"How'd the week go?" Annabeth asked Percy, waving as she got close. He walked right up to her, hugged her, and buried his face in her shoulder. "That bad, huh?"

"I've been working with Mom all week," Percy said into Annabeth's shoulder, muffled and whining.

"You love your mom," Annabeth pointed out, confused. She steered him over to the creek and sat down, and he dropped down with a grunt to settle half in her lap, arms and head cradled there.

"Yeah," Percy sighed, closing his eyes. "But apparently abuse fucks up just, so much. Everything. There is nothing it does not fuck up."

"Not for you," Grover said ruefully, reaching over to ruffle Percy's hair. "Hell, Percy, I'm so sorry that I told you to be grateful for that guy."

Percy grunted again. "It's okay. All you knew about him then was that he was a dick. And it's not like you were wrong." He rolled over, reluctantly turning his face up to look at his friends. "Anyway, Raine used a bunch of psychobabble words, but basically she thinks that it'll help a lot if I stop getting mad at myself every time I slightly inconvenience my mom."

Annabeth flicked his cheek, giving him a fond smile. "She's right, you know."

"She usually is," Percy sighed.

Annabeth and Grover were still visiting every week, though Thalia had had to take off with the Hunters and resorted to occasional IMs. He was glad his friends didn't seem to mind that he talked about almost nothing but how therapy was going for at least the first hour of every visit – he figured it was kind of an occupational hazard of being in therapy 24/7 for the last month.

"And how's the shoulder devil?" Annabeth asked, tapping his temple. He batted her hand away and smiled at her, just a little love-dumb.

"Never shows its face when Mom's around," he said wistfully. "Nights have really sucked this week though."

"...Does it when I'm with you?" Annabeth asked, suddenly tight.

"Hey." Percy pushed himself upright to meet her eyes. "It's not your fault I have the self-esteem of a half-eaten hamburger, or that I've apparently got more baggage than a luggage train. Fighting with friends, it's, uh, it's a trigger, it freaks me out. No big deal."

"Tell me if it happens," Annabeth demanded. "Even if we're fighting."

Percy frowned at her. "What? No, it's not like I'm gonna kill myself on the spot. Seriously, it's better if we just finish the fight and get to the other side fast. It's not like we're gonna stop being mad because I have a stupid broken brain."

"But we can slow down," Annabeth said intensely, pressing her fingers to his. "You wouldn't hurt me and I'm not going to hurt you. I'll be damned in the Fields if I can't put my pride aside long enough to help."

Percy blinked at her, taken off-guard, and then he softened.

"You know I swore off romance when I was a kid?" he asked randomly, knowing she'd make the connection, and leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek. "Gods, I love you."

"I was just starting to wonder if you two were done being gross too," Grover cut in, when they'd been pressed together for a suitable amount of time. They leaned apart, and Percy stuck his tongue out at Grover. Grover snickered at him. "You should feel how gooey he is right now, Annabeth, it's ridiculous."

"Toeing the line, goat boy," Annabeth said, but she was smiling.

"Hoofing," Percy corrected with a grin, and Annabeth bumped him while Grover rolled his eyes. "What do you want me to say, anyway? Seems dumb to interrupt a fight with like, 'hey I want to die again.'"

"Anything," Annabeth said firmly. "Even just 'shoulder devil' if you want."

"Me too," Grover added. "And anyone else you want to tell. It could be like, a code word. 'Hey I need emergency affection.'"

Percy smiled against Annabeth's shoulder. He had the best friends. "Alright. I'll think about it." Pause. "Thanks."

"Are you kidding?" Grover said, looking over to grin at him. "I dunno if you realize how reserved you are, Percy." At his look, Grover elaborated, "I'm not saying you're not a complete social butterfly, but you just don't tell anyone what you're thinking, ever. It's cool that you've been so open lately."

Percy flushed, flustered, but smiled at Grover. "I didn't notice that. I'll try and do better from now on, I guess."

"You'll do fine," Annabeth said. "How did meeting the new kids go?"

Percy brightened. Kieran had left just the day before, now a lot more confident in whatever space he occupied, and two new girls had joined, one two days after the other. "We'll see. Eliza's dead quiet, she only speaks when spoken to and sometimes not even then, but she's been participating alright. Likes hand signals. And Kylie is pretty bubbly, I think she'll be a good influence on everyone. I'll miss hanging out with Kieran though."

"You're such a mom friend," Grover said with amusement, not bothering to hide the fondness in his expression. "He hasn't needed your help for a couple weeks, has he?"

