Round 5: Day 6
Sephiroth
Smash City
Hyrule Section
"Yiga Town"
500
Sephiroth had smelled many repugnant odors in his time. The burning of mold as Nibelheim crumbled to ash. The burning blood of the many corpses he'd compiled along the way. Aerith's blood as it spilled, tainting the serenity of the City of the Ancients. Even cohabitating with Wario breached the top of the list.
But the foulest stench he'd ever smelled was the potassium that lit the torches around the Yiga training ground.
Sephiroth observed the colosseum structure he stood in the middle of. The Yiga clan was obsessed with bananas, to the point where they concocted a way to use them as fuel, and the torches surrounded him.
The absurdity pissed Sephiroth off, and he had to take it out on them.
Thankfully, instead of the grand monologue from Master Kohga Ganondorf had prepared him for, the ninjas leaped at him from the stands. An arching swing over his head made sure the whole brigade was knocked asunder. Sephiroth's ears perked as kunai whistled through the air.
"Scintilla," Sephiroth commanded.
His signature hexagonal shield appeared before him, easily halting the kunai's momentum.
"Damn it," a Yiga clan member shouted, from the darkness of the colosseum's highest seating area "It's as Master Kohga said, our usual techniques won't work."
A less confident voice squeaked through the darkness, "So does that mean to use the vehicles,"
"USE THE VEHICLES!" hollered the first voice.
Now, a pair of headlights were on him. When his eyes adjusted to the new light, a wooden tank stood before him, a Yiga clan woman standing pridefully atop it.
"Fear the might of our Yiga…" the woman began to declare.
"OCTOSLASH!" roared Sephiroth.
Without thought, Sephiroth cut through the tank, its base immediately giving way. When Sephiroth looked back, the Yiga was on the floor in the rubble, thrashing like an upset child.
"You're as worthless as a Shinra soldier," Sephiroth tutted.
An explosion erupted on his back. Sephiroth slowly turned. As he suspected, armament had been fired upon him. Two aircraft, one a hang glider device, and one with the frame of a boat orbited around him. Sephiroth closed his eyes, focusing on his hearing. Cannons clicked into position repeatedly. Sephiroth couldn't help but grin. The people manning the weapons, we're unsure, scared.
"I must say," Sephiroth said, "I'm thankful for this,"
He unclasped and discarded his trench coat, all the while watching the flying machine's patterns.
"Perfect," Sephiroth purred.
His wing sprouted from his back. All of the clickings of cannons he had heard, angling for an opportune time to fire, ceased.
"BLADE DASH!" announced Sephiroth,
In a flash, he'd ascended to the top of the arena, slashing through the hang glider, sending yet another Yiga clan member to throw a tantrum on the floor.
"Octoslash!"
With that, Sephiroth had flown clear across the arena, slicing through the body of the boat. Much as the tank had earlier, its foundation crumbled, sending the ninja careening to the colosseum below.
"Alright," said the familiar voice, "Now you face me,"
As Sephiroth glided gently to the floor, a blast of sulfurous smoke heralded the arrival of a white mech, proudly branded with the Yiga Clan's symbol.
"Hm," Sephiroth mused, "I wonder…"
Sephiroth dodged the giant automaton's initial lumbering barrage of clubbing blows. Another blow set gave Sephiroth the impetus he needed, simply chopping the robot's arm off at the wrist.
"As I deduced," Sephiroth flatly concluded.
"W-what?" snapped the Yiga commander from atop the mech, "Have you been spying on us as we construct our mighty weapons of war!"
"I have not," said Sephiroth, "This is simply a one-to-one remake of an armament from back home, unfortunately,"
Once again, Sephiroth used Blade Dash to slice clean through the mech.
"Built like the Proud Clod, as weak as the Proud Clod," Sephiroth mused as the mech collapsed.
Turning back to the wreckage, he put a boot on the woman's throat.
"Tell me I'm ready for Cloud," Sephiroth snarled.
"Y-you're ready for Cloud," gasped the woman.
"Tell me I can beat Cloud," Sephiroth continued.
"You," the woman gagged out, "You can beat Cloud! You can beat him."
Sephiroth removed his boot from the woman's throat, ignoring her sputtering cough.
"Thank you for your service," Sephiroth said calmly, "You are all dismissed."
And, in a burst of angel feathers, he was gone.
"Truthfully,' the man who had been flying the hang glider said, "That sounded better than the strategy session Master Kohga had to attend with the other leaders."
"So says you," the woman snapped, "We have a mess to clean up before Master Kohga returns!"
The other three Yiga Clan members kipped to their feet, beginning to clean up the wreckage as if nothing had happened.
