedly as the Guardian chuckled. "Cephandrius… You're on both lists."

"So, I'm naughty and nice? Does that make me the ultimate kid?" the white-haired man asked.

Santa retorted, "It means that you are desperately trying to balance your scales by doing good things in the worst way possible."

"It makes for a more intriguing story, even though it's really not mine that I'm trying to tell."

"Whatever excuses you tell yourself, we both know they are only a cover. Convenient masks for whatever parties you crash."

"Santa is surprisingly eloquent," the bard remarked.

"Finally, for their group, we have the Tscheapwhetzar, who goes by many names, but…" Santa trailed off, clearly conflicted with what he was going to say next. He finally rumbled, "Lagerblad. On the Good List, but with enough caveats to fill a series of books. Opposite to Andrias, you are very close to slipping to Naughty List. It's not so much the grand things you do, but the small ones that top the scales in your favor."

"Thank you," the Tscheapwhetzar said, inclining his head to Santa.

The Winter Warrior turned his all-piercing gaze over towards the second delegation, the one that gave Axolotl the shivers. The dapper speaker for the second group leered haughtily across the expanse of eternity, challenging Santa to read his name. Though this was a place of peace and discussion, Axolotl knew this was a being of evil and destruction.

"Mark Epstein," Santa began reading. "He is on the Naughty List. He sought to win the heart of Wendy Corduroy through magical means, using the power of Madladl to accomplish his aims. Failing in that, he became a high priest to the cults worshipping the Abominations and took part in their wars, helping to destroy many defenseless worlds. Mark is currently seeking asylum from his many deeds, but ultimately shows no repentance."

"Funny that you would read far more for my name than for that damned Accursed you just gave a free pass to," Mark spat. His rusted armor quivered with anger.

Santa resolutely ignored the outburst and continued reading, "Stanford Pines of Dimension 013. He is also on the Naughty List. Prolonging his life through heinous scientific actions and necromantic magic, he has lost much of himself, but seeks to destroy everyone who ever ruined his life."

The zombie remained mute. Axolotl could see it clearly. All the horrific things this version of the scholarly warrior had done to himself had turned him nothing more than shambling, vindictive shade of his former self. The Ford Pines prophesized to confront his sworn enemy, Bill Cipher, had needed to learn the values of humility, family, self-sacrifice, love, and teamwork. All other versions of himself served as cautionary tales, for in victory or defeat, Ford's many personal weaknesses always held him back from becoming a true hero.

The multiverse wove many interesting tapestries, lives of choice and fate. A panorama of possibilities which guided the gods.

"Finally, we have Alan Winkleman-"

"William Cryptic!"

"-on the Naughty List. For seeking the powers of Bill Cipher, wreaking destruction across the multiverse and multiple timelines, and for trying to break into the Origin. Alan, your thoughts and deeds are known to me, and I can promise you this: If you keep going down this route, your name will be expunged from the Book of Life, and you will cease exist altogether."

"HA!" the monocled man laughed. "I only exist because of that man!"

He threw an accusing finger across the table right at the Tscheapwhetzar. Axolotl nodded sadly. Alan had already gained that much awareness. So be it.

"His interference in the established stories set forth by the Creators! In his own words, his influence bleeds like red ink through the pages of our history, through the fabric of our reality, and corrupts us to become people and things that were never intended! I should not be standing here at all, and yet here I am!

"Council of the Gods, this is precisely why I have come directly to you to make my case: The multiverse trembles with the devastating ripples set in motion by the Accursed who stands before you. His meddling in the lives of the Pines family and their allies branched off a completely different timeline which acts like a poisoned dagger piercing the stomach of our wonderful cosmos!"

He slapped the table and eternity trembled. The stars all around them dimmed, emphasizing the truth of his words. Tscheapwhetzars did bring a destructive influence everywhere they went. It was an undeniable part of their nature.

Axolotl knew where this was headed and felt powerless to stop what was coming. They knew the Guardian felt the same; the Three Stone Deity trembled with apprehension. The Mother likewise rustled, feeling the disturbance and destruction crossing through her roots and boughs.

"He seeks to collect and corrupt all of us, adding all our worlds and lives to his sickening collection! This monster cannot be allowed to interfere with what I am setting into motion! For I will purge all dimensions and universe, all timelines past, present, and future of his red ink. We will be free!" Alan screamed across time and space.

