Author note: Ah, this is close to being my longest fic. My other fic this long took me like five years to break into chapter thirty. Maybe I'm growing up? Nah. Some good old Sephiroth POV, cause why not?
Chapter start
Sometimes, it struck randomly. Knowledge, intimate and obvious at times that seemed elusive at others. The fact that the whole situation he found himself in was ridiculous. That the people around him were slightly mad. None so more than Hojo, and the many leeches infesting the Shinra science division. Yet sometimes, he believed his friends could be mad to a degree. That he was also mad. Mad to go along with any of it. Mad to not leave.
Mad to hear static in his supposed quiet moments, louder and louder, growing through the years. If not for her he might have fallen quicker than he felt he was at times.
Watching her now, standing in the snow and verbally sparring with Genesis, Sephiroth felt the usual mix of emotions. Sophie Shinra was liquid flowing through life, sometimes gentle as a slow stream, or calm lake, others a cascade of heavy quick currents, tugging them all under. He sometimes questioned why he went along with it, and why the resentment wasn't there.
Hojo had guided him in his way. Be the perfect SOLDIER. Be the perfect subject, laying there perfectly still. Even when blood slipped in rivulets down torn and surgically sliced skin. To this day he couldn't stand the scent of antiseptic, or bleach, hospital clean an anathema to his senses.
Her fury had cemented her place in his life. She had found him before he could cleanse the evidence of his blood away, weaker than usual as Hojo had dug deeper, punishing him for his mixing his personal life with 'lesser beings'. Sephiroth still wasn't certain if the man meant the other SOLDIERS, the Turks, or the princess and Ancient he orbited.
Sophie had tugged his clothing off, no trace of a blushing young woman, no flicker of finding the blood gross. She had dumped him into his tub, after helping him stand and stumble into the bath, and rinsed him over, forcing water on him to drink, gentle fingers running through his hair long after it had been rinsed clean.
No rushing, no harsh words for him. She had always been kind, even in the beginning when he sensed her fear. Yet there was no more fear. And she'd given him his first purely non transactional experience the few times he'd been found vulnerable. The lack of expectation as she bundled him into his bed, had made him ache. She hadn't resisted when he'd tugged her into the bed as well, curling her arms around him and humming softly until he had slept.
Hojo had never cut into him again. For the fact her power didn't extend far, she easily bent Rufus to her side often, and occasionally her Father.
As for the Ancient in his life… the one who had taken the role meant to be his. Was he not a cetra? That had been the one aspect he'd consistently failed in, never able to hear the voice of the planet. Something Aerith did easily. All he had was that static if he concentrated. Sometimes, when he'd been younger, there had been blurred urges. Freedom if he went somewhere. A different path, bathed in blood not his own. If only he followed the urge.
That static was muted when he was with his friends. No worse than a fly buzzing around. With Aerith near, it seemed to become silent, as though her very presence somehow forbade the static and urges. He cherished her, as one cherished a dear friend.
Sophie finally spun away from Genesis, stalking into the dilapidated home she'd been studying. How odd. While none could claim full understanding of her working mind, there had never been an instant of her favoring breaking and entering abandoned buildings. Drinking, sure. Teasing and mocking as her normal speech pattern, of course. Her spoiled life letting her be cruel, even whole she also tried to relax the lives of others who couldn't even kindly be called 'poverty stricken'. Never had she went building hopping where Shinra didn't already have ownership.
"Fine, fine, you two caught me. Remember that surfer boy Rufus didn't want me seeing? Well, I saw him and we decided to elope. We're gonna get married, and I'm going to be a stay at home wife while he lives out his dreams of being a professional surfer!" She glanced at them over her shoulder. "Romantic, right?"
He ignored the way his fists wanted to curl, the way he controlled his lips from frowning. There had been a surfer bum in Costa Del Sol. That was truthful. However, Sophie had went on a single outing, and then declared she'd have better luck spending time with a squid.
With a blink, she'd vanished, heading into the deserted building. Genesis grumbled about how disgusting it was, even as he dipped his head through the low door and followed, Sephiroth behind with a barely restrained eye roll… really.