"Not really," Percy admitted. "But he's cool. We played a couple pickup games in the yard. He said he hasn't been able to play basketball in years."

Grover smiled at him, but after a moment it faded into a worried frown. "What's on your mind?"

Percy smiled sheepishly as Annabeth turned to frown at him.

"Me and Mom are done with family therapy for now," he explained. "And, uh, Raine wanted to focus on trauma therapy next week. I'm going to have so many nightmares. Like, so many nightmares that I wanted to make sure you knew-" He nodded at Grover. "Because at least some of them are probably gonna become your nightmares."

Grover winced. "Oh, that's gonna suck."

"Sorry," Percy said.

"For you, Percy," Grover said, exasperated. "Let me know if you think you're gonna have an especially bad night, okay? I can reach out and try to make sure you're not alone." Percy ducked his head. "Oh- do you not want my help?"

Grover was trying to hide the hurt, but the empathy bond made it hard. Percy grunted irritably.

"I don't know," he admitted. "I'll remember that you offered, but I don't really want you to see me like that. I mean, it's gonna be messy, and raw, and mixed together in weird ways – I mean, I know what my nightmares are like." He shrugged. "I'll ask if I really need support, but it's going to be such garbage."

"I never knew that therapy sucked this much," Annabeth said dryly, and Percy managed a laugh.

"I know, right? It is helping though. Like there's something in my chest that keeps loosening every time we cover another issue."

"Dad's been trying to talk me into it for the two of us," Annabeth said, without looking directly at him. Percy winced.

"Oh, ouch," he said sympathetically. There was a beat of silence.

"...What do you think of the idea?" Annabeth asked, a little embarrassed and a little annoyed. Percy made a sound of surprise.

"Oh, sorry- I mean, I think it'd help. I met your dad, you remember? He really does love you a lot, and your stepmother was worried too, when we said we were there about you. Taking some time for both of you to talk about what happened when you were little would probably help you understand each other better."

"I know what was happening when I was little," Annabeth snapped.

"You know what was happening to you," Percy said, and cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Uh- a lot of the stuff me and Mom talked about was like. Why she did certain things, or stuff I was too young to notice. I, um." He squirmed, grimacing. "I got to ask her why she stayed with Gabe, even though she knew what he was doing. And knowing made me feel better." He shrugged. "I bet you have things you want to ask your dad too, right?"

"I'm dreading it already," Annabeth sighed. "Thanks, Seaweed Brain. We might not be ready for that yet, but... at some point."

Monday, Percy walked into the group room to find it dimmed, with dozens of candles in little brass holders set out on a large table, and smaller, low tables set around the edges of the room. Percy had never even seen a table in here before, and he gave Cassia an inquisitive look, along with most of the other patients.

Cassia smiled, leaning against the back wall.

"Today is more about catharsis than anything," she explained. "There won't be much discussion. But let's get through warm-ups first. Jet, you start."

Percy listened with half an ear and let his eyes linger on the candles. He had a bad feeling he knew what they were for, and he wondered if there were enough for him and everyone else.

"One good thing is that I talked to my girlfriend this morning," he heard himself say, still fixated on the table. "One bad thing is that I didn't understand today's CBT exercise."

"You should speak to Raine about that," Cassia said kindly, and then turned to the room. "Okay, everyone, thank you for sharing. I want to give all of you as much time as you need, so we'll get to business. Today's activity is about grief." The silence was almost stifling, and she softened. "A lot of the time, when we lose someone we love, it's under chaotic circumstances, or is followed by them. That can make it hard to grieve them then. This exercise, hopefully, will give you a chance to begin to process that grief on your own." She gestured at the table full of candles. "Each of you can grab as few or as many candles as you want. Light each of them for someone you loved and lost, and say a few sentences. Take some time to remember that person. Please be quiet, to remain respectful of your peers."

Percy hung back, letting the others grab their candles. Jet grabbed two and walked away, and Rose took one. Alfie, three. Eliza, three, Kylie, two. Percy tried to count how many he wanted to take and quickly lost track.

"Percy?" Cassia questioned softly. "Is something wrong?"

Percy shook his head without looking at her. "No. Just... letting the others go first."

Finally, when the others were absorbed in their own quiet mourning ceremonies, Percy padded forward and scooped up at least half a dozen with careful fingers, letting the candlesticks slide between them. He refused to look at anyone, put them on one of the side tables, and returned for a lighter.

