Chapter 4: Leave This One Alone
The car had been in disrepair for a long time. Styx admired the age of the vehicle, it's round headlights bulging out with curved fenders and fake chrome striping that had rusted down to the beige paint. Blitz opened the door and pulled the hood release, clasping with a loud clunk and unlatching for the first time in years. The imp coughed at the sudden dust clouds as Styx propped up the hood with a spare plank of wood and began looking around the engine bay.
"Got a status, Big Dick?" Blitz asked before joining the sinner at their side.
Styx reached out to gently pull on a large hose which has not been connected to anything. "Big Dick prognosis: Car is old and has not been treated very well. Looks like Pentious didn't really know what he was doing, gonna need a lot of fixing."
"So it's a bucket of shit." Blitz simplified.
"Basically." Styx said. They let the hose rest off to the side. A dark black substance began to leak out, much to the dismay of both witnessing it. "I had a car like this in college. Nice little three cylinder. Takes forever to get up to speed but you can run off of one tank for almost a month."
Blitz crossed his arms, leaning against the front fender of the driver's side and gazing into the incoherent mess of metal and wires. "How many horses are in it? That's a fuckin car thing, right?"
"Eh. No telling with all this stuff in the way." Styx said. They opened a cap to a container of aging green liquid and stuck their finger in it before garnering a small taste. "He used a milk container for a coolant reservoir. Looks like he put the wrong color in it, too, according to the label. I don't even want to think what else he's done."
"Is the uh... Himbo Attractor working?" Blitz joked, admiring the blatant disregard for self preservation of the sinner.
"Working good enough." Styx returned humorously. "It's the Bimbo Repellent and the steering I'm worried about. This thing will either never need anything done to it or it will need everything done to it."
"The fuck?" The imp raised an eyebrow. "You just said it needs to be fixed."
"It does, but I don't have anything to fix it with. These things will run on hopes and dreams for years, so we have that going for us." Styx said. "Doesn't hurt to check everything, though."
Blitz sighed, turning to face away from their partner. "I lost my dreams a long time ago. What, fucking years ago? It's the last time I remember feeling anything hopeful... until now."
"Really?" Styx piped up, eyes widening before making their way next to the imp and resting an arm around their midsection. Blitz leaned into it and appeared to be quietly sulking.
"Yeah." Blitz said. "Sorry for fucking up your life so quickly, but I think the cat is right - We need to get the fuck outta here, and I've been needing a car for... ever."
"It's ours, Blitz." Styx reassured softly. "You share it, I share it. I'll take care of the big stuff, but you don't mind lending a hand, right?"
"I don't know shit about engines." Blitz deadpanned.
"I don't know shit about guns other than what little my dad taught me and what you taught me." Styx said. "It's not that hard, just scary, but it'll become second nature if you let it. That's how anything I've ever done has worked."
Blitz looked at the sinner with a slight glow to his eyes. "Everything you've done is just second nature?"
"Anything I really want to learn, I mean." The sinner corrected. "Cars, gadgets, music - That's my holy trinity. Figured I'd be good with just those three."
"Three of a good thing is never a good thing." Blitz stated, giving a kiss on the cheek to the sinner. Styx blushed and returned the affection.
"You're right." Styx sighed solemnly. "I lost my love for cars when I was a mechanic, I lost my love for gadgets when I was an engineering student, and I lost my love for music when..." They stopped, staring off into the dark of the rustic garage reflecting the florescent lights off of it's concrete surfaces.
"When you got down here." The imp finished. "Music is what killed you, huh?"
"Let's just say that I'm more trusting than I want to be and leave it at that." Styx finalized.
"Fair enough." Blitz nodded, returning to the engine bay and pointing out a large metal obstruction in front of the engine. "What's the uh... this fuckin thing look like? Good?"
"That's the radiator." Styx said, eager to share their knowledge. "I checked the overflow and it seems to be full, but coolant tends to cause rust when left sitting for a while. Might have to at least flush it out."
"With, like, water?" Blitz asked, confused and staring with empty eyes.
Styx nodded. "Yeah. Water would also be good if it ever gets low and nothing else is around."
"The fuck is the point of the coochie then?"
"Coolant. The point is that water boils. Only use it if you have to."
