Chapter 10
He woke unable to move.
Weight pinned him to the ground, and he fought the down the urge to struggle against it. To lash out and rid himself of the restraints. Thankfully, before he could, he remembered where he was. Who he'd gone to sleep with, and what children did while they were unconscious.
Once in control of himself, he opened his eyes, turning his head enough to see who held him down. All the children had shifted around him, clinging to some part of him and pinning him in place.
Eliza lay half on his chest, one of her hands clutching his shirt tightly, as though afraid he'd disappear while she slept. His heart clenched, the feeling fading like so many other things, but leaving the desire to comfort her.
The hand he tried to lift was unable to move. Turning, he saw Sarah curled around it, her hand holding tightly to Raven's wrist. She was farther away from the others, either having given way to those younger, or having been beaten to the closer positions.
Raven shifted in minute movements, his back seizing up with each one, telling him he'd been in one position for far too long. He spent time trying to get his back to loosen up, working through the pain he'd never felt when he was younger.
Is it the floor? Or the kids? He wondered, even as he decided it was unimportant.
Somehow, despite how spread his arms were, he managed to brace himself on his elbows and lift himself to see where everyone else was. Jacob had stretched across Raven's stomach, thumb in his mouth. It was a habit Raven hadn't been aware of, as it wasn't ever something the boy did when he was awake.
Was it something he only did while asleep? Or had the stress brought it back?
Beyond him, Joshua and Marcus had each stolen one of his legs, each of them using his thigh as their pillow. Marie was tucked under his left arm, cuddled close to his side, and the only one not holding him down. Nicklas had both of his arms wrapped around Raven's left arm, forehead buried into the bare skin. Even in his sleep, he held on as though his life depended on it.
Only Chris wasn't touching him. He slept along Raven's right side, keeping several inches between them. He hadn't been that close when they'd gone to sleep last night.
I've become a human teddy bear. Raven suppressed the need to laugh until it went away. He didn't mind it much, except not being able to move. Even knowing why, he could feel himself tensing up under the restraint, fighting against the desire to struggle and throw them all off him, damn the consequences.
Breathing deeply once, twice, he got himself under control again and began the process of removing his hand from Sarah's grasp. She shifted in her sleep, hand reaching out for his again, but even when she didn't find it, she didn't wake. Her arms tucked in close to her chest and she breathed out, settling once more.
As soon as Raven was sure she wouldn't wake, he worked on freeing his arm from Nicklas' grip. Each arm had to be gently unwrapped from his and shifted to the side before Raven could lift his arm out and around Marie.
Once both arms were free, he could finally, carefully, shift Eliza off his chest and to his side between him and Chris. It did force the older boy to roll to the side to accommodate her, but he also didn't wake. She whimpered as he freed his shirt from her grip, but didn't show any other sign of waking.
He let out a silent sigh of relief. With only three left, he had a much greater range of movement. Placing one hand behind him, he slowly sat up more. One hand on his back kept Jacob from sliding down. Once fully upright, he slid his other arm around the boy and twisted so he could place the boy gently on the ground behind Marie.
His commitment to sleep amazed Raven. Of them all, so far, he'd moved the most, and yet he hadn't even twitched. His thumb was still in his mouth.
Raven shook his head, turning his attention to the last two. The two were easy, compared the Jacob, and before long he found himself free of entanglements. He slowly stood and moved away from them, careful not to step on any child. That would be bad, especially after all the work he'd gone through the keep them asleep.
Once in the kitchen, he stretched, moaning as his back popped into place and some of the continuous pain. They must have kept him in place for hours for his back to seize like this.
At least they're not crying.
He'd been able to offer them some of the comfort he'd never gotten as a child. When comfort could fix everything. When comfort meant something.
He shook his head of resurfacing memories.
It's good I could comfort them.
He distracted himself with making breakfast. It wouldn't be long before nine hungry children were looking for food. And, his own stomach was demanding sustenance.
