AN: I made dis. I sorry if sucks.
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Chapter Thirteen, Part One: Déjà vu
The Langley Estate felt somber and cold despite its vastness and riotous gardens. Disquieting silence reigned, sparingly interrupted by a songbird or raven, which forced Shinji to tip toe his way into the kitchen in the early hours. No pets barked or meowed, and even the staff moved with caution, as if afraid to walk or breathe too loudly.
No sudden movements, Asuka repeated in his head, drawing a tiny smile. I know, still healing, blah blah blah, he whispered back. She was still fast asleep, the letter clutched in her grip as she lay coiled around his pillow. The discomfort threatening to drown him increase with the echo of his footsteps. His stride doubled once the kitchen door was in sight. The finely decorated gardens, the marbled walls and expensive artworks felt frighteningly akin to the emptiness of the Geofront.
All around him, the estate morphed into the old staircase he had hidden under on the day of Third Impact. He was under the roof of a man's whose daughter he had almost abused, and had tried to strangle. Stop. It's in your head. Asuka likes you, she brought you here to meet her family, not intimidate you with her status. Breathe, Shinji. Focus.
His hands trembled, almost dropping a knife atop the spacious counter. A phantom handgun pressed against the back of his head, cold and comforting. Nothing personal, kid.
"Breakfast in bed for my daughter? A valiant effort."
Shinji flinched and snapped his jaw closed so as not to scream in surprise. The gunman and NERV disappeared, replaced by the bemused smile of Asuka's father sitting at the breakfast table.
"Mr. Langley," he managed in a bitten whisper, and bowed. "Good morning, sir. Sorry for interrupting you."
"Nonsense," Peter waved off his apology similarly to how Asuka did. "If anything, the day just got interesting for me. I hear you're a rather skilled chef, so you'll understand if I take the chance to see the master at his craft. Feel free to use every ingredient you need. We are fairly well stocked."
"I'm no master," came the automatic reply. "I just like to cook. It's calming."
"For you, perhaps," Peter countered, laughing into his cup. "I lost count of the amount of times I tried to bring Asuka breakfast in bed, and I either scorched or undercooked the ingredients, regardless of the chef's constant monitoring. When I did manage to prepare something edible, it either ended on the wall, or all over me." He nodded at Shinji with devious smile. "I do wish you better fortune, though. And if you could be bothered; a portion of whatever you concoct this morning would be much appreciated."
"Right," Shinji said with a distracted nod. Already engrossed in preparing a filling, international breakfast, the elder Langley's words took a few minutes to sink in. "Wait, on the wall?"
"Or all over my pajamas, yes," added Peter with a somber tone. "Sometimes over my head. Asuka's always been crafty."
"Why did she-uhm." Shinji swallowed down the words. What is wrong with me? What am I, fifteen? "Sorry. I didn't mean to pry."
"Well, she's right about you constantly apologizing for no reason." Peter laughed kindheartedly and shook his head. "I brought up the subject. It seems only fair you have a warning of how irritable she can be in the early hours."
Shinji's brow furrowed in confusion. Asuka was usually up first, and humming to herself with a small smile as she lay next to him. Either that, or she would wake up screaming, thrashing about, whispering 'wait' or grumbling 'I'll kill you' repeatedly. The words from her latest letter resurfaced.
'I don't sleep well.'
Butter started sizzling in a pan, bringing Shinji back to reality. "Thank you, sir. For the warning, I mean, and for letting me use your kitchen," he said. "I'll try my best not to have her redecorate the walls."
"Good man," Peter chuckled, but his demeanor darkened. "Now, onto more pressing matters. Apologies for being so blunt, but I fear it runs in the family. Young man, you have spent… a small fortune and a vast number of hours keeping tabs on my daughter for the past seven years. All the while, you have abused substances such as cocaine, alcohol, and several prescription medications."
Shinji froze. The air within the large kitchen became strained as the feeling of inadequacy blossomed in his chest. It took all of his concentration to not start retching then and there. He forced a deep breath, two, three. Tell the truth, Asuka reminded him, then kissed the top of his head in his memory. Or at least, don't lie.
"I have," he confirmed.
"So you have," Peter agreed with a hint of sarcasm, and walked over to stand behind him. The man's presence was nothing like his father's, yet he still felt scolded and slightly intimidated. "Any particular reason why? You marched into my house unannounced and uninvited some years ago, started a fight with my security detail and almost hospitalized one of them. Letters, gifts, phone calls, private detectives, hell, even our Bundeskanzler has been used as your messenger."
"Yes," Shinji muttered, set the pan aside, and turned to meet Peter's gaze. Despite the overflowing emotions clouding his thoughts, the truth jumped out of his throat. "I love your daughter, very much so."
"And is this love the reason you've done all these violent acts I read about in the newspaper?" Peter pressed. His eyes narrowed at Shinji. "Street fights, drug and alcohol abuse, intimidation and vigilantism, destruction of private property, to name a few."
"No," Shinji replied curtly. "I'm afraid my upbringing and past experiences left me… damaged. Asuka has nothing to do with my transgressions. For years the trauma of being an Eva pilot clouded my judgment. I allowed it to lead me into a path of misery. I brought my own deterioration upon me." The stab wounds burned, the broken bones wailed. "Nowadays, I'm trying to heal. For my own sake, and… and to be worthy of your daughter, but that doesn't erase all these rotten things I did. I'm sorry for inconveniencing you and your family. I am, and I'd understand if my presence here is disruptive."
Peter stared at him for what felt like minutes, not saying a word, not even blinking. It reminded Shinji of Asuka's penetrating glare. Just as the air was turning thick in his lungs, Langley nodded once and smiled.
"Disruptive," he started. "We all make horrible mistakes in our youth, Shinji. It's part of growing up. A true sign of maturity, on the other hand, is taking accountability for said mistakes, and seeking to improve. I respect your dedication, so carry on. And as far as inconveniencing my family, or your presence being disruptive, heh." Peter pointed towards the hallway. "Don't let my wife or daughter hear you speak such foolishness. I'll never hear the end of it, and neither will you."
"But the security guard," Shinji insisted, more confused by every passing second. "The letters and all that, the private investigator," he added, face heating in embarrassment. "The calls an-"
"It's not like Asuka didn't empty her trust fund several times over doing the very same thing, Shinji," Peter cut in. He sat back down with a groan. "So, your intentions. With my daughter, I mean."
Marry her, the brat blurted out. Shinji coughed, almost choking on his breath. "I'd… like to try and make her smile," he said instead. "I'd like to date your daughter, and take care of her to the best of my capabilities."
"Is that so." Peter shrugged. "Normally this would be the part where I produce my Heckler and Koch, press it against your forehead and threaten to end your life if you ever hurt Asuka in any way, however," he turned to look at the corner of the room, much like Shinji did, "I have a feeling Kyoko would not approve. Be certain that I will do exactly that, even if Asuka hates me for the rest of her life, should I be forced to."
I can't get a single measure on this guy, Shinji thought with a hint of annoyance. He goes from nice, to somber, to slightly intimidating and then back to nice. Almost feels like he's doing it on purpose.
