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The Hated Male Concubine
CH 51
#51
The news about the emperor forgiving Yeonbin and putting back his nameplate was naturally heard in Jeongan Palace as well. The news made all people in Jeongan Palace excited as if the emperor would come to spend the night at Jeongan Palace right away, but Hwawoon did not give much meaning to that news. He regarded that it was only because of His Majesty's friendly nature, which could not mistreat those who made efforts for a long time.
However, apart from that, the emperor personally visited Jeongan Palace last time, and there was also this matter, so Hwawoon had to thank him. Therefore, he said that he should go to Anjeong Palace where His Majesty was staying. When Ahjin heard that, she jumped up and said that he could never go like this, so she held onto Hwawoon and dressed him up anew.
"Your Highness, how about we go now?"
Hearing Ahjin's voice, which sounded more excited, Hwawoon left his brown study and finally moved his body. As he recalled, this was his first time to visit the emperor on his own feet ever since he became Yeon Hwawoon.
What will His Majesty see of me, who suddenly came to thank him? Will he scold me for making such a fuss about this?
Hwawoon, who was heading to the palanquin, had a lot of thoughts that he didn't even know that the girls of Jeongan Palace were mesmerized by his face.
"Your Majesty, why don't you take a break for a moment. I've told the courtiers to bring in some snacks."
Hearing the word 'snacks' that was said by Eunuch Oh, Emperor Yihan, who was doing his work after having lunch at the Empress Palace and didn't even take a nap, opened his eyes wide and said,
"Snacks? Did Jeongan Palace send them?"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Well, I mean… I… I'm asking which palace sent it. Ahem khm."
Eunuch Oh was confused and lost what to say at the sound of Jeongan Palace, which popped out of nowhere, so even though Yihan added urgently later, the desolate silence could not be easily erased. After a long time, Eunuch Oh continued.
"It's not from Jeongan Palace, but made from the Imperial Kitchen, Your Majesty."
Without answering, Yihan left the desk where he was doing political affairs and murmured as he sat on a chair in the middle of the room.
"How shameless …"
"Forgive me, Your Majesty. This person didn't hear what you just said."
"I said how shameless."
Eunuch Oh was shocked as he heard the emperor's sudden words. He tried to bend his knees and ask for forgiveness for daring to act shamelessly, but Yihan quickly waved his hand and stopped Eunuch Oh.
"Not you, but Yeonbin."
"His Highness Yeonbin…?"
"Yes. Last time, he only sent snacks once and now he is being ungrateful. I'm sure by now he knows that I returned his nameplate."
As he talked more, Yihan's voice was subsiding like a child's voice who was at a loss for words because he was upset rather than angry. He seemed to have forgotten his pledge to give no meaning to each of Yeonbin's actions and not to pay attention to them anymore. Eunuch Oh then said,
"I think His Highness might think you still don't want to see him because you just walked past him last time, Your Majesty."
Actually, Eunuch Oh knew that Yeonbin wouldn't think of it even for a bit. However, for some reason, the Emperor nowadays aroused the desire to tease like a young boy. Therefore, Eunuch Oh couldn't stop his mouth from doing an irreverent act toward the Emperor.
"No way…"
When the Emperor looked confused at the remark from Eunuch Oh, a eunuch from outside strode inside and announced,
"His Highness Yeonbin came."
Eunuch Oh thought that it was a shame that he alone saw the Emperor's face, which quickly smiled when he just looked down and grumbled.
"Greetings, Your Majesty."
Yihan stared blankly at Yeonbin, who greeted him by kneeling. The white clothes with a subtle blue color matched his translucent skin so well. In addition, fortunately, his body seemed to have improved a lot, so he obviously looked more colorful than last time when he was very pale, which led Yihan unable to take his gaze off Yeonbin's face.
"Your Majesty…"
"Ah…! Khm khm. Get up."
Yihan managed to get back to his senses after Eunuch Oh's voice when he unintentionally made Yeonbin kneel for a long time. Yeonbin then raised his body with his eyes gracefully looking down. Yihan checked Yeonbin's face, wondering if he had a wrong thought of him making him kneel for long on purpose, but there was no particular emotion seen on Yeonbin's face.
Feeling a strange disappointment at that calm face, Yihan said,
"What brings you here?"
He didn't mean to talk with a firm tone. He was now convinced that using such a tone meant he was being aware of Yeonbin, so Yihan wanted to talk to Yeonbin with a normal tone as if he felt nothing.
However, the reason he let out a cold voice without realizing it was merely because he was very nervous.
The great Sung Yihan knew that it was unreasonable for the proud emperor of the great nation to feel nervous in front of a concubine. However, Yihan had no other words but was nervous to express the emotion he was feeling. Without any excuse, Yihan was feeling nervous about the sudden encounter he faced, Yeon Hwawoon, who visited him in person.
However, it seemed as though Yihan alone was the one who felt such a fragile emotion, which would break if it was touched. Yeon Hwawoon, who still had a composed face, opened his mouth with a calm voice.
