Chapter 10- Surrender: Whenever You're Ready
They opted to stay in the room, because in the extra early hours of the day, there was no waiting room waiting for them. Everyone else was too asleep, too at home or in bed to keep waiting rooms up and running with staff to alert family members of what was happening with their loved one. Plus, and perhaps most importantly, Jay was being treated was on the same floor and therefore, there truly wasn't anywhere else for them to go. It was both the beauty and nature of ICU floors. Fast treatment wasn't too far away, but on the downside there wasn't anywhere for family to go except to sit in a very quiet, void-riddled room sans their person. Which that, was perhaps worse than pacing around a dark and extra quiet waiting room.
They were almost two hours into this whole thing, living and dreading over a single line that had been delivered to them via a medical staff member they'd never seen in their lives. Jay did have a blood clot somewhere close to the brain and they were working on getting to it as fast as they could. They had no history of the clot, they don't know where it came from, nor it's travels or where it had been located at the time of its journey. They didn't know what the treatment was or what Jay's prognosis was. So many unanswered questions, so much mystery and fear that the couple hours they'd been sitting in that room where some of the worst moments of this whole thing. Somehow it felt worse then the initial surgery, somehow the multi-hour wait for Jay to arrive wasn't as painful and slow as this incident was. Call it knowledge of what was to come, or the fact there was a plan and steps put into place, but there was a great uneasiness in that ICU room that was next to impossible to shake. They sat there for hours alone, by themselves, not speaking really to each other. Apart from subtle glances at one another, Will and Hailey truly did keep to themselves. Will would occasionally rest his head on the back of the chair, attempting the nap method in the hopes of speeding things along, but it fail epically this time around. Then there was the staring at his phone trick, the attempt at reading to escape from reality mindset, but that too didn't make a dent in things. Hailey meanwhile just stared around the room, the floor, the glimpses of life outside those glass walls, somewhere very deep in her thoughts and mind spirals. It was so odd how the two of them didn't speak at this time, acting more like strangers on a train instead of family members. They'd smirk at one another from time to time, shrug shoulders or just glance at each other before going back to whatever it was they were doing before. It was almost like each was looking to the other for answers, guidance, and since neither had it they just had to push things off and move along.
There was no shaking the massive void in the room, quite figuratively and literally. It was incredibly strange, sitting in a hospital room without a patient, or a bed, or anything that should've been connected to their person. They honestly looked rather silly, sitting in a room without the person whose name was on the door. To the outside world that didn't know things, part of you would've thought their person had died, had moved on to the eternal and they just couldn't shake the thought of them being gone. So they were sitting in a memory, a sliver of time where things were okay and right and they just couldn't work past it at the time. But even for those who did know the truth, there was a great deal of sadness for those in that room. He was not there, once again battling on his own to return to some of the worst and most difficult spots any one person had to try and overcome. It was not a great landing spot to strive for, but that was Jay's reality right then; all of theirs really. Hailey couldn't shake the awkwardness of things, her mind not able to escape the very real truth that Jay was not there. There was no person in-between her and Will, the noises and machines of Jay's newfound life were no more. There wasn't a bed, bedding, lines and tubes, nothing that gave off signs of life was with them anymore. Whenever she'd do her occasional glances around the place, part of her was missing those dreaded and terrible sounds of struggling life, because at least it meant someone was there with them trying to get better. It was incredible how in no time at all, she wanted all of that back. As heartbreaking and daunting as all of that was, at least it meant he was there with them. Again, it was shocking how quickly the brain accepted things and desired them. This time yesterday the thought of Jay even being here made her properly freak out. Now, there really wasn't anything that she wouldn't do to have him sitting right back in the middle of them. Cherish what you have, because in the blink of an eye it could all be swept away from you, so quickly and suddenly that you didn't even have time to say goodbye. Or that you loved them. Hailey refused to think of or speak the 'goodbye' word. Jay was not allowed to leave them, he was not allowed to just slip away without saying anything. She got that in the grand scheme of things she really didn't have a say in any of that. But still, where they all were mentally there was no other option. Jay had to pull through, he just had to find a way. Simple as that.