Sephiroth had seen Genesis covered in blood, boots sloshing through liquid entrails of monsters and humans alike. Had seen mud trailing through the ruby red of his hair, felt it cling to his own. And had dealt with the raged outcry of another ruined outfit, of germs and guts and all sorts of unsanitary conditions. Yet here his friend stood, groaning and grumbling about cobwebs. The way of the mind, he supposed.
He followed in, noting the bare settings of the one story building, ignoring the way his muscles twinned in recognition. Medical machines were very familiar to him, intimately. Deceptively one story, for he noted a set of stairs that went down. His eyes spied the double bed, a crib settled up near it.
Sophie was practically hissing now at Genesis, telling him to shut it. Sephiroth did roll his eyes at the way the two went at each other. Sophie would be waspish after being rolled into the snow, regardless of the lesson Genesis had been trying to teach.
He glanced over the walls, and ran fingers over dusty spines of books. All medically inclined. A few reports, the manila folders beckoning him.
"Sephy," Sophie called out. She'd shoved Genesis once more, before noticing his perusal, her eyes wary.
"Why did you come here?" His head tilted with curiosity.
Sophie sighed, shoulders tense. Her arms crossed, before she sighed in resignation. "Professor Gast made his home in this town; did you know that?"
While he stiffened, Genesis drew connections. "The scientist who mislabeled Jenova?"
"Yep. According to the last reports I found in Nibelheim he retired here…"
Genesis snorted. "Retired… rather delicate way to say ran away."
Sophie hummed. "Ran away with the last living full blooded Ancient."
Sephiroth shook his head, dislodging unpleasant thoughts from his mind. Dwelling on the past was useless. So to were the lingering feelings of abandonment he'd felt, when Gast had vanished from his life. There were things he knew, things he couldn't blame the man for. Hojo wasn't quiet, when he knew it could be a blade.
Sephiroth knew what had happened to the man. The revenge Hojo had felt entitled to, and the fact that afterwards Ifalna had been in his vicinity. Staring at him, always staring. Always studying him as though she knew his every secret, had intimate knowledge of what his inner core looked like. What made him tick. Like he was a bomb, and she waited for him to implode.
And he remembered the infant Aerith had once been, large curious green eyes. The way the few times he saw her, Ifalna had gripped her tighter to her frame. Protective mother. Now he knew why. She'd been aware of his monstrous traits, and had waited with baited breath for them to leak out.
Of course, that wasn't something he'd known then. All he'd known was the woman had scorned his very existence, which was an oddity. Back then, Hojo and Gast had been the only two to interact with him. And only for the purpose of experimentation in Hojo's case. Ifalna was probably the only other person who'd watched him lay on the sterilized table. Had seen his skin peeled back while Hojo cataloged every vein and blood vessel, how they operated and healed under different prods. How Gast had peered over as well, fascinated even as he talked cheerily with Sephiroth about various things.
Yet she'd bred with him. While he would never regret or have Aerith existing, he wondered at the lofty ideals of that Ancient. To judge him as a monster even from his childhood, yet had later lain down, spreading for a different kind of monster. Perhaps… perhaps Gast, Hollander, and Hojo were not to be judged monstrous. For all they did was study monsters such as himself.
The headache spiked suddenly, causing him to wince and turn away from his two friends. Suddenly so aware of the blood rushing through his veins, as his whole body ached. And that voice, so soft and sweet somehow. It came through the static occasionally, promising him things. Promising everything. Yet he knew. He knew the voice as a liar, and that monsters couldn't ever have everything.
Yet, sometimes that temptation was so overwhelming to the senses. Sickeningly sweet.
A hand gripped his arm suddenly, and the static fizzed. Blue eyes studied him without fear, only worry. Sophie shifted closer, fingers flexing as she smiled suddenly, brows drawn together.
"I'm not hiding anything. I… we need to deal with Jenova. Sooner, rather than later if possible." She glanced between him and Genesis. "I thought maybe Gast would have left something here, or maybe Ifalna herself."
