I absolutely loved the Isekai Spider's storytelling where they told the plot in two timelines: The present and the future, so I'm adapting it into this fic as well.
You could skip this chapter if you wanna, actually you could skip any chapter in this fic if you wanna, the plot would probably make absolutely no sense in the future anyways so whats the point of reading this fic chronologically anymore?
"2 in the front, Pestilence, do you have visuals?" War's voice asked over.
"I could shoot them anytime, it wouldn't make noise." I answered a second after without even thinking about it.
There was a tug on my throat when I said that, when was the last time I drank water?
It's also a cold night, I'm only wearing a shirt, where did my blazer go?
Where did I left it-
"-eliminate them. Pestilence, do you copy?"
I could've sworn I was wearing one-
"Pestilence?"
*PEW* *PEW*
I saw the two men that were behind the scope of my Sako TRG 22 fell down to their knees almost comically since their life got taken away from them in less than a second.
"Death, Famine, entrance is clear." Why are our radios so low quality? We're saving the world here you know? Could've at least made it to the point where we can hear each other smoothly.
The bushes harboring the entrance of the forest started making a noise, an animal, or the wind?
No, an enemy.
I pulled out the 1911 silenced pistol from my waist as I shot the enemy directly in the head that was trying to sneak up on me.
"It's a trap-"
*BOOM*
Before I could warn them, an explosion loud enough to make the normal human ears start ringing happened right in front of the house that we've been eyeing since this morning, and fortunately; I don't have normal ears.
"War, do you have visuals on Famine and Death?" I asked over the radio
The only response I got was the sounds of about 15 automatic rifles being shot, one of them was from War.
He's too busy, I have to do something myself.
"Death, Famine, do you copy?"
Before I could hear their response, the leaves started making a rustling noise again. An enemy?
No, it was the wind this time.
The wind generated from a helicopter, an attack helicopter to be exact, it's too dark to get the specific model though.
I pressed the red button on our radio, "Code:3, green light for Air Support."
*BRTTTTT* *BRTTTTT* *BRTTTTT*
God fucking dammit-
"Pestilence, War, we've secured the ground floor, evacuate inside now." The voice of Famine came over the radio.
At the same time, I saw the closed door on the side of the house. I can't go directly to the front, because the walls there are made of glass. The M230 Chain Gun of the helicopter will go through them like paper.
No obstacles anywhere in the straight path, normally you wouldn't want those, but that's exactly what I need right now.
Tsk, I have to keep using the forest as cover.
I've longed dropped my rifle once I heard the helicopter. I learned the hard way that carrying it like they do in games is not so beneficial for your health.
I also probably would've died right now if it was day time and they had clear vision of where they're shooting.
I could've tried bringing the helicopter down with my rifle, but the pilot is good, he left me with zero openings, and aiming for the propellers is impossible since it's facing directly towards me.
Besides, one miss from me means death.
So I kept running.
"Pestilence, throwing a smoke grenade at 3 o'clock from you, use it as a decoy."
Perfect.
I made a beeline towards the side of the smoke…No.
They will expect that tactic.
Right about now, they're looking anywhere besides the smoke grenade, since even if there is a smoke cover, it's not enough to hide away from 200 bullets of hell.
They're not that stupid.
So how do you overcome an overwhelmingly strong opponent that's also smart enough for any logical tactics?
You give them a strategy, a solution they've never seen before.
This is called…
"To have a successful plan, not only is it crucial for your enemies not to know it, you also have to be completely oblivious about it."
So I made a beeline towards the smoke, and as expected, they didn't start shooting until I made it out of the smoke, and was already only 8 meters away from the target location.
Because of this stupid, yet unexpected enough to work plan, the pilot panicked, and abandoned the strategy he was using until now.
Only showing the bottom of the helicopter.
The pilot turned the aircraft diagonally towards me so he could get a better view of the shot, but unfortunately for him, he wasn't adjusting to himself.
He was adjusting for War.
*BANG*
The sound of the helicopter falling down to meet it's soon to be graveyard was heard in my back, and I cursed fate, and myself for falling one second behind.
My back thigh was shot by one of the enemies inside the helicopter before it got out of control.
When was the last time I got shot in that area?
"Code:3, Air Support, standby."
The last thing I said before the door behind me got shut by War.
"Regroup on the second floor using the two southeast stairwells." War ordered over the radio, normally, you would say a lot more, but those two need no warning.
The enemy has gone on the defensive, there are bound to be traps waiting for us at every corner.
The target is the vault underground, but to get there, we need two verification items.
