(A/N: Hi guys! Sorry about the wait. I had a bit of writer's block and lost my confidence for a bit. I'm back now with Part V. I really hope you like it. Please review and let me know what you think. I am going out of town this week so I'll try to update next week, but I can't make any promises. Take care. Love, Ellivia22)

A/N: I'd like to thank Lovetoread75 for giving me the confidence to continue writing. Thank you for all your wonderful reviews. I really appreciate it!

Disclaimer: The Outsiders is sadly not mine.

Broken Bond

Part V

Sodapop

When I was still in high school, I was in the Principal's office a lot. It wasn't because I was a bad kid, but because I told too many jokes or pulled too many pranks that Steve dared me to do. Since it was never anything serious Mom and Dad didn't punish me too severely.

I didn't stay in school long after they died. I could see how much Darry was struggling to pay the bills. I wasn't learning anything anyway. Dropping out and getting a job at the gas station was the best decision I ever made. I love my job and would be happy if I worked there for the rest of my life. Not only that but I feel like I'm taking some of the pressure off Darry and making a difference in supporting our family.

Standing in the middle of my boss' office with Steve first thing the next morning is making me feel like I'm in the principal's office again, except I'm surrounded by various car parts scattered everywhere instead of books. Unlike all the times I got in trouble at school, this time I feel really nervous. My hands are clammy, and I can feel the sweat forming on my forehead. This is the first time I've ever missed a shift without letting my boss know. Even though I've never been in trouble at work before, I have a genuine fear that I'm going to lose my job. Considering how tight our financial situation is right now, that's the last thing we need. Worst of all, I pulled Steve into it too.

"Mr. Curtis, Mr. Randle you both missed your shifts yesterday," Mr. Bailey says sternly, crossing his greased-covered arms. He's a stocky older gentleman with white hair and a beard. I can't help but feel intimidated by the fire behind his hazel eyes. "Care to explain?!"

"It was my fault, Mr. Bailey," I say quickly before Steve has a chance to open his mouth. "There was an emergency at home with my brother that I had to take care of. I needed Steve to help me."

Mr. Bailey's angry expression melts and immediately turns to concern. He is very aware of not only our family situation but that Ponyboy has been on the run for four days. "Is everything all right? Has your brother been found?"

I lower my head sadly, thinking once more about my missing little brother. "No. We still don' know where Ponyboy is. I-it was Darry. He hasn' slept for three days, nor is he eatin'. Yesterday he was on the verge of collapse, and I had to make sure he was okay. I know I should of called and I take full responsibility for that. Please don' punish Steve for just tryin' to help me."

"Is he doing okay now?"

I stay quiet for a moment. To be truthful, despite the fact that Darry and I had made up after our honest talk last night I'm not sure if he's doing much better. He barely said a word this morning during breakfast-which he barely ate any of. If he got any sleep at all it was probably an hour or two, judging by the dark circles still under his eyes and his pale appearance. He's not acting like himself at all. In fact, he's so withdrawn it's scaring me. Now that I think about it, he probably shouldn't have gone back to work today.

"Yeah he's doin' better, thanks," I lie, not meeting my boss' eye.

Mr. Bailey lets out a defeated sigh. "Look boys, I like the both of you. You guys are two of my best employees. Given the current circumstances, I am willing to let this slide. Just don't make it a habit or I'll have no choice but to let you both go. Understood?"

"Yes sir," Steve and I say in unison.

"Good. Now get to work."

We don't have to be told twice. Quickly we turn around and leave his office and go back to work like the loyal employees that we are.

"Well this mornin' sure went better than I expected," Steve says to me as I park the truck at Buck's house later that night. All the lights are on and I can hear the loud music blaring even though we're still sitting in the truck. Looks like Buck is back to throwing another of his loud, raunchy parties. "I thought for sure we were gonna be in big trouble."

"Nah Mr. Bailey's a big softie," I tell Steve. "Besides I knew he'd understand once I told him what was goin' on."

"Why are we back here again?" Steve asks.

