Chapter: 46: Helga's Nanny
Tell me, who in the right mind needs a nanny, when they're already more independent than half their family? Not to mention I TAUGHT myself to be that way.
Anyway, Miriam got stuck doing Community Service, so Bob takes that as his opportunity to announce he's hired a nanny to watch after me.
Did Miriam ever watch after me? Did SHE ever cook? Did SHE ever do housework? Why the heck does he suddenly decide to care about that now. He certainly never cared about my whereabouts before.
Well, this 'Inga' character decides that just because she's all fancy and has perfect manners 'I' have to be that way too. What was she shooting for? Mother of the year?
Like being ordered around to do housework and homework when I wasn't in the mood wasn't bad enough, she decided to make me 'An EXACT replica' of herself!
The only positive in all that, was the compliment I received from Arnold at school…
"Wow Helga! You've got flowers in your hair!"
"Yeah, you wanna make something of it?!"
"No? I was just thinking you looked kind of nice."
After smacking myself out of my daze, I went back to realizing how lame 'I' felt I looked. Was dressing me that way for school enough to satisfy the woman? Ummm what to you think?
The psycho decided to follow me to baseball practice. I even stayed in that crazy get up to avoid seeing her at the house!
When the guys saw her, they all dropped their jaws. Oh brother.
"You can play with your little friends later."
I had to think of a way to get rid of her. Unfortunate, Bob's excessive love for her cooking wasn't helping. Miriam wasn't even doing any work where she was sent. I have no idea why they kept her?
Pttss… where was Olga when I needed her?
She was never going to do anything to upset the family on her own. I was going to have to think outside the box!
"This is perfect! Dad's lucky belt with the diamond buckle!"
After easily getting my hand's on Bob's treasured sales item, all I had to do was set Inga up. That was easy enough, seeing as how he let someone even more perfect than Olga have her own room in our house.
Even if it was only for a week, I had to get rid of that control freak!
Sure, cooking and cleaning is a nice thing to do, but I make straight A's in school. I don't need her help with a social life. I've found ways to 'unload' my emotions. Why is that any of her business anyway? Not that they're parents of the year, but shouldn't it be up to Bob and Miriam if I want a stand in mother?
The next morning, Bob was flipping out for not having found his belt to go with his crown and robe.
"I have a sale today! I need that belt, Miriam!"
"Gee dad. Your belt's never gone missing before? Not since 'Inga' moved in."
"What are you getting at?"
"You said you looked everywhere. Did you look in Inga's room?"
Moments later, he found the belt, and I had my old life back. Well, there may have been one flaw…
I saw Ms. Perfect cold and jobless in the park, after a similar dream I'd had. Without it being necessary, I broke down to tell her what had happened.
"We both know Helga. You put it there to make trouble for me."
"I had to do something! You were ruining my life!"
"You're such an angry girl Helga, and you won't let anyone help you."
After thinking that had to be it, it was a problem I couldn't solve. I one day received a postcard saying how happy she was to be back in her old country.
While things may still stink around here, it cleared my conscience.