a/n: hi all of you lovely readers! thank you so much for sticking with me and this story, and for all of your kind reviews and likes. may the force be with all of you!

this chapter may seem menial, but simply because i'm setting us up for some very satisfying next few chapters!

"Thank you for loving me when I still tasted of heartache and war."-Nikita Gill

Chapter 16

Time passed easily on Naboo. Rey and I spent our days exploring the palace, visiting the lake for more swimming practice, sparring playfully in the training center. Before I knew it, the end of the week had arrived. After the kiss I had given Rey our second day here, I didn't dare touch her that way again-I'd see if she wanted that before I would hound her in a way that made her uncomfortable.

I walked into the private dining hall this morning, and, as usual, saw Rey and Ejan awaiting my presence, talking in casual, pleasant conversation.

"Cousin!" Ejan called cheerfully. I nodded up at him. "I was just chatting with Rey about the greenhouse." I knew Ejan liked Rey-it wasn't something that could be stopped, seeing as she was so delightful. I just wasn't entirely sure how much he liked her, and how Rey felt about him in return. It unnerved me.

"I think we're going there this afternoon," Rey looked at me as I sat down, already reaching for the kaf. "He's going to show me how to plant some herbs that they use in the kitchen!" She grinned at me, obviously excited to try something new. That was another wonderful thing about Rey-she was enthusiastic about everything, had such a thirst to learn. I smiled softly back at her.

"That sounds interesting," I said politely, although spending more time with Ejan than absolutely necessary seemed a bit of a pain.

"Oh, it will be. The greenhouse is fascinating," he said this to Rey, almost like he was trying to convince her. "Ben, I wanted to tell you while I had you both here." Rey was chewing a mouthful of food, but looked up at him in curiosity. I looked at him warily. What news could be good, given our situation?

"Tomorrow evening, there's going to be a gala for some senators and the like from the Republic, coming to visit," he said this eagerly. "I wanted to cordially invite you both. You know, I wanted it to be a sort of 'welcome home' gathering, but figured not everyone in the Senate would be, er, welcoming to that idea." He chuckled at his own little joke. I could have groaned and put my face in my hands.

"Another gala!" Rey exclaimed, looking over at me. "This time we can actually have fun, instead of being on a job." Ejan laughed warmly. Did she not have fun at the last one? At least, while we were pretending to be married? I was a damned fool for thinking she could have had fun that evening, under such harrowing circumstances, but I still felt wounded thinking she didn't enjoy being close to me. My neuroticism was really becoming a problem.

"Yes," I provided my answer in a flat monotone. "Please try not to bring any attention to me being here, Ejan. I don't need any more trouble than I'm already in." I hated asking favors, but I couldn't face that kind of crowd looking at me like the monster I was...or used to be, I supposed. Especially not with Rey around.

"Of course," Ejan put his hands up, palms forward, as if feigning innocence. "I understand. As far as anyone knows, you're simply another face in the room." I sighed in relief and let my shoulders loosen from the tense position they had pulled themselves into. Rey was looking at me, concerned.

"I think it could be fun, and we don't have to talk to anyone unless we want to," she placed her hand on top of my forearm, gentle but reassuring. I couldn't help but smile at her.

"Yes, it could be fun," I may hate these sorts of events, but if she wanted to do it, I'd plaster a smile on my face and deal with it. Besides, seeing her happy was gift enough.

Rey decided she was going to read for the morning in the vast library, and although I wanted to spend as much time around her as possible, I needed to meditate. I needed time alone, to think, to center myself, especially if I was going to face another anxiety-inducing event like the one tomorrow evening.

After a while of sitting in the shade, facing the mountains and crystal water of the palace grounds, I decided I'd go find Rey. Seeing as one of the suns was high in the sky, she was probably in the greenhouse.

Approaching the glass-paned, lush building, I heard Ejan speaking, laughing, and I felt a strange energy coming from him. Not necessarily excited, but of a sort of...heightened awareness? I wasn't sure what to call it. I stepped around the corner of the stone stairs, peaking around the open doorway into the humid air.