Red
Smash Mansion
"King of Fighters Stadium" Stage Room
900
Don't take your guns to town son, leave your guns at home Bill, don't take your guns to town.
Terry stood leaning against the wall opposite the steel blast door that contained the King of Fighters Stadium stage behind it. As Johnny Cash's soothing voice faded out, and the opening salvo of Kris Kristofferson's "To Beat the Devil" began, Terry checked his communicator.
The Hungry Wolf frowned. No texts. The closed-door meeting had begun at sunrise and had not yet concluded, meaning that Corrin was speaking on behalf of her two kingdoms, how they would contribute.
What was this feeling welling up inside of him? They'd only been out of communication since this morning, and yet he missed her?
Hey C'MON C'MON Terry said to himself We're both grown, why am I like this?
Before he could put more thought into it, the screen flipped from "occupied" to "unoccupied"
Terry stepped to the door with more vigor than he'd like to admit, opening it. He saw Red in the featureless room, spraying his Pokemon with a spray bottle. Red must've seen Terry's befuddled expression out of the corner of his eye.
"It's a Max Revive," Red said, "It can heal any Pokemon in any state of injury."
"I know," Terry said, "It's just… a sight to see is all. Where I'm from, you're not supposed to spray animals."
Red nodded, "There are some people where I'm from who say that too, but there's a technique to it. Spray the back of the head, arms, and legs, and lather."
"Yeah," Squirtle said, "It's like a massage!"
Ivysaur grumbled, "Usually the people who say that are trainers who feed their Pokemon soda and lemonade."
Terry chuckled, but when his laughter wasn't returned, his jaw hung open.
"Get serious," Terry demanded.
Charizard was the first to chuckle, "Us Pokemon have better stomachs than the animals of your world, so we can indulge in some human junk. Good for fighting against the Elite Four on a budget, but not if you wanna keep in top shape for as long as we have."
"Eh, I'm not usually in the business of doubtin' people, but there's a lot of stuff that's new to me," Terry shrugged.
"I'm sure," Red said with a nod, "You ready to go?"
Just like that, Terry snapped into his fighting stance, "Okay!"
Red called all three of his Pokemon into their Pokeballs, making the final adjustments on the terminal. The room around them fizzled, suddenly transforming into a lively stadium. The likenesses of the Sakazaki siblings, as well as his son Rock stood on the sidelines, robotically cheering them on.
"I picked Nebula for music cause it reminded me of my hometown," Red explained.
Terry laughed, "The tunes were bumpin' at Mark of Millenium 2 for sure. Let's get groovin'"
The canned voice of the announcer counted them down.
At the word go, Squirtle had already bolted across the ring, throwing his entire body weight into a dropkick.
"Good Squirtle," Red encouraged, "Don't let up.
The two darted around each other for a while, Terry bobbing and weaving as Squirtle flung water around, and Squirtle ducked confidently under a trio of Crack Shoot kicks from Terry.
"POWAH WAVE!" Terry shouted.
"Water Gun!" shouted Red in return.
The fires of Mother Earth were quickly extinguished, turning into steam. As Terry cleared the smoke from his eyes, he found Squirtle had already gripped him by the shirt, throwing him down and jumping on top of him.
"Squirtle return," Red said, calling back the turtle, "It's Ivysaur's turn now."
The onion frog appeared from his thrown Pokeball, his vines already extended and at the ready.
"POWAH DUNK!" Terry yelled.
Ivysaur was punched into the air, the ever-nimble Terry following close behind. Repositioning his body in mid-air, Terry's extended fist brought Ivusaur back to earth. As he had predicted, the tiny creature bounced over his head.
"RISING TA-"
"STUN SPORE!" Red snapped.
Terry found himself twisting into a cloud of spores. Finding himself coughing and choking against the plant excretion, Terry has left a sitting duck for Red's next attack.
"RAZOR LEAF!"
Leaves as sharp as blades ripped at his chest and stomach. The grunts of pain only made coughing up the spores an easier process.
"CRACK SHOOT!" Terry called.
Ivysaur's eyes widened, as did Red's. They had expected him to recover that quickly
"CRACK SHOOT!"
A second, and then a silent third crack shoot rocked his stunned opponent. But Terry couldn't celebrate yet, as Ivysaur's small stature was suddenly replaced with the mighty Charizard!
"FLARE BLITZ!" Red ordered.
Terry felt the heat of a blast furnace, suddenly finding himself thrown into the wall behind him. Terry twisted his body so he fell to his feet, grinning confidently.
"HEADBUTT!"
Before Terry could blink, Charizard's skull had bashed into his chest, sending him through the wall.
Red: 3
Terry: 2
"You know," Red chided as Terry appeared on the Revival Platform, "You smile a lot when you're about to use your more powerful attacks."