The time passed in silence until he had just finished making breakfast. Then, out of nowhere, he gained 40 pounds. Glancing down, he saw Eliza attached to his leg. Blinking once, he reached down, running a hand through her hair. Giving what comfort he could, even as he enjoyed the softness of her hair.
She mumbled something into his pants, inaudible through the block.
"What was that, Elly?" he asked. "I can't hear you."
"You weren't there when I woke," she said, sniffling through the words as she gazed up at him with tear filled eyes. "Thought you'd gone."
Raven knelt down to her height, forcing her to release his leg, but placing his hands on her shoulders so some point of contact remained between them.
"I'm not going anywhere until Kesa's better," he told her. "I won't leave you guys alone."
Her hands reached up, clutching his shirt again. "Promise?"
"Yeah, I promise."
"And after?"
He ran a hand through her curls again. "Well, I'm going to have to go home eventually," he reminded her. "I have to work, you know."
"But you're not going to leave us?"
Her eyes were big as she asked, pleading with him.
Raven didn't answer right away. He wanted to agree with her, but he still planned on leaving eventually. He had to leave eventually. He might not know what Voldemort wanted from him, but he didn't want to stick around long enough to find out. They would destroy him more thoroughly than he already was.
They would parade him around like some sort of trophy, as though destroying his life wasn't enough.
The longer the silence went, the sadder Eliza's eyes became.
"We don't know what life will bring," he said, finally. "I don't want to promise something I can't keep. I will, however, promise that I'll be here as long as I can."
She nodded, eyes still sad. He pulled her into a hug just as the others came in, rubbing at sleep filled eyes.
"Morning," he told them.
He stood when Eliza released him. "Breakfast is ready, so grab a plate."
Breakfast wasn't anything fancy, except they might not get pancakes often, what with Kesa's deteriorating health. Still, with the bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast, it was a full breakfast. All of the children eagerly took their portions, not complaining about anything. Except Marie. She wrinkled her nose at the eggs.
"I don't want those," she said.
"But I made them for you."
"I don't like them," she whined.
"Neither do I," he lied.
Well, maybe not technically a lie. I don't have strong feelings about them one way or another.
His upbringing meant he wasn't picky about his food. He could, and would, eat just about anything placed before him.
She frowned at him. "Then why'd you make them?"
"Because I like them."
The girl's frown deepened, her brows furrowing over her eyes. "What?"
"Take them," he told her, serving a small spoonful onto her plate, "and I'll show you what I mean."
She didn't look happy, but didn't protest the unwanted addition. Marie sat at the table as he finished serving up the other kids, arms crossed as she silently demanded he make the eggs taste better.
The other kids watched him too, and as soon as he'd placed his and Eliza's plates on the table, he set about showing them what he'd meant. He picked up a slice of toast and his fork to begin carefully piling his eggs onto it. Once all of the eggs were on, he put the other slice on top and bit down, enjoying the mix of bread and butter and egg.
As he chewed, he arched an eyebrow at Marie.
The girl frowned, obviously not convinced, but Raven let her just sit there as he continued his breakfast. He wasn't lying to her about this. The bread did change everything. Maybe enough she'd actually eat them without complaint, but she'd have to actually try it first.
Marie might have sat there, but the other children were trying the sandwich. He might have started a trend.
After another minute of silently sulking with no one paying her any attention, Marie gave in and tried it as well. Thankfully, she looked pleasantly surprised as she took her first bite.
"I thought children weren't supposed to play with their food," came a familiar voice from the doorway.
"It's not playing if it's actually eaten," Raven replied dryly.
Of course he wouldn't stay away long.
He twisted to see the man more clearly, taking in the way Evan leaned against the doorframe. Though he wondered how he'd gotten in, as he distinctly remembered locking the door last night, he didn't ask. It would only amuse Evan, and Raven wanted nothing less right then.
"Children, this is Evan. He's staying at my apartment for the time being."