And the sight I saw could have made me send Ejan face first into the mountains I had so peacefully been looking at only moments ago.

Rey was standing against a table, her arms elbow deep in a pot of earth and plants, looking into it with focus. Ejan, however, was right behind her, his arms encasing her from behind, his hands guiding her through whatever stupid process it was he was showing her. I think they were repotting something with substantial roots.

What made me angriest, was that Ejan was pressing into Rey, and smiling at her, his head next to her as he spoke in her ear. I was already fuming by the time Rey looked up at me.

"Ben!" She called, and something like relief wafted from her end of the bond. "There you are, I was wondering where you were." She tried to move back, and when she couldn't she threw a wary glance up at Ejan, who didn't notice, as he was looking at me too. That devious grin of his in perfect position.

"Ah, yes, I was just showing Rey some of the work I do while I'm down here," Ejan spoke so nonchalantly I could have strangled him.

"It's a nice place, much more functional than I had expected," Rey spoke, and as she finished, she managed to get Ejan to step back, and she dusted off the front of her wrappings. She smiled at me, with an expression I wasn't entirely familiar with.

"I see." I said through my teeth, the words coming out icy. Rey's brow flinched in response, only a bit, and it was then I felt like an idiot. Had she wanted this time with Ejan? Had I interrupted them?

"I'm, um, going to go freshen up, seeing as I look as though I'm part of the greenhouse itself," Rey laughed awkwardly, gesturing to her clothes, covered in dirt. Ejan chuckled, but Rey didn't turn to look at him. She just gave me one last, brief smile, and moved past me, never looking away. I had my eyes on Ejan. Staring daggers, actually.

When I knew Rey was out of earshot, I moved into the greenhouse. Ejan looked smug, his hands in his pockets casually. My hands were clenched into knuckle-white fists.

"What are you doing?" I asked, knowing he would know what I meant.

"What do you mean?" He pretended to not know, and smirked at me. I moved closer, forcing him to look up at me slightly as I neared.

"You know exactly what I mean," my voice was acid now. "With Rey. What do you think you're doing?"

"Oh, come on. If you won't make a move on her, I will." I got in his face.

"The hell you will," I bit out. I couldn't help it, I was pushing myself into his mind before I even realized it. He was certainly interested in Rey-he definitely looked at her in a way I couldn't stand, thought about her and him in a way that made the blood in my veins boil, and I was so lost in my own fury I didn't notice Ejan cringing away from me in pain until he gasped out in discomfort. I shook my head, looking at his grimace, and made the band of my mind snap back immediately.

"What the kriff was that for? Wasn't it obvious my intentions the moment you saw us in here?" He had his hands on his knees, looking up at me, panting.

"You won't touch her," I commanded firmly. "You won't even talk to her if she doesn't want you to." He stood up to his full height, still having to look up at me a bit.

"Who says Rey doesn't want this?" He looked at me incredulously. I pondered that for a parsec, but wouldn't allow myself to think that was a possibility. I knew Ejan was conventionally attractive or whatever, but what could Rey possibly see in him?

But that train of thought made my heart thunder in my chest. In that vein of thinking, what could Rey possibly see in me?

"She doesn't," I affirmed, trying to convince both myself and Ejan. "And unless that changes, you won't so much as think of her in a way she'd disapprove of."

"I don't understand," Ejan told me. "If you can't have her, nobody else can?" I shook my head.

"She's not mine, that's not the point. The point is you need to stop bothering her," I was letting my anger cool down a bit, seeing as he wasn't arguing with me, really.

"Rey's a good woman, Ben," Ejan told me, and my hands somehow clenched tighter. "If you-or me-don't notice that, someone else will. And they'll do something about it." He spoke as though he was lecturing me.

"I do notice that," I retorted fervently.

"But you haven't done anything about it! If you want her, why don't you tell her? She's not going to wait around forever, you know."

"It's not that simple, you wouldn't understand," I waved him off.