The owner of this house's head, and a keycard from one of the guards.
They switch who's holding it every 10 minutes, so we'll have to search each one of them…is what we'd normally do, but unfortunately for the enemy, she was able to make a perfect copy at time.
Uneven floors…It's a tripwire.
No need to disarm it, going over it is fine, the motion detecting ones are at the stairs.
How do I know? Nobody has used the stairs in all the hours we've watched them, all of them went to the elevator to navigate through this 2 level mansion.
That means the automatic tripwires are at the stairs which War is disarming right now.
Going through the elevator will be slower than just disarming the traps manually, and besides, most of them are probably waiting for us there.
Needless to say, the other pair would know this too-
*BOOM*
Sigh.
That lazy bastard…or did he just forget his tools?
Oh well, it's not like none of them weren't expecting us to come through the stairs anyways.
War slowly started moving up the stairs as I removed the silenced MP9 submachine gun strapped against my back.
I began inspecting it…a red dot huh? It's not my first option.
"At least 8 of the enemies are focusing on my stairwell, they're all yours."
Oh, did he activate the tripwire on purpose to get the attention of the people that would be able to hear it?
Nah, it was just a lucky coincidence. That always works in his favor though.
Before making the final step to get to the second floor, War suddenly crouched, and put up two fingers.
Those two fingers meant two things; get rid of the two enemies in front of us in two seconds.
I couldn't see them in this position, so I used the railing as footing to gain the height needed.
*PEW* *PEW*
Before the dead bodies could hit the floor, War was already there to silence their fall.
Behind the left corner in front of us should be the hall that leads to the other stairwell.
After confirming their numbers, War unsocketed a grande from his belt.
This wouldn't kill all of them, but that's what the guns are for.
A bomb and a couple of gunshots later, and our other companion made it to the second floor.
The owner of the house should be behind this room in the center. What a grand and cliche interior adobe of a criminal.
There were no other guards after those that we killed, so they're all probably waiting for us inside.
Hoh?
The door suddenly opened as we made it in front of the center.
This is somewhat unexpected.
"I'm unarmed and alone, do you really think I have more men after sending that many people to kill all of you? Please, come inside."
We kept quiet as we scanned the whole room. It's your average massive bedroom of a mansion suited for this region, except there is nothing inside aside from a desk and a chair that's hosting our target.
And that eerie wall made of glass behind our target that is reflecting everything inside the room, including that closed door that was wide opened merely a few seconds ago.
"Not very talkative huh? I know of a group like you three, the ones that killed my brother. There are four of them, I deem you three capable enough to take them down, tell me how much your client is paying, and I will double it."
"The vault, I want the vault as the payment."
To say that the only woman in this room was surprised would be an understatement.
Her face suddenly sharpened, Her big smile from earlier completely missing, it was replaced by an evil grin.
"So that makes me more confident that you cannot kill me, your client has ordered you to specifically not to, I am the most important person in this useless rich city after all."
She's absolutely right.
"But if you really do know about the vault, then I'm afraid my offer from earlier is gone, I didn't expect them to know about that place so quickly, I already know who hired you, I'll kill them too after you three."
She's absolutely wrong.
"Send them hell." She spoke over a radio she's been holding ever since we entered the room.
"Understood." A familiar voice responded back.
A couple seconds of pure silence later…
"What are you doing? Shoot them already!"
"Umm…"
"What!?"
"The glass looks expensive, I don't want to break it, is there another way to exit this room? Besides through the roof of course, since it's too cold outside."
The woman's expression was the one that started going through hell, "Give the radio to another man! I will kill you once I find out who you are! Now!"
"Umm, I would but…There is no other 'man' here except for me, the ones that could still talk at least."
Her face of realization is worthy of an oscar.
As a final desperate attempt, she opened a drawer and aimed a pistol at us.
Tried aiming might've been the better words, it was shot out of her hand a second later after all.
"I can't die here! Not until I avenge my brother! You could have anything -just kill them! I would even give you everything in the vault…just kill those four! The…wait…Four?
There are…four of you, including the man behind the glass…"
Her face of realization is worthy of an oscar, part two.
A knife huh?
People give up way too easily. Where was the woman earlier that was so full of life with revenge?
Before having the chance to stab herself, the drug started taking into effect. Just in time, like always.
Without power in her hands, her final words before passing out were:
"The Four Horsemen."
She said it with such malice that it almost made me flinch.
"Good work, Famine." I said as I pressed the red button on the radio, "Code:1, 15 minutes extraction time."
