From an early age I lived in Sweden, in Oslo, the capital of this country, I learned a lot here, I got to know and understand everything that surrounds me, but slowly and to the point.

Before I moved to America for many years, and my childhood I lived in Oslo, the capital of Sweden, my father's country, my mother moved there for a better future and it must be said that my mother Eva, this petite but clever blonde who likes to wear red can take care of myself, because my father and when I didn't remember, the same as my older sister's father, my sister, black-haired Nika, a daughter from a different father and also a Swede whom I had never seen, and when I was growing up I was supposed to understand why it was so , my mother never chose just anyone, first of all, she always chose those who had a lot of money and could really turn their heads and when it was over she took money from them for the so-called alimony, and so my mother Eva moved to Oslo, she bought a second-floor apartment in a prestigious neighborhood, and me and my older sister, who usually likes black as much as her hair, both went to private school.

That's how I spent my first years in Oslo, that's how I got to know everything from scratch, foundations, to understand everything, and I've always been a perfect observer, it's always been like that, and it was enough to look around, at my mother and my sister.

My mother has always introduced great traditions of competition in the family, I remember very well how she always told us to fight for everything with our hands and feet, she always told us that in the guest room when we were sitting on the red carpet and our mother was sitting on a brown leather sofa and she spoke to us like a queen because as she always said, let's do everything to mean something, to reach for the money and find peace.

- life is a hard fight, only the strongest win, the strong pushes out the weak, the determined the indecisive, life is a hard game, it's the same in nature, if you don't step over someone, someone will step over you, and you'll be drowned, you're supposed to be on top you're supposed to have the best.

My mother Eva Malinowska always said that and she always introduced the concept of rivalry between me and Nika, I never wanted to go this way, I didn't want to compete with my sister, I thought it was unnecessary, wrong, stupid, Nika is my sister and we should be help, but my mother and sister have always gone against it, and I thought I would make a difference.

I remember a couple of interesting days like this, one of them was that Friday when we got back from school we just got our first semester grades and my sister was one grade better in every subject, when I had a 4 she had an A and so on but I didn't I had reason to be angry or afraid, no! I was happy with her, but my sister saw something else.

- You think I'm stupid, naive, tell me what you're up to bro, what! Today I won again, me!, and you'll see how my mother will react to it, what she will do with you.

Each time my sister expressed herself cynically and meanly in such moments, but the worst was usually waiting for me at home, because after each such return and my joy at my sister's successes because against my mother's will I did not take part in a new conflict, my mother usually treated me rather stepmother, that day she locked me in the basement for a whole hour, and when she screamed so hard that I felt sorry for her and to this day she is because she had no choice.

- you stinking rag, you keep losing and enjoying the successes of your competitor, you'll see, one day the whole world will run over you and you'll rummage in the trash.

- She's my sister, not a competitor, Mom.

- family looks best in the picture, you forget what!, today, Nika, give me my wooden spoon, I have to teach your brother obedience and humility because someone is talking to me here.

My mother often punished me like this with a wooden spoon, and I have to say, once I looked at her face, gosh, I still remember the anger on her face, those clenched teeth, and the fury in her eyes, and after what happened to me that other I didn't feel angry with my mother or sister that day, though Eva was brutal and Nika laughed after each such hit, I wanted to understand, but to understand I had to win once.

One day, the school system took the initiative for a great competition, an Olympics of mathematical, historical and physical knowledge, and I won it, and my sister took twenty-second place, and to be honest, I didn't feel proud because I saw fear, especially when I was coming back with my silent sister in a black and white suit dressed in a black and white suit, we both walked through the city full of people and cars, she was silent, we both held our scores and I held my trophy and diploma, my sister Nika just looked at me with anger, fear as we drove home.

At home for the first time that day, I saw my mother first praise me, elevate me above all else, squeeze my right hand, examine the trophy and diploma, and even slap my sister in the face and lock me in the basement for a whole hour, and when the time was up she wanted to beat her with her wooden spoon, and I, standing aside, looked into my sister's eyes, eyes filled with hatred for me, then I understood for the first time what ruled my mother and sister, it was fear, Eva was so brutal and ruthless because she wanted ensure a future for herself and us, because she would like us to be just as brutal and ruthless in our pursuit of success and money, and the lack of them did not instill fear because it was fear that created this illusion.