"I dared to come here to express my humble gratitude for the limitless grace you showed me, Your Majesty."
Saying that, Hwawoon glanced at Ahjin behind him. Ahjin walked and handed the big food basket she was holding to Eunuch Oh. Yihan's gaze moved toward the basket in Eunuch Oh's hands. When the eunuch opened the cover, there were snacks with a savory smell and steam. Hwawoon continued,
"It's not a big deal, but it's a good time to eat snacks soon, so I hope you like it."
"You've prepared this carefully, Your Highness Yeonbin. All of this is His Majesty's favorite."
When Eunuch Oh made a comment from the side, Hwawoon lowered his head slightly as if he was shy. Hwawoon could not remember, obviously, but the snacks could be prepared thanks to Ahjin. She, as the close aide of the concubine, had already known what the emperor enjoyed eating.
Hwawoon was completely oblivious about the palace food, so he didn't prepare it himself, but all the snacks were touched by his earnest desire for the emperor to enjoy at least one of them.
Simultaneously, Hwawoon kneeled before the emperor again and said,
"Thank you very much for coming and consoling me for not taking good care of my body, and for forgiving me of my past mistakes, Your Majesty. I will never take the generosity shown by you lightly and be more vigilant and careful in the future so that I do not act rashly again."
Looking at the contents of the basket, which contained his favorite as what Eunuch Oh said, Yihan's lips twitched and his gaze quickly turned to Hwawoon. Every word directed at him was simply impeccable and neat. It was a remarkably different appearance compared to his past appearance, which was doubtful whether he knew about etiquette and the law or not.
Strangely, however, Yihan was not happy to see it. The lips, which twitched after seeing the snacks, become straight again. Why—Yihan thought. He wondered why it felt like cold water had been poured on his excited heart when there was nothing wrong with Hwawoon's attitude.
Yihan's gaze landed on Hwawoon's lashes that fluttered softly. He didn't touch it, but his palm was ticklish. After looking at Hwawoon's expression, which didn't sway even for once, Yihan realized where the strange displeasure he felt earlier came from.
Yihan didn't want Yeon Hwawoon to return to his past self. He didn't want to see Yeon Hwawoon, who always put a facade in front of him, lied, and acted to him with tears and evil every time.
However, Yeon Hwawoon in front of him now; Yeon Hwawoon, who changed his way of speaking, acting, and dressing, all of him—even making his face look like an unfamiliar person—was overly calm to him. Even the polite attitude he showed didn't look like the attitude of a concubine but of the ministers or military officers.
As if there were no personal feelings left; like someone who didn't expect anything else from Yihan anymore.
It strangely gnawed at Yihan's heart, and Yihan soon said,
"I didn't do it for you. I only did it in consideration of your father's face."
Listening to that, Eunuch Oh immediately looked at Yihan with a surprised gaze. Eunuch Oh, who could guess the emperor's movement far ahead of anyone else, never knew that the emperor would say that among the many other remarks he could choose.
52
Even Yihan was surprised after saying that. At that moment, Yihan really wanted to grab himself by the collar. He really had no idea why everything didn't work as he wished when he was in front of Yeon Hwawoon. He only felt upset without knowing it. He strangely didn't like how Hwawoon acted like he had nothing to do with what the emperor said or did.
If the love shouted by the past Yeon Hwawoon couldn't reach Yihan as love, all the emotions shown by the current Yeon Hwawoon looked like none of them was love.
Even so, he didn't mean to say that. There was no need to say that to someone, who came to express his gratitude and even prepared snacks.
"It's not that I've changed, just that I've become a different person. Then, how will you… treat me, Your Majesty…?"
Yihan suddenly recalled the question Hwawoon asked him last time, then he bit his lips unconsciously. An unfamiliar apprehension came over him. It seemed as though Yeon Hwawoon, who didn't change but became another person, had no feeling—whatever kind of feeling it was—for him. He knew that was possible. He knew better than anyone else that the emperor's position wasn't to be swayed by romantic feelings. However, strangely, that attitude of Yeon Hwawoon pierced hurt somewhere in his heart.
While Yihan couldn't say anything more, Hwawoon said in front of him.
"… I also know that well, Your Majesty."
As Hwawoon's voice trembled, Yihan felt as if his heart also dropped. He felt like shouting because it seemed like someone put a fireball inside his throat, burning his inside. When the one, who looked calm no matter what he said, suddenly turned pale and had his voice trembling, Yihan felt like his mind got distracted completely.
However, actually, Hwawoon's voice trembled not simply because of that. Hwawoon thought the words the emperor gave him were right, so there was no reason for him to get hurt. However, what shook Hwawoon was that the emperor brought up Yeon Hwawoon's father.
The problems, which he had left the door closed so that he wouldn't think deeply, since nothing he could do about them right away, flowed into his mind like the opened floodgates.