Evan just eyed them, but they just stared back.
"Hello, Mr. Evan," Chris said, tone polite if wary. "Welcome to our home."
Evan's eyes landed on Chris, though he remained still silent. As the silence continued, Chris squirmed, his eyes darting to Raven and back.
"Either say something or stop staring at him," Raven snapped, eyes narrowing at the man.
Without a doubt, he was doing it on purpose. Because of course Evan would enjoy frightening children too.
The man's gaze shifted to Raven, grinning, as Raven once again became his source of amusement. A flicker of irritation rose within him, sparking longer than normal before dying away.
"But it's so much fun to watch the kiddies squirm," he replied.
Raven shook his head, not at all impressed with the man or his actions.
"Why are you here?" Raven asked. He'd assumed the man would be gone longer. With the bracelet, he didn't exactly need a babysitter anymore. Not until he could figure out how to get it taken off.
I wonder if I can get Voldemort to do it …
Maybe he was going crazy too, if he was even considering that.
"You're amusing. It was boring at your place, Kitten."
"Kitten?" Sarah asked, nose scrunching up. Her eyes turned to Raven, silently asking about the name.
"It's just a name he insists on calling me," Raven told her. "I have no idea why."
"Oh, but you do," he replied, gleefully.
Raven ignored him, returning to his breakfast. Interacting with Evan gave him what he wanted. Maybe, if Raven ignored him, he'd go away.
And maybe pigs will fly.
There was movement out of the corner of his eye, but he said nothing. He could be looking for food, which was still in the kitchen. Maybe he just wanted Raven to comment on it. Maybe, he just wanted to prowl around and make everyone nervous. None of which required Raven to say anything, even if the children were all watching him.
Raven tensed a moment later when Evan's hands landed on the table to either side of him. His hand clenched around his fork, seconds from snarling at the man to move. It wouldn't do anything, he knew that, but the instinct was there. Too many people had been invading his personal space the last 24 hours.
The children he could forgive. But Evan? Never.
His skin crawled from the proximity. Every instinct he'd ever possessed told him to get the fuck away from the man at his back. But a table trapped him where he was, and the chances of him managing to push Evan back were slim.
"So like a cat," Evan whispered, breath brushing Raven's ear. "Smooth and elegant. Proud. A panther is what you are."
Raven froze, but only for a moment, as fear replaced anger.
How?
The only ones who'd known were Ron, Hermione, and Dumbledore. None of them would have ever told anyone. It was his secret. A last ditch effort for him to escape danger.
"You're insane," Raven told him, tone dry as he returned to his normal state. "Now remove yourself from me."
He didn't. "Oh, but Kitten, you're so fun."
"Leave him alone!"
Raven's head snapped around, blinking at Eliza. She'd never sounded so angry as she did now. Evan looked at her too, though he was intrigued at her glare. I think I preferred amusement. Intrigue might have him pushing more later.
"Leave him alone," she repeated, grabbing Evan's arm from her place next to Raven and pulling it away.
Surprisingly, Evan went, though he obviously let her force him away. Still, for the moment it put distance between him and Evan, Raven couldn't say he preferred it over Eliza having the man's attention.
"You can't have him," Eliza said, releasing Evan to latch onto Raven's arm again. "He's ours. Mine. You can't take him from us. Won't let you!"
Raven stared down at the curly head still glaring at Evan, momentarily at a loss for words. What did anyone say to a little girl laying her claim on you?
Behind him, Evan laughed.
Of course he's amused by all this.
By the time Raven got Eliza calmed and back in her seat, Evan had retreated to a wall, where he continued to watch them all. The children were nervous around him, shooting him little looks, though none of them quite passed into fear. Still, it made breakfast take longer than it should have.
And with every minute that passed, Raven found his temper flaring.
By the time it did, Raven let the children go play, with a promise to join them later, and strode toward the living room. Thankfully, Evan followed without him saying anything.
