When Doc Fraiser had asked him to "be there" for Cassie tonight, he hadn't realized it was also the night of Cassie's first dance date, which made things incredibly awkward for everyone involved. Cassie, in particular, had taken issue with the setup and assumed the worst. Jack would have been on her side if he hadn't known that whatever the hell SG-9 brought back through the gate with them was keeping the doctor busy and quarantined on the base. Still, she might have mentioned it was Homecoming night.
Jack had discovered the importance of the evening when he picked Cassie up from school and she'd fired off a list of stops they needed to make before going home, stops like her hair appointment and the florist for a boutonniere. Arriving at the Frasier home only made things more awkward when Cassie needed help deciding if her makeup was too much and then needed help zipping up the dress he is certain should not be worn by a teenager. This was the first time he tried calling Sam, but she didn't answer, so he'd survived by helping with the zipper and saying he thinks the frosty blue eyeshadow is nice. Apparently that means it is terrible.
So then when Cassie finally did come out of her room fully dressed and made up, he had said what he thought was the right thing and told her she looks lovely, but apparently that means something must be wrong with her shoes and she disappeared back into her room with the slam of a door. He'd found beer in the back of the fridge and tried Sam again. Still no answer. Fuck.
When the doorbell rings and there is this pinched-face little twerp in front of him named Dominic. Jack lets him in and offers him a seat but also can't help giving him the wary eye of a man who thinks of Cassie as part of his family. She's not his daughter but she's still (sort of?) his child somehow and he can't imagine a world where this jackass is fit to escort her to a pinball machine much less to her first big date.
"So," Jack says, against his better judgment but with no one to stop him, "whatcha got planned for tonight, Dominic?"
"Excuse me, Sir?" Dominic is sweating all the way through his mall suit and tugging at his too-long tie so hard Jack is worried he might strangle himself. "I just, I mean, we're going to the dance-"
"Right, and then after that is there a party or anything I should know about?" He knows how it sounds, but he doesn't care. He remembers being 16 and horny and an idiot.
"I, uh, is Cassie gonna be ready soon?"
"Why, are you in a hurry, son?"
"No? I just, I mean-look, sir, I don't have any plans or anything I just like Cassie."
"That's great to hear, Dominic." The sweat falling off the kid's brow is enough to wet the floor if it kept up, but Jack can't help keeping his cool stare pressed sharply against the boy's wide, terrified eyes. He remembers the name; he knows this is the same kid who was here when Cassie passed out on her birthday. Kid's already met Mean Carter and Mean Frasier, but he has no idea about Mean O'Neill. "So you'll be home by eleven, right?"
"The dance ends at midnight-"
"I think I said eleven."
"Uncle Jack, what the hell?!"
Oops.
He manages to give one more mean stare to Dominic before he gives in to the rough tug of his arm toward the kitchen and follows his petite but quite strong non-child. She twists on her now high heel and huffs out an exasperated sigh, hands on her hips and frostily shaded eyelids narrowed into a glare. "What do you think you're doing?"
Jack shrugs out of her hold and sips his beer. "Making small talk with Dominic?"
"You were trying to frighten him! I've seen movies, Uncle Jack. I know the overprotective dad type trope, and it's been stale for years."
"Ugh god, who taught you to talk like a film critic?"
"Daniel, and don't change the subject." Cassie sighs and smooths her dress before looking back up at Jack. "I like him. So stop it."
"I'm sorry, Cass. It's sort of natural."
"Well, unlearn it and move on. I'm going to date and you can't stop me by being scary."
"You think I was scary?"
"Dom thinks you were scary, obviously," Cassie gestures toward the living room.
"Ugh god, he goes by Dom?"
"Stop!"
"Sorry; you're right," Jack sighs. "I called Carter but she hasn't answered. I'm sorry; I really did try not to be the person who was here for this. I knew I'd make a mess."
"Stop that too. I'm glad you're here for this, but you can't be scary Air Force guy. Just be a supportive fun uncle guy, okay? I like this guy for a reason. Please trust me."
"You got it, kid," Jack smiles and opens his arms to gather her toward his chest, annoyed at the smell of hairspray but warmed by her embrace. "Love you, mean it, kid."
"Backatcha. But this is bullshit and I'm still mad." She drops her arms from the hug and gives him a stern look before walking out to her date and becoming an entirely different person as they exit the home and enter the car.
"Be home by curfew, kids," Jack shouts from the door. "Make good choices!" He sighs, frustrated that he knows Cassie is pissed but also a little delighted that he caught her middle finger raised to him through the window of the little sedan as it sped off. Nice, Cass.
So now he's called Sam again, and she finally answered. She's on her way to sit with him during the long wait of whatever the hell is this part of part time surrogate child rearing. There's not much else he figures will help the situation, so he sits on the front porch with his beer and a couple of backups because it's been that kind of fucking night.
His heart does a cartwheel when he sees a little Volvo roll into the driveway. "Carter! God, I wish you'd been here a couple hours ago."
"That bad, Sir?" she asks, accepting the bottle of beer his hand pushes toward hers as she settles next to him on the bench.
"It's Homecoming night and I didn't know," he says. "So first we did the hair appointment and then we came home and I was wrong about makeup and shoes."
"Oh, boy," Sam says, trying not to laugh too hard.
"Then the date arrived and I spoke to him and was apparently mean."
"You weren't!"
"I was! I asked what his plans were with her and then also suggested he had better be home before curfew."
"Oh, no," Sam laughs, nearly doubled over as she grips the arm on her side of the bench. "Cassie must be furious."
"Oh, yeah." Jack sighs and shrugs, dropping one arm over the back of the bench they share and tipping his beer into his mouth. "She's pretty pissed. But in my defense, the kid goes by Dom."
"Yeah I met him," Sam laughs. She looks up at him and smiles sweetly. "You know, this isn't anywhere near as bad as what my dad did to my first date."
Jack smiles and tilts his head down toward Sam's as she beams up at him. "Really? Jacob did worse?"
"Oh god, he did so much worse," Sam laughs. "He had a fake file folder filled with pages of nothing and he pretended it was about the boy."
"No, he didn't!" Jack actually laughs hard enough that his throat feels a burn imagining a teenage boy staring down General Jacob Carter with a fake dossier.
"Yeah, he did."
"How did the date go?"
"It didn't. Dad spooked him so bad he was gone by the time we were done with pictures."
"No way!"
Sam nods, a little bit sadly but mostly with amusement, and Jack smiles back because he knows that look so well and he knows she's thinking back on it fondly enough that he can enjoy the memory with her. "Yeah, he was a total nightmare about me dating. I had to sneak around or he'd scare everyone away."
Jack laughs and squeezes her shoulder. "I dunno, Carter, he's let me take you out around the galaxy a few times."
She laughs. "Yeah, but he likes you!"
He stops moving and so does she. They're not idiots, and it's true that Jacob likes Jack. Of course, it's also true that Sam isn't 16 anymore, but even Jack knows that doesn't matter and it's a huge deal that Jacob trusts him as much as he does, especially in situations much more fraught than a homecoming dance.
"He does like me," Jack says.
"Yes, he does," Sam says, smiling at him and leaning into his side a little.
"So Carter, are you willing to sit here with me all night while we wait for Dipshit Dom to bring our girl back?"
"Only if you promise to be mean to him when we do, just for fun."
"Absolutely," he says, laughing. "It's our job to make sure she has the most realistic earthling child experience there is, right? Let's do this."
