Nicholas stared at the vending machine, some coins in his palm.
It was the same machine as the last time, with the same exact selection as the last time, and just like the last time, Nicholas wanted nothing.
He was so sick of hospitals, of this one especially. He was sick of everything in here - the smell, the colors, the ugly furniture, the endless pit of fear and worry that nested in his chest. It made him nauseous, he felt like he could throw up in the trash can next to the vending machine, and he kept swallowing the bitter saliva back down, staring at the items through the glass, seeing nothing.
This was the fourth time in a year and a half, that he stood in a hospital, staring at a vending machine while slowly dying inside. Nicholas couldn't help but think this was a punishment, that this was karma, that this was the universe whacking him across his face. Or maybe he was cursed. That was the other option.
First, there had been Matt, who had started all this. Then there had been Sky's first suicide attempt. Then the second one… And now - what? A Karate war in school?
It was almost like a full circle - what had begun with random violence in school, was now ending with random violence in school. But to think that this could really be the end–
That this would be the time Sky didn't pull through–
Nicholas felt sick to his stomach. He clenched his jaw, leaned on the vending machine with both hands, and tried to breathe in deep, slow breaths. Panicking, or throwing up all over himself, would do no one any good.
But he couldn't stop thinking about Sky. She had been such a happy, healthy baby. Rosy-cheeked, plump, always smiling. She had arrived into this world with ease, the labor had been quick and as painless as it could be. Elaine had been so happy to hold Sky in her arms - their unplanned little surprise - and Nicholas had sworn he would always protect both of them. His beautiful wife and his tiny, little miracle baby, who had his heart so completely he had never even imagined love that powerful could exist.
But he hadn't been able to protect Elaine. Cancer had taken her before Sky was two years old, and that wound in Nicholas' heart - no matter how old - would never stop hurting.
He had thought he had paid for all the sins of his past lives when he had lost Elaine. Surely that was enough sorrow for one man's lifetime?
At first, he had been scared of everything, fearful that some evil turn of fates would take Sky away from him, just as the universe had taken Elaine away. But Sky had been an insanely healthy child. All the childhood fevers and stomach flus that seemed to be the curse of every other family had never bothered them. Sky had learned to walk early, and run soon after that - and some accidents had followed, but never anything serious. There had been scraped knees, some knocked-out teeth, and cuts and bruises - all because she was reckless, wild and so full of life that nothing had been able to slow her down.
Nicholas had counted his blessings every day.
Yes, he had lost a wife. But he had a daughter, he had a home full of life and happiness and laughter.
Until Matt.
Nicholas still could not understand how he hadn't seen that coming. But he had been so blind. He had not realized what was going on, and now he could never forgive himself for not seeing, for not being able to stop it.
Nicholas let out a pained groan. He had leaned to the vending machine so hard that the edges were cutting into his palms, and still he wanted to throw up, the taste of bile lingered on his tongue.
"I'm sorry, are you going to buy something?" Came a voice from behind, startling him out of the painful memories. "It's just that I promised my wife I'd get a soda for my daughter—"
Nicholas turned around, swallowing hard.
"No, I guess not. Please, go ahead—" and then he looked up, and met a pair of concerned, brown eyes. "Mr. LaRusso—"
"No, please, just Daniel—" LaRusso said, offering him a hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you there—"
Nicholas took another deep breath to clear his head, then took the hand and shook it. Trying to collect himself, he stepped away from the machine and let LaRusso buy a couple of sodas and some snacks, his words slowly entering his foggy mind.
"So Sam is injured too?" he asked, even if he already guessed the answer. The man before him was a mess - pale face, wide eyes - Nicholas knew that look. He was too used to seeing it in the mirror lately.
"Yes. Can you imagine? Some stitches and maybe a broken rib—"
"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that."
How he could just stand here and do this small talk, was beyond him. He felt so hollow, he knew a feather could knock him to the ground.
"And Sky, is she—?" LaRusso left the question open.
Nicholas swallowed. The words didn't want to come out. They were a black pit in his stomach, squeezing his breath away and he feared that if he let them out, he would start crying, and then there would be no end to it.
Funny. One would think he'd be used to this by now. But maybe it wasn't possible to get used to the absolute worst thing happening again and again and again.
"She was… unconscious. And they are operating on her now." he finally managed. "Fractured skull, they said. Swelling in the brain. Broken nose—" he had to pause to clear his throat. "And, uh, a broken arm, I guess."
"Oh, God. Oh, That's— that's horrible." LaRusso said with such empathy that for a moment Nicholas thought he would start crying. There definitely were tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry."
"Yes, well. That's what getting kicked down the stairs will do to you."
"Sam… she told me what happened. She said Sky came to her aid, when this other girl, Tory, attacked her. And then Tory kicked Sky…"
"Ah," said Nicholas. What else was there to say? Sam had a fractured rib and some stitches, whereas Sky was fighting for her life.