Unfortunately, he had that thrice-damned look again. Raven continued to amuse him.
I don't want to amuse him. I want him to go away.
"What are you trying to pull?" Raven demanded, voice marvelously calm for the torrent building within him.
Evan didn't respond right away. Instead, he moved to Kesa's chair and sat down. It was wrong. That was Kesa's chair. Kesa who was an old, pry, kind old lady; who was easy to talk to and sane. Evan didn't belong in her chair, and yet he sat there like he belonged in it.
"I'm not pulling anything, Harry."
Raven scowled. "The name is Raven. I don't give a bloody fuck what anyone else says it is."
His temper wouldn't stop them, and right now, Evan was not the safest place to vent it, but he couldn't seem to stop himself as the rage continued to build.
What is wrong with me?
"Good," Evan said. "That would hurt."
"What?" Raven frowned at him.
"A bloody fuck. It would hurt for at least one of the parties. So, it's good you won't give anyone one." He was smirking.
Raven blinked at him, mystified at the man's thought process, and still so angry his hands trembled at his sides.
"You," Raven said, voice calmer than he felt, "are insane."
"But you prefer me over Mummy Bella." He grinned.
"I'm seriously debating that fact," Raven snapped.
Evan didn't seem insulted. If anything, he looked pleased.
Figures.
Raven inhaled deeply, closing his eyes as he tried to reign in his emotions. He hadn't had to do this in years. Control wasn't something he'd had to worry about. Nothing mattered when he didn't feel anything. When he couldn't feel anything.
He dropped back onto the couch behind him, leaning his head along the back of his as he fought to regain control. If he wasn't careful, he could ruin everything.
"Aren't you worried?" Evan asked after the silence had dragged on.
"About what?" Raven asked, voice sounding more tired than before.
"That I'll tell the master your secret."
Why wouldn't I be?
"What secret?" Raven asked, opening his eyes to stare at Evan. The man had no proof of his claims. If Raven didn't agree with him, what did he have besides the hope he was correct
Evan's eyes died, growing cold. It made him appear sane for the first time since they'd met. Raven felt his heart stop as he was pinned by that stare.
"Don't play games, Raven," he said.
Raven blinked, his voice causing every warning bell within him to go off. He straightened in his seat, ready to move if he needed to. Ready to put more distance between them. Ready to go for his knife and hit the madman where it hurts. If he was dead, he couldn't track the bracelet.
"See," Evan smirked, and it was darker than the others he'd given before, similar to the one from last night. "That didn't even take a thought. You're ready for a fight." He leaned forward. "You remember. You never forgot. You ran from us all, and you don't want to come back, do you?"
Raven didn't respond. Couldn't respond. Any words he might have spoken were lodged in his throat. What could he even say to convince Evan he was wrong? Could he say anything?
Raven's hand itched for his wand, but he didn't have it because Voldemort had kept it. One more thing to try and tie him to them. One more thing the dark lord had taken from him. He still had his knife, and he'd proven he could hurt the madman before him, but would it work now?
"Even now, you're not panicking, are you?" Evan continued, his voice softening to a whisper, though it still sounded no less dangerous. "You're still thinking. You're still calm. Not even Bellatrix is that calm with me. And it's not all because you've been … stunted."
Raven didn't say anything. Evan fell silent for a long time, eying him. Raven wasn't going to speak first. Evan was waiting for something, for Raven to say something. If he did, he'd lose something. So, he stared back, waiting.
"Not going to defend yourself?" Evan taunted. "Say you really don't remember? Or do I scare you … kitten?"
Damn it, Potter, you're a Gryffindor, Act like it!
"Maybe," Raven allowed with a shrug. "You're insane, Evan. Everyone knows to be wary of insane killers."
"There it is again," Evan said, glee filling his words. "Little tidbits of knowledge that you shouldn't know, but do. You spout it off so casually. Couldn't have known what I am, what we are. Couldn't have known the word muggle a week ago, yet both words slip from your tongue so easily."