Terry jumped down from the Revival Platform, "Good call kid. Usually, only the KOF regulars can pick up on that."
Red smirked, "I'm glad I'm right. I've been thinking about non-verbal tells lately, and Quinn has plenty."
"But can Quinn do this?"
Terry charged as Red's grin remained unwavering.
"Quinn can run yeah," Red once again chided, "CHARIZARD! FLAMETHROWER!"
Terry had jumped before the massive lizard had even begun to suck in the wind. Charizard had begun to spray flame onto the cobblestone just as Terry landed behind him. Two sweeping kicks left a stunned Charizard wide open.
"POWAH DUNK!"
Terry's signature move sent Charizard into the air, off the pavement, and through the wall.
Red: 2
Terry:2
Terry watched Red throw Squirtle's Pokeball onto the empty Revival Platform. As the turtle appeared, Red turned to look back at Terry, a deep frown on his face.
"Yeah," Terry nodded, "You know what you did wrong there kiddo,"
Red nodded.
"Good," Terry said with yet another nod, "Then let's boogie!"
Terry found himself on the back foot as Squirtle summoned water to slosh about, but two dropkicks from Squirtle made sure he was on the defensive. A silent Crack Shoot, followed by a Burn Knuckle shifted the momentum in his favor.
"WITHDRAW!" Red shouted.
Squirtle bolted towards him, spinning inside his shell, but Terry channeled his chi.
"BURN KNUCKLE!"
Squirtle was punched into the back wall, flying into the air.
"IVYSAUR! GO!" Red grunted.
The slightly heavier Pokemon appeared, but Terry launched into the air with an uppercut.
Red: 1
Terry: 2
"Heh," Terry chuckled, bouncing on his toes, "Quinn'll be on ya like green on goose shit if you wait for an opening."
"Noted," Red grumbled, throwing Charizard's Pokeball onto the Revival Platform.
Terry blocked Charizard's first headbutt, but not his second, his long neck whipping his dinosaur-level cranium into his stomach, sending him through the wall.
Red: 1
Terry: 1
Silently, the winged Pokemon and the street brawler charged each other. A duet of Power dunks followed by a Rising Upper sent Charizard into the air. Sneakers and claws collided with their targets as the two scrapped in midair, Terry winning out with a final kick. Charizard pivoted to land on his feet.
"FLARE BLITZ!" Red shouted.
A comet of fire and rage headed Terry's way, but he simply jumped over it. The dragon hit the wall, spiraling into a downed position.
"Oh no," Red moaned.
"OKAY!" Terry shouted.
Jab, Jab, Power Dunk. The stunned Pokemon stood no chance as he was blasted through the wall.
In a flash, the room was a featureless white, and Red stood before Terry.
"I'm gonna keep it real," Terry said, "You're gonna be looking at a big fat 'l' on your forehead if you come at Quinn like that. His stuff is more explosive than mine, and who knows what he picked up training with Ryu and them."
Red nodded, "So we keep going until we get it right."
"I like that spirit kid," Terry said, dusting his hat on the ground, "Show me it wasn't a fluke."
1200
It turned out it wasn't a fluke. Red had swept every match in the preceding matches. As they were going to set up yet another, both Red and Terry's stomachs simultaneously grumbled.
"Whelp, you heard 'em," Terry laughed, "It's chow time."
Red nodded, grinning.
As the two hustled out of the training room, the Ice Climbers came out of the Icicle Mountain training room.
"Sheesh, we were wondering when you were gonna get outta there," Nana laughed.
"What're you two doing here?" asked Terry.
Popo shrugged, "Cardio,"
"No, like, shouldn't you be at the meeting?"
"Nah," Popo shook his head, "Chief Murasat is still acting chief, so he goes to those things. That, and considering we're gonna be the only ones repping Icicle Mountain on the front lines, he trusts that we'll just fill in wherever we're needed."
"Took him long enough," Nana muttered.
"Nana!" yelped Popo in protest.
"What?" Nana shouted back, "We do most of the tactical planning on our missions against the Topi Tribe anyway, on the fly no less, and only now the old man decides to trust us?"
"If he didn't trust us," Popo said, "He'd be in our ear every time we needed to wrangle in a Condor."
"I'm just saying," Nana insisted, putting her hands on her hips, "He could communicate that every now and again.."
"So, uh," Terry murmured, "Me and Red were gonna go get lunch if y'all wanted to join."
"Yeah!" Popo cheered, pumping his non-dominant fist, "I wanna make something!"
"Oh Popo," groaned Nana, "Don't subject these nice people to that,"
"I've been reading up on this thing called a 'BLT' and I wanted to make one."
"OKAY!" Terry shouted, "Let's see what you can do!"