Yeon Hwawoon's family. The very family that loved Yeon Hwawoon the most no matter how bad of a son he was. The moment he was reminded of those, who didn't even know about their only son's death, Hwawoon suddenly felt like he was surrounded by cold water.
Without a moment to escape, the rushing water filled Hwawoon's mouth and blocked his nose. The coldness, which seemed to freeze to the bones, filled his lungs and he couldn't breathe. He felt that he was not breathing properly, but he did not know how to breathe. His body collapsed and someone firmly caught him.
"… Yeon Hwawoon! Look at me!"
A thunderous voice slowly broke through the icy barrier, which was surrounding Hwawoon. A fiery touch wrapped around Hwawoon's cheek and hugged his back to share warmth. The living warmth, born like the sun and burned like flames, pulled Hwawoon's temperature that was falling down. When Hwawoon's eyes, which dimmed, found back the light, the first thing that came into his eyes was the emperor, Yihan, who had embraced him and talked with a desperate voice.
"Follow me and take a breath! It's okay. It will be okay. I'm here."
Hwawoon's hands, which were shaking due to the pain, grabbed the emperor's clothes. It was a very weak movement without any force, but Yihan could feel the desperation in those hands.
As if longing for life; like a drowning man asking for help to live. Yeon Hwawoon was holding himself so desperately.
"Your Majesty…"
Hwawoon, who had barely managed to breathe out, called out to the emperor in a low voice like blown candlelight. It was a calling that was close to the feeling of finding a ray of light. The face that gave Hawoon the meaning of life on that day. Hwawoon was instinctively looking for the voice that had dispelled his nightmares when he was suffering from guilt.
Covering Hwawoon's hand with his big hand, Yihan replied.
"I… I'm here next to you…"
As soon as he heard that, tears came out of Hwawoon's eyes.
I've been hoping to stay next to him for a long time.
He felt sad because the distance got closer only after the two lives were erased from the world in different forms, feeling heartbroken about it; not knowing if he was really allowed to enjoy this.
Yihan, whose eyes were shaking at Hwawoon's tears, quickly pulled him into his arms and caressed his back. Eventually, Hwawoon, who was holding on by biting his lip, burst into tears in the emperor's arms.
"Is your master still not feeling well?!"
Yihan, who was holding Hwawoon in his arms, raised his voice to Ahjin, who was also surprised and turned pale behind him. Only then, Ahjin, who had come to her senses, hurriedly kneeled down and bowed her head.
"E-everything is this servant's fault! The little human couldn't serve His Highness properly. Please punish me!"
"Your Majesty, no. That's not it."
Hwawoon, who had been trying to mute his voice until then, was surprised when he heard Ahjin's voice. He then hurriedly pushed Yihan's chest with his arms and raised his head. When he burst into tears, he didn't realize it, but when he came to his senses, he realized that he was acting so helplessly in front of the Emperor and he felt like his blood was cooling down in an instant.
How did I become so weak? Why am I engrossed in self-pity when I received things more than I deserved, and now even acting this shameless in front of His Majesty? He was ashamed of his shameless behavior.
Hwawoon hurriedly wiped his tears-drenched face with his sleeve, then tried to step back from the emperor's arms. He cleared his voice that was close to hiccuping and opened his mouth.
"Ahjin did nothing wrong. I suddenly… so, I just suddenly…"
However, thoughts did not flow calmly in his head once he panicked, so Hwawoon stuttered without explaining the reason why he suddenly had a seizure. No matter how hard he thought about it, he couldn't think of any reason to justify his getting so emotional when he heard about his father.
However, Yihan was not actually listening to what Hwawoon explained. Yihan was just looking at Hwawoon's face. Eyes that were red from tears and wet cheeks. Actions such as shrugging his shoulders as he kept getting out of breath while crying and then biting his lip to hold it back. As if possessed, Yihan forgot his dignity and sat with one knee on the floor.
This was not his first time seeing Yeon Hwawoon's crying face. There was more to it. If Yihan was to pick Yeon Hwawoon's expression, which he probably saw the most, he could pick two scenes where he did evil things and cried. In other words, Yeon Hwawoon's crying was nothing special to Yihan anymore.
Nevertheless, his face today—the face of Hwawoon crying at him today—was leaving a trace on Yihan's heart with a very different feeling than before.
"Your Majesty…"
Eunuch Oh, who had approached, carefully supported the emperor. He had no time to stop the majesty emperor from sitting with his knee on the floor because Yihan moved so suddenly. However, Yihan pushed Eunuch Oh's hand away. He gently wrapped Hwawoon, who was still at a loss in front of his eyes, carefully raising him up, and said,
"Enough. I won't blame Ahjin, so calm down."
Hwawoon, who was stuttering to say something, stopped talking and looked up at Yihan. In the eyes of the emperor who drew closer, there was a clear feeling of concern that could not be denied by any means. Hwawoon stared blankly at those eyes as if possessed, and when he tried to blink once, a drop of tears ran down his cheek.