"I can never hurt Asuka, consciously at least," he insisted. "Not after everything we've been through. I should hope to do the very opposite, and maybe help her in whichever pathetic way I can. If that means a warm meal thrown at the wall, or on my face, I should hope for such a cheap price." A smile drew on his features. Jackson's words from a training session forever ago rang in his ears. "Even if we struggle in an unsightly way, eventually every small action will bear fruit."
A plate of freshly grilled bacon, lightly toasted bread and fluffy scrambled eggs was presented to his 'prospective father-in-law'. "Guten Apetit, sir."
Shinji excused himself and tip-toed back into the bedroom, trying in vain not to succumb to the renewed wave of nausea which jumped into his throat. There had been something in the room with him and Peter, floating… hanging from a corner, glaring at the older man. Something dark, furious, and cold. The door to Asuka's room blinked in and out of focus as he opened it. Itches manifested all over his skin, not unlike those of withdrawal. His stomach flipped, every pore on his body began to sweat without reprieve despite the cold. He barely had enough time to place the meal on the nearest table before a heave forced him to slap a hand around his mouth.
Bile jumped into his throat. Shinji vomited into the toilet, gaze darkening, as tremors and muscle spasms ran across his body.
"You are just incorrigible."
Peter grinned as he chewed on the delicious food. "Why, yes," he said in between bites. "I have been waiting for this chance for seven years, dear. Can you blame an old man setting boundaries for his little girl?"
Laughter came from behind, mingled with the sound of the noose. "Your intimidation tactic didn't work, did it?" his wife inquired, stealing a hefty spoonful of his breakfast. "I'd imagine someone who had a front row seat to the end of the world would not much flinch at your threats, gun included."
"True," Peter nodded. "The man saw our daughter…" He swallowed down the nausea as the memories of Asuka's last stand resurfaced in his mind. "He saw the most hideous parts of humanity, and yet there he stands. Never have I seen eyes so haunted."
"Did you manage to make him less uncomfortable, though?" Katya inquired next, then hummed in satisfaction when he nodded. "I'd take that as a victory in itself. Shinji seems to hold you in very high esteem."
"Still trying to figure out why that is," commented Peter, and surrendered the rest of his breakfast to his hungry wife. "As to whether my little charade helped him feel more at home, I'd assume Asuka will inform me of it soon enough. I was a deadbeat for the better part of my child's life. I doubt her opinion of me has changed at all, nor should it. Why should Shinji think any different?"
"Men," Katya grumbled, and emptied the dish in seconds. "You never read between the lines. Asuka has matured a whole lot, and regardless of whether she admits it or not, she's noticed how hard you've tried in these seven years."
Has she now? Peter thought with a sad smile. Not that there's any way to make up for my actions in her childhood. "She is right to detest me."
"She called you dad the other day," Katya revealed. Her words shook Peter to his core. "Not Papa, not 'old man', not 'deadbeat asshole'," she added, giggling. "Dad. 'Can you put dad on the phone?' were her exact words. So, dearest, have a little more faith… and don't be surprised if she spends a bit more time with you than expected."
There is something we're missing, Peter's gut whispered. Kyoko, am I being played here? The ghost offered no response, not even the courtesy of swinging from side to side to either confirm or deny his fear. "Is there anything you know that I don't, dear?"
"Me? Don't be silly, Peter! As if your precious daughter would ever share something with me of all people." Katya laughed and stood to leave for their bedroom. "Now, stop antagonizing Shinji with those dumb little mood swings!"
Never, his mind provided, while his face offered an innocent smile. "Will do, my love. No worries."
"And get yourself presentable for tonight! Asuka wants us to have a family dinner!"
"Yes, my love," came Peter's automatic reply. Then, the words sunk in, and the cup he had been holding almost slipped off his grasp. "Wait, a what?"
"Dinner," Asuka repeated. "With my family."
The sound of heaving and the scent of freshly cooked bacon had welcomed her back to consciousness. Her elation towards breakfast had been short-lived, however, when whimpers and coughs diverted her attention to the bathroom.
"Ugh…" Shinji panted, chin resting on the bowl. His shirt was drenched in sweat, skin cold and clammy to the touch, as though he was in shock. "Sure?"
Crouching next to him, she grabbed a fistful of toilet paper and wiped away the filth and snot dangling from his chin and nose. Shinji's gaze, stoic and cold, avoided hers; it lingered instead on the letters slashed on his arm, on the toilet bowl, or on the bathroom tiles. Another heave racked his body, but there was nothing else in his stomach to throw up.
"Looks like coffee and some orange juice," she commented, feigning nonchalance and disregarding the acrid odor. "Good, you didn't retch my Thai red curry. I take pride in that recipe, by the way."
"You should," Shinji mumbled. She noticed the familiar clenching and unclenching of his hand had resumed with a vengeance. "It was delicious."
"No fever," Asuka continued, ignoring his words of praise. "So this isn't food poisoning. If it were, I'd be in the next bathroom voiding half my body weight." Shinji chuckled and coughed, which lifted some of the concern nestling in her chest. "You're not trying to scratch away the first two layers of skin of your face, so this isn't withdrawal. And you can quit trying to hide under the lame armor, idiot. I learned to look through it weeks ago."
"Fine," Shinji relented at last. His muscles unwound to a degree, and the perspiration lessened. "I don't suppose this is how you wanted to start your first morning back home."
"This isn't home," Asuka countered instantly. "You know that. This is my parents' house. An old, empty box full of pretentious, useless crap. Will you tell me what's going on, or are you keeping that 'Asshole King' persona, like your gym friend Kamila calls it?" Her eyes narrowed. "I see you, Shinji."
Four, three, two, one, she mused, smirking. The mask slid off her boyfriend's features. His shoulders relaxed, and his forehead collided with the toilet bowl. Asshole mode disengaged. Baka mode activated.
"Sorr-ugh." Shinji corrected himself, knowing a well-aimed pinch to his side was the recompense for his automated reply. His uncertain gaze met hers."I feel out of place here. For the longest time I wanted to come here and see you, but," He shook his head and choked out another dry heave. "Now that I'm here, the very walls scream at me to get the hell out."
Asuka's brow furrowed. "Have you been seeing anything, or anyone?" she asked softly. "Your mother, Mari? Gendo Ikari?"
"Not really?" Shinji responded as she helped him to his feet and onto the sink. "They're sort of always right around the corner, like a shadow." He brushed his teeth in a rush; she saw the embarrassment settle on his posture as though it were a boulder. "But they've been quiet, mostly out of sight."
"So, you're having an anxiety attack," Asuka realized. To Shinji's surprise, she took a seat beside him on the bed and wrapped him in a one-armed embrace. "I had a lot of those, especially whenever the thought of confessing what I did came to mind. Nothing short of Polish gruel could settle my stomach."
"Ugh, strong pass on the gruel," Shinji said. His head nestled atop hers. "But thanks for the offer."
"Sure thing, Ba-Ka."