- now I'll show you what righteous anger means, Anders my winner, my son, give your mother a wooden spoon, your sister needs to be taught something very important.

- NO!.

I screamed, broke a wooden spoon and waited for a blow my sister come on I stood up for her that day and I never competed with her she has always seen a hidden bottom or progress in my actions but mother, it wasn't so easy anymore because I got face, I sat in the basement, and all the time, despite everything, I felt sorry for her.

- now I understand why you don't see anything in the family that could be good, but it's different with me.

- Princess Elsa, you are naive and that's it.

- Anders, please, am I telling the truth, is it my naivety, if so, I prefer to be naive, I love my sister, I would give my life for her just as she did for me, and my parents really loved us equally.

- you?, no!, no matter, keep listening, because it's not over.

During my stay in Oslo, I decided to observe not only my mother and my sister, I decided to observe everything around and that's how I got to know what is another illusion of my world, because it was not only family, but also friendship.

During my time at school, I met a lot of people during breaks and in class, many were friends or so they said, one of them was Eric with a short cut and blond hair and the other was Brian always slicked back and his black hair was almost shiny to the girls' delight, but to the point Brian and Eric were true friends, they did a lot of things together, they did their homework, they messed with the girls' heads, they always helped each other, it seemed so beautiful, different from what my mother taught me and I was so fascinated watching and a friendship that lasted a long time until the day when they and I took part in the great school knowledge olympiad.

That sunny day, when we were all sitting in separate pews, I heard a pleading wail, it was Brian who turned out to have lost all his pens, and it was he who asked his friend Eric for help, but as it turned out that day Eric swore he had no supplies with him except for the only pen and pencil, so did everyone around me, and I sat by the side and watched.

- Eric, please, I don't have anything to write with, I don't know where my supplies are, pencil case, I don't know.

- Excuse me Brian, if I had known I would have taken more pens.

- but you always have them, you're always so cautious.

- not today, not today.

Eric cleverly refused to help and an hour passed when Brian finally got a pen and a pencil from one of the examiners but he was still unable to complete the tests in half an hour and failed miserably to the strange delight of his friend.

When the exam was over, out of curiosity, I followed Eric in the locker room and as it turned out, he was talking on the cell phone with his father, laughing loudly at his friend's stupidity and how he screwed him over.

- I took everything from him, a pencil case, accessories, he wasn't a threat to me, I crushed him into the ground, thank you so much dad, I know you're proud of me today.

Then I understood that there is no greater illusion than friendship, it's all about yourself, everyone only cares about their own four letters, but it wasn't over yet, because as it turned out, I wasn't the only one eavesdropping on Eric, suddenly I was passed by Brian who looked he put his finger in my eyes for a moment in a gesture of silence, and I witnessed a fierce fight in which enraged Brain beat Eric so severely that Eric had problems with moving on his right and left leg from that day on, as he screamed then I watched everything I was silent I was silent even when I was questioned by the headmistress.

But that wasn't the end of my observation, there were two similar friends, James and Mark, the first redhead wearing a hoodie, the second usually going bald also wearing a hoodie, both usually like to do similar things, run, exercise, jump, true athletes and faithful friends but until this state lasted, come on, I thought that sports competition is something that connects niches more, but I was very wrong, one day when I was sitting on the balcony of another punishment from my mother's hands I watched everything from the third floor and I saw a furious Amstaf running around the yard, then I saw James climb a tree and Mark was knocked to the ground by a mad dog who made mince out of his right leg, because Mark could never be an athlete again after such an injury.

I remember it perfectly how he ran away, how he jumped over merry-go-rounds and the rabid dog chased him, how he was knocked down and asked for help.

- James, please, help me.

But despite the screams and begging, James did not move from the tree for a moment, all the time he stared silently at the sight of the dog mutilating his friend, only the dynamic action of the police took its toll and the furious Mark hated his friend with all his heart until that day fake friend aye I saw better and better how fear rules the world, where a friend trips the other and won't even lift a finger to help the other and even blame it on his friend, the situation was also repeated on the other side because the competition among girls was as strong as among boys .