Yihan's fingers flinched at once. This was because the sensation he felt when he secretly touched the sleeping Hwawoon's cheek that day suddenly revived. Therefore, Yihan clenched his fists so that no feelings in them could flow out, and said,
"Should I call the doctor for you?"
"It's fine, Your Majesty. I'm really fine now. I… made a fool of myself in front of you again, Your Majesty."
As he said so, Hwawoon raised himself completely, and once again pushed out the emperor's arms, took a step back, and stood alone. Yihan felt more empty at the sense of his skinny body escaping from himself, but he didn't want to continue holding him, so he gently relaxed his arms and let go of Hwawoon.
Perhaps he actually let go of Hwawoon because he wanted to keep hugging him. The feeling of not wanting to let someone out of his arms was a very unfamiliar sensation to the emperor.
"… It seems you haven't recovered yet. Go back now and take a rest."
"Yes, Your Majesty. I'll… take my leave…"
No words could be exchanged more between Yihan, who had a lot to ask but couldn't ask anything, and Hwawoon, who had a lot to say but couldn't say anything. Hence, Hwawoon could only give his greeting and go back, and the emperor couldn't catch him even though he was heartbroken by that back walking away.
Suddenly, Hwawoon moving away from him seemed to fade like fog, so Yihan did not know how to move from where he stood until Hwawoon's figure became very invisible.
When the royal family brought in my wife candidates who could be the future empress… Mother showed the women to me one by one."
Late at night, Yihan, who was drinking alone in his chamber, suddenly opened his mouth and spoke. Eunuch Oh, who was quietly watching him from the side as the emperor's expression couldn't be guessed, only bowed deep without giving any reply. Eunuch Oh easily knew that what the emperor wanted was someone to hear him out and forget what he said.
"As she introduced me one by one, Mother thoroughly checked my expressions as I looked at them. How long I look at their faces; if I perhaps smile while looking at their faces, if my eyes shake, if I make a face full of expectation."
"…"
"Back then, I didn't know the reason for that. I only thought that Mother's gaze, looking at my face with a terrifically sharp gaze, was unfamiliar and scary."
His mother didn't only check on her son's expression. She also sharply checked the expression of those who could be her future daughter-in-law and might be the only empress later. If they blushed. If they made a cunning expression, trying to get her son's heart.
If they were wicked girls trying to snatch away her son from her. She tried to judge that.
"She must have been uneasy. Father's love had been long poured to his concubine, so she worried if her last shield for her authority, her son, got lured by other women and neglected his mother. Therefore, the current empress, who was the quietest, simple, and hardly showed her emotion, was chosen to enter the imperial family at that time."
"I see…"
"Do you think I thought my mother was cruel?"
The emperor asked while playing with the glass full of liquor. Eunuch Oh only listened to him as this time too, the emperor, who didn't raise his gaze, didn't want any answer. The emperor lightly shook his head, and said,
"No. I didn't. I understood my mother. I also thought she did well. Mother had to protect herself because the concubine, who had Father's love on her back, rose to the noble concubine position not long after and dared to oppress the empress's authority by leading the internal court."
"…"
"Father was the one I couldn't understand instead."
At that, Eunuch Oh carefully looked around. Everyone had been sent back from the moment the emperor began to drink alone, but he had to be more vigilant just in case. No one should know the inside of the emperor.
"Isn't the emperor in a position where he has to take care of everyone without being swayed by any emotions? He could have his favorite concubine, but how could he let that concubine oppress the empress using the emperor's love and plan to harm the crown prince?"
"Your Majesty…"
"If my father didn't give such excessive love to them, then how could she dare to push her son and try to get rid of me?"
"This person doesn't dare to hear the story of the wicked people, Your Majesty…"
Eunuch Oh, who couldn't continue to hear the words said by the emperor, quickly kneeled and bowed his head. Despite Eunuch Oh's attitude, Yihan brought a glass of liquor to his mouth once again.
"… The emperor's lover? How absurd."
The deepened pupils were full of moonlight that shone over Jeongan Palace. In fact, for a very long time, Yihan had disliked Jeongan Palace, the evidence of the emperor's deep affection.
"The emperor has the empress, and he may also have concubines. He also may adore some of them a little bit more."
It was fortunate that the owner of Jeongan Palace was very sickly and departed his life early. If he was healthy, or if he desired authority, could the emperor's love for that male concubine be portrayed like a beautiful tale until now? Could it have been possible to remain as such a heartbreaking story without a single drop of blood?
"But romantic feelings…? That is nonsense."
Yihan filled his glass with liquor again and shook his head. He couldn't know why he was reminded of Hwawoon's face looking at him with moist eyes, but he thought it meant nothing. It should mean nothing.
The emperor's night continued on with his old scars exposed. It was such a night that no one would know when the sun rose.
"Unnie, what are you doing here?"