Feeling Shinji's body relax against hers, Asuka realized uncertainty also gnawed at her insides. How long now, until he realized what she had done to Mari was unforgivable? How long now, until he tired of being with a woman who had already betrayed and abandoned him? How many more wonderful memories could she harvest, before it all turned to ash?
"First a panic attack in the airport, and now another one in your parents' house," Shinji rasped, coughing into his hand. "Pathetic."
"You know what I find pathetic?" Asuka countered, pinching his shoulder. "Hiding in a luxury box for seven years while you fought on, alone. None of this bullshit means a thing to me, it never has. Even Misato's shitty apartment was better than this gilded cage."
"I don't remember being in a place like this, well, ever," Shinji said after a few seconds of comfortable silence. "Just makes me think how different our years apart were. It makes me wonder what the hell I can offer after dragging myself through run-down canteens and slums for so long. Take away all my trauma, and I'm still just some lame, boring Japanese guy who lives alone in a small apartment."
"Lame," Asuka echoed. "Boring. Hmm, that's how I've always thought of this place. But;" She dragged them both to bed and set her head on his chest. "Making you feel like you don't belong was the last thing I wanted to do. We can leave today if you want."
Come on, idiot. Get the hint so I can wallow in my own insecurities, her mind barked while her stomach grumbled in hunger.You're not the only one drowning in your sense of inadequacy. Let alone the fact that I shouldn't be allowed within twenty feet of you.
"Sorry," Shinji said. "Wait, wait, I mean it this time, as well." He laughed after she pinched the skin under his ear. "This is nice," he added. She noticed his racing heartbeat settled at last. "You always find a way to calm me down."
"Nah, I just help a little. You held it together all the way back to the bedroom, even made breakfast and everything," she replied. "I'd assume my deadbeat father helped get you worked up, didn't he? He's usually up really early."
"Your father?" Shinji almost choked on his last breath, and gently untangled from her embrace. "Not really. It was the opposite, him talking to me distracted me for a while," he added, hobbling over to the table where her breakfast rested. "Uhm, what's this?"
"It's my portable medical kit. Your gauze pads, tweezers, scalpel." Asuka outstretched her hand. "I'm hungry, idiot."
"Aye aye, Captain," acknowledged Shinji with a mocking salute. He handed her the plate and began inspecting her spacious room with a mildly curious stare. "Sorry if it's cold. I can go back to the kitchen and fix you a fresh plate if you want."
"Nonsense. No need to throw away perfectly good food," Asuka retorted. She gulped down a mouthful of cold scrambled eggs, and forced out the image of Mari burning out of her mind. "So. Dinner. With my family."
Her glare was intense enough that Shinji started tip-toeing his way around her belongings. She devoured another serving of perfectly cooked toast smothered in butter, eyes darting ever so briefly to the crumpled up letter lying on the mattress.
"Dinner," Shinji echoed as he pretended to inspect her diplomas. "I mean, sure! I just hope… I don't want to make things weird or uncomfortable."
"Then just be yourself," she responded with ease. "Be the charming idiot that you are, do that gentleman thing you learned how to do, and that's it."
"I can promise I'll try my best," mentioned Shinji. He scratched at the letters branded in his bicep, and carefully picked up a scalpel from the medical kit resting by her window. "Your father is… rather protective of you."
"Nowadays, you mean," Asuka murmured, turning to glare at her plate. "And this is barely a seven point three," Asuka emphasized with faux disappointment dancing in her voice. "I knew it, it was the dumb geezer who got you so worked up. Did he actually do that stupid thing he does with the gun? Pfft, as if you didn't grow up next to Misato and her 'trigger friendly' policy."
"He did mention something about a pistol, but I wasn't held at gunpoint," Shinji said, then pointed to her plate."It's cold, so it's bound to not be the greatest right now. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Just didn't want to… show you up… in your own house, you know."
One of her pillows flew through the air and missed its target. Shinji dodged it with ease and barely any discomfort. "As if besting me in the kitchen is some grand thing, bah," Asuka said, and consumed her breakfast with ravenous hunger despite the poor scoring. "You're the best cook there is, period."
Blood rushed to both their faces at Asuka's words.
"W-Well, I don't even know how to cook Thai food yet," Shinji replied. More of the boy she remembered glistened under his hardened armor. "Nor any Latin American dishes, or more than the basics of Italian or French cuisin-"
"Hey, idiot," Asuka interrupted with a groan. "Just take the compliment."
"Right, sorry."
A small smile grew on her features. A word she had once detested now brought about a sense of fulfillment, and quieted the self-deprecating banter in her head.So the old you was dead, was he? Pfft, you idiot. I could always see you, no matter how hard you tried to hide.
"So." Her boyfriend started gathering discarded garments from the floor and folding them into a neat little pile. "What's the plan for today?"
"It starts with you not trying to tidy up my room," Asuka replied, taking a hold of the letter. "It also involves you reading this letter to me, and possibly a family dinner." Her eyes darted away when Shinji addressed her with a puzzled look. "A little assistance would be appreciated."
"Huh?" It took a few seconds for Asuka's first request to register. After it did, Shinji nodded to himself and sat back on the mattress next to her. "Of course, I'd love to help," he said. "I thought you wanted to go to the University today, as well."
"Yeah. I have some… stuff… to pick up," Asuka admitted. Her gaze danced between the wrinkled paper on her right, and the young man to her left. "We can swing by before noon. Shouldn't take too long, and you get to see the campus. Maybe I'll even buy you a coffee."
"Hm, are you asking me on a date, Madam Sohryu?" came the somewhat snide response.
"I absolutely am, Mr. Hero of Tokyo," she retorted with a smirk. Something between a cough and a chortle escaped Shinji. "Wanna go see some old buildings, shopping malls, street food vendors, and lots of stressed out college students?"
"Sounds like a plan." Shinji laid back on the bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling. "I'll try not to embarrass you in front of your friends."
Asuka flinched ever so slightly. Yeah, the word 'friends' might have been a bit of an exaggeration, she mused. I don't have a crew like yours, not even an angry tomboy like that Kiara girl to follow me around.
"You've seen the news, Shinji," she whispered instead, and sought out his hand. "I've done plenty of embarrassing shit, most of which was broadcast for the world to see."
"Considering the amount of embarrassing shit I've done through the years, I'm still shocked nearly anybody stares," admitted Shinji with a the small smile she adored. "I'd hand them their teeth if they did, anyway."
"Ooh, the big, bad Baka returns to protect his damsel!" Asuka joked with a poke to Shinji's midsection. "I like that. Knowing you'd rip them apart if they made me feel uncomfortable. It's nice. Just don't… follow through unless the situation demands it. Deal?"
Shinji squeezed her hand. "Deal," he said, turning to the snatch the letter before she could steal it away. "Speaking of embarrassing ourselves, this might just be the right time for this." His head fell on her lap, uninvited but not unwelcome. "Quiet morning, pleasant company, good weather. What better way to mess it all up than with this particular clusterfuck?"
Asuka flicked his forehead, earning a growl and a chuckle. "Language, idiot."
"Fine, language. There's some swear words in this letter, I think."
"You have a rich lexicon, what with your studies of philosophy and whatnot. Be original."
