JUST ON THE SURFACE
CHAPTER SEVEN
"Yo, Beckett, where's your boy?" Esposito asks the next morning, greeting her at a crime scene.
Kate's steps falter, but she recovers quickly and takes a long drink of her coffee. The coffee she had to make for herself, thanks to ending things with Castle. It isn't nearly as good, but it's better than nothing.
"He's not coming," she tells her partner. "Our arrangement is over." When Espo starts to ask why, she steps in front of him, cutting him off. "Castle and I are over, in every sense of the word. That's all you need to know."
His eyes flash with something unreadable, but it's replaced immediately with concern, so she lets it go. "Okay."
She nods. "Okay," she echoes. "Now tell me about our vic."
Days turn into weeks, and Kate is miserable.
She pretends that she isn't, putting on an air of indifference, even gratitude that she can focus on cases again with no distractions. Only one person sees through her charade, or at least feels comfortable enough to call her out on it, so a few days after Kate walks out of Castle's apartment, Lanie appears at her door with a bottle of tequila in one hand and margarita mix in the other.
Kate tells her best friend everything that night, from the fake dating arrangement, to the incredible sex she couldn't get enough of, to the utter betrayal just moments after she'd put her heart on the line.
To his credit, Rick stops calling after two days of her ignoring him. She deletes his voicemails without listening, his texts without reading, and he seems to get the hint. For that she's grateful; every time she saw his name on her screen, the pain in her chest grew.
A couple of weeks after the breakup - or whatever you'd call ending an arrangement that complicated - Kate asks Lanie to set her up on a date. The firefighter she goes to dinner with is nice and easy on the eyes, but they part ways without a word of a next time.
The date is fine. Just fine.
Kate ignores the voice in her head suggesting that the reason it feels like something's missing with the firefighter is because he's all wrong.
He's not Castle.
She's tempted to call Castle that night, but she doesn't. Even though her apartment feels emptier and her bed seems colder than usual, and her body aches for him, she doesn't call. Every time she imagines his hands on her, she remembers what he did.
She has to be in court the next morning, so she doesn't have a chance to think about Castle again until she returns to the precinct. His chair is back in the conference room, but still, the space next to her desk seems empty, and it tugs at her chest.
She can't help it. She misses him.
Ryan and Esposito are nowhere to be found, so she turns on her computer and heads to the break room to make coffee. She spots her partners sitting at a table, and when Ryan notices her, he smacks Espo's arm and gives him a look that Kate recognizes as Shut the hell up.
"Hey guys," she greets them, getting a mug from the cupboard and pouring coffee.
The guys share a look, and she raises her brows and walks over to them. Espo grabs the paper between them and folds it before she can see what it is.
"Hey Beckett. How was court?" Ryan asks, pushing his chair back and standing.
"Fine. What's what?" She points at the paper.
Espo's cheeks flush. "Nothing. Just the sports."
"Bullshit." She holds her hand out until he sighs and hands it over. She sets her coffee down and opens the paper, and her heart sinks when she sees the picture and headline at the top of Page Six.
Single No More: Author Back To Playboy Ways
The picture shows Castle in a suit, obviously at some kind of event, with a wide grin on his face and a busty blonde on each arm. She skims the article, every word hurting just a little more.
He'd attended a book launch for another Black Pawn author and had spent his time flirting with the female attendees, signing chests before leaving with the two in the picture.
Kate feels her cheeks warm, but whether in anger or hurt, she isn't sure.
"Sorry, Beckett," Ryan says quietly. When she glances up, he and Espo are at the door, and she can't handle the looks on their faces, the pity in their eyes.
She crumples up the paper and throws it in the trash. "Whatever. Good for him."
She grabs her coffee, pushes past them, stalks to her desk, and leans against it until the guys catch up. When Ryan opens his mouth, she doesn't give him the chance to apologize or say anything reassuring. She just holds up her finger and glares. "I don't want to see or hear anything about him. Not a damn thing. I've moved on, obviously he has too, so you two need to deal with it. Got it?"
The guys nod.
"Good." she jerks her head towards the murder board, where she recognizes Ryan's handwriting. "Fill me in."
SIX WEEKS LATER
She doesn't want to be here. She'd rather be at home, or working a case; hell, she'd even take a shitty first date over this. But she'd agreed, thanks to some persuasive arguing by her captain that it could be good for her career. At the very least, it would be a favor for the mayor, and it never hurts to have an IOU or two from him.
She'd rolled her eyes at that; the mayor should already owe her several years of therapy and wine for having to put up with Castle earlier that year.
The thought of her former shadow has her heading towards the bar. She hasn't seen him in two months, not since she'd discovered he was looking into her mom's case, and she'd ended everything between them.
One thing. She'd asked him to do one thing, and he couldn't even do that.