That's what happened during the football game, there were two teams playing on two football courts, we played on the bigger one and the girls played on the smaller one, and there was another drama.

I looked to my right and saw my two best friends, they were Sara and Nina, I must say they always stood out from all the girls, long blonde hair with blue pins, that smile of theirs, except for the freckles when Sara was bare of them Nina was full of them, but that's not what I'm going to talk about, when Sara and Nina were playing football suddenly Sara kicked the ball with all her strength hitting the puddles first and then with the second kick she hit our teacher, destroying her green blouse and red pants.

Everything froze because we knew our teacher's fiery temper, and she, dirty from belly to feet, angrily looked in the direction from which the ball had been kicked, then Sara hid behind the back of her sincerest friend, and now Nina was the main accused.

- Sarah, what are you doing.

- I'm nothing, I'm not me, ma'am.

I looked with my jaw dropped, because here I was before me a friend who once always helped Nina, always stood by her, I could say that they were almost sisters, but that day I saw what broke my will to search, friendship did not exist and Sara's action clearly showed the only truth for me, Inie's friendship, I saw it with my own eyes, how shocked Nina, who was being gathered to the management, was still biting her lips, hungry for revenge, and she took this revenge after school by throwing Sara into a puddle on the road and unintentionally under an oncoming car that turned Sara into an invalid to this day Day.

- so terrible, Anders you have to understand, not everyone is like that, not everyone, please believe me.

- it will be difficult because it wasn't over yet, because one thing always went hand in hand with fear and it was anger.

I had a friend, his name was Modest, he was a Pole and a Swede like me in Pol w, with short golden hair, he showed me what anger is, one day when I was leaving school I met him outside the school, as it turned out he was furious, muttering something under his nose, and kicked the stones that hit the passing bus, with curiosity and desire to know the truth, I approached Modest wanting to ask him about everything and as it turned out he was very angry with a certain neighbor from private houses.

- you know Anders that this boor chased me, I was thirsty, I just wanted to eat a couple of cherries, and the tree was full of them and was sticking out of the fence, and this boor drove up in his fancy Chrysler, opened the window and yelled at me to get lost, and he never eats those himself cherries, watching them wither, when I told him that bastard sent the police on me, the police for three cherries eaten.

- Modest, you know what it's called, it's the so-called gardener's dog, he won't eat himself and he won't give to another.

- exactly, but he can be sure that he will pay me for it!.

I didn't think Modest was putting his plan into action, I thought it was just another threat from an offended man but the very next day the city woke up to roaring sirens, it turned out a private house and a Chrysler burned down and a great black smoke rose high above the city and the tallest houses, everything went with smoke it turned out to be set on fire by Modest, and he himself was arrested for arson and all the worst.

Then I began to wonder why he did it, he wasn't afraid of the consequences, but I understood that the anger that grew in him from the power of fear made Modest fear one thing, that justice would not be done enough and that he would forgive the man who had put the police on him . He was afraid that no one would do anything about it and take away from the rich man everything that was valuable and important to him.

Anger rose in everyone's hearts, and my observations focused on our neighbor, his name was Larry, he was a tall and well-built man with short, black-dyed hair, he had always been a social worker and fought for equality for all, but one period in his life everything changed and was caused by the behavior of one neighbor from the building on the neighboring street, everyone had a designated parking space but Estan has always been unsure if he parked in Larry's place on purpose or out of anger, at first there were simple words, calm instructions, but when that didn't work, even the police intervened In the end, a much more brutal phenomenon took place.

I remember that day perfectly when our neighbor Larry stopped his black Scoda and a green Chevrolet had just stopped in its place, then the loudest quarrel took place, Larry jumped out at his neighbor, throwing harsh words at him and Estan was not passive, their mutual anger and malice burned in their hearts and minds.

- you stinking sheep, how many times do I have to tell you this place is mine.

- you fat barrel of fat, your name isn't here, and I have a right to it just like anyone else, you don't own this place.