"You okay," Will quickly spoke up, watching Hailey spring out of her chair in newfound energy. His voice stuttered a little out of surprise for her sudden movements. Seriously, there had been nothing from either of them, and then movement happened. She nodded her head, eyes spinning all over the room in search of something. When she found it she walked in a way that avoided the empty bed space, Will sighing as he watched.
"I'm fine," she mumbled when she reached Jay's bag, slowly unzipping the top of the backpack before diving both hands deep, searching for one singular item.
"What are you doing," Will asked some more, watching her fling items of clothing and product out one at a time. It was very clear that she was in search of one thing and was becoming a little more frustrated the deeper she got into her search and still coming up empty.
"It's fucking freezing in here. I forgot to pack a hoodie so I figured I could use his," she grumbled while still combing through things.
"It's probably on the very bottom. I know I packed at least one," Will informed, the two of them watching as she dug all the way down in the massive bag, her face perking up when her hands struck gold. She'd never ripped anything out of a bag so fast in her life, sighing a massive amount of relief as she held it up in victory.
"See, told you I did."
"Thanks," she said while throwing the thing over the top of her head and pulling down. The black, bulky hoodie was practically drowning her by the time she worked her arms through the sleeves, fixing the hood to better fit her. Only when things were as in place as they could be did she begin the task of reorganizing things. Will chose to not speak on the fact that the room was stifling hot, or the fact this was the first time Hailey had even touched Jay's stuff. Let's not forget Will was the one to pack Jay's bag because it was too much for her then. She was missing him, she was needing him so badly just then. Will knew Hailey was never going to openly say that, so he just let her go along with things. It was more of that stuff they'd talk about down the road, when life wasn't as awful and chaotic as it was just then…which meant they'd probably never speak of any of this ever again. Unlike Jay, who knew when to push her and how to get her to open up, Will almost always opted on the side that Hailey was a grown adult and would come to him if she ever truly needed the help. So he sat back in his chair a little bit, eyes roaming around the room before he pointed things back in her direction.
"I could've just turned the thermostat up," Will spoke while motioning to the circular device on the wall. Hailey stopped her walk back to the chair to seek what Will was speaking of, soon shrugging as she once again worked around where the bed should've been.
"It's fine, this is really quite warm," she spoke, truly trying to make Will believe that was her excuse for things. As she sat back down in her seat, nodding before adjusting the blankets over her legs, Will just quietly sighed, soon the two of them looking at one another with that face they'd already done so many times. This was not the time or place for any kind of talk like that. They both just had to let it go.
"What is taking so long," she asked, doing her very best to move things away from herself and to the whole reason this room looked awkward.
"I don't know. It's not a quick thing to fix. You've got to get everything set up, get in there, and then manage to grab the clot and I'm sure then you've got to check for others," Will explained, watching as Hailey kept glancing down at her phone, checking the time in the hopes it had sped up. It never did, just kept ticking at the same rate as it always did.
"It's been over two hours. This is just crazy that nothing has been said or changed. I mean, they already have the catheter thing in. It shouldn't take this long," Hailey huffed in annoyance. Will smirked, amazed at how quickly and easily she was talking about the very thing she couldn't look at hours ago. Again, it was amazing how quick the human body is able to accept things.
"It takes time. In this kind of situation, you'd rather things go slow and steady instead of fast. Would you rather he miss something as a result of trying to be fast?"
"Good point," Hailey concluded, exhaling her stress and fears rather out loud, once again fiddling with the blankets on top of her. It was a nervous tick, Will was very quick to figure that out.
"What does this mean long-term for him?"
"I don't know. Things like this can happen. Especially after everything he's been through. It depends on where the thing was and how quickly they were able to get it out."
"Yeah but, this can't kill him, right?!"
"Hailey, I don't know."
"But, this is just something he can get over, right? Like he'll get through this and be okay?"
