hello! I bring you this beautiful and wild fic, as always, it is a beautiful IchiRuki. It starts with RenRuki and IchiHime, but hey... that changes.
There is infidelity, betrayal, pain and someone dies. Angst, comfort, hurt, drama.
Feigheit
Chapter 1: Truths
Ichigo was trying to translate the text in front of him, trying to make the sentences make some sense so he could continue his work, but the noise of Kazui in the living room and Orihime's voice singing in the kitchen made everything more difficult.
He had never been bothered by the noise his family made in the afternoons, he had never complained about it because whenever he immersed himself in his work, he forgot everything else; but at that moment his mind was a tangle of chaos, compounded by the usual chaos of his home.
If he hadn't answered the call in the morning, none of this would be happening and everything would continue as usual. He would have some peace in his life and he could finish his work.
All the desperation he felt at that moment, along with anger and helplessness, caused lightning to fall on his inner world, illuminating the darkness caused by the rain clouds.
Zangetsu was in the same situation as well, desperate and angry, breaking the windows of the flooded city of Karakura that his inner world had become and demanding a blood tribute to calm his anger.
— Otosan!
Kazui's call, followed by his running footsteps across the wooden floor in the direction of where he was working, made Ichigo give up and put the work aside.
He still had time.
He could handle it.
He just had to get rid of that damn news flooding his head so he could get on with his life.
Orihime looked at Ichigo and could see how angry he was. It was easy to tell when Ichigo was angry because his eyebrows knit together in a peculiar way, different from his usual expression of concentration or seriousness, though easily confused by someone unfamiliar with him.
Orihime watched Ichigo's attempts to pretend everything was fine, but she knew he wasn't.
When she directly asked her husband if there was a problem with his work, with the house or with himself because she was worried, Ichigo attributed his bad mood to work.
Orihime believed that explanation and didn't ask any more questions, but when Ichigo handed his client the file to which he attributed his bad mood and that angry expression didn't leave his face, she knew that Ichigo was hiding the true cause of his mood from her.
It hurt Orihime that Ichigo didn't want to share that burden with her. It hurt to know that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get as close to her husband as she wanted.
It hurt her to know that her desire to join him, beyond physical affection, was not being fulfilled as she had imagined.
— There is a hollow nearby. I'll be back soon.
Orihime saw Ichigo come out of his own body, which was left sitting on the living room chair, and get lost somewhere in the distance. She knew there wasn't a hollow nearby and that Ichigo was just looking for an excuse to get out of the house, and it hurt.
It hurt her in the same way it hurt that Ichigo didn't refuse to go to Soul Society every time he received a message from Rukia with a request for support from the squad that included a trip and a stay for a few days in that place.
It hurt her the same way it hurt when she asked him to do something and he did it just because he had to, because they slept in the same bed and she needed to feel her husband's warm skin against hers even for a brief moment, even if there were no more kisses than necessary or hugs after those fleeting encounters.
Orihime put a blanket over Ichigo's body, who had taken longer than usual to return, and sat down next to him, laying her head down and sighing. Kazui was asleep in his own room and she could afford to sigh for her absent husband.
Ichigo's phone rang in his pants pocket and Orihime jerked awake. She didn't realize when she fell asleep but it was late, very late, and Ichigo hadn't returned.
Orihime quickly searched for Ichigo's phone, which wouldn't stop ringing, and saw Rukia's name on the screen along with a bunny emoji.
Seeing the way Ichigo had saved Rukia's contact in his phone book made the jealousy and anger, the ones Orihime thought forgotten after seeing Rukia marry and have a child with Renji, come back to her.
— Hello Kuchiki-san!
Orihime heard her own voice in a different tone than usual, but she was angry that Ichigo hadn't returned, that Rukia called him at times when decent people shouldn't be called, and that there was a stupid rabbit emoji next to Rukia's name.
There was silence on the other end of the line and Orihime waited patiently until she heard Rukia's voice with a touch of nerves, which she didn't like either.
Rukia didn't have to call Ichigo so late.
— Orihime! Excuse me for calling at this time, but it's now that I have some free time. I wanted to ask you if it's okay for us to visit you guys this weekend… Ichika wants to say hi to Kazui and I want some of those stuffed buns you sell at your bakery.
Orihime was silent, wondering if what Rukia was saying was true or just a quick excuse for calling so late at night. The clock on the wall said it, it was late.