Minutes later
Smash Park
Terry nearly dropped his sandwich as Popo handed it to him. The lettuce and tomato were in between three strips of bacon.
"These are supposed to have bread on them Popo," Red laughed, "It's a sandwich,"
"It's called a BLT," Popo said, his smug smile unwavering, "Bacon, lettuce, and tomato. I win."
"But Popo," Red said, laughing more, "It's a sandwich, it's supposed to have bread."
"Well then," Popo demanded, "Why isn't it called a BBLT, the first 'B' for bread!"
"We need to get you a cookbook with some pictures in it," Nana said.
Popo's cheeks flushed a fire engine red, "Yeah, put it down for next Gift Day."
The foursome laughed, silently eating their sandwiches, at least, until Terry piped up.
"Yo Red, there's something I gotta ask ya,"
Red looked up, "What's up Terry?"
"How long have you and Green been doing the traveling thing?"
"Green's been doing it for about ten years. I just picked it up after Alola opened up, why?"
"Was...keepin' in contact ever a problem?"
Red shook his head, "Nah, PokeGear really helps out."
"How often didya keep in touch?"
"Weekly," Red said, "It's almost a mandatory thing for Pokemon Trainers to network. Unless you're lucky enough to get traveling companions like that crew from Vaniville in Kalos did a couple of years back, it can be lonely and debilitating if you don't."
"Why'd you ask?" Nana asked.
"I'm just wondering if it's normal."
"If what is?" asked Popo.
"To miss someone even if you talk a lot," Terry asked.
"Oh yeah," Red said, "Green goes dark when she has to prep for Elite Four challenges all the time, and those are the worst nights on the calendar."
"Speakin' of," Terry asked, "Where is she? She didn't get wrapped into that meeting did she?"
"She's out plotting a route for the big motorcycle rally,"
"You're changing the subject blondie," Nana blurted, "Are you missing Corrin or something?"
Popo put his head in his hands, groaning loudly. To this, Terry laughed.
"Don't worry about it kid," Terry said, smiling at the embarrassed boy in blue, taking one final bite to polish off the last of his lunch, "I am dancing around it. Yeah, the only other girlfriend I've ever had was kind of a drifter herself, so I kinda figured that's just what people do."
"No," Red said, "Most people communicate and most people miss their significant others even when it hasn't been a long time apart."
"Yeah!" the Ice Climbers said simultaneously, nodding in agreement.
A portal opened at the foot of the Smash Mansion some distance away.
"Hey," Nana said, playfully punching Popo in the arm, "Our fearless leaders are back!"
"It's been fun folks," Terry announced standing up from the bench, "But I gotta see my girlfriend."
To the subdued chuckles of the others, Terry made the trek to the Smash Mansion.
Cloud
Smash City
TV Studio
1225
Cloud and Tifa stepped out of a portal onto the studio floor. A table had already been set up, with wings and sauces splayed out in an orderly row. A grinning man with a frosted tips hairdo sat at the other end of the table, grinning.
"I'm Evan Seans," said the man, "I don't think we've met Mister Strife,"
"No," Cloud confirmed, "It's a pleasure though."
"Absolutely," Tifa said, "Of all the talk shows and interviews that came our way, this is the most interesting."
"Yeah," Cloud agreed, "Spicy food is a mainstay in our house."
"Well good," Evan laughed, "The citizens of the Kunio-Kun universe will be happy to know you chose the internet's most famous show, We Spicy Few. Now if we could get situated, we start in five."
Cloud sighed as he and Tifa took their seats on the other side of the table. While he was thankful Tifa had turned down some of the more 'celebrity' appropriate commitments, modeling contracts, and sponsorship deals, his pessimistic side still reigned loud, wondering just what they'd gotten themselves into.
Five minutes later
Avalanche Family Suite
"God damn," cursed Cid as soon as the group stepped through the portal, "I never thought that meeting would end,"
"Yeah, and we had to sit through all that to figure out we'll provide air support to Shinra troops?" Wedge scoffed, "Give me a break!"
"Never mind that shit," Yuffie said, "It's starting!"
Yuffie flipped on the TV. Cloud and Tifa's faces slowly came to light as the TV powered on.
"You had it ready to record?" Jessie giggled.
"Yeah. I wanna watch these freaks do this," Yuffie declared.
Back at the TV studio
"Welcome to the hottest show in River City, We Spicy Few," Evan said, "I'm your host Evan Seans, and we have a couple of guests. From the Final Fantasy Universe, it's Cloud Strife and Tifa Lockhart."
"Yo," was Cloud's contribution.
"Hey Evan, thanks for having us. We hope we won't let our universe down on your neck of the woods."