Frustrated, the imp rested their head against the cold metal of the fender. "Satan's ass crack, this a lot to remember." He suddenly stared off at another container of fluid at the end of the engine bay. "What about the weird looking dick in the corner there?"
"That's brake fluid." Styx said with a hint of bewilderment, checking the oil with a spare towel found stuffed in the side. "I don't even know if it'll run, to be honest. Battery is probably dead and my stuff to charge it was... in the apartment that is now trying to sue us."
"Hope the lamp got destroyed." Blitz added suddenly.
"Oil looks decent -What do you have against the lamp?"
"The only dick shaped things with weird vibes that I like are my dick and your dick, and the dick fluid thing.bAnything else is a fuckin scam."
"A lamp is a scam, according to you?" Styx asked. "How is a lamp a scam if it works?"
"If you look in that fuckin dildo of a lamp, I swear to antichrist that you'll find some heroin older than my dad's sperm." Blitz said.
"Very descriptive." Styx retorted. "I thought it looked cool. You don't see decor like that very often."
"I'd prefer not to see any more fancy crystal shit for my entire life." The imp added.
"A whole eternity of no crystals." The sinner paused. "Wait, do hell born live for eternity?"
"The fuck do I know?" Blitz attacked with a forked tongue. "I'm just a bitch who gets paid to suck people."
"Wonder who paid you to come after me." Styx laughed to themselves before returning the rag to its former place. Blitz suddenly met their partner at the center of the bumper, a frown mangling his features like a dog being hurt by it's owner.
"You don't fucking make fun of what we have like that." The imp declared coldly, yet quietly so that only Styx could hear.
"You didn't even know me a week ago." Styx added.
"I didn't know I'd be alive a week ago."
"That's not very optimistic."
"And you are?" The imp asked.
"More than you." Styx answered.
Blitz's frown turned to a halfhearted grimace. "Your ass looks like an ass."
"Fuck you." Styx smiled.
"You want to?" The imp clashed with a forming grin of his own.
"Not particularly." Styx said, returning to the nest of wires and fluids which were their new car. "I'd rather get this car up and running first. Can you please go start it?"
"Why do I gotta do it?" Blitz asked as he walked away. "Cause I'm a fuckin imp?"
"You motherfucker if I wasn't dating you I would -"
Blitz closed the car door on the sinner, resting peacefully in his own egotistical silence. "Heheh. Still got it." He chuckled. The imp turned to find a familiar looking black cat emerge from the shadows in a glimmer of old lights and flying dust, focused on the sinner outside of the car as the imp rolled down the window to witness the encounter.
"Christ on a Cross, that looks rough." Erosa commented. "You sure you don't just want to save up for something else?"
"It's a free car." was all Styx responded with.
"Free doesn't mean good." The cat retaliated.
"Well, get rid of all the roads, then." Blitz added unceremoniously.
Erosa turned to Blitz. "Wonderful comeback. Figured out anything in the meantime?"
"Not much." Styx chimed in. "It looks like shit but I've seen worse. I think it'll run."
"You think?" Erosa asked.
"I don't know if the battery has enough in it to start." Styx said.
"Hmm. Polter could help with that."
"What?"
Erosa shrugged. "Her dad was half eel. Apparently. I don't know."
"Might have to if this doesn't work." The sinner reclaimed their confidence and met their partner's eyes through the windshield. "Blitz, can you start it up?"
"The fuck is the button?" The imp distantly shouted.
"Stop swearing so much." Styx said. "I told you it's the button right next to the steering column."
"The what?"
"It's the big red button!"
"Can't even suck dick without doing favors." Blitz exclaimed before releasing a profound and concerning noise. "Found it!"
"I think we need your wife's magical powers." Styx admitted.
"Alright. I'll go get her." Erosa said as he began to make the trek back up the industrial staircase. "Don't have sex while I'm gone."
"No problem." Styx said. Unsatisfied with his position, and not having it be their first time experience such a phenomenon, Blitz stood out of the vehicle and attempted closed the door. It stopped halfway with no warnings before the imp pushed it forcefully and hears a loud snap of metal as the door clicked into the proper resting place.
"Oh, so, you can't take a joke and my asshole is just supposed to not get fucked tonight?" Blitz asked angrily.
