Flagg1991 was walking down the mean streets of a major American city on a fine July day. He sidestepped piles of human shit, chuckled at groups of people carrying carts of stolen shit from stores, and ignored homeless people sticking needles in their arms because seriously, fuck the homeless. Up ahead, a scranny cracked out hooker with short hair and an emaciated body stood on the corner in fishnets and knee high boots. She was pale, sickly, and looked to be about a thousand years old.
Flagg sneered in disgust.
When he went to pass her, she turned to him. "Hey, sweetie," she said in a rusty smoker's voice, "I gotta make rent. Wanna raw dog me in the alley? Five bucks."
"Fuck no," Flagg said. He turned to stare at the woman in judgment and condemnation…
…then his eyes widened behind his sunglasses. He flipped them down and gawked in shock. "TheBodaciousE? Is that you?"
He saw a faint flicker of recognition in the hooker's eyes. "I haven't heard that name in years."
Flagg couldn't believe this. E was once one of Flagg's best friends…then he dropped off the face of the earth without so much as a goodbye. Now, here he was again.
"Bro, what the fuck happened to you?" Flagg asked.
"It's been a rough couple of years," E coughed. "My man kicked me out, I got hooked on crack, and I started voting Democrat."
Flagg was disgusted…by the Democrat part. "Ew, what the fuck? Who did this to you?"
"No one," E said quickly, looking afraid, "look, I gotta go, I -"
Before E could finish, a voice cut him off. "There go that bitch."
E's face went white and Flagg looked up to see a man in a purple velvet suit and floppy purple pimp hat strut up, a cane in one hand and rings on the other. "I know you got my money today, bitch."
"I-I got some of it, Big Daddy," E stuttered in fear. He took a wad of money from his bra and handed it to Big Daddy.
Big Daddy counted it. "Bitch, fiddy bucks? You trippin. I know you got more than that."
"No, Big Daddy, I swear."
Big Daddy's face darkened. His hand started to glow purple with pure respect and E quivered like a bitch.
Before Big Daddy could smack a ho, Flagg stepped in. "Leave my friend alone," he said.
"Nigga, you best step aside," Big Daddy said.
Flagg began to glow with his own respect, an all over light that blinded the pimp and sent him running for his life. Flagg put his arm around E's shoulder. "Come on, E," Flagg said, "I'm gonna get you cleaned up and…"
Flagg thought of his bank account.
It was low.
Very low.
"Actually," Flagg said and patted E's butt, "you see that guy over there? He looks like he could use a blowjob…"
And that's how TheBodaciousE went from Flagg's friend to Flagg's bitch.