"I know, your mother informed me. You two have something called a Dyad between you? I may not fully comprehend it, but in basic terms, I know it means you have a special connection. You need to take advantage of that-" I cut him off.

"It's not just that, Ejan," I was exasperated. I couldn't believe I was discussing this with Ejan, of all people. "She's seen the worst of me, she knows just how vile I can be. That has all changed quite suddenly. I can't just...spring this on her. And if I tell her, and it's not what she wants, I could lose her forever." I ended my little outburst, running a hand through my hair.

"Ben, if Rey has followed you all this way, she's obviously past the point of seeing you as an adversary," Ejan was...assuring me, now? "And, frankly, a woman doesn't look at someone that way if she doesn't already love you. I only gave it a shot because I figured if you weren't, I might as well try." I looked away, at a plant that was growing tall in the corner. I didn't know what to make of what he was saying. Maybe he was wrong-it wouldn't surprise me.

"Ben, you have to tell her. Soon. Now. If you could see the way she looks at you...she's waiting for you to look at her like that, back." He spoke softly, encouragingly. This was a strange turn of events.

"I do look at her that way," I mumbled.

"You don't let her see it, though. You have to tell her, Ben. She needs to hear it." I blew air out through my mouth, and finally looked back at him, allowing my fists to unclench.

"I will. Maybe tomorrow, after the gala," I was musing how I could do something special for her, to show her just how much I love her. Ideas began to run through my head.

"Good," Ejan nodded. "I hate to lose my chance, but I don't think that existed in the first place," he laughed, and I could only glower.

"Kriff, alright, fine, I'll back off," he put his hands up again like he had at breakfast. I simply turned on my heels and left, returning to my room to do some planning. I would show Rey just how much I love her, and, even though I did not deserve it, hopefully she would return the sentiment.

If she didn't, I'd settle for having had a blissful, tiny period of my miserable existence that I could hang on to the rest of my life, when I still lived in hope.

In the fresher, I thought about how uncomfortable Ejan had made me in the greenhouse. He had gotten close-too close-and I was so relieved at Ben's interruption I could have leapt into his arms. I'd have to keep a careful eye on Ejan when I was around him. He had wandering hands.

When I got out, and into a fresh pair of clothing, I called on Nadaru. I was finally going to ask for some trousers to sleep in instead of the dresses she kept supplying. If Ben could have them, why couldn't I? I was very pleased when brought my a few pairs, all very soft.

Later, I decided to go find Ben, where ever he had run off to. I had left him alone with Ejan, simply because I had needed to leave. The room was too humid, it was suffocating, and I had to reject Ejan's advances somehow. If he tried that again, I'd have to show him that a desert scavenger is not to be messed with. In fact, I was planning on giving him a piece of my mind verbally when I saw him at dinner.

After looking all over the palace, which I was surprised I didn't get lost in, I found him in the library I had been in earlier. He was messing with a Holopad in front of him, his brow furrowed in concentration.

"Hi," I greeted him as I approached. He turned to look at me and shut the Holopad off immediately. That was odd.

"Hello," he looked up at me from where he sat.

"Your cousin is a bit of a nerfherder, I have to admit," I told him as I sat down across from him, in a comfortable fabric chair. "I think he likes me, and I was so relieved to see you because I really did not want to give the king a broken nose, so thank you for interrupting." Ben's eyes widened a fraction, and his expression was alien to me for a moment.

"Oh," was all he said. "You're welcome. I did speak to him about his behavior-I assumed you were uncomfortable." I nodded once.

"Thank you, you didn't have to do that-I can take care of myself," I assured him, sitting up a bit. His gaze softened slightly, and he looked kindly at me.

"I know, but it's nice to care for you," he admitted. I blushed at his confession, and looked down. I didn't take compliments very well, not when they came from him. Well, maybe it wasn't a compliment, but it made me squirm all the same.

"What are you reading?" I asked, trying to change the subject. He glanced at the Holopad.

"Oh, nothing interesting, just some old tech journals I haven't looked at in a while," he shrugged. "Ho was your day, other than being accosted by my idiot cousin?" I laughed, and he smiled at me warmly.