Fuck. Did I actually lose myself like that?
"Nott spoke it a couple of times," Raven told him. "It made sense." He tilted his head. "Actually, he called them 'whore muggles', but the thought remained."
"Maybe," Evan allowed, still grinning. "But you couldn't have known about me. No one ever talks about me if they can help it."
Raven couldn't argue that.
"You remember, Harry. You remember. You can't fool me."
Raven shook his head. "That's all hearsay," he drawled, pleased that his voice was back to normal. Empty.
"Besides, Voldemort's already done … that mind thing. Wouldn't he have found something?" He raised an eyebrow at the end of his question."
"You have it hidden, somehow," Evan answered. "Hidden so well he had no clue of it. It takes talent to do that, Kitten."
Raven rolled his eyes, though inside, his panic continued to flicker higher. Evan was sounding more and more certain of himself, and Raven didn't know how to convince him otherwise, or if he should even try. In arguing, he might convince Evan he was right. But, if he just let it go, he might do the same thing.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place.
"Think what you want," Raven said, hands bracing themselves on the couch.
"I don't think I'll tell anyone."
Raven paused, blinking. "What?"
Evan smirked, still looking more terrifying than Voldemort ever accomplished, and that man had actually tried to kill him on multiple occasions.
"It'll be more fun to see him try and pull you to his side," Evan said. "Even more when he learns you haven't forgotten at all."
"So why aren't you telling him then?" Raven couldn't help but ask. "If it would be so fun, why not tell him your suspicions?"
His smirk grew into a grin, and something like victory flashed through his eyes. Somehow, he'd just become more certain of Raven's memory.
"Because it's more amusing to watch you now, trying so hard to forget everything. Trying so hard to pretend you never hated the people who claim to be family. Who claims to be your lover."
Raven rubbed at his eyes, fighting off a headache that had nothing to do with Voldemort and everything to do with the man before him. So long as he believed this, there was no way he'd take off the bracelet, still glittering around his wrist. But anything he said at this point would just convince the man further.
"Nothing to say?" Evan asked.
"About what?" Raven demanded, not looking up at the man.
"You don't even seem surprised that everything is fake."
Raven tensed. Fuck.
He glanced up at Evan. "I didn't think everything was as it seemed anyway," he said. "So it was all planned out then?"
"Of course it was," Evan said, returning once again to amusement.
Good. Creepy Evan was too much to handle. Even if he knew it remained hidden under the amusement, it didn't mean Raven wanted to see it. Or experience it.
"Bella as mummy dearest, Lucius as Daddy, Voldemort as your dear lover."
"And you?" Raven asked, still working to get control of himself. He couldn't let anything else go. He couldn't lose control of himself again.
Evan grinned. "Your friend and teacher."
Raven couldn't help the groan that pushed passed his lips. He covered his eyes once more.
What the hell was Voldemort thinking?
Who would ever believe that Evan was his friend. Teacher maybe. The fake memory definitely seemed to veer in that direction, but a friend? Raven didn't think the madman even knew how to be friendly. Let alone an actual friend.
"Come now, Kitten," Evan said. "I can be the best friend you've ever had."
Raven bit back his response to that, but it took more of his self control than he'd thought it would.
The best friends I ever had are dead. You can't ever take their place.
"I want you to stay away from the children," Raven said, changing the subject. "Away from here at all, preferably, but I'll settle for being away from the children."
"And if I don't want to?" Evan asked.
"You don't need to be here," Raven reminded him, lifting his wrist, in case the man had forgotten. "You can already track me wherever I go."
"It doesn't keep you safe from everyone, Kitten," Evan told him. "If someone were to try and kill you, I'd need to be near to do you any good."
"And you don't need to interact with the children to be near." Raven's anger sparked again, and his eyes narrowed at the madman sitting across from him.
"But they're so interesting," Evan grinned. "And you don't even know how."
"Evan," Raven ground out, anger sparking higher. It would die eventually, but for now, he clenched his fists against it.
"How would you stop me if I said no?" Evan asked. "You have no wand, no control of your magic, and that little knife of yours won't make it anywhere near me."
Raven's nails dug into his palms.
"I could do anything I wanted, Kitten, and You wouldn't be able to do anything to stop me."
A lamp shattered. Raven flinched away from it, turning to the glass and plastic scattered across the floor.
"Fuck."
Evan laughed. "How long has it been since your magic responded to you?"
Raven just glared at him, not answering the question. He knew a trap when he heard one.
Evan's wand appeared in his hand. He waved it at the lamp, repairing it with a single spell. Raven watched the pieces coming together and watched the cracks disappear from view as though they never existed.
"You need to be careful of your temper, Harry," Evan told him. "Your magic responds to your emotions, you know. You don't want to reveal yourself to the muggles now, do you?"
"This is the only time it's happened in five years," Raven told him. "I'm fairly certain I know exactly why it happened."
Evan just grinned at him. "But it felt good, didn't it? The rush of magic."
Raven had been too angry to focus on it. "It's time for you to go," Raven said.
His anger had vanished again, as though it never existed. Too late to prevent the destruction it had caused, but gone nonetheless.
Jonathan wasn't happy when Raven called in and told him he wouldn't be coming in to work for a while. He tried pressuring Raven to come in, telling him he was needed. He was one of the main attractions. Finally, Raven had to tell him why, if only to make him back off.
"You're taking care of orphans?" Jonathan asked, his surprise audible even over the phone.
"Is that so surprising?"
"I guess?" Jonathan seemed amused then, also relieved, as though a weight were coming off his shoulders.
Raven seemed to be amusing everyone these days.
It doesn't matter. Let them be amused.
"Is there anyone else there?"
"No. It's just me. I can't leave them until their caretaker comes back."
"I guess not," Jonathan laughed softly. "Alright. Okay. Keep me updated on what's going on, but I'll let you off until they're settled again."
"Thank you."
"And Raven …"
"Yes?"
"I'm glad you've got some kind of connection out there.
Raven didn't answer that. Didn't know how to answer that. He said his goodbyes and hung up, staring down at his phone.
He'd gotten his permission, that was all that mattered. No doubt his coworkers would be told the reason for his absence. They'd have a laugh about it when Raven returned, and he'd have to put up with their teasing and their questions.
He shook it off. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered.
Evan was gone again, for which he could only say 'thank merlin.'
Currently, the kids were somewhere in the house while Raven sat in the living room, a book in his lap, eyes unseeing, phone resting on top of it.
Evan knew his secret. Everything Raven did only made him more certain of it, and he still wasn't sure why. For the moment, he seemed content to keep the secret, but he didn't know how long that would last.
Even he'd said he was looking forward to Voldemort learning the truth.
Raven's eyes slid to his wrist, where the thin silver band still wrapped around his wrist. Evan would eventually say something. It was only a matter of time. The length of which depended on how entertained Raven could keep him. The moment he was bored, Raven had no doubt that Evan would go straight to Voldemort with what he knew.
Leaning back, Raven frowned, silently fingering the bracelet as he considered his future.
This is bad. Very bad.
So, I really hated this chapter in the original. The conversation Raven has with Evan doesn't flow right, and there's a very weird set of lines that just don't fit together well. I don't know what I was thinking. So, that's the biggest change. I like how it flows better here.
Also, for anyone worrying about Raven starting to be OOC, and giving in to his emotions more, part of it is due to the fake memory potion he ingested. Severus explained that there would be side effects back in chapter 5. Everything will be explained in time.
Also! I start a new job next week, and will be in training. So, there won't be an update, because I'll be a little too distracted with all of that to try and edit and get a new chapter up. I don't know about the week after. We'll have to see about it.