"Whatever you say." Shinji cleared his throat, ripped the envelope open and groaned in satisfaction as her fingers threaded through his hair. "'Dear Asuka, this is probably the last letter I will ever write. I wanted it to be addressed to you, you see…"
"'… there really is no problem on my end. We can have a clean slate, build something on top of the ruin that was our failed relationship, and go from there. I think your presence, at this point, would be beneficial in Shinji's recovery."
Misato snorted in derision and made a conscious effort to throw the piece of paper in the trashcan. The morning was quiet, overly quiet without Rei's presence, which angered and confused her mother even more.
"Seems very reasonable to me, all things considered," Kaji offered as he sipped on his coffee. "Asuka's not known for being reasonable, nor for giving second chances for that matter."
"Yeah, yeah, how very reasonable of her to leave a letter of all things," Misato countered, scowling. "We've been 'communicating' just fine over the phone, what's with this?"
"Asuka hates letters," her husband replied. "Writing or receiving them, she actually abhors it. So, this was probably something that was impossible for her to say to your face, or through the phone. It was important to her, so she wrote it down. For you."
"Right, and this instantly turns her pushing Shinji over a rail, running away to Germany and hiding under her father's cloak for seven years… into water under the bridge or something?" Misato started pacing around the kitchen without noticing, letter clutched tightly in her hand. "I'm supposed to just accept this and do as she says, after she put her hands on you and gave you a permanent scar?"
"Yes."
"Ugh, why are you still not upset about… well, any of it!" she bellowed at the empty house. "And why did Toji happen to be such a good babysitter? I miss my baby!"
"Duly noted, dear." Kaji emptied the cup and smiled, igniting more of her ire. "Do I get to hear the end of the letter before you set it on fire with your gaze alone?"
"Fine, stupid letter, stupid Asuka, stupid husband," she mumbled, and reluctantly sat back down. "'I'm aware you'll never believe me, but I regret what I did seven years ago. I do, it eats away at me every single day, just like every rotten thing I said about him, just like what I did to Mari. I thought the discomfort, the pain would fade with time. It never did. I'm sorry, Misato.'" Her fist came down on the table. "God damn you…" she bit out through gritted teeth. "You're using my Shin-chan to get on my good side."
"Is it working?" Kaji inquired. As if to rouse more of her ire, he started prodding around his new scar. "Her strategy, I mean. Timing is everything; she knew you'd blow her off if this was done in person. You two are not quite there yet," he carried on, eyes fixed on their daughter's room. "But the general consensus is that Shinji needs you in his life, and now wants you in his life. Timing."
"She's not some magician to wave her little fingers around and heal all of Shinji's traumas and problems," Misato countered. "Nor is she anyone to tell me when it's time to get closer to to my surrogate son. Listen to this. 'I'm sorry for all the heartache I've caused; it's plenty, I know. I can't make up for it. I can't heal Shinji like some magici-" Kaji chortled, earning himself a deadly glare. "Ahem, '-some magician, but I'll do whatever I can. Not because I have to, but because I want to. I want to be able to talk to you. If you need to scream or hit me, go ahead. I won't fight back. Just don't give up on the idiot. Don't give up on us, Misato.'"
"Love, Asuka," said Kaji, as though able to read the letter from across the table. He smiled, the expression which had won over her heart years before. "Isn't this what you wanted, dear? Your family finally reunited. Shinji not hell-bent on killing himself, Asuka finally paying for what she did in the healthiest way possible. And your daughter out of the house for one afternoon."
"Seems more like an ultimatum to me," Misato complained. "Either I accept her as a package deal with Shinji, or get neither. All right, then. Contrary to popular belief, I am capable of a little diplomacy." She smirked despite her foul mood, for once grateful that Toji had volunteered to babysit Rei. "Dear, be my dearest and bring your beautiful pregnant wife paper and a pen, if you would."
"Would parchment and a feather suffice, my Queen? Perhaps the finest ink the kingdom has to offer is proper for the occasion," Kaji joked, handing her one of Rei's coloring books and a pink pencil. "Ah, and the family seal, of course. I'll fetch the red wax and the ring."
"Fetch your queen some ramen while you're at it, dear." Her smirk widened. "Time to finally make Ritsu proud of me."
"Hell no."
Peter's lip and eyebrow twitched violently enough for even Asuka to notice. It did little to deter her as she walked past him without another word and handed her smaller backpack to Fritz. His effort to block the main door was met with a roll of the eyes at best, and once all other options were gone, he grabbed onto her arm.
"Let go before you lose the limb," Asuka whispered. Her statement sounded like a promise, not a threat. "I'm late for my flight."
"You're not leaving like this, not again," Peter countered. "I'm not stopping you, Asuka. I know I can't," he clarified, loosening the hold with great care upon noticing the girl's other hand was curled in a fist. "But I'm not letting you go like before."
"Before what?" she snarled back. "Before you sent me off to war while you fucked your new wife? Before I got torn to shreds and put back together? Before I lost Mama, the only thing I had left?"
"Exactly. I never went to see you off." Peter's head lowered, breaking eye contact. The invisible noose tightened around his neck as Kyoko glared from behind. "You went through so much and I did not so much as call. Please." He paused, choking out a wretched sob. "Let me do what I did not do then. Let me hold you."
Asuka snatched back her arm and crossed both across her chest. He could see her body trembling from withdrawal, the pale tinge of her skin, how her cheeks were sunken in, how her frame was skin and bones. "Fine," she growled. "Be glad my doctor and professors drone on endlessly about forgiveness and letting go. Make it quick."
Attempting to ignore how warm and clammy Asuka's skin felt was torture. "I'm so sorry, Asuka. I'm so sorry that I allowed all of this to happen. I should have protected you, I should have never allowed NERV to take you as a candidate, that's…" Peter choked back tears. "That's what a father is supposed to do. I have failed you so many times, and now, there's no guarantee you will come back to me. Please, be safe. Please. I love you."
"Whatever, I forgive you, I guess," Asuka replied after a few seconds, nonchalant. She pushed him away and threw a lazy punch at his shoulder. "Stop being such a deadbeat, though."
"… and then she went off to Thailand," Peter told the ghost that swung in the corner. Sad, how it was too early to have some whiskey. "I knew there was a big chance she wouldn't come back alive, and yet she did. Stronger than ever."
The apparition said nothing. Its neck craned, broken bones crunching, so as to glower at him more effectively.
"Remember how she used to dress?" he carried on, glad his wife was out grocery shopping, and his daughter was on the other side of the house. "Not a care in the world given to her appearance after she broke it off with Moritz. Sometimes she'd leave the house with nothing but those baggy clothes and a lab coat. Heh, reminded me of you a little."
His daughter's interest in fashion and her own image had steadily declined through the years. At first, it was all she cared about; being adulated and seen by the masses, being respected by strangers and recognized as a hero. The period had lasted less than a year.
Chasing her academic pursuits and oblivion took over soon after. Asuka would party as strongly as she would study, and spend little to no time enjoying either activity. She molded herself into the persona the media desired, the volatile Second Child. She threw temper tantrums, tried to end her life many times, and detested him above all things. As if to spite him, she dressed more provocatively and pretended not to care if the masses saw her scars.