Then he knelt beside the table and started, pulling the first candle close and pressing the lighter to the wick.

"For Bianca di Angelo," he said at last. The candle lit, and he pulled away the flame. "Who loved her brother more than life itself. I'm sorry that you had so little time to live."

He pushed it to a corner of the table, then pulled the next close to him and flicked his lighter.

"For Zoë Nightshade," he murmured, "whose devotion could have moved mountains. You're so much more than your family could ever know."

Push. Pull. Flick.

"For the great god Pan," he said, "the lord of a wild we will never know again. I'm sorry that humans ruined it beyond repair."

Push. Pull. Flick.

"For Daedalus, whose work endured all the way to now. I hope you're happy in the Underworld."

Push. Pull. Flick.

"For Castor, honorary member of the Demeter cabin, because he loved plants as much as they did. I hope you know your father loved you."

Push. Pull. Flick. He was surprised when his voice came out hoarse, but he didn't let it distract him.

"For Charles Beckendorf, one of the bravest and kindest men I've ever known. I'm sorry that I couldn't take you with me."

Push. Pull. Flick.

"For Silena-" Percy's voice cracked, and the lighter fell as he dropped his hand to lean heavily against the table. His cheeks were soaked, and tears dripped onto the table. His shoulders shook with the effort of keeping himself quiet.

Gods. That was seven candles already, and he wasn't anywhere near done. There were so many names. So many people had died. And for what?

"Cassia," Elliot said, just loud enough to carry. "Percy needs help."

"Thank you, Elliot," Cassia murmured, and her footsteps approached him, giving him plenty of warning before she put a steady hand on his shoulder. "Let it out, Percy. You deserve to grieve. Do you need help finishing?"

Percy shook his head, still spasming with silent sobs. He let them take him for a couple minutes, choking on whimpers long after the others had finished and quietly left, and Cassia stayed close, rubbing his shoulder with soothing sounds.

Finally, he picked the lighter back up in one shaky hand.

"For Silena Beauregard," he managed at last, "whose love and compassion could even tame Clarisse. I'm sorry that no one helped you before it was too late."

Push. Pull. Flick.

"For Michael Yew, who taught all the new Apollo campers how to shoot their first bow. Your brother misses you every time he takes your place."

Push. Pull. Flick.

"For Leneus, who did the right thing in the end. Dionysus was proud of you."

Push. Pull. Flick.

"For Ethan Nakamura, who wanted nothing more than for everyone to be treated fairly. I hope I kept my promise to you."

Push. Pull. Flick.

He had to go back for more candles, and stop to cry again, but finally he was on his last, and he hesitated for only a moment before lighting it.

"For Luke Castellan," he murmured, "who didn't deserve any of the shit life gave him. I'll never forgive you, but you died a hero."

He pushed it to the end of the line and dropped the lighter. There were over a dozen candles lined up in front of him, and just looking at them made him fold again, a soft keen pulling itself from his mouth. He was glad the others had left, because he didn't think he'd be able to stay quiet this time.

"It's alright," Cassia said, quiet and calm. "Let it out. Take all the time you need."

Percy set his arms on the table, leaned against it, and cried.

"I can't figure out why this one bothers me so much," warned Percy, plopping down into his seat. He showed her the picture, just a parody of a slot machine with three lotus icons. "Have you ever been to Vegas?"

Raine's mouth twitched. "Not yet, no."

"If you see something called the Lotus Hotel and Casino, stay far, far away from it," Percy told her. "Don't even poke your head inside. Don't even look at it. That thing scares me more than any monster."

Raine's brow creased, and she gestured for Percy to go on.

Percy fidgeted with the paper, then put it onto Raine's desk, grabbed Riptide, and straddled his chair instead, rocking lightly in place.

"So this happened during my first quest, while we were on our way west," Percy explained. "Me, Annabeth, and Grover. We'd hitched a ride with some animal smugglers and then, uh, released the animals in the middle of Vegas, 'cause they were being mistreated." He gave Raine a sheepish smile, pleased to see a fond look flash across her face. "But we weren't sure how to get from Vegas to LA, and while we were walking around figuring out where to go, we found the Lotus Hotel."

Percy took a breath and spun Riptide around his fingers, focusing on the movement and the smooth plastic. He drummed his heels on the floor.

