XXIII. Disturbing truth

…

Completely perplexed and overwhelmed, Regina stood in the middle of the hallway. Everything had happened so quickly that it took her a while to realize what was going on. The ultrasound image had unmistakably shown the shape of a fully developed baby in the uterus, but outwardly Zelena had not shown any signs of being that heavily pregnant. However, she could not remember ever having seen her in figure-hugging clothes. And hadn't she mentioned that Freek had accused her of gaining weight because she snacked too much? Still, it seemed surreal to her that Zelena was now in labor in the delivery room and about to give birth.

Regina stiffened involuntarily when she heard an angry voice from the room in front of her. The door failed to muffle the fact that Zelena was yelling at the doctor and swearing at him fiercely. She couldn't blame her for being in a bad mood because what Whale lacked in subtlety in dealing with his patients, was complemented by his arrogance. Of course, he hadn't allowed her to be with Zelena; she wasn't family after all, and should instead make an effort to inform the child's father. She held her cell phone in her hand, which had already received a call and several messages from Emma but before she could get around to responding and asking her friend to get the number of the phone line on Birch Hill, the door was opened in front of her.

"Fucking idiot, don't touch me!" Zelena screamed in pain, and something clanged as Whale stepped out into the hallway, rolling his eyes.

With a raised eyebrow, she looked at the doctor. "How is she?"

"The baby is due any minute, I guess. As far as I could see, the amniotic fluid is already leaking, but it's not like Miss West is going to let me do my job." Whale sighed in exasperation. "You hear for yourself, she's acting like a fury. Just now she threw a bottle of disinfectant at me. Luckily it wasn't the scissors for the umbilical cord. It's strange that a woman doesn't want to notice when she's carrying a new human being with a final weight about three kilograms. Even with an anterior wall placenta."

"She didn't look pregnant either." She tried to peer past him into the room beyond the door, from which Zelena's angry voice still emanated. "May I see her? I can try to calm her down."

Resignedly, he nodded. "For my sake, try your luck before I have to sedate her and do a C-section after all."

Regina walked past him into the room, where her eyes immediately fell on Zelena, who lay there thrashing violently, the lower half of her body exposed, while a nurse talked to her and tried to restrain her. Both stopped as soon as they noticed her presence. The nurse instructed her to disinfect her hands before allowing her to join Zelena at the head of the bed. Reassuringly, she placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You're gonna taking it out of Whale, you know?" she stated with a faint smile. "Come on, let him help you, so it will be over all the sooner and you can welcome your beautiful baby in your arms."

Zelena shook her head with wide eyes. "No... that blond fumbler is just talking nonsense! I'm not pregnant, I would know if I am. That's ridiculous!"

She reached for a metal kidney dish within her reach, but Regina was quick enough to prevent her from aiming it at the doctor who had entered the room with her. She managed to pry the vessel from Zelena's clutching fingers, though she vehemently resisted.

"Stop it! He may be an insufferable narcissist, but this time he's right. You saw it for yourself on the ultrasound." Gently, she stroked one hand over Zelena's belly covered only by the thin hospital nightgown, clearly feeling the slight bulge. "There's a little baby in there who's in a hurry to meet his or her mommy."

"You're as crazy as he is! I don't want to stay he..."

The rest of the sentence ended in a strained gasp as a violent contraction overtook her. Her breathing, was rapid and intermittent, as if she was having a hard time filling her lungs with enough oxygen. As Regina spoke softly to her, Whale checked his watch and finally nodded.

"Four minutes. We should get to work on bringing this child into the world now. Or would you rather keep throwing things at me?" he commented cynically. "The nurse will give you oxygen goggles to help you breathe easier. When I tell you to, I need you to push with all your strength, understood?"

Zelena did not protest as the thin tube was attached below her nose. Her breathing relaxed; she finally seemed to calm down. But when Whale tried to push her knees further apart, she kicked blindly at him before the next contraction hit her with full force. He signaled the assisting nurse with a wave of his hand to hold her legs so she could no longer struggle against him. The desperate, almost panicked look in her eyes hit Regina in the pit of her stomach and it felt like she was about to crush her hand.