"Carry him, Death. Your punishment for failing stealth protocol earlier." War ordered as he shot a portion of the glass wall, and Famine entered through it.
"But that was a decoy I made-"
"No excuses."
From a person that just took a couple dozens of lives tonight, Death looked the most troubled with carrying someone on his back.
"We'll exit through where Famine sneaked in earlier, directly outside to the roof." War pronounced as we left the now further emptied room.
Well, I don't think any of us could be troubled with taking lives anymore, it's been our job for 2 years now after all.
"Anyone remember the house clause of this mission?" Famine asked as we made it to the elevators.
"There was none-" Before War could finish, Famine decompressed a bag that could easily fit a body.
"-but we have no time, especially when we need all four of us to find what we need in the vault."
Even through his mask, you could tell that Famine was highly disappointed.
"Ehh? Do we really need to crash their wedding? There's so much stuff to steal in this house too."
"We aren't crashing anything, we're properly attending to it." I corrected as the elevator dinged, signifying that we made it to the basement where the vault lies.
"Miura huh…? I haven't seen her since the bank job."
Don't phrase it like that idiot, it's making us look like the evil people.
"And besides, when was the last time you saw her in a gown?" I asked, knowing full well this will motivate him more than any jewelry could in the world.
"I don't care about the loot of this house anymore, I don't even care about the vault or the mission itself. Let's leave immediately, I want to see her."
Such a simple minded personality, I wonder if anyone could have guessed that this man is the greatest liar in the world?
Well, I'm also excited to see her in a gown.
"Access Granted." The vault opened as we prepared for the final part of our mission.
This air, this humidity, this is Japan. It will never get old.
"Would you like a car service, Sirs?"
Why did you three all look at me like she didn't just address all of us with a plural word?
Oh well, I am the richest among us after all.
"The fastest one available, please." The woman just bowed as an affirmative and took the empty plates off our table.
And before I could even start thinking about exiting this overly expensive plane, Kiyotaka stopped me.
"We're in Japan, Hachiman, we have to blend in."
"Ehhhh? But I like the way I look right now, or are you perhaps just missing the old Hachiman's appearance?"
The man in question just sighed, and removed his wig along with the other two passengers on board.
What a shame, I was planning to surprise all of them with this as well…
I took off the hair wig, grabbed some wipes to undo the make up, and lastly removed my contact lenses, I took a glance in the face mirror and saw my iconic dead fish eyes.
Though, it really wouldn't feel right coming home without these. What else would Yukino denigrate about my appearance if I went there looking like a perfect prince? I might just have a chance of stealing the bride from Hayama which doesn't sound so bad of an idea.
"Our clothes are too expensive, we should change as well-"
"Okay we get it, Hero, let's just get going or we'll be late." Sakuta shut off Kiyotaka's mouth as he dragged the brown haired man out of the plane.
Houtarou and I followed soon after.
Ohh? It's been quite a while since I was able to ride in one of these vehicles, all of our previous missions required us to have trucks equipped with guns instead after all.
A Maybach S600 Pullman.
The door was already opened for us as we went inside in our respective order.
Kiyotaka, Sakuta, Me, Houtarou. And yes, this is also how we enter any room with an enemy behind it.
"Good Morning, , , , and . Did you all have a successful journey?"
"Since when have we ever failed, Satoshi? And I didn't know you worked as a driver now."
"That's so mean, Houtarou! It took a lot of convincing for them to finally understand that we're best friends, you know?"
"So as my great best friend, and our most dependable database, would you kindly inform us of what the hell is happening to our homeland Japan?"
"Criminal activities have increased abnormally for the past few weeks…"
The fatigue started creeping up to me as I missed the most likely important information Fukube just gave to all of us.
How could you!? He was never reluctant in doing anything you people ever wished for! He was loyal!
"Hachiman-"
He killed countless people he doesn't even know the names of just because you told him to!
"Earth to Hachiman-"
And now when he fails to do one order…! You kill him?! You people… Are heartless creatures! Forgot being a bad human being! You all have already stepped down from that years ago!
"Yukino is being harassed by-"
I woke up with my right hand clenching the place where my holster usually is placed.
"We're here."
In less than 5 seconds, I stood up from my seat, fixed my suit, and my hair…well it's naturally messy like that, so I'll just let it be.
Besides, no one might recognize me if I try a different one, and I forgot to ask for a hair tie.
I looked up at the humongous building that's completely hiding away from us; it was an extravagant church.