"We went in- I think we were curious, or maybe we were trying to regroup," Percy said. He shrugged. "I don't really remember. And the bellhop, he ushers us in, gives all three of us free casino cards, and sends us to a room, and we were exhausted, so we went with it." Fidget and twirl. "Anywhere else and we'd probably have passed out right away, but the games downstairs looked amazing, so we showered and then went back down and split up to play for a while. Just for a couple of hours." He took a deep breath and managed another shrug, stomach twisting to the point of nausea. "Eventually I realized something was wrong, and we left. We'd been in there for about a week."

Shock flashed across Raine's face, lingering just long enough for Percy to catch before she wiped it away. "Okay," she said simply. "How did you feel going into the hotel?"

The guidance was a relief. Remembering the Lotus Hotel was more disorienting than Percy had expected it to be. "Exhausted," he repeated. "Like, you don't even understand. We'd been traveling for days at that point, we'd been fighting, we did a favor for Ares right before this- looking back, I'm not really surprised that we weren't up to asking questions." He shook his head sharply. "We should have, though. Monsters don't care how tired you are. We should've left the second the bellhop said that the cards never ran out of money."

"Why didn't you?" Raine asked gently. Percy exhaled.

"Too tired to look a gift horse in the mouth," he admitted. "We figured we'd shower, sleep in a real bed for a while, and then head back out. We'd been making good time on our quest, we had a week until the deadline." He twirled Riptide. "Have you ever been under a monster's spell?" Raine shook her head. "It's happened to me more than a couple times by now, and I still don't know how to explain it. Medusa did it, Circe did it, the Lotus-Eaters... you forget to worry. They're being so nice to you. Why would you argue with them?" He scowled. "I hate it. I always feel so stupid afterward."

"You said that you went to play after you showered," Raine prompted, patient as ever. Percy nodded.

"We were making good time," he repeated. "And we were twelve, we wanted a break. It had been a really stressful week, and we had infinite money in the world's coolest arcade. We figured it couldn't hurt."

"How do you feel about that now?" Raine asked.

Percy exhaled, long and frustrated. "I can't even be that mad about it," he admitted. "We didn't know where we were, not really. And the magic in that place is terrifyingly powerful. Honestly, the hotel had us as soon as we walked through the door." He shivered. "I think it scares me. Remembering that, how easy it was to walk in and stay there, it's horrifying. At least monsters can be slain. That hotel is still there."

"What happened while you were playing?" Raine prompted.

Percy shrugged. "Annabeth and Grover found their favorite games pretty quickly, but I was all over the place." He smiled wistfully. "It really was a cool place. Best waterslides I've ever been on, plenty of co-op games that you can get the hang of without thinking, good music..." He grimaced. "That's how they get you, obviously." He cleared his throat. "I, uh, I played a lot of co-op games, so I ended up talking to a lot of people. And some of them were, uh... they were weird." He swallowed. "I started noticing that some of them were using outdated slang. Groovy, radical, tubular. They didn't recognize the slang I was using. They were dressed weird."

Percy took a deep breath, bounced in place, then got up to pace, rubbing his arms in discomfort.

"Eventually I started asking people what year it was, and I got all sorts of answers. One guy would say it was 1977. Another said it was 1968. Or 1999. And none of them cared, either. Some of them couldn't even remember." He rolled his shoulders. "I started wondering how long I'd been there. And then I tried to remember why I needed to leave. I couldn't remember the details of the quest, not at first."

He turned his back to the wall and leaned against it, eyes on the ground, hand clenched around Riptide.

"I kept thinking, trying to bring up anything solid," Percy said. "It was hard, because I kept forgetting to think about it. I was still playing, you know? I'd play a couple rounds of a shooter and then think about it for a bit, play a match of air hockey and then think about it... But the thing that really scared the shit out of me- for a minute, I couldn't remember my mom's name."

"How did you feel then?" Raine prompted.

"Terrified," Percy repeated, a frightened fluttering in his chest. "But it was a good thing, honestly. I knew then that we needed to get out, now. I went to get Annabeth and Grover and basically dragged them out." He snorted. "Actually, literally dragged Grover out." He crossed his arms over his chest. "When we got out, I checked the year first, then the day. And we realized that we had about twenty-four hours to retrieve the master bolt and bring it back to New York."

Raine didn't comment right away, maybe too stricken or too unsure.

"What were you thinking when you realized that?" she asked at last. Percy sighed.

"At first I was just relieved we came out the same year we went in," he admitted. "But when we realized what we had to do... Well, I didn't have time to feel much. We had twenty-four hours to get from Las Vegas to LA, find the entrance to the Underworld, go in, talk to Hades, and get back out, all before we even started trying to get back to NYC."