"I'm sure you won't," Evan said, laughing once again, "Now, if we could begin. Our first sauce…"
Evan held a sauce aloft with the River City Girls' logo on it.
"Is Classic River City with a Scoville scale of 1,000."
As Cloud and Tifa sprinkled their hot sauce on their wings, eating them, Evan spoke again, "Do you all do spicy wings at Seventh Heaven?"
"Neither iteration has ever had that in the kitchen no," Tifa said, "But we are known for our breakfast pizza."
"Breakfast pizza?" asked Evan.
"Yeah," Cloud nodded, "You'd be surprised how effective scrambled eggs and pizza sauce are at sobering people up."
Sean laughed, all three taking swigs from pitchers of water.
"Our next sauce is the Yoshi's Island Maple Hot Sauce, with a Scoville level of 1,600."
Cloud raised an eyebrow, "Does Yoshi Island have access to maple trees?"
"I dunno," Sean shrugged, "These were viewer submitted."
"Not sure how I feel about this one," Tifa grunted mid-bite, "If I wanted sweets I'd just buy a cake."
Evan laughed, zeroing in on Cloud as he ate his wing, "So Cloud, you were notoriously the only person representing your universe in the whole of Smash City. What were the best and worst parts about that."
"Best was like," Cloud said midchew, "When it's your first day in the military, where one dude in your in your barracks is a rich kid from the upper plate, one guy's from Cosmo Canyon, and one dude's from Wutai and makes the smelliest, yet tastiest dim sum in the chow hall. It was like that with the Smash Crew. Ness and Lucas dragged me around a lot, and fell in with the Fire Emblem crew too."
"And the worst?" Evan prompted again.
"Well, you'd see everybody hanging out with their crew that they already knew, sometimes having their first vacation in years. In that way, it's like being the new kid in school."
"And for you Tifa," Sean said, "Cloud was just…gone and back again?"
"Yep, came back the same night that he left, with somehow zanier stories,"
"Our next sauce then," Evan announced, "Is Blane's Orange Island Hot Sauce, Scoville level 15,000."
Tifa laughed as he held up a bottle adorned with a picture of the gym leader in a chef's hat, "Moving up in the world," she said.
"Nothing we can't handle though," Cloud laughed back.
With that, they applied the sauce, biting into it.
"Wow it's like a buffalo flavored…and yep, there's the kick."
"Aye yae yae," Tifa groaned, "That sneaks up on you, right in the back of the throat too."
"Our next hot sauce is from the Mario universe, Koopa Kingdom Kick rockin' in at 59,000 Scoville."
"Taste's like steel and mediocrity," Cloud muttered.
Tifa and Evan both blurted out laughter at that one, not expecting a joke from Cloud. All three took a bite of their freshly sauced wings.
"What do you recall about your first Smash fight, the one and only Link?"
"I think it was a wakeup call for sure," Cloud said, "Much like this sauce is, yeah."
"Oh yeah, this has a pep to it," Tifa agreed.
"But yeah, it was a wake-up call because swordsmanship is kind of a dead art back home, so I hadn't used it much and Master Hand forbade the use of Materia so I had to rethink how I did things. "
"As for you Tifa," Evan said, "What do you think was Cloud's best fight?"
"Keep in mind, I watched it after the fact on DVD," Tifa said, "The one against Fox. It's as if Cloud and I went all out in a fight, and it was interesting to watch something similar to me from the outside."
"Yeah, if you had lasers," Cloud laughed.
Tifa laughed back, "Lasers, magic, what's the difference?"
The three shared a laugh, Evan holding up the next sauce.
"Our next sauce," he said, showing the camera a bottle with a golden falcon military pin on the logo, "Is the Red Falcon Ginger Sauce, straight from the Contra universe."
Back at the Avalanche Family Suite
"Ginger sauce?" Cid guffawed, "That can't possibly have a taste can it?"
"Can you even taste?" snapped Yuffie.
Despite the insults flowing, everyone was glued to the TV. Tifa and Cloud bit into the wing, answering a mundane question about which monster was the worst to fight on their journey.
"Ha!" Jessie cheered, "They both said Tonberries! Pay up!"
Biggs and Wedge both begrudgingly slapped Gil on the table, which Jessie took with a gleeful giggle.
"Ha!" Yuffie said, "65,000 Scoville? That ain't nothin' for our freaks."
"If the host is surprised," Vincent observed, "He isn't showing it."
"Yeah," Barrett nodded, "Took him for one of those Shinra bros you used to see at the Honeybee Inn every Friday night, but dude's good."
"Didn't think you hung out around the Honeybee Inn much Barrett," Aerith teased, a coy smirk forming.
Immediately, the big man became flustered, "I worked security for 'em back in the day, that's all!"