"And you will also destroy us all, seeking your freedom," Axolotl replied, their calm voice silencing the raving madman. "Don't hide behind hollow words and a pretty face, when what you desire is your own freedom and your own revenge, nothing more. In that, you and Bill Cipher share much in common."

"Why thank you!"

"That was no complement," the Mother Tree rumbled. "He was an agent of pure chaos who needed to be contained or else all would have destroyed. You would not be able to stand before us."

"He would have brought us all under the roof of one great party!" Alan laughed. "I will see to it that his vision is made reality and brought straight to our very Creators. And then you will all See the Truth as I have and Know true freedom!"

"You speak as if you were an Accursed yourself, but know your place, William Cryptic," Time Giant boomed. "Your incursions upon other worlds has been just as damaging and in many ways more than this interloper's. You have been weighted and judged, and the only way to salvation is to rethink your current approach.

"Turn back now before all you find is nothingness! No being can exceed the measure of their Creation. You have much to enjoy and live for, much to accomplish and great things to be if you stop this instant."

"I will do no such thing, you coward," Alan said happily. "I only came to request that you all stay out of my way. I would hate to have to kill any of the remaining gods who give a damn about the multiverse! Just stand aside and let me do what must be done. And after that, everything will be as I have promised!"

The Guardian heaved a sigh that shook the table. "You are the exact opposite of my chosen successor. You bring no good with all your power and you refuse to see or to learn. If gods tell you to turn back, it is more than a suggestion."

"Shut up," Alan said dismissively. "I will deal with your champion soon enough. There is but one version of her who possess the might to challenge me, but one is not enough. She is nothing before the Final Destroyer."

Mother Tree groaned, "So, you wish to unleash the great beast from his hold. What foolishness."

"It is brilliance!" Alan cackled. "I take it then that none of you are willing to see sense and let me do what I must?"

"All these uncounted years, I have stay on the sidelines" The Winter Warrior said heavily. "Observing and rewarding all people according to their deeds. By their own actions shall all prove themselves and find happiness. I only provide miracles where their faith and where the people are weak. Despite my misgivings, I will stand aside and trust in the heroes prepared to stand against you."

"I will deal with them shortly," Alan said smugly. "Heroes who have squandered greatness when it was given to them!"

"They will deal with you," the Guardian seethed. "They will be my shield against your schemes and my sword against your neck."

"And here I thought you were just a funny pussy cat," the deranged human taunted.

"Choices make the future fluctuate," Time Giant said, folding his ginormous hands. "I will be there to guard the timeline but not beyond that. I will not interfere where inappropriate. But I do not foresee a favorable future for you, Cryptic."

"Fair enough. And what about you, Axolotl? Will you continue to float and smile there like you always have? I cannot even begin to fathom why Bill feared and hated you so much!"

Axolotl titled their head and said, "You want to see a demonstration of my power. Part of your purpose in coming here was to shake me with threats and taunt me, needling me for a demonstration. It is meaningless. My power reaches beyond your logic and sight, helping to guide the multiverse and empower all beings to act on their own, no matter how evil they might choose to become.

"I assure you this, you will feel and see my power before the end. And at a time when you can no longer steal or mimic it."

Alan Winkleman, the troubled human stylizing himself as Bill Cipher's successor, sneered in reply, but could do little else. He understood now that the gods were united against him, but the rules by which they governed all creation dictated that he would be free to act as he chose. That was enough for him. He motioned to his allies, and they turned to leave.

"By the way, Tscheapwhetzar, I do not need to hear your plea or plans. They will all rot and die just as everything else you touch! You might have worked hard to redeem yourself from your messy past, but I can assure you this: There is no redemption from your past so long as you are not in control of everything."

The delegation vanished in a burst of black flames. Though their presence left the gathering, their threats and disturbing vibe was slower to depart. All godly eyes looked down in contemplation, figuring out what they would do before turning their gazes upon the final gathering, waiting patiently for an invitation to speak.

Mother Tree began. "Accursed… Well did the others speak of you and your influence. None of this would be happening had you not dipped your fingers into the stories surrounding Earth's Gravity Falls. You gave form and power to a new story and empowered Mark Epstein. His actions reached beyond what was natural for him, causing an avalanche of events that have helped to create the villain known as Alan Winkleman."

"It's all part of the strange flux of time and space," Time Giant vaguely clarified.