"That's why you're doing the feeling now," Raine said gently. Percy blinked.

"Oh... I guess so." He thought about it for a while. "Huh... I was pissed, now that I think of it. I thought it was unfair." He scuffed the floor. "It had only been a couple of hours. How could it have cost us so much time? It felt like someone had cheated. The quest had been hard, but we were doing pretty well up until that point. And then suddenly all that work was just gone."

"And how do you feel about it now that you're looking back?" she asked.

"I'm terrified of the place," he admitted. "I didn't even realize how much it scared me until I was thinking about the quests I'd run – looking for pictures, you know. Things to heal from. But gods, if things had gone a little differently, I could still be there now. Twelve years old, taking a break from my first quest." He exhaled. "Nico and Bianca thought they were there for about two weeks. Hades put them in the Lotus in the forties. If we never left, it would've been, what, a day to now?" He grimaced. "We could've excused taking a day. We thought we had a whole week."

"What would have happened then?" Raine asked. Percy groaned, leaning back and throwing an arm across his eyes.

"Gods, I don't even know," he said miserably. "We never would've retrieved the master bolt or the helm, so the Big Three would've gotten into all-out war. I never would've gotten my mom out of the Underworld. I never would've turned sixteen, so I wouldn't have been the prophecy kid, and gods only know what would've happened instead. Hell, Annabeth would've been in there with me, so the whole 'cursed blade' thing wouldn't have played out the same either. Just a goddamn unfathomable mess."

"But what happened instead?" Raine prompted. Percy blinked, lowered his arm, and looked at her. Then he smiled, exhausted but relieved.

"We got out," he said. "And we finished our quest."

There was something cathartic about opening the trauma box and flicking through the pictures for what he was looking for, pulling out only the one he wanted and leaving the rest behind. While Raine watched, he picked out the sloppy picture of the junkyard and the giant robot and closed the box, clicking the clasp into place.

"Alright," Raine said, dropping her voice into a gentle cadence. "Tell me what I'm looking at."

"It's, uh, it's the junkyard where Bianca di Angelo died," Percy said, unable to help the way his voice roughened with grief.

"Who was Bianca?" Raine asked.

"Nico's sister," Percy said quietly. "Daughter of Hades."

Raine nodded, gesturing for him to go on.

"I only knew Bianca for about a week or so before she died," he said, staring at the picture. "But she was a really good person. Sweet. She loved her brother." He swallowed. "I promised Nico I'd keep her safe. But I didn't."

"Tell me what happened," Raine directed, still soft.

"Gods." Percy closed his eyes and took a breath before he started. "We were heading west, looking for Artemis. We needed to pass through a massive junkyard – Zoë called it the junkyard of the gods." He swallowed. "That took, uh, a while, but we almost got out. Then as soon as we stepped out of it, this stupid giant robot, Talos, woke up. And..." Percy shook his head, swallowing again, and folded his arms over his stomach. He bounced his knees. "I dunno, it was a really chaotic fight."

"It doesn't need to be perfect," Raine said. "It just needs to be what you remember."

Percy nodded jerkily. "Zoë thought I'd taken something, but we didn't really have time to argue about it. We scattered when Talos got close – gods, it was huge. Like, the size of a skyscraper. Had to be twenty stories tall." He shook his head. "Uh, it was Bianca that took something. A little Mythomagic figure, you know Mythomagic?" Raine nodded. "Nico was a big fan, and he was only missing one statue, so Bianca grabbed it for him when she saw it."

Percy fell silent for a second, staring off to one side, and didn't continue until Raine cleared her throat. Raine had a notebook out, and was writing quickly as he spoke.

"Anyway, Talos started trying to kill us, and we were having a hard time fighting back. Thalia was shocking it, and Grover used his magic to throw power lines at it, but nothing bothered it for more than a couple of seconds. But at one point it lifted its foot, and I saw that there was a maintenance hatch on its heel. And I told Bianca I was gonna go in." Percy tightened his grip on himself, fists clenching in his shirt. "And she said no. She said it was her fault that Talos was attacking, so she should do it. And I let her. Why did I let her?" Percy closed his eyes. "We got Talos to lift its foot, and she went in, and it- it stumbled right into the powerlines, got shocked, and fell apart. We never found her body."

"Thank you, Percy," Raine said softly. "Take a deep breath." Percy did. "And let it out. Twice more." Percy obeyed. "Okay. How were you feeling when you first went through the junkyard?"