Seoseo, who was about to return after walking around the garden once, saw Ahjin sitting absentmindedly on the garden's corner and quickly approached her. She knew that His Highness had gone to sleep earlier after coming back from Anjeong Palace while looking pale. Therefore, she felt it was curious that Ahjin was here instead of guarding the bedroom.
However, Ahjin, who looked up and checked Seoseo's face once, just sighed and curled up again to look at the ground without giving any reply. Seoseo, who also had a serious face, immediately sat next to Ahjin and talked again.
"What's wrong? Is this because His Highness is sick again?"
"Well, that too…"
"Did His Majesty… do something to His Highness again…?"
Seoseo lowered her voice and asked carefully. After His Highness went to Anjeong Palace, he didn't seem to have any energy at all, so the girls were quite worried that His Majesty might have made him sick again. However, Ahjin shook her head at Seoseo's question.
"He didn't."
"Then why is His Highness in low spirit, and why do you look lifeless?"
Seoseo's voice got a bit higher. She was sure something happened, but because Ahjin told her nothing, she felt frustrated inside.
Of course, Seoseo knew that she was still young and could not be trusted because she had no experience, but all the courtiers in Jeongan Palace were of similar age to her anyway except for Ahjin. Seoseo, who had a strong will to grow up diligently from now on and become His Highness's hands with Ahjin, stared at Ahjin with an attitude that she would never back down.
In the end, Ahjin, who was frustrated and needed someone to talk with, opened her mouth.
"I think His Highness is a bit strange lately…"
"In what sense…?"
"That… I don't know well either. I don't know what is wrong… well… I also feel like His Highness is hiding something from me…"
That was what Ahjin was worrying about. Ahjin felt like there was something more to what she knew—like how His Highness got sick after having nightmares last time and how he suddenly collapsed in front of the emperor today—but she couldn't grasp what it was.
In the past, Ahjin wouldn't think about this. Her master's worry was only about the emperor, so there was no need to think much about it, and Ahjin had no thought of figuring out her master's mind completely. She was busy living everyday to avoid bad things happening and to be safe.
However, it was different now. Ahjin now thought that her master's safety was the top priority, and she wanted to do everything she could for her master. Yet she felt that strangely, there were some walls surrounding her master and making her unable to get close.
"It'd be good if he shares it with me, whatever it is…"
What on earth is he so afraid of? What makes him keep collapsing? Why does my master sometimes look lonely as if he's floating alone in the open sea when his relationship with His Majesty gets better every day?
As Ahjin's expression got dark again, Seoseo heaved out a sigh with her. It was a sorrowful night as the path to being a power for her master was still distant.
"Come to think of it, soon will be Sukbi's birthday."
When the concubines were giving their morning greetings, the Empress spoke while looking at Sukbi as if she suddenly remembered it. Sukbi smiled, slightly curved her eyes, and answered.
"Since you don't forget and take care of me, I think it is fine even if I don't celebrate the day."
"Even so, it's your birthday, so we can't just let it pass, can we? His Majesty also told me to prepare it nicely so don't worry."
"Thank you for your deep kindness, Your Majesty."
"Alright, I have nothing else to say. Go back, everyone."
When the empress ended the morning greetings with Sukbi's greetings as the closure, everyone got up from their seats and left the Empress Palace in turn.
"Yeonbin!"
And the one who called and stopped Yeonbin on his way back this time was none other than Jeongbin, Songhyun. When Hwawoon, who looked back and saw Songhyun approaching him, naturally drew a smile, Songhyun also smiled unconsciously. She approached him hurriedly and continued,
"Are you heading straight to Jeongan Palace?"
"Yes, I am."
"You'll have your lunch after getting there, right?"
"Yes, I believe. Is there something you want to talk about?"
It seemed like she had something to say by how she kept asking the obvious. In fact, Ahjin had sensed what Songhyun wanted to say ever since she started the conversation. She sent a questioning-like glance to Jooah, who was next to Songhyun, "why is your master suddenly acting like this?". However, Jooah's expression, which somehow looked like surrendering, couldn't be interpreted more than "do you think I know?".
In the meantime, Songhyun, who was fidgeting as if she was shy, said,
"Then… after lunch, may I… bring some snacks and visit Jeongan Palace?"
Hwawoon didn't know it, but Songhyun wanted to say that to Hwawoon naturally, so she practiced all yesterday with Jooah. Hwawoon never expected that Songhyun would say that, even though she had talked to him before. He looked surprised for a moment but soon smiled softly again and answered,
"It's for the palace owner to serve food, so you can come comfortably."
"Ah… Really? I can really go there, right?"
"Of course."
"Yes! See you then, Yeonbin!"
Songhyun, who had been anxious all the morning greetings to the Empress in case Yeonbin rejected her, finally felt relieved and answered with a very excited voice. She instantly walked far with a happy step, which was obvious for anyone to tell.
Hwawoon knew he shouldn't compare her, but she looked like a puppy running under the spring sun. When he was unconsciously smiling looking at that, a voice suddenly rang behind him.
"… Your talent is really awesome."