The laughter that echoed around the room nearly drowned out the next sauce. Henshin-a-Go-Go Spicy Garlic.
"Who the hell came up with that name?" insisted Cid, "Some anime nerd,"
"He just said it's from the same universe as Ryu, which you'd know if you didn't talk over the TV."
"I'll stop talkin' when it gets interestin'" Cid grumbled.
"Yeah, 120,000 Scoville is still nothin'"
"It still is nice to see them feeling it while trying to tell the story of how they met," Aerith laughed.
"Yeah," agreed Marlene, "Even though we've all heard the story like, a bajillion times."
"You wanna go on Zack?" Aerith teased as Evan unveiled Falcon Punch Habanero sauce.
"Nah," Cloud shook his head, "I'm a baby when it comes to spicy stuff."
"You'd better learn to toughen up," warned Yuffie, "This is Captain Falcon's hot sauce, and I'm gonna leave with a vat of it."
"At 160,000 Scoville I will not be partaking," Vincent said in a quiet murmur.
"Me neither, " agreed Reeve.
"Ahhh," Jessie squealed, "They're talking about the Lifestream,"
Barrett nodded sagely, "They've never really talked about that."
The room fell into silence.
Back at the TV Studio
"I had," Tifa grunted, her face reddening, "I had to reconfigure Cloud's memories once we fell into the Lifestream. It was, all at once, nostalgic and sad, having to walk Cloud through those truths.
"I couldn't have done it without you," Cloud said, his face reddened through the hot sauce "I owe you the world."
"You've given me the world every day since you've been here," Tifa said, offering a sweet smile despite the stinging sauce.
"Beautiful," sighed Evan, "This is gonna get heavy I can tell,"
"Just like the sauces will get heavier," added Cloud.
With yet another laugh shared, Evan unveiled the next sauce
"It's Kirby's Super Spicy Curry sauce, clocking in at 350,000 Scoville," Evan announced.
"Just as a heads up," Cloud wheezed, "Fuck you, Kirby,"
The three dabbed their wings, eating them.
"This has been a tournament of reunion for a lot of the cast," Evan began, "You've had the opportunity for a lot of your dead cohorts, most notably Aerith Gainsborough."
"Yeah, oh shit, Bahamut," Cloud barked.
"Yeah, like putting Bahamut's pee on chicken," Tifa grunted.
"Your reunion with Aerith has reignited an age-old debate,"
"Fuck," Tifa grumbled.
"Lots of fans of your adventures," Evan continued, "Think Aerith is the girl for you Cloud."
Cloud coughed, "Aerith is one of my best friends, but Zack is the guy for her. Anybody who thinks differently doesn't understand how Zack's death was affecting us both and romanticizing the story."
"Yeah," Tifa nodded, "Aerith is the closest thing I've ever had to a sister, and a lot of the romantic tension comes from her missin' Zack. I see that now."
"No hard feelings?" Evan prodded.
"Nope, none," Tifa confirmed.
All three took chugs of water from their personal jugs. Evan showed the camera the next hot sauce."
"We're on the second-to-last hot sauce," Sean announced, showing a vial with a Smart Bomb logo on it, "Straight from Corneria, it's Da Smart Bomb at 650,000 Scoville ."
"Do a barrel roll huh?" Cloud blurted through a deep sigh.
As the threesome ate their ninth sauced wings, Evan said.
"One of the odd things about the way people from other universes enjoy the tournament are the odd fandoms that pop up. What do you think about Sephiroth's female fanbase?"
"I hated it at first," Cloud sighed, the sauce causing him to wheeze.
"Yeah, me too," Tifa added, "But they didn't live it. Obviously, they're gonna have a warped view of went on right?"
"Yeah, right," Cloud grunted, his face reddening, "People had their memories altered in our world too. Shinra rebuilt our hometown after Sephiroth burned it down. Conspiracy theories don't stop at our door, ya know?"
"And what do you do when you encounter a conspiracy theorist?" Evan asked.
"We all tried to fight it, Barrett especially," Tifa said, "In reality though, all you can do is walk away. I just hope this tournament has been eye-opening for people with the real information out there."
"All right folks," Evan announced, "Behold our last sauce, Cosmo Canyon Reaper,"
"YES!" Cloud and Tifa cheered together.
A mischievous smile pursed Evan's lips, "I figured you'd like this hometown staple at 2.2 million Scoville,"
With vigor, the two dabbed their wings, biting into it.
"I told you we were a spicy food house, I told you!" Tifa shouted.
"If I had my sword on me, I'd do the spin," Cloud boasted
"Wow," exclaimed Evan, "Considering I've had guests vomit on this show, you two might be the most steeled guests I've ever had."