"It wasn't that bad," Percy said, surrendering a slightly broken smile. "The stuff in there was so cool. An electric guitar shaped like a lyre, a bow that turned into a hairclip... It was creepy, and it was huge, but not really scary." He exhaled hard. "Toward the end, there were, uh- I thought they were just weird metal columns at first. But they were toes. We knew they were toes before we moved on. I couldn't figure out why someone would put giant metal toes in a junkyard."

"How do you feel when you think about that now?" Raine asked.

"I hate them," Percy snapped. "Stupid metal toes." He let his breath hitch and stutter for a few seconds before he elaborated. "Gods, we couldn't have known what they were. There was so much weird stuff there. And it wouldn't have helped even if we had. But gods. Gods." He rubbed his face. "We had no idea what was coming."

"You didn't," Raine agreed quietly. She glanced down at her notes, and it occurred to Percy that they must be like... cliff notes, about Bianca's death. Weird. "How did you feel when Talos woke up?"

Percy exhaled. "I was mostly shocked at first, not scared yet. This thing was huge, and it had been buried under all the junk – its toes were the only thing sticking out." He let out a stilted half-laugh. "It had 'wash me' written on its chest, like, you know, like a dirty school bus."

Raine chuckled, though it faded quickly. "You weren't scared at all?"

Percy frowned, brow furrowing in concentration. "No, not really. I mean, I sure as hell wasn't happy about it, but I was mostly focused on figuring it out. Being scared took a backseat, I guess." He shrugged. "It was a fight. I'm used to those."

Raine nodded and glanced down again. "You said that you and Zoë didn't have time to argue. Were you about to?"

"I don't like being accused of stuff I didn't do," Percy mumbled. "And normally I probably would've gotten angry about it. But Talos attacked pretty quickly, so we had to get to business."

"And you found out that Bianca had taken something," Raine prompted. "How did you feel when you realized that?"

"I was frustrated with her," Percy admitted guiltily. "I mean, a Mythomagic figure? Out of everything? There was a lot of cool stuff there, but we'd agreed not to touch anything, or take anything. We agreed that it was a bad idea, and she..." He shook his head and repeated, "A Mythomagic figure."

"How do you feel about it now?" Raine asked. Percy groaned and tried to ignore the fact that his eyes stung.

"It didn't have to happen," Percy said, voice cracking despite his best efforts. "Gods, I know she just wanted to be able to give Nico something – she'd joined the Hunters, you know, and he was upset that they were being separated. I get why she wanted to, but... but it sucks. That stupid statue cost her everything."

"Were you mad at her?" Raine asked.

"No," Percy said emphatically. "No, I was just- I mean, I was frustrated, but not mad. It was for her brother. I got it, you know? Nico was a really cute kid then. Got real excited about everything." He wiped his eyes. "He would have loved the figure. He would've been thrilled. She didn't mean to wake a crazy junkyard robot. She just wanted to make him happy."

"Of course," Raine murmured. "And then you saw the maintenance hatch. How did you feel then?"

Percy shrugged. "Excited, maybe? I don't know. Determined. It was a crazy idea, but I thought it would work. Usually- usually when I have those, they work out."

"Did it?" Raine prompted, and Percy almost snapped at her before he stopped short.

"...Yeah," he mumbled. "It was like I thought. Talos could be controlled from inside. But shit, no one was supposed to die trying. That was the point, was that no one would die." His breath hitched violently. "Grover pointed it out later, though. Someone was always going to die there."

"What makes you say that?" Raine asked.

"We were on a quest, so we got a prophecy before we left," Percy explained, voice hoarse. "Or like, the Oracle zombied out of the attic to give us a prophecy. Whatever. And one of the lines was 'one shall be lost in the land without rain.'" He pressed his hands over his eyes, willing the tears back. "The junkyard was in a desert."

"How do you feel about that?" Raine asked. Percy wanted to curse at her.

"Why did I let her go?" he said instead, without looking up. "I'd heard the prophecy, I knew that line. And she was new to questing. She didn't even know her immortal parent yet, she'd known she was a demigod for days. I was supposed to go inside. It should've been me that died in Talos."

"Why do you think it should've been you?" Raine asked. Percy swallowed hard.

"It shouldn't have been Bianca," he said. "Nico was so upset, and I'd- I'd promised to keep her safe. He asked me to promise before I left. I was supposed to keep her safe."

Raine made a note. "But Bianca did go inside. How did you feel then?"