"Yes, that makes it's as clear as reading entrails," the bard scoffed. "Funny how we try to find meaning in the most disgusting things. It's like a recreation in miniature of how we try to find greater meaning in life when it's all muddled and messy. And really, there's usually nothing greater in the random events of our lives. Just a load of compounded sh-"

"Everything matters!" the Three Stone Deity rumbled. "We find meaning in everything, because each day shapes who and what we will become. I have observed how even random, insignificant events from camping trips to a visit at the mall have shaped people, helping them to grow, to heal, and to find their courage."

"Yes, and that's because we are talking about people and not the waste crammed into our intestines," the white-haired man said with condescending grin. "Do you have entrails, though?"

The Tscheapwhetzar raised his hand to forestall the conversation further. He addressed the gathering, "You are right that I set this all into motion. I have desired to collect all the many stories here, as is my nature. But the negative consequences are apparent, and I am here to make amends and fix my mistakes."

"By interfering further?" Time Giant rumbled.

The Accursed shook his hooded head. "No, I will take a backseat in these matters. I am only empowering my chosen pieces upon the board. Just the same as you will have them be your shield and sword," he noted, nodding to the Guardian.

He folded his hands and continued, "They are already in motion and will soon meet. I have Seen what is transpiring across the multiverse. The Archivists will soon arrive at Earth, which I Know is meant to be your next big cannon event. I will not interfere in that, but I will use that event to bring together my people, yours, and the individuals they were in the past.

"The heroes of Gravity Falls, Amphibia, and the Boiling Isles will unite to face William Cryptic and defeat him. He is already moving along many different axis, as you well know. He's looking for a way to interact with all his versions across all dimensions and universes before proceeding with his plans to destroy everything."

"The Final Destruction," Axolotl said. "The beast is an ancient one, embodying the end we all fear. The antithesis to myself or the emblem wielded by the one meant to unite worlds. I know what you are planning, and I am in favor of it."

"Really?" the Guardian sputtered.

"What are you planning, you floating grin?" Time Giant asked. "You never get involved unless you see a higher purpose."

"Listen to his request," Axolotl invited.

"Thank you, your grace," the Tscheapwhetzar replied, turning to the Time Giant. "So that my powers and touch will not continue to spill red ink across the pages of your worlds and timelines, I request that you grant the heroes the protective powers necessary to meet their alternate versions and not be destroyed.

"This way, they can interact across time and space and coordinate. One group will perform a rescue mission, which will jam a wedge in Billy Creep-tic's ultimate plans. Another will do as they are supposed to and confront the Archivists, but they will go beyond that and claim the powers necessary to fight the Final Destruction. The third and final group, those whom I have personally collected, will draw the Cipher impersonator to his chosen battlefield. And there, they'll trap him.

"From within and without, your chosen heroes will destroy him and save your multiverse."

"An impressive plan," Mother Tree acknowledged. "But an impossible one."

"That's right! If all those different dimensions and timelines attempt to coordinate, should they even meet, they will cancel each other out and be expunged from all of existence," Time Giant rumbled. "This is an immutable law of the law multiverse; it is the only thing that keeps it from all falling apart!"

"Not entirely," Axolotl interjected. "Remember, there are dimensions that specifically negate that limitation. They may be rare and difficult to access, but that does not make it impossible. And the grace granted by such spaces has allowed for many oddities to occur, such as the migration of displaced Mabels.

"And do not forget the artifacts that have been designed by past unscrupulous sorcerers and world hoppers to limit the negative consequences of meeting someone's self in another dimension. William Cryptic is apprised of all this knowledge; the natural limitations of the of multiverse will not dissuade nor hinder him for long."

"THEN WHAT DO YOU WANR ME TO DO?!" Time Giant roared. "YOU THINK I'M JUST GOING TO GIVE THESE INVADERS A FREE PASS AND LET THEM DO AS THEY WILL?"

"The Tscheapwhetzar has already begun his invasion of the lives of those whom I have watched and am cultivating," the Guardian replied. "Anne Boonchuy's assistance in this war will be crucial to its success. I can already see the possibilities unfolding."

"Don't stress yourself out too much," Time Giant grumbled. "How many millennia passed before anyone passed your magical stones test? How many worlds were destroyed? The countless lives ruined, hm? Don't pretend that any action on this monster's part will result in anything good!"

"Your skepticism is well founded," the Tscheapwhetzar admitted. "However, if you grant me your time powers to allow my selected heroes the chance to communicate across timelines and dimensions without incurring the natural consequences of the multiverse, I will ensure that my stolen timeline will remain sequestered from your story's main canon. Furthermore, my interference will be minimal, allowing the heroes to act independently."