"Hailey.." Will cut in once again, this time his voice a little louder, a little more calming and stern as he just looked at her. It was interesting to see her allow herself to externally freak out, part of Will was waiting for it. She was incredibly good at keeping things to herself. Yes, she'd let out the emotions and all that, but she was never one to let the internal freak outs bubble over into reality, those were almost always bottled up and locked into her mind. So to see this behavior come out, at last, was both interesting and saddening to say the least. Only when her eyes met his did he decide to speak once again. As he did he noted the sadness, the panic, and deep and pure pulling for Jay to make it back to them. Will totally got it, was right there with her. This could not be the very end, Jay had to come back from this. This was not how it was all supposed to end. Most certainly, they didn't know what would come of Jay over the coming hours, weeks, and days, but there was part of Will that refused to believe this was the end. The story wasn't over just yet.
"I don't know what's going to happen, or what is going on right now. But we will get answers soon. I know it's incredibly hard right now to believe anything, but we have to sit here and hold out hope. We will get answers soon." Eventually, Hailey nodded, resting her fist under her chin before picking up the phone for the umpteenth time and scrolling through nothing in the hopes that answers came soon. Will went back to his own scrolling session, at least with this one he was reading something, or at least trying to. The awkwardness and empty nature of the room was too consuming, too real to escape. Both people never said it, but both were mentally speaking to Jay, commanding that he get back to them soon. At the absolute very least, they needed a proper sendoff with him. So he better get back to them, or else they were truly on the verge of storming a radiology room. As the story crossed its' first twenty-four hour mark, neither one of those people in that room celebrated. Instead praying they made it to another twenty-four hours, and another, and then, only in their wildest dreams, it was decades of twenty-four hour marks still to come. Patience was key right then, silence taking them all the way to the speed bump's finish line.
2 Hours Later
They were just into the darkest hours of the night, the most quiet and nerve wracking moments of the day when that quiet, but very present knock on the glass doors wrapped and knuckled their way. Hailey, who'd been fixated on the empty and blank screens above where Jay's head should be had whipped her head around so fast. Will meanwhile so much as glanced up from his book, gingerly putting the phone down as Bradford nodded in their direction as he slid the door opened. Honestly Hailey wanted to know what he was reading, and how it could be so good that he'd be able to lose himself and all touch with reality as he read its' pages. She just couldn't imagine being so calm and visually at peace with things given the measures they were living under. Perhaps it was all his years of medical life, or just the fact he was a guy and guys next to never show emotion. But she was very much perplexed at Will as Bradford ushered himself into the room, eyes going huge and then relaxed as she noted the circus just trailing behind. Will stood up out of his seat as Bradford pushed the ICU room doors all the way open so everyone, including Jay, could come through. Hailey cupped her hands with her mouth, quietly blinking away tears as things got back to their normal.
"Hey babe," Hailey quietly thought aloud as he was finally pulled back into the room. He looked to have not changed in the least, there was absolutely nothing different about his appearance then from when they last saw him. There were still the same amount of blankets on him, no tubing or wiring or any kind of medical device was removed from his person. The tape over his eyes was still there, the breathing tube and all its' little parts were still right there and very obvious. Even the ICP monitor was still just as grotesque and spine chilling as it was before. But as this whole misadventure was teaching both Hailey and Will, it was amazing what time and circumstances allowed. Because despite the last few hours with Jay, Hailey could not look away from her husband now. Oh, he was very much still frightening to look at, nothing that was on him made him appear any kind of normal or better then their reunion moment, but it was the fact that she had the opportunity to physically see him that made it all worthwhile. Never again would she take for granted the fact he was there with them and that she was residing in a room with him. It was not a room she ever saw them in, nor would she ever want this for herself, or Jay, or anyone, but they were together: fact. So it was natural for her to want to reach out and touch him, they weren't at the stages of trying to land a kiss…somewhere. But, they were now at the stage of being able to see him, all of him, and not fall into a massive panic attack. Baby steps were being had, and everyone was delighted to be taking them.