"The 37th largest church in all of Japan! This one ranks in the top ten in terms of the interior though." Our database explained as we walked towards the grand entrance that could fit at least 56 and a half 1911's from it's length, and the width would be able to-
"Names please?" The man wasn't particularly huge, but he had an aura emitting of someone with power. He was wearing a white suit like a lot of people are in this big gathering.
I saw his look of disgust that only lasted for 0.7 seconds when he saw my face. It's rather nostalgic, getting that same look I had from other people when I was still in High School.
"Yukinoshita Hachiman."
The man immediately bowed as a show of apology once he heard my name, my surname to be exact.
"Forgive me for not realizing sooner, . I'll call someone immediately to guide you all-"
"That would not be needed…" I took a small glance at his name tag, " ." I could see the man shivering in fear at the mention of his name.
I could also tell that the man has been working at this job for at least a decade now, it would be funny to just fire him completely from this.
"Ow!" I felt a karate chop on the top of my head.
"Would you stop acting like a big shot already? It's making me cringe."
This smell, I would never mistake it for anyone else.
The distinct smell of ramen, the strong smell of cigarettes, and that same perfume she's been using for however long she's been alive. Don't tell her I thought of that though.
"You were invited too, Sensei?"
"I actually wasn't! That's why I've been waiting for you, since this scary man –that could easily be passed off as my husband if he just asks– wasn't letting me in!"
She's not taken and still hungry for men? Would I really have to ask Yukino for a polyamorous relationship just so I could take her?
"Those brats! How dare they not invite their GTS?"
"Are you sure you're just not forgetting about receiving an invitation, Great Teacher Shizuka?"
A fist that I could not even anticipate coming when I was still in High School approached me. A fist that suddenly looks so stagnant, like I just activated the power of the Speed Force to slow down time.
It was harder to actually take the hit instead of just dodging it instinctively like what my body would've done if this was any other person besides Sensei.
"Gah!" I bent down from what would look like pain from the outside, but the sensation I felt was more like someone caressing my abdomen instead of punching it with their full force.
Rather, she looked more surprised than I did.
"Geez, how much muscle have you put on?" Sensei casually says, shaking the hand that punched me like it was hurting.
"And just why did you do that to your favorite student you haven't seen for 134 days?"
"I'm very honored to be someone important enough to you that you're counting how many days we haven't seen each other, but you took a jab at my age with that earlier question. You basically just called me old for thinking I have dementia for forgetting something."
Dementia is not completely objected to age though.
"Well, I must say that you look completely the same, Sensei." I looked over her attire that was eerily similar to the one she wore at prom 4 years ago. Including her hairstyle, the length of her eyelashes, the amount of makeup she had on, and the size of every proportion that could be considered part of her physical appearance. And no, I am not a creep or a pervert, my head just does all those deductions in a matter of a second. "Completely the same."
"You haven't changed much as well, Hikigaya."
I just smiled at the name she mentioned, the name that feels so distant now even though I wore it for the majority of my life.
There's only three things that I don't want to do in life that are somehow essential in the way of living.
Your inevitable death, taxes, and attending parties. Or just generally having to entertain a lot of people with a fake smile.
There's nothing much worse than being forced to say something that your mind and body refuses to do.
Well there is, having to say it endlessly for one night.
There are-
"Hikitani-kun?"
Who the hell dares cut off my monologue by that short!? The community demands at least 4 or more paragraphs per cut!
"You're wasting water, you know?" I looked down at my wet hands, and the water looked a slight tint of red for a second.
"My apologies, excuse me-"
"Do you really not remember one of your best friends from High School?"
Best friend? Did I even have a male friend in High School?
Iroha, Yui, Saki, Sensei would count I guess…Komachi too but that also means I have to add Haruno…Yumiko is also a possibility ever since that incident happened…
And of course, the last but not least, Saika Totsuka!
And someone that's very big boned…Zaimaku? Zaikomu? Zenitsu? Zakari Kenpachi? Anyways, it's someone that's an otaku.
"It's Tobe, dude."
Tobe…Tobe….Tobe…
"Y'know, I think it would help if you would at least look at my face for once."
I turned around from the hand dryer that's been cleansing the water out of my hands for the past minute.
"Tobe Kakeru? You changed your hairstyle, sorry for not recognizing you."
"Well, I started hating the long hair when I let it grow, so I figured out why not change it since I could look more proper for my best friend's wedding- Hey, that's rude, I'm not finished talking yet!"
"But I'm finished listening." Tobe started chasing me out of the bathroom.
And before I could exit through the door, I bumped into a small figure, from the size, the smell, and just the overall appearance of the person in front of me; I fully deduce this human to be a woman.
Absolutely no objections, even though she's clearly entering the men's bathroom.