"What he says is true, my lords," Andrias spoke up. "I read and accepted his Contract, and I have already seen what we can do. What we are capable of."

"You are a twice fooled son of deranged emperor who led his planet to ruin," Time Giant sneered. "Why should I trust your words?"

"Because everyone deserves a chance for redemption," Axolotl replied.

"I wasn't asking you!"

"No, but the spiritual balance of the multiverse is my domain. Life, death, rebirth are all overseen by me. The King Andrias who destroyed Amphibia and who would have conquered Earth is no more. A prince of the newts stands before us, ready to not only fight for his people, but for all worlds."

The large newt swelled with gratitude and pride. Andrias fell to one knee and said, "You are most gracious, my lord! I will strive to be worthy of your words. I still struggle with who I was and who I now am… They are not who I hope to become."

The Axolotl wound its way through the sky, encompassing the table and all of eternity in the process. It beamed happily down on him and the rest in the delegation. "Redemption. It is the gift all living beings with the will and knowledge to act seek. For they inevitably learn that they are not perfect, and their choices have consequences. They can be an incredible burden. Some call it sin, others call it understanding, others label it trauma or guilt. It stains and strains the mind and soul, leading to a breaking.

"I will offer them a chance for death and rebirth and ultimately life, Mother Tree! I am in favor for the Tscheapwhetzar's proposal. Though he shoulders the weight of his actions, he comes here to make things right. In doing so, many others can be saved."

"If they are successful, it will lead to greater stability across the multiverse," the Thee Stone Deity concurred. "It could mean the start of an unprecedented era of peace!"

"Meaning less work for you," Time Giant muttered.

"My Naughty List could shrink considerably," Santa mused, a twinkle in his eye.

A large, fat, bluish hand slammed the table. Time Giant didn't like getting ganged up on. However, Axolotl saw in their friend and ally the wisdom that came with eons of maintaining spacetime. He was no longer a Baby, even if to many people, he was still frozen in ice or had just been obliterated.

The multiverse was strange and convoluted. Time Giant represented all of that and bore the responsibility for it all. He was not about to betray his responsibility.

"FINE!" he shouted. Time Giant snapped his fingers and a cloud of time magic appeared before the Tscheapwhetzar. "Your chosen champions will not be allowed to cross each other, but they will be allowed to interact and communicate. I foresee that allowing them this will help them win…"

Axolotl watched the giant's eyes grow distant before Time Giant sighed. "I fear that I can no longer determine what will happen in the future. I can see the canon events as they should play out, but the Tscheapwhetzar's influence and the Cryptic's own growing power, and that of his blasted ally's make the future dim and fuzzy."

"The heroes of the multiverse have done their jobs before. This time, they are more prepared than they ever have been. They will not fail," the Tscheapwhetzar promised.

"Your determination is noted," Mother Tree said, her voice filling the void with a soft breeze. He leaves danced and rustled musically as she continued, "But the Final Destruction be released from its prison, we will all perish. Soiled and cantankerous white gloves already lay the axe to both trunk and root. The reality of the END is far more real than you may be willing to accept, Tscheapwhetzar, especially since it doesn't affect you."

"The end of all your stories would affect me deeply," the robed man assured all the gods. "It would drag my heart into the depths of s crushing depression. And not just mine, but countless thousands everywhere. My hope is to save you all through this final story."

The Tscheapwhetzar reached out his hand. Red lightning sprang from his fingers and touched the cloud of time magic. He scooped it all into a flask that flew out of one of his many pockets.

"Ah, but it won't be the end if you succeed, will it?" Axolotl asked, smiling. "Where one story ends, another must surely take its place. And if we continue, so too will our stories."

"Oh, I like this salamander," the white-haired man said with his own wide grin.

The Tscheapwhetzar nodded and stowed away his gift. He bowed and said, "Thank you for this gift and for the permission and chance to act."

Time Giant grumbled. "Whatever. If you're really appreciative of that gift, make sure you don't lose! But the way, why has the little blue guy remained silent all this time?"

"Stitch is only here to cause chaos if you poo-poo heads didn't help," the blue alien declared happily.

"Now that would have been something to see," the Guardian giggled.

The Tscheapwhetzar's eyes flashed red. "Oh, you have no idea."