"Don't do that," Bradford calmly warned as Hailey's hand crossed over the threshold of Jay's person. She was seconds from landing on the blankets to begin her fiddling for his hand underneath things when Bradford's word propelled her away. As things were being reconnected to Jay, and the IV pumps and display screens above began their relaunch of life, Hailey bobbed her head to see around the people that were assisting with Jay's 'tucking in' so to speak, soon finding Bradford who was looking right at her.
"Why," was all she could somewhat rudely ask, a little perturbed that Bradford would tell the her, the wife, to not touch her husband. But his very quick and controlled hand motion for both her and Will to follow them back out into the hallway told her all she needed to know. Whatever happened in that radiology room somehow made Jay worse. So as Will and Bradford ventured towards the exit, Hailey hung back for a couple seconds, getting more mental snapshots of Jay and all that he was in his current state, before exiting the room. She hated to leave him, but it was only a step or two away from the room and curiosity was getting the better of her.
"So," Bradford began, hanging his head a little as he watched the medical team finish up their tasks with Jay. His voice was rather quiet, out of respect for those amongst them that were passed out for the time being, but also for the delicacy of what they were speaking about. It wasn't the best of news and it just wasn't something that needed to be proudly broadcasted to the floor. Hailey inched closer so she could hear the report, Will just kept his gaze on Bradford who shuffled his weight from one foot to the other before he spoke.
"The clot had reached his brain stem. It was rather close to getting up in there. I don't know how it made it through the lungs, the heart, all the other things that should've ended it all, but it somehow did."
"Dang," Will finally allowed to slip out. Hailey just closed her eyes in pure fear and gratefulness, only just realizing they were lucky to be having this kind of talk right now.
"Yeah, again, I don't know how he made it as far as he did with that thing in there, but thankfully we got it out in time. If that thing had made it to his brain…that would've been game over." Hailey mutely nodded, glancing back at Jay and being eternally grateful for every breath that was coming in and out of that body of his. They shouldn't be where they are, plain and simple. So many times this thing should've gone south, and many times fate attempted that. Whatever happened to Jay from here on out, it was going to be odd defying. That was for certain.
"But, the big thing to remember is that we got it out, all of it. I also put in a filter to help avoid that again."
"Is that common to have happened right after surgery," Hailey chimed in with, still not losing her gaze on Jay.
"It's not common enough that we put filters in automatically. We don't want to over treat in cases like this. He's already been through enough and too much treatment does more harm then good. So its a risk you have to take in situations like these. There's always a chance for having to go back in, but its a risk you have to take." Hailey nodded, sighing more waves of relief as Bradford cleared his throat to continue on.
"While we were right there I also checked the surgical sites, everything is still holding. There were a couple minor issues I found around where we removed the fistula. It wasn't anything life threatening, more of me wanting things to be perfect then anything else. But overall things are holding. He still has a lot of swelling, but he's almost made it to twenty-four hours so its' expected at this point."
"When could he be looking at the other surgery," Hailey spoke up with again, Will smirked over how talkative she was in this round of things.
"Oh, we're still days away from that one. His swelling has to almost go down entirely before we put anything back where it needs to be. At this point you have to hope we don't need to go in and remove more." Silence filled the hallway as the medical team slowly walked away from Jay, making sure the final once overs and rundowns were complete before they sent him off into the land of semi-independence. He was very much still in his coma, but hovering hands lingered over him as they all held their breath for things to be steady. With every passing heartbeat and breath expelled people trickled out of the room, nodding to Bradford before he waved back in thanks. It wasn't till Jay's room was entirely empty before Bradford carried on with his report.
"Also…we're gunna start him on a heparin drip. Again, this is just out of an abundance of caution. One you start throwing clots, you're more susceptible to getting another one. He's already cheated things twice in one day, we don't want to chance it again."
