This chapter is from Meg Myers - I Really Want You To Hate Me

Thank you all so much for reading the first part of Forget-Me-Not! 3 3 3

If you wish to remain completely in the dark on Maxi's view of things feel free to completely skip this chapter and come back after the series is done.

This chapter was actually the very first idea I had for this fic and was originally going to be just a short one shot "what if" type of deal but man did that change for the better!

Now I know I said that the next part would be up relatively soon but after going over my notes I think I need to be a little more realistic. I'll now have it set to be released on September 18th. This should give me plenty of time to both deal with my move and get a few chapters fleshed out.

Bis zum nächsten Mal! Pass gut auf dich auf!

When Maxi was just a girl, she realized that the only memory she had of her mother was a pale gaunt face, staring at her with sorrowful eyes. It made her heart twist with guilt. She couldn't recall the voice of the one person who could have possibly loved her if given the chance.

That night she had tried to ask her nursemaid, Joana, to tell her stories of her mother but the older woman would only go on about how dreadfully sick her mother was, giving Maxi enough detail of her mother's miscarriages to turn her stomach before changing the topic.

It did nothing to settle her guilt.

If Maxi had been born a boy her mother would have still been alive, the servants wouldn't look at her with such indifference or pity. Rosetta might not have been born but that would mean she wouldn't have a sister that would ignore her and maybe her father wouldn't look at her with such hatred. Even if she was still a stuttering fool, she'd be a man, an heir with some worth. She would have been able to travel outside the castle, see the world and meet people.

She could have grown up feeling loved.

But she wasn't born a boy, so her mother died trying to bear a son, leading him to remarry and giving her a sister who he loved while she was tossed aside, useless, hated and unloved by everyone but her dead mother and a nameless boy.

It didn't matter how many times Joana tried to convince Maxi that he never existed, that it was her father's knights that rescued her that day. She would forever desperately cling onto her memories of that boy.

She may have forgotten so much of her mother, but Maxi was determined to remember him.

He was the first one since Lady Arian that cared for her, not out of duty or obligation, but out of kindness. He didn't need to risk his life for her, nor did he need to take that silly little flower crown, but he did.

Even now, she could close her eyes and remember the feeling of his hand rubbing her back as he ran to get her help, could picture him working at the forge as the light of the fires reflected off his dark eyes. The way he smiled as she danced with joy when he accepted her little gift.

After he disappeared Maxi kept the memories of the boy with the kind eyes close to her heart. When she had turned eight and her father realized her speech would never improve, when the whip would break her skin, she would close her eyes to the pain and picture the boy rushing in and carrying her away just like he did before.

As she grew older so did her image of him and when she started to read stories of gallant knights risking their lives to protect their lady love she began to picture him as her knight in shining armor.

It was a foolish thought, she possessed no enticing qualities that could win someone's heart and yet, each time she was in that room, her mind would go to him.

Over the years, Maxi slowly started to create a life for him. Fooling herself to believe that he had left to become a knight, wishing to save people from monsters like he had saved her. He would have grown up to become strong and brave. He would always be safe and happy. He would never be cruel. He would be nothing like her father.

It made her feel so pathetic and worthless. Yet, it was fitting. Who else but a stuttering fool would end up falling in love with a memory.

For the longest time she thought he would remain just that, a faint memory to fall into when she earned her father's ire. So, when she saw him again, standing there in her father's castle, it didn't feel real. Maxi was sure she had just imagined it, confusing the man for the boy. It wasn't as if his rich golden-brown skin and raven hair was so unique.

But then she saw his eyes.

There was a coldness to his dark eyes and yet, when he looked at her should vividly remember once seeing them filled with warmth and kindness.

It had to be him, and when she left her father's side, she repeated his name like a prayer until she finally found it in her father's old records.

Maxi couldn't help but break down and sob, he truly was real. The boy in her memories had returned, as a gallant knight just like she had dreamed of, and he remembered her.

He actually remembered and when he carried her through the woods it felt as if she was living her dreams of him stealing her away.

Despite the scary expression he would often wear while around others, Riftan was just as sweet and kind as she had imagined he'd be. When he laughed and smiled, he looked so young and when she gifted him with the necklace or the simple kiss his face became flushed making her heart race. To think, someone like her could cause a reaction like that.

Maxi had never felt this way before. Her father has always called her worthless, the disgrace to their house, an unsightly pitiful girl. But with Riftan, those words could be forgotten, even for just a moment. Not once did he mention her stutter, not once was he cruel to her and when he touched her it was so gentle and sweet as if she was something to be treasured.

When the rain came the dream began to crumble beneath her feet. Riftan had started to pull back, no longer attending the banquets and soon her father's attention was drawn to her as he discovered her talking to the noblewoman.

Her punishment was quick but harsh and for once she didn't wish for Riftan to storm in to rescue her. Nothing could be worse than him seeing her like this. A beast bloody and groveling on the floor.

When it was finally over, she was left sobbing as her back continued to ache for several hours despite the lashes being healed before her father even left the room.

Whatever confidence that had built up over the weeks had been torn apart within a few days. Her father had reminded her what she was, and she started to believe that Riftan had finally had enough of her.