She drains her vodka martini in two large gulps, ignores the judgmental look from the woman next to her as she orders another one. She thanks the bartender, and when she spots Montgomery in the middle of the room talking to a few other people she recognizes from 1PP, she approaches him.
The sound of a familiar laugh catches her attention. It cuts across the room, has her freezing in place.
She turns slowly to the right, and he may be across the room, but she finds him immediately, like a lighthouse in a storm. Or, probably more accurately, a moth to a flame.
He's turned slightly away from her, so he hasn't seen her yet, and she's grateful. Even just hearing his voice brings her back to that day in the spring, when she'd bared her heart to him, then seen a picture she wasn't supposed to see. She's right back in his kitchen, her heart shattering when she realized what he'd done.
It's taken everything in her not to revisit her mom's case again, to avoid getting lost down that rabbit hole. But she moved past it, thought the Richard Castle phase of her life was over. She'll still read his books - probably - but she didn't think she'd ever have to see him again.
Until now.
She's frozen, torn with indecision, feeling obligated to stay and rub elbows, but also wanting to disappear. She starts towards Montgomery again, hoping she can avoid Castle until she's been here long enough and can leave.
Unfortunately, the universe has other plans.
"Beckett?"
She lets out a long, slow exhale, tries to steel herself against the barrage of emotions that just the sound of his voice brings. After a moment she turns, somehow manages to stop herself from giving him a once-over.
She forgot how damn good he looks in a suit. And how her body responds at the mere thought of him.
"Castle," she responds in a clipped voice.
His eyes flash, but he quickly regains his composure, and he tucks his hands in his pockets. "Didn't expect to see you here."
Kate shrugs. "Just putting in some face time with the higher-ups. What are you doing here?"
"Friends with the mayor," he reminds her, as if she doesn't remember that the entire reason she had to put up with him in the first place is because of that friendship.
She doesn't respond, and they fall into an awkward silence. Eventually, she takes a long drink. "Anyway, goodbye."
"Kate-" He curls his fingers around her bicep when she turns away, and she sighs, but lets him step in front of her again.
"What, Castle?"
Whatever he'd been expecting, it obviously wasn't her snapping at him, and he takes a step back, his face falling.
She shouldn't care, but her feelings betray her. She'd finally admitted that she liked him, and was ready to stop their facade and date for real when he'd shattered her trust. Damn her heart for apparently still harboring something.
It takes every ounce of effort, but she keeps her expression neutral, the grip on her drink firm. She can't let him see any softness, any vulnerability. He'd take it as encouragement that she's forgiven him, when the reality is the exact opposite.
"I just…" He trails off, and his hand falls from her arm. "Look, can I buy you a drink?"
Her brow quirks. "It's an open bar."
He sighs. "Right. After? Or tomorrow?" he suggests.
She quickly drains her drink and gives the empty glass to a passing waiter, then crosses her arms over her chest. "Why?"
"Because, I-" He huffs. "I don't know, Beckett. Maybe I miss you and want to catch up."
She snorts and rolls her eyes. "Yeah, maybe you should've thought of that before you did what you did. It's not gonna happen, Castle. Goodbye." She pushes past him, barely resisting the urge to knock him with her shoulder. A few people nearby are already watching them, and the last thing she wants to do is cause a scene, no matter how pissed she is.
God, Castle's really going to stand there like he did nothing wrong, that he blatantly ignored her request, especially after she shared about her mom? Does he really not realize how hard it was for her to open up like that? And he just wants to get a drink and pretend they're old friends who haven't seen each other in a few months?
Not gonna happen.
She approaches Montgomery, her steps faltering only a little when she realizes he's been joined by the Mayor.
Her captain, the Commissioner, Deputy Commissioner, and the Mayor? She's had this nightmare before; at least in real life, she's wearing clothes.
"Sir," she greets Montgomery.
He turns to welcome her into their little circle. "Detective, glad you could join us." He quickly makes introductions, and Kate offers cursory pleasantries, even when the mayor levels his gaze at her.
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Detective," he says, his voice cheerful despite the unreadable look in his eye. "I've heard a lot about you from Ricky. It's too bad your relationship came to an end. He's done nothing but rave about you. He should be here somewhere, maybe we can get you two back together."
Kate inhales slowly through her nose, hoping no one else can read her annoyance. Her relationship? It didn't come to an end.
Of course Ricky would pretend he was blameless. He doesn't think he could ever do wrong. The end justifies the means, no matter who he hurts on the way.
"Yes, it was too bad," she replies, keeping her tone even. She forces herself not to look at Montgomery; aside from Lanie, who'd pulled the truth from her, and of course Castle, her captain is the only person she knows of who knows the real reason she'd kicked the writer out.