"But you have to do it really slow," Will finally spoke up. Bradford nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, his body is incredibly weak and his heart is doing its' best with what it currently has to deal with. We're back at the risk versus reward debate. Trust me, I don't want to do this to him right now, but to avoid what just happened from getting a repeat…we have to do this." Will reluctantly, eventually nodded, sighing as the three of them just stared at Jay in total disbelief. In so many ways, they shouldn't be where they were. For some, this would be a moment of anger, or hatred, or even great sadness, but for those looking at Jay now there was an overwhelming feeling of comfort knowing they were still looking at him alive. He wasn't pretty, and the future was about as murky as it came. But there was a chance for so many things. They had no other choice but to take it and cling to all the hope and promise it had.
"They'll come in and get the line set up in a few minutes. In the meantime, no talking to him, no touching or making any kind of noise that could stress him. He was weak after the big surgery, he's incredibly weak and exhausted now. Just moving him from the table back to the bed was a chore, his heart really freaked out over that. He's depleted on many levels. More then any other time, he needs to rest. So I know it's going to be tough.."
"-You don't have to say anything else," Hailey cut in, totally getting the gist of what Bradford was talking about. In order to help Jay, they all had to let him go for awhile. Jay had to figure this thing out and get himself well enough to where they could make their presence known to him once more. It was perhaps the most terrifying truth and the largest brick of guilt thrown at them thus far. But for Jay and his return to them, they were more than willing to complete this mission.
"I'll be checking on him every hour or so, but we need to reset the twenty-four hour clock once again. If he makes it another twenty-four without another set back, then we may be able to start talking about longer term stuff. But until then, just pray he doesn't have another setback. Rest, rest, and even more rest is all he needs right now." Will nodded, looking past Bradford and to Hailey would was also nodding, but not daring to look away from Jay. Bradford patted Will's back as he slinked out of the picture, venturing down the hall as Will took Hailey by the shoulder, the two of them returning to the room before parting ways at the foot of the bed. Hailey very slowly, very quietly settled into her seat, not losing her focus on Jay as her head relaxed against the pillow that had been placed on her seat some point during the night. Everything in her wanted to reach over and touch him, kiss that very wrapped and cluttered forehead of his before reminding him to keep going, it felt so cruel that she couldn't do it.
"This sucks," she whispered over the everything that was now making noise in the room, earning a furrowed brow from Will and a look of shock that she was so quick to break the rules.
"Sorry, but it's true," she said before motioning a zipped lip move, signaling that she was done speaking for the time being. Both she and Will quietly waved to the nurse that came in with the fateful heparin drip, the drug that truly was going to teeter things one way or the other. Hailey half expected the bag to be massive, some eerie color and extra thick and ghastly in appearance, so she was pleasantly surprised when it arrived in a smaller IV bag and appeared to be rather clear. The state of Jay's exhausted nature made itself very much known when the nurse inserted yet another IV line into Jay's right arm. Seeing his arm for the first time, and all that it was already housing, was unsettling as is. But watching Jay's heart rate spike and blood pressure dance all over drove home the very real truth Bradford clearly spoke of. Jay was done, he had had enough. He just wanted to be left alone for awhile. Only when the IV line started dripping it's miracle liquid did Jay's stats return to his normal, the two onlookers sighing in relief as things went back to the life they once had not so long ago. Honestly, yesterday felt to be last week. This whole adventure feeling to have gone on for a month when really it was two days, at the most. A couple times Hailey checked her phone and her messages, reading the timestamp of Jay's last text to her, doing her best to remind herself that at one point in time, not all that long ago, he was alive and well and communicating with her. They'd get there, they'd get back to that. And while she never thought this would happen ever again, she'd grow annoyed at him somehow, someway, once more. It was going to happen at some point. She hated that she was wishing for a time that he'd bug her, but in the middle of all that it meant he was living, thriving, past this awful nightmare of things. It was a calm next few hours, Jay doing as was told for the first time in this whole misadventure. Just keeping breathing, just keep that heart pumping, just keep being alive. Whenever he was ready, they were right there on the other side.