"Then came the attempt on Shinji's life," he muttered to the empty room. "And where was I, Kyoko? Panicking. Ignoring. Taking baby steps like a coward. Time has run out I suppose, and I have nothing to show for it."
As if on cue, the sound of footsteps echoed through the hallway. The couple had been exercising in the family gym for the better part of two hours, which came as a shock to Peter after he recalled the extent of Shinji's injuries. Ah, there I go again, underestimating you, Kyoko. The corpse crossed its arms and scoffed. Of course, of course.
"-cause you didn't do the kick like I told you!" Asuka's voice rang out. "That leg's not ready to hold your weight for so long!"
"Oh, come on!" Shinji countered with similar ardor. "I managed! It's not like it's hurting or anything. I'm fine!"
"You're limping!"
"I've been limping for months, damn it! I said I'm fine." Shinji's laughter filtered through. "But thanks for worrying. I'll take it easier next time."
"Ugh, whatever," Asuka groaned, and in his mind's eye Peter saw her press her head against Shinji's side. "Idiot."
"Your idiot."
"Yeah, yeah," Asuka muttered, then nodded in her father's general direction. Shinji offered a formal bow and excused himself after a heartfelt greeting. Oh boy, here it comes. Don't talk to Shinji without my permission. Stop meddling in my life, you deadbeat. You have no right to ask him anyth-
"Hey," Asuka's calm voice startled Peter, walking towards him. "I heard you didn't pull out the gun. What's up with that?"
"One must not show all the cards at once, Asuka," Peter replied. "Always leave some room for surprises. Didn't I teach you that a year ago?"
"Sure." Asuka said with a painfully familiar roll of her eyes. "We'll be gone for the afternoon; the idiot keeps insisting on seeing my campus and office." She paused, taking a deep breath. "Listen, before Shinji and I started training, he… read me something," she carried on, inching closer to Peter with every word. "Something that I was pondering on for a while."
That's it? Again, just like this? A sliver of panic slid into Peter's mind, blooming into paralyzing anxiety. Don't I get just a tiny fraction of time with her? He demanded to whatever deity existed, hands unconsciously turning into fists. God damn it, Kyoko. You couldn't give me even a little respit-
"I call you a deadbeat all the time, but the truth is you've been doing everything you possibly can not to be," Asuka started, making Peter's train of thought derail. "I'm hard on you because you left me after Mama died. You abandoned me to NERV, and the sick relationship I had with my status as a pilot consumed me," she let out a sigh. "But that's done. You took Shinji's letters and gifts from my hands and kept them safe. You allowed yourself to be shamed, showered in hot broth and marmalade, yelled at, and disrespected. You protected me from the backlash of my own stupidity, you started worrying about my health, physical and mental. You insisted that I stop my self-destructive cycle. Somehow, you drew a line and started to act like a parent. My father."
"Asuka," Peter breathed, taken aback. "I-I don't kn-"
"Not done, old man," Asuka interrupted. Her hardened gaze fixed on his. "Yes, I'm taking my stuff to Japan. Yes, I'm going to be living and working there for the foreseeable future. That doesn't mean I don't want to see you. If Shinji likes this big, empty house and the dumb forests and castles, then I'd be willing to come back once a year, maybe more. And I'd expect your deadbeat butt to make an effort and travel to Japan, as well."
"Wh-Japan?" The information finished sinking in, and suddenly the anvil stuck to his hip loosened, and fell into the void. "I'd be delighted," he said in a much calmer tone. "Me and Katya can stay in a hotel nearby, and whenever you visit, you two can have the west wing of the house."
"Good, so you agree, then," Asuka concluded dryly, and extended her hand. "Shake on it. Give me your word. You'll keep trying not to be a shitty father, and I'll keep letting you."
Peter shook his daughter's hand with vehemence, forcing back tears. "It's a deal, darling."
It was the first time Asuka did not object to the pet name. Peter blinked and realized the attire she was wearing was much more feminine than anything he'd seen in years. The yellow sundress hugged her frame and flowed to her ankles beautifully, a larger version of that old garment he had gifted her years before. Golden earrings and a necklace glistened, complementing the bracelet that danced on her right wrist.
"What?" Asuka demanded after what felt like minutes of a comfortable silence. "What are you looking at?"
"You look beautiful," he replied. "Is that the dress Katya gifted you last year? I haven't seen you wear it yet."
"And the earrings you got me, yeah," Asuka said, hiding her face under a curtain of red tresses. "They go well with the bracelet. Anyway, don't be annoying at dinner tonight. And thanks, I… wasn't sure about the dress." She looked away, as if uncertain. A tiny shred of her armor came down. "This is the part where you hug me and stuff."
Needing no further encouragement, Peter trapped Asuka in a fierce embrace. Her arms snaked around his frame and patted his back a few times, to his everlasting shock. For a few precious seconds he was able to forget the dangling sound of the rope.
"Does Shinji know?" Peter whispered deviously. "That my lovely 'I don't give a damn about dressing in any way for anyone' daughter is making a conscious effort to look attractive?"
Asuka pushed him away, eliciting a similar chuckle from both. "Probably, yeah. He's not that much of an idiot, after all," she elucidated with a smirk. Peter still caught the pinkish tinge around her cheeks and nose. "So, what do you think?"
"Of your Baka-Shinji?" Peter inquired with a broad smile. "I'm a fan, of course. That aside, he seems like a young man with principle. He's clearly been through hellish hardships, to put it mildly, and yet he's capable of kindness and respect. That is the truest sign of strength." He nodded towards the door. "You were right about him."
"Hah! Aren't I always?" Asuka retorted, turning towards the door, hair and dress dancing with the wind. "See you later, old man."
The pair departed for their date, while Peter stayed by the door for what felt like hours, watching the leaves fall off the trees. Somehow, the image of Asuka jogging through the door with a satisfied, carefree smile on her face burned itself into his mind and soul. Expecting the noose to manifest at any given time and rob him of the tiny moment of respite, Peter headed to the kitchen at around midday. Instead of the usual whiskey, he grabbed the fruit smoothie Asuka had left for him in the freezer.
'STOP DRINKING SO MUCH DAMN WHISKEY. I WON'T FORGIVE YOU IF YOU MAKE A SCENE TONIGHT.'
"As the Princess commands," he muttered. "Old man. Hmm, certainly sounds nicer than 'deadbeat', doesn't it, Kyoko?"
"Ugh, that was horrible."
Shinji chuckled, gaze switching to his girlfriend. She had been clinging to his arm ever since emerging from the house, pouting in a particular fashion. "No, it wasn't," he rebuked, then turned to Fritz. "Mr. Weber, do you believe her?"
"Not a word, Master Ikari," the bodyguard said. "She is clearly masking her urge to smile."
"Right?" Shinji poked at one of Asuka's cheeks, which earned him a 'heated' glare. "How horrible was it on a scale of one to ten?"