"We're gonna find Dally and question him about Ponyboy and Johnny's whereabouts. I know that he has somethin' to do with them going into hidin' and I'm gonna find out what."

"Let's just hope Buck doesn't beat the tar out of you for barginin' into his house yesterday."

I ignore Steve. Buck Merril is the least of my worries. I know that I have to tread lightly when it comes to Dally. He may be our friend, but he's as tough as nails. If I push him too much, he might shut down completely and not tell me anything or try to deck me-whichever comes first.

I pound on the door hard so that it can be heard over the loud music.

BANG! BANG!

Buck answers the door, this time fully dressed in a white western pocket shirt and black jeans with brown cowboy boots, his cowboy hat firmly over his head. He glares at me as soon as he realizes it's us.

"What the hell do you want?!"

"We're here to see Dally." Buck's large hands quickly turn into fists. I brace myself for a punch in the face. I hold my hands up in surrender. "Look I'm sorry I barged into your house yesterday. I was lookin' for my missin' brothers. I just need to talk to Dally for 5 minutes then we'll be gone."

After a moment Buck grunts, then moves aside so that Steve and I can enter. Multiple lights flash everywhere from the various decorations and strobe lights set up. My ears ring now that I'm inside thanks to the pounding music. I hope that coming here doesn't make me go deaf. There are so many people drinking, dancing, and playing pool, I have to wade through them to find who I'm looking for. I notice a couple of cute girls in skimpy clothes checking me out, but I pay them no attention.

I spot Dally near the entrance to the kitchen smoking a cigarette, and a beer in his hand. Next to him is Tim Shepard and a couple of his groupies. I stride over to him, not caring if Steve is following me or not.

"So the rumble is on Friday," Tim says, taking a long gulp of his beer.

"Yeah. 9 PM at the vacant lot," Dally confirms. "Hope we can count on y'all to join us."

"We'll be there. Any excuse to beat up on Socs and I'm there."

"Thanks, man." They slap hands. "And we'll have an advantage this time. This cute Soc I tried to pick up is gonna spy-." Dally stops talking when he notices me standing there. He doesn't look the least surprised. One look at his face and I know that he's not going to tell me what I want to know no matter how long and hard I interrogate him. Since I'm here I might as well thank him for finding my other brother yesterday. "I told you before, man. I don't know where Ponyboy and Johnny are."

"Oh I know you do," I tell him, making Dally's light eyebrows rise up in surprise. "That ain't why I'm here."

"Why are you here then?"

I look down at my shoes, rather than at my friend. "I wanted to thank you for findin' Darry yesterday. He was in really bad shape, and I was worried that somethin' was gonna happen to him."

"How's he doin'?" Dally asks in concern.

"He's…. He ain't Darry," I state helplessly. "He finally got some sleep last night, but he barely said two words to me this mornin', or when he picked Steve and I up from work. He won' look at me, even though I told him I forgave him. It's like…it's like he's lost himself and I have no idea what to do to help." I take a big gulp of air in an attempt to force my emotions back. I'm not going to cry. Not here.

Shakily I reach into my pocket and pull out the letter I had written to Ponyboy during my break along with two twenty-dollar bills and a five. Then I hand it to my friend. "Make sure Pony gets this, all right? And when you see him tell him…tell him that we love him and hope he is safe."

Not waiting for a response, I turn around and walk out of Buck Merril's house. Now that I've provided some aid for Ponyboy it's time for me to make sure that my other brother is taken care of.

"Darry, I'm home," I announce once I come through the door fifteen minutes later after dropping Steve off. "What's for dinner?"

My older brother doesn't answer, and it doesn't take me long to figure out why. Darry is sitting in his recliner, fast asleep, still in his work clothes. The worn brown photo album that Mom put together is resting against his chest. I'm tempted to wake him just to make sure he eats something. At the same time, I'm glad he's sleeping. He needs it.

Careful not to wake him, I grab the photo album. Darry doesn't stir. Curiosity gets the better of me. Why was he going through our old photo album? Darry's not the sentimental type. A lump forms in my throat when I see the picture he left off on.