"Push!" the doctor urged her. "Harder!"

Gently, Regina stroked a strand of hair damp with sweat from her forehead. "Everything will be all right, Zelena. You can do this, just hold on a little longer."

She couldn't estimate how much time passed. After three or four strong contractions, she finally saw the reddened wrinkled bundle full of cheesy goo that Whale was carefully lifting up between Zelena's exhausted twitching thighs. Concerned, she noticed that the redhead was still gasping for breath before the child began to cry vigorously, drawing everyone's attention.

"It's a little girl and as good of voice as the mother," Whale said as he clamped the umbilical cord with routine moves. He placed the wriggling newborn on Zelena's belly, but she turned away.

A touched smile played around Regina's lips at the sight of this tiny infant and she caringly stroked her wet sweaty hair. "Did you hear? You have a daughter."

"No, I can't..." she murmured exhaustedly, strictly refusing to look at the baby. "I just can't have a child... I can't."

Zelena didn't manage to continue speaking, panting desperately without enough air seeming to enter her lungs. Alarmed, Whale instructed the nurse to measure the oxygen saturation of her blood. The next moment, Regina was pushed away from the bed.

"Please wait outside while we take care of the patient," the young woman instructed her emphatically.

Hesitantly, her eyes met Zelena's once again, her features contorted. Before she had to let go, she felt her hand clasped helpfully. At the door, she turned again. She gulped as Whale pressed a breathing mask to her mouth and nose.

"Why can't she breathe?" she asked anxiously, addressing the nurse who, after a few minutes, brought the baby out in a wheeled crib. "She's fine, isn't she?"

The latter gave her a reassuring smile. "The doc knows what to do. Once he's finished and she was taken to her room, you can see her for a moment."

Regina wanted to snap at her, but then changed her mind. She wouldn't get anywhere that way, either. She went to the waiting room, where she nervously tossed a few coins into the coffee machine and promptly burned her tongue on the vile hot liquid. She hoped that Zelena had only reacted so dismissively in her first overload, because after all, the baby needed its mother. After what felt like an eternity of restless pacing, the nurse stood in front of her again, wearing her nougat-brown hair up.

"How is Zelena?" she immediately wanted to know.

"She's better, don't worry. She's just terribly exhausted. And she's been asking for you."

Silently Regina followed her through a couple of corridors, but it was not Zelena's room to which the nurse led her. Together they entered the infant ward, where only one crib was occupied. The newborn in it was now clean and wrapped in a soft pink blanket.

"If you want, you can take the little one out. She's not made of sugar, even though she seems very delicate. She weighs just almost two and a half kilograms."

As Regina then reverently lifted the tiny baby into her arms, she felt herself transported back to her son's early childhood for a moment. It seemed like the blink of an eye since she had held him like this. A loving smile played around her lips as a little hand closed around her index finger. She noticed the bracelet the girl was wearing, labeled only Baby West.

"Hello, cutie pie," she said softly. "I'm sure you'll twist your mommy around your little finger within a minute when she holds you in her arms."

The nurse eyed her, clearly amused by the gentle maternal manner that hardly anyone knew of her. "Do you know what name the little one shall have?"

She shook her head thoughtfully. Zelena, in fact, seemed to have been completely overwhelmed by getting into labor and had no idea that she had been pregnant - or had denied this circumstance, which she found really disturbing.

"We should make sure that mother and child are no longer separated."

Carefully, Regina put the infant back in his crib, which she was allowed to wheel while the nurse finally took her to Zelena's room.

"Five minutes. They both have to recover from the birth and also need their time to get used to each other," she cautioned. "You're welcome to come back tomorrow morning after nine at visiting hours."

Regina nodded before entering the small room, where she saw Zelena lying absently on the bed. She rolled the baby next to her before taking it out and joining her on the edge.

"Look, there is someone to meet you," she said softly. "She's adorable."