"What, with ten being me coming back home to find you drooling over yourself on the couch?" Asuka bit back in an effort to deflect. She never let go of his arm. "Or maybe ten being helping you in and out of the shower after you almost reopened the stitches?"
"Sure," Shinji replied without missing a beat. "Was your father happy to know you're in fact not trying to cut him out of your life completely?"
"Twelve," she intoned with a pinch to the jagged letters around his bicep. "Twelve out of ten. Do you have any clue how awkward it was? I've done little else than belittle the man for the better part of a decade."
"Change is always a good thing," Shinji said. Another pinch, a harder one. "Change is often a good thing."
"Stupid Shinji, stupid letter making me say stupid things to the stupid old man," Asuka grumbled, shifting closer to him. "I guess all those books you read taught you a thing or two of how to write something powerful."
"That, or the alcohol," he shot back. Asuka's knuckles lightly smacked against his arm, making both men in the car share a laugh. "I'm glad you liked the letter. I can honestly say it was about the only one I enjoyed writing."
"Yeah, yeah, fuck you," Asuka snapped.
"I know you want to," he whispered back deviously. The brat panicked and locked himself in his cage, while the shadow screamed out in victory. "We have to behave in public, though. Your words, not mine."
"Idiot," she added. "Yes, my idiot. I'm aware. You behave, damn it. When did you start cracking jokes, again?"
"About three years ago," he answered with a wider smirk. "Krista insisted. Called me a, and I quote, 'boring, bitter asshole with no redeeming qualities outside the kitchen', so I called her a bitch. And so it began."
"That's not a joke," Asuka argued, her grip becoming increasingly possessive. "That's an insult. I knew it, that Karina girl is a bad influence."
Karina? That's a new one, Shinji thought. The scenery changed; gone were the hills and trees, replaced by buildings, cars, and pedestrians in a permanent hurry. I wonder if she walked, took the train, or if she just told Fritz to lo-wait.
"Did you ever walk to and from college?" Shinji asked. "I used to take these long walks after class. It helped me think."
"I bet the hundreds of innocent banana trees you pummeled before and after class were happy about your 'long walks'," Asuka retorted. "And not really, I had Fritz take me there and pick me up. I wanted to avoid distractions. Classmates, college parties, dumb jocks and airhead bimbos, annoying professors and the occasional ass staring at me in the street. No thanks."
"To be fair, madam," Fritz interjected. Shinji caught a glimpse of mischief in the older man's gaze. "You'd take your fair share of walks after class on a certain date." He shrugged off Asuka's unspoken threat. "On June the 6th, if memory serves, you would always walk back to the estate. You would walk around the city in circles, muttering to yourself, and proceed to pace in your room for hours afterwards."
"June the 6th, eh?" Shinji poked at her cheek again. "I remember those calls."
"Bullshit," she mumbled. "You were black-out drunk on your last five birthdays. I'd be surprised you knew what day it was, let alone that I made my typical, pathetic effort to hear your voice."
"You sneezed three years ago," he said. The bizarre comment took Asuka by surprise. "During the call, I mean. I was rambling about the guys at the gym who came looking for trouble, and you sneezed. You hung up after that."
The ride continued in silence until they were a few hundred meters away from what Shinji assumed to be the University campus. Asuka had refused to part from his arm, snuggling closer to him with every bump on the road, yet still refusing to elaborate on her mysterious June hikes.
"I caught a cold," Asuka elucidated once they arrived at the faculty's parking lot. "It rained the night before while I was… uhm…"
"Getting Master Ikari a gift you later deemed unworthy," Fritz interjected. "This cycle repeated itself four times, in four different stores."
"Fritz!"
"After the second potential gift was discarded, it started to rain. Not that it discouraged her; she stepped into the car soaked to the bone, at around 11pm." Fritz nodded in Shinji's direction as he locked the car and removed his driving gloves. "She was sniffling when we arrived at the estate."
"Fritz!" Asuka almost shrieked. "I did not give you clearance to share that with the idiot!"
"Did you get me something nice?" Shinji wondered aloud, enjoying how young Asuka looked when embarrassed. And only you get to see this side of her, loser, the shadow grumbled. Only you. Only Shinji. "Did you give me that present already? Wait, was it the watch?"
"No, it was not the watch, damn you," grumbled Asuka. "Can't believe I wore this ridiculous dress just to be mocked and m-"
Shinji's lips pressed against hers without warning, drowning out the rest of her faux complaints with a contented sigh. The fight drained from her, her arms snaked around his neck. Her hand grabbed a fistful of his hair and forcibly separated them.
"No, I haven't given you that particular present yet," she clarified. "And yes, it is very nice. You'll get it when you get it. Now, say something nice about me to save your undeserving behind," Asuka demanded in a low hiss. "Something that will make me reconsider leaving you stranded here."
I'm perfectly able to find my way back to the estate, the stubborn side of his brain provided. I know your address by memory, woman. I can probably find it blindfolded. "I love the way that dress looks on you. Reminds me of the first time we met. Not that it matters, you look great in everything."
Asuka's face bristled crimson. She untangled form his hold and stomped towards the nearest building, hands curled into fists. "Good!" She roared, drawing the inquisitive stares of a few students. "Now hurry up! Congrats on making me uncomfortable, you pair of jerks!"
With a nod to the older man, Shinji calmly strode forward, minding to take his time to reach Asuka's side. He drank in the massive building that extended at all sides, the marble statue of Alexander von Humboldt at the entrance, and the hectic students hurrying off to one room or the other. Several youngsters and some professors spared him the occasional, lingering glance that morphed into slight shock afterwards.
I suppose Germans are a lot like Japanese, Shinji realized. They mind their own business for the most part. The stares tripled once he clasped his hand around Asuka's. Some began to whisper and point, yet he felt no ill will nor mockery in their eyes. If anything, they looked relieved. Happy even. After the couple entered the building, two old men dressed in medical garb smiled, nodding to them both.
"What's with everybody's sunny disposition?" Shinji asked as they walked up the stairs. "They all look… glad to see you."
"They're glad to see you," clarified Asuka with a dismissive wave of her free hand. She hid her face under the curtain of crimson locks. "The fact that I… harbored very intense feelings towards a certain idiot may or may not have been a 'known secret'."
"So," he started, gulping down a sudden wave of nervousness. "They're happy we're… together?"
"Yes, Shinji," Asuka ground out. She sounded somewhat embarrassed. "Everyone's happy we're together. Well, everyone but Misato, but who cares about her?" She then smiled and poked at his uninjured side with her elbow. "You care about her, don't you? So very much. She's your little auntie-mother-sister thing."
"I guess," he replied. As subtle as a bullet, Shinji thought with mirth. "It's a little weird," he admitted. I don't belong here. Prestigious college, wealthy family and friends, social status. What the hell do I know about any of that? "I don't want to mess anything up. So, where are we going?"
"Psychology faculty," Asuka snapped, and shot one particular professor a nasty look after his eyes lingered on Shinji for too long. "Don't think for a second your little episode this morning is getting pushed under the rug. I said you'd meet my therapist today. Feel free to talk to him about those feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty."