The picture was taken two years ago, right after Darry's last football game of the season. He was in full gear, sweaty, but with the biggest grin on his face. Ponyboy was on his back, his grin as wide as Darry's. I remember now. This was when I was home sick with the flu. I wanted to go to the game so bad, but Mom and Dad made me stay home. I was so upset that I didn't get to see Darry play for the last time.

I can't take my eyes off my brothers in the photograph. They looked so happy and carefree. It's been so long since I've seen Darry truly smile.

A silent tear falls down my cheek. "Oh Pony," I whisper. "If only you could see how much Darry misses you."

Before heading to the kitchen to find something to eat I grab the folded blanket from off the couch and drape it over my brother to keep him warm.

"Sleep tight, big brother."

Then I leave the living room, feeling more alone than ever.

Darry

I remember when this was taken, I think to myself fondly as I look at the small photo in the middle of the album that Mom had put together a couple of years ago. It was a picture of me, Sodapop, and Ponyboy out in the country with our parents. I was fourteen, Sodapop ten, and Ponyboy eight. We were at a nearby ranch, learning how to ride horses for the first time. I smile to myself seeing Sodapop's youthful grin as he sat on a beautiful black horse. That was when Sodapop first fell in love with horses.

The next photograph down is of me and Dad working together on the old beat-up truck together. That was the first time I learned how to change a flat tire. I touch my dad's face lightly. I miss him so much. He was the only person I had who truly understood me. I sigh to myself. Life was so much simpler when our parents were around.

I rub my eyes sluggishly. It's not even seven o'clock yet and I'm struggling to stay awake. I managed a couple of hours of sleep after my talk with Sodapop last night, but I don't feel rested. In fast I feel even more run down. I feel like I'm moving a lot slower than normal and emotionally drained. I kept to myself at work and didn't say much when I picked up Sodapop and Steve from work like usual. As soon as we got home Sodapop and Steve took the truck and went out, leaving me alone. Honestly, I prefer it this way. To pass the time before bed I've been going through the photo album in an attempt to remember times when life was simple and not the giant mess that it has become.

When I turn to the next page of the photo album a peach-colored piece of paper falls to the ground by my feet. I bend over to pick it up. Once I realize what it is I am immediately thrust into a memory from not so long ago...

Bills. Bills. And wouldn't you know it, more bills.

I stared helplessly at the endless amount of paper scattered on the kitchen table. It was the middle of the month-the worst time for us. Mortgage, electricity, and water were all coming up very soon. By the time all that money was gone, I'd barely have enough to cover gas and food. No matter how hard Sodapop and I worked we could never get ahead. How was I going to afford everything and make sure that Sodapop and Ponyboy had what they needed? Maybe it was time for me to start looking for a third job….

"Darry…"

I looked up to see Ponyboy standing in front of me. He looked really nervous for some reason. I covered up the bills as best I could with my arms. I forced a small smile on my face in an attempt to hide how stressed out I was. It was difficult to do. "What's up, kid?"

Silently Ponyboy handed me a piece of paper made of peach cardstock. His report card. That's right. It was the end of the semester. I had been so busy with work that I had forgotten that it was that time already. I studied it carefully.

Algebra I…...…A-

Earth Science…. A-

English…...A+

Gym…. ...A+

Spanish…...A-

World History…...A+

My insides swelled with pride. Straight A's. I knew that my little brother had been working hard to keep his grades up and it showed. If he kept this up, he would be guaranteed a scholarship. What worried me was the A-'s. It was too close to a B. He had to study harder.

"Make sure these stay A's," I told him sternly, putting the report card aside. "We can't afford for your grades to slip, and for you to lose that scholarship. Okay, Pone?"

"I worked really hard," Ponyboy said softly, his eyes lowering.

"Work harder," I told him curtly.

Before I returned my attention to the bills in front of me, I saw my little brother's head drop and his eyes brimmed with tears, making my stomach clench. I didn't mean to hurt him, but it looked like I did just that. I wanted to apologize and tell him how proud of him I really was, but the words became lost as soon as they came to my mouth.