"And we're happy to come back if ever you wanted to do this again with something hotter."
Evan's mouth briefly went agape, before composing himself.
"Alright," he said, "All that's left to do now is tell us about what's happening in your lives."
"I'm Tifa Lockhart and I'll be guest bartending at the Tapper Bar for a meet and greet before Round 6! Come meet us, come meet some others, the whole lineup is yet to be announced, but you don't wanna miss it."
"And I'm Cloud Strife, come watch me kick Sephiroth's ass again, and then head on down to Duck You Too for drinks after."
"Alright, I've been Evan Seans and that's We Spicy Few!"
As soon as the camera clicked off, Cloud and Tifa pounded their remaining vats of water.
"Pleasure working with you," Cloud said, tipping an imaginary hat.
"Yeah totally. Thanks for letting us sub in Cosmo Canyon Reaper at the last minute. Red and his village will appreciate the uptick in sales."
"That guy was in my party until the end," Evans said, "I was happy to do it."
"Speaking of," Tifa grinned, "I hope we made Yuffie and the gang happy Cloud."
"Yuffie loves making a show out of our spice tolerance, so I bet she's over the moon."
"Well, I guess that means mission accomplished. Let's mosey," Tifa said, flashing a knowing smile at Cloud.
"Hey, that's my line."
Cloud generated a portal back to the Avalanche family suite, the two adventurers walking through it hand in hand.
Quinn, Luigi
Teleroboxer Stadium
Smash City
Punch-Out Section
1700
Immediately upon stepping through the portal with the others in tow, Quinn was immediately thrown off by the red interior of the stadium. The grooves of a microchip seemed to line the entire architecture. Daisy expressed his thoughts perfectly, blurting, "Woah, freaky,"
"I must say, this is unique," Peach said.
"Yeah, this looks like the inside of Mettaton's intestinal tract if he had Papyrus' spaghetti," Sans added
Toriel, Sans' goat humanoid companion, opened her mouth to say something but instead chose to snap it shut.
Quinn shot a brief glance to Peach, she was glancing around in just as unsure a fashion as the rest of the group. Too stuck in his relief that he wasn't committing some sort of unseen social faux pas, he barely noticed the stadium attendant, dressed in an equally garish all-red ensemble, the pencil-thin man's smile shaping his pointy, thin mustache into horns.
"Hello," the man said in an overly verbose English accent, "My name is Ronaldo, and I will be taking you to your suite before we open the doors."
"Wonderful," Peach said, "Lead the way, sir,"
The man skipped merrily away, the group falling into line. Luckily, the suite was on the opposite wall, and Ronaldo opened the door with a flourish. Daisy pushed her way to the front of the group, poking her head inside, and casting a glaring frown at Daisy.
"You did it again," was all she had to say.
It was only when the group made their way inside that Quinn realized the issue. Whatever seating had been placed closest to their window looking out at the rest of the stadium had been replaced with golden thrones bearing red cushions.
"What?" Peach shrugged, "It's a special occasion. The pieces of the upcoming battle are finally in place, and we're celebrating!"
Daisy placed her hands on her hips, "But you know how I feel about thrones girl, I feel like I tell you every time we end up going to events like this."
"I'm not fond of modern plush seats, and you know that," Peach snapped back, "I feel as though I sink into them and my posture is positively abhorrent for a long time afterward."
"That sounds like a you problem girlfriend I'm sorry, Dad's couch has stood in my entertainment center for a couple of decades and it's just as comfy as when we got it."
"That hideous old thing?"
As the two bickered back and forth, Quinn cast a glance at Rosalina, "Does this…happen often?"
Rosalina giggled, "About every other group outing. Peach always relents, but hopes Daisy won't mind next time."
"Great," Quinn said, rolling his eyes.
Luigi popped up behind them, whispering, "In her defense, thrones are pretty nice."
"Yeah," Mario added, "It grows on you, Daisy is just-a stubborn."
Toriel placed a hand on Daisy's shoulder, "In your defense Daisy, thrones are quite cumbersome. The excess luxury of royalty is one of the reasons why I departed."
"See?" Daisy insisted, "Toriel rules, she knows what's up."
"Regardless of 'what's up'," Peach said, miming air quotes, "We're going to miss the proceedings if we bicker any further."
With that, the hexad took their seats. Teleroboxer was unlike anything Quinn had ever seen. The brutality of boxing was combined with the pageantry of pro wrestling, the robots who fought symbolic visages of the young people who controlled them. The more important the bout, the more unique the robot's movement seems to be. Their limbs didn't seem to be limited by the flexibility of joints, and each robot had weak points unique to them
During an intermission, Quinn had eagerly texted this to the World Warrior group chat. Dhalsim immediately answered.