Too late.
— Of course not! We are waiting for you at the weekend. Kazui will be happy to see Ichika and I will bring you several boxes of the bread you want.
— That's great! See you then.
And Rukia ended the call.
Orihime stared at the phone and did something she had never done before or thought she would ever do: check Ichigo's phone.
Ichigo didn't have a password, so the first thing Orihime did was find out how he had added her among his contacts. Ichigo didn't have many contacts added and she slipped through them reading the names one by one until she found her name.
"Orihime", with nothing added, neither a heart nor an emoji. Nothing, just her name.
That hurt her.
She searched through the call logs, but there was nothing but random numbers from what she guessed must be Ichigo's work. There were no messages from Rukia anywhere, and when she went to the photos there were only photos of Kazui.
Orihime told herself that perhaps she was overthinking things and put Ichigo's phone back in his pocket after deleting Rukia's call log.
Perhaps she was imagining trees where there were none.
Ichigo hated the idea of Rukia and Renji visiting. He hated it because he had to pretend everything was damn fine when it was the opposite. Every time Ichigo thought of them, he remembered the call Renji had made that day, his damn voice full of happiness and pride, and his stomach turned.
Zangetsu was hissing in his ear that they could kill Renji the next time they went to Soul Society, and Ichigo didn't want to admit that maybe, and just maybe, that was a good idea.
"The queen is ours, only ours." Zangetsu used to say and he was right.
Rukia was his and he hated that she had chosen someone else, just as he hated himself for not having the courage to go and fight for her.
During the visit, Ichigo attributed his bad mood to work.
Rukia teased him like she always used to and Renji patted him on the back in a supportive gesture that Ichigo didn't need.
Renji was not his friend, not when he dared to say those "words of thanks" before the most important fight in existence itself. Not when the first thing he did was make that call to break the news.
No, Renji wasn't his friend.
Renji was just rubbing in his face that he had stayed with Rukia because they had "known each other" longer.
Damn Renji!
Ichigo thanked the universe that Renji had received a call from his squad to return to Soul Society, thinking that this meeting would eventually end, but he was wrong.
Ichika didn't want to leave yet, Kazui didn't want her to leave, and Rukia convinced Renji that she was fine and that she would take Ichika back to the house afterwards.
Ichigo didn't know which was worse, having Renji there or just having Rukia there, so he decided to leave the house to watch the children who were playing in the garden. Orihime stayed with Rukia inside the house, talking about whatever they had to talk about, while he watched his son beat Renji's daughter in the races.
That made him feel proud.
In the evening, when Rukia finally decided it was time to return to Soul Society, Ichika and Kazui started begging to have a slumber party. Rukia refused, claiming that Ichika hadn't brought her pajamas, but Orihime convinced her by saying that she would lend her one of Kazui's pajamas.
— So you can have an alone time with Abarai-san.
Orihime said that line and the hollow inside him growled, annoyed at just imagining that kind of "alone time". Rukia blushed and that put Ichigo in a worse mood.
— I'm leaving then. I'll open the senkaimon in the backyard, have a good night.
— I'll accompany you. — Ichigo offered before Orihime could suggest anything about him and the dirty dishes.
Orihime said goodbye to Rukia and sent her regards to everyone in Soul Society, and Rukia thanked her for the hospitality and for taking care of Ichika for the night.
Their walk to the backyard was silent, broken only by the sound of their footsteps and the sliding doors of the senkaimon being opened.
Rukia spun on her heel to face him and cleared her throat before speaking. Ichigo clenched his fists, thinking how she could have the nerve to look him in the eye as if nothing had happened.
— Ichigo, Renji is coming to pick up Ichika in the morning because I...
— When were you going to tell me? Why do I always have to find out last or from someone else?
Ichigo's claim came out without him being able to contain himself.
He had been trying to control his anger and reproaches towards Rukia for too long and he couldn't take it anymore. He wasn't like her, who could pretend nothing was wrong. He was being consumed inside by that damn news.
The shock and nervousness on Rukia's face told him that she didn't expect him to know, and again, Ichigo cursed at Renji.
— You know! How do you know? I don't...
— "You don't" what? Did you think not to tell me? You are a coward, Rukia. You didn't have the courage to tell me you were getting married, I was the last to know. And now... this! — Ichigo pointed at her with an overly aggressive gesture. — If Renji didn't call me that day, with that stupid happiness of a proud man, then I wouldn't have found out. What do I do? Congratulate you? Pretend this doesn't affect me? Damn it, Rukia! I hate it!