…
"Ummmmm Will," Hailey quietly, but so suddenly spoke out into the room that it made Will jump out of his skin just a tad. For hours that room had been library level quiet. Apart from all the devices and equipment and everything that was keeping Jay alive, no living, human noise was coming out of that room. Both Will and Hailey took on the challenge and mission to keep things rather still for Jay to heart. They'd somewhere in the middle of things foregone the code of conduct where one remained awake while the other slept. It wasn't clear who fell asleep first, but both very clearly recall waking up not too long after the other, eventually shrugging their shoulders, both concluding that nothing bad had happened to Jay while they took their glorified nap. If they'd made it three hours, that was winning at this point. As much as they were okay with Jay being the one that slept the most out of the three of them, their adrenaline was fading and the true exhaustion was cresting with every passing hour. Only then did they finally understand why family members rotated in and out of this job. It wasn't because they couldn't handle it, but rather they needed the recharge so they could keep going. At some point, Will and Hailey would be forced into that role, having to figure out who was doing the all-nighter with Jay while the other slept at home. That was coming, but it wasn't today.
"Will," Hailey quietly egged on once more, now beginning to get out of her chair and approach the head of Jay's bed, which really got Will moving now. Not once in this whole thing had Hailey dared to move in the direction of Jay, let alone decided to take action and assist with anything. Not that she didn't want to, but it was the old fear factor that held things back. Just as Hailey was up and out of her seat and pivoting towards Jay's head did Will finally catch on to what was going on.
"Oh, hold up," he quietly called out, on his feet and at Jay's side before he realized what he was doing. He wasn't really even sure what he'd been doing before Hailey's voice called him back to reality. For all he knew he was sleeping, or reading, or staring into nothing. But even now, as his hands ever so carefully drifted to just above Jay's head, he had not a clue what was going on. They both were that out of it, readers. But as Will's hands cradled themselves under the back of Jay's head, slowly pulling things up to help alleviate the issue, part of him felt like he was properly messing up, violating things in such a way, but he didn't care in the least.
"Go get some help," Will quietly told Hailey, who was halfway out of the room before Will could finish. Give her a task to help Jay, and she was totally on it.
"Hold on, Jay. We'll get it cleaned up," Will coaxed to his still very comatose brother, continuing to hold his head just above the pillow with one hand as the other went to extra carefully pull the bloody pillow out from behind. Will had concluded that the heparin drip was doing its' thing: thinning Jay's blood and seriously helping the blood clot issue to stay out at bay. But, on the downside of things was that any kind of cut, or serious cranial incisions, were going to bleed a little more then anyone wanted. It was certainly creating a terrifying and troubling picture, but Will was confident things were still doing well. By the time the pillow was free from behind Jay's head, Hailey had returned with Bradford and a nurse in tow. All three of them watching as Will tossed the pillow onto the floor before returning the free hand to Jay's head so as to stabilize things.
"What happened," Bradford calmly spoke with a twinge of exercise coming out of his person. Will internally joked that Hailey most likely told them to run in here for fear of the worst. He got it, having to admit that seeing Jay's head grow more and more red from the expanding, dark blood stains was upsetting. Thankfully one of them knew what was truly going on.
"I think the heparin is working," Will spoke up, keeping his eyes on Jay as Bradford rounded his way to the other side of the bed, whipping out a pair of scissors from his person as he spoke.
"Well we did increase the drip an hour or so ago. So yeah, I'd agree that it's the heparin."
"Someone speak in normal english," Hailey chimed in at the foot of the bed, watching as the nurse tossed a prep pad to Bradford, who spread the thing out underneath so that Jay's head had a landing point.