Estan and Larry screamed, and Larry, fed up with it all, took a nail in his hand and scratched a green Chevrolet on the central hood, many watching this quarrel laughed out loud but I watched with increasing tension as two spiteful neighbors quarreled viciously because Estan suddenly pulled a bucket of green paint from the trunk and hit it on the hood of a black Scoda, the paint stained half of the car and Larry and Estan started punching each other hard, that day I wondered why it happened, in fact Estan started this fight first but Larry went the same way conflict, but it wasn't over yet.

After this incident and the intervention of the police, the conflict between Lary and Estan inflamed even more, there was not a month of one suing the other until one night when I woke up hungry and went to the kitchen to eat a small piece of chocolate I saw in the window Larry pouring gasoline on Estan's car until suddenly a big fire broke out, the green Chevrolet ignited like a match and for a while I watched this exchange of aggression and malice ended in such a way and everything was started by fear, because fear stands between two sides, because what happens if I don't give it back, it will sit down on their mind, because what will happen if I let go, I will be weak, and the world requires everyone to be strong and ruthless, and all because of fear.

- always the same, hostility and rivalry, malice and anger and all this was always provoked by fear.

- You like chocolate.

- sure, I love it, Em, yes I know snacking at night is a very unhealthy thing, I finally finished it but not chocolate to this day I love eating chocolate, I love it.

- Me too, really, but Anders, you have to understand what you saw there, insignificant, that the whole world must be like this.

- Elsa, understand, fear is the beginning and everything good, with a few exceptions, but love is also a part of it, which does not mean that the one who is not afraid can not feel it, on the contrary, but fear controls it too easily, for this with love comes jealousy, always, and the greater evil, envy, hate, and it ends up being a lie like Carlos told me, listen.

I had a good friend in Oslo, his name was Gordon, and he went to the same school with me, then we worked in the same company for a while, he was always cheerful, smiling, he was a typical positive blond with a few visible freckles, he was always curious about everything sometimes it seemed to me that he was the one who stood out from the world but a lot changed when one day he met an exceptionally broken girl with long black hair, her name was probably Holly, yes, Holly, as it turned out, she turned Gordon's head a lot, Gordon he quickly asked her out, took her to the park, for coffee and to the disco, unlike him, I avoided discos, it's not my thing, but one day I went out late because I wanted to learn something new, see what the nightlife is like, where uninteresting people can cross every road, but that day I was about to meet something that shocked me, and it was an interesting sight when my friend came out of the disco.

I was standing behind the alley watching Gordon and Holly go and they were talking about life, about money, probably the worst topic you can have on a date, but that's what Holly took up, as it turned out she was interested in the work of my friend who had been working on forklifts in the company for a year forwarding company and this, as it turned out, was a thorn in the side of a greedy girl.

- that where, Gordon, are you kidding me, after all, your choice, your behavior, I don't believe it.

- Holly really, I work as a forklift operator, is that wrong.

- it depends how much you earn.

- four thousand clean.

- how much, then go away, poor man, even if you earn eight thousand, you are not worthy of my charms, for such money it will not even be enough for cotton balls.

I silently watched as Holly tossed Gordon like an old rag, like some piece of trash, because in her opinion, Gordon earned too little, too little to meet her high demands, as she said, and not enough for cotton balls, and Gordon stood there frozen, he was in shock, he hated himself and his job, and Holly did it out of fear, because according to her, money is the most important thing, money and nothing but money.

I also had a good friend, her name was Dana and she was a special girl, sometimes she was naive, but she believed, believed, and believed too much, too many people but probably most of all her own naivety, that's how this petite brunette with auburn hair finally met on her way an extraordinary man, his name was James, and he was a man of stature, tall, distinguished with temperament, a man with unusual long golden hair, he immediately turned my friend's head and Dana, well she fell in love and since she came from a wealthy family, she usually She bought her beloved everything he wanted.

I immediately saw what it was really about, I wanted to warn my friend but Dana was too intent and even more so when she gave me new and happy news, that's when I met her when Oslo was covered in thick snow, that day we were standing in front of the block and I asked my friend to let it go, because I already knew what was going on here, when you study for so long, you see so much you know about everything, you can see through the obvious too quickly.

- Dana, please, he's manipulating you, don't let him fool you, he'll hurt you.