The owner of the cold voice, which was different from Songhyun's, was Sukbi, Biyoung. Hwawoon only stared at Sukbi for a moment because he couldn't immediately understand what she meant, and Sukbi continued,
"I'm saying this because you changed Jeongbin, who used to detest you as I was, overnight. His Majesty and Her Majesty, then Jeongbin… Your force makes me afraid."
Sukbi's words outwardly sounded very cold. However, her gaze and voice as she said that remark had no other malicious sign, but rather seemed very careful. Hwawoon bowed his head lightly and answered,
"I'm trying not to repeat the mistakes I made in the past. I'm still lacking a lot, but everyone is generous enough to see me in a new light."
It was clearly a neat and impeccable answer without any hesitation.
In fact, Sukbi didn't want to criticize Yeonbin, who treated her with such good manners, but it was true that she couldn't easily relax because it was Sukbi—herself—who would be called Yeonbin's foe in this palace. If Yeonbin was actually sharpening a knife behind such a kind expression, it was none other than herself who could be hurt by the knife.
"I hope your determination won't change."
"Yes, Your Highness Sukbi."
Yeonbin said so and bowed his head when he saw Sukbi walk past himself. Given that she sent incense when he was sick last time, he already knew that Sukbi also did not want to fight with him for no reason. However, she couldn't fully trust the existence named Yeon Hwawoon, so she couldn't completely let off her guard.
Yeonbin obviously understood her heart, and there was nothing for him to be hurt by, so he just waited until Sukbi had walked far and then slowly moved his steps.
"I finally saw that person too!"
"Who?"
"What do you mean by who? It's obviously His Highness Yeonbin!"
The emperor, who had been quietly walking with a heavy heart, suddenly stopped by a familiar name in his ear. He was on his way out of the Empress Dowager Palace after visiting Empress Dowager, who was getting thin every day due to illness. What stopped him was the sound of court ladies talking beyond the large stone flower bed right in front of him.
The emperor hushed and stopped Eunuch Oh, who was about to walk forward and announce his presence, and stood there to pay attention to the voices he heard. Eunuch Oh almost looked at such an emperor in disrespect for a moment, but he was a very skilled person, so he quickly controlled his expression and stood calmly.
The voices beyond the flowerbed continued.
"You finally saw him! How do you feel?"
"Honestly, I've seen His Highness Yeonbin once before. It's not that I didn't think he had a beautiful face in contrast to his personality back then, but now, oh god…"
"See what I mean? He's really like a blindingly beautiful gentleman, right?"
"I really thought it was someone else. How good the flawless face and the blue clothes looked…!"
The emperor's expression as he listened to the story of the two court ladies who were excitedly chatting was strangely distorted, then he looked at Eunuch Oh. Eunuch Oh bowed his head pretending not to see the emperor's face, who was at a loss, and asked him with his mouth, "beautiful gentleman…?".
"There's nothing more to say. These days, he always walks to Jeongan Palace after giving a visit to the Empress… No wonder all the court ladies and young eunuchs are always making excuses like going to the Department of Internal Affairs or anywhere else at that time to snoop around the road."
"Why not? Now I understand why everyone was making a fuss about it. When someone approaches and greets him, he accepts it with a smile…"
The talking court lady seemed to be happy just by recalling it again, and the more he heard it, the more speechless he got. When the emperor's forehead was furrowed so deep, Eunuch Oh quickly stepped forward and raised his voice.
"How dare you talk thoughtlessly!"
Surprised by the sudden roar, the court ladies rushed forward and saw the emperor's face and fell to their knees. They couldn't say anything more and were shaking their heads and bowing because they did a grave sin, but in fact, Yihan was not even looking at them properly because his mind was focused on the other thing. Taking advantage of that opportunity, Eunuch Oh said again in a hurry.
"You'll get in trouble if you talk carelessly just because you have a mouth. Go away now!"
"Thank you!"
"Your grace is immeasurable!"
They would have nothing to say even if they were dragged right away and hit with sticks because mere court ladies dared to talk about Yeonbin in front of the emperor. The court ladies hurriedly raised themselves to the scolding of Eunuch Oh and moved their trembling legs to retreat. Meanwhile, the emperor looked at Eunuch Oh and opened his mouth in a dumbfounded voice.
"Were they just… addressing Yeonbin as a beautiful gentleman and acting that happy?"
"Your Majesty, that—"
"Where did they say they snoop around to see Yeonbin…?"
He had never heard of the imperial palace's courtiers making a fuss to see the face of the concubine, even if the said concubine was a man.
Yihan couldn't leave the place and just stood there with a dumbfounded face for a long time.
"Ahjin."
"Yes?"
"You look like you have a lot in your mind today."
Hwawoon quietly talked to Ahjin, who was unusually quiet. They were on their way back from the Empress Palace to Jeongan Palace, walking, as if it had become a natural routine now. Ahjin couldn't answer yes nor no to the sudden question from her master, so she just kept her head down. Hwawoon then continued again.