"Because his blood is thinner he's more at risk for small bleeders along the incisions," Bradford spoke as he helped Will very slowly lower Jay's head back down onto the flat surface. The next stage of things was removing the soiled gauze wrapping that was around Jay's head, which happened so fast and was just so abrupt that by the time Will's hands were free, Jay's head was fully exposed to the world for the very first time. Seeing that, all of that, knocked Will off his game for a couple seconds. He found himself doing a double take out of surprise for it all. He couldn't imagine what Hailey was going through, which that mystery didn't last long at all. The room filled with her not-so-loud gasp before she quietly let out a curse. By the time Will snapped his head her direction he could see the emotions building inside of her as she couldn't look away from the horror and stark new reality glaring right back at her. There was absolutely nothing pretty about cranial incisions. There was nothing great to talk about when it came to drains on each side of a head, or the fact there was a dip on each side of Jay's head from where skull pieces should've been, not too mention the ICP monitor that was incredibly obvious and just so blunt right about now. And let's not even go into the physical appearance of Jay sans his luscious, wavy, dark brown hair. You can paint the picture, nothing was what it once was. It would get there one day, but certainly it was not today. Next time, a warning would've been splendid. If Will could he'd have gone to Hailey and given her a hug. But, the literal blood on his hands kept him from doing that.
"Everything looks good. No active bleeders," Bradford spoke into the room, somehow ignoring the freaking out vibes that were springing out from the people in the room. Either he didn't care, or just wanted to rip that bandaid off already. It wasn't quite the introduction to Jay's fresh new look either of them wanted, but at least that traumatic reveal was behind them. Things could only go up from here.
"Is that good," Hailey voice softly shook, Will enormously proud of her for trying to remain calm through the tears.
"Yes, it just means its the heparin making things bleed a little more. He's not bleeding anywhere. So we'll just wrap things back up and probably have to do this a couple more times. Will, go clean your hands off." Will rolled his eyes, in search of sanitizing wipes as the nurse claimed Will's place next to Jay. It was a two person effort, getting Jay wrapped back up before they tackled the new pillow and made sure everything was right. By the time Will was blood free Jay too was back to how he was, still very out of it, but no longer had a bloody head.
"We'll keep an eye on things. But just a warning now we may have to do that a couple more times."
"How is everything else looking," Hailey spoke up. Honestly she wanted to forget the last couple of minutes, doing her very best to refocus on the overall picture.
"He's still trying to stabilize, but he's doing a lot better then yesterday. The heparin is working. So we'll see how he does the rest of the day." Hailey nodded, looking back at Will who just took the whole scene in. They were inching ever closer to the thirty-six hour mark, Jay still hanging in there and doing what no other person had done before. Granted, he was making things interesting and terrifying, but the fact they were here doing any of this was truly a miracle. Will was going to take it, all of them were going to take whatever he was giving them at this point. So long as Jay kept chugging along, they were right there along for the incredibly bumpy and sickening ride. One day they were going to look back on these days, these times, with immense pride. But right now, Will wanted things to stop getting more downhill and spiraling.
"When do we start talking about deficits, or any kind of long term stuff?"
"Soon," Bradford spoke up before too long.
"Right now he's looking to be okay, deficit wise. He's never been without oxygen and he is responding to stimuli. The biggest concern right now is the flight out here. He went a long time in the condition he was in. But again, we're still too early to know for sure. Once we get him past today, and through the next surgery, then we should be in a better situation to start talking about that. He's doing well, but he's still got some ways to go before we start up that Goliath of a topic."
"He's responding to stimuli?" Bradford nodded.
"He's been responding to pain stimuli since surgery and that has continued despite everything else. That's really good. You hate to see him in pain, but a response is huge. No independent eye movements, no response to commands, but he is sending out increased brain signals every once in awhile."
"Really," Hailey perked up? Bradford once again nodded, clearing his throat before going on.
"Through this morning, and even not too long after he got back in here last night, there's been a small uptick in activity. It's not a whole lot more then a wave or two for a couple seconds, but you have to start somewhere."
"So does that mean he's waking up?"
"Oh no," Bradford was very quick to correct.
"He's got a very long way to go before that. But it does show something is working and is trying to get going. We're gunna take it as a good sign and go from here." Hailey looked back to Will, who could only nod, mentally concluding that things had to do for now. Jay still had a long ways to go and many things to overcome, but he was somehow, miraculously, on the right path.