- no chance, Anders, please, come on, why do you always have to be so negative, you always have to see the worst in the world, I love him and he loves me, look, he just bought us tickets to Mallorca together, we're going to Spain tomorrow, and that's it we'll get married there, please Anders, don't ruin it for us, please.

Dana was naive, but even seeing the tickets I bought, I knew what he was really up to, I knew because greed ruled like all fear.

I wasn't able to convince Dana but I could have done otherwise, the next day I lurked outside her private house, waited until midnight when suddenly I saw a man in a black suit, a man breaking into a private house, and it was thanks to me that the thief was caught before it happened robbery and it was James, her boyfriend and future husband, because as it turned out, he couldn't go to Mallorca because his mother was sick, but it was a smokescreen, James had it planned for a long time and his plan was simple, get Data out of home while he strips it to nothing.

When Dana returned to Oslo she was broken, desperate, I've never seen her like this, she was desperate, broken, seeing me she hugged me, thanked me for my help, apologized to me for not believing me, but when she left the police station her bond was already cold, unfeeling, full of anger and revenge, yes, and fear turned her into something terrible, Dana silently passed me, her lips pursed to the limit, I knew she wanted revenge on the thief, and she did, and it was a sophisticated revenge, one day when James went to prison, something more was found on him in his house, some illicit drugs and even a weapon, I knew immediately who had put it all to him, and so James begged, begged, found no forgiveness for something that was not his, and Dana with a big smile and real fire looked at him knowing how she had ruined it and he knew it was her fault she had put him in jail for twenty years.

I saw a lot of anger, anger that mixed with broken love, once in Oslo I also saw two parents arguing fiercely, and their argument about children made the snow on the pavement melt, a certain Evans and his ex-wife Shane, they argued so loudly that on the other side of the street you could hear them and everything was focused on two children who were standing crying in the window of their mother's apartment and looking at their parents arguing.

- you unemployed palenice, I will destroy you completely, you will not have the right to even look at my apartment.

- Shane, you have no right to threaten me, you have no right to take away my rights, and I record everything.

- give it to you trash, I will destroy you, I will destroy you.

- Shane, you betrayed me, I'm surprised that the court gave you custody of the children but now it will change I promise you this, take away those clawed hands.

Yes Evans argued hard with Shane and she constantly attacked him with all kinds of invectives, but the worst thing was what they did to their children with their conflict, their crying, their pain, I saw it too well that what they did to them will be them for the rest of their lives, they took away their innocence, dreams, everything that is most important for a child, everything, and why, to hurt themselves through children, to cause as much pain as possible, then I understood that they, as slaves of fear, give the same fear to their own children, I understood that fear is ubiquitous, and it seemed to me that there was no one in the world who was free from it.

- tell me Anders, did you love Dana.

- no, she was just a friend to me, nothing more, nothing more, I felt sorry for her, sorry for everyone, for all humanity, there really was a day when I believed that someone like me was the only one in the whole world, I was even able to believe that something is wrong with me, but everything changed when I left for the USA for work and got a job in a courier company.

That period of my life, I must say, was the most tumultuous for me when my mother Eva heard I was moving to the US and would work as a courier her fury unleashed in a real outburst of anger, but I was no longer passive, for the old grief turned into anger, and it was my choice, I was free from fear, I chose against myself, against myself, against my own counters, that's how I learned how to finally overcome fear with my own madness, and I told my mother everything I thought about her with my luggage and backpack on my back.

- you're just a cowardly hyena mother, that's why you always shared me with my sister, you always made us compete, and why, for money, you're pathetic.

- you're the pathetic one, money rules the world, it's the most important thing and you're a poor man in my eyes, get out of my house.

- not money and not lust for power, these two elements are not lust for the world but fear, you are all afraid, because what will happen if you don't achieve your goal, desires, your sick desires, what will happen, that's why you deceived my father and drove him away from home for money, for money you married a rich man, you married a man without love, because you are afraid, you are pathetic, that's why you destroyed me at every step, you asked God to be worse or my sister, you smelly sadist, you coward.

I screamed to leave because this time only great anger burned in me, I screamed turned around and left forever the house that was never my home, slammed the door and left never coming home again, and resolved never to stand by when angry parents they destroy their poor children as they take it out on them and beat them in wild fury, never again.