"Yeah, how about no," Shinji responded. His mood darkened in seconds. "I hate therapists. All of them." Asuka gave him a knowing look, making him roll his eyes. "Most of them. How about we meet your friends before the therapist?"
Asuka's feet came to a screeching halt. Shinji was shocked to see a sad, defeated smile cloud her features. "You met Fritz some time ago, and trainer Gae. Aside from them, well," she said. The melancholy in her voice cut through Shinji's chest like a serrated knife. "I don't have any friends, not real ones. For the longest time, I thought that my only friend were you."
"Oh," he stated flatly. "I'm… sorry to hear that."
"Don't be," Asuka added. "I'll elaborate once we get to the doctor."
After a few minutes, they reached a particularly small office at the end of a particularly massive hallway. Asuka paused by the door. Her hand tightened around his.
"Your place is right here, next to me," she quietly said. "I know this all feels… off. The limo, the bodyguards, the stupid empty mansion. I'd have to be blind or stupid, or both, to not notice it makes you uncomfortable. We don't have to come back here if y-"
Following the shadow's instruction, Shinji stole yet another kiss. Asuka retaliated in kind, taking a possessive hold on his hair. "You're uncomfortable, too," he whispered. "Long talk at lunch, away from all this?" he offered. "I like our conversations."
"Sounds good, Baka." Before she opened the door, Asuka's lips briefly brushed against his. "You know, you're the first person to say you enjoy talking to me."
The door opened, and Shinji's carefully crafted response was replaced by hateful mush.
Okay, he didn't descend into a fit of rage, nor did he turn back and leave. That's a win, right?
Sitting next to him on the large couch, Asuka could feel her boyfriend's animosity increase with every passing second. She was aware he detested therapists despite his own interest in psychology, and had crossed his arms after shaking the doctor's hand. He's been paraded around like some interesting experiment for almost a decade, she thought.Of course he'll hate this.
"Asuka," the doctor said. He gave her a warm smile. "You look much better than the last time we spoke."
"Thank you, doctor," she replied, instantly drawing Shinji's attention to her. Surprised I'm polite to him, are you. "I resumed my training schedule, albeit with a couple of alterations."
"Of course." Both their gazes briefly fixed on Shinji. "Mr. Ikari, it's a pleasure."
"I bet it is," Shinji growled. Asuka glared at him, to no avail. "You worked in GEHIRN," he stated next, eyes narrowing. "You knew my father, and my mother."
"I was in the same room as them once or twice, yes," the doctor acknowledged. "I'm afraid I never had the pleasure of conversing with either, however."
Asuka's heart hammered loudly in her ears. It took all of her concentration to keep a calm facade; every instinct told her Shinji could explode in a fit of rage at any moment. Trust. Trust him. Shinji won't hurt him, because that would hurt me.
"Some pleasure," he spat out, but after sharing a long, tense glance with her, took a deep breath and shook his head. "Do you always conduct your practice in Japanese, Doctor Seip?"
"Not at all," Dieter replied, crossing his legs. "Asuka insisted, she is aware I am fluent Japanese, and demanded we carry out the sessions in this way so she can practice."
"I see," Shinji muttered. He sought her hand and squeezed. "And do you call all your clients by their first name?"
"Again, no. Asuka is adamant on this matter, as well." Seip sat back on his chair and scribbled a few notes. "'Ms. Sohryu was my mother, and I am Asuka', I believe were her exact words."
Say something, her mind screamed. Shame not unlike the one from those many phone calls held her jaw in a vice grip. Something, anything. This is supposed to be the moment where you lay it out, the truth of that day seven years ago. Say it.
"Sounds like her," Shinji conceded, and offered her hand another gentle squeeze. "What was a clinical psychologist doing working with GEHIRN?"
"A rather pleasant change of pace," Dieter commented offhandedly. "Usually I am the one elaborating the questions. As to my tasks under SEELE, I was in charge of studying the responses of subjects, once the reality of the Instrumentality Project was elucidated. After Second Impact and the initiation of the Evangelion Project, I oversaw the effects of contact experiments on a pilot's psyche."
"He treated my mother, Shinji," Asuka managed to utter at last, barely above a whisper. "Well, he tried to, and two days later was 'offered' a position in the University."
"Your mother?" At last, something aside discomfort or anger shone in Shinji's eyes. "Oh. I… I didn't know that. Why were you sent away?"
The doctor looked down at his notebook, sadness clouding over his features. "I proposed Mrs. Sohryu be placed in the Evangelion again," he clarified. "The damage done was too extreme, even without understanding the minutia of what occurred in the contact experiment. The only humane alternative I could see was to either let Unit 02 absorb her completely, or to perhaps attempt a salvage operation not unlike what was pursued when you were trapped in Unit 01, Mr. Ikari."
At the very least, I wouldn't have had to find my mother hanging from a noose, Asuka mused. In truth, she was uncertain of which fate would have been less damaging. I wouldn't have had to hear my father cheat on my mom, and throw her away into a room like some antique.
"No wonder they sent you away," said Shinji. Asuka noticed him carefully mull over his next statement. "The technology for salvage missions had already proven useless after my mother was absorbed by Unit 01. It would have been a risky, and most likely pointless endeavor. Why not just treat her?"
"Oh, I tried," the doctor responded, despondent. "It felt like knocking on the door of an empty house. Even if you somehow managed to enter, there was nobody inside to greet you. Her soul was gone."
A slight, humorless chuckle reverberated through the room. To Asuka's relief, Shinji's dangerous aura vanished. "Heh, it's not every day you hear a therapist speak of the soul," he said. "So, do you have any questions for me, doctor?"
"Not particularly," Dieter said, and after receiving a nod from her, produced an old cassette player. "But I do have something both Asuka and I would like you to listen to, Mr. Ikari."
"Huh?" Shinji turned to her. "What this about, Asuka? Wasn't this some sort of casual visit?"
God damn you. Speak. Tell him about how much of a coward you are. "Not entirely," she offered with a small smile. "Doctor?"
"There are things Asuka is still uncomfortable revealing, and has asked for my assistance," Seip added, signaling to the cassette player. "At your leisure, Asuka."
Shinji's gaze grew increasingly suspicious, yet he did not pull away from her touch. She nodded, and the doctor pressed play. Static resounded for the first few seconds, followed by military radio chatter. Just when Shinji was about to speak, Kensuke's voice broke through the interference.
"Hello, Aida Residence."
Broken sobs followed by heavy intakes of breath, more radio interference and at last, Asuka mumbled an almost incoherent "K-Kensuke? Hello?"
The grip on her hand turned almost painful. Shinji's eyes narrowed and fixed on the small device.
"Sohryu? That yo-"
"Is he okay?" Asuka shrieked, cutting Kensuke off. "Is Shinji okay? Tell me! I need to know!" Silence on the other side of the line as she fell into another fits of heavy sobs. "God damn it, tell me, you Stooge!"
"Why should I? You just ran off," replied Aida curtly. Asuka saw Shinji's eyes widen in surprise. "Is it true, what Miss Katsuragi said? That you pushed him?"