"Oh Totsuka-san!" The person behind me greeted upon seeing us on the floor.
"I'm sorry for not being aware of my surroundings…Hachiman?"
That was a critical hit! Why is it hitting so much more than before? Was it because I haven't seen her for a long time?
"Saika…I've longed for you."
Ah, didn't mean to say that out loud.
"Likewise, Hachiman! I missed you too!"
I did mean to say it out loud, thank you Brain-chan for failing at your job.
It was actually Heart-san that brought those words out of your mouth.
Ehh? Does that mean I'm in l-l-l-love with T-t-totsuka?!
From how much you make me think and agonize about polyamory, your choices in the matter are rather exorbitant.
You're right, the only reason I didn't choose the Totsuka route was because I knew I didn't stand a chance of ever taking the heart of this unmatchable Goddess. Just her knowing of my presence is enough to satisfy me.
What are you, a stan?! Don't drag me into your foolishness!
"I'm pretty sure you've spent more time with me than Totsuka-san, so with all due respect-"
The background character got cut off to my ears like there was an option in a game that completely does that which I think still doesn't exist. Like are you seriously trying to have me hear the same thing over and over again whenever I visit Hogsmeade, you damn lazy game developers!?
"Saika, do you want to celebrate this grand reconciliation with some wine testing?"
The aforementioned put a hand on her chin to think about it.
"Okay…Not too much though, I don't wanna get drunk during the wedding-"
Once I heard the last word in her sentence, every single nerve in my body stopped working.
Brain-chan here for the explanation! Hachiman is now gonna enter the mode I usually call: Sage!
In this state of mind, Hachiman wouldn't have one! As such, I will disappear for how many periods of time his body wants! Aside from sleeping, this is the only time where I could actually rest! I appreciate it, Hachiman!
"Wedding?" The man on the floor looked down at their clothes, "You…Me…Wedding?" His voice was rather deep, so deep that you could associate him with being a creep.
"Yeah, we're both attending the wedding."
The man brought the woman up the floor in a bridal carry in less than a second.
"Hachiman? I'm not hurt so you don't have to carry me- Wait Hachiman, bringing me out there will be too embarrassing! Let's do it somewhere else-"
Oh I forgot to mention, Sage is just another term for the Deep Voice Bastard filled with the primal desire of a healthy male that overtakes Hachiman's consciousness, and any kind of rational thinking! I'm also too weak to fight it!
"...Sexual harassment, disturbance of the public and private property, rape, non-con, cheating, NTR, Femboy, BL, threesome, nakada-"
"Stop! Why did you just start naming tags? And where was the threesome in the-"
"Silence, assailant. The witnesses and the victim speak first."
All heads turned to the nearest witness of the 'crime' that took place at around 1 PM in the afternoon.
"From the first place, Hikitani-kun was already acting weird, and he even confessed his feelings to the victim! Hikitani-kun also asked the victim to marry him by force!"
Marriage huh…? I wonder what she would like in an apron…Just the apron…Heh. I mean I am a guy after all…I have desires, and it's clearly unhealthy to hold them back since the Deep Voice Bastard inside me would fall out of control…
"Your honor, you can clearly tell from his disgusting face that the assailant is thinking of doing something malicious again using those dead fish eyes of his to the victim, or any other parties that would soon get involved if he doesn't face the appropriate consequences. I petition to put him behind bars for life until he fixes his creepy appearance."
I can't really do anything with my appearance, you know? Well, not unless Hero over there permits it.
"Objection your honor! Hachiman is my friend, and I didn't think he had bad intentions-"
I'm so sorry to tell you about this, despite how magnificent and perfect you are, Totsuka, but you barely have any chance to win against a Yukinoshita. Two of them? You'll have a better chance of finding a universe of me dating one of them.
Unfortunately, this is not that universe. Not anymore at least.
"Objection overruled! The victim would not have a say in this, because a report just came in that the assailant could use his dead fish eyes to influence his victims! Such a terrifying creature, indeed!"
The Judge looked behind my side of the court, and only saw one person.
"You are not qualified to be a lawyer, and will never be, but for the sake of plot; you will be one."
"That's so mean, Haru-chan! Did you just call me an airhead?"
"Yes, and I officially send your client to 88 years of prison!" The trial ended as the judge hit her gavel.
"I will miss you, Oni-chan!" I'm a demon now?
"Me too, Hikki!" That's not even in my name anymore…
"I don't know how it turned out like this, but I'm really sorry, Hachiman! I promise I'll visit you in prison!" Why am I suddenly getting motivated to get arrested?