The only thing that convinced her otherwise was how he treated her in the library. He acted as if he hadn't been avoiding her, fretting over her climbing ladders and showing her the lands he cared so much for.

When he suddenly held her, she couldn't help but break down as his large hands gently touched her back, warming up the cold lingering there from the hierarch's spell.

Even if she was wrong, she wanted to desperately cling to the thought that she might mean something to him.

It's why she felt the need to reach out for him, to not lose that warmth. Even if it would be fleeting Maxi couldn't lose him again, not when she finally was starting to feel loved. She didn't care how true his words were, that her father wouldn't allow this, that he would be leaving.

For the first time in her life, Maxi wanted to be a little selfish.

When he kissed her, it was so different from what she had read. There was nothing sweet or chaste about the way Riftan made her feel, as if he created a small flame that was slowly building up inside of her until he left it raging. It was so intense, making her panic at times as it felt like she was drowning in him, but she couldn't help herself. Despite all her teachings, raised to act like a noble lady all pure and proper she still craved his touch. Wanting to melt into his arms as he kissed her neck.

The hold he had over her was almost frightening. With his strength he could so easily overpower her, harm her and his touch was always tender and loving. Even at the times when he seemed to lose himself in the kiss she didn't mind. There was a forbidden thrill in the feeling of him holding her so tight, of his searing kisses, of feeling so wanted by someone.

While she was with him it was like she was in a different place, one where she felt safe and loved where she could ignore the fact he would be leaving soon, and she would no longer be held in his arms. But eventually she had to be forced back to her cruel reality.

It took everything she had not to break down and cry on her way back to her room, her body still remembering his touch as they danced.

It wasn't until Joana had left after consoling Maxi for having to dance with 'that man' that she finally broke and sobbed so hard that she threw up.

She wanted to run to him, to beg Riftan to take her with him, but the fear of what her father would do to Riftan kept her paralyzed.

The day after he left Maxi could already feel the castle turning cold again, as if Riftan had taken all the warmth and life from the stone walls making them feel haunted and empty as the knight's step echoed around the corridors leading her to that room.

She knew this would happen, that she would end up in this room when he left. Each time she met with him, each time she was late, each time she smiled while dancing with him. It was just one more excuse for her father to call on her.

The duke of Croyso was already there when she entered, sitting in his chair with his can resting on his lap.

"Turn around and undress," the duke commanded coldly before the door even had a chance to close.

Knowing better than to make him wait. Holding back her tears, Maxi did as she was told, quickly turning around and undoing the lacing of her dress before pulling down her bodice with trembling hands.

"What was the one thing I requested of you?" Maxi felt her blood run cold at his harsh tone.

"Th-th-that I-I r-r-rema-"

"Enough." The duke struck the floor with his cane, and Maxi promptly closed her mouth. "Perhaps it was too much to ask of you. How could I expect an imbecile to follow a rule they can't even recite properly." the duke spat out, his voice dripping with contempt.

"One month, that's all I gave you and look what happened." Maxi continued to look down as she clutched her dress to her chest, willing herself not to flinch at the sound of his steps drawing close.

"The humiliation you have brought to this house, gallivanting around while letting them hear that wretched mouth of yours."

"I-I'm s-s-s-."

Maxi couldn't finish, cut off as he struck her with the cane, sending a sharp pain over her knee as she collapsed onto the floor.

"I said enough. I will not hear a single word from you." He struck the can down over her hand, pinning it to the stone floor and causing her to cry out.

"Understood."

Maxi quickly nodded and as her father slowly stepped away from her, she brought up her wounded hand, cradling it as the pain pulsed, matching her frantic heartbeat.

"Do you understand the rumors that I have to hear thanks to you, questions about our family's health!"

Maxi's whole body started to shake, it had been years since she had heard him be so furious with her and when she dared to glance up her stomach sank as she watched him reach for one of the more curler crops.

"What was worse was that little dance." she could hear the leather creak under his hand. The sound made her feel cold as her eyes darted towards the door. Despite no longer wishing for him to rescue, dreading the thought of him seeing her like this, some small part still prayed he would magically appear, bursting into that room and taking her away.

"The pure insolence, to make me watch a member of my house dance with that low born thing!" The duke's chest heaved as he yelled out while raising the crop high into the air.

For a moment Maxi felt a rush of pure anger towards her father's words, but before she could even think to react, she felt the skin of her back start to break open.

As she laid on the floor, she tried to cling onto the memories of him, of his touch, his words, his kind eyes. As if those moments with him could save her from the pain. But no matter how hard she clung onto those moments, one look in the mirror crushed them.

You must know how beautiful your smile is.

The sweet memory made her sob harder as watched the woman in the reflection, bloody and beaten, completely unrecognizable to the lady Riftan pictured her as.

As her father left her where she laid and the hierarchs healed her torn back, she closed her eyes to the pitiful girl in the reflection.

Even if he never came back, even if he finally saw her for what she really is and never sent her a letter, at the very least she would never forget him. No matter how much her father tore her down, he could never take away that, for just a moment, she finally felt loved.