— Don't you dare call me a coward! I'm not a coward! — Rukia pointed a finger at him. — If there's a coward among us, it's you! You, who did not go for me! You, who after everything we lived through, left me! So don't call me a coward! Our miserable life is because of you!
— It's also because of you! You could have refused to marry that idiot! You could have come and hit me, and demanded an answer!
Ichigo's anger was as great as Rukia's, however, the hollow inside him growled as he saw Rukia's eyes brimming with tears. Ichigo immediately felt like the worst man in the world for making the woman he loved more than life cry, but he couldn't reach out to her to comfort her.
Knowing that she was pregnant by Renji, once again, made him feel betrayed even though they were doing the same to those they swore to respect.
— Do you think I don't regret it? You think I don't?!
Ichigo bit his tongue at that moment because if he spoke, it would be to say the cause of his anger.
Rukia noticed Ichigo's gaze move from her face to her belly, the slight curve of which was hidden by the clothes she was wearing, and got her answer. Ichigo clenched his fists and Zangetsu again suggested going to beat Renji to death.
— It's not Renji's. — Rukia mumbled, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand.
Ichigo fell silent, letting Rukia's words wash over him.
The anger, the fury and everything that clouded his inner world disappeared while a slight ray of light filtered through the remaining clouds.
— Rukia…
— I called you the other night, when I figured everyone must be asleep, but Orihime answered and I said the first thing that came to mind. I was going to tell you in Soul Society, not here. I didn't think that Renji...
Renji. Renji. Renji.
The hollow grunted again. Everything will always be because of Renji and his damn mouth.
Ichigo stepped forward and hugged Rukia, who had left that sentence unfinished. The happiness at that revelation was too much to contain, so much so that he touched Rukia's belly with one hand before kissing her, forgetting that they were in the backyard of his house, that Orihime was in the kitchen and that the children were sleeping upstairs.
Rukia responded to that kiss, holding on to him and pressing his hand a little on her belly, as if she wanted to make him feel that it was real, that his child was growing inside her.
She had also forgotten where they were because whenever they were together, the rest of the world ceased to exist and only they mattered.
— I'm sorry. I'm an idiot.
— I fear for my child's genes.
Rukia said that with a slight smile and Ichigo gave her another kiss before letting her go.
It was late, in many different ways.
A miserable life, that's how they had referred to the life they had.
Orihime didn't want or need to listen to the conversation between Ichigo and Rukia, but the screams were impossible to ignore as well as that goodbye kiss between them, which broke her heart.
As soon as she saw the senkaimon close, she rushed back to the kitchen and wiped away her tears. She didn't know what to do or what to say, because she felt her soul ache in ways she couldn't explain and never thought she felt.
— Orihime, Rukia already left. Renji will come to pick up Ichika in the morning.
Ichigo's voice came to her from outside the kitchen and Orihime swallowed the sob that threatened to rise from her throat as she realized that Ichigo's voice was overflowing with happiness.
Again she wiped away her tears and tried to make her voice sound "normal" even though her world was falling apart.
— That's great! Now I will go to the room, I feel tired.
Orihime left the kitchen and ran up the stairs too quickly.
A part of her hoped that Ichigo would notice something strange about her, in her pained voice, but he just wished her goodnight as he picked up the mess that had been left in the living room.
Ichigo's mood swing was noticeable because it was like watching a day shine, and Orihime had to swallow the pain of knowing that his mood swing was from that kiss between him and Rukia.
A kiss from Rukia had accomplished what all the love she felt for him couldn't do.
Orihime didn't remember seeing Ichigo ever so happy, more than that time they went to Soul Society and rescued Rukia. She didn't see that kind of happiness in Ichigo when she told him she was pregnant or when they got married. Ichigo only showed true happiness, not glowing but true, at Kazui's birth.
The words "our miserable life" echoed in her mind as if they were telling her that she got into that relationship when she didn't.
Perhaps Orihime had gotten into Ichigo's bed when they were still dating and gotten pregnant before she should to ensure her life with him, but she hadn't broken off any relationship. Rukia was married to Renji when Ichigo approached her, Rukia had a daughter with Renji when Ichigo first spent a night with her.