"Anyway," she continues, "I hate to do this, but I have to duck out a bit early. Headache," she adds when the men protest. "I'll be no fun here in a few minutes."
She ignores the knowing look in Montgomery's eye - it wouldn't surprise her if he saw her talking to Castle - and shakes their hands, then heads towards the door. She's so focused on getting the hell out of there that she doesn't hear the footsteps behind her, doesn't realize Castle is following her until his fingers are around his wrist and he's tugging her aside.
"What the-" She whirls around and yanks her arm out of his grasp. "What the hell are you doing?"
"We need to talk, Beckett."
"No we don't," she snaps. She squares her shoulders, glaring at him, meeting the fire in his eyes with her own. "I have nothing to say to you, Castle."
His nostrils flare for a moment, something she recognizes as barely controlled anger. "Then let me talk."
She rolls her eyes, but she takes pity on him and jerks her head toward the end of the hall. They're fairly isolated already, but the party is close enough that any yelling - which she can't guarantee won't happen - will carry. The last thing she wants is for the mayor's party, from which she's already leaving early, to be ruined by them.
There's a door marked "employees only" at the end of the hall, and she pushes it open, finds it empty save for office supplies. She swipes her hand against the wall in search of a light, and flips the switch when she finds it, shuts the door once Castle is inside. The light isn't very bright, but she can still see well enough to make out the hard set of his jaw.
She leans back against a shelf full of paper and crosses her arms. "Okay. Talk."
"I was just trying to help. No, I'm serious," he insists when she scoffs. "I wanted to look at the case with fresh eyes, see if I'd find anything new or different. And it turns out I did. If you hadn't walked away and ignored all my calls, I might have been able to tell you."
She rolls her eyes. "Bullshit. If you wanted to help me, you would've done what I asked and left it alone. You did it for yourself, Rick. Because you just couldn't stand the thought of being unable to swoop in and solve all my problems."
He starts to protest, but she shakes her head and points her finger at him. "Don't, Castle. You betrayed my trust, and you're still trying to paint yourself as some kind of hero."
"I'm not-"
"Yes you are!" She sighs in frustration and shakes her head again. "This was a mistake," she murmurs, pushing herself off the shelf. "I'm leaving."
He moves in front of her as she approaches the door, his broad frame filling the space, blocking her. She crosses her arms. "Let me through."
"No."
He takes a step forward, and she can only retreat. She tries to ignore the tendrils of desire unfurling deep in her belly at his proximity, at the firm muscle beneath his shirt as she tries to stop him with a palm to his chest. She'd forgotten how intoxicating he is, how his presence can distract her from everything else. Her fingers clench, gripping his shirt, and she can only watch as his gaze darkens.
Her heart pounds in her chest as her back hits the shelves, but he doesn't stop until his body is pressed against hers. She should feel trapped, almost pinned as she is, but she doesn't. They both know she's more than capable of stopping him, but she doesn't want to.
She doesn't mind the press of his body, the tease of the hardness against her lower belly. All she needs to do is raise herself on her toes, and if he bends his knees just a little…
His name falls from her lips in a breathy exhale, and the corner of his mouth quirks.
"We're not done here," he husks, his dark gaze dropping to her mouth, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. "I have more to say."
She interrupts whatever he has on his mind with the hard press of her mouth against his.
He freezes, but when her tongue prods the seam of his lips, he snaps and cups her face in his hands, tilts her head and slicks his tongue against hers. Her fingers work at the buttons of his shirt, and he grunts when her fingers slip inside and splay across his ribs.
"Cold," he murmurs, pulling away just long enough to breathe before trailing his mouth down her neck. Desperate fingers tug at fabric, and she doesn't even have a chance to breathe before he turns her around and yanks her underwear down her legs.
He nudges her legs apart and slicks his fingers through her folds, and she grips the shelf in front of her even as she grinds her ass against him. He pauses, and she feels his shaky exhale against the back of her neck as the thick head of his cock nudges her entrance. She gasps and pushes back, moans when he buries himself to the hilt with one stroke.
His fingers dig into her hips as he withdraws and thrusts again, setting a maddingly slow pace that has her pouting in frustration.
That won't do.
She clenches around him and he jerks, his cock hitting every nerve ending and making her cry out in surprise. "Rick," she gasps, tilting her face up, reaching behind her to cup the back of his head when he crashes his mouth against hers.
His rhythm soon falters, and before long, he drops his mouth to the side of her neck, panting as he reaches around and brushes his fingers against her clit.
She buries her fingers in his hair and shatters.
He follows her over the edge, groaning into her skin, dragging his tongue along her shoulder as he pulses inside her. "Fuck," he moans when they finally still, his body sagging against hers, trapping her against the shelf.
After a moment he pulls away, and she immediately misses him when he slips out, misses his familiar weight against her. She pulls her underwear up and adjusts her dress, and she runs her fingers through her hair, trying to tame it as she turns around.
