A/N: Wifi = teen Cable.
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Random Set-Ups for Adoption – The Glitch:
Ancient History
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"For centuries, there was much doubt whether Scáthach's champion eve—"
Wifi, the younger time-displaced Nathan Summers paced through the museum aimlessly.
It had already been over a year since the botched resurrection of his father. Putting a pacemaker that harnessed the Phoenix Force on his dad's corpse, then hitting start? Ha! Looking back, that was incredibly stupid of him.
And so, a year was spent trying to find clues to his whereabouts, to no avail.
Wifi had even reached out to his mother and sister- to the rest of the X-Men. They were all naturally apprehensive at first, especially at the notion of Scott Summers' resurrection. A year-long manhunt ensued, only to end up empty.
Scott Summers was nowhere to be found.
The X-Men had then reached out to everyone they knew.
Much like the X-Men, the rest of the metahuman community had varying reasons for wanting to find Scott Summers. There were those that wanted to find Scott Summers and stop him from creating yet another upheaval of the status quo. Others wanted to rekindle friendships with the man from the dead.
All the same, everyone came up empty.
"- wasn't your typical medieval age, you see, and there are so few relics intact from that lost age."
Absently, Wifi turned to the old curator, who was explaining lost age history to the gathered crowd.
"And yet, some would call their civilization more advanced than it should be."
Wifi scoffed. Really, the man was playing it up. No doubt there were investors somewhere in the crowd.
"Here is a catalogue of the items for auction."
"What of the She-Devil's precious treasure?" A woman asked. Wifi glanced at her curiously; a beautiful Japanese woman in her 20s dressed rather provocatively.
"Beg pardon?" The old curator asked.
"The She-Devil's treasure." The woman repeated. "It's said to be proof the only proof the She-Devil did take on a spouse."
"It's on page three." A French man with back hair chuckled. He was wearing a casual black suit under a blue jacket.
Beside him, with eyes covered by a black fedora, was an Asian-looking man with a goatee leafing through the catalogue.
"Honestly, Fujiko, sometimes you're so impatient." The French man continued, sidling up to the Japanese woman and placing a hand lecherously on her hip.
"Is it for auction?" The beautiful Japanese woman—Fujiko, ignored the overly-familiar French man.
"So cold!" the French man whined good-naturedly. As if this was something they always did.
Wifi was honestly confused, but didn't care much. It wasn't any of his business.
"No, madam." The curator shook his head. "The She-Devil's treasure is currently still being restored. Alongside her sword."
"You women and your romanticism." The fedora-wearing Asian scoffed. "What's so good about a pair of glasses?"
"Jigen, my man-" the French man chuckled, finally letting go of the woman he was groping in public. "Don't you find it odd that the lost age even had glasses? Or why it was made out of ruby quartz?"
Wifi's blood stilled.
And he quickly grabbed a catalogue from the nearby stand.
"Must be some fetish or something." The Asian grumbled. "It looks like something you can buy off the streets now, if you ask me."
"It's the history of it!" The Japanese woman fired back with a huff, before turning her attention back to the curator, folding her arms and her ample bosom and giving the old man a show. "Are you sure you do not want to put it up for auction? I'd really love to see it."
"W-well, madam…" the curator gulped and adjusted his collar. The man was flustered, but who could blame him. "I'm—I'm sorry, but the most we can do is put it on display…?"
"Well, I suppose if that's all you could do…" The woman purred sweetly, pressing her ample bosom against the curator's chest.
"Fujiko—don't give the man a heart attack." The French man called.
The Japanese woman straightened with a pout. "Aw, you're spoiling the fun. But thank you, Mister Curator." She gazed up at the old man again, capturing his eyes with her flirtatious smile. "Will I be seeing you at the auction tonight?"
"I—I'll save you a VIP seat!" The flustered man announced quickly.
"Perfect." The woman smiled as she retreated. "Jigen, Lupin," the woman—Fujiko—nodded curtly at the Asian and French man. "I will take my leave. A lady needs to freshen up before a big date, after all."
"Away with you, troublesome witch." The Asian fired back.
"Fujiko~~~ I will wear my best suit for you~~!" The love-struck French man sang back, chasing after her.
At this point, Wifi ignored the conversation.
Because something else had caught his undivided attention.
There, on page three, just as the strangers said, was a picture of a familiar pair of ruby quartz glasses next to the sword of Red Sonja, the so-called She-Devil of Hyrkania.
The historian's text read that it belonged to the Red-Eyed Enchanter, lover of the She-Devil.
A man said to be able to steal the hearts of all those that were held in his gaze, whose eyes were claimed to make the sun rise even in the darkest of nights. A man named as such for he had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, joined the She-Devil in her travels and convinced her to relinquish her vow of chastity, before eventually disappearing from history alongside the She-Devil.
Two legends that just vanished.
"Dad…" Wifi groaned, palming his face. "What the hell did you get into this time…?"
One thing was for sure.
He was going to steal those glasses.
Good thing that strange woman managed to coerce its location…
A/N: In which Wifi finds Scott in the most unlikely place- a relics from the Hyrkanian age, showing that Scott had somehow entangled himself with Red Sonja.
And yes, that was Arsene Lupin III, Jigen Daisuke, and Fujiko Mine.