"What a way to ruin the most important day of a maiden's life, you still haven't learned your manners." Maybe if I had a capable teacher, then maybe I would've learned better, right Sensei?
"I'll send a letter occasionally, Hikiassailant-kun." Again, that's not even in my name anymore…
"And such, the wedding continued with the subtraction of one Hikiga- Yukinoshita Hachiman. We'll see you next season, Senpai!"
Suddenly, the room was filled with the noise of clapping as the lights turned on, and the dark mood faded.
"I wasn't expecting to watch a stage play in a wedding ceremony, but that was well done, the fact that it was completely improvised just makes it more impressive."
"I could feel the emotions of every actor on the stage, it felt like an actual trial."
I was brought off the stage by these three, and I effortlessly removed the zip tie on my hands once we were out of the audience's view.
"That was a rather eccentric reunion." Most would think that the most popular people attending the wedding would be the Yukinoshitas, but it's actually her.
"Mai-san, I was looking for you. Did you enjoy the play?" Ranked as the seventh most popular actress in Japan in the year 2018 which is this one.
"The acting was poor, but you did a good job standing completely still until it was your turn, I didn't even notice your presence until you made it known." Oh I have that skill too! "Overall, I'll give it a 4/10."
"As expected of you, Mai-san. How was your work?"
"The director just announced a romance movie. There was a kiss scene in it."
"Mai-san, can you repeat that last sentence, please?" I would be mad too if someone had the chance to kiss Totsuka- I mean Yukino even if it's for the sake of acting.
"There was a kiss scene in the movie."
"And may you please decline that offer for your movie?"
"I'm not the one doing the kiss scene, so I don't really know if I could convince the director to cut it from the movie." Sakuta just sighed in both relief and dejection.
Why do I feel like I've heard this conversation before? I think it was from an anime…One with a bunny girl specifically…
"Thank you for supporting our improvised play! Next up is the improvised Violin performance by Karuizawa Kei-senpai!"
Kiyotaka's eyes have been closed this whole time, but it shot open like dinner plates once he heard the aforementioned name.
The first strings of the Violin were heard as the atmosphere of the room suddenly changed.
When I looked back, Kiyotaka was already gone from his spot.
A violin performance is never complete without a piano accompaniment.
Houtarou is gone too, along with Sakuta and his girlfriend…
Sigh.
Die you normies!
Society is failing because you prioritize useless side quests such as dates, sleep overs, and-
"Hikiassailant-kun."
Who the hell dares interrupt my monologue for the second time this day?!
Oh…I'm falling.
I couldn't see her face properly earlier before because of the lights and where I was positioned, but the color white of her dress truly fits every single part of her physical appearance.
And this time, her face is not filled with disgust like earlier.
"I'm not a Hikigaya anymore, you know? And please don't show that smile so casually, I want to keep being a loyal husband to my wife."
"I understand, Yukiassailant-kun."
"You're also referring to yourself when you say that, you know? Do you want to be associated with a criminal of 8…? charges like me?"
"It is the wife's duty to share any pain and suffering her husband might feel. Naturally, it's mine too."
"You have to phrase your sentences better, or people like me might get the wrong idea."
"But I've never been wrong, and I've always trusted you to make the right decision, so whatever you're thinking; it's probably the correct idea."
I smiled, dropping my high school cynical act.
"Yukino, I've longed for you-"
"Isn't that what you also said to Totsuka-san? Sigh* Why did I have to marry such a playboy?"
Feeling somebody's body warmth lovingly for the first time in months will enrapture any sane human being on the planet.
"I can't control what comes out of my mouth sometimes, but this is definitely something I've only done with you." I stated, gripping her whole body harder than before, it's so soft that I could easily see myself breaking it without so much of a thought.
"See what I mean? You're so good at avoiding conversations, and convincing women."
"Well, I thank you for teaching me how to do that, since you were the first-"
"I get it, you're just one of those playboys that flirts around, but really only loves one woman, so shut up and kiss me already."
I brought my hands up to her flawless face, and did something I should've been doing every single day.
After 8 seconds, she ran out of breath and was forced to break the kiss.
"Mhm, you got better at kissing too. Seriously, just what did I see in you?"
That is…a good question, I don't know what she saw in me either, but maybe…
"Maybe I'm actually just a hot guy?"
I said that as sarcastically as I could, so why are you blushing so tremendously, woman?
"Y-you were…interesting…Uhm, no…More like…different, not that too, but…It suited you rather well?"
Oh, she must be talking about that.