"That logic is hard to argue against. Except why didn't you tell us that rather than some story about hot chocolate?" Genesis tugged one of the books out, eyes deceptively careless as he studied the pages.
She sighed. "I wasn't sure if anything would be here, and… Aerith."
"What does she have to do with any of this?" Genesis dropped the book to the floor, making Sephiroth wince.
"Gast is her father," Sephiroth announced. Sophie gaped at him, mouth hanging for a moment before she swallowed, breathing deep.
"What?" Genesis scowled. Since they'd discovered about the experiments done, Genesis had made no secret of his hatred of any scientist or person involved with the R and D department.
At the least he'd stopped hurling flames at them when they walked by. Angeal had very quickly curbed the instinct of the explosive man.
"How did you know?" Sophie withdrew from him.
Sephiroth hated touch and to be touched. Too often those touches had stung or worse, blood slipping down his skin in rivulets. His hand grasped Sophie again, and she startled slightly. After mere seconds where he contemplated if impulse had led too far, her fingers wrapped around his, tightening.
"It wasn't hard to understand." His eyes closed, recalling the night they'd arrived to the labs, Ifalna bloody and forlorn, Aerith no more than a wrapped bundle she clung to. Hojo's mad glee. "Hojo delighted in mentioning how he dealt with traitors. They appeared around when Hojo brought Gast's body in."
"Gods." Genesis cursed loudly, running hands through his hair.
Her eyes were on him, a terrible knowledge and understanding in them. The weight of knowing things, things that couldn't be spoken of. They matched in ways not many could understand.
"Let's look around." She swallowed, stepping closer to lean her forehead against him. Taking strength. Then she pulled away and he saw steel form in her eyes. "Once I make sure there isn't anything unsavory, we'll tell Aerith."
"The poor dear. This disgusting hovel may hold the last pieces of her mother." Genesis snorted. "Though I wouldn't want to know about coming from such a man's loins."
"Well you aren't her," Sophie muttered practically.
It took a few hours. Methodically they combed through the rooms, tugging out anything that seemed relevant. Papers and articles left behind in hidden compartments that Genesis and Sephiroth hunted out knowingly. Both were aware of how Shinra trained operatives, and at his core that was what Gast had been. Hojo had obviously not deemed any of it worthwhile, leaving it all.
Sophie had dug out old tapes, playing them. Sephiroth ignored the jolts to his system when he heard Gast again, and Ifalna. Some things were better left forgotten. Not that he could ever say he'd forgotten anything.
They piled the worthwhile findings on to the dining table, one corner for reports. Sophie had wandered down into the basement area, and had carted up some other things. Old dusty jewelry, a circular hand mirror. She frowned at the crack that ran through the glass, yet added it anyway. None of it was the quality she owned or wore, Sephiroth eying the emeralds that dangled from her ears, glanced at the expensive necklace that hid her status materia. He supposed it would be sentimental value that prompted her to gather it for her friend.
They combed through it all, even Genesis remaining silent about the grime, though they heard him hiss in disgust when he touched something particularly repugnant.
… There were old bloodstains on the wooden floor. Though it certainly wasn't his resting place, it had been where the end of his life had been determined. Violently and without even the chance of saving it. Hojo was valuable to the current leadership in Shinra, thus always had a very well trained and lethal guard. Lap dogs to do his bidding, and commit the sins of his desires well enough. Sephiroth had been one of them at one time.
Genesis left after a while, wanting food and to bring the others. At the words Sophie settled in a chair, requesting something warm. Both men saw the way she shivered, the broken glass not helping keep the place insulated. She would reject their coats however, even knowing cold never bothered them, and with Genesis it was a complete lack of concern. The man could keep warm frozen in ice.
There were still some blankets and bedding. Sephiroth contemplated it, but when he looked at Sophie she was glaring. He could force her, but they both knew she'd wriggle away from it the moment he became lax.
Breathing deep, he instead activated the fire materia he kept. Flame was more Genesis, the man showing an unnatural affinity for it. None could manipulate the flames like Gen. Sephiroth much preferred his ice materia and bio, the bitter bite of them nothing to his skin. Still… he launched his cast at the unused fire place, knowing the warmth would leech out the openings, yet it would be better than letting stubbornness win.