"Fuck, I was elated," Percy said softly. "It did work, was the thing. She was controlling Talos from inside, she made it punch itself in the face and stuff. It was working, and I was thrilled, I thought we'd won. But." He covered his eyes again, leaning heavily against the table. "She, I don't know, stumbled. And I tried to warn her, I don't know if she could even hear me. Walked right into the power lines." He didn't wait for Raine to ask this time. "I was horrified. I hoped that the inside was maybe insulated, or something, but then it started falling apart. I think- I think I knew she was dead as soon as that started happening." He shook his head, ducking it to hide his eyes. "If the shock didn't kill her, the fall would've. If the fall didn't, the debris would."

"You said you didn't find her body," Raine said softly. "You looked for her?"

"For hours," Percy croaked, and his cheeks were wet now. "All night. We were searching the wreckage until sunrise. We crawled around inside that thing for ages, looking for her." His voice cracked and broke, and he wiped at his eyes roughly. "I kept thinking I'd find her crawling around inside there too, looking for a way out. But she was gone. She was gone."

"How did you feel then?"

"I was stunned," Percy admitted. "I'd- I'd never lost someone on a quest before, not really. Thought I had, once, with Tyson, but Tyson is a cyclops, he was fine. Bianca wasn't. And she was twelve. She was only twelve." He swallowed and hiccupped around a sob. "She gave me the figure, to give to Nico. I couldn't figure out what I was going to tell him. I was supposed to keep her safe."

"What did you do then?" Raine asked. Percy choked on another sob.

"We had to keep moving," he said miserably. "There, there were the skeletons, the things Luke's army had chasing us. And we had a quest to finish."

"So you did," Raine murmured, and then, more soothingly, "It's alright. You're finished. You did a wonderful job, Percy." Percy rubbed his eyes roughly. "How are you feeling now?"

"How do you think?" Percy muttered, ducking his head. "Shit. Shit. Bianca."

"It's alright," Raine soothed. "Let out everything you need to. And when you're done, we'll put the memory back in the box."

Okay, Percy mouthed, but he couldn't force it out. He was crying.

"You don't have to pick a trauma every day, if you're not ready," Raine said, when Percy went right to the trauma box again. He looked over his shoulder to blink at her, and she smiled at him. "I'm pleased that you feel confident enough to try, but I'd also like to ensure you're not pushing yourself too hard."

Percy shrugged. "Not gonna get anywhere by avoiding them." He found what he was looking for and pulled it out, shut the box, and put it back on the shelf. He turned around to show her the picture. "Mt. St. Helens. I know it's raining, but can we go outside again?"

"Of course." Raine grabbed an umbrella, and they headed outside. Percy stayed out of reach, letting the rain coat him; it soothed him, lightening his mood enough to make the conversation manageable.

"Did Letitia tell you what happened to Mt. St. Helens?" Percy asked. Raine shook her head. "I did. I happened to Mt. St. Helens."

The misery coated his voice like oil. Raine paused for a split second, then continued on, looking at him. "Tell me what happened."

Percy took a deep breath, relishing the cool, damp air and the smell of rain. Petrichor, Annabeth had told him once. "Annabeth and I were running an errand for Hephaestus, because we needed a favor from him. He'd asked us to scout out his forge at Mt. St. Helens, because there'd been weird activity there, but whatever was there always hid when he was coming."

He glanced up. Raine didn't visibly react to Percy talking about exchanging favors with a god, which was a relief- Percy wasn't sure he could deal with shock-and-awe and therapy.

"Annabeth and I split up to cover more ground," Percy continued, "and I ran into a bunch of telekhines. I almost got away, but then I took a wrong turn and got trapped with the ones that were working on Kronos' scythe – that, uh, that was the weird stuff that was happening there, I guess. And the monster puberty classes." Percy shook off the distraction, annoyed. "They threw lava at me, and I freaked out and summoned water. And- Mt. St. Helens erupted."

His voice wavered a little at the end, but he was proud of how steady he'd been for most of that. He didn't like thinking about Mt. St. Helens.

"Alright," Raine said simply, like he hadn't just confessed to causing a natural disaster. "How did you feel about doing the favor initially?"

Percy contemplated it for a moment. "It wasn't so bad. Hephaestus was a little rude, but nothing like Ares, and he was pretty up-front about everything." He shrugged. "I like Hephaestus; he's more helpful than not. Even with how this one turned out – that wasn't his fault or anything. I'd be okay with doing him another favor."

Curiosity glimmered in Raine's eyes, but she held it back. "How did you feel going in?"