"F-fukube-san was kind enough to s-show me some pictures of your trip overseas, and I m-must say that your dead fish eyes definitely brings down your hot- I mean good looking appearance."
Do you really think your bangs are enough to hide your hopeless, trembling figure?
"So you don't like the ponytail anymore? Want me to switch to that one on our dates?"
"No! I mean I still like your hair being tied, but this o-other one is good too…Very good."
Your mother would be so disappointed with the lack of vocabulary you have when you're blushing, or feeling embarrassed, Yukino.
"And your dead fish eyes bring a sense of security…You wouldn't be Hikiga- Yukinoshita Hachiman without those eyes…But I don't mind seeing the other you from time to time as well…"
Heh, I quite liked that other me as well, we just have to escape Hero's vision, so I could use it without trouble.
Thankfully, that would be easy with the presence of Kei Karuizawa.
"You look rather sick Yukino, wanna sit down to calm yourself, and enjoy this duet?"
"Duet? I only hear one instrument playing though-"
As if it was on queue, the sound of the piano entered our ears as every single eye was suddenly stuck to the stage if they weren't already.
3 hours until the wedding.
I really hope that assassination message was a lie.
The assassination message was in fact, not a lie.
"I've confirmed 7 uninvited guests that faked an alias. Three has created a group in a table, the other four's locations are unknown." Houtarou said over the earpiece.
"I found one that's in close proximity to the male's bathrooms. Are you sure they weren't hiding weapons when you searched for them earlier, Hachiman?"
"There's a chance they forged it into the wall itself, but that will take too long for them to take it out unless they have something to break it in one go." I answered Kiyotaka's question.
"Sakuta, have you confirmed their belongings?"
"They have pistols stuck under their tables, knives in their possession, and one of them is strapped with bombs."
This could've been avoided if we just got the message earlier, and put actual security to this place.
And we can't really just kill them on sight, since we don't know where the detonator is.
Sigh, I came back home to Japan to relax.
"What's the plan, Houtarou?" I nonchalantly asked the smartest person in this call. Arguably the whole world for that matter.
And I could tell from a mile away that he's doing that thing where he plays with his bangs while thinking.
"We should isolate them. First we start with…"
How is this happening? I've just been told by my husband –who I've only been reunited with for an hour after 6 long months without his presence– that an assassination of Hayama-kun is gonna transpire once the bride makes its way to the groom!
A rival business perhaps? Do they really have to go to such lengths? Hayama Hayato is set to take over the HIC (Hayama Industrial Corporation) soon, but killing a man on his wedding day in front of his soon to be wife?
Unforgivable.
But how are they gonna stop it?
I have no doubt in their abilities as…people who save the world, but could they stop this without making a scene?
Could they do something about it without alerting anyone that an assassination is even happening?
"...I know, but everything will be fine, Yukino." The last words of my husband before he left me.
"Yukinon? Why do you look so down?" My best friend's face suddenly lit up in surprise, "Are you perhaps opposed to Haya-san's wedding!?"
I couldn't care less what kind of woman, or even man he marries, but I worry enough about Hayama-kun since I don't want to attend his funeral at such an early age.
No sane human does.
"If Hachiman were to ask you to trust him with your life, what would you answer with?"
Before Yui could even open her mouth to answer such a random question, the host of the wedding ceremony responded instead. "Yes with absolute certainty! He's already responsible for it after all!"
Responsible huh…?
"Tell me why exactly do you need to go out there and risk your life? Do you even want to do this?"
"I would rather stay here with you-"
"So answer me, why!?"
"Because it's my responsibility."
Is this one of your responsibilities too, Hachiman?
How many responsibilities have you even shouldered?
I saw a glimpse of Azusagawa-san in a waiter uniform delivering food into the tables.
But at least…you're not alone this time.
"The table group of three is making a move towards the chapel, Hachiman." There is a big room just next door to the chapel for people to celebrate after the wedding is finished. We've reached the point where it's only a matter of time until the bride starts her walk.
Everyone has moved to the chapel, and everyone is waiting patiently at their seats.
"We have eyes on the other three sitting, four are in the balcony, and-"
The Hayama family including the groom started making its way to the wedding altar.
Yumiko's parents were also there.
"The other one is the photographer wearing sunglasses."
If you're wondering where I am right now, I'm positioned inside the priest's table where I would be a couple inches away from where they would start making their vows.
This is the perfect place to be at if Houtarou's prediction of the enemy's goal is correct.
And he's never been wrong.
There's only three ways this could go down.
One: Someone out of the seven, or all of the enemies makes a move, and we eliminate them all. The chances of the bomb exploding would be at its highest in this path.