"I know that you were very shocked because of me yesterday…"
Yesterday, Hwawoon himself was so tired that he couldn't talk right away, but he could fully guess how surprised and flustered Ahjin as well as the Emperor must have been because of the appearance he showed. All the burdens in Hwawoon's heart were completely a problem that no one knew, and he was the only one who was bearing it, so on the outside, it would be no different from him showing an odd attitude alone for no reason.
Even though I've determined to not do that. I've made up my mind to leave the things that I can't resolve right away and focus on things I can do in my hands.
Yet he ended up making a fool of himself as he crumbled apart at the sudden mention of Yeon Hwawoon's family.
"About yesterday… I think it was because I wasn't feeling as well as I thought. I'm much better now, so I think you can put down your worries."
Hwawoon, who opened his eyes alone at dawn, vowed as the night came to an end. Let's not act weak. Let's not act like I'm the only one in pain in this world. The person who should really cry is Yeon Hwawoon who died without anyone knowing, not me who is enjoying things that I didn't dare dream of in his place. He vowed so.
Therefore, Hwawoon, whose heart was calmed down after the sun rose, was now comforting Ahjin. However, Ahjin didn't brighten up after hearing it. Then, she breathed out a deep breath like a sigh, stopped walking, looked at Hwawoon, and said,
"Your Highness. I'm just a maid serving you, so I know I can't give you much help."
Hwawoon was surprised by Ahjin's sudden words and opened his mouth to refute her, but Ahjin with a stern expression rushed to talk as if she wanted her master to listen to her first.
"How can I, who has and know nothing, understand what's in your mind and guess the trouble you have? However, Your Highness, what I want to say…"
Last night was also a long night for Ahjin. She clearly saw that her master was enduring something psychologically difficult—not simply sick—but she couldn't figure out the reason no matter how much she thought about it, so she couldn't sleep at all.
His position in the imperial palace, his relationship with the emperor, and his connection with the empress and the other concubines. None of those got worse compared to the past, but her master kept making a conflicted expression like someone being chased by a massive fear. As a result, Ahjin was sure there was something she couldn't guess going on with her master.
Therefore, Ahjin now was telling her only master,
"I'll be by your side."
No matter what it was, she would be by his side.
"Someday, when you want to pour out that heavy heart of yours. At that time, I'll be by your side, Your Highness."
Even though she wouldn't be able to solve it with her humble existence, she would stay next to him like someone without eyes, ears, and mouth.
"Whatever you will say. Whatever you're hiding. Whatever kind of weight you're bearing."
"…"
"When you want someone to hear out all of those, at that time, I will be there at the closest place to you."
That was the new loyalty Ahjin pledged to Hwawoon, who completely changed from the past.
"Is that true?"
Instead of eating his lunch, Yihan asked Eunuch Oh with his still dumbfounded expression. Even before the eunuch could say anything, Yihan opened his mouth again.
"Is everyone really making a fuss like that, saying that Yeonbin is a beautiful gentleman?"
Yihan was still unable to break free from the words said by the court ladies on his way back from the Empress Dowager Palace. With a troubled expression, Eunuch Oh opened his mouth.
"That is only a remark lightly made by the bored servants, Your Majesty. You don't need to worry much."
Alas, at that moment, Yihan wasn't listening to Eunuch Oh's answer anymore. Instead, he was thoroughly checking Hwawoon's appearance, which he saw recently, in his head.
A person, who was no different from other concubines—used to dress up like a woman of great beauty, suddenly took out and wore the clothes of the male concubine that he had never given a look before. He abandoned his fancy accessories, fixed up his hair with a jade guan like the young scholars, and walked around freely with a fluttering long dopo like a person appreciating arts.
The more he thought about it, Yihan felt like he understood why the court ladies made such a comment about Yeonbin, and that made him feel bitter.
Besides, it wasn't like he boarded the palanquin so the servants wouldn't dare to look up, but he willingly roamed the imperial palace every day with his own two feet. So, wasn't this like he was showing off his face—telling everyone to take a look at him?
After absentmindedly putting a side dish Eunuch Oh placed in his bowl into his mouth, Yihan furrowed his brows, chewing it as though it was a certain someone, who was making him irritated inside.
"Here I spent the night filling my cup with liquor…"
Since that person suddenly cried out in his arms, the emperor felt disturbed all night. He suddenly thought about a past event he never thought about; for no reason, he dwelled on the feelings of the predecessor emperor who built Jeongan Palace for a male concubine; he kept thinking about the words he never thought of like 'romance feeling' and 'lover,' so he couldn't even sleep.
Well, he couldn't say that the reason he suddenly had those kinds of thoughts was definitely Yeon Hwawoon. The reason was that Yihan thought Yeon Hwawoon still meant nothing to him. Nevertheless, because that person shed tears in front of him out of nowhere, he also fell into contemplation for no reason.