Percy hummed. "Nothing was weird at first, which is why me and Annabeth split up to scout around. I accidentally walked right into a telekhine classroom, though, and had to hide in a box of scrap metal before they saw me. Ended up listening to a whole lesson about monster puberty. Gross." He made a face, and Raine coughed to hide a laugh. "To be honest, that actually distracted me from being nervous. It's really weird to hear the these changes are perfectly natural speech about growing fangs and wanting to eat people."

"And then?" Raine prompted. Percy grimaced.

"Well, then the video ended," he said wryly, "and the teacher told them to get some scrap metal to practice tinkering. You remember, the scrap metal I was hiding in? So I jumped out and scared them enough to get a head start – probably only worked 'cause they were so young." He shook his head. "But then, you know, I found the old telekhines instead, and that... didn't work out great for me."

"How did you feel then?" Raine asked.

Percy contemplated that for a moment. "I didn't get scared until I realized they'd covered the exits, and that there were too many of them for me to take down all of them before the others could get me." He rolled his shoulders, trying to hide a shudder. "Then they decided to play with me, and I got really scared." He stared ahead, not quite seeing the rainfall in front of him. "See, my dad's power makes me fire resistant. But it doesn't make me fireproof. So they decided to test my power by seeing how long it took me to burn."

He swallowed hard. He swore he could feel the burn of the lava eating into his skin.

"What happened?" Raine asked softly.

"They started throwing lava at me," Percy said, voice quiet. He reached into his pocket and grabbed Riptide, fidgeting with it. "For about a second it was just warm." He swallowed again. His throat felt dry, and he tilted his head back to let the rain fall on his face. He was coated in it. He wasn't on fire. "That didn't last long. It hurt like hell. It was awful."

"And then?"

"I stopped thinking. My clothes caught fire, I was on fire- it was almost as bad as swimming in the Styx." In. Out. Rain pattered against his cheeks. "Uh, but- a couple days before that, a river nymph taught me a trick for summoning water with petrified seashells. And she said something, then. She said, the water is within us. And so I- you know, I don't even really understand what happened? I reached inside myself and pulled as hard as I could, same as I do when controlling water from anywhere else. And it worked."

In. Out.

"And then Mt. St. Helens erupted," he said, without looking at her.

His breath caught, and then he was crying. Again.

"I didn't mean to," he said, voice cracking. "I wasn't thinking, I'm just so fucking stupid. I didn't know you shouldn't summon water in a volcano. I didn't even know I could summon water like that."

"And then what, Percy?" Raine asked, still soft. Percy swallowed, trying to force his breath to even out.

"I fell into the ocean," he croaked, "and I washed up on Ogygia. Calypso took care of me for the next two weeks while I recovered." He swallowed again and tried to take a deep breath and settle. "She was- she was really nice. Sad. She took care of me even though she knew I wouldn't stay."

Both of them were quiet for a minute, until Percy got control of his breath.

"How do you feel about the eruption, Percy?" Raine asked at last.

"Awful," he said, oddly desperate for her to understand this. "Half a million people evacuated, and that eruption nearly woke Typhon. It did wake Typhon. I didn't mean to do that. I didn't mean to make the fucking volcano erupt."

"Why do you think it's your fault?" Raine asked. Percy looked up to give her a wide-eyed, incredulous look, some of his hysteria probably showing through. She softened. "There was a cause and effect. That doesn't necessarily mean it was your fault."

Percy made a weird noise, a high-pitched vent of the unhappiness clogging his chest. "It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been there. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't fucking summoned water in an active volcano."

There were probably tears on his cheeks by now, but the rain hid them.

"Percy, why were you in Mt. St. Helens?" Raine asked. Percy gave her another look, and she just gestured for him to answer. He swallowed hard.

"Hephaestus sent us there," he answered.

"Don't you think that puts some of the fault on Hephaestus?" Raine asked. Percy stared at her, and she smiled gently. "Remind me why you summoned water."

"I was on fire," Percy said, voice wavering. But he was starting to understand what she was getting at. "The telekhines set me on fire."

"So there's you, Hephaestus, and the telekhines," Raine said. "Where do you think the most fault lies?"

Me, Percy wanted to say, but it was more out of instinct than anything. He thought about it. "I- I guess... the telekhines? I wouldn't have been there at all if they weren't there, anyway. They were what we were looking for."

There was a stilted, dawning hope in his chest.

"There you go," Raine said. Percy swallowed hard, then gave her a tearful grin.