Ponyboy shuffled out of the room. After swallowing the large lump in my throat, I forced the guilt down and returned my attention to the mass of bills in front of me. I had more important things to worry about.

I wipe a tear from the corner of my eye as my throat tightened once more. I saved Ponyboy's report card because I was so proud of him. He is so smart-much smarter than I'll ever be. I know I pushed him too hard, but I did it because I love him and only want the best for him. Only now do I realize that I've done nothing but hurt him. I wish he were here so that I could tell him how proud of him I am. I miss him so much.

I quickly shove Ponyboy's report card in the back of the photo album, then look at the page I had turned to. The first photo I look at jars my emotions all over again. My eyes blur, making it difficult to see. This photo was the last photo taken of just Pony and me. It was after my last football game of the season. I can see the adoration in Pony's eyes as he clung onto my back, wearing a big smile.

I close my eyes, hugging the worn photo album to my chest.

Pony. Please come home.

The house was unusually quiet. Sodapop was at work, and the gang was off doing their own thing. As for me, I had a rare day off from work. When I got the day off, I would use the time to clean up the house, do laundry, or if I felt like taking it easy, I would pump iron at the gym. Today I was catching up on chores in a failed attempt to keep myself distracted.

I stood in the living room, a semi-full round laundry basket resting on the couch. A pile of Sodapop's white T-shirts and DX shirts are folded neatly and placed on the couch next to the basket. Since it was just the two of us there wasn't nearly as much laundry to be done.

My eyes stayed focused on the news on the black and white television in front of me. Ponyboy and Johnny had been missing for two months now. Every opportunity I had I either sat in front of the television watching the news or would be close to the phone. The longer Ponyboy and Johnny were gone, the faster my hope of him coming home would fade. Deep down I knew that he was gone forever, and I would never see him again. No matter how devastated I was I knew that I had to force my pain down. All I had left now was to make sure I didn't make the same mistake with Sodapop.

The front door opened, pulling me out of my haunting thoughts. Sodapop came through the door, no longer wearing his DX T-shirt and hat but just a simple white T-shirt and jeans. I looked at him in confusion and concern. He wasn't due to be home for another six hours. Then again, Sodapop hadn't been the same since Ponyboy ran away. Instead of being a happy, carefree, wild Sodapop, he turned into someone angry, cold, and distant. He had barely said a word to me since we made up in the kitchen a couple of months ago. Still, he was my little brother, and it was my job to take care of him.

"What are you doing home?" I asked in concern. "Are you not feeling well, kid?"

Sodapop threw the truck keys on the coffee table casually. He shrugged. "I quit."

I stared at him in shock. I had to have heard him wrong. Sodapop loved his job at the DX gas station. There was no way he would've quit unless he had a really good reason. "What?! Why? What happened?!"

"Nothin'," Sodapop said casually. "I just decided that I actually wanted to enjoy my teenage years for once."

I did my best to keep my frustration from showing. We were barely scraping by as it was. How could he be so selfish to quit his job without talking to me about it first? "I understand that you want to be a kid and I'm sorry that I made you grow up too fast, but I really need your help. I can't pay for all the bills on my own."

"Not my problem," he said coldly, making me wince. His blue eyes are like a sheet of ice. "You're the oldest. You're supposed to be able to take care of us, but you can't even do that. Instead, I gotta spend the best years of my life workin' to make up for your failure!"

His words are like salt in already open wounds in my heart. I refused to show how much he hurt me. Instead, I shook with anger. I couldn't believe that Sodapop would talk back to me like that. It would be something that Ponyboy would do, not sweet, caring, lovable Sodapop. "If I'm such a terrible brother then maybe you'd like it better at the boys' home. Then I could get my life back too!"

"Fine by me! I'd rather go to the boys' home than stay another day with you! No wonder Ponyboy left!"

Just the mention of our younger brother made the fury I felt impossible to control. We never mention Ponyboy's name. I dropped the T-shirt I was folding and advanced quickly on my younger brother, who remained in front of the door. His arms were crossed as if he was challenging me. "What the hell did you say?!"