No, Orihime hadn't broken any relationship between Ichigo and Rukia because there was only a friendship between them.
Even so, Orihime couldn't stop thinking that maybe between Ichigo and Rukia there was always something more. In those rumors that she once heard about Rukia living in Ichigo's house when she first arrived in the human world, in those looks that were only between them and in that complicity that was obvious.
Orihime wished that Ichigo would look at her how he saw Rukia, that they would have that complicity in their lives and that, for once, Ichigo would start caressing in bed.
Orihime wished that Ichigo would realize that something in her had broken since that night, but he didn't see it.
Ichigo's phone rang and Orihime could see the damn bunny emoji on the screen before Ichigo held it up to her ear. It hurt her to see Ichigo's smile grow, and it hurt more to know that he was leaving for a couple of days on a mission in the Soul Society supporting Rukia's squad.
The days that Ichigo was away from home were mental torture for Orihime, because she couldn't stop wondering if all those missions were really for work or for something else.
For someone else.
Ichigo walked back home with a smile that stayed on his face all the way back, he was happy in ways he couldn't explain. It wasn't absolute happiness, but it was something that made his inner hollow sing, strange and murky as that seemed.
Zangetsu was happy for the child they would have with the queen.
However, upon returning to his body and realizing that Orihime was waiting for him with an expression too serious for someone like her, that smile vanished from his face.
— Sorry for the delay, it got a bit complicated but everything is fine. — Ichigo apologized, using the same excuse he always used when he was late for spending too much time away from home.
— Are all those missions, are they really missions? — Orihime's question, which came calmly from her lips as if she had been practicing for that moment, took him by surprise.
— Orihime, why do you ask that? You know I'm going to support...
— Would you go help even if it wasn't Kuchiki-san who called you?
That question surprised him even more.
— Orihime... What...
— Are you having an affair with Kuchiki-san, Ichigo?
— Where did you get...? Who...
Ichigo felt like he couldn't finish a coherent answer because he never expected those questions. He never thought Orihime would notice.
— I saw you two in the garden, I heard you and I think the whole block too. A miserable life? Is this how our life is, Ichigo? Miserable?
— Orihime, it's not what...
— It's not what it seems? Not what I saw? Not what I heard? Many times I was about to contact Abarai-san to tell him what I saw and heard, but I didn't.
Ichigo was alarmed by those words and reached out his hand as if to stop something invisible in front of him. Ichigo was immediately scared by what Orihime could do. She had always been calm and collected, even in the toughest of situations, but he had never seen her like he did at that moment.
— Don't you dare, Orihime! If you do, you would hurt her too much. She's pregnant, you can't...
Orihime's eyes, though they were teary, were also angry and hurt.
— Did you think of me when you kissed her? Did you think that all this wouldn't hurt me if I ever found out?
— Orihime… I don't…
— You never think about me or how I feel! It's always been Kuchiki-san! If she calls you, you go right away! Even if she doesn't call you, you go after her! You almost died trying to save her! What is Kuchiki-san to you?
Ichigo was silent for a second, looking at Orihime and hearing Zangetsu in his ear hiss overly aggressive responses.
— You don't want to know that answer, Orihime.
— I want to know it. I deserve to know. I'm your wife and the mother of your child. I deserve to know, Ichigo.
Ichigo gritted his teeth and moved towards the door of the room, passing close to Orihime but not seeing her, ignoring how she wiped away the tears that trickled down her cheeks. He didn't want to answer that question and he didn't want to continue that discussion.
— It's okay, I just remind you that she is married, that she is going to have a new child from her husband and that you will never be able to be with her.
Ichigo stopped short of grabbing the doorknob to walk out of that room and had to stop himself from saying something he might regret about Rukia's pregnancy before turning to Orihime.
He was aware that he might never be able to be with Rukia the way he wanted, he didn't need Orihime to remind him at that moment.
— Rukia is everything to me. She is the most important thing in this world to me.
— Even more important than Kazui?
— Don't bring Kazui into this! You know exactly what I mean, Orihime.
— If you were given a choice between her and me, would you choose her no matter what?
— You know the answer, Orihime. It has always been her. It will always be her. Whether I'm alive or dead, it will always be her.
Ichigo turned around enough to grab the doorknob and open it because he didn't intend to continue having that conversation with Orihime. He simply left the room without really listening to whatever Orihime said as final words.
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