"It was okay. The greenhouse is actually pretty interesting, when you aren't being accosted the whole time," I laughed, and Ben joined, The sound was so infectious, it made me giggle to simply hear it. "And you? I could feel you being abnormally calm earlier-were you meditating?"

"Yes, I was, I hadn't done it in a while it felt like I needed to put some things back in order up here," he tapped once on the side of his head with his long pointer finger. I smiled, knowingly.

"I hope it was productive," I told him. He nodded.

"It was helpful, I don't know if it'll actually culminate into anything." I shrugged.

"Well, that doesn't matter, it just matters that you're doing it, pulling on the Light. You don't have to do anything with it, it's okay to just be," I hoped I sounded reassuring, and not like I was explaining the Force to him, which he obviously knew more about than I did. He nodded once, eyes moving to the floor.

"I know, it just feels strange, it's a matter of getting used to," he spoke softly now, and I brought my brows together in concern.

"Is it difficult?" I asked, worried that maybe he was pushing himself too far. He shook his head, looking back up at me with his honey and amber eyes.

"Not difficult, just new. Again, all a matter of getting used to," I still didn't shift my expression. I stood and moved to sit by him, never taking my eyes off of his.

"If it does become difficult, or too much, or anything at all, tell me," I pleaded quietly, putting my hand on his arm, like I had at breakfast. "Don't be afraid. I'm not going to be, certainly."

"I know," he murmured, moving his other hand on top of my, letting his fingertips brush over the back of my hand lightly, making me shiver. "Are you okay?" he asked, oblivious to what his touch did to me.

"I'm perfectly fine," I replied with a bit too much enthusiasm. "Just...when you touch me, it's like the Force responds. It's like...electricity, but in a good way," I looked into my lap, as crimson climbed up my neck.

"I know," he moved his hand from on top of mine, to curl a finger under my chin, and raised it so I would look at him. The thrill of the touch made me stop breathing for a parsec. "Rey, I-"

"Dinner will be served soon, Master Solo and Miss Rey," Nadaru interrupted, bowing at us from the doorway. I whipped my head to look at her, and Ben moved his hand from my face back on to my hand.

"Thank you, Nadaru, we'll be on our way," I told her, and she bowed and was away. I looked back at Ben, exhilarated by the his touch, even though it was something so small. I looked at his face, and he was looking at our hands.

"What were you going to say?" I asked, curious as to what he could be looking in my eyes so intensely for, before Nadaru had entered. His eyes met mine, and he only smiled softly.

"I was going to say we should get to the dining hall-I knew it was getting late," he told me, and frankly, I was disappointed. I wasn't sure exactly what I had been hoping he was going to say, but it certainly wasn't that. I smiled back at him, a bit sadly, I could tell. I couldn't help it-I was such a fool for him, it made me an utter sap.

"Right," I muttered, standing to leave. I waited until he was up, after putting the Holopad he had been using in a drawer of a fine oak table. Bravely, I held my hand out. He looked at my hand, then back to me, then back to my hand. I cocked my head to the side, toward the door.

"Come on," I flicked my hand upward a bit. With a smile, he accepted it, enveloping it in his massive hand. We walked quietly to the dining hall, and I marvelled over the feeling of his cool hand in mine. I didn't look at him, afraid I'd see he was just doing this to appease me. We let our hands fall apart before we stepped into the doorway of the dining hall, where Ejan was already seated.

I couldn't focus on the conversation, I was too busy blushing and fantasizing about the fact I had just held Ben's hand. My love for him was so unending, so a part of who I was now, I was surprised he didn't see it at all. Or maybe he did, and rejected doing anything about it.

I tried not to let that thought eat me alive.

Hearing Rey confirm that she did not want Ejan in the way he had tried to broach made me feel stupid with pride. At dinner, she had told Ejan that upfront that she didn't like how he had crowded her in the greenhouse, and seeing Ejan fumble over his apology was very satisfying. Knowing Rey meant every word was even better.