- Anders, not everyone is like that.

- I know, your parents loved you, you loved them too, but there must be something hidden here, some dark truth.

- Anders, the only dark truth was that my mother was not from Arendelle, and yet she saved the enemy and loved him, and don't say I'm naive to believe that, it's my choice.

- you have a choice, believe it, no, is it possible, no, I don't want to argue, maybe you're like Carlos.

- Who? Carlos?.

- Carlos Kozlowski my close friend whom I met in New Orleans, the other madman from my world, listen.

The next day I showed up in New Orleans and started work delivering goods from customer to customer, and so for another year I lived in New Orleans watching the same things I saw in Oslo, until one day I was sitting eating hamburgers and watching business people arguing a man sat down next to me, he was a younger man with blond hair and brown eyes, he usually wears colorful shirts with fruit elements and brown trousers, his name was Carlos Kozlowski and he was twenty-two years old, he looked at the two businessmen and I looked at curious about how he viewed the world.

- somehow it doesn't surprise me, they are so predictable in their own way, they chase money, and everything will not be given to them forever, because everything will always end with a lie.

My eyes widened when I heard Carlos's words, because I've never heard anyone talk like that before, suddenly I understood the absolute perfection, because when everything bad is born of fear, it ends up being a lie.

- I'm sorry, sometimes I talk loudly, even to myself, and you know, I prefer to live my own world, dreams, truth, because it is free from lies, and standing between Nothingness and lack of choice, and this man has no other than me, maybe,

- no, it's okay sir, I'm Malinowski, sorry for introducing myself by name but it's a bit stupid and reminds me too much of one of the musicians, I like his music but it doesn't matter.

- never mind, I'm Carlos Kozlowski, half Polish and half Spaniard.

- it's nice to meet you, I'm half Swedish and half Polish, and it's good to know that I'm not the only one in the world, because when everything ends with a lie and you have no choice, I know what is the beginning.

- What.

Carlos looked into my eyes suddenly thinking very hard himself until suddenly he smiled and looked at the city in front of us, understanding that we are not alone in the world and therefore there is probably a chance, but what can an individual do when fear and lies rule everything.

- so the fear of the beginning.

- and lying ends, now I know, and it's thanks to you, Mr. Carlos, thank you.

- you're welcome Mr Malinowski, you're welcome and you know how the whole world looks like I prefer to live my own world. I do not hide that I live my dreams because I prefer it, and I am half a big child, I do not hide it.

- and I do not hide the fact that I am currently a divided, contradictory, counter-contradictory madman, because I am mad, both of us.

- both, two madmen.

We shook hands and our choices, words, everything we saw showed me that there is still a small spark in this crazy world.

- but it does not change the fact, remember princess, wherever there is a human, it means one thing.

- Anders, you have to believe, what you saw there doesn't mean it has to be the same everywhere, you can call me naive anyway, please, I don't mind.

- not princess.

- call me Elsa, just Elsa.

- well, I know and I see that you're telling the truth, maybe, not or not?, I have to think about it.

- Anders, tell me, because you never said, have you ever been in love, I, I'm sorry but I would like to know.

- Wouldn't you rather know how I got here.

- a little, but, well, I don't know.

- both of these threads are connected to each other, my journey into your world and beyond, listen.

L

Is it possible to see humanity differently than the way Anders sees it, can he believe, see good, here despite what he has seen, seen, taught, there is always a chance, because he, as a madman, can counter even himself and even his own counter, he's a real madman, but no less than the one who reappeared and this is the common man, the teacher, the one who spoke to many, and still speaks, as he spoke to Alex Kowalski, and Lucas Nowak, so now he speaks to many again Carlos Kozlowski and to him, Anders Malinowski also heard what was and is almost impossible and yet it is the last part of the truth, Fear and Lie, have great power but humanity uses it as an excuse, who he is, can only be called The One Beyond It All, because he is not who, he is not what, he is The One Beyond It All, and the chips are his work, but coming back to the newcomer himself, Anders, despite the fact that he does not believe in him, still has something smoldering.

P.S.

This chapter is written the way I usually write my own stories, where the main characters are the narrators, this and the next chapter are written in this way, I wonder if you like this style too.