"You heard me. It's your fault that Ponyboy's gone and now you've driven me away too. You're gonna end up where you deserve, sad and alone."

Before I could stop myself, I threw a hard punch, hitting Sodapop hard in the face, sending him to the ground. I straddled between his hips and hit him over and over again in the face.

BAM!

BAM!

BAM!

"You think I like workin' two jobs and stayin' up every night worrying about bills?!" I yelled. I continued to pummel him hard, letting out all the anger and frustration that I had felt for so long. I was so angry I couldn't stop, the adrenaline flowing through my veins fast. Blood ran down my arms from my knuckles from the reopened wounds from the rumble. I didn't feel the pain. All I felt was utter rage.

"Darry!"

"I could've gone to college! I could've played football and been drafted into the NFL!" I hit harder and harder.

"Darry! Stop! I'm sorry!"

"Instead, I'm stuck raising two younger brothers who were never grateful for all the blood, sweat, and tears I've put in to keep you both in a safe home!"

"Darry, please!"

My heart jolted suddenly, and I felt myself freeze as I stared at the bloody version of my little brother below me.

Oh no. I did it again!

I quickly got off my brother and retreated so far back that I almost ran into the TV. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest that it was about to leap out. I couldn't stop staring at Sodapop, his blood-soaked T-shirt; his face was swollen, beaten, and completely covered in blood. It also looked like I knocked out a couple of teeth during my frenzied attack. Even his golden hair is matted with blood. His blue eyes are wide in terror.

Tears poured down my face before I had the chance to stop them. I hurt my other brother. "S-soda I-I…"

It was like deja vu all over again. Sodapop let out a terrified whimper and bolted out the door before I had the chance to move. Instead of going after him or trying to call him back I cover my wet face with my hands and sob harder than I had ever cried in my life. I had driven away the only person I had left because of my anger. I was all alone. I wished with all my heart that my life would end just like Mom and Dad's did. I deserved it. I was a monster.

I jerk awake with a sharp gasp. I breathe heavily, my hands covering my wet face. It is saturated with sweat and tears. My heart slams against my chest hard. It was just a nightmare. Another terrible nightmare. It felt so real.

The house is quiet. According to my watch, it's past midnight. I must've fallen asleep again in Dad's armchair while waiting for Ponyboy to come home. Deep down I know that I'm just fooling myself. Ponyboy's never coming home, and I don't blame him. When I am finally able to compose myself, I force myself to my feet, wiping my face again. A blanket falls off me, but I barely notice.

Soda

I have to check on my little brother. I have to make sure that he's all right. It's the only way I will know that my nightmare was just that. Once I regain my balance, I make my way down the dark hall. I've checked on my brothers every night since Mom and Dad died. I could navigate to their bedroom in the dark in my sleep. When I get closer to Soda's room, I hear what sounds like muffled sobs. Quietly I open his door.

Sodapop is lying on his stomach, his face buried into his pillow. My heart twists hearing his quiet cries. He has cried every night since Ponyboy left. I so badly want to comfort him; to tell him that everything is going to be all right. I can't. It's my fault that he's upset in the first place; my fault that Pony is gone. Swallowing hard I shut the door as quietly as I can.

Numbly I make my way back into the living room and sink back into Dad's armchair. My chest hurts so much it's difficult to breathe. As much as I want to tell myself that it was just a nightmare, the truth of it is excruciatingly overwhelming.

The truth is I'm a failure. I'm a failure as a provider; a failure as a protector; and a failure as an older brother. I hurt Ponyboy and drove him away that night. I wasn't there to protect him from almost drowning. I couldn't keep Sodapop from being hurt in the process. They deserve a better life than I can give them.

My hands leave my damp face. There is no other option. I have to send Sodapop to the boys' home. It's what's best for him and the only way he'll be safe. That way I'll never get the chance to hurt him again. Just the thought nearly kills me, but I have to do it.

I'll tell him tomorrow.

When I run out of tears I fall into an uneasy sleep, knowing that tomorrow is going to be the worst day of my life.

To be continued...