After dinner, Rey decided to retire early, and I followed shortly after. We had made it a habit to check in on each other before sleeping. We were like magnets, simply unable to go too long without seeing each other.

I was going to abandon my plan, in the library, and tell Rey I love her right then and there, but then the handmaiden had interrupted us. Probably for the better. Rey deserved the declaration in a more romantic way, not offhandedly in the library in the middle of the evening.

She had offered her hand to hold on our little walk to the dining hall, which had shocked me, but I took it happily, taking her small, somewhat calloused hand in mine. It was always warm, and letting go of it before we got to dinner was more disappointing than it should have been. I couldn't help it, it's like I was addicted.

After I got ready for bed, I went to knock on Rey's door. She answered almost immediately. She was dressed differently, I noticed, in sleeping trousers and a loose top with long sleeves. She looked adorable, as always.

"Busy?" I asked. She smiled and shook her head.

"Obviously not," she gestured to the empty, clean room. I walked in, and she moved to sit on the corner of her made bed.

"You were right about taking care of yourself, I've never seen Ejan look so apologetic," I told her. She barked a laugh.

"Yeah, well, he deserved it," she shrugged. "Besides, I'm sure he can handle it. There's probably lots of ladies out there trying to chase down the Naboo fortune."

"You'd be surprised," I began. "When you're as annoying as Ejan, the numbers start to dwindle." I smiled, and she broke into a ringing laugh.

"Oh, come on, he's not that bad," she wiped the corner of her eye. "He's actually pretty pleasant, except for today." I curled my lip back. She giggled. "Okay, maybe not pleasant, but not as bad as you make him out to be."

"He's my cousin, trust me, I know just how much of an ass he is," she shrugged and made a face that said 'fair enough.'

"Are you excited about tomorrow?" She asked, and my heart hammered in my chest. Now that I had much more important plans for tomorrow, I couldn't help but be excited-but also terrified.

"Sure," I tried to sound as much like I had this morning when we discussed it, although my plans I made today had changed my outlook on it drastically. "Are you?" I asked, although I knew the answer.

"Of course, I think it will be lots of fun, to do something new," she looked at me with such an attentive, eager gaze it reminded me of just how lovely she looked, with her freckles and dimples and doe eyes. "I have no idea what it I'm going to wear, but I guess I'll figure that out tomorrow."

"Oh, the servants will bring you something," I assured her. "Actually, they'll probably bring you lots of stuff. You'll get the proper treatment of royalty in preparation for tomorrow evening." She looked at me a bit worried, now. She probably had no idea what that meant. I smiled at her softly.

"Don't worry, you can tell them not to do anything you aren't comfortable with," she relaxed a bit at this. "It'll just be a nice bath and stuff, nothing to worry about." She nodded, looking more afraid than she had earlier. I was glad to have warned her, but now I was worried she'd just stress out over it. I hoped it wouldn't be too bizarre for her.

We sat in a comfortable silence for a moment, looking around the room, and I noticed her yawn.

"I should let you get some sleep," I stood from her vanity chair to leave. I could tell she wanted to stop me, but only yawned again. She smiled sheepishly.

"I'll see you in the morning. Have a good night," she called to me as she moved to get under the covers. I smiled back at her as I stood in her doorway.

"You, too," I replied, and left her serene room quietly.

Sleep came to me easier than I had expected. It must be my proximity to Rey, and the fact I had meditated today.

My dreams, however, came hungry. The nightmares, as they were more aptly called, came looking for me, invading my mind with the horror I could never escape.

It started with my father, seeing his body fall into the chasm below me, after I murdered him. Then it was being on bloody missions with my Knights. Images of bloodshed and fearful faces and screams echoing through forests and cities alike. Visions of my grandfather, of Palpatine, of Snoke. My uncle trying to murder me. Fighting with Rey in the Hosnian system, fighting beside her against the Praetorian guards, fighting her on Kef Bir. Then, new, future visions started to torture me. Rey looking at me with terror in her eyes. Running from me. Rey, cold and dead in my arms on Exegol, and then in the same position here on Naboo. I watched, in my dream, as I killed Rey, stabbed her just as I had my father. I watched as her eyes widened in realization, and her hands moved to hold her wound. I woke up screaming as I watched her body fall to the ground, and I did nothing to help her.