"I'm not mad, I'm just..." Styx sighed. "It's a lot going on."
"You wanna talk about it?" Blitz asked halfheartedly, producing a lighter and burning off a roll of the duo's favorite past time before handing it to the sinner. Styx took a drag before returning it, and Blitz took the same course of action. Both looked onward at the door leading into the garage. A mixture of rage and desperation flooded them before each recollected their separate memories from the distant past. Styx recalled a time they were alive with a former band mate, who scoured the early internet with them in an attempt to locate a replacement part for an old car that carried the band from one session to another. It was wrecked by poor decisions and wreckless behavior, but Styx could not help but feel remorse for not appreciating the memory more, lest they lose their humanity by being drowning away the only thing resembling it.
Blitz recalled his early life, being tossed around to entertain families like a bucket of apples at a party with no supervision. The neglect was invisible for the longest time. However, the imp could now see the stage, and see the realizations of the crowd when the other imp's knew there would be no other show. Yes, his father would tell him, this was what he was born to do. This was destiny threaded and intertwined with the heart of the family. Blitz disgusted himself just thinking about it.
"What about you?" Styx broke the silence, each returning to reality from their respective recollections of misspent youth. "How are you feeling? I've only been down here for a while but you grew up here."
"Well once you get past the gradual incest and horny clowns that get too excited to make balloon animals, Hell's not so bad." Blitz blurted out before taking another drag.
"Still." Styx said. "You feel the same way I do about things. Y'know, anger and happiness. I just want to make sure you're okay."
The imp audibly laughed from their stomach at such an absurd remark. "Babe, I'm way fucking far from okay. Might as well put a collar on me from how much of an animal I've become. Could practically fuck anything and kill anyone."
"I think you're pretty cool." Styx smiled.
"Gee thanks." Blitz said with dripping sarcasm.
The sinner took their second drag as the imp offered to change hands with it. "Seriously. I've never met anyone that handles life like you do. You just accept things for what they are and try to find love in whatever's there. That's something I'm still learning."
"Not sure where you got that from." Blitz deadpanned. "I'm the biggest bitch on this side of the rings. Done nothing but ruin all of my relationships and fuck up everything I've ever done."
"Except for us, right?" Styx asked, concerned.
It took a moment for Blitz to respond, but he eventually gave a reassuring nod. "Except for us."
"I love you, Blitz. I think that means you're doing something right with us."
"...I love you too. I'm sorry." The imp quietly choked towards the end of their statement.
"Don't ever apologize for being beautiful." Styx whispered, clasping their partner's hand with a gentle and affectionate squeeze. The imp returned the favor and nuzzled into the sinner's neck, the two indulgently partaking in their swirling visions and calm bodies with purring coming from the imp. Styx smiled and adjusted themselves to hold Blitz close and the purring became louder, much to the sinner's delight.
"Hey!" Erosa suddenly shouted as he returned while carrying a large box. "Good news, found a jumpstart thing in a closet."
"Ah." Blitz said, opening his eyes and extinguishing their fun substances. He felt cold. "Guess we don't need your lightning bolt of a wife after all."
"Guess not." Erosa said and handed the box to Styx, who nodded as thanks and took quick time in undoing the latches before opening the box to reveal the jumpstart device in question. It looked old with analog dials and scratched, unpainted. The two connectors met with the battery and the device was quickly plugged in. Like magic, noises began to emanate from the vehicle, clicking and turning sounds broke free before the silence returned with a subtle buzz.
"Any ideas where you plan to go first?" Erosa asked.
"Was thinking into the sunset." Blitz spoke up. He returned to his spot in the driver's seat, albeit with the door now open. "Maybe get some sunglasses and fuck nasty at the end of a rainbow. What do you think, babe?"
"I uh..." Styx blushed. "I won't complain about that."
Blitz gave a debaucherous look. Without warning, he pushed the red button. With a few more clicks and a spark from the battery, the aging engine roared to life and destroyed any eardrums looking to stay unharmed. The exhaust clicked with the firing of pistons and the scent of old fuel mixed with the smoke of burning oil and an odd scent of silver. As quickly as it has been started, the imp pushed the button again and the engine died. He looked at his partner.
"I think we're having sex in this thing." Blitz smiled.