Still Zelena didn't respond at all to her newborn. Regina could well imagine that she was still completely overstrained. During her own marriage, her monthly bleeding had always been accompanied by a sense of relief, but ever since she had held three weeks old Henry in her arms for the first time, she was completely certain that she would have been able to love a child fathered by her husband as much as she loved this boy. She gently took Zelena's hand in hers to bring it within reach of the baby. Its delicate rosy fingers wrapped around her thumb as it looked up at her from its big blue eyes.

"I can't." Zelena murmured distraught, but she didn't manage to turn away.

Regina stroked her tangled red hair. "This is your sweet daughter. You carried her inside you and gave birth to her. She needs you, Zelena, and perhaps you need her as well. There is no greater gift than the love of a child. Let her into your heart, just try it."

As if mechanically, Zelena withdrew her hand and after a moment actually sat up so that she could gently place the infant in her arms. Silently she looked at her baby, whose fingers reached for a lock of her hair. Tears ran down her cheeks, whereupon she blinked and wiped her face with the back of her hand. She avoided looking at the girl again.

"I can't keep her." Her voice was hoarse from the efforts of childbirth. "I don't even know how to take care of such a small child."

Reassuringly, Regina stroked her shoulder. "You'll learn. Your daughter will teach you to understand what she needs. I think right now she's hungry and wants to be breastfed. You have to show her the way."

"You think so?" Uncertainly, Zelena looked down at the infant, who had begun sucking her thumb with an unhappy contorted face. She opened the top buttons of her nightgown and clumsily tried to put the baby in the right position. Hungrily, its tiny lips closed around her nipple and it began to suckle, smacking contentedly.

A smile flitted across Regina's face as she noticed the change in the redhead. "She still needs a name. Do you have one?"

She slowly shook her head. "Look at her, she's so small and helpless. She deserves better than this."

"But you're her mother, and I can tell you love her." To give her some privacy, she turned away and looked out the window that led into a small courtyard, barren in winter. "Your husband will be quite enchanted when he sees her. Daughters are always little princesses to their fathers."

Zelena uttered a dry bitter laugh. "That's not true for mine."

As Regina turned back around in irritation, Zelena pressed a hand to her mouth in shock. All color had drained from her face, as if she had seen a ghost. There was a disturbing expression in her wide eyes that darted hurriedly around the room.

"What's wrong?" she inquired cautiously.

She forced herself to take a deep breath. "Doesn't matter. I thought I heard something."

Suspicious, Regina frowned, sensing there was more to it. "Yes, it does. I can tell you're scared. What's up with your dad?"

"Nothing at all, just forget it." Almost pleadingly, Zelena stared at her. "Please."

"No way. You look as if you have just seen a ghost." Concerned, Regina grabbed her free hand. "Talk to me, Zelena. I want to help you, if you'll let me."

"You can't. I have to keep my mouth shut, or he... he'll punish me if I don't."

"What the hell are you talking about?" To show her that she wasn't alone, Regina intertwined their fingers. "Whatever's on the tip of your tongue, it won't leave this room. Trust me."

"Freek..." She looked out of it, her eyes were half-closed. "He's actually not my husband, he's... my father."

Regina's features derailed at that moment. Before she could really comprehend what she had just learned, the door was opened and the resolute nurse came in to remind her that her time was now finally over. Gently, she put her hand on Zelena's arm as a goodbye. She had so many things going through her mind that she wanted to say to her, but she could not find the words. The truth was unthinkable.

"You will not let anyone see her," she instructed the nurse. "Especially not her… husband, she doesn't want to see him. Promise me."

The woman nodded in irritation. "All right, I'll pass that on when my shift ends."

Gratefully, she hinted at a smile. She didn't want to just leave Zelena alone after this disturbing confession, but she could also tell that she was completely beside herself after the past hours and didn't really understand what she had just revealed to her. The lie she lived. Before she closed the door behind her, she heard the nurse's gentle voice explaining to Zelena that she also had to let her child suckle on her other breast.