"Ben, it was just a nightmare," Rey was holding my shoulders. "Ben, it's okay, it was just a dream!" I shot upright, moving back from her, panting in fear at what I had just seen and exertion at being tortured by such scenes. I felt Rey's hands holding my arms, and she was kneeling in front of me, looking at me with wide eyes full of concern.

"Ben?" She whispered, sounding as though she may cry. "What happened?"

"It was nothing, just..." I wasn't sure I wanted to say the words aloud, admit to what I had done in my dream. "It was a nightmare, nothing more." Rey shifted how she was sitting, so she was closer to me.

"You can tell me," she assured, moving her hands to her lap. Mine were busy propping me up, I noticed, so I also shifted, so I could have my hands in front of me as well. Maybe she'd reach out and hold them. "I promise it won't scare me off." I was sceptical of that, but wanted to believe her.

"It was the usual, like what you've seen in the past," I began, and noticed her wince. "But then it...changed. I...Rey, I murdered you." I was barely speaking the last words, my voice was so low.

"I'm sorry it was so vivid," as usual, Rey was worried for me, the monster who had just admitted to having dreamed about her death. "I felt your pain through the bond first, and then I heard you scream..." She trailed off, her face full of sorrow.

"it's okay, I couldn't fathom what I had done, wouldn't allow my mind to show me that," I was looking at her face, hoping she'd look back at me, so I could register what it was she was feeling.

"Well, it was only a nightmare," she did look at me, now, and she looked resolved. "You wouldn't ever do that to me, Ben. So don't drag yourself over the coals for something you would never do. It's the residue of so many years of different forces of evil poisoning your mind," she told me, and as usual, I could not understand how Rey had so much faith in me. She trusted me so absolutely, it was incredible. Possibly dangerous.

"You're right, I could never do such a thing," I admitted. "I...care too much for you, Rey," I wanted to say more, but now was not the time to be making such confessions. Not when she was sitting here, in my bed, comforting me after the ordeal I had had. She smiled sadly at me, and nodded softly.

"Well, I'll let you go back to sleep," she moved to stand, to leave, but I grabbed her arm. She snapped her head down to look at my hand around her wrist.

"Please," I was speaking before I even knew what I was saying. "I-I don't want you to go," I swallowed, hard, as Rey looked me in the eye. I knew I was being pathetic, and by this time tomorrow she could be on a ship back to Ajan Kloss, but I didn't care. I needed her with me right now, maybe the last night I'd ever have with her.

She nodded, and moved closer to the side of the bed. I shifted over, so she would have room to sit. She did not sit-instead, she got under the covers and lay right next to me. I was stunned, to say the least.

"I'm so sorry, Ben," she spoke, finally, and her voice was thick. Was she crying? I couldn't see well in the darkness of my room. "For what they did to you, for not being there for you," she sobbed softly, and her shoulders shuddered. Without thinking, I moved to hold her, and her head tucked under my chin. "If I had known, if I had been there..." I moved to cradle the back of her head as she continued to cry.

"Shh," I tried to calm her down. I moved back to look at her, even though I couldn't really see her all that well. "It's okay, I'm okay now. Rey, you saved me. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be living that hell." It took her a moment to absorb my words, but eventually, she nodded.

"You mean everything to me, Rey," I whispered into the top of her head as I kissed her forehead.

"You are my life, now, Ben," she admitted through sniffles.

We didn't talk for the next few minutes we were awake, and even in the haze of sleep, I felt almost high off of what she had said to me, off of the fact she came to me in a time of need. She cared for me so tenderly, it could have broke my heart and mended it together all over again.

I fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep with Rey in my arms, and she curled into my chest like she belonged there. I held onto her throughout the night, hoping that after tomorrow evening, she would truly believe that. That I could feel this bliss every night of my life.

I had to hold on to hope.