"But he has been making such a great effort to buy everyone's attention using his face, huh…"
"Your Majesty. It's not like that, but—"
"I let him have his way, yet isn't this really arrogant of him?"
Eunuch Oh immediately talked, trying to guide back the emperor's thoughts, which were heading in an unreasonable direction, but the emperor was still not listening to him. In the emperor's head, Yeonbin seemed to be already laughing here and there and teasing the court ladies to twist their minds.
Eunuch Oh barely managed to hold in his urge to heave a sigh, and the emperor soon said,
"I will go to Jeongan Palace after this."
It had been long since the emperor, who made up his mind to acknowledge and accept Yeonbin and not to get swayed by him, disappeared.
"Your Highness, Her Highness Jeongbin has arrived."
Hwawoon, who was in the inner room—sitting and admiring the flower vases arranged by the girls with much care, looked surprised with the news brought in by Seoseo, but soon told her, "guide her in." He had heard about her plan to visit Jeongan Palace, but he never thought that there would be a day when the other concubines would be so friendly to him, so he couldn't easily believe it.
Hwawoon felt glad that he ordered the court ladies to prepare the snacks in case Jeongbin would really come. As soon as Ahjin told Seoseo to go to the kitchen and bring over the snacks, Jeongbin, Songhyun, had already peeped from the doorway.
"Welcome, Jeongbin."
Hwawoon welcomed Songhyun, feeling nervous and awkward, also a bit excited as this was the first time he had such a personal meeting with another concubine after he woke up as Yeon Hwawoon. If all the people that Hwawoon had faced so far were connections deeply connected to the previous Yeon Hwawoon, Hwawoon thought Songhyun, who looked a little awkward but walked in with a smile, was a connection he started himself, so he strangely felt excited.
Of course, Jeongbin was also a person who would have encountered Yeon Hwawoon in the past countless times, but it was obvious that she was not really a meaningful person in Yeon Hwawoon's mind. Therefore, Hwawoon felt like this was a meaningful connection he utterly started himself.
"I'm afraid I'm bothering you when you are resting…"
Walking in slowly, Songhyun muttered in low, yet she couldn't hold herself from looking around. The reason was obvious that this was her first time coming inside Jeongan Palace. She had heard that Jeongan Palace is big and splendid, incomparable to other palaces, and she could guess it through the dignity of the palace she saw from the outside, but Jeongan Palace, which she saw in person, was so beautiful that she couldn't say anything.
It was not just a saying that this palace was the fruit of the love that the emperor had bestowed on his only lover.
Nevertheless, in the middle of that beautiful palace, it was Yeonbin where Songhyun's eyes eventually landed on. Both the outside and the inside of the palace was decorated splendidly, but the palace owner was dressed so simply and neatly. However, that appearance of his didn't look shabby, and rather looked more elegant, seemed to overwhelm the splendor around him.
Yeonbin, who wore dark blue clothes which were rare for the concubines to wear, had an outstanding beauty and looked like an upright scholar. Songhyun once again was reminded of her brother, and she quickly approached Yeonbin. Songhyun, who was embarrassingly staring at Yeonbin's face, only looked away when Jooah faked coughing twice.
Yeonbin then said, smiling at Songhyun's figure which was just like a curious small puppy.
"What do you mean by bothering me? I only feel happy that Jeongbin came to this place that isn't visited by anyone."
"I was worried if you'll feel uncomfortable if I visit you. Erm… actually, I mean… our relationship in the past was a bit…"
"I must have treated you quite rude."
While Songhyun was hesitating to express their relationship that was so chaotic in the past, Hwawoon relaxedly added in as if that was nothing. Then, Songhyun opened her eyes wide as if she was surprised for a moment, laughed once, and said more comfortably.
"I brought in the tea I wanted to give you last time but couldn't, so I think it's good to send it to the kitchen, then drink it together."
There were many nights she couldn't sleep because she felt angry after being insulted by Yeonbin on the day she entered the imperial palace. Back then, she couldn't even guess there would be a day when she sat across from Yeonbin and smiled as they talked. She couldn't even expect there would be a day when she got reminded of her brother as she looked at that loathsome Yeonbin.
Hwawoon and Songhyun sat face to face at the round table, thinking that they really don't know the inside of a person completely and don't know what the future has for a person. It was a sunny day, which can be called a new day.
The conversation between Songhyun and Hwawoon, which was expected to be awkward because this was the first, flowed out smoothly like flowing water. It was usually Songhyun, who chattered away, and Hwawoon listened to her while smiling. When Songhyun asked a question about Hwawoon once in a while, Hwawoon answered her sincerely. Since the two had no exchange at all before, they couldn't stop talking even though they only talked about the things they liked.
The image of Songhyun, who led the atmosphere well without awkwardness and continued to talk brightly, was the image of the youngest who was loved and raised preciously at home, so Hwawoon smiled happily and listened to Songhyun's story.
"Erm… I have a brother older than me. How about you, Yeonbin, do you have younger siblings…?"