He watched the webs interlaced in it burn, smelt the dust as the flames became stronger. There was no log or wood to feed it, so he kept his cast going, focused to the one spot in the fire place. It would barely drain his mana.
Genesis returned after a while, the others in tow. Angeal and Zach set bags on the table, Genesis himself handing Sephiroth a drink, then Sophie. Her thank you was quiet, still shivering slightly but determined.
"Oh, Sophie." Aerith settled her hands on her hips. None made comment to the way she was tensed, ready to run away almost. Her eyes scanned the meager offerings of the table, swallowing. Genesis had told her then. "You're too stubborn."
The Ancient brushed her fingers over some things, eyes shining. Sephiroth wondered if she could sense her mother through those objects.
She lifted a hair clip up, holding it as though it would break. It was shaped into a butterfly, missing some of its gems, covered in dust. There was a circle there that was empty, the cast of the metal meant to be the butterfly's head. Her own hand reached back to the beginning of her braid, smile trembling. Fingers sifted through her hair until she withdrew and orb of pale green from the strands.
Sophie breathed deeply, standing up to go to her friend. Oddly, all three firsts stiffened when they saw the materia. Sephiroth glanced over, wondering if they too heard that constant static as he did. Heard the voice, and now felt the vice like grip on their very souls demanding that materia be ripped from her hands and destroyed.
He restrained himself, watching as she slipped the materia into the slot. She smiled tremulously. "For so long, this was the only thing I had left of her… of mom."
She spun to look at them all. "She told me I would know what to do with it but…" She laughed. "It doesn't do anything! I have no idea… what it does, even now."
Her breath hitched, and Zach moved forward. "Aerith…"
Her head shook, holding the pendant close to her chest. Zach halted, hand clenching into a fist. "I guess… if things had been different she'd have told me. So many secrets…"
"You were a child when she died, Aerith. It wasn't necessarily secret keeping," Angeal said it kindly. "She loved you. She was just protecting you."
"I know that." Aerith sighed. "I miss her. I wish… I'd have been old enough. Old enough to carry some of the burden."
Genesis stepped forward, but still stayed a respectful distance. "Infinite in mystery is the gift of the Goddess. We seek it thus, and take to the sky."
Aerith glanced at him. He graciously ignored her tears. "You do share the burden. You share all of our burdens, so strong. Allow us to share yours."
"At this point I'd say our burdens are one and the same anyway." Angeal sighed, his hands digging bowls of still steaming stew from the bags they'd brought. "We'll need strength. There's a lot to go through."
"You're right. How can I worry when I have so many precious ones?" Aerith chuckled, wiping her eyes. She reached out and patted Sephiroth on the arm, and suddenly the headache, the static, the voice… it screeched once more, before falling blessedly silent.
He blinked in confusion. He watched as she gestured to Genesis, and he graciously accepted how she pat at his cheek. When Angeal handed her a bowl, she intentionally brushed his fingers. Watching so close he saw that held tension drain from their bodies, the way their faces lightened up. He imagined his must have altered as well. He would need to ask them about Jenova, if they had the same connection, he sensed growing.
Sophie shuffled forward, taking the hair clip from Aerith. She studied it solemnly. "One and the same, huh?"
They shared a look between them, and they could all see the truth. Both of them were worried, and nothing would change that. Sophie huffed though, settling the clip into Aeriths hair, smiling slightly.
"It suits you. We'll have it repaired when we go to another town. Unless one of the guys wants to see about someone repairing it here. I'm not going anywhere extra in this place."
"I'll do it! I'll find the best jeweler in this town!" Zach volunteered.
"Thanks, Zach." Aerith wiped her eyes. "I want it to be really nice."
"You got it!"
Angeal cleared his throat. "Let's eat, then we can get all this back to our rooms."
They all agreed, tugging various chairs from corners to the table. They all pointedly ignored the way those tapes played in the background, Gast's voice echoing with details he'd gleaned, how sometimes Ifalna could be heard. They would watch and listen to them all in detail. For now, they tried to enjoy the stew.