"So still no noise," Will joked, looking to Hailey who rolled her eyes before chuckling into her hands.
"Yeah, apart from the events of just now, let's keep things quiet for him. Whatever we're doing is working so let's just keep that going till the end of the day."
"Sounds good," Hailey concluded. She was the one to finally break up the little huddle at the end of Jay's bed, slowly taking a seat in her little chair before scooting the thing even closer to Jay's side. Bradford stepped out of the room unannounced, as he seemed to always do now. There was no apology for being so sudden with things, but then again there shouldn't be one to begin with. Jay needed help and he provided that, the other two were just thankful that things were okay.
"Just hang in there Jay," Will spoke up as he took up his sitting and still position once more. Hailey jokingly dropped her mouth open wide, shocked that Will was breaking the silence rule. It earned her an eye roll, followed by a head shake as Will got settled in for the early afternoon. Silence filled that space for the next hour or so, neither of them daring to make things difficult on Jay's part. He was already doing that to himself, so best to not add into the excitement. Breath by breath, hour by hour, they silently but fervently willed Jay into the next checkpoint of things.
And, my dear readers, I'm very happy to announce that Jay made it safe and sound. That despite all odds, he somehow found a way to the monumental threshold, the threshold of showing that he was here for the long haul and that he wanted to stick around the game of life just awhile longer. Thirty-six hours came and went, forty-eight was just on the horizon when Bradford slipped into the room, hoping and praying to deliver some good news. He felt it coming, had that sixth sense he'd hidden from for so long now. It was in the sweeping motion of blinding lights into Jay's eyes that he knew it was time. Jay Halstead precious head needed to be whole once more.
"Okay…let's start talking about surgery times," Bradford was rather excited to proclaim, a rare smile creeping over his face as he pulled away from the eye examination of Jay. It was well into the early hours of the morning, but that didn't stop Will and Hailey from quietly celebrating. Hailey's eyes went huge, gasping as she looked over to Will for confirmation that what she'd heard was actually said. Will nodded, sighing a large amount of relief off his chest as Bradford wrapped up his activities.
"Like for real," Will spoke up? Bradford nodded, still looking up at the monitors as he spoke.
"Yeah, he's finally holding, which says the swelling seems to have reached its' peak."
"Wait so like…do surgery in the morning," Hailey asked? Bradford mulled over that one for a moment or two, tilting his head back and forth as he seemed to be examining scenarios in his purview that only he could see.
"Not first thing in the morning. His numbers aren't ideal, but they've held for the last few hours. Let's keep things going the way they are right now and my expectation is that we'll start to see the drop. Once we see that and it stays going down, then we can really start narrowing down a surgery time."
"Sssoooo…tomorrow night," Will concluded?
"Maybe, we'll see. My schedule is wide open so we'll have to see what works for Abrams. He's gunna want to look things over and make sure it's all doing well. I think I can speak for both of us when I say we want this to be Jay's last surgery."
"Well I'll agree to that," Hailey joked. Bradford did more rare things, both laughed and smiled once more. But before too long, he returned to his old ways. More drugs were put into Jay's chart, more life saving measure to keep him going on the very narrow, but life giving path he'd somehow, someway managed to dawdle himself onto. And then just as quietly and quickly as he left, Bradford slunk back out into the hallway and into the quiet and dark world outside those ICU doors. But this time Will and Hailey didn't care in the least about Bradford's sudden and strange departure. Because both were too consumed and elated that next steps, next good steps, were being taken in regards to Jay's overall wellbeing. Despite everything, he was pulling through. It seriously was a breath and a second at a time, but it was progress nonetheless. Where things went from here was finally, at last, a good mind spiral to be in. The two of them remained quiet, but excited that whole remainder of the overnight hours. Both were exhausted, but both were so excited for what was to come. Who would've thought that two people would be so excited over a loved one getting more major brain surgery. Welcome to the life they were all living in. But for the first time in the whole misadventure, it was a place they were elated to reside in.