Moonlight in Forks

Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.

Great to be Free

Bella had no clear plan when she kicked the bike to life and took off on a whim. All she knew was that she was desperate to get away, to escape the stifling crowd, from both Edward and Jacob, to find somewhere to escape to be alone, so she could breathe, so she could think. To somewhere she could get her maelstrom of thoughts and turbulent emotions under control. And there was no chance of that in so public a place as the school parking lot.

As she reached the highway it was busy with tourist traffic, she wove in and out of the cars, earning a bunch of honks and a few fingers. She was so caught up in her own head that she was forced to ride the line to avoid getting smeared by a minivan. If Charlie could see her now, he would have a fit.

It was the thought of her father's reaction that sobered her up a little and made her proceed more carefully.

As Bella continued, the freeway cleared up a little, and she pushed the bike to eighty. She barely touched the brake, feeling freer as she felt the freshening wind glide over the skin of her face, the vibration of the bike underneath calming her nerves. She carried on this way for a few more miles, until one glance behind set her heart racing.

It came out of nowhere. One minute there was nothing but bright highway in her rear view. The next minute the sun was glinting off a silver Volvo right on her tail.

"I don't believe it." Bella cried in frustration.

Of course, she should have expected it. There was no way that Edward would let her take off on the motorcycle without immediately following. She had been naïve to think otherwise.

For a minute she considered pulling over, but was too pent up with anger to face him. She'd been counting on some time alone to get her head straight before seeing him again.

The Volvo followed inches behind her. Bella kept her eyes trained on the road ahead, ostensibly slowing down. She didn't know where to turn, riding aimlessly for a while, knowing that there really was no escape now. Wherever she went, he would follow.

Feeling defeated, at the next intersection, Bella turned around and headed back toward Forks. Edward followed her the whole way until she pulled up onto the curb outside her house. She switched off the bike's engine, not even bothering to look his way as the Volvo drew to a stop behind. Bella climbed off the bike and pushed it to the rear of the house, hiding it away out of Charlie's view in case he came home unexpectedly from work.

As she went inside the house Bella knew Edward would be waiting for her. She slowly pushed the front door shut, and then turned, finding him stood against the far wall in the hallway. His breath-takingly handsome face was unusually hard and his posture tense. He glared at her wordlessly.

Bella stared at him, her breathing shallow, waiting for the torrent of his anger to come her way, but it didn't come. He just continued to glare, possibly too angry to speak.

"You shouldn't have followed me." She finally said, sick of the tense silence.

Edward's face may as well have been carved from stone. Bella didn't say anything else, just continued to stare at him, waiting for him to make the next move.

Eventually a low growl rumbled in his chest, but his expression didn't change.

Tired of waiting for him to say something, Bella eventually dropped her gaze, shrugging as if it was no big deal. She made a move toward the stairs, but his ice-cold hand on her arm stopped her before she reached the first step.

"Bella." He whispered fervently. "Do you have any idea of the danger you put yourself in? Do you? How could you be so reckless? So rash and impulsive?" His eyes closed as he spoke, and he pinched the bridge of his nose between the fingers of his right hand.

"There was no harm done. I can handle the bike. You shouldn't have come after me." Bella insisted.

Edward's eyes slowly opened again. They were as cold and hard as night. "Of course, I had to. You gave me no choice. Anything could have happened. You need protecting-even from yourself sometimes."

"I can't believe you just said that." Bella felt angry tears welling in her eyes. Did he really think so little of her. Then again, did he have good reason to? There was proof in her recent past which proved his point-the cliff dive being one of many reckless acts that had so nearly cost her life.

Edward ground his teeth together. He let go of her arm and his hands balled into fists at his sides. He seemed to be having trouble regaining his composure. "Bella, you aren't exactly the best judge of what is or isn't dangerous. There is your continued insistence on keeping in touch with Jacob Black for one-if it wasn't for his interference today, none of this would have happened, you would not have put your life in jeopardy."

"Don't you bring Jake into this!" Bella snapped, her anger overriding her usual attempts to placate him. He had gone too far this time. "I've had enough of this! There is nothing to worry about with Jake. He isn't dangerous. None of the wolves are. And the reason I took off is because you lied to me. I needed some distance from you."

Bella's breathing escalated as it all came tumbling out. She didn't spare his feelings as she yelled at him how much he was suffocating her. "I feel like I can't breathe around you." She looked up at his face, his defensive eyes, she hadn't noticed the hurt, the pain her words and actions had inflicted.

"I was only trying to protect you, Bella. To keep you safe." Edward explained. "Victoria is out there; she could strike at any moment – "

"Don't you think I don't know that!" Bella cut in, her eyes filling with tears. "Its always there in the back of my mind. I have been living on a knife edge for months, waiting for her to take me down. Months where you weren't here, and my only protection was a bunch of teenage werewolves. Without Jake and his pack, I doubt I would be alive right now."

Edward's hands remained in fists as he stared at her. "I will forever have to live with the guilt for leaving you. I am so sorry for that." He said sadly. "And I am grateful to the wolves for protecting you. But you also must understand how unpredictable they can be, through no fault of their own, their tempers, their –

"You're being ridiculous." Bella cut in again. "I was around the pack for months and nothing happened to me. I will go and see Jacob and the pack whenever I want and you can't stop me."