Two: We eliminate them now, catching them off guard. The chances of the bomb exploding would be less since I'm confident we could kill all of them before they touch any kind of detonator, but what if the detonator is somewhere else?
And besides, we want to finish this mission with making the least of a ruckus and still having the wedding possible, so that brings us to option three: Become the enemy. And I mean that literally.
Also, without that bomb, this whole thing would've been dealt with the moment we knew about it.
Curse you humans for creating such an abomination.
We obviously picked the third option.
After a couple more minutes of waiting, the narthex opened wide revealing a blonde woman in full white.
With every single step she took, I was mesmerized by her divine appearance. Anyone would, even married men like me.
This makes me wonder…When am I gonna have a wedding ceremony?
Should I even have one? After that incident happened minutes before I could see my bride?
I might just be cursed by the romance Gods to never have a wedding such as this one.
The bride exchanged her hands from her father to her husband. The latter bearing the most genuine smile I've ever seen on his face.
The priest finished his speech with the final words, "You may now kiss the bride-"
A hand was placed between them, and it dragged Yumiko away from Hayama.
"Do not move." The man disguised as the photographer opened his blazer to reveal straps of bombs all over his body. He was wearing a black mask.
Screams filled the whole building, and a group of two made their way towards the altar, the other person strapped with bombs wrapping his arms towards the defenseless Hayama who couldn't do anything but watch the display of complete control over his wife and himself.
You might be wondering why couldn't we just escort Hayama and Yumiko out of the wedding, and avoid further casualties?
Well, that is because a wedding is the most important day of a woman's life. We don't wanna ruin it.
"Everyone leave this place, or we'll bomb all of you along with the bride and the groom." The voice sounded absolute, like it was the voice of God bringing his divine punishment to a mortal being.
Even though the voice sounded like that, it felt so familiar.
All of the people in front were still stuck to their seats as the ones standing at the back started moving out of the building.
"MOVE!" His voice alone was enough to convince them. Most of them at least.
Almost everybody moved, but three people sitting next to each other contemplated.
"You three want to die?" The man not holding Yumiko nor Hayama pointed a gun to the three people still in their seats.
Aside from those three though, there were still other people who haven't left, Hayama's parents, Yumiko's parents, and our closest friends who are hiding watching this scene unfold. Perfect.
There were four people that still stayed behind in the balcony and were watching the scene from above.
A small sound of a thud was heard, and the four people in the balcony were no longer watching the scene from above.
Those sleeping sedatives always come perfectly in time.
"You…Who are you people?" One of the three that were in the benches asked the masked people that had Hayama and Yumiko as hostages.
"We work with the YF. " Once the three people that were the only ones left sitting heard that statement, they showed a shocked expression, and started moving towards the doors. "Pick up your unconscious friends on your way out as well."
Intelligence is the greatest weapon of humanity.
We waited exactly 5 minutes, Hayama's and Yumiko's parents tried to say something, do something but every time they flinched, one of three people wearing a mask would look at them with an expression of 'Don't move or you're dead.'
Once we confirmed that they were gone, the person holding Yumiko along with Hayama released them. They also removed their masks in the process and it revealed Houtarou, Sakuta, and Kiyotaka.
What was my mission in all of this?
I appeared out of the altar, wearing a priest's clothing.
The original one ran away, in fact, he was the first one to do so.
Once their masks were revealed, all of the people that stayed behind went out of hiding.
They wore disgusting expressions except for Yukino, Mai, Eru, and Kei.
The only ones that were actually smiling, and knew what was happening.
I got in front of Hayama and Yumiko, "You may now kiss the bride."
The wedding was concluded without anyone even knowing of the real 'assassination attempt' that almost took place, and the newlyweds lived happily ever after.
You couldn't say the same about the Four Horsemen though, they had to make an excuse worthy enough of the mess that they made to fix what could've been a much bigger problem.
This is something they deal with a daily basis, so-
"Stop narrating, and explain yourselves! Yukinoshita Hachiman, how dare you ruin my wedding!?"
The Fire Queen huh? This brings back memories-
"I said explain yourself! And take that outfit off, you look horrendous in it!"
"Ehh? All our wonderful guests loved our improvised play earlier, so why did they treat this one like it was real? Or were they also part of the act? Anyways, do the kissing thing now. Or do you want me to kiss Hayama instead?"
Hahaha…The Fire Queen is rather fiery today…Where did my sworn brothers go?
Houtarou…Sakuta…Kiyotaka…Mom…Yukino…Please help me-