"That's a god damn lie, you hear me!" Asuka roared next, so loud the speaker cut off for a second. "She doesn't know a god damn thing! I didn't… I… g-god damn you, too! Tell he he's okay! Please!" Her voice, ragged and raw, broke. "Please… p-please just let him be okay…"
Kensuke cleared his throat after her breathing returned to a semblance of normality. "He's not okay, Asuka," he said. "He… fell… onto a table. It broke his ribs. He was admitted in critical condition."
"No… no no no no," her younger self whimpered. "No, please no."
"Yes," Kensuke carried on, relentless. "They operated on him, you know. I don't know everything, but there's permanent damage in his lung. So." He paused, and sighed. "Are you coming back, or what?"
Silence. Nothing but her quieted cries came as a response. Asuka was trapped in the memory, feeling herself shiver as she lay crouched in the basement. The guilt and agony were as overwhelming as they had been seven years before, constricting her chest like the dead hands of the EVA Series.
"I can't," she sputtered from the tape. "Misato will kill me. She'll blow my brains out. What type of damage? How severe?" Her voice steeled with every coming word. "Where is the largest woun-"
"I don't know, okay!" snapped Kensuke in anger. "I don't know, Asuka! Nobody knows! Do you think they'll just let us walk into the hospital? And what the hell do you mean, kill you? So you did push him? Did you? Did you hurt my friend?!"
The vice grip on her hand relented. Much of the animosity melted from Shinji's features when it sank in that Kensuke had indeed been concerned for him.
"I did," she confessed at last. "It was me. I'll fix it."
"Fix it? Sohryu, his back was almost broken! What part of 'permanent damage' did you not underst-"
"I said I'll fix it!" the young Asuka bellowed. "You just shut up and watch, I'll fix it. All of this."
Kensuke sighed into the phone. "You can't. You can't take back what you did. But whatever, have at it, if you think you can. Shinji will be glad to know you called."
"No! Don't tell him!" Asuka shrieked next, going from confident to terrified in seconds. "He can't know I called you!"
"Are you crazy or something?" Kensuke argued, to no avail. "All he's done is ask about you! You just up and disappeared! If you think I'm gonna lie to my friend for you… you really are as crazy as Toji says."
"I'll call him myself, damn it!" Asuka countered. "I just need… time! I need time to fix this. Just give me that, Kensuke. Only a little time."
"Again, why should I? You and I are not friends, Asuka. Shinji's my friend," Kensuke said. "How do you intend to call him, if Misato wants to kill you?"
"I'll fucking find a way, okay!" she replied in a hoarse scream. "Just don't tell him, please… Let me fix it…"
"You better 'find a way' quick, then. If you don't call him this week, I'm telling. Goodbye, Sohryu."
The line went dead.
"And you called," Shinji said, turning to her. "I remember the phone ringing in the middle of the night. You hung up after Misato came in the room."
"Yeah," Asuka muttered. "I thought she'd come bursting through my door at any moment, and shoot me in the head."
To her shock, Shinji wrapped her in an embrace and smiled. "You kept your word," he whispered. "You called. Not only that, but you've been preparing this 'spontaneous' visit to your doctor for a while, haven't you?"
"You're supposed to be angry about this," Asuka whispered back, feeling self-conscious at the show of affection before her therapist. "That was me recruiting Kensuke to perform that seven-year long charade."
"That was you worrying about me," Shinji retaliated, strangely calm. "Thank you."
Taken aback by the gentle words, Asuka tried to summon a scowl and failed. She chose instead to lay her head on his shoulder and try to hide her face. "Idiot."
"Her idiot," Shinji clarified, nodding towards the doctor. "So, that was… interesting. Anything else I need to know?"
"Only one last detail," Dieter responded. "You heard Asuka say she would 'fix it'. I asked her many times, long before she started coming in for sessions, why she chose a career that literally makes her sick to her stomach."
"Yeah, she told me about her aversion to blood," said Shinji.
"True, Asuka developed a rather extreme case of hemophobia," the doctor carried on. "But this was not the true reason behind her pursuit of medicine."
"Huh? So… what was i-"
"I said I'd fix it," Asuka spoke, untangling from the hug enough to look straight into Shinji's eyes. "You heard, didn't you? I said I'd find a way."
Shinji's look became incredulous. His head whipped toward the therapist, then back to her. "You… what?"
"Asuka made a vow that day," said Seip, and closed his notebook. "She vowed to heal the damage done to your lung and back. No matter the cost, no matter how impossible it was to bring dead tissue back to life." He shook his head, chuckling. "No matter how long it took her. She would not speak to you unless a path had been found which led to your full recovery."
Pathetic. Are you a mute? What was all this charade about? The hound barked and drooled and fought against its chain, infuriated. Asuka ignored the dog's useless rant. Sometimes, it's okay to ask for help. So keep that muzzle shut and stay out of this, you annoying mutt.
"I found some research my mother had done," Asuka said. "She studied the enzymes that promoted tissue growth in the Evas, and slowly tried to find, or create an equivalent for the human genome." Her hand clutched Shinji's with vehemence. "She died before the research and tests could be finished, so I finished it. And I fixed it."
One hundred percent rehabilitation, she thought bitterly. Now you can leave. You can go, and it'll be okay, because I fixed it. You don't have to stay with me out of some stupid sense of duty, idiot. You're not bound to me, not anymore.
"You think I'll leave," Shinji realized, once again taking her by surprise. "That what happened with Mari, what happened through the years, will one day make me turn my back. I'm not under some spell, Asuka." He laughed then, and stole a third kiss from her. "You heard me, didn't you? I said forever."
"Hopeless," Asuka replied with a pout. "You're hopeless." All of her careful machinations had once again brought about a result she had never considered possible. "A hopelessly charming idiot."
They sat in a now comfortable silence for several minutes, only moving to get into a more intimate embrace. Asuka would have completely forgotten she was in her therapist's office, had the man not cleared his throat after what felt like half an hour.
"What amazing creatures," he mused, eyes lost in the ceiling. "Us humans, I mean. For yourselves, I believe neither of you would have taken the path towards health, or recovery. Alas, we are beings," he paused, smiling. "Who can summon unfathomable strength for the sake of someone else."
"So you went through all that trouble, countless books and unfinished research, puked, probably fainted countless times and opened up corpses," Shinji started. "For me?"
"Yeah." Asuka replied, and smirked. "How does that make you feel, Mr. Ikari?"
To Be Continued…
AN: Hello! My apologies for the brutal delay! I've been rather busy with life and being cannon fodder for our precious capitalism. My eternal gratitude to my brothers in arms MisterHalt, Pilot_Fair, and Su-Exodus for helping me improve this!
Anyhow, here be part one! Part 2 is currently under revision, should be uploaded in a few days hopefully! I hope this didn't suck so much! If it did, please do tell me in the review section so I can improve! Hope it wasn't too boring with the feel good, SOL stuff. If it was, lemme know! Thank you so much for reading! Stay tuned for part two, and a very kewt skit!
Remember to review, do your cardio, hug your parents, drink water, be nice to doggos and kitties, and lay off the booze. Much love, everyone!
PEACE.