To learn how to stretch one's limbs takes years of mastery, time we simply do not have, and I do not believe in crash courses
Quinn tapped his chin in thought, briefly adjusting his glance to see Rosalina chittering happily amongst the other women.
Good, she can't see me plotting training when we're supposed to be relaxing, Quinn thought.
Quickly, he composed another message
Can we just watch the footage then? If you're all giving pointers, I'm pretty sure I can learn some dodging techniques.
Karin was the one to respond this time
That's as sound of an idea as anything. We will be meeting aboard the Kanzuki Estates Smashcraft in two days. Food and refreshment will be provided of course.
Ken jumped into the conversation
Why can't we meet tomorrow?
Karin responded almost immediately
We wouldn't want to interrupt Quinn's date with Rosalina, would we? OHOHOHOHOHO!
Quinn felt a chill go up his spine as he responded
How do you know about that?
Karin's response was as immediate as the other
My family's motto is "In all things, be victorious." That includes surveillance.
Quinn blocked the shiver of fear going up his spine by closing his communicator. In the stadium, the music began to flare up, and everyone returned to their seats.
Unbeknownst to Quinn, Luigi had been watching.
"What's wrong bro?" Mario asked.
Luigi sighed. There was no escaping his twin brother's watchful eye.
"Quinn's good," Luigi said, "Frighteningly so."
"So's Red," retorted Mario.
"Red trains like a veteran relearning the fundamentals. Quinn's training like somebody plotting against everything he might be up against. Never mind the whole prophetic destiny, thing."
Mario shrugged, "I mean if you-a beat Ganondorf you can train against Pokemon Trainers or the many many martial artists in our outer sphere."
Yeah, yeah," Luigi nodded, shooting a determined glance at Mario.
Meanwhile, Sans texted Altair.
We need to help the kids with his training in the next round if Red doesn't cook him. The cliques are forming, and we need to back our boy.
Altair's text was immediate.
Agreed
"Look at you all," Peach scoffed, "Absorbed in your communicators, you're about to miss the main event."
"Look!" Daisy squealed, "It's a kitty cat!"
Sure enough, the champion, a cat piloting a cat mech, stood face to face with 16-year-old French prodigy Cheri's robot, Prin. The Frenchwoman peppered solid boxing fundamentals with slaps in the hope of districting the cat champion, But, the cat's hurried, unrelenting attacks felled the feminine mech.
"YOUR WINNER AND STILL TELEROBOXER CHAMPION! MILKY!"
Despite the adulation, the cat seemed used to the praise, lazily stretching out and walking backstage.
"Do you think that's like…a super smart cat?" Sans asked.
Toriel shook her head, "I hope not. We can only deal with so many Temmies in the world."
"Oh Toby, you're right," Sans shuddered.
"I suggest we look to beat the crowd," Peach said.
"We're meeting Little Mac and Alice at that Thai place right?" asked Rosalina.
"Yep!" Daisy said, "Can't wait to blow my tastebuds out with some Green Thai Curry!"
The six stepped through a portal of Peach's design. Sure enough, they stood in front of a small building advertising Thai food, but Ganondorf and Wario sat on the patio. As soon as they arrived, Ganondorf dramatically leaped from the patio, landing on his feet.
"Save the dramatics for the tournament pal!" Luigi shouted.
"It is not you with whom I seek an audience," Ganondorf sneered.
With that, he pointed in Quinn's direction, "It is the Mii."
As a crowd began to form, Ganondorf continued, "You will bequeath your secret unto me boy, or face the consequences."
"You're on lockdown until the round begins!" Mario immediately said, pointing at Wario, "Both of you,"
"Fine by us," Wario snorted.
Just as he said that ROB's drones opened a portal, escorting the villains through.
"Oh my gosh, what secret could he mean?" asked a teenage passerby.
"Yeah!" agreed their friend.
Just as they began to clamor, a voice boomed from behind them.
"HEY! BREAK IT UP YA VULTURES!" Doc Louis demanded.
Following behind the trio of Mac, Alice, and Doc was a quartet of robotic police officers, each droning some pre-*programmed dialogue about causing a public disturbance. This scattered the crowd of people, leaving the restaurants outside the perimeter completely empty.
"Good Lord," Peach balked, "Robot police?"
Alice shrugged, "You couldn't possibly think my robots only had sports applications, did you? Don't worry though, I review the use them on a case-by-case basis. One slip-up and my contract is null and void.
"It turns out," Mac boasted, "My girl is smarter than most cops. But then again, that ain't hard."
"Never mind that," said Alice with a laugh, "Tell me what you enjoyed about the show over dinner."
The group of six that had become nine stepped into the restaurant, their night of merriment not yet over!