Wifi's got his work cut out for him if he wants to retrieve his father's shades.
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Incumbent:
Omega
Tony Stark wasn't sure how things went to hell so quickly.
One moment, he was siccing their Hulks at Hope Summers' bodyguard—some unremarkable X-brat named Joshua Foley—and then the next, the entire Avengers were fighting for their lives, their heavy hitters depowered and knocked out cold instantly.
"I need that intel, Stark!" Steve yelled over their comms- even as the good Captain's body rapidly aged before their very eyes, Super Soldier Serum clearly gone from his system. "I need that data now!"
Thor flew overhead, manhandled by the kid, who suddenly seemed to gain the powers of the Hulk without the rage.
"Joshua Foley!" Stark yelled at Steve. "Elixir! New Mutant. Classified Omega. Powers are healing."
"How is this healing!?" Natasha screamed as she emptied her entire clip to slow down the sole mutant. No such luck. For her effort, she had the unconscious body of Captain Marvel flung at her head, knocking her out cold.
"Hey there, kiddo-" Stark called as his suit continued to crush him by an invisible force. Magnetism? Telekinesis? Tony wasn't sure, but he needed a way out fast. "Sorry about earlier, maybe we can start over with introductions? Here, I'll go first- I'm Tony Stark and my hobbies include hoping to live another day. How about you?"
Joshua Foley- Elixir—let go of the throats of the Scarlet Witch and Spider-Man. The two heroes crumpled on the ground, and if Tony were to hazard a guess, their powers were gone, too.
Just like their Hulks.
Just like just about everyone else.
The young mutant looked slightly winded—but only slight—and his skin seemed to swirl with black and gold.
"I admired you, Mister Stark." Josh began.
"Really? I'm so happy to have met a fan-"
"You always got the girls."
"I can teach you." Stark cajoled, desperately trying to keep the mutant talking.
Trying to buy time.
Elixir didn't even turn as he caught the shield aimed at the back of his head. Didn't even flinch as the attached explosive detonated. An arrow struck his nape, only to fall uselessly on the ground.
Seeing the futile efforts of all his fellow Avengers, Tony tried again, "How about we just talk this out, kid? I can even teach you how to bag the ladies."
His armor suddenly started caving in on him anew.
"Nah, I don't think I'm meant for that anymore." Josh said, slowly advancing towards him and the rest of the Avengers. "I promised Hope that I'll give her time to converse with the Phoenix."
"Look kid," Tony wheezed. "You don't know what you're doing. You don't know who you're messing with."
"And you do? Great." Josh chuckled. "How's that working out for you?"
A light on Tony's screen blinked.
"Pretty well, actually!" Ironman shouted triumphantly.
Beams of light rapidly descended from the heavens, converging on the Omega mutant.
"Yahoo!" Stark cheered as the crushing feeling from his armor stopped. "Good thing I never decommissioned those satellites from that one-time Bruce declared war on the world!"
"Stark, you reckless idiot!" Steve roared. "We still had friendlies next to him!"
"He was kicking our asses, Steve!" Tony fired back. The decision weighed on him- but they were running out of time. Their numbers had dwindled to so very few, and they still hadn't faced up against Cyclops' Extinction Squad, who were no doubt up in the moon protecting Hope. "Get up, Captain. We need to move!"
"I don't think so." Josh's calm denial came through the dust clouds.
At once, the crushing feeling returned as he was lifted off the ground. Tony frantically took stock of their remaining forces- even as everyone was lifted off the ground, too.
"Unhand me, cur!" Thor shouted to no avail.
What the hell was he? Stark's mind screamed. It didn't make any sense. Wasn't he a healer? Why did have so many powers? What was his mutation? Who scrambled their database?
What the hell was an Omega?
Wolverine might have been able to answer, if they hadn't left him to fight against Hope Summers' other bodyguard, Laura Kinney.
Seriously, these children were far more painful to deal with than he had ever imagined!
"You should thank me for keeping your friends alive, Mister Stark." The ground beneath Joshua Foley rumbled before a stump made of earth jutted out. The mutant sat on his makeshift seat.
"Now, what was it you said again? Move over junior before you get hurt?"
"Oh, shut up." Tony wheezed.
The Omega actually laughed—and then continued to squeeze all the Avengers in his grasp.
"Ain't no fun when the rabbit's got the gun."
That was the last Stark heard before darkness finally took over.
A/N: "Xiyon, what the hell is Incumbent?!" I hear you shout.
Well, it's a one-shot I made ages back where, after the events of Necrosha and Second Coming, Hope tries to recruit a brooding Elixir. 'Cept Elixir was doing more than just brood over killing Wither. Dude was training his powers in secret until he felt he was ready to finally assist Hope- culminating in having full control over, well, genetic manipulation. He can now give himself (and others) any power he wants, and take away any power he wants.
Hulk's gamma mutation? Gone. Super Soldier Serum? Vanished, with accelerated aging to ensure Cap is out of commission. Spider bite? More like spider-bye! Since dude can't do anything to Thor apart from weaken him physically, Josh is just keeping him in a telekinetic chokehold.
Yeah, Elixir's powerset is broken. Too bad nobody wants to write him as such.
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A/N: First of my final 2 omakes. The others will prolly be shorter though.