Castle finishes buckling his belt, and he rubs his hands down the front of his pants to smooth the wrinkles, looks up at Kate, the flush on his cheeks obvious even in the low light.
"Hell of a conversation." It's supposed to be a joke, but the low husk of her voice gives away the desire that still simmers low in her belly.
God, she missed him.
He chuckles and shakes his head. "Yeah. Look, obviously emotions are high tonight. Can I call you tomorrow? We can actually talk?"
She raises a brow. "I'm on shift tomorrow," she lies. She has no desire to hear what excuse he'll come up with next.
"When are you off?"
She sighs and runs her fingers through her hair again. She knows it's just messing it up even more than it already was, but she intends to go home immediately after she leaves this room.
But she knows how stubborn Castle can be, that he won't let up until she agrees to hear him out. "Fine," she finally relents, "just call me whenever. Can I go now?"
He nods and steps aside, and she walks out without another glance.
Kate spots him in the corner of the café, two mugs in front of him, and she feels a tug in her chest at the nervous look on his face. He runs his fingers through his hair, looking up as he does, and he freezes when his eyes land on her.
Castle offers a small smile as she approaches, and he stands and tucks his hands in his back pockets.
"Hey," he greets her in a low rasp. He points at the mug closest to her. "For you."
"Thanks."
"Thanks for meeting me." He motions to the chair across from him and sits when she does. "I figured a neutral place would be best to talk."
"So we don't make a scene?" Or get distracted by sex again, she mentally adds, clenching her thighs together at the memory of the previous night.
Having sex with him had been a terrible idea, but she hadn't been in control of her own body, acted purely out of lust. It was something that can never happen again. Sleeping with Castle complicated things before, and she can't afford complicated.
She can't risk sharing her heart only for him to break it again.
His eyes darken and flick to her mouth, and she wonders if he's also thinking about last night, about their tryst in the supply closet.
"No, so you would be more comfortable. I thought you wouldn't want to be at my place, or feel like I was invading your space," he explains.
Kate leans back in her chair. That's actually remarkably thought out and considerate. "Okay," she finally manages. "Well, you seem like you have things you want to say. I've said everything I wanted to, so I'm not sure what you want from me."
"I just want you to listen," he insists. "I'm sorry, Kate. You were right. I looked at your mom's case thinking I was helping, that I'd do it on my own because you wouldn't ask." He pauses and leans his elbows on the table, his hands cupping his drink. "It kills me that I betrayed your trust, but I also know that words don't mean shit without actions. So I threw it out."
It takes a few moments for Kate's brain to catch up with his words. "You threw it out?"
"Yeah. I know if I had the file around, I'd be too tempted to revisit it, so I tossed it."
"Oh." She traces her finger around the rim of her mug, at a loss for words. Even last night, he'd been so stubborn, so insistent that his good intentions should negate the hurt that he'd caused.
He pushes his chair back. "I don't expect you to take me back. You were clear that we were done, and I respect that. So, I'm out of your hair." He gives her a long look, and she flushes at the intense gaze, can't help but feel like he's memorizing her. "Bye, Kate. Take care of yourself."
He stands and starts to walk away, but she reaches up and grabs his hand, stops him before he passes her. She looks up at him and meets his confused gaze.
"Castle, wait. Sit back down."
He lifts a brow, but does.
Kate isn't entirely sure what she's doing; ten minutes ago, she was ready to tell him to take his apology and shove it. But he seems sincere, didn't make any more excuses or try to justify his actions, and if he really did throw out his copy of the case file, then he must mean it.
"I accept your apology," she starts, lacing her fingers together on top of the table.
His face lights up with a grin, awakening the butterflies in her stomach. "Thank you," he sighs. He reaches his hand out, but she doesn't take the bait.
"That doesn't mean we're back to before. We went too far last time. We blurred the lines between personal and professional, and that can't happen again."
Judging by the very attractive clench in his jaw, he doesn't like where this is going, but she has to stay strong. So she pushes on.
"If Montgomery approves - and that's a big if, he knows why I kicked you out," she adds when he starts to smile, "you can shadow me again. Assuming you still want to. But that's it."
"That's it, meaning…"
"Our relationship remains professional," she clarifies.
His gaze darkens. "And if I want it to be personal?"
She shakes her head. No, a personal relationship is off the table. She won't let herself fall for him again. "It's professional or nothing."
The muscle in his jaw clenches again, causing a certain body part between her legs to renew its cry for attention. After several long seconds, he nods and holds out his hand. "Okay."
Her heart flutters when she takes his hand. "Okay. I'll talk to Montgomery tomorrow." She releases his hand and picks up her mug. "Welcome back, Castle."
A/N: One more chapter!