"This won't happen again, Bella." Edward warned, his expression turning severe. "Werewolves constitute a risk."

"The last time I looked it wasn't werewolves who were trying to kill me." Bella countered sarcastically. If she had physically slapped him, her rejoinder couldn't have done more damage. Edward practically reeled, his eyes turning haunted. Guilt stabbed at Bella when she saw his reaction, but things had gone too far for her to take the words back now. "I am in just as much danger, if not more, from you and your family. Remember the reason you left in the first place was because Jasper attacked me. And you talk about the werewolves' lack of control?"

The black fire in his eyes was impossible to doubt, her observation had hit home, and he was hurting. "I carry the pain of that with me every minute of every day." He whispered. "You don't know how much it haunts me."

Bella's anger was slowly dissolving into exhaustion. "I think I do, Edward." She replied softly. "Because it haunts me too. Its always in the back of my mind-just like what happened with the Volturi."

"Your nightmares?"

"Are about that. Yes." Bella admitted. "Every night I keep seeing those innocent tourists being led to their doom."

"I never wanted to expose you to the worst of our world." Edward pleaded.

"But you did, Edward." Bella brushed a lock of hair away from her face. This had to be the most honest conversation they had ever had. "You have to own your actions, just like I have to own mine. We are both to blame for what happened. If I hadn't dived off that stupid cliff, if you hadn't listened to Rosalie and gone on a suicidal mission to the Volturi, I wouldn't have been exposed to them. My life was never in danger until I met you."

Edward gulped a few times, his head drooping. "I have so many regrets."

"Me, too." Bella admitted.

Edward raised his head at her quiet admission. He seemed at a loss. "What now?" He asked.

"I don't know, Edward." Bella shrugged helplessly. "All I know is that I'm very tired."

"You want me to leave?"

Bella nodded her head. She watched as Edward slowly approached. He bent down a little, placing his cool lips on her forehead, and she closed her eyes. "I love you so very much." He murmured.

When Bella opened her eyes again, he was gone.

Bella went straight to her room after Edward left. Even though she wanted to use the time to think, she was so tired that she fell asleep instantly, descending into her usual nightmares. It was late afternoon when she woke up again. She woke as if it was an emergency, as if sleeping had become a dangerous thing. Her heart beat fast and there was a buzzing in her brain and together they were like panic with jump-leads.

Only now, as she tried to catch her breath, her brain was like a flat battery, the exertions of the dreamscape she had been trying to escape being a marathon of erratic problem-solving. She felt like she was hungover, not from drink, but from the nightmares that demanded solutions, but had none such to offer.

Bella climbed off her bed, feeling utterly bereft. Her conversation with Edward floated around her head, again and again, she tried to shake off the urge to call him, to ask him to come by so she could comfort him, to make things right. But she had to remind herself those times were gone. His latest lie had shattered the fragile trust they had begun to build. It wasn't something that could easily be rebuilt.

She went into the kitchen to fix herself a snack, only to find someone had beat her to it. Jacob was sprawled in one of the chairs eating a mac and cheese.

"Hey, Bells." He greeted her through a mouthful of full of food.

"Jake? How did you get in here?"

"Billy has a spare key." Jacob gave her a sheepish grin. "Don't be mad, Bells. I was worried."

"You were, huh." Bella had forgotten about the spare key that Charlie had given to his best friend in case of emergencies. He had one to Billy's house too.

"I was." Jacob gulped down the rest of the mac and cheese and pulled out a spare chair for her to sit. "And I needed to collect the bike. I figured you didn't want Charlie seeing it."

"True." Bella conceded. She should be mad at Jacob for coming in uninvited and eating all the food, but she found she wasn't. She was secretly pleased to see him. She didn't really want to be alone right now, lost in her own head.

Anyway, what was that saying? Oh, yeah, misery loves company.

"Can I fix you anything else?" She asked.

"Nah, I'm all good." Jacob said, wiping his hands on a paper napkin. He glanced up at her from underneath his thick lashes. He looked nervous, very unlike him. "So, I guess we should talk."

"We should." Bella looked at the vacant chair he offered, but didn't sit down. "But not here. You were right when you said we need to make sure Charlie doesn't see the bike."

"What then?" Jacob raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Let's go to yours."

"I'm cool with that." Jacob broke out into one of his sunny grins, making Bella feel warm all over.

Jacob revved the engine, grinning. Bella jumped on the back of his seat, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. As soon as she was settled, he took off.

"Hold on." Jacob shouted.

Bella hid her face in his back as he sped down the highway. She knew he would slow down when he hit the Quileute border. It was obvious when they reached the safe zone, he slowed down, and straightened up and let out a loud howl of triumph.

"Here we are!"

"We made it!" Bella said, surprised. In the back of her mind, she had been expecting Edward to appear and stop them.

"We sure did." Jacob agreed, laughing. "What should we do now?"

"Anything." Bella laughed along with him. It felt great to be free.

A/N-thanks for reading!