Was it fair? No. But life never was. That he had learned the hard way.
"Sound like Sky," he finally said, his voice thick and raspy. "She's a brave girl. And stupid."
"Oh, she is brave," LaRusso said, not commenting on the 'stupid', which was probably a wise move. "She will pull through, I'm sure of it."
Nicholas cleared his throat and glanced at the clock on the wall. How long was it since Sky had been taken to surgery? An hour, maybe. It felt like a year. He still felt like throwing up - nearby there was someone drinking coffee and the acrid smell felt like tar on his tongue, on the back of his throat.
"Let's be realistic, Daniel," he said when he felt like he could talk again. "How many times can a girl run away from the reaper?"
"At least once more," LaRusso said, laying a hand on Nicholas' shoulder, giving it an encouraging squeeze. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked when he let that hand drop. "Please, I'd be glad to help any way I can."
Nicholas shook his head slowly.
"You can come and wait with my family–" LaRusso offered. "-while Sky is in surgery. It is not good to be alone."
"Ah, I couldn't," Nicholas replied. "Surely your family needs privacy–"
"It's the least we can do. Without Sky— who knows where Sam would be now? We owe you. Please, come join us."
Nicholas sighed. How could he make that man understand, that he yearned to be alone? That he could not take one minute of another person's company? That the only thing he wanted now, that he deserved now, was silence, emptiness, the dark pit inside of his chest that was about to swallow him?
But he didn't need to find an answer.
"Nicholas–" came a dry, raspy voice, with more than a hint of desperation. There was Eli, calling his name from across the room, and a perfect excuse for Nicholas to excuse himself from the company of Daniel LaRusso with a promise that he would come and join them later - which he knew was not going to happen.
"Eli, are you alright?" he asked, approaching the kid. The boy had his hair down, it was moist as if it had been just washed, there were numerous bruises and cuts on his face and he carried himself weary and tense, as if he was hurting.
"I'm fine," the boy replied - but was interrupted by his mother, who joined them.
"He is not fine," Beth said, clearly upset. "Someone kicked him into a trophy case and he has cuts all over–"
"Mom," Eli groaned. "It's nothing. I'm fine. It's Sky and Miguel I'm worried about."
Beth let out a sigh, laid a comforting hand on Eli's shoulder, but the boy brushed it off.
Miguel. Only now Nicholas remembered him, and immediately he felt the weight of guilt on his chest. How could he forget? Miguel's mother had cared for Sky the last time they had been here, and Miguel had visited Sky so many times–
And now he was seriously injured. Perhaps even more so than Sky.
"Have you… heard anything? About Miguel?" he managed a question.
Beth shook her head and pulled her dark hair behind her ear. "No, not yet. They're not telling anything to anyone but family members, but–"
"How is Sky?" Eli interrupted his mother. "Is she— is she gonna be okay?"
"She is… in surgery," Nicholas replied, and repeated the list of injuries he had minutes ago told Mr. LaRusso.
Eli's posture tensed, his face turned even paler than it had been. The muscles on his jaw worked as he swallowed, hard.
"But–" He stammered with a strangled voice. "But— I don't understand— she just— she only fell down the stairs–"
His pain broke Nicholas' heart. He didn't want to be the one giving out this news to people. He could barely manage his own sorrow, he couldn't help others carry theirs.
Eli's lips were trembling and Nicholas wanted to tell him it was okay to cry, that God knew he had cried when they had called from the school, and he would cry more soon - but he knew Eli wouldn't want that advice. And anyway, it should be the kid's dad telling him this stuff, showing him it was okay for boys to cry - but he had no idea where the dad of that family was because he had never once seen him.
"What can we do?" Asked Beth, her hand in Nicholas' shoulder blade, rubbing soothing circles. "How can we help?"
Bless that woman. Somehow it was easier to accept help from her than from Daniel LaRusso.
"Honestly? I forgot to feed Napoleon—"
"I'll do it," Eli rasped. "I know where you keep the food and stuff."
Nicholas wanted to say that Eli should just go home and rest and let his mom take care of Napoleon, but something in the boy's eyes made him hold his tongue. It was no surprise to him that Eli still loved Sky, he had guessed that, watching how gently Eli had helped Sky into the car after that disaster of a party a couple of days ago.
If taking care of Sky's cat would make Eli feel like he was doing something to help her, Nicholas wasn't going to tell him no. He pulled the keys from his pocket and passed them to Eli, who accepted them with a silent nod.
"Thank you," Nicholas said. "You're a good kid."
"Can you–" Eli's voice broke, he had to clear his throat. "-let me know? When… when Sky wakes up?"
When, not if.
Nicholas nodded. "Sure, I'll give you a call."
He stayed in the hall for some time, after Eli and his mother had left, leaning his back on the wall next to the vending machine. He let the black pit in his chest eat him up, swallow him whole.
Holy shit - this is chapter 100!
Can't believe this fic is this long, haha!