Adam drummed his fingers on the steering wheel while he waited for the lights to change to green. It was dark and wet and the streets were strangely quiet but the glare of the red light bounced off the drops of water on the windscreen. He squinted a little, his brow furrowing.

Suddenly the lights flicked over and the honk of the horn behind him snapped him out of his daydream and made him lurch forward quickly. His mind was ticking over.

He hit speed dial "Hey Ruze." Kev answered. "What's up?" They'd only parted about 15 minutes ago but didn't get a chance to talk alone on the way out. The way Kevin had looked at him as they headed for their separate cars was very telling.

"Was that weird?"

"A little."

"He looked like he'd swallowed a bug."

Kev hadn't stopped thinking about it either and he wasn't surprised that Adam had called him on the way home.

They'd been working on this in the background for months and keeping it close to their chest. Not even Kim knew what they had been doing. It had come about when Adam had talked to Kevin one night over a few beers and he expressed his concern at the demons Kim initially tried to bury to keep them from Mack kept rearing their ugly head again and again. Then the worst happened and coupled with the distinct lack of interest in finding out what really went down that day he couldn't push it away any longer.

Even Superintendent Miller didn't seem interested in finding the man who killed her son. It was unlike this unit to just shrug their shoulders and give up, especially when it involved one of their own. They were relentless that day, none more so than Adam and Voight and then Voight just wanted to drop it.

Adam had asked him about it, he asked what they were doing to find Roy and was told. "It's a IA case now."

"And?"

"And we have a job to do, this job. This is our focus." He'd dismissed him outright. They didn't even have a case on at that point and Adam pointed that out. "If you want to chase IA cases, go work with IA."

It made no sense. In the past even when cases were taken over by someone else they still worked them if they felt that it wasn't being given the proper attention. It wouldn't be the first time, yet for some reason this case wasn't worth chasing, and that bugged him.

So he talked to Kevin and it turned out it bugged Kevin too so they decided to do some off book work.

Every time they had a spare moment they worked on it. If Adam had a front row seat with regards to Kim's trauma then Kevin was in the back seat, observing it all like a driving instructor. He saw it affecting both of them and when Adam asked him for help he didn't think twice.

It wasn't easy keeping it quiet and every time they spoke to someone there was a real chance that it could get back to the Ivory Tower or their Boss. He had tentacles everywhere so they had to tread very carefully. Voight hadn't directly ordered him to stop looking but if he did he wasn't sure what he'd do so they were pedantic about keeping things quiet. As far as he was concerned Kim deserved closure and a chance to stop looking over her shoulder and jumping at shadows.

Added to the whole sorry saga was that Kim had lost custody of Makayla. Her Uncle's lawyers had successfully argued that Kim's job was dangerous and that Makayla could be left orphaned again. The fact that the same could be said for her Uncle as well didn't wash with the Judge. The dangerous nature of Kim's job exacerbated the risk as highlighted in court with the whole Roy situation and the fact he was still out there and had the motive to finish the job.

That had decimated Kim's fragile mental state. She was heartbroken, Roy had bent her resolve but losing Makayla broke her into a million pieces.

All she had now was work, and it scared Adam how detached she was from everything else. He had been pushed away constantly and he knew she was waiting for him to give up. To reinforce that everyone leaves her and she deserves nothing good in life and he refused to give her that.

So he was going to give her closure, even if it cost him everything. Even if it cost him … her.

Adam heard Atwater snap his toothpick. "What's next?"

"I don't know, I need to think about it." Adam groaned. "I wasn't mad though was I?"

"Nope, not mad. Hey, coffee early tomorrow?"

When they had things to work through they would meet up for coffee early before work. Both of them would stew on this overnight and hash it out in the morning and come up with a new plan.

The apartment was dark when Adam got home, only the pale glow of a nightlight coming from under the bedroom door. It wasn't from Mack's door either, that room had been left exactly as it was when Makayla left and Kim never went in there anymore. Not after THAT night

It literally hurt him knowing that Kim couldn't sleep in the dark. He turned it off one night, very early on once he thought Kim was asleep and the middle of the night panic attack was confronting.

Suddenly the whole living area was flooded with light and Kim was gasping for air. "No, no, no." she shook her head wildly. "No. Makayla, where's Makayla?" she pushed past Adam and barged into Makayla's room, flicking on her light as well and pulled the covers back on the empty bed. It was gut wrenching.

It took Adam an hour to get Kim back into her own bed. She sat rigidly at the end of Mack's bed staring at the bare mattress until he gently and quietly led her from the room and back into her own bedroom and he sat and waited until she fell asleep. "Leave the light on." Kim muttered. "Don't touch it."

He hadn't turned it off since. It didn't stop the middle of the night panic attacks though or the middle of the day ones either although they were slowly becoming less frequent.

Quietly he checked Kim, quietly opening her bedroom door and letting her know he was back. He never said he was home. Kim told him this wasn't his home but didn't want him to not stay here either. It was an unspoken agreement that he'd be here as long as she needed him to be.

She never answered when he let her know he was back even though she was awake because until he came in she didn't sleep. Nights when he was out working all night he often came home and she was wandering around the apartment aimlessly.

Closing the door quietly he grabbed a quick shower and set up his bed on the couch. Kim always left his pillow and blankets folded on the end of the couch when she went to bed. Occasionally he'd come in and she'd be curled up on the couch herself, using his pillow.

When Kim was put on administrative leave after an infield incident things imploded a little at home and Adam almost moved out until Kev pointed out something she'd said. "I don't deserve anything good. Everyone always leaves me. Roy should've killed me."

Kevin had implored Adam to stay. "You can't move out, it would end her."

"She hates me."

"She doesn't hate you, right now she hates herself and if you leave you think it's going to get better? Don't flake out now? Don't you dare flake on our girl." Kevin was serious. He was smart enough to know that the only person in the position to help Kim was Adam Ruzek. It wasn't easy on him though, Kevin could see the toll it was taking on both of them.

Kim didn't even look at him when she made him a coffee in the morning and set it on the bench ready for him when he got out of the shower. "I've gotta pick up Kev on the way in, you want to lift or drive yourself?"

He asked everyday if she wanted a lift into work and every day she drove herself.

"I'll see you there." Kim disappeared into her bedroom. She paused for a moment. "You know you don't need to stay and sleep on the couch every night?" At some point every day she made some comment about him not needing to stay at her place and every day he rejected it and continued because he knew her and knew that he was saying what she wanted to hear.

"Is that an offer?" He gave her a half smile.

"No, just saying."

Kevin was already waiting for him with his coffee order. "How is my girl?"

"Feels like a good day today." Adam stirred a sugar into his coffee. He needed the extra buzz of caffeine and sugar